20-11-2020, 09:34 AM
(This post was last modified: 20-11-2020, 10:14 AM by manasi. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
32.3
Kavita
Next day morning, I got up at the sound of alarm. I discovered me under a light blanket. Slowly I remembered everything of last night. I was in shower. Then I had dried myself and taken the sleeping pill after setting the alarm. I had put on the nighty definitely but could not remember of covering me with blanket. I concentrated on my memory. Yes, I did not cover me with blanket. There was no possibility as it was stored in cupboard. Horrified, I looked at the door. It was half open. Was it possible someone entered my room after I slept? Could be that Jaya? Incidences of last night flashed in my mind. My clothes were strewed on the floor. Mere possibilities of Jaya observed my pathetic condition put a cold wave in my spine.
I quickly came out of the room. My clothes were neatly folded and stacked on the sofa cementing my distress. Who could be, Jaya or Manu? I examined the sari fold. It looked, Manu had invaded my privacy. I sensed relief and satisfaction. He still loved me. I smiled to myself, I had not lost everything. Still there was chance for my hallucination to be real. I felt contented.
Next moment other probability filled my mind. In the event, Jaya had invaded my privacy? She had seen my clothes strewed all over the floor right in drawing room! What she had thought? She must have thought that I had indulged into masturbation after eavesdropping them. What a shame! I should have been careful, especially after getting reprimanded last night. I got carried away imagining Manu’s fantasy in hallucination disgracing me more.
I sincerely prayed for Manu to be the person to invade my privacy. He only knew where the blanket was stored. It must be Manu. So, Manu had come in the night after Jaya slept. I felt happy with my reasoning.
Time was running out. Quickly, I got ready changing into a sari and served her coffee in bed, with happy note. Again, I observed sari, petticoat, blouse and bra scattered on the floor as a testimony of her torrid night. Manu was on his side away from me, sleeping peacefully. Again, Jaya was in compromising position. Again, I drank my coffee sitting at a corner of bed. Jaya, this time did not display her assets though it was clearly evident that she was naked under bed sheet. I averted my look from her. I was afraid, she would discover my plight.
She joined me in kitchen after half an hour wearing another nighty. This nighty was lavender and black in colour, and it was lacy. The nighty ended about 1/4 the way down her thighs from where they started. It was also translucent. Even though her skin colour was matched to some extent with the lavender colour of the nighty, I could clearly make out her dark nipples. Both nipples protruded over thin fabric making sharp cone reminding of twin hills side by side. Presence of her Round brown areole did not require any imagination. It was the same nighty I wore on that fateful night. Prem coerced me into drinking. Manu was forced to lick my well ploughed pussy.
Jaya twinkled, “Kavita, I will change my earlier opinion.”
I looked at her questioningly.
She clarified, “Yesterday I was wrong about selection of outfits. This nighty I found last night. Your husband said that it was his choice for you. I must appreciate him. What a sheer beautiful design of enhancing hidden treasures of a woman, beatifying her assets! You are covered yet uncovered! Your man can access your every part without removing it. And the colour! Marvellous! It accentuates body colour in such a way that dark shades become prominent. Look at me and imagine how sexy you were looking in this outfit. Perm must have disturbed you whole night that day! What do you say Kavita?”
Instantaneously, I turned red. She aptly reminded me of my wine party and drunken immoral state of affairs on that night. I forced my attention away from hers. There was no way to escape from her humiliating revenge. Why was she doing it to me? What pleasure was she getting out of my humiliation?
She paused checking my reactions. I forcefully concentrated on the preparation of breakfast. She stealthily approached nearer and whispered, “I may not be of any help in preparation of breakfast. You are only responsible.”
I grew suspicious. Had she observed my scattered clothes on the drawing room floor? She could be speaking about last night and subsequently finding me in my room. Definitely, she would not miss the opportunity to humiliate me. I looked at her in nervousness, “What have I done?”
“She giggled, “You should have kept this naughty nighty hiding. After your husband slept, I wore it and hugged him in bed. Early morning, he discovered me in this. I think it reminded him of you. He was madly passionate. I had never experienced his vigour. He took me from behind. The longest onslaught I had ever received. His non-stop thrusting placed me in gasping. Oh! My God! My whole body is paining. I am unable to walk properly.”
My eyes filled in tears. I did not want to be discovered by Jaya. Let my pain remained within me. I deserved this treatment. She was happy, he was happy. My unhappiness should not touch them. I turned my head from her to hide my emotion. Did she understand my vulnerability?
I heard her voice, “I better take hot water bath. I will later join you over breakfast, OK.”
She limped back to her room. I traced her path with my eyes dumbfounded. A few drops rolled over my cheek to fall on the floor.
I got back to my senses after a while. I wiped my eyes silently, ‘The lucky bitch!’
I could not find any opportunity to meet Manu alone. Gowri was to return the next day early morning. I could not afford to allow Gowri witness my condition. My immediate concern was to save Manu’s dignity in presence of Gowri. She had a great respect for him. Seeing him and Jaya sharing same bed, Gowri may not comment anything, but she would break. It would be a great setback to her belief. Presently, I was concerned of his image to Gowri. The same Kavita did not care to degrade him in her eyes not long back. The situations had changed. The previous Kavita has died. The previous Manu also has died. I wiped my eyes. The new Manu did not recognise new Kavita. He hated her so much that he did not speak to her, not even looked at her face. I could imagine my long, isolated, lonely life of future. I had lost everything in life in my foolish acts. My parents were no more with me. After initial sympathy period, my friends would desert me on obvious reasons. Gowri also would leave sooner or later after marriage. Society was full of sharks like Prem. They would feed on my flesh! Silently, I wiped my eyes.
Desperately, I opened the topic to Jaya when she was on breakfast table. Fortunately, she had changed her dress. She was dressed in a sari in most sober condition. No more ugly display of flesh. From her present attire it was difficult to imagine her sultriness one hour back. I explained my concern to her. I begged her for a solution. She gave me a patient hearing before opening up.
She expressed doubt on my proposal, “I beg your pardon. As your husband confirmed, I thought you and Gowri are already married to Prem. Your husband believes that you are already pregnant with Prem’s child. Though his religion accepts four wives, I was disbelieving your marriage with Prem without getting proper divorce. However live-in relationship you can always maintain as well as pregnancy. Anyway, Gowri already knows about your relationship with Prem. I am not convinced how my sleeping with your husband makes any impact on her knowledge? I don’t think your image will tarnish further with this piece of information.”
I explained fervently, “I am not worried about my image. I am a bad woman. Gowri respects him as elder brother. I don’t want his image to tarnish in front of Gowri.”
Apathetically Jaya said, “I see. In near future we may decide to settle in Bangalore. What will happen then? Or you want to deprive him of his property?”
I pleaded intently controlling my emotions, “I know, I am a bad woman, worse than a whore. But not that bad as you are thinking. Please Jaya, don’t think that way. You love him and “ I paused and lowered my face to utter next, “he loves you. Please come back and settle here. Once you settle here after marriage, Gowri will not have any ill feelings. She is a very good girl. She will cordially accept you as her Bhabhi. Tell me when you plan to settle. I will vacate the house before that. “
“That’s fine. So, what do you plan in that event? I understand, Prem is not settled yet for marriage. Do you plan to move to your parents till the time Prem gets settled and marries you?“ She stopped to inspect my reactions and continued, “ I find Prem not staying here presently. I thought Prem and Gowri are in honeymoon trip and was looking forward to meet them. Has he temporarily gone back to Hyderabad? Are you planning to continue live-in relationship without marriage and bear his children?”
I concluded; she is not aware of my latest conditions. Her knowledge is limited up to Manu. So, Manu also was unaware of my sexual violation on that fateful day he departed.
I pleaded again, “Please Jaya, can you drop discussion on my personal matters. My only request is you shift in our bedroom for night time till you stay here.” I tried hard to control my emotions. I managed to speak in broken voice, “Don’t worry, I will not claim your love. You have given him a fresh life. He is happy with you. Believe me, you have no threat from my side. “ My emotions betrayed my reserve. A few drops rolled out of my eyes to drop on the table. I hurriedly wiped my eyes with my pallu.
Jaya waited for my composure. Slowly and calmly she said, “I am sorry Kavita. I imagined you as a much opened-minded woman devoid of any kind of Indian social inhibition and stigma. I considered you as a progressive woman with modern values. Specially, after knowing about your open live-in relationship with Prem and sense of dressing, I presumed you as an ultra-modern housewife believing in western culture. I never imagined my sleeping with your husband can cause so much pain in you. I am sorry for not being able to recognise your embarrassment. You should have expressed your objection on Sunday itself. Anyway, I can’t reverse the past. You will not face any awkward situations in presence of Gowri. I am giving you my word.”
I was not fully convinced in her promise but felt some kind of assurance.
***
Later in office, I immersed into our morning discussions. Manu had told Jaya that I was married to Prem and also carrying his baby. Dr. Preethi was correct in her diagnosis. I failed to read his frustrations. Sorry, I ignored his frustrations. He somehow tolerated my sleeping with Prem. I should have corrected myself sensing his reactions on my tattoo. Just thinking of my imaginary pregnancy by Prem, he left me. In actual situation, he could have either killed me or himself. I had been saved by whiskers. I acted too corrupted to correct myself. I woke up only after losing everything. I have been punished for my misdeeds. I decided to meet Manu at any cost and request for his mercy. It was certain, I have lost him. He was going to marry Jaya in near future. He deserved a better life. I agreed on all of them. Still there was an urge inside me. 'He is not aware of the incidents after his departures. Does he know that I was sex drugged and raaped? Most probably he does not. Jaya is also not aware of it. Same will be with Manu also. Why am I interested in him knowing? Is it for gaining his sympathy?' I was not sure.
Present Manu would never reconnect with me, I was certain. 'Jaya is a better woman compared to me and more considerate. She will keep him happy.' Again I remembered of last night. Manu had invaded my privacy in dead night to cover me with blanket. He still loved me. Otherwise, he would not have been concerned about me to reach my room at night. Was it possible that he was feeling embarrassed to initiate dialogue with me? In that case, I should take the leap. I must take initiative to easy out our relationship.
I felt an immense desire to share my pain, my agony with him. In deep corner of my heart, I felt, he would understand my pain. 'I must meet him at least once, must seek his forgiveness. Everything was not true what he has experienced. He may not believe; I did not suffer less than him. He was being tormented without his knowledge; I was being tormented with my knowledge. He must know the truth. He must know the truth which I have kept hidden from the world. The truth I could not disclose to anybody. Let him decide only after knowing the truth.'
I made a plan to meet him in privacy. ‘Best time will be during evening tea time. I can easily take tea to his room and ask Jaya to excuse us. Even if she declines, still I can speak to him. He is my husband. I know, he will listen to me. He will definitely forgive me.’
With lot of hope and trepidation, I started early from office. When I reached home in the late afternoon, nobody was inside. I searched the entire house. Their luggage was missing except one handbag. Jaya had left it by mistake. She had skilfully erased all traces of their visit. There was a small note on the table along with her visiting card.
“Be courageous to accept the truth, because you can’t change the truth. We are destined to meet again. You will find main door key in letterbox.”
"Jaya"
'What truth she is mentioning? It could be about her relationship with Manu. Shortly, they are getting married. They may continue living together without marriage. Manu may decide to relocate here with Jaya without marriage. He will be sharing bed with his girlfriend, his guest, our guest under the same roof with me. Legally I will remain his wife in paper. For all practical purpose, Jaya will be his wife. Jaya will claim my husband physically and emotionally. What should I do? Where should I go?'I remembered, Manu asked me the similar questions on that fateful day when I shifted to Prem’s bedroom. He was clueless. He was weeping in humiliation and despair. He was behaving like a child.
Manu had come to humiliate me, to denounce me. He had come to declare his prized possession; to showcase his elegant, beautiful, educated girlfriend. He had come to make me understand my position. His purpose was over. If only he could give me an opportunity expressing my feelings, I could get solace. I was pathetic. Realising the truth also, I could not hate him. I loved him.
That day, late evening Gowri returned earlier than scheduled. I did not tell her anything about Manu’s visit. Weekend arrived. Saturday, after lunch we went for shopping errands. Payment on my debit card of joint A/c was rejected. Gowri made payment to save me from embarrassment. On the way to return, I checked mini statement in ATM. It showed meagre balance. Entire amount was withdrawn on previous day!
I sensed great mischief. I grew suspicion. Returning home, I checked thoroughly all the documents. I was ruined. Bank pass book along with house deed was missing. I searched again, again and again in all possible & impossible locations. There was no trace. Could it be Manu? Not likely! Then it must be Jaya. She had duped Manu taking advantage of his goodness. But Manu was not a child. Without his active support, Jaya could not execute. So, they had planned jointly. That was the reason for him to avoid me. He was worried for being caught under my eyes. I checked for documents again. His personal credentials were all missing. Involvement of Manu was cemented.
I was in panicky and Gowri also. Finally, when nothing could be traced, Gowri broke down. I had my next shock.
She professed her irresponsibility. She wanted to surrender to security officer. She had knowledge of Jaya’s visit. In fact, Jaya had, in person, contacted her a fortnight ago and requested for her help. “I accepted her proposal, as she had portrayed herself as Doctor and mediator between you and Manuda. She expressed her desire to spend two days with you on psychological analysis and possible treatment. She convinced me stating that discussion with you absolutely necessary prior to Manuda meeting you. She stressed on step by step cautious approach as Manuda had suffered some psychological trauma. She desired to plan with you extensively on possible methods of recoveries of Manuda. I did not suspect anything. I was overjoyed on the prospect of your union with Manuda. She made a fervent request not to inform you in advance. It could have negative effect on you as you were also suffering from psychological turmoil. I relented. I never thought that she was a fraud. I am only accountable for all these. I should have consulted you.”
So, they did their homework very well. Manu also had visited a fortnight ago with Jaya and meticulously planned everything to revenge me. Contrary to my assumption, they had all information about my sexual invasion by Prem. Possibility of Gowri informing her about our consultancy with Dr. Preethi was not ruled out. To be confirmed, I asked Gowri for details. I was right. Gowri confessed, “Jaya knows everything. She knows about your sexual torture by Prem and subsequently his arrest. Even she knows about our consultancy with Dr. Preethi. I only had told her everything. Sorry Didi! I believed her. I believed a cheater. I trusted her that she was working for reunion of both of you. She deceived me. I did not understand that time that she was collecting information to misuse against you; she was planning revenge against you.”
There was no more ambiguity. It was a well-planned move to revenge me. They had planned to see my destruction. What pained me more was how Manu could do it? He was aware of my physical condition under which I was forced to submit to Prem. He knew that I was being administered sexual drugs. He was well aware of my emotional blackmailing. He knew about the gruesome incident of my sexual torture by Prem. I could have died! Knowing everything, he planned for my destruction! The ‘Manu‘ I had known for years had died! And the bitch Jaya! She had acted as if she did not know the truth.
I also had my irresponsibility on my part. In my utter callousness I also did behave like a moron. I was deceived by Manu. Now, it was clear beyond doubt. They planned jointly for purposeful fraud. Everything was planned. Manu had taken revenge. Main conspirator was Manu and Jaya was his abettor. I consoled Gowri. I conferred everything with Gowri, everything I faced in their short visit. Gowri could not believe. First, she could not believe Manu also had stayed in the house with Jaya. She thought that, Jaya was coming alone. She had projected her planning in same way. She could not believe her Manuda could reduce himself to so low grade! She was shattered in the revelations of blatant fraud by Manu. I completely forgot my misdeeds of months. Two days of fraudulent and inhuman offences of Manu overshadowed my months of tortures and inhuman behaviour. I was loathing him. I was cursing him for his cowardice revengeful attitudes.
In the late afternoon we both were busy discussing about future moves. I got convinced that Manu would be capturing the entire house shortly and may be tempted for selling out. What could be other reason for him to pilfer the original house deeds? The possible eviction was frightening me. I had no place to go. There was no possibility for me to go back to my parents. He had withdrawn all money from bank reducing me penniless. If the house is gone, I would be on the road. Gowri contacted one of her lawyer friends and consulted. I was assured that the house could not be sold without my consent. It did not reduce my anxiety. My wretched mind continued veering around gruesome possibilities, in the event of forceful eviction.
The daylight slowly faded away announcing the arrival of evening. We two abandoned women sat opposite kept looking at each other. We had no energy to switch on the light. There was no trace of light in my life. Gowri was better placed. I was deeply shaken at the turn of events. What stored next in my life? The question was tormenting me constantly. The calling bell announced the arrival of a guest. Gowri opened the door.
Manu was standing, this time alone. I got up in utter disbelief.
He wished us both good evening before entering into hall. In my agitated mind also, I observed calmness in his body language. In firm steps Manu faced me.
The very recent betrayal was present in my memory in its full glory. The very presence of Manu was synonym with fraud. He was a cheater; he was a liar. I forgot all my past wrong doings. His fraudulent actions covered up all my debaucheries.
Even before he could open his mouth, I attacked him severely, “What for are you here? Expected to see me dead?” The bitterness in my tone was not hidden.
Manu was caught in sudden whirl pond. He meekly tried to defence, “No, no, I came here for confession. For months I could not tell my predicament.”
I laughed on his face, “Confession and you. Do you think I am a fool? Open up and reveal your true identity. You came here with that whore to humiliate me, denounce me, and rob me of my living. Now you came here for eviction. Do you think, nobody will understand your motive?”
Manu folded his hand. “I am sorry for your humiliation. Believe me. Jaya convinced me…..”
Name of Jaya added fuel in my agitated mind. Their bedroom prodigy flashed in my brain. I became ferocious. I screeched, “Don’t take the name of that whore. I am not interested in what that whore said or did. I am more concerned on what you did to me.”
Manu tried to persuade me again, “I beg your pardon. I am earnestly sorry for your inconvenience.”
I howled, “You should. “
Manu started in a quivering voice, “Please allow me to confess. I may not get another chance to clarify my predicament ultimately leading to my submission. I feared on everything. Probably I was not a man.”
I Snickered in loathness, “Earlier also, you were not a man. Now also you are not a man. You don’t know what a man is? Every man will be ashamed on your behaviour. How could you do this to me Manu? You never thought about me? You burglarised the house deed.”
Manu pleaded with closed hands, “No, no, I did not do burglary. Believe me.”
There was no reason to believe him. I threatened him, “Don’t lie, you fraud! Did you not take away the house deed? Do not deny. I have proof. I will take you to security officer. I will complain against you for theft.”
Manu was defensive, “I do accept, I have taken it with me. But my intention was not bad. Believe me. Actually, I had taken it for…”
I shouted back stopping him in the middle. “Shut up! It’s enough. I don’t need any explanation. Your intentions are very clear. You could have asked me. Happily, I would have given you everything. I loved you Manu. I had suffered years for you. I made all sacrifices of my life only for you. In return you desired me to perish. You planned for my destruction. You wanted revenge. You wanted to marry that whore. You did everything premeditated to malign me.”
Manu screamed in pain, “No Kavi no.”
I roared, “Just shut up. Don’t take my name in your filthy mouth. Didn’t you withdraw entire money from our joint A/c?”
“I did withdraw but………”
I interfered, “Don’t act goodness. Just say, YES or NO. Did you withdraw money or not?”
Calmly Manu answered, “Yes.”
I shouted, “You are a shameless swindler. You cheated me since marriage.”
In bewilderment he repeated, “I cheated you since marriage?”
I shouted, “Didn’t you. You were well aware of your performance issues. You hid it purposefully. You cheated me. You are a silly imposter.”
Manu repeated again as if not able to believe his ears, “I am imposter? I purposefully hid facts to cheat you?”
I thundered scornfully, “Any doubt?”
Manu looked at my face as if to find out reality. Very slowly and calmly he answered, “If you get peace out of it, then let it be so.”
His calmness fuelled my anger further. I lamented sarcastically, “Did you think I will die? My foot! Kavita knows how to live without your gratification. This house belongs to me and I won’t share you anything. Go to court to claim your right. Now clear off. I hate you. Get out of my house.”
I heard Manu’s desperate quivering, “you hate me?”
Blood blotted out of his face. I didn’t care. Anger took over my senses. “Yes, I hate you, hate you, I hate you. Any doubt? Now please get lost. Get out of my sight! Go!” My raised voice choked may be in anger, may be in exhaustion. Unable to stand anymore I sat on the sofa. Was there any tear drops in my eyes? I was not certain. His face was not clearly visible.
Manu was looking straight. Did he cry? I don’t know. His face was fading away slowly from my vision.
In quivering voice, he said, “No, you cannot hate me. You are telling lie.”
I raised my voice, “Live in fool’s paradise! I told you, I hate you. Why are you disturbing me? Go away. Please, allow me to live.”
With firmness in voice, very slowly he asked. “What do you want from me?”
My reply was prompt and blatant, “Freedom! I want freedom from you. I want divorce.”.
He lowered his face down. He kept quiet for some time and shook his head. It appeared, he wanted to say something. He struggled a lot to control his emotion. Then, he lifted his face to look at me straight. Slowly he lifted his focus at the ceiling then brought back on me. Clearly, he tried to pacify me. I heard his calm voice, “I deserved it. Please don’t punish yourself. Never feel bad about yourself. “
He paused.
I think he struggled internally for the next. He kneeled before me. The faded corridor light mystically found its way to lighten his face. Finally, he spoke in broken voice, his eyes riveted on my feet, “I never denied you anything. You will get what you want. No relationship should be forced upon. I deserve your loathing. Please do me a favour. I beg you. Spit on me and say I hate you. Please. I swear, never ever disturbing you again.” He was begging.
I got perplexed not knowing what to do. He was begging persistently. “Please spit and say I hate you. Please, do this favour. Please, please, please spit and say I hate you.”
And I did. I surrendered to my anguish. I surrendered to my smallness. My false pride overtook my senses. I surrendered to his pleading. I spat on his face and uttered, “I hate you…I hate you…I hate you…”Immediately, I realised my mistakes. In utter exhaustion, I had crossed all limits. I covered my face. Pin drop silence prevailed.
Did the world stop? I think so. Did I expect him to spat back on me? I did not know. Nothing happened for next few moments. In trepidation, I slowly removed my hands uncovering my face. Under the semi-darkness, I could realise silhouette of his body shuddered violently and then got stiffened.
I heard him saying, “Thank you!”
In horror, I kept looking at him open-mouthed. Then in a quick movement, he lifted him up, turned and walked out of the apartment. He did not look back. He walked out of my life.
I was weeping. Yes, I know for certain, I was weeping covering my face under my palm. Gowri was consoling me. Time passed. After a long time, Gowri got up to close the main door and switched on the light. And next moment she shouted in excitement, “Didi, Check the table. There is something on it.” She rushed to grab on it.
A big folder was waiting on the table for our surprise and shock. Manu had left it and we did not notice it in darkness.
He did not cheat on me. He did not snaffle the house deed for fraudulent purpose. Original house deed was there along with a ‘WILL’. Entire house was in my name! He has also given me freedom. We could locate the mutual divorce documents. Still there was something left for my demolition. Locating the bank pass books was not difficult. I checked the details of my new bank account. He had deposited the entire amount in my single account after withdrawing from joint account. Manu was not a cheater. He did no wrong doing. I held him wrong. My demolition was completed.
Before hitting bed that night, I took all the sleeping pills I had in my stock leaving a note behind accepting all responsibility on self.
End of Chapter 32
Kavita
Next day morning, I got up at the sound of alarm. I discovered me under a light blanket. Slowly I remembered everything of last night. I was in shower. Then I had dried myself and taken the sleeping pill after setting the alarm. I had put on the nighty definitely but could not remember of covering me with blanket. I concentrated on my memory. Yes, I did not cover me with blanket. There was no possibility as it was stored in cupboard. Horrified, I looked at the door. It was half open. Was it possible someone entered my room after I slept? Could be that Jaya? Incidences of last night flashed in my mind. My clothes were strewed on the floor. Mere possibilities of Jaya observed my pathetic condition put a cold wave in my spine.
I quickly came out of the room. My clothes were neatly folded and stacked on the sofa cementing my distress. Who could be, Jaya or Manu? I examined the sari fold. It looked, Manu had invaded my privacy. I sensed relief and satisfaction. He still loved me. I smiled to myself, I had not lost everything. Still there was chance for my hallucination to be real. I felt contented.
Next moment other probability filled my mind. In the event, Jaya had invaded my privacy? She had seen my clothes strewed all over the floor right in drawing room! What she had thought? She must have thought that I had indulged into masturbation after eavesdropping them. What a shame! I should have been careful, especially after getting reprimanded last night. I got carried away imagining Manu’s fantasy in hallucination disgracing me more.
I sincerely prayed for Manu to be the person to invade my privacy. He only knew where the blanket was stored. It must be Manu. So, Manu had come in the night after Jaya slept. I felt happy with my reasoning.
Time was running out. Quickly, I got ready changing into a sari and served her coffee in bed, with happy note. Again, I observed sari, petticoat, blouse and bra scattered on the floor as a testimony of her torrid night. Manu was on his side away from me, sleeping peacefully. Again, Jaya was in compromising position. Again, I drank my coffee sitting at a corner of bed. Jaya, this time did not display her assets though it was clearly evident that she was naked under bed sheet. I averted my look from her. I was afraid, she would discover my plight.
She joined me in kitchen after half an hour wearing another nighty. This nighty was lavender and black in colour, and it was lacy. The nighty ended about 1/4 the way down her thighs from where they started. It was also translucent. Even though her skin colour was matched to some extent with the lavender colour of the nighty, I could clearly make out her dark nipples. Both nipples protruded over thin fabric making sharp cone reminding of twin hills side by side. Presence of her Round brown areole did not require any imagination. It was the same nighty I wore on that fateful night. Prem coerced me into drinking. Manu was forced to lick my well ploughed pussy.
Jaya twinkled, “Kavita, I will change my earlier opinion.”
I looked at her questioningly.
She clarified, “Yesterday I was wrong about selection of outfits. This nighty I found last night. Your husband said that it was his choice for you. I must appreciate him. What a sheer beautiful design of enhancing hidden treasures of a woman, beatifying her assets! You are covered yet uncovered! Your man can access your every part without removing it. And the colour! Marvellous! It accentuates body colour in such a way that dark shades become prominent. Look at me and imagine how sexy you were looking in this outfit. Perm must have disturbed you whole night that day! What do you say Kavita?”
Instantaneously, I turned red. She aptly reminded me of my wine party and drunken immoral state of affairs on that night. I forced my attention away from hers. There was no way to escape from her humiliating revenge. Why was she doing it to me? What pleasure was she getting out of my humiliation?
She paused checking my reactions. I forcefully concentrated on the preparation of breakfast. She stealthily approached nearer and whispered, “I may not be of any help in preparation of breakfast. You are only responsible.”
I grew suspicious. Had she observed my scattered clothes on the drawing room floor? She could be speaking about last night and subsequently finding me in my room. Definitely, she would not miss the opportunity to humiliate me. I looked at her in nervousness, “What have I done?”
“She giggled, “You should have kept this naughty nighty hiding. After your husband slept, I wore it and hugged him in bed. Early morning, he discovered me in this. I think it reminded him of you. He was madly passionate. I had never experienced his vigour. He took me from behind. The longest onslaught I had ever received. His non-stop thrusting placed me in gasping. Oh! My God! My whole body is paining. I am unable to walk properly.”
My eyes filled in tears. I did not want to be discovered by Jaya. Let my pain remained within me. I deserved this treatment. She was happy, he was happy. My unhappiness should not touch them. I turned my head from her to hide my emotion. Did she understand my vulnerability?
I heard her voice, “I better take hot water bath. I will later join you over breakfast, OK.”
She limped back to her room. I traced her path with my eyes dumbfounded. A few drops rolled over my cheek to fall on the floor.
I got back to my senses after a while. I wiped my eyes silently, ‘The lucky bitch!’
I could not find any opportunity to meet Manu alone. Gowri was to return the next day early morning. I could not afford to allow Gowri witness my condition. My immediate concern was to save Manu’s dignity in presence of Gowri. She had a great respect for him. Seeing him and Jaya sharing same bed, Gowri may not comment anything, but she would break. It would be a great setback to her belief. Presently, I was concerned of his image to Gowri. The same Kavita did not care to degrade him in her eyes not long back. The situations had changed. The previous Kavita has died. The previous Manu also has died. I wiped my eyes. The new Manu did not recognise new Kavita. He hated her so much that he did not speak to her, not even looked at her face. I could imagine my long, isolated, lonely life of future. I had lost everything in life in my foolish acts. My parents were no more with me. After initial sympathy period, my friends would desert me on obvious reasons. Gowri also would leave sooner or later after marriage. Society was full of sharks like Prem. They would feed on my flesh! Silently, I wiped my eyes.
Desperately, I opened the topic to Jaya when she was on breakfast table. Fortunately, she had changed her dress. She was dressed in a sari in most sober condition. No more ugly display of flesh. From her present attire it was difficult to imagine her sultriness one hour back. I explained my concern to her. I begged her for a solution. She gave me a patient hearing before opening up.
She expressed doubt on my proposal, “I beg your pardon. As your husband confirmed, I thought you and Gowri are already married to Prem. Your husband believes that you are already pregnant with Prem’s child. Though his religion accepts four wives, I was disbelieving your marriage with Prem without getting proper divorce. However live-in relationship you can always maintain as well as pregnancy. Anyway, Gowri already knows about your relationship with Prem. I am not convinced how my sleeping with your husband makes any impact on her knowledge? I don’t think your image will tarnish further with this piece of information.”
I explained fervently, “I am not worried about my image. I am a bad woman. Gowri respects him as elder brother. I don’t want his image to tarnish in front of Gowri.”
Apathetically Jaya said, “I see. In near future we may decide to settle in Bangalore. What will happen then? Or you want to deprive him of his property?”
I pleaded intently controlling my emotions, “I know, I am a bad woman, worse than a whore. But not that bad as you are thinking. Please Jaya, don’t think that way. You love him and “ I paused and lowered my face to utter next, “he loves you. Please come back and settle here. Once you settle here after marriage, Gowri will not have any ill feelings. She is a very good girl. She will cordially accept you as her Bhabhi. Tell me when you plan to settle. I will vacate the house before that. “
“That’s fine. So, what do you plan in that event? I understand, Prem is not settled yet for marriage. Do you plan to move to your parents till the time Prem gets settled and marries you?“ She stopped to inspect my reactions and continued, “ I find Prem not staying here presently. I thought Prem and Gowri are in honeymoon trip and was looking forward to meet them. Has he temporarily gone back to Hyderabad? Are you planning to continue live-in relationship without marriage and bear his children?”
I concluded; she is not aware of my latest conditions. Her knowledge is limited up to Manu. So, Manu also was unaware of my sexual violation on that fateful day he departed.
I pleaded again, “Please Jaya, can you drop discussion on my personal matters. My only request is you shift in our bedroom for night time till you stay here.” I tried hard to control my emotions. I managed to speak in broken voice, “Don’t worry, I will not claim your love. You have given him a fresh life. He is happy with you. Believe me, you have no threat from my side. “ My emotions betrayed my reserve. A few drops rolled out of my eyes to drop on the table. I hurriedly wiped my eyes with my pallu.
Jaya waited for my composure. Slowly and calmly she said, “I am sorry Kavita. I imagined you as a much opened-minded woman devoid of any kind of Indian social inhibition and stigma. I considered you as a progressive woman with modern values. Specially, after knowing about your open live-in relationship with Prem and sense of dressing, I presumed you as an ultra-modern housewife believing in western culture. I never imagined my sleeping with your husband can cause so much pain in you. I am sorry for not being able to recognise your embarrassment. You should have expressed your objection on Sunday itself. Anyway, I can’t reverse the past. You will not face any awkward situations in presence of Gowri. I am giving you my word.”
I was not fully convinced in her promise but felt some kind of assurance.
***
Later in office, I immersed into our morning discussions. Manu had told Jaya that I was married to Prem and also carrying his baby. Dr. Preethi was correct in her diagnosis. I failed to read his frustrations. Sorry, I ignored his frustrations. He somehow tolerated my sleeping with Prem. I should have corrected myself sensing his reactions on my tattoo. Just thinking of my imaginary pregnancy by Prem, he left me. In actual situation, he could have either killed me or himself. I had been saved by whiskers. I acted too corrupted to correct myself. I woke up only after losing everything. I have been punished for my misdeeds. I decided to meet Manu at any cost and request for his mercy. It was certain, I have lost him. He was going to marry Jaya in near future. He deserved a better life. I agreed on all of them. Still there was an urge inside me. 'He is not aware of the incidents after his departures. Does he know that I was sex drugged and raaped? Most probably he does not. Jaya is also not aware of it. Same will be with Manu also. Why am I interested in him knowing? Is it for gaining his sympathy?' I was not sure.
Present Manu would never reconnect with me, I was certain. 'Jaya is a better woman compared to me and more considerate. She will keep him happy.' Again I remembered of last night. Manu had invaded my privacy in dead night to cover me with blanket. He still loved me. Otherwise, he would not have been concerned about me to reach my room at night. Was it possible that he was feeling embarrassed to initiate dialogue with me? In that case, I should take the leap. I must take initiative to easy out our relationship.
I felt an immense desire to share my pain, my agony with him. In deep corner of my heart, I felt, he would understand my pain. 'I must meet him at least once, must seek his forgiveness. Everything was not true what he has experienced. He may not believe; I did not suffer less than him. He was being tormented without his knowledge; I was being tormented with my knowledge. He must know the truth. He must know the truth which I have kept hidden from the world. The truth I could not disclose to anybody. Let him decide only after knowing the truth.'
I made a plan to meet him in privacy. ‘Best time will be during evening tea time. I can easily take tea to his room and ask Jaya to excuse us. Even if she declines, still I can speak to him. He is my husband. I know, he will listen to me. He will definitely forgive me.’
With lot of hope and trepidation, I started early from office. When I reached home in the late afternoon, nobody was inside. I searched the entire house. Their luggage was missing except one handbag. Jaya had left it by mistake. She had skilfully erased all traces of their visit. There was a small note on the table along with her visiting card.
“Be courageous to accept the truth, because you can’t change the truth. We are destined to meet again. You will find main door key in letterbox.”
"Jaya"
'What truth she is mentioning? It could be about her relationship with Manu. Shortly, they are getting married. They may continue living together without marriage. Manu may decide to relocate here with Jaya without marriage. He will be sharing bed with his girlfriend, his guest, our guest under the same roof with me. Legally I will remain his wife in paper. For all practical purpose, Jaya will be his wife. Jaya will claim my husband physically and emotionally. What should I do? Where should I go?'I remembered, Manu asked me the similar questions on that fateful day when I shifted to Prem’s bedroom. He was clueless. He was weeping in humiliation and despair. He was behaving like a child.
Manu had come to humiliate me, to denounce me. He had come to declare his prized possession; to showcase his elegant, beautiful, educated girlfriend. He had come to make me understand my position. His purpose was over. If only he could give me an opportunity expressing my feelings, I could get solace. I was pathetic. Realising the truth also, I could not hate him. I loved him.
That day, late evening Gowri returned earlier than scheduled. I did not tell her anything about Manu’s visit. Weekend arrived. Saturday, after lunch we went for shopping errands. Payment on my debit card of joint A/c was rejected. Gowri made payment to save me from embarrassment. On the way to return, I checked mini statement in ATM. It showed meagre balance. Entire amount was withdrawn on previous day!
I sensed great mischief. I grew suspicion. Returning home, I checked thoroughly all the documents. I was ruined. Bank pass book along with house deed was missing. I searched again, again and again in all possible & impossible locations. There was no trace. Could it be Manu? Not likely! Then it must be Jaya. She had duped Manu taking advantage of his goodness. But Manu was not a child. Without his active support, Jaya could not execute. So, they had planned jointly. That was the reason for him to avoid me. He was worried for being caught under my eyes. I checked for documents again. His personal credentials were all missing. Involvement of Manu was cemented.
I was in panicky and Gowri also. Finally, when nothing could be traced, Gowri broke down. I had my next shock.
She professed her irresponsibility. She wanted to surrender to security officer. She had knowledge of Jaya’s visit. In fact, Jaya had, in person, contacted her a fortnight ago and requested for her help. “I accepted her proposal, as she had portrayed herself as Doctor and mediator between you and Manuda. She expressed her desire to spend two days with you on psychological analysis and possible treatment. She convinced me stating that discussion with you absolutely necessary prior to Manuda meeting you. She stressed on step by step cautious approach as Manuda had suffered some psychological trauma. She desired to plan with you extensively on possible methods of recoveries of Manuda. I did not suspect anything. I was overjoyed on the prospect of your union with Manuda. She made a fervent request not to inform you in advance. It could have negative effect on you as you were also suffering from psychological turmoil. I relented. I never thought that she was a fraud. I am only accountable for all these. I should have consulted you.”
So, they did their homework very well. Manu also had visited a fortnight ago with Jaya and meticulously planned everything to revenge me. Contrary to my assumption, they had all information about my sexual invasion by Prem. Possibility of Gowri informing her about our consultancy with Dr. Preethi was not ruled out. To be confirmed, I asked Gowri for details. I was right. Gowri confessed, “Jaya knows everything. She knows about your sexual torture by Prem and subsequently his arrest. Even she knows about our consultancy with Dr. Preethi. I only had told her everything. Sorry Didi! I believed her. I believed a cheater. I trusted her that she was working for reunion of both of you. She deceived me. I did not understand that time that she was collecting information to misuse against you; she was planning revenge against you.”
There was no more ambiguity. It was a well-planned move to revenge me. They had planned to see my destruction. What pained me more was how Manu could do it? He was aware of my physical condition under which I was forced to submit to Prem. He knew that I was being administered sexual drugs. He was well aware of my emotional blackmailing. He knew about the gruesome incident of my sexual torture by Prem. I could have died! Knowing everything, he planned for my destruction! The ‘Manu‘ I had known for years had died! And the bitch Jaya! She had acted as if she did not know the truth.
I also had my irresponsibility on my part. In my utter callousness I also did behave like a moron. I was deceived by Manu. Now, it was clear beyond doubt. They planned jointly for purposeful fraud. Everything was planned. Manu had taken revenge. Main conspirator was Manu and Jaya was his abettor. I consoled Gowri. I conferred everything with Gowri, everything I faced in their short visit. Gowri could not believe. First, she could not believe Manu also had stayed in the house with Jaya. She thought that, Jaya was coming alone. She had projected her planning in same way. She could not believe her Manuda could reduce himself to so low grade! She was shattered in the revelations of blatant fraud by Manu. I completely forgot my misdeeds of months. Two days of fraudulent and inhuman offences of Manu overshadowed my months of tortures and inhuman behaviour. I was loathing him. I was cursing him for his cowardice revengeful attitudes.
In the late afternoon we both were busy discussing about future moves. I got convinced that Manu would be capturing the entire house shortly and may be tempted for selling out. What could be other reason for him to pilfer the original house deeds? The possible eviction was frightening me. I had no place to go. There was no possibility for me to go back to my parents. He had withdrawn all money from bank reducing me penniless. If the house is gone, I would be on the road. Gowri contacted one of her lawyer friends and consulted. I was assured that the house could not be sold without my consent. It did not reduce my anxiety. My wretched mind continued veering around gruesome possibilities, in the event of forceful eviction.
The daylight slowly faded away announcing the arrival of evening. We two abandoned women sat opposite kept looking at each other. We had no energy to switch on the light. There was no trace of light in my life. Gowri was better placed. I was deeply shaken at the turn of events. What stored next in my life? The question was tormenting me constantly. The calling bell announced the arrival of a guest. Gowri opened the door.
Manu was standing, this time alone. I got up in utter disbelief.
He wished us both good evening before entering into hall. In my agitated mind also, I observed calmness in his body language. In firm steps Manu faced me.
The very recent betrayal was present in my memory in its full glory. The very presence of Manu was synonym with fraud. He was a cheater; he was a liar. I forgot all my past wrong doings. His fraudulent actions covered up all my debaucheries.
Even before he could open his mouth, I attacked him severely, “What for are you here? Expected to see me dead?” The bitterness in my tone was not hidden.
Manu was caught in sudden whirl pond. He meekly tried to defence, “No, no, I came here for confession. For months I could not tell my predicament.”
I laughed on his face, “Confession and you. Do you think I am a fool? Open up and reveal your true identity. You came here with that whore to humiliate me, denounce me, and rob me of my living. Now you came here for eviction. Do you think, nobody will understand your motive?”
Manu folded his hand. “I am sorry for your humiliation. Believe me. Jaya convinced me…..”
Name of Jaya added fuel in my agitated mind. Their bedroom prodigy flashed in my brain. I became ferocious. I screeched, “Don’t take the name of that whore. I am not interested in what that whore said or did. I am more concerned on what you did to me.”
Manu tried to persuade me again, “I beg your pardon. I am earnestly sorry for your inconvenience.”
I howled, “You should. “
Manu started in a quivering voice, “Please allow me to confess. I may not get another chance to clarify my predicament ultimately leading to my submission. I feared on everything. Probably I was not a man.”
I Snickered in loathness, “Earlier also, you were not a man. Now also you are not a man. You don’t know what a man is? Every man will be ashamed on your behaviour. How could you do this to me Manu? You never thought about me? You burglarised the house deed.”
Manu pleaded with closed hands, “No, no, I did not do burglary. Believe me.”
There was no reason to believe him. I threatened him, “Don’t lie, you fraud! Did you not take away the house deed? Do not deny. I have proof. I will take you to security officer. I will complain against you for theft.”
Manu was defensive, “I do accept, I have taken it with me. But my intention was not bad. Believe me. Actually, I had taken it for…”
I shouted back stopping him in the middle. “Shut up! It’s enough. I don’t need any explanation. Your intentions are very clear. You could have asked me. Happily, I would have given you everything. I loved you Manu. I had suffered years for you. I made all sacrifices of my life only for you. In return you desired me to perish. You planned for my destruction. You wanted revenge. You wanted to marry that whore. You did everything premeditated to malign me.”
Manu screamed in pain, “No Kavi no.”
I roared, “Just shut up. Don’t take my name in your filthy mouth. Didn’t you withdraw entire money from our joint A/c?”
“I did withdraw but………”
I interfered, “Don’t act goodness. Just say, YES or NO. Did you withdraw money or not?”
Calmly Manu answered, “Yes.”
I shouted, “You are a shameless swindler. You cheated me since marriage.”
In bewilderment he repeated, “I cheated you since marriage?”
I shouted, “Didn’t you. You were well aware of your performance issues. You hid it purposefully. You cheated me. You are a silly imposter.”
Manu repeated again as if not able to believe his ears, “I am imposter? I purposefully hid facts to cheat you?”
I thundered scornfully, “Any doubt?”
Manu looked at my face as if to find out reality. Very slowly and calmly he answered, “If you get peace out of it, then let it be so.”
His calmness fuelled my anger further. I lamented sarcastically, “Did you think I will die? My foot! Kavita knows how to live without your gratification. This house belongs to me and I won’t share you anything. Go to court to claim your right. Now clear off. I hate you. Get out of my house.”
I heard Manu’s desperate quivering, “you hate me?”
Blood blotted out of his face. I didn’t care. Anger took over my senses. “Yes, I hate you, hate you, I hate you. Any doubt? Now please get lost. Get out of my sight! Go!” My raised voice choked may be in anger, may be in exhaustion. Unable to stand anymore I sat on the sofa. Was there any tear drops in my eyes? I was not certain. His face was not clearly visible.
Manu was looking straight. Did he cry? I don’t know. His face was fading away slowly from my vision.
In quivering voice, he said, “No, you cannot hate me. You are telling lie.”
I raised my voice, “Live in fool’s paradise! I told you, I hate you. Why are you disturbing me? Go away. Please, allow me to live.”
With firmness in voice, very slowly he asked. “What do you want from me?”
My reply was prompt and blatant, “Freedom! I want freedom from you. I want divorce.”.
He lowered his face down. He kept quiet for some time and shook his head. It appeared, he wanted to say something. He struggled a lot to control his emotion. Then, he lifted his face to look at me straight. Slowly he lifted his focus at the ceiling then brought back on me. Clearly, he tried to pacify me. I heard his calm voice, “I deserved it. Please don’t punish yourself. Never feel bad about yourself. “
He paused.
I think he struggled internally for the next. He kneeled before me. The faded corridor light mystically found its way to lighten his face. Finally, he spoke in broken voice, his eyes riveted on my feet, “I never denied you anything. You will get what you want. No relationship should be forced upon. I deserve your loathing. Please do me a favour. I beg you. Spit on me and say I hate you. Please. I swear, never ever disturbing you again.” He was begging.
I got perplexed not knowing what to do. He was begging persistently. “Please spit and say I hate you. Please, do this favour. Please, please, please spit and say I hate you.”
And I did. I surrendered to my anguish. I surrendered to my smallness. My false pride overtook my senses. I surrendered to his pleading. I spat on his face and uttered, “I hate you…I hate you…I hate you…”Immediately, I realised my mistakes. In utter exhaustion, I had crossed all limits. I covered my face. Pin drop silence prevailed.
Did the world stop? I think so. Did I expect him to spat back on me? I did not know. Nothing happened for next few moments. In trepidation, I slowly removed my hands uncovering my face. Under the semi-darkness, I could realise silhouette of his body shuddered violently and then got stiffened.
I heard him saying, “Thank you!”
In horror, I kept looking at him open-mouthed. Then in a quick movement, he lifted him up, turned and walked out of the apartment. He did not look back. He walked out of my life.
I was weeping. Yes, I know for certain, I was weeping covering my face under my palm. Gowri was consoling me. Time passed. After a long time, Gowri got up to close the main door and switched on the light. And next moment she shouted in excitement, “Didi, Check the table. There is something on it.” She rushed to grab on it.
A big folder was waiting on the table for our surprise and shock. Manu had left it and we did not notice it in darkness.
He did not cheat on me. He did not snaffle the house deed for fraudulent purpose. Original house deed was there along with a ‘WILL’. Entire house was in my name! He has also given me freedom. We could locate the mutual divorce documents. Still there was something left for my demolition. Locating the bank pass books was not difficult. I checked the details of my new bank account. He had deposited the entire amount in my single account after withdrawing from joint account. Manu was not a cheater. He did no wrong doing. I held him wrong. My demolition was completed.
Before hitting bed that night, I took all the sleeping pills I had in my stock leaving a note behind accepting all responsibility on self.
End of Chapter 32
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