26-11-2020, 08:08 AM
My Experience with Love
I don’t know how much you know about the life in the hinterlands in northern states in India, in the later 70s and early 80s. Life has changed so much since; however, I kind of miss those days. The reason behind this is because as a child you seem to cherish such memories of the old. It is important to talk about some of my background; otherwise it will not be a journal.
For children, their parents always are often backward, regressive and meddling. But I never felt in this way about my parents: they were a couple of the coolest, most progressive, and open-minded people on earth that I still know of! My parents married immediately after my father joined his government job. Ma was really an underage according to the current legal status of marriage, when she married him (before the late ‘70s, the minimum legal marriageable age for women in India was 14!). Her parents were not so well off, and they knew that they would never be able to arrange for the required dowry for her marriage. Therefore, when they received a marriage proposal for their daughter, they immediately agreed. She had just turned marriageable by law, and they did not waste any time in getting her married to my Dad. He was about twenty-three when he had just found a job of a clerk in a government department and he would have been a prized catch for any groom-hunting parents.
But because Ma was very beautiful, and because my maternal grandparents were well respected people of the community, despite being poor, they were able to fix the marriage. So, my Dad and Ma got married and within a year, when she was barely fifteen, I came to this world. They were a very young couple, and extremely young parents. But one good thing happened - because of my Dad’s job, both were forced to live separately from their extended families. This proved to be a boon in so many ways. Unlike many other married couples of their time, my parents were best friends and had vivacious love-life. Away from the meddling, interruptions, and scrutiny of their respective families, they were able to develop their own way of living. Overall, we were a happy family.
Money was hard to come by as Dad was the only one earning and his salaries were not big; however, we were not really in big need of it. Both of my paternal and maternal grandfathers pooled in some money and purchased one two-bedroom house that was then still under construction. It came in very cheap because it was a bit further away from the town centre, and also because much of the house still needed plastering, and painting jobs. If you will see that house today, it will look like a luxurious villa. But back then, it was a different story. Anyway, Dad in due course of time expanded that house to a four-bedroom house. It was a comfortable home, and we were very happy there.
Healthy and organic at present are buzzwords, but my parents inculcated healthy habits since the time I was born. Both my parents believed in simple, natural living, so we never used processed food at home. We had a connection with our native village, so, we used to get steady supplies of food-grains direct from the village farm. Ma on the other hand was fan of home remedies, home cooking and all things natural. Food was always home cooked, and I never felt the need to try things such as Maggi. There was only one good public college in the town, so anyone who was even slightly well-off, used to send their children to that college only. All I want to say is that not only the children in the college, but also their parents were friends with each other.
North Indian hinterlands back then were characterized by their close affinity to rural roots, and just a touch of modern amenities. The people in my town were big on festivals: excitement around all kind of festivals was palpable. The nearby temple would start playing bhajans records on loudspeakers as early as 4am. Dad used to get up at around this time for his morning runs; Ma did not run, but she too used to have long morning walks. It was extremely rare for married women, especially those with kids, to wear shalwar-kurta. But Ma used to wear them regularly, especially for her morning walks. I used to be happily asleep till around 7am, even till I was a teen. My daily routine was simple – get up, eat, go to college, return, eat, play, study, eat, and sleep. My Dad was a big advocate of sports that would invigorate all body parts – so his favourite activities were running, football and kabaddi. Life was simple, isn’t it?
Being a big fan of natural brought a few interesting things. When I was younger, my parents were not fussy about getting me dressed after bath, so I used to be naked a lot of the time during my childhood. It was a kind of norm for me, and my parents never objected to it. I would run around the house naked, the roof and even in the backyard, where even outside people could see me. After around the age of ten, my ‘naked time’ started to reduce and eventually ended in my early teens. Similarly, my parents had liberal attitude towards breastfeeding. Like a lot of children in my time, I too was breastfed. There is a lot of hullabaloo these days about breastfeeding in public. There was no such taboo then. When I reached the age when most children are weaned from their mothers’ breasts, Ma felt no harm in letting me continue. Dad never said anything about it. So, it was okay for me to simply ask Ma to nurse me and she would open her blouse. It was normal to me. I remember accompanying her to temples for the evening prayers and aarti. There too, she allowed me to feed. Other women used to give her knowing smiles. This (public feeding) continued till about when I was about eight. Ma was in her early twenties. That was then some women told her to stop me feeding, because that might hinder her getting pregnant again (I don’t know whether there is any truth to this claim). They also showed their surprise that she still produced milk even after so many years of giving birth to me.
That day, when we returned home, she told me that we can not do this in public anymore. But she was happy to continue giving her love to me in private. I did not know then why my parents never had another child. It was only later that I came to know that they deliberately decided not to have any more after me. The feeding however continued till I was about ten. Around then, Ma kind of stopped producing much milk. It was often just a couple of spoon-full each time. But I continued. For me, it was always comforting to rest my head against her and to suck her sweet, warm milk. I still remember the rainy days when I would stay naked inside all day long and ask mother to nurse me.
I don’t know how much you know about the life in the hinterlands in northern states in India, in the later 70s and early 80s. Life has changed so much since; however, I kind of miss those days. The reason behind this is because as a child you seem to cherish such memories of the old. It is important to talk about some of my background; otherwise it will not be a journal.
For children, their parents always are often backward, regressive and meddling. But I never felt in this way about my parents: they were a couple of the coolest, most progressive, and open-minded people on earth that I still know of! My parents married immediately after my father joined his government job. Ma was really an underage according to the current legal status of marriage, when she married him (before the late ‘70s, the minimum legal marriageable age for women in India was 14!). Her parents were not so well off, and they knew that they would never be able to arrange for the required dowry for her marriage. Therefore, when they received a marriage proposal for their daughter, they immediately agreed. She had just turned marriageable by law, and they did not waste any time in getting her married to my Dad. He was about twenty-three when he had just found a job of a clerk in a government department and he would have been a prized catch for any groom-hunting parents.
But because Ma was very beautiful, and because my maternal grandparents were well respected people of the community, despite being poor, they were able to fix the marriage. So, my Dad and Ma got married and within a year, when she was barely fifteen, I came to this world. They were a very young couple, and extremely young parents. But one good thing happened - because of my Dad’s job, both were forced to live separately from their extended families. This proved to be a boon in so many ways. Unlike many other married couples of their time, my parents were best friends and had vivacious love-life. Away from the meddling, interruptions, and scrutiny of their respective families, they were able to develop their own way of living. Overall, we were a happy family.
Money was hard to come by as Dad was the only one earning and his salaries were not big; however, we were not really in big need of it. Both of my paternal and maternal grandfathers pooled in some money and purchased one two-bedroom house that was then still under construction. It came in very cheap because it was a bit further away from the town centre, and also because much of the house still needed plastering, and painting jobs. If you will see that house today, it will look like a luxurious villa. But back then, it was a different story. Anyway, Dad in due course of time expanded that house to a four-bedroom house. It was a comfortable home, and we were very happy there.
Healthy and organic at present are buzzwords, but my parents inculcated healthy habits since the time I was born. Both my parents believed in simple, natural living, so we never used processed food at home. We had a connection with our native village, so, we used to get steady supplies of food-grains direct from the village farm. Ma on the other hand was fan of home remedies, home cooking and all things natural. Food was always home cooked, and I never felt the need to try things such as Maggi. There was only one good public college in the town, so anyone who was even slightly well-off, used to send their children to that college only. All I want to say is that not only the children in the college, but also their parents were friends with each other.
North Indian hinterlands back then were characterized by their close affinity to rural roots, and just a touch of modern amenities. The people in my town were big on festivals: excitement around all kind of festivals was palpable. The nearby temple would start playing bhajans records on loudspeakers as early as 4am. Dad used to get up at around this time for his morning runs; Ma did not run, but she too used to have long morning walks. It was extremely rare for married women, especially those with kids, to wear shalwar-kurta. But Ma used to wear them regularly, especially for her morning walks. I used to be happily asleep till around 7am, even till I was a teen. My daily routine was simple – get up, eat, go to college, return, eat, play, study, eat, and sleep. My Dad was a big advocate of sports that would invigorate all body parts – so his favourite activities were running, football and kabaddi. Life was simple, isn’t it?
Being a big fan of natural brought a few interesting things. When I was younger, my parents were not fussy about getting me dressed after bath, so I used to be naked a lot of the time during my childhood. It was a kind of norm for me, and my parents never objected to it. I would run around the house naked, the roof and even in the backyard, where even outside people could see me. After around the age of ten, my ‘naked time’ started to reduce and eventually ended in my early teens. Similarly, my parents had liberal attitude towards breastfeeding. Like a lot of children in my time, I too was breastfed. There is a lot of hullabaloo these days about breastfeeding in public. There was no such taboo then. When I reached the age when most children are weaned from their mothers’ breasts, Ma felt no harm in letting me continue. Dad never said anything about it. So, it was okay for me to simply ask Ma to nurse me and she would open her blouse. It was normal to me. I remember accompanying her to temples for the evening prayers and aarti. There too, she allowed me to feed. Other women used to give her knowing smiles. This (public feeding) continued till about when I was about eight. Ma was in her early twenties. That was then some women told her to stop me feeding, because that might hinder her getting pregnant again (I don’t know whether there is any truth to this claim). They also showed their surprise that she still produced milk even after so many years of giving birth to me.
That day, when we returned home, she told me that we can not do this in public anymore. But she was happy to continue giving her love to me in private. I did not know then why my parents never had another child. It was only later that I came to know that they deliberately decided not to have any more after me. The feeding however continued till I was about ten. Around then, Ma kind of stopped producing much milk. It was often just a couple of spoon-full each time. But I continued. For me, it was always comforting to rest my head against her and to suck her sweet, warm milk. I still remember the rainy days when I would stay naked inside all day long and ask mother to nurse me.
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