Adultery Indian Social Worker and the Bully by shiprat

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"Which was a good thing, you think?" Nita asked.

"Of course." I said.

"Are you sure?"

"What are you implying?"

"I am just asking if you truly liked the fact that he was less violent than usual." Nita said. "As we have talked in the past few months, I get the feeling you somehow...like the violence. Maybe sexually. It's not unheard of. A lot of people derive pleasure from intense pain in sado-masochist sex. But i think it's beyond just the sex for you."

"What do you mean?"

"I think you also like getting beaten up because you sub-consciously think of it as a well-deserved punishment for what you are doing. Having an adulterous relationship that you have started to derive pleasure from. Maybe gotten addicted to. The hard blows, the bruises, the intense pain...it helps you alleviate your guilt and your self-loathing. Because even though Parvati and Anup don't know, at least somehow you are getting punished."

I looked at Nita quietly, unsure of how to respond. This analysis did seem to make sense. But for me to accept that I actually wanted that abuse was even more demeaning than wanting it.

"Anyway, continue. I am guessing he penetrated you soon, and there was more abuse involved."

"Yes. He mounted me, fucked me hard, spanking my ass, pulling my hair, putting his fingers in the sides of my mouth and pulling. The usual stuff really."

"And you did not cum this time, did you?"

I was surprised at the question. It was almost prescient.

"No, I didn't!" I said. "I thought it was because it was all so hurried and rushed. But now...I don't know..."

"Maybe this time you did not cum because he didn't beat you up or slap you around as he usually does?"

I put my face in my hands.

"Have you been having orgasms the few times that you have had sex with Anup since he returned?"

"Well...when he goes down on me and uses his tongue, yes. But during sex, no."

"Has he noticed the difference?"

"No, because...I never had vaginal orgasms with him anyway. Or anyone else but Lallan."

"And you said Lallan isn't particularly big down there?"

"No."

"Hmmm."

We were both quiet as the analytical parts of our brains computed all this together. It's not something that had never occurred to me. I had just pushed it away when I thought about it. But here it was, all laid bare in a psychologist's office.

"So...continue."

"There isn't much more. He humped me like that, from behind, with moderate abuse, for about ten minutes. Then he made me turn around again and fucked my mouth, and ejaculated inside."

"You swallowed, of course?"

"Yes. He insists on it." I said. "Well, then we got dressed. I took a taxi home and he went back to the party."

"Hmmm...I would love to talk more about this but I have a meeting with one of the trustees." Nita said. "But think about everything I have said, Shikha. It is time you start accepting certain truths about who you have become and what kind of a situation you are in."

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