30-03-2019, 07:10 PM
I was taking too long to answer. I thought of one of Moriarty's lines in the Next Gen episode "Elementary, Dear Data," "Your every silence speaks volumes."
"You know, adjusting to motherhood, that kind of stuff."
We came to an emerald-green door with an emerald-green carpet leading up to it. A gold name plaque on the door read "La Contessa."
"Damn," I said as we found it. "Here it is. How'd I miss it?"
"How, indeed." Lucinda replied. She then adopted a tone that I wouldn't call warmer but would still have to describe as "less cold." "Will you be coming to the reception tonight?"
"Hmm?" I hmmed innocently. "Oh, yes; I'll be there. I'm Vincenzo's godmother, you know."
Lucinda had seemed to be looking down her nose at me this entire time. I learned that my assessment had been incorrect when she put effort into it upon hearing that.
"Not YET! Once the child is baptized, THEN you are the Godmother! Not before."
Something inside me was telling me to Do Our Thing and say, "Just tell me what the fuck you're up to, bitch!" That something had a name, and it was Sue. I'll tell you about her in a minute. The rest of me, though, was thinking that there's probably a good reason I'm not seeing why Helen doesn't just walk over here and do exactly that every day; and it would be a bad idea.
"I've offended you." I told her. "I didn't have a religious upbringing. I apologize."
"A COMMON problem in San Finzione these days." Lucinda looked at her watch. "I must be elsewhere. No doubt, La Contessa has sent you to fetch something and needs it back right away. She must be quite busy if she is unable to send her maid. I will see you tonight."
Lucinda turned and started walking away. I didn't take the bait she was laying out and went into Helen's office. She was probably waiting outside to see what, if anything, I came out with. I went to Helen's desk, grabbed something out of it, and went back to the Palace Wing.
I'd come over here for information, and ended up giving more than I got, but what I had gotten was essential: A deeper understanding of WHY this woman must never be allowed near Vincenzo and Byroni!
* * *
Ok, I mentioned before how there are three other women with whom I share my head. I also mentioned Chad, the only boyfriend I'd had before meeting Troy and Julie. Chad was what you get when the 'roid freak high college quarterback jerks off onto a rolled-up copy of Maxim and fucks the bitchy prom queen with it.
I was an orphan, I didn't have anyone to tell me that wasn't what "a boyfriend" was, and by the time people did, he had me beaten down so far that I wouldn't listen until Troy did what I now understand was mind control to help me see it. There are various ways to go about it. Troy used a somewhat gentler one with me than he and Julie would later use on Chad. I never felt like anything was happening, just that everything Troy was saying was completely agreeable. While learning it myself, I asked Troy to do it to me like he did to Chad. After assuring him I could handle it, he agreed. (It was the kind of "being made to dance like a puppet" that I get now why he hasn't done it to anyone since.)
It wasn't a happy time. Happiness essentially came in 50-minute bursts, when Chad was out drinking or showing off his Fast & Furious-mobile, and I was able to catch an episode of Star Trek without having to hear about "that stupid nerd stuff" I like.
People who have jobs that involve a lot of stress and putting themselves outside their comfort zones do a thing called compartmentalization; essentially becoming a different person to handle those situations. It's how a lawyer can defend a Charles Manson or Leonard Whyte, or a hospice nurse can watch four families lose Gramma in one shift, and neither of them go home and blow their heads off at the end of the day. Between the diner and Chad, I had started taking it to an unhealthy level. I wasn't allowed to be me, I didn't go by Susan then. I went by one of the three names Chad would call me depending on what was expected of me right then.
As Helen described it once, a guy like Chad can only perceive women in one of three ways: Bitch, Whore, and Slave. Sue was the Bitch, Suzy-Ho was the Whore, and Suzy-Q was the Slave. I have a different perspective on them; that Sue is my survival instinct and the "wants to kick ass" thing is just in furtherance of that goal, Suzy-Q is something of a mystery, and Suzy-Ho is, yes, a total whore. But now that sex is something for MY enjoyment rather than his, she's damn proud of it! Suzy-Q's "recasting" from the slave role in my head seems to be what's given her this ability to visit Helen's mind. (It hasn't escaped either of our notice that Helen and I both had shitty lives until Troy & Julie changed them. We have enough in common that, if it hadn't been for how we met, we would definitely be much closer friends by now.)
I guess the best way to describe them nowadays would be "advisors who live in my head." They're not a danger; I don't have blackouts or anything, I can let one of them "take over" if things are stressing me. And there's another little thing I can do with them. Since it was 1:45 when I made it back to our room in the Palace Wing, and Rita wasn't due for a while yet, I had a free moment to lay back on my bed, close my eyes, and...
* * *
"You know, adjusting to motherhood, that kind of stuff."
We came to an emerald-green door with an emerald-green carpet leading up to it. A gold name plaque on the door read "La Contessa."
"Damn," I said as we found it. "Here it is. How'd I miss it?"
"How, indeed." Lucinda replied. She then adopted a tone that I wouldn't call warmer but would still have to describe as "less cold." "Will you be coming to the reception tonight?"
"Hmm?" I hmmed innocently. "Oh, yes; I'll be there. I'm Vincenzo's godmother, you know."
Lucinda had seemed to be looking down her nose at me this entire time. I learned that my assessment had been incorrect when she put effort into it upon hearing that.
"Not YET! Once the child is baptized, THEN you are the Godmother! Not before."
Something inside me was telling me to Do Our Thing and say, "Just tell me what the fuck you're up to, bitch!" That something had a name, and it was Sue. I'll tell you about her in a minute. The rest of me, though, was thinking that there's probably a good reason I'm not seeing why Helen doesn't just walk over here and do exactly that every day; and it would be a bad idea.
"I've offended you." I told her. "I didn't have a religious upbringing. I apologize."
"A COMMON problem in San Finzione these days." Lucinda looked at her watch. "I must be elsewhere. No doubt, La Contessa has sent you to fetch something and needs it back right away. She must be quite busy if she is unable to send her maid. I will see you tonight."
Lucinda turned and started walking away. I didn't take the bait she was laying out and went into Helen's office. She was probably waiting outside to see what, if anything, I came out with. I went to Helen's desk, grabbed something out of it, and went back to the Palace Wing.
I'd come over here for information, and ended up giving more than I got, but what I had gotten was essential: A deeper understanding of WHY this woman must never be allowed near Vincenzo and Byroni!
* * *
Ok, I mentioned before how there are three other women with whom I share my head. I also mentioned Chad, the only boyfriend I'd had before meeting Troy and Julie. Chad was what you get when the 'roid freak high college quarterback jerks off onto a rolled-up copy of Maxim and fucks the bitchy prom queen with it.
I was an orphan, I didn't have anyone to tell me that wasn't what "a boyfriend" was, and by the time people did, he had me beaten down so far that I wouldn't listen until Troy did what I now understand was mind control to help me see it. There are various ways to go about it. Troy used a somewhat gentler one with me than he and Julie would later use on Chad. I never felt like anything was happening, just that everything Troy was saying was completely agreeable. While learning it myself, I asked Troy to do it to me like he did to Chad. After assuring him I could handle it, he agreed. (It was the kind of "being made to dance like a puppet" that I get now why he hasn't done it to anyone since.)
It wasn't a happy time. Happiness essentially came in 50-minute bursts, when Chad was out drinking or showing off his Fast & Furious-mobile, and I was able to catch an episode of Star Trek without having to hear about "that stupid nerd stuff" I like.
People who have jobs that involve a lot of stress and putting themselves outside their comfort zones do a thing called compartmentalization; essentially becoming a different person to handle those situations. It's how a lawyer can defend a Charles Manson or Leonard Whyte, or a hospice nurse can watch four families lose Gramma in one shift, and neither of them go home and blow their heads off at the end of the day. Between the diner and Chad, I had started taking it to an unhealthy level. I wasn't allowed to be me, I didn't go by Susan then. I went by one of the three names Chad would call me depending on what was expected of me right then.
As Helen described it once, a guy like Chad can only perceive women in one of three ways: Bitch, Whore, and Slave. Sue was the Bitch, Suzy-Ho was the Whore, and Suzy-Q was the Slave. I have a different perspective on them; that Sue is my survival instinct and the "wants to kick ass" thing is just in furtherance of that goal, Suzy-Q is something of a mystery, and Suzy-Ho is, yes, a total whore. But now that sex is something for MY enjoyment rather than his, she's damn proud of it! Suzy-Q's "recasting" from the slave role in my head seems to be what's given her this ability to visit Helen's mind. (It hasn't escaped either of our notice that Helen and I both had shitty lives until Troy & Julie changed them. We have enough in common that, if it hadn't been for how we met, we would definitely be much closer friends by now.)
I guess the best way to describe them nowadays would be "advisors who live in my head." They're not a danger; I don't have blackouts or anything, I can let one of them "take over" if things are stressing me. And there's another little thing I can do with them. Since it was 1:45 when I made it back to our room in the Palace Wing, and Rita wasn't due for a while yet, I had a free moment to lay back on my bed, close my eyes, and...
* * *
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