10-12-2020, 10:03 PM
34.3
Kavita
Next day was Saturday and he had off. Prem asked me to send him out. He wanted sex. He was merciful. He could have taken me to his bed in presence of him. He took me to his bed immediately after I sent him out on pretext of purchasing eggs. This time he did not ring the bell on his return. He patiently waited for his master to complete his carnal enjoyment with his wife. He pressed the door bell only after ensuring that his wife had been well fucked and his master had been satisfied. Still, he pretended ignorance. He did not confront me.
I was getting frustrated on his behaviour and attitude. His wife was being bedded repeatedly in front of his eyes and he was indifferent! Could any MAN of this world having minimum self-respect tolerate such blatant adultery? I decided to give him a lesson; I decided to wake him up in hard way to accept the brutal reality. I asked him to hand wash all my seamen strained clothes while Prem continued fondling me right in front of his eyes. To rub salt on his pretended ignorance, I inspected his wash and specifically asked to clean the strains again. I wanted him to acknowledge my adultery. I wanted him to know my continual sleeping with Prem repeatedly. I saw tears in his eyes. He hung his head in shame. I understood my mistakes. He also could have similar compulsions like me. Was he also being blackmailed with the photos of my college days committed sins? Possibility of this was more viable. He loved me. He could do anything for me. Without realising compulsions, I had hunted him.I was feeling remorse. He was tired of physical and mental exhaustion, yet extended his help in my cooking. He was hopelessly in love with me. Even after knowing my brazen adultery, he did not desert me, he did not rebuke me, he did not confront me. I wanted to be with him after lunch. I was longing for his company. But I had to go. Prem had asked my company for a movie. I had no power to refuse him.
Prem enjoyed his time with his slave in the movie hall. I had to create proper access for my master to touch me, feel me properly in semi darkness. He was happy on his slave. He took his slave to mall to decorate her in new attires. He purchased her new body hugging and revealing garments. He wanted a display of his slave to the world. He concentrated on her undergarments this time. Push up bras and crotch less panties added in in shopping bags. My master was very happy. He took me to restaurant. I managed to parcel some food for my husband.
He did not eat properly. His frustration and dismay were clear. Did he hate me now? I wanted to be on his side. But my master had other intention. He cringed to my body pushing me to his left as happened in movie hall and resumed his unfinished rough artwork from the point where he left in movie hall. Embarrassed, I tried to cover his hand with my sari pallu. My husband came for water and gone back to his bedroom. When I got permission to go to my bed, he was still awake. Guardedly, I asked him if he was Ok as he did not eat properly.
Finally, he came out of his shell. He initiated confrontation. I was always confused of the reasons for him not confronting me. I was conjuring him in my mind as a person of lacking attachment. When he actually initiated confrontation, I realised how difficult it was to face confrontation. I put the blame on him of negligence and careless behaviour to his wife. I walked out of bedroom to avoid his confrontation. Prem was still sitting on the sofa. I asked him to move to a single seater and lied on the double seater. My husband followed me. He was profusely apologizing and requesting me to come back to bedroom. I refused. Prem asked him to go back. He did not budge and kept on requesting me. Prem pushed him by his shoulder indicating to go back. He pushed Prem by force to stumble on his foot. Then it happened. It was beyond my imagination.
Prem slapped him. My master slapped my husband in my presence. I failed to perform duty of a wife. I was no longer his wife. I was a slave of my master. I did not protest. I could not protest. Prem captivated him on the floor. I continued observing haplessly not realising what was happening. I regained sense only when he croaked in pain. I made a meek request for his release. Prem granted my prayer. He released him. He got up and seeing Prem’s raised hand sprinted to his room. He rushed to his bedroom and closed from inside to save his life. He had been physically intimidated.
Prem was angry. His hands fisted in anger. He growled, “How he dares to touch me? Pushing Amir Ali? He needs a good lesson to be taught. I will pull out his balls.”
Prem’s body was shivering. I was awestruck in surprise turn of the events. Horror struck me. I realised the severe consequences would follow. I got up in trembling leg. Prem needed to be pacified. I hugged him from behind and continued rubbing his chaste. I pleaded, “Forgive him Amir, He had made a mistake. He will realise his mistake. Cool down please. Don’t be so angry.”
Prem was a prudent egoistic man. He cherished to be called Amir in private. After a while he cooled down somewhat. He took me in his arms. He growled again, “You had seen Kavi, how dangerously he had pushed me. Tomorrow, I will take care of him.”
In order to pacify him more, I kissed him, deep on his lips. He melted slowly initiating fondling my breast. Then in a sudden jerk, he separated me from his body. He gestured me to kneel down while freeing HIM from confinement. I knew what he wanted. I had no options. Soon he became hard. He lifted me to his room. He made me stand near the bed and gracefully undressed me savouring every part of my body inch by inch. He made me bend over the bed and legs wide open keeping my body weight on the bed. I was forced in that posture till his deposited load leaked out of me drop by drop pooling on the floor.
He fetched the blue, thigh length nighty from balcony for me to change. In his typical arrogant mood he said, ”Being the first offence, I will let him off. On repetition, I will take his balls out. Make him understand, Kavi.”
I assured him of Manu’s obedience and apology.He was not finished. He wanted more. Next, I discovered myself again on my knees working on his shaft. He had stamina. He was hard again to invade me. Soon he was on top on me in missionary position.Again, he deposited his load. Finally, my master was happy with successive invasion on my body. He completed my conversion to his bitch.My ordeal was over. Prem slept soon not before airing his demand for apology from my husband for pushing him at night to avoid creation of another Vipul, husband of Rachna. I went back to sofa exhausted with a task to be achieved.
Presently, I could traverse on the incidents in cool mind. The reason of his sissy dressing was clear to me. He had been forced into sissy dressing by Prem. The very reason of his continuance with sissy dressing even after disliking was brute force. That Sunday, when I was out on groceries, Prem must have bullied him to submit and accept on his terms. Quite possible, he had threatened to pull out his balls. He was capable of doing that. He had done earlier at least once with Vipul, husband of Rachana. Every action of my husband from sissy dressing to slavery following that Sunday was effectively out of fear. I had misunderstood him. I had overlooked his sincere appeal of rejection. I had failed to assimilate Prem’s threat. I had accepted Prem’s theory of cuckoldry in my wanton desire to motherhood. I had assisted Prem to intimidate him to achieve my hidden goal without realising Prem’s threat. My life had changed. Our life had changed at my foolish paranoid composition. I could not trace any light of hope on our immediate relief. We were at the mercy of Prem all because of my foolish acts. I concentrated on my immediate task on making him agree to apologize to Prem.
***
In privacy of our room, in the morning I asked him to apologize to Prem. I tried to reason with him that Prem is a strong, proud, somewhat arrogant man and better to apologize. He refused. I exerted psychological pressure on him. He was hopelessly in love with me. He did not desert me even after finding blatant adultery on my part. I was assured; he would not leave me on any conditions.Safely I put all blames on him for last night incidents. I falsely accused him of starting fight with Prem and so it was proper for him to apologize. Still, he did not agree.I thought of telling and cautioning him with Vipul’s story. Then decided for wait and watch. I knew, he would budge. I continued exerting mental pressure with coldness. After lunch Prem took me out leaving him behind engaging him with the laundry works and cleaning off floor of Prem’s room. Prem had planned for movie followed by dinner. I was forced in push up bra and stretchable leggings & top gifted by Prem. They clung to my body outlining my body contour prominently. He objected my dress stating it was obscene. I knew it was obscene. It was projecting me as a cheap whore. I had my limitations. I was terrified on Prem’s disliking. I made another huge blunder. I prominently put sindoor and mangalsutra visible, a sign of Hinndu married woman. Desperately, I wanted to prove that I was not a whore, but a married woman with my husband.
My husband was right. My obscene dressing attracted crowd everywhere we travelled. It started with our neighbour’s son, Arun. I disliked him for his lecherous behaviour and lewd comments. I reprimanded him once. Finding me in lasciviousdress, he took opportunity to get introduced with Prem with hidden agenda of cherishing my figure. Prem introduced himself as my boyfriend. Still I had some pride left in me. I corrected him as ex-boyfriend. Prem got irked and made me call back Arun. I was compelled to send Arun to our house for reminding my husband to clean the floor properly.
I was an object of lewd display. Prem continued cupping and pinching my ass in public enacting his authority. Lascivious grazing of public or my ardent pleading, nothing deterred him from his lewd acts. He enjoyed my shameful abasement in view of full public. I should have committed suicide that day itself. Prem continued fondling me inside hall; I felt it preferred than public graze. In the meantime, Manu melted. He was ready for apology. He sent me a series of SMS depicting his total surrender.
Finally, he proposed, "I'll prepare dinner before you come, OK?"
Happily, I messaged, "OK."
I was immensely happy. No more obscene display. By the time movie would end, darkness would prevail and we would directly go home skipping restaurant visit for dinner. He had saved me from my imminent disgrace. I was grateful to him. Prem planned otherwise. He wanted a display of his proud possession. He took me to his favourite Mughlai restaurant for non-veg parcel. I was again disgraced in full view of a section of perverted audience.
Earlier on the day my husband was concerned on my obscene dress. He was worried for lewd remarks of public. I defied him, "Don't worry about that, Manu. They won't make a pass when they see I'm with a MAN."
The person I claimed to be a MAN was in apathetic contemptuous mood of defaming me. On other side, the person I had never considered a MAN was worried for my pride and toiling hard to preserve my dignity. I had earlier considered sexual power and well endowment were synonyms with MAN. He was lacking of these traits, traits acquired by gift; He had no role to play. But he was superior on the traits cultivated by a person. He was a real MAN.
Back home, he apologized to Prem. My tension got over. Prem continued his vulgar display of cupping and pinching my ass in presence of him till I took leave for refreshing. By that time, it was clear to me of Prem’s intentions. My meek submission was not going to save me from public humiliation. When my husband went for bath, I cautioned Prem not to intimidate my husband in future and was ready to take the risk. I made him clear that I would risk my life for life of my husband. I risked Prem’s threat of blackmailing and defied him. I maintained physical distance from him. I showered my love and affection to my husband in his presence.
In privacy of our room, I corrected my earlier statement. I praised Manu for his manly behaviour, "I was proud of you Manu. It takes a REAL MAN to say sorry when he knows he is wrong."
Though I defied Prem and cautioned him, I was in terror. I knew Prem’s character. It was clear to me that Prem enjoyed seeing him in feminine dress. Prem enjoyed bedding his wife with his full knowledge. Prem was enjoying his debacle and fear. It satisfied his ego. He would not harm him, till he remained submissive. Prem was happy with his apology. Prem’s ego was satisfied. Vipul resurfaced in my memory. I did not want my husband face same condition. I encouraged him in sissy dressing while I continued searching for graceful exit from Prem’s clutch.
***
I was wrong again in assessment of Prem’s character fully. I knew, he was an egoistic person. I failed to realise his egoism could be so cruel and gruesome. Next day was Monday, first working day of week. In the morning, I was in bed, when he progressed to Prem’s room for towelling. Prem injured his left hand on flimsy ground. He was probably punished for not wearing sissy dress. My showering love & affection in his presence could be another reason.I got scared like dead. My submission was completed.
On way to hospital, Prem maligned me once more. He pretended to leave if I desired, knowing very well that I could not take risk asking him to leave. He projected me a slut sleeping with him on my purpose. I had to digest this ignominious abetment on my character. My mistake was boomeranging on me. Luckily, his hand injury was not grave. We were saved. I fabricated a story on his injury. I could not divulge the truth for the sake of my societal honour.
Back home, I had a tough time explaining him reasons for not letting Prem leave. I had to make lame excuses. He did not protest much. Most probably, he understood my limitations, my physical constraints. He was ashamed of his sexual power. He was ashamed for not able to satisfy me in bed. Prem’s torment had added another dimension to it. I wanted him to be proactive not to irk Prem. Prem was a physically strong arrogant man in comparison with him. I was looking for his safety. I narrated him the real story of Prem involving Rachna and Vipul. My aim was not to terrorise him. I wanted him to safe guard himself avoiding provocation with Prem. I allowed Prem more privileges over me to divert his attention from my husband. I started showering him with kisses at every opportunity. I wanted him to divert attention from my husband. I wanted him to be psychologically depressed not to raise any direct confrontation with Prem. I could not find a better way to tide over the situation.
In spite of my all efforts to isolate my husband, Prem found his way to bully him during my absence. Due to some strange reasons, Prem always avoided bullying him in my presence. He was afraid of me on something. I did not realise the real reason at that time. He was afraid of security officer. He was afraid of my knowledge on his past crime with Vipul. He was afraid of me approaching security officer complaining against him. I did not realise that at that time. I was afraid on my existence. I was terrified on his blackmailing.
Prem started exerting his authority in more prominent way. There was no question for my husband towelling him with his left arm casted. He wanted me fresh from tiredness in his bed. He arranged for gym for both of us. He found out a new way to display his prized trophy every morning. He fixed my duty to wake him up every morning with a blowjob. Once I had slapped him for the same!
The template was for next two weeks routine, starting with Tuesday, the next day of my husband’s casting, with some variation remained similar. Every day, I would get up early and prepare Prem for gym. My husband would wait for our return after preparing coffee. I would give bath to him, dress up for office. Prem would drop him to office and on return journey would drop him a few blocks away from our house, a 10 minutes walking distance to purchase jasmine gajra. Prem would sexually torture me to quell, knowing very well my husband was waiting outside. Night in bed, I would manipulate him to be proactive, wearing sissy dressing, and not to lose hope.
Many times I requested Prem to stop this office return torture. I did propose to come to his bed at night, but he did not heed to my request.
As an exception, on Wednesday, Prem planned for more humiliation for my husband, he planned for creampie. He forced me to feed my husband with his semen. I had to do it. For the first time I gave my head to my husband, while feeding him Prem’s load. He was excited, he was happy on my lips on his shaft.
On Friday Prem coerced me to a new level. He planned for a liquor party after dinner and my dress code also. He wanted to enjoy his woman with wine. He penetrated me right on sofa in the hall keeping my husband captivated in his room. I was not a regular drinker. Soon I had no clear sense of the proceedings. Vaguely I remembered, I had a satisfying orgasm. I learned in the middle of night that Prem had forced my husband to lick my semen flooded pussy.
Next day morning Prem claimed ownership of my body completely. He threatened to pull out his balls in the event he touches the body owned by him. I remembered Vipul. I got frightened remembering Wednesday; I had given my head to my husband. I cautioned him again and again, "No matter how Prem might provoke you with words or actions, do NOT mention, suggest or discuss with him, what happened on Wednesday night, OK?"
We went for a movie together. I was dressed in sari. Prem continued to display his ownership in the movie hall. He continued fondling my breast right beside my husband. All my attempts went vain to stop his bizarre activity. Embarrassed and dejected, I sent my husband to fetch snacks & cool drinks. He was not returning. I got panicky and came out of hall in search of him. I located him speaking with a couple. I approached them. Heaven broke on my head. The couple was Manu’s college friends, Puja & Aslam. They recognized me of visiting previous week in obscene dress. They had observed his wife had been groped by another man in open. It did not end there. To complete my destruction, Prem joined. They correctly recognised Prem as the person accompanied me in movie hall. They did remember the vulgarity of Prem’s relentless grouping my ass in public. I wanted to die. I wanted to die on spot.
Puja & Aslam had permanent tattoos in their hands. Embarrassed in morbid shyness I diverted their attention on their tattoo.
Our honour was at stake. We were fortunate that they were not very close to him. But it could have been different. I could have been traced by my friends, his close friends or even by his office colleagues. The very reason of my submission was proved to be suicidal. Back home, I charged Prem. I made him clear that, I was not part of his evil plan of blatant exposure of my body any more. He accepted on condition of my shifting to his room. I was not in a position to stop his sexual tortures. My husband was well aware of my regular sleeping with Prem. By shifting to his room, at least he would be spared from standing outside in humiliation. I agreed.
On Sunday morning, he fixed shifting day for forthcoming Saturday. He wanted his woman to be comfortable with him in bed. He handed me a phone no to fix appointment for Ac repair on Saturday. As a token of his ownership, he fixed tattoo with A.A on my midriff. He got the idea from tattoos of Puja & Aslam.
My husband did not take the tattoo lightly. On Monday morning, while bathing, he complained about tattoo with A.A. He thought it was synonym with Amir Ali. I pacified him. But he thought otherwise. He removed it that night. I got scared of Prem. I was proved correct. Prem bullied him next day morning keeping me at a bay.
He phoned me to inform of his decisions of removing cast immediately. I vehemently opposed and finally he agreed for Friday. On insistence, he revealed of his decision due to Prem. He had been bullied that morning and wanted to join gym to improve his strength to fight Prem. I sensed danger. I begged him to change his mind, "Don't be silly, Manu. You'll only be looking for a fight. Do join a gym, but do it after Prem leaves, OK? I don't want more fights. I'll talk to him, and make sure he doesn't start up an unprovoked fight with you, OK?"
I scolded Prem on his arrival that day evening as coward. I threatened him of booking him to security officer on another instance of bullying him. I made him clear that, I was ready to risk my honour due to leakages of my photos, to safeguard my husband. I denied him sex that evening. Prem surrendered to my threat but I failed to understand of his weakness. He cited of his jealousy of I being touched by other man other than him. He claimed ownership of my body. He promised not to touch my husband, once I shift to him.
Prem purchased me a yellow gorgeous sari and backless blouse for shifting ceremony. The repair crew were his friends and he wanted to introduce his prized woman to them. The instruction was clear. After bath she had to dress in that sari blouse flaunting her curves. She must be without any undergarments.He planned to take her to his bed in presence of her husband immediately on repair of Ac. Any violation may lead to disrobing in presence of crew members.
***
Friday, I reached my husband’s office to take him to hospital. He ignored all my calls. Did Prem inform him about my shifting to Prem’s room next day? Was it the reason for him to ignore my calls? I managed to get him near to his office. Soon it was evident that my anxiety was wrong. He had no idea of my planned shifting to Prem. I enjoyed a few hours with my husband after a long period keeping aside my mental hostility. I did realise what I was missing and would be missing in near future. Removal of casting was uneventful. Finding no deterioration, I got relieved. I was reminded of tough days were ahead in front of him. His physical fitness was important to me. Doctor advised for rest for his hand for another two weeks.
Jaya intervened, “But how did you know the exact date and time of doctor’s appointment? Manu did not tell you.”
“Since Tuesday, the day Prem bullied him for removing my tattoo, he was avoiding me completely. He was not even looking at my face. Earlier, he was jolly during our shared bath in the morning. Since that day, he did not show any enthusiasm. In bed also his attitude was cold. I had my own problems. The forthcoming tremor pre-occupied my brain completely. I was on search for a suitable explanation for my shifting to Prem. I was scared to disturb his resolute. I could not ask him. I contacted the hospital for details.”
“I see. What happened then after?”
Back home, I indicated him to switch over to sissy dress again. His continuing to sissy dress would avoid confrontation with Prem. I did not want Prem to physically hurt him again. He was insisting for normal dress. I had to threaten him. I had to remind him again about Rachna-Vipul."I'm advising you in YOUR interest, Manu. I'd rather not see what happened to Vipul happen to you. And it could get worse, if you really want to get into physical fights with someone you KNOW is..."
That day evening Prem rehashed me of my duties on next day. He reminded me of dress code and introduction part. He was jovial of getting me in his bed for coming days every night.
Saturday morning I put my best efforts not to disappoint Prem. I took extra precaution to entertain his Ac repair crew friends as his woman. I was afraid of being disrobed in presence of them. He did not miss a single chance to show off my body in front of them by feeling and groping my breast and private part. He was eager to display his ownership to his friends. I made many vain attempts to restrict him finally surrendered to my fate. He appreciated me in between for my assets and efforts. He was cheerful on my submission. Once the repair was over, my husband went ahead to clear the bill. I was happy not being disrobed in presence of the Ac crew.
Prem led me to his room. He stopped me from closing the door. My begging fell into dump ears. My disrobing started with my blouse. He unknotted the knots of strings on my back to fondle my free breasts from behind. I heard some footsteps. Apprehending my husband, I jumped to bed freeing myself from clutches of Prem. Hurriedly I could cover my exposed back and face with sari pallu. I was wrong. The person was one of his friends re-appeared to collect some tools. It was a ploy. Prem did it deliberately to break all my spirits. I saw my husband standing on the threshold of door disbelieving.
Immediately on his exit, Prem picked me from bed and quickly disrobed me removing my sari – petticoat. I was placed on all fours, knees wide apart to match his erected tool. He lubricated his tool with mucus before entering me. I heard the closing of main door followed by some approaching footsteps. There could not be any mistake. My husband must be coming. Prem was pistoning in and out of me. Prem had bedded me earlier also in presence of him. But there was some barrier, a hell lot of difference from present situation. In utter shame I buried my face in the bed. I fervently prayed for him not to come. I did not want him to witness. I did not want him to be disgraced along with me.
I did not see him coming. I felt the presence of him. Prem’s action on my body distinctly made me feel the difference. He was thrusting in and out with his all might gripping my hips tightly. I engulfed my screams within myself. I clogged my jaws forcefully not to accept defeat. He was causing me unbearable pain. He increased his thrust. He was pushing more and more into me on every thrust. I could not withstand any more. I accepted my defeat. I wailed in pain, "Aaaaaaaah...Aaaahhhhh...slower please, Amir....Aaaaaahhhh...." Prem completed the process of converting me as his sex slave. He completed the process of ultimate humiliation of my husband.
Prem continued his perverted pleasure. My body was under his control. I started thinking of next. I was not much conscious on Prem’s onslaught then after. I was worried for facing my husband and aftermath. Was there any justification for me to live? Live with all hatred of my husband. There was no question of love. No husband of this world could forgive his wife, leaving aside love. What were the options left with me? He can seek divorce and leave me for another wife. I had no place to go. Neither could I go back to my parents nor with Prem. Moving with Prem was equivalent to become his mistress, his personal whore. He would have sold me to flesh world. My mistakes had brought me to this situation. Ending life was easier. Committing suicide was the only option left for me. The immediate hurdle was to face my husband. Would I be able to live up my face to him?
And I could. Not only I did face him, I manipulated him, blamed him as an explanation for my bizarre behaviour. I blamed him for lack of attachment whereas; the flow of incidents demonstrated the lack of attachment on my part. I blamed him for keeping quiet for long three weeks from the time he was aware of my physical relationship with Prem. He did not protest. The truth was I did not allow him to confront me. The truth was Prem was tormenting him physically. I had knowledge about it before his hand injury. I could not protect him from Prem’s belligerent assault. The truth was I only forced him accept Prem’s staying with us against his willingness. The truth was I only allowed Prem to seduce me, take me to his bed. The truth was I concealed truth from him for purpose. The truth was I coerced him to fulfil my dream of attaining my motherhood.
I could do all above for my husband only. He only had given me the strength. He assured me of his love. I asked him, “do you hate me now, Manu?"
He countered, "YOU sleep with another man, Kavi. A man who bullies me all the time, and enjoys humiliating me. You join him and rub it in my face. And you're accusing ME of hating you?"
I asked, "So do you think I hate you, Manu?"
He countered again, "I don't know if you hate me, Kavi. But I know you despise me. You have no respect for me. And I don't think you love me."
I got my answer. He was hopelessly in love with me. In spite of so much humiliation, he could not stop but loving me. I was ensured that he won’t me leaving pushing me into hell. He decided my next course of action without him knowing. I could not die. I had to live for my husband. I had to surrender to Prem till I could find out a solution. It was my destiny. I could not tell him of my sufferings. I could not tell him that my sufferings were no way less than his. His sufferings were visible. My sufferings were invisible. His sufferings were known to me. My sufferings were confounded within me.
He questioned me about truth behind my sleeping with Prem before marriage. I accepted. He referred Prem as my boyfriend. Even at that crucial moment I got irked at his reference. I vehemently objected as "EX-BOYFRIEND!!! NOT BOYFRIEND!!!” He continued stressing accepting me Prem as my boyfriend. Finally I surrendered from argument. I could only tell him, "Things are not necessarily what they look like."
That day I had to confuse him. I had to divert his attention from truth. His hiding of truth on ‘incidents of Saturday’ had pained me. It did not occur in my mind that, I had hid many things from him. I was selfishly thinking of facts he had hid from me. My behaviour was more bizarre than his. The mere thought of he can hid something from me was causing me pain. The fact that he did not believe me was acute concern for me. His hiding of facts had no connection of my shifting to Prem. I took it as an opportunity to camouflage his mind. I projected it indirectly as the reason of my shifting. I wanted his mind to be pre-occupied in that direction.
Inquisitively Jaya asked, “You did not clarify the boyfriend and Ex-boyfriend paradox. Your irritation was clear on mention of boyfriend. Can you elaborate?”
“I always considered boyfriend is the person with whom you share a romantic relationship. To whom you can trust and depend. To whom you can confer your distress and seek comfort. A boyfriend is a person who will never cheat on you, who will always be ready to help you for your goodness. Merely sexual relationship cannot elevate somebody to a level of boyfriend. I was not sharing any romantic relationship with Prem. I hardly spoke to him with my mind. I rather did not believe him. My association with him was merged with unswerving interests. I was being blackmailed by him. He could not be my boyfriend. “
I took a long pause.
Jaya nonchalantly expressed, “Manu was tormented with your boyfriend concept. Anyway, continue from your shifting.”
That night I went to Prem’s bedroom for the first time to sleep in his bed. For quite some time in past I was sleeping with him. But this was different. For the first time I walked in front of my husband to occupy Prem’s bed as his sexual partner. I could not look at my husband. My every step was taking to my destruction. I was dying internally from ........”.
Jaya intervened, “I can understand your mental turmoil. Keep it aside and concentrate on events. I am more interested on the events rather than your psychological explanation.”
I shivered at her rudeness. She had nothing to do with my pain and mental agony. Painfully I acknowledged, “Sorry Jaya for exasperation. Henceforth, I will concentrate more on the events. “
After a pause I continued. That night I slept like a log. I surrendered to my previous two sleepless nights. Next day, Sunday, Prem took me to mall to purchase new dresses for morning workout session; t-shirt to reveal midriff. Next, he wanted me to fix a permanent tattoo. I rejected his proposal vehemently. Finally, he settled for a temporary one. We returned home in the evening. The first thing Prem enforced on me to fix tattoo in my midriff with his initials A.A in commiseration to his possession of my body.
***
Kavita
Next day was Saturday and he had off. Prem asked me to send him out. He wanted sex. He was merciful. He could have taken me to his bed in presence of him. He took me to his bed immediately after I sent him out on pretext of purchasing eggs. This time he did not ring the bell on his return. He patiently waited for his master to complete his carnal enjoyment with his wife. He pressed the door bell only after ensuring that his wife had been well fucked and his master had been satisfied. Still, he pretended ignorance. He did not confront me.
I was getting frustrated on his behaviour and attitude. His wife was being bedded repeatedly in front of his eyes and he was indifferent! Could any MAN of this world having minimum self-respect tolerate such blatant adultery? I decided to give him a lesson; I decided to wake him up in hard way to accept the brutal reality. I asked him to hand wash all my seamen strained clothes while Prem continued fondling me right in front of his eyes. To rub salt on his pretended ignorance, I inspected his wash and specifically asked to clean the strains again. I wanted him to acknowledge my adultery. I wanted him to know my continual sleeping with Prem repeatedly. I saw tears in his eyes. He hung his head in shame. I understood my mistakes. He also could have similar compulsions like me. Was he also being blackmailed with the photos of my college days committed sins? Possibility of this was more viable. He loved me. He could do anything for me. Without realising compulsions, I had hunted him.I was feeling remorse. He was tired of physical and mental exhaustion, yet extended his help in my cooking. He was hopelessly in love with me. Even after knowing my brazen adultery, he did not desert me, he did not rebuke me, he did not confront me. I wanted to be with him after lunch. I was longing for his company. But I had to go. Prem had asked my company for a movie. I had no power to refuse him.
Prem enjoyed his time with his slave in the movie hall. I had to create proper access for my master to touch me, feel me properly in semi darkness. He was happy on his slave. He took his slave to mall to decorate her in new attires. He purchased her new body hugging and revealing garments. He wanted a display of his slave to the world. He concentrated on her undergarments this time. Push up bras and crotch less panties added in in shopping bags. My master was very happy. He took me to restaurant. I managed to parcel some food for my husband.
He did not eat properly. His frustration and dismay were clear. Did he hate me now? I wanted to be on his side. But my master had other intention. He cringed to my body pushing me to his left as happened in movie hall and resumed his unfinished rough artwork from the point where he left in movie hall. Embarrassed, I tried to cover his hand with my sari pallu. My husband came for water and gone back to his bedroom. When I got permission to go to my bed, he was still awake. Guardedly, I asked him if he was Ok as he did not eat properly.
Finally, he came out of his shell. He initiated confrontation. I was always confused of the reasons for him not confronting me. I was conjuring him in my mind as a person of lacking attachment. When he actually initiated confrontation, I realised how difficult it was to face confrontation. I put the blame on him of negligence and careless behaviour to his wife. I walked out of bedroom to avoid his confrontation. Prem was still sitting on the sofa. I asked him to move to a single seater and lied on the double seater. My husband followed me. He was profusely apologizing and requesting me to come back to bedroom. I refused. Prem asked him to go back. He did not budge and kept on requesting me. Prem pushed him by his shoulder indicating to go back. He pushed Prem by force to stumble on his foot. Then it happened. It was beyond my imagination.
Prem slapped him. My master slapped my husband in my presence. I failed to perform duty of a wife. I was no longer his wife. I was a slave of my master. I did not protest. I could not protest. Prem captivated him on the floor. I continued observing haplessly not realising what was happening. I regained sense only when he croaked in pain. I made a meek request for his release. Prem granted my prayer. He released him. He got up and seeing Prem’s raised hand sprinted to his room. He rushed to his bedroom and closed from inside to save his life. He had been physically intimidated.
Prem was angry. His hands fisted in anger. He growled, “How he dares to touch me? Pushing Amir Ali? He needs a good lesson to be taught. I will pull out his balls.”
Prem’s body was shivering. I was awestruck in surprise turn of the events. Horror struck me. I realised the severe consequences would follow. I got up in trembling leg. Prem needed to be pacified. I hugged him from behind and continued rubbing his chaste. I pleaded, “Forgive him Amir, He had made a mistake. He will realise his mistake. Cool down please. Don’t be so angry.”
Prem was a prudent egoistic man. He cherished to be called Amir in private. After a while he cooled down somewhat. He took me in his arms. He growled again, “You had seen Kavi, how dangerously he had pushed me. Tomorrow, I will take care of him.”
In order to pacify him more, I kissed him, deep on his lips. He melted slowly initiating fondling my breast. Then in a sudden jerk, he separated me from his body. He gestured me to kneel down while freeing HIM from confinement. I knew what he wanted. I had no options. Soon he became hard. He lifted me to his room. He made me stand near the bed and gracefully undressed me savouring every part of my body inch by inch. He made me bend over the bed and legs wide open keeping my body weight on the bed. I was forced in that posture till his deposited load leaked out of me drop by drop pooling on the floor.
He fetched the blue, thigh length nighty from balcony for me to change. In his typical arrogant mood he said, ”Being the first offence, I will let him off. On repetition, I will take his balls out. Make him understand, Kavi.”
I assured him of Manu’s obedience and apology.He was not finished. He wanted more. Next, I discovered myself again on my knees working on his shaft. He had stamina. He was hard again to invade me. Soon he was on top on me in missionary position.Again, he deposited his load. Finally, my master was happy with successive invasion on my body. He completed my conversion to his bitch.My ordeal was over. Prem slept soon not before airing his demand for apology from my husband for pushing him at night to avoid creation of another Vipul, husband of Rachna. I went back to sofa exhausted with a task to be achieved.
Presently, I could traverse on the incidents in cool mind. The reason of his sissy dressing was clear to me. He had been forced into sissy dressing by Prem. The very reason of his continuance with sissy dressing even after disliking was brute force. That Sunday, when I was out on groceries, Prem must have bullied him to submit and accept on his terms. Quite possible, he had threatened to pull out his balls. He was capable of doing that. He had done earlier at least once with Vipul, husband of Rachana. Every action of my husband from sissy dressing to slavery following that Sunday was effectively out of fear. I had misunderstood him. I had overlooked his sincere appeal of rejection. I had failed to assimilate Prem’s threat. I had accepted Prem’s theory of cuckoldry in my wanton desire to motherhood. I had assisted Prem to intimidate him to achieve my hidden goal without realising Prem’s threat. My life had changed. Our life had changed at my foolish paranoid composition. I could not trace any light of hope on our immediate relief. We were at the mercy of Prem all because of my foolish acts. I concentrated on my immediate task on making him agree to apologize to Prem.
***
In privacy of our room, in the morning I asked him to apologize to Prem. I tried to reason with him that Prem is a strong, proud, somewhat arrogant man and better to apologize. He refused. I exerted psychological pressure on him. He was hopelessly in love with me. He did not desert me even after finding blatant adultery on my part. I was assured; he would not leave me on any conditions.Safely I put all blames on him for last night incidents. I falsely accused him of starting fight with Prem and so it was proper for him to apologize. Still, he did not agree.I thought of telling and cautioning him with Vipul’s story. Then decided for wait and watch. I knew, he would budge. I continued exerting mental pressure with coldness. After lunch Prem took me out leaving him behind engaging him with the laundry works and cleaning off floor of Prem’s room. Prem had planned for movie followed by dinner. I was forced in push up bra and stretchable leggings & top gifted by Prem. They clung to my body outlining my body contour prominently. He objected my dress stating it was obscene. I knew it was obscene. It was projecting me as a cheap whore. I had my limitations. I was terrified on Prem’s disliking. I made another huge blunder. I prominently put sindoor and mangalsutra visible, a sign of Hinndu married woman. Desperately, I wanted to prove that I was not a whore, but a married woman with my husband.
My husband was right. My obscene dressing attracted crowd everywhere we travelled. It started with our neighbour’s son, Arun. I disliked him for his lecherous behaviour and lewd comments. I reprimanded him once. Finding me in lasciviousdress, he took opportunity to get introduced with Prem with hidden agenda of cherishing my figure. Prem introduced himself as my boyfriend. Still I had some pride left in me. I corrected him as ex-boyfriend. Prem got irked and made me call back Arun. I was compelled to send Arun to our house for reminding my husband to clean the floor properly.
I was an object of lewd display. Prem continued cupping and pinching my ass in public enacting his authority. Lascivious grazing of public or my ardent pleading, nothing deterred him from his lewd acts. He enjoyed my shameful abasement in view of full public. I should have committed suicide that day itself. Prem continued fondling me inside hall; I felt it preferred than public graze. In the meantime, Manu melted. He was ready for apology. He sent me a series of SMS depicting his total surrender.
Finally, he proposed, "I'll prepare dinner before you come, OK?"
Happily, I messaged, "OK."
I was immensely happy. No more obscene display. By the time movie would end, darkness would prevail and we would directly go home skipping restaurant visit for dinner. He had saved me from my imminent disgrace. I was grateful to him. Prem planned otherwise. He wanted a display of his proud possession. He took me to his favourite Mughlai restaurant for non-veg parcel. I was again disgraced in full view of a section of perverted audience.
Earlier on the day my husband was concerned on my obscene dress. He was worried for lewd remarks of public. I defied him, "Don't worry about that, Manu. They won't make a pass when they see I'm with a MAN."
The person I claimed to be a MAN was in apathetic contemptuous mood of defaming me. On other side, the person I had never considered a MAN was worried for my pride and toiling hard to preserve my dignity. I had earlier considered sexual power and well endowment were synonyms with MAN. He was lacking of these traits, traits acquired by gift; He had no role to play. But he was superior on the traits cultivated by a person. He was a real MAN.
Back home, he apologized to Prem. My tension got over. Prem continued his vulgar display of cupping and pinching my ass in presence of him till I took leave for refreshing. By that time, it was clear to me of Prem’s intentions. My meek submission was not going to save me from public humiliation. When my husband went for bath, I cautioned Prem not to intimidate my husband in future and was ready to take the risk. I made him clear that I would risk my life for life of my husband. I risked Prem’s threat of blackmailing and defied him. I maintained physical distance from him. I showered my love and affection to my husband in his presence.
In privacy of our room, I corrected my earlier statement. I praised Manu for his manly behaviour, "I was proud of you Manu. It takes a REAL MAN to say sorry when he knows he is wrong."
Though I defied Prem and cautioned him, I was in terror. I knew Prem’s character. It was clear to me that Prem enjoyed seeing him in feminine dress. Prem enjoyed bedding his wife with his full knowledge. Prem was enjoying his debacle and fear. It satisfied his ego. He would not harm him, till he remained submissive. Prem was happy with his apology. Prem’s ego was satisfied. Vipul resurfaced in my memory. I did not want my husband face same condition. I encouraged him in sissy dressing while I continued searching for graceful exit from Prem’s clutch.
***
I was wrong again in assessment of Prem’s character fully. I knew, he was an egoistic person. I failed to realise his egoism could be so cruel and gruesome. Next day was Monday, first working day of week. In the morning, I was in bed, when he progressed to Prem’s room for towelling. Prem injured his left hand on flimsy ground. He was probably punished for not wearing sissy dress. My showering love & affection in his presence could be another reason.I got scared like dead. My submission was completed.
On way to hospital, Prem maligned me once more. He pretended to leave if I desired, knowing very well that I could not take risk asking him to leave. He projected me a slut sleeping with him on my purpose. I had to digest this ignominious abetment on my character. My mistake was boomeranging on me. Luckily, his hand injury was not grave. We were saved. I fabricated a story on his injury. I could not divulge the truth for the sake of my societal honour.
Back home, I had a tough time explaining him reasons for not letting Prem leave. I had to make lame excuses. He did not protest much. Most probably, he understood my limitations, my physical constraints. He was ashamed of his sexual power. He was ashamed for not able to satisfy me in bed. Prem’s torment had added another dimension to it. I wanted him to be proactive not to irk Prem. Prem was a physically strong arrogant man in comparison with him. I was looking for his safety. I narrated him the real story of Prem involving Rachna and Vipul. My aim was not to terrorise him. I wanted him to safe guard himself avoiding provocation with Prem. I allowed Prem more privileges over me to divert his attention from my husband. I started showering him with kisses at every opportunity. I wanted him to divert attention from my husband. I wanted him to be psychologically depressed not to raise any direct confrontation with Prem. I could not find a better way to tide over the situation.
In spite of my all efforts to isolate my husband, Prem found his way to bully him during my absence. Due to some strange reasons, Prem always avoided bullying him in my presence. He was afraid of me on something. I did not realise the real reason at that time. He was afraid of security officer. He was afraid of my knowledge on his past crime with Vipul. He was afraid of me approaching security officer complaining against him. I did not realise that at that time. I was afraid on my existence. I was terrified on his blackmailing.
Prem started exerting his authority in more prominent way. There was no question for my husband towelling him with his left arm casted. He wanted me fresh from tiredness in his bed. He arranged for gym for both of us. He found out a new way to display his prized trophy every morning. He fixed my duty to wake him up every morning with a blowjob. Once I had slapped him for the same!
The template was for next two weeks routine, starting with Tuesday, the next day of my husband’s casting, with some variation remained similar. Every day, I would get up early and prepare Prem for gym. My husband would wait for our return after preparing coffee. I would give bath to him, dress up for office. Prem would drop him to office and on return journey would drop him a few blocks away from our house, a 10 minutes walking distance to purchase jasmine gajra. Prem would sexually torture me to quell, knowing very well my husband was waiting outside. Night in bed, I would manipulate him to be proactive, wearing sissy dressing, and not to lose hope.
Many times I requested Prem to stop this office return torture. I did propose to come to his bed at night, but he did not heed to my request.
As an exception, on Wednesday, Prem planned for more humiliation for my husband, he planned for creampie. He forced me to feed my husband with his semen. I had to do it. For the first time I gave my head to my husband, while feeding him Prem’s load. He was excited, he was happy on my lips on his shaft.
On Friday Prem coerced me to a new level. He planned for a liquor party after dinner and my dress code also. He wanted to enjoy his woman with wine. He penetrated me right on sofa in the hall keeping my husband captivated in his room. I was not a regular drinker. Soon I had no clear sense of the proceedings. Vaguely I remembered, I had a satisfying orgasm. I learned in the middle of night that Prem had forced my husband to lick my semen flooded pussy.
Next day morning Prem claimed ownership of my body completely. He threatened to pull out his balls in the event he touches the body owned by him. I remembered Vipul. I got frightened remembering Wednesday; I had given my head to my husband. I cautioned him again and again, "No matter how Prem might provoke you with words or actions, do NOT mention, suggest or discuss with him, what happened on Wednesday night, OK?"
We went for a movie together. I was dressed in sari. Prem continued to display his ownership in the movie hall. He continued fondling my breast right beside my husband. All my attempts went vain to stop his bizarre activity. Embarrassed and dejected, I sent my husband to fetch snacks & cool drinks. He was not returning. I got panicky and came out of hall in search of him. I located him speaking with a couple. I approached them. Heaven broke on my head. The couple was Manu’s college friends, Puja & Aslam. They recognized me of visiting previous week in obscene dress. They had observed his wife had been groped by another man in open. It did not end there. To complete my destruction, Prem joined. They correctly recognised Prem as the person accompanied me in movie hall. They did remember the vulgarity of Prem’s relentless grouping my ass in public. I wanted to die. I wanted to die on spot.
Puja & Aslam had permanent tattoos in their hands. Embarrassed in morbid shyness I diverted their attention on their tattoo.
Our honour was at stake. We were fortunate that they were not very close to him. But it could have been different. I could have been traced by my friends, his close friends or even by his office colleagues. The very reason of my submission was proved to be suicidal. Back home, I charged Prem. I made him clear that, I was not part of his evil plan of blatant exposure of my body any more. He accepted on condition of my shifting to his room. I was not in a position to stop his sexual tortures. My husband was well aware of my regular sleeping with Prem. By shifting to his room, at least he would be spared from standing outside in humiliation. I agreed.
On Sunday morning, he fixed shifting day for forthcoming Saturday. He wanted his woman to be comfortable with him in bed. He handed me a phone no to fix appointment for Ac repair on Saturday. As a token of his ownership, he fixed tattoo with A.A on my midriff. He got the idea from tattoos of Puja & Aslam.
My husband did not take the tattoo lightly. On Monday morning, while bathing, he complained about tattoo with A.A. He thought it was synonym with Amir Ali. I pacified him. But he thought otherwise. He removed it that night. I got scared of Prem. I was proved correct. Prem bullied him next day morning keeping me at a bay.
He phoned me to inform of his decisions of removing cast immediately. I vehemently opposed and finally he agreed for Friday. On insistence, he revealed of his decision due to Prem. He had been bullied that morning and wanted to join gym to improve his strength to fight Prem. I sensed danger. I begged him to change his mind, "Don't be silly, Manu. You'll only be looking for a fight. Do join a gym, but do it after Prem leaves, OK? I don't want more fights. I'll talk to him, and make sure he doesn't start up an unprovoked fight with you, OK?"
I scolded Prem on his arrival that day evening as coward. I threatened him of booking him to security officer on another instance of bullying him. I made him clear that, I was ready to risk my honour due to leakages of my photos, to safeguard my husband. I denied him sex that evening. Prem surrendered to my threat but I failed to understand of his weakness. He cited of his jealousy of I being touched by other man other than him. He claimed ownership of my body. He promised not to touch my husband, once I shift to him.
Prem purchased me a yellow gorgeous sari and backless blouse for shifting ceremony. The repair crew were his friends and he wanted to introduce his prized woman to them. The instruction was clear. After bath she had to dress in that sari blouse flaunting her curves. She must be without any undergarments.He planned to take her to his bed in presence of her husband immediately on repair of Ac. Any violation may lead to disrobing in presence of crew members.
***
Friday, I reached my husband’s office to take him to hospital. He ignored all my calls. Did Prem inform him about my shifting to Prem’s room next day? Was it the reason for him to ignore my calls? I managed to get him near to his office. Soon it was evident that my anxiety was wrong. He had no idea of my planned shifting to Prem. I enjoyed a few hours with my husband after a long period keeping aside my mental hostility. I did realise what I was missing and would be missing in near future. Removal of casting was uneventful. Finding no deterioration, I got relieved. I was reminded of tough days were ahead in front of him. His physical fitness was important to me. Doctor advised for rest for his hand for another two weeks.
Jaya intervened, “But how did you know the exact date and time of doctor’s appointment? Manu did not tell you.”
“Since Tuesday, the day Prem bullied him for removing my tattoo, he was avoiding me completely. He was not even looking at my face. Earlier, he was jolly during our shared bath in the morning. Since that day, he did not show any enthusiasm. In bed also his attitude was cold. I had my own problems. The forthcoming tremor pre-occupied my brain completely. I was on search for a suitable explanation for my shifting to Prem. I was scared to disturb his resolute. I could not ask him. I contacted the hospital for details.”
“I see. What happened then after?”
Back home, I indicated him to switch over to sissy dress again. His continuing to sissy dress would avoid confrontation with Prem. I did not want Prem to physically hurt him again. He was insisting for normal dress. I had to threaten him. I had to remind him again about Rachna-Vipul."I'm advising you in YOUR interest, Manu. I'd rather not see what happened to Vipul happen to you. And it could get worse, if you really want to get into physical fights with someone you KNOW is..."
That day evening Prem rehashed me of my duties on next day. He reminded me of dress code and introduction part. He was jovial of getting me in his bed for coming days every night.
Saturday morning I put my best efforts not to disappoint Prem. I took extra precaution to entertain his Ac repair crew friends as his woman. I was afraid of being disrobed in presence of them. He did not miss a single chance to show off my body in front of them by feeling and groping my breast and private part. He was eager to display his ownership to his friends. I made many vain attempts to restrict him finally surrendered to my fate. He appreciated me in between for my assets and efforts. He was cheerful on my submission. Once the repair was over, my husband went ahead to clear the bill. I was happy not being disrobed in presence of the Ac crew.
Prem led me to his room. He stopped me from closing the door. My begging fell into dump ears. My disrobing started with my blouse. He unknotted the knots of strings on my back to fondle my free breasts from behind. I heard some footsteps. Apprehending my husband, I jumped to bed freeing myself from clutches of Prem. Hurriedly I could cover my exposed back and face with sari pallu. I was wrong. The person was one of his friends re-appeared to collect some tools. It was a ploy. Prem did it deliberately to break all my spirits. I saw my husband standing on the threshold of door disbelieving.
Immediately on his exit, Prem picked me from bed and quickly disrobed me removing my sari – petticoat. I was placed on all fours, knees wide apart to match his erected tool. He lubricated his tool with mucus before entering me. I heard the closing of main door followed by some approaching footsteps. There could not be any mistake. My husband must be coming. Prem was pistoning in and out of me. Prem had bedded me earlier also in presence of him. But there was some barrier, a hell lot of difference from present situation. In utter shame I buried my face in the bed. I fervently prayed for him not to come. I did not want him to witness. I did not want him to be disgraced along with me.
I did not see him coming. I felt the presence of him. Prem’s action on my body distinctly made me feel the difference. He was thrusting in and out with his all might gripping my hips tightly. I engulfed my screams within myself. I clogged my jaws forcefully not to accept defeat. He was causing me unbearable pain. He increased his thrust. He was pushing more and more into me on every thrust. I could not withstand any more. I accepted my defeat. I wailed in pain, "Aaaaaaaah...Aaaahhhhh...slower please, Amir....Aaaaaahhhh...." Prem completed the process of converting me as his sex slave. He completed the process of ultimate humiliation of my husband.
Prem continued his perverted pleasure. My body was under his control. I started thinking of next. I was not much conscious on Prem’s onslaught then after. I was worried for facing my husband and aftermath. Was there any justification for me to live? Live with all hatred of my husband. There was no question of love. No husband of this world could forgive his wife, leaving aside love. What were the options left with me? He can seek divorce and leave me for another wife. I had no place to go. Neither could I go back to my parents nor with Prem. Moving with Prem was equivalent to become his mistress, his personal whore. He would have sold me to flesh world. My mistakes had brought me to this situation. Ending life was easier. Committing suicide was the only option left for me. The immediate hurdle was to face my husband. Would I be able to live up my face to him?
And I could. Not only I did face him, I manipulated him, blamed him as an explanation for my bizarre behaviour. I blamed him for lack of attachment whereas; the flow of incidents demonstrated the lack of attachment on my part. I blamed him for keeping quiet for long three weeks from the time he was aware of my physical relationship with Prem. He did not protest. The truth was I did not allow him to confront me. The truth was Prem was tormenting him physically. I had knowledge about it before his hand injury. I could not protect him from Prem’s belligerent assault. The truth was I only forced him accept Prem’s staying with us against his willingness. The truth was I only allowed Prem to seduce me, take me to his bed. The truth was I concealed truth from him for purpose. The truth was I coerced him to fulfil my dream of attaining my motherhood.
I could do all above for my husband only. He only had given me the strength. He assured me of his love. I asked him, “do you hate me now, Manu?"
He countered, "YOU sleep with another man, Kavi. A man who bullies me all the time, and enjoys humiliating me. You join him and rub it in my face. And you're accusing ME of hating you?"
I asked, "So do you think I hate you, Manu?"
He countered again, "I don't know if you hate me, Kavi. But I know you despise me. You have no respect for me. And I don't think you love me."
I got my answer. He was hopelessly in love with me. In spite of so much humiliation, he could not stop but loving me. I was ensured that he won’t me leaving pushing me into hell. He decided my next course of action without him knowing. I could not die. I had to live for my husband. I had to surrender to Prem till I could find out a solution. It was my destiny. I could not tell him of my sufferings. I could not tell him that my sufferings were no way less than his. His sufferings were visible. My sufferings were invisible. His sufferings were known to me. My sufferings were confounded within me.
He questioned me about truth behind my sleeping with Prem before marriage. I accepted. He referred Prem as my boyfriend. Even at that crucial moment I got irked at his reference. I vehemently objected as "EX-BOYFRIEND!!! NOT BOYFRIEND!!!” He continued stressing accepting me Prem as my boyfriend. Finally I surrendered from argument. I could only tell him, "Things are not necessarily what they look like."
That day I had to confuse him. I had to divert his attention from truth. His hiding of truth on ‘incidents of Saturday’ had pained me. It did not occur in my mind that, I had hid many things from him. I was selfishly thinking of facts he had hid from me. My behaviour was more bizarre than his. The mere thought of he can hid something from me was causing me pain. The fact that he did not believe me was acute concern for me. His hiding of facts had no connection of my shifting to Prem. I took it as an opportunity to camouflage his mind. I projected it indirectly as the reason of my shifting. I wanted his mind to be pre-occupied in that direction.
Inquisitively Jaya asked, “You did not clarify the boyfriend and Ex-boyfriend paradox. Your irritation was clear on mention of boyfriend. Can you elaborate?”
“I always considered boyfriend is the person with whom you share a romantic relationship. To whom you can trust and depend. To whom you can confer your distress and seek comfort. A boyfriend is a person who will never cheat on you, who will always be ready to help you for your goodness. Merely sexual relationship cannot elevate somebody to a level of boyfriend. I was not sharing any romantic relationship with Prem. I hardly spoke to him with my mind. I rather did not believe him. My association with him was merged with unswerving interests. I was being blackmailed by him. He could not be my boyfriend. “
I took a long pause.
Jaya nonchalantly expressed, “Manu was tormented with your boyfriend concept. Anyway, continue from your shifting.”
That night I went to Prem’s bedroom for the first time to sleep in his bed. For quite some time in past I was sleeping with him. But this was different. For the first time I walked in front of my husband to occupy Prem’s bed as his sexual partner. I could not look at my husband. My every step was taking to my destruction. I was dying internally from ........”.
Jaya intervened, “I can understand your mental turmoil. Keep it aside and concentrate on events. I am more interested on the events rather than your psychological explanation.”
I shivered at her rudeness. She had nothing to do with my pain and mental agony. Painfully I acknowledged, “Sorry Jaya for exasperation. Henceforth, I will concentrate more on the events. “
After a pause I continued. That night I slept like a log. I surrendered to my previous two sleepless nights. Next day, Sunday, Prem took me to mall to purchase new dresses for morning workout session; t-shirt to reveal midriff. Next, he wanted me to fix a permanent tattoo. I rejected his proposal vehemently. Finally, he settled for a temporary one. We returned home in the evening. The first thing Prem enforced on me to fix tattoo in my midriff with his initials A.A in commiseration to his possession of my body.
***
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