03-04-2019, 04:38 PM
The screen filled with the image of Contessa Helena de San Finzione lighting a cigarette while she sat at what Susan now recognized as the computer in her study. She looked like she'd either been awake for some time or had woken up in the middle of the night to record this and ran a hand through her hair before speaking.
"Hey, Susan. No, I'm not psychic, Troy and Julie will probably each get their own videos soon. I'm guessing that you've already met Enrique and Roberto if you're watching this. Logically, the fact that I'm not telling you this stuff face-to-face would also mean that at this time, there's some reason I can't."
She paused the recording. When it returned, Helen's hair looked a bit better and she was lighting a new cigarette before continuing.
"So first off: I'm sorry that I've had these guys watching your house. The thing I recently got back from has just... look, I can count the number of living people who are truly important to me on one hand, and most of them live in the same house. I promise you there are no bugs or cameras in your house and nobody's opening your mail or going through your trash. Just... my biggest fear is my world crashing down on your guys' door. If you're watching this, chances are that's what happened. I'm sorry. I need... needed to take steps to prevent that.
"Second, and this is important: Don't come rescuing me! Maria, sure, by all means. But whatever shit I've gotten myself into, I'm the one who did it. That's more for Troy & Julie in case they're watching this with you. Hmm... I should do one for if it's the three of you too... I'll figure this out later. But yeah, don't let them either, please."
The recording paused again. When it resumed, Helen had a glass of water in front of her and her cigarette had burned down.
"That brings me to the third thing: Maria. If she ever does call for anything, please do it. She wouldn't ask for help unless she really needs it. If Jeanne chooses to stay on and serve her, I know she'll do just as good a job for her, but there's only so much she can do. Come to think of it, Maria might not ask even then, so, you might need to keep an eye on the news. Just, watch out for her, please, is all I'm saying.
"I don't know when this will play, but I plan to start trying to teach her Our Thing once she gets to our age when I'm recording this. You get that it's a hell of a lot, at least you will be the time you see this.
"I... deprived her of an adolescence. With the money and power she was born into, it probably would've been a short, stupid life ending in a wrecked Lamborghini or Fincantieri or a needle in her arm, like her parents and grandparents. She's old enough to handle it now, and... and I want her to be a girl first before she has to be a Contessa. Troy's right, it's only blind fucking luck that they never hurt anybody with this. If... if I haven't taught her and you think she can handle it, I'll trust your judgment.
"Fourth: If you're watching this because someone's in trouble and you need somewhere to run to, that's also what Roberto and Enrique are there for. About now, one of them should be giving you a strongbox with a key. If they aren't there, it's under the bed in the master bedroom. The key will be in a hiking boot in the closet."
Enrique set the box on the coffee table in front of her; the key on top.
"Inside will be a burner phone that they should have regularly kept charged and San Finzione passports and ID already filled out in everyone's names. Everything's legal. Well, how we managed to get passport and license photos of you must remain classified, but everything else is pre-approved by order of La Contessa; you don't even need to take the oath. Just sign the papers and you'll be citizens of San Finzione, subject to our laws and my protection.
"Call the Seattle consulate at any hour; It'll be pre-programmed into the burner if you don't have it or can't use your own, and they'll send a diplomatic car and put you on a plane here. There's also $10,000 in cash to take care of anything you all need along the way. I'm not going to fuck up again by giving you another expensive gift, so this is a loan; albeit, one I won't give a fuck about if or when you repay it."
When the video resumed after the pause, Helen's hair was almost what she'd accept as "presentable," and she'd put on earrings. She also looked like she may have had a drink or two and was going on the same exhaustion bender.
"Now, if someone's after you, let's say Troy's thing about the Men In Black coming to drag us all off to... Eh, I'm sure he's given you that speech by now too!" There was a pause, but in Helen's speech rather than the recording. When she spoke next, it was in a conspiratorial whisper.
"Speaking of, here's a freebie that I've learned about men for you, hon: If you want to learn EVERYTHING you need to know about a man? And this goes DOUBLE for Our Troilus, ask him his thoughts on BATMAN! You may want to free up the rest of your day first." She attempted a lower whisper, but the best alcohol could give her was a deeper-voiced one at the same volume. "And if he says he's a Marvel Man, BONE THAT FUCKER AND WHATEVER FUCKER HE'S FUCKING!"
"Hey, Susan. No, I'm not psychic, Troy and Julie will probably each get their own videos soon. I'm guessing that you've already met Enrique and Roberto if you're watching this. Logically, the fact that I'm not telling you this stuff face-to-face would also mean that at this time, there's some reason I can't."
She paused the recording. When it returned, Helen's hair looked a bit better and she was lighting a new cigarette before continuing.
"So first off: I'm sorry that I've had these guys watching your house. The thing I recently got back from has just... look, I can count the number of living people who are truly important to me on one hand, and most of them live in the same house. I promise you there are no bugs or cameras in your house and nobody's opening your mail or going through your trash. Just... my biggest fear is my world crashing down on your guys' door. If you're watching this, chances are that's what happened. I'm sorry. I need... needed to take steps to prevent that.
"Second, and this is important: Don't come rescuing me! Maria, sure, by all means. But whatever shit I've gotten myself into, I'm the one who did it. That's more for Troy & Julie in case they're watching this with you. Hmm... I should do one for if it's the three of you too... I'll figure this out later. But yeah, don't let them either, please."
The recording paused again. When it resumed, Helen had a glass of water in front of her and her cigarette had burned down.
"That brings me to the third thing: Maria. If she ever does call for anything, please do it. She wouldn't ask for help unless she really needs it. If Jeanne chooses to stay on and serve her, I know she'll do just as good a job for her, but there's only so much she can do. Come to think of it, Maria might not ask even then, so, you might need to keep an eye on the news. Just, watch out for her, please, is all I'm saying.
"I don't know when this will play, but I plan to start trying to teach her Our Thing once she gets to our age when I'm recording this. You get that it's a hell of a lot, at least you will be the time you see this.
"I... deprived her of an adolescence. With the money and power she was born into, it probably would've been a short, stupid life ending in a wrecked Lamborghini or Fincantieri or a needle in her arm, like her parents and grandparents. She's old enough to handle it now, and... and I want her to be a girl first before she has to be a Contessa. Troy's right, it's only blind fucking luck that they never hurt anybody with this. If... if I haven't taught her and you think she can handle it, I'll trust your judgment.
"Fourth: If you're watching this because someone's in trouble and you need somewhere to run to, that's also what Roberto and Enrique are there for. About now, one of them should be giving you a strongbox with a key. If they aren't there, it's under the bed in the master bedroom. The key will be in a hiking boot in the closet."
Enrique set the box on the coffee table in front of her; the key on top.
"Inside will be a burner phone that they should have regularly kept charged and San Finzione passports and ID already filled out in everyone's names. Everything's legal. Well, how we managed to get passport and license photos of you must remain classified, but everything else is pre-approved by order of La Contessa; you don't even need to take the oath. Just sign the papers and you'll be citizens of San Finzione, subject to our laws and my protection.
"Call the Seattle consulate at any hour; It'll be pre-programmed into the burner if you don't have it or can't use your own, and they'll send a diplomatic car and put you on a plane here. There's also $10,000 in cash to take care of anything you all need along the way. I'm not going to fuck up again by giving you another expensive gift, so this is a loan; albeit, one I won't give a fuck about if or when you repay it."
When the video resumed after the pause, Helen's hair was almost what she'd accept as "presentable," and she'd put on earrings. She also looked like she may have had a drink or two and was going on the same exhaustion bender.
"Now, if someone's after you, let's say Troy's thing about the Men In Black coming to drag us all off to... Eh, I'm sure he's given you that speech by now too!" There was a pause, but in Helen's speech rather than the recording. When she spoke next, it was in a conspiratorial whisper.
"Speaking of, here's a freebie that I've learned about men for you, hon: If you want to learn EVERYTHING you need to know about a man? And this goes DOUBLE for Our Troilus, ask him his thoughts on BATMAN! You may want to free up the rest of your day first." She attempted a lower whisper, but the best alcohol could give her was a deeper-voiced one at the same volume. "And if he says he's a Marvel Man, BONE THAT FUCKER AND WHATEVER FUCKER HE'S FUCKING!"
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