11-11-2020, 08:38 PM
31.1
Manu
I was standing outside the closed door. Prem reappeared at right moment to take Kavita inside the house and lock the door behind. What was I supposed to do? Listen to her ecstasies moaning of carnal pleasure standing near the window? Did she expect me continuing the same what were a regular phenomenon during my temporary disability owing to casting of left hand? Every day Prem dropped me at distant to get gajra for her. Every day I stood outside the closed door listening to their sexual pleasure. Every day she allowed me entry to my house with a beaming smile, a testimony of her satisfaction. Every day she proved my inadequateness. Every day she enjoyed my utter humiliation.
I could have, had I not met Guruji the day before. Last night I almost fell prey to her renewed acting. Possibly, she already had knowledge of my resignation. She was ready to encash on my fragile vulnerability. She had planned meticulously only to be surprised by my late arrival. She falsely declared of Prem’s vacation to boost my confidence, to remove air of suspicion created by her unwanted display of belly ring pendant. Once she was caught falsifying, she planned for morning show. She planned for showing my place. She had told me earlier that, “I can't control my boyfriend, as you know, he's much more possessive over me.” She had made a live demonstration. The incidents followed as per script. She was possessed by her boyfriend. It had to happen. It was a testimony for my determination.
I reached Hardwar. I met Dr. Jaya in the hospital. She had information about my visit. Immediately I was admitted. For next three days I was subjected to medical tests. Third day evening Dr. Jaya informed me that they have initiated hormone imbalance rectification treatment. It would take around four months to get normalised provided I strictly follow medication and diet. She expressed her doubt on me being doped with hormonal drugs. Immediately, I knew the source. Food could not be source. It could only be possible through beverages, either coffee or tea. It indicated direct involvement of Kavita. I was not ready to believe Kavita could poison me. I loved her so much. It was unbelievable, she would drug me negatively for boosting her extramarital sex. That was also when I had accepted her carnal relationship. She knew very well that I was not a hurdle for her erotic pleasure. Then what could be her motive to drug me? Possibly, property could be one reason. Again, she was already jointly holding properties including bank A/c. Was she contemplating my death?
This did not look convincing. Why should she take risk when applying divorce could be better? She could always get alimony. Moreover, if my destruction was her intention, why should she safeguard me from bully of Prem? She always advised me to be proactive in all interactions with Prem. She successfully de-registered my brain from joining any physical fitness camp. She was afraid of my involvement into a one-sided fight leading to more physical damage. I was cautioned with the story of Rachna & Vipul. A terror was planted in my mind with the grave picture of Vipul and the very cause of his sufferings. It was clear that she acted as shield between Prem’s bully and I.
She had proper knowledge of Prem and his bullying character. She had slept with him before marriage. She herself had accepted that. Purposefully she invited him as houseguest. Prem bullying me without her knowledge and encouragement was not at all convincing. During our travel to hospital on that fateful day when Prem fractured my left hand, Prem indicated his intention of vacating our house. Kavita did not agree. She had other concerns with him. She could not afford to lose her boyfriend. Prem stopped bullying me once Kavita shifted to his bedroom. It clearly indicated his intention of owning Kavita completely. Since her shifting to his bed, only once Prem had bullied me, when I encroached in his personal space. He bullied me under threat of contacting me to his bitch. I was at fault. I did not pay attention to his threats of being careful about contacting his bitch. That day Kavita rescued me from his torrential brutal physical attack by bribing her body. She should have been happy seeing me in distress. She should have rejoiced over my torture. On the contrary she joined me at night advising me to be proactive. She did not deny of carnal pleasure she received from her boyfriend on that evening. What could be her reasons to shield me from Prem? What made her share my bed on that night? She could have left me alone with my agony. It was not the first time she had witnessed my physical torment by her boyfriend. Most probably she was afraid of me committing nuisance. She was against my perish. She wanted me to live, not as her husband but as her slave.
The theory of my conversion into a sissy cuckold, always ready into slavery appeared to be more convincing. Again, it was not flawless. Initial few days of Prems arrival, I was forced into household activities. I was forced into sissy dressing. Immediate aftermath to my left-hand fracture, I was spared from household activities and sissy dressing. I only volunteered to prepare coffee in the morning. She looked after all my requirements except my physical needs. Whenever she was out on weekends, she ensured I did not starve on foods. She had always packed my foods in refrigerator with clear instructions left attached. And she did it without the knowledge of third parties. Why this hide and seek game? After her shifting to Prem, except on weekends, when Gowri made her visits to our house, neither did she insist on my sissy dressing nor asked me into household activities. Yes, on weekends of Gowri’s visit, she took extra care to prove my cuckoldry. She successfully projected me as her sissy cuckold slave. I was made to serve bed-coffee to their room. I was forced to clean the room and doing laundry. Things normalised immediate aftermath of Gowri’s departure only to be repeated next weekends with arrival of Gowri. If she was interested in my slavery, she should have continued same throughout the weekdays. Was there any relation between Gowri’s visit and my sissy cuckold slavery? Was she getting some sort of sadistic pleasure by way of my humiliation in front of Gowri? Was she psychopath? How Gowri was connected with my renewed humiliation?
Another interesting observation surfaced into my brain. She was dressing into all sorts body hugging and revealing dresses till her shifting to her boyfriend. She stopped displaying her curves and assets once Prem successfully claimed ownership of her body completely. She reassorted to exposing her bare skins & flaunting her curves during weekends of Gowri’s 2nd visit onwards limiting herself for the weekends only. She reverted to normalcy along with Gowri’s departure. Was she behaving to satisfy Gowri? Or Gowri instructed her accordingly? Her behaviour clearly indicated her sexual slavery to Prem. Was she slave to Gowri also sexually? Gowri was a young woman and naturally Prem was more interested in Gowri’s assets compared to Kavita’s. Was Kavita suffering from insecurity? Possibly true. I had seen her earnest desires pleasuring Prem in all possible ways. Was she worried for sharing Prem with Gowri? Not likely! She was well aware of Prem fucking Gowri intermittently. She knew this even before her shifting to Prem’s bedroom. She was well aware of the fact that Prem had multiple sexual partners during her college days. She had knowledge of Rachna sleeping with Prem. She was well aware of the fact that Prem can legally keep four wives. With all updated knowledge, she had decided to continue her relationship with Prem. She was so obsessed with the carnal pleasure she was getting with eight inches circumcised meat; she ignored all drawbacks & risks involved in her relationship with Prem.
But again, there was a question mark. If carnal pleasure was only her motive, why did she refuse Arun. She had stopped all advances of Arun. She had all chances to quench her physical thirst while staying in USA. What made her show restraint? So definitely, there were something beyond sex. Only possibility could be love angle. Possibly, she was in real love with Prem since college days. Practicality debarred her from getting married at that time. Best way she could advance through divorce. She had never indicated her intention of seeking divorce. On the contrary, she always professed her love towards me. Even on the day she shifted to Prem, she reaffirmed her love. She asked on that day, "So do you think I hate you, Manu?"
I retorted, "I don't know if you hate me, Kavi. But I know you despise me. You have no respect for me. And I don't think you love me."
She asked, after a pause, "So you think I've been living with you all these years, without loving you?"
She was not ready to accept Prem as her boyfriend. Even moments before her shifting to Prem’s bedroom, she vehemently rejected Prem as her boyfriend. She could sleep with him regularly. She was mentally ready to share his bed in his bedroom permanently. Still she was not ready to accept him as her boyfriend! To her boyfriend and ex-boyfriend, a world of difference! She could accept Prem’s ownership on her body. She did not object public displaying of tattoos on her midriff with Prem’s initials as a mark of his ownership. She did not object to Prem’s attempts of displaying her curves in public in vulgar dresses. She did not object Prem groping and fondling her in public. But she objected Prem’s intention to project himself as her boyfriend. She did so with Arun. She claimed had done so with the Mughlai restaurant manager also. Why was she so sceptical with the word boyfriend?
Could it be that she was under forced obligations like me? Not likely. I had seen her jovial in her relationship with Prem. I had seen her embracing Prem before and after their lovemaking. I had seen her giving him her head ecstatically and cherishing swallowing his load. She was not a wimp like me to buckle under pressure. Extortion angle did not sound strong.
However, she allowed Prem to disgrace her in public. She allowed Prem to grope and fondle her in public view. Puja & Aslam had seen her being fondled in public. She was personified by them. She knew it. She allowed her to be disrobed by Prem in presence of Pervez, Ac repair crew member. Prem threatened me for my dissidence over sissy dressing to fuck her right in the middle of hall in presence of AC crew members. The way Kavita hurriedly dressed in seductive clothing and introduced herself with the crew members was a clear indication of her knowledge about Prem’s threat. If she was a willing member of being exposed in front of crew members, she would not have tried to cover herself by the presence of Pervez. It was a planned encounter on which Kavita had knowledge. The vigour with which Kavita was keeping track of AC crew appointment, approved my suspicion on her knowledge about Prem’s predetermined resolution to disgrace her in public. The question was why did she surrender? I had witnessed Prem fondling her breast in movie hall right beside me. A little imagination could reveal the type of treatment she had received during her visit to movie or Mughlai restaurant when she was alone with Prem only. Prem was treating her as his concubine, his bitch, a public whore. I knew it, she also knew it. She knew her modesty was at stake. Why did she allow Prem that much liberty? Could anybody disgrace his lover in public? Did Prem really love her? If not, did she not realise the same? If yes, how could he disgrace her in public?
It appeared, she was least bothered about her public disgrace and social status. Then why she had to camouflage her intention of getting married to Prem and attaining motherhood? Why did she camouflage my mind with false promise of returning after two weeks? She found it appropriate to sleep with her boyfriend under same roof. My presence was not deterrent for her carnal pleasure. What she was really gaining extra with her false promise? What she wanted to convey by shedding crocodile tears? Was it some form of psychological treatment? What was her motive behind her contradictory behaviours?
I clearly remembered our telephonic talks aftermath her shifting to Prem. She was wearing tattoo for the second time with A.A inscribed. On my query She giggled audibly as she spoke, "Oh you saw my new tattoo? Isn't it cute?"
"Very cute, Kavi. Especially the letters in the middle of the heart."
She asked, trying to sound innocent, "What letters?"
"Don't pretend to me, Kavi. The letters A.A were in the middle of the heart and you know it, and I know you know it."
There was a long silence from her end, as I heard her exhale deeply.
"If that's what you think it says, Manu, then that's what it says."
"Forget tattoos, Kavi. Look at your ACTIONS. Why are you lying to me about loving me? I know it's not true."
She again drew a deep breath and said, "Manu, remember our discussion on Saturday?"
I stayed silent.
She took my silence for assent and continued, "Manu, I need my question answered. This current discussion isn't getting us anywhere. I know I love you, and I tell you I love you. But I cannot MAKE you believe it, not at this point."
Only day before yesterday, Guruji cautioned me, “Never judge any character from their external behaviour. We never know the exact forces under which an object is subjected to.”
She did not accept that the letters A.A were initials of Amir Ali in the same way as she never accepted Prem as his boyfriend. She also claimed her love to me while she had already shifted to Prem. What could be the exact reasons for Kavita to behave in contradictory manners? I could not think further. I left it for future.
Jaya informed; I was lucky to be detected in time. I did not ask for the details. I had to narrate my story again. Accepting my defeat was not that humiliating this time. It was repetition of what I already confessed to Guruji. Still it was not that easy. Jaya was a young woman, could be the reason in the beginning. Soon she proved that she was more a doctor than a woman. I started confession but she finished it. In the middle of our discussion, I realized that I was merely answering her questions. She progressed from end to beginning.
Very next day, I was shifted to a dislocated location, a location far away from localities in deep forest, hidden at a remote corner of Himalayas. A few kilometers walking from main road through forest helped me reach the campus. Except basic amenities, nothing was available. Even to access the basic amenities, one had to struggle.
My training started. It started with oath taking.
Guruji explained, “Our mind is really powerful, yet we can control it using mind control techniques. It is possible to just implant a certain thought in our mind, and feel the emotions related with that thought and train your mind to respond in a manner that we desire. Every thinking processes an individual aims at achieving happiness and pursues his or her own paths towards this goal are construed. As individuals, our concepts of what constitutes happiness differ. Often, there is a clear uneasiness in our lives that we are aware of but unable to pinpoint. This is because of our unachieved dreams and wishes and consequent dis-satisfaction.”
He further explained, “Our subconscious mind is aware of the sources of our unhappiness but our conscious mind is often unable to comprehend the same. To harness our full potential, it is essential that our conscious and subconscious minds work in tandem. The subconscious mind is the abode of our attitudes, emotions and outlook on life. By harnessing the power of the subconscious mind, we can focus on things that are important to us. Irrational fears hold us back from achieving our potential. Often, negative emotions like fear, jealousy, greed, anger, loss of hope, loss of faith in humankind and self-hold us back from being happy. By harnessing the power of the subconscious, we can control our mind and make it free from negative emotions.”
Next, he cautioned, “Unfortunately, every good thing is associated with some bad things as well. You can never separate light from darkness. Like every tool can be used for wrong purpose, Mind Control also can be misused. Mind control is a very powerful weapon and depending on its use, can either be constructive or destructive. It means different things to different people. When applied for good cause, it brings peace & tranquility. It can also be used on third party as coercive persuasion, brainwashing, thought reform, manipulation, and seduction, among others.”
Guruji concluded, “So, please take oath not to use the Mind Control techniques for the cause of destruction, whatever may be the reasons. Even if situation demands self-destruction, Mind Control should never be misused. Mind Control should never be applied for sole purpose of harming others, unless much superior cause demands its use.”
I took the oath, touching feet. I promised to apply Mind Control techniques only for good cause and never to cause harm to anybody.
For first three months, it restricted to Meditation, Yoga, Pranayama and Martial Arts. Yes, the training included practicing Judo and karate. Day started well before sunrise and day ended after one hour of dinner. I had to do all my jobs alone. I could self asses the changes within myself. On each passing day, I was feeling more energetic. Physical fitness level was improving to new heights. The feeling that ‘I can do’ was encouraging me to achieve next target. Every passing day, I was gaining control on my wandering mind. I was gaining confidence. Kavita, Prem, Gowri and my parents occasionally visited me when I was alone in bed just before sleep. Past memories were tormenting me in my sleep. Slowly I could gain some control over them. I could not wipe out the memories completely, but the frequency and anguish reduced. Finally, a stage had come when the visit to memory lane was no longer induced. It was my decision to allow the memory or not.
On every fortnight, Jaya met me to take stock of my improvement and collecting blood samples. The occasion she utilised teaching me human psychology. I learnt from her, “Normally, every activity of human under normal circumstances are directed by motive. It is very easy to extrapolate behaviour of any human once the motive is known. The motive can be of good or bad nature. However, there are exceptions to this rule also. The sudden change of moods due to external or internal stimuli can force a human act against motive. The person becomes more unpredictable, when he or she is more prone to moods. Anger is one such mood where human behaves abnormally most. Fear, Greed, Lust, Jealousy, Hatred etc other moods of similar nature.”
After end of the three and half months Guruji met me in a new campus.
He requested me if I could correct a computer system which was not working for a week. I was happy to extend my help. I had studied computer science. Within short time I could detect the minor snag and correct the system.
He thanked and took me round the campus
We reached a small workshop. One man was working on lathe. “Jay, can you please stop the machine.” Then he addressed to me. “Manu, can you please operate the machine.”
I didn’t know how to operate the lathe. I had operated similar machine long back during my engineering as part of curriculum only for few days. I lacked confidence. This was a power machine tool and any mistake could cause accidents. I expressed my concerns.
Guruji appeared read my mind. He searched for the operation manual, “This is the manual. You go through the manual and learn. How much time will you take to operate the machine?”
I expressed my genuine concerns, “I don’t think will be able to learn by reading the manual. I need some demonstration and supervision to operate. I will be able to operate only after some training.”
Guruji smiled, “OK, I agree with you. Do you play any musical instruments?”
I used to play flutes in my college days. I had fascinations on it. Happily, I acknowledged.
We left the workshop to proceed further. After crossing a few buildings, we entered one building. I could find a lot of musical instruments. I could recognize a few. There were a few flutes. I momentarily lost in past when I used to play flute. How happy I was during those days! My mind filled in all nostalgic memories.
“Manu, please play the flute.” I got distracted. Guruji had picked up a flute from the lot.
After some initial inhibitions I could perform. I could display some respectful performance after some initial failures. After I finished, he took the flute from me and started playing. He started with desh raga, effortlessly moved in bageshree raga and finally concluded in bihag raga. It was mesmerizing. As if flute got the life. I lost all track of time when he continued performance in bihag raga. I only remembered a feeling of heaviness in my heart. The melody continued to reverberate in brain for some time even after the performance ended.
“How did you enjoy the flute?” Guruji asked for my opinion.
“You are splendid. “
“You also played very well.”
“Please don’t pamper me. There is no comparison.”
“Do you know the reason for difference?”
“You have god gifted quality and you practiced very well.” I reasoned.
Guruji beamed radiantly. We moved to next room appeared to be classroom. He requested for fruit juices for us and we comfortably seated.
“Here you are Manu. You are correct. You are master in your field. You solved the computer problem so easily which was a nightmare for us. On the other hand, you see, Joy was able to perform with lathe so proficiently. He is only 4th pass but you are a master degree holder engineer. Practice and experience make the difference. Everybody can’t be master in each and every field. Not knowing something is neither crime nor inefficiency.
Guruji requested me to fetch the same flute.
I brought the flute. A middle-aged woman served fruit juices.
Guruji requested her to play the flute. She was far better than me but nowhere near Guruji. After she departed with the flute, Guruji sought my opinion, “We all three played the same flute. I have outperformed you both. Even she is also far better than you. One year back when she joined here, she did not even see a flute. She had seen the students play flutes in classes and started playing. Over time she has improved a lot by putting sincere efforts. Can you draw any co-relation in our performances?”
I vaguely tried to find suitable answer. I had no clue.
Guruji came to my rescue, “Same flute vibrates differently with different users. Even without the gift of God, with practice and experience we can improve qualities. Very few in this world are gifted with superior qualities. These inherited or God gifted qualities do not blossom of its own. Proper environment is always required for nurturing the qualities to grow. A person with average gifted qualities very often over performs a superior gifted person by sheer grit and determination. The opposite is also true. Examples of gifted persons failing miserably due to lack of practice and determination are not scare. The most important factors are uncompromising willingness, relentless practices and fortitude of reaching goal. The shortcomings in gifted qualities are mostly compensated by the zeal of life. Even at worst case, with the defeat at every stage; you will always take pleasure in the excitement of marvelous journey towards reaching your goal.”
“With your willingness of learning, devotion and maneuvering experience you could command computer in the same way Joy could command the lathe or I could play the flute. Without God’s gift, you may not be able to play flute like me but you can definitely improve your performance with practice to a level at par with experts.”
“We inherent our physical structure mainly through hereditary. The environment has little role to play in development of your general physique. We need to be contented on whatever God has gifted to us. You should be proud of everything whatever belongs to you. As a matter of fact, you should not be burdened with the virility you possess. You should look for effective utilization and attaining perfection. Love making is a process requires patience, devotion, experience, practices, passion and physical stamina to attain perfection. Profound knowledge of human anatomy, especially functionaries of sexual organs and understanding the psychological inclination of partner are keys to success. We need to capitulate with this knowledge. Every woman’s body & mind is like this flute. You need positive mind frame and willingness to tune with her body & mind to achieve desired effect.”
“You will be trained practically to alleviate your confidence on love making. Your structured training on love making will start within a few days. Most of the training will be practical with lot of practices. Theoretical parts will be imparted as and when required. This will be in addition to your present training on Mind Control techniques. Over time, you will be able to appreciate the role of Mind Control techniques in harnessing proficiency in Love making process. The love making process commands involvement of body as well as mind. I do appreciate and understand your constraints in involving physically with other women. It should not be a big hurdle as you are already in enviable position of Mind Control. You should understand the difference between role play and the reality. Please treat the women involved as your teacher and their bodies are medium of instruction. Please remove any kind of inhibition, while touching their bodies. Always remember, these are part of your treatment. Based on your performances, you will be elevated to appropriate level of love making.”
***
Manu
I was standing outside the closed door. Prem reappeared at right moment to take Kavita inside the house and lock the door behind. What was I supposed to do? Listen to her ecstasies moaning of carnal pleasure standing near the window? Did she expect me continuing the same what were a regular phenomenon during my temporary disability owing to casting of left hand? Every day Prem dropped me at distant to get gajra for her. Every day I stood outside the closed door listening to their sexual pleasure. Every day she allowed me entry to my house with a beaming smile, a testimony of her satisfaction. Every day she proved my inadequateness. Every day she enjoyed my utter humiliation.
I could have, had I not met Guruji the day before. Last night I almost fell prey to her renewed acting. Possibly, she already had knowledge of my resignation. She was ready to encash on my fragile vulnerability. She had planned meticulously only to be surprised by my late arrival. She falsely declared of Prem’s vacation to boost my confidence, to remove air of suspicion created by her unwanted display of belly ring pendant. Once she was caught falsifying, she planned for morning show. She planned for showing my place. She had told me earlier that, “I can't control my boyfriend, as you know, he's much more possessive over me.” She had made a live demonstration. The incidents followed as per script. She was possessed by her boyfriend. It had to happen. It was a testimony for my determination.
I reached Hardwar. I met Dr. Jaya in the hospital. She had information about my visit. Immediately I was admitted. For next three days I was subjected to medical tests. Third day evening Dr. Jaya informed me that they have initiated hormone imbalance rectification treatment. It would take around four months to get normalised provided I strictly follow medication and diet. She expressed her doubt on me being doped with hormonal drugs. Immediately, I knew the source. Food could not be source. It could only be possible through beverages, either coffee or tea. It indicated direct involvement of Kavita. I was not ready to believe Kavita could poison me. I loved her so much. It was unbelievable, she would drug me negatively for boosting her extramarital sex. That was also when I had accepted her carnal relationship. She knew very well that I was not a hurdle for her erotic pleasure. Then what could be her motive to drug me? Possibly, property could be one reason. Again, she was already jointly holding properties including bank A/c. Was she contemplating my death?
This did not look convincing. Why should she take risk when applying divorce could be better? She could always get alimony. Moreover, if my destruction was her intention, why should she safeguard me from bully of Prem? She always advised me to be proactive in all interactions with Prem. She successfully de-registered my brain from joining any physical fitness camp. She was afraid of my involvement into a one-sided fight leading to more physical damage. I was cautioned with the story of Rachna & Vipul. A terror was planted in my mind with the grave picture of Vipul and the very cause of his sufferings. It was clear that she acted as shield between Prem’s bully and I.
She had proper knowledge of Prem and his bullying character. She had slept with him before marriage. She herself had accepted that. Purposefully she invited him as houseguest. Prem bullying me without her knowledge and encouragement was not at all convincing. During our travel to hospital on that fateful day when Prem fractured my left hand, Prem indicated his intention of vacating our house. Kavita did not agree. She had other concerns with him. She could not afford to lose her boyfriend. Prem stopped bullying me once Kavita shifted to his bedroom. It clearly indicated his intention of owning Kavita completely. Since her shifting to his bed, only once Prem had bullied me, when I encroached in his personal space. He bullied me under threat of contacting me to his bitch. I was at fault. I did not pay attention to his threats of being careful about contacting his bitch. That day Kavita rescued me from his torrential brutal physical attack by bribing her body. She should have been happy seeing me in distress. She should have rejoiced over my torture. On the contrary she joined me at night advising me to be proactive. She did not deny of carnal pleasure she received from her boyfriend on that evening. What could be her reasons to shield me from Prem? What made her share my bed on that night? She could have left me alone with my agony. It was not the first time she had witnessed my physical torment by her boyfriend. Most probably she was afraid of me committing nuisance. She was against my perish. She wanted me to live, not as her husband but as her slave.
The theory of my conversion into a sissy cuckold, always ready into slavery appeared to be more convincing. Again, it was not flawless. Initial few days of Prems arrival, I was forced into household activities. I was forced into sissy dressing. Immediate aftermath to my left-hand fracture, I was spared from household activities and sissy dressing. I only volunteered to prepare coffee in the morning. She looked after all my requirements except my physical needs. Whenever she was out on weekends, she ensured I did not starve on foods. She had always packed my foods in refrigerator with clear instructions left attached. And she did it without the knowledge of third parties. Why this hide and seek game? After her shifting to Prem, except on weekends, when Gowri made her visits to our house, neither did she insist on my sissy dressing nor asked me into household activities. Yes, on weekends of Gowri’s visit, she took extra care to prove my cuckoldry. She successfully projected me as her sissy cuckold slave. I was made to serve bed-coffee to their room. I was forced to clean the room and doing laundry. Things normalised immediate aftermath of Gowri’s departure only to be repeated next weekends with arrival of Gowri. If she was interested in my slavery, she should have continued same throughout the weekdays. Was there any relation between Gowri’s visit and my sissy cuckold slavery? Was she getting some sort of sadistic pleasure by way of my humiliation in front of Gowri? Was she psychopath? How Gowri was connected with my renewed humiliation?
Another interesting observation surfaced into my brain. She was dressing into all sorts body hugging and revealing dresses till her shifting to her boyfriend. She stopped displaying her curves and assets once Prem successfully claimed ownership of her body completely. She reassorted to exposing her bare skins & flaunting her curves during weekends of Gowri’s 2nd visit onwards limiting herself for the weekends only. She reverted to normalcy along with Gowri’s departure. Was she behaving to satisfy Gowri? Or Gowri instructed her accordingly? Her behaviour clearly indicated her sexual slavery to Prem. Was she slave to Gowri also sexually? Gowri was a young woman and naturally Prem was more interested in Gowri’s assets compared to Kavita’s. Was Kavita suffering from insecurity? Possibly true. I had seen her earnest desires pleasuring Prem in all possible ways. Was she worried for sharing Prem with Gowri? Not likely! She was well aware of Prem fucking Gowri intermittently. She knew this even before her shifting to Prem’s bedroom. She was well aware of the fact that Prem had multiple sexual partners during her college days. She had knowledge of Rachna sleeping with Prem. She was well aware of the fact that Prem can legally keep four wives. With all updated knowledge, she had decided to continue her relationship with Prem. She was so obsessed with the carnal pleasure she was getting with eight inches circumcised meat; she ignored all drawbacks & risks involved in her relationship with Prem.
But again, there was a question mark. If carnal pleasure was only her motive, why did she refuse Arun. She had stopped all advances of Arun. She had all chances to quench her physical thirst while staying in USA. What made her show restraint? So definitely, there were something beyond sex. Only possibility could be love angle. Possibly, she was in real love with Prem since college days. Practicality debarred her from getting married at that time. Best way she could advance through divorce. She had never indicated her intention of seeking divorce. On the contrary, she always professed her love towards me. Even on the day she shifted to Prem, she reaffirmed her love. She asked on that day, "So do you think I hate you, Manu?"
I retorted, "I don't know if you hate me, Kavi. But I know you despise me. You have no respect for me. And I don't think you love me."
She asked, after a pause, "So you think I've been living with you all these years, without loving you?"
She was not ready to accept Prem as her boyfriend. Even moments before her shifting to Prem’s bedroom, she vehemently rejected Prem as her boyfriend. She could sleep with him regularly. She was mentally ready to share his bed in his bedroom permanently. Still she was not ready to accept him as her boyfriend! To her boyfriend and ex-boyfriend, a world of difference! She could accept Prem’s ownership on her body. She did not object public displaying of tattoos on her midriff with Prem’s initials as a mark of his ownership. She did not object to Prem’s attempts of displaying her curves in public in vulgar dresses. She did not object Prem groping and fondling her in public. But she objected Prem’s intention to project himself as her boyfriend. She did so with Arun. She claimed had done so with the Mughlai restaurant manager also. Why was she so sceptical with the word boyfriend?
Could it be that she was under forced obligations like me? Not likely. I had seen her jovial in her relationship with Prem. I had seen her embracing Prem before and after their lovemaking. I had seen her giving him her head ecstatically and cherishing swallowing his load. She was not a wimp like me to buckle under pressure. Extortion angle did not sound strong.
However, she allowed Prem to disgrace her in public. She allowed Prem to grope and fondle her in public view. Puja & Aslam had seen her being fondled in public. She was personified by them. She knew it. She allowed her to be disrobed by Prem in presence of Pervez, Ac repair crew member. Prem threatened me for my dissidence over sissy dressing to fuck her right in the middle of hall in presence of AC crew members. The way Kavita hurriedly dressed in seductive clothing and introduced herself with the crew members was a clear indication of her knowledge about Prem’s threat. If she was a willing member of being exposed in front of crew members, she would not have tried to cover herself by the presence of Pervez. It was a planned encounter on which Kavita had knowledge. The vigour with which Kavita was keeping track of AC crew appointment, approved my suspicion on her knowledge about Prem’s predetermined resolution to disgrace her in public. The question was why did she surrender? I had witnessed Prem fondling her breast in movie hall right beside me. A little imagination could reveal the type of treatment she had received during her visit to movie or Mughlai restaurant when she was alone with Prem only. Prem was treating her as his concubine, his bitch, a public whore. I knew it, she also knew it. She knew her modesty was at stake. Why did she allow Prem that much liberty? Could anybody disgrace his lover in public? Did Prem really love her? If not, did she not realise the same? If yes, how could he disgrace her in public?
It appeared, she was least bothered about her public disgrace and social status. Then why she had to camouflage her intention of getting married to Prem and attaining motherhood? Why did she camouflage my mind with false promise of returning after two weeks? She found it appropriate to sleep with her boyfriend under same roof. My presence was not deterrent for her carnal pleasure. What she was really gaining extra with her false promise? What she wanted to convey by shedding crocodile tears? Was it some form of psychological treatment? What was her motive behind her contradictory behaviours?
I clearly remembered our telephonic talks aftermath her shifting to Prem. She was wearing tattoo for the second time with A.A inscribed. On my query She giggled audibly as she spoke, "Oh you saw my new tattoo? Isn't it cute?"
"Very cute, Kavi. Especially the letters in the middle of the heart."
She asked, trying to sound innocent, "What letters?"
"Don't pretend to me, Kavi. The letters A.A were in the middle of the heart and you know it, and I know you know it."
There was a long silence from her end, as I heard her exhale deeply.
"If that's what you think it says, Manu, then that's what it says."
"Forget tattoos, Kavi. Look at your ACTIONS. Why are you lying to me about loving me? I know it's not true."
She again drew a deep breath and said, "Manu, remember our discussion on Saturday?"
I stayed silent.
She took my silence for assent and continued, "Manu, I need my question answered. This current discussion isn't getting us anywhere. I know I love you, and I tell you I love you. But I cannot MAKE you believe it, not at this point."
Only day before yesterday, Guruji cautioned me, “Never judge any character from their external behaviour. We never know the exact forces under which an object is subjected to.”
She did not accept that the letters A.A were initials of Amir Ali in the same way as she never accepted Prem as his boyfriend. She also claimed her love to me while she had already shifted to Prem. What could be the exact reasons for Kavita to behave in contradictory manners? I could not think further. I left it for future.
Jaya informed; I was lucky to be detected in time. I did not ask for the details. I had to narrate my story again. Accepting my defeat was not that humiliating this time. It was repetition of what I already confessed to Guruji. Still it was not that easy. Jaya was a young woman, could be the reason in the beginning. Soon she proved that she was more a doctor than a woman. I started confession but she finished it. In the middle of our discussion, I realized that I was merely answering her questions. She progressed from end to beginning.
Very next day, I was shifted to a dislocated location, a location far away from localities in deep forest, hidden at a remote corner of Himalayas. A few kilometers walking from main road through forest helped me reach the campus. Except basic amenities, nothing was available. Even to access the basic amenities, one had to struggle.
My training started. It started with oath taking.
Guruji explained, “Our mind is really powerful, yet we can control it using mind control techniques. It is possible to just implant a certain thought in our mind, and feel the emotions related with that thought and train your mind to respond in a manner that we desire. Every thinking processes an individual aims at achieving happiness and pursues his or her own paths towards this goal are construed. As individuals, our concepts of what constitutes happiness differ. Often, there is a clear uneasiness in our lives that we are aware of but unable to pinpoint. This is because of our unachieved dreams and wishes and consequent dis-satisfaction.”
He further explained, “Our subconscious mind is aware of the sources of our unhappiness but our conscious mind is often unable to comprehend the same. To harness our full potential, it is essential that our conscious and subconscious minds work in tandem. The subconscious mind is the abode of our attitudes, emotions and outlook on life. By harnessing the power of the subconscious mind, we can focus on things that are important to us. Irrational fears hold us back from achieving our potential. Often, negative emotions like fear, jealousy, greed, anger, loss of hope, loss of faith in humankind and self-hold us back from being happy. By harnessing the power of the subconscious, we can control our mind and make it free from negative emotions.”
Next, he cautioned, “Unfortunately, every good thing is associated with some bad things as well. You can never separate light from darkness. Like every tool can be used for wrong purpose, Mind Control also can be misused. Mind control is a very powerful weapon and depending on its use, can either be constructive or destructive. It means different things to different people. When applied for good cause, it brings peace & tranquility. It can also be used on third party as coercive persuasion, brainwashing, thought reform, manipulation, and seduction, among others.”
Guruji concluded, “So, please take oath not to use the Mind Control techniques for the cause of destruction, whatever may be the reasons. Even if situation demands self-destruction, Mind Control should never be misused. Mind Control should never be applied for sole purpose of harming others, unless much superior cause demands its use.”
I took the oath, touching feet. I promised to apply Mind Control techniques only for good cause and never to cause harm to anybody.
For first three months, it restricted to Meditation, Yoga, Pranayama and Martial Arts. Yes, the training included practicing Judo and karate. Day started well before sunrise and day ended after one hour of dinner. I had to do all my jobs alone. I could self asses the changes within myself. On each passing day, I was feeling more energetic. Physical fitness level was improving to new heights. The feeling that ‘I can do’ was encouraging me to achieve next target. Every passing day, I was gaining control on my wandering mind. I was gaining confidence. Kavita, Prem, Gowri and my parents occasionally visited me when I was alone in bed just before sleep. Past memories were tormenting me in my sleep. Slowly I could gain some control over them. I could not wipe out the memories completely, but the frequency and anguish reduced. Finally, a stage had come when the visit to memory lane was no longer induced. It was my decision to allow the memory or not.
On every fortnight, Jaya met me to take stock of my improvement and collecting blood samples. The occasion she utilised teaching me human psychology. I learnt from her, “Normally, every activity of human under normal circumstances are directed by motive. It is very easy to extrapolate behaviour of any human once the motive is known. The motive can be of good or bad nature. However, there are exceptions to this rule also. The sudden change of moods due to external or internal stimuli can force a human act against motive. The person becomes more unpredictable, when he or she is more prone to moods. Anger is one such mood where human behaves abnormally most. Fear, Greed, Lust, Jealousy, Hatred etc other moods of similar nature.”
After end of the three and half months Guruji met me in a new campus.
He requested me if I could correct a computer system which was not working for a week. I was happy to extend my help. I had studied computer science. Within short time I could detect the minor snag and correct the system.
He thanked and took me round the campus
We reached a small workshop. One man was working on lathe. “Jay, can you please stop the machine.” Then he addressed to me. “Manu, can you please operate the machine.”
I didn’t know how to operate the lathe. I had operated similar machine long back during my engineering as part of curriculum only for few days. I lacked confidence. This was a power machine tool and any mistake could cause accidents. I expressed my concerns.
Guruji appeared read my mind. He searched for the operation manual, “This is the manual. You go through the manual and learn. How much time will you take to operate the machine?”
I expressed my genuine concerns, “I don’t think will be able to learn by reading the manual. I need some demonstration and supervision to operate. I will be able to operate only after some training.”
Guruji smiled, “OK, I agree with you. Do you play any musical instruments?”
I used to play flutes in my college days. I had fascinations on it. Happily, I acknowledged.
We left the workshop to proceed further. After crossing a few buildings, we entered one building. I could find a lot of musical instruments. I could recognize a few. There were a few flutes. I momentarily lost in past when I used to play flute. How happy I was during those days! My mind filled in all nostalgic memories.
“Manu, please play the flute.” I got distracted. Guruji had picked up a flute from the lot.
After some initial inhibitions I could perform. I could display some respectful performance after some initial failures. After I finished, he took the flute from me and started playing. He started with desh raga, effortlessly moved in bageshree raga and finally concluded in bihag raga. It was mesmerizing. As if flute got the life. I lost all track of time when he continued performance in bihag raga. I only remembered a feeling of heaviness in my heart. The melody continued to reverberate in brain for some time even after the performance ended.
“How did you enjoy the flute?” Guruji asked for my opinion.
“You are splendid. “
“You also played very well.”
“Please don’t pamper me. There is no comparison.”
“Do you know the reason for difference?”
“You have god gifted quality and you practiced very well.” I reasoned.
Guruji beamed radiantly. We moved to next room appeared to be classroom. He requested for fruit juices for us and we comfortably seated.
“Here you are Manu. You are correct. You are master in your field. You solved the computer problem so easily which was a nightmare for us. On the other hand, you see, Joy was able to perform with lathe so proficiently. He is only 4th pass but you are a master degree holder engineer. Practice and experience make the difference. Everybody can’t be master in each and every field. Not knowing something is neither crime nor inefficiency.
Guruji requested me to fetch the same flute.
I brought the flute. A middle-aged woman served fruit juices.
Guruji requested her to play the flute. She was far better than me but nowhere near Guruji. After she departed with the flute, Guruji sought my opinion, “We all three played the same flute. I have outperformed you both. Even she is also far better than you. One year back when she joined here, she did not even see a flute. She had seen the students play flutes in classes and started playing. Over time she has improved a lot by putting sincere efforts. Can you draw any co-relation in our performances?”
I vaguely tried to find suitable answer. I had no clue.
Guruji came to my rescue, “Same flute vibrates differently with different users. Even without the gift of God, with practice and experience we can improve qualities. Very few in this world are gifted with superior qualities. These inherited or God gifted qualities do not blossom of its own. Proper environment is always required for nurturing the qualities to grow. A person with average gifted qualities very often over performs a superior gifted person by sheer grit and determination. The opposite is also true. Examples of gifted persons failing miserably due to lack of practice and determination are not scare. The most important factors are uncompromising willingness, relentless practices and fortitude of reaching goal. The shortcomings in gifted qualities are mostly compensated by the zeal of life. Even at worst case, with the defeat at every stage; you will always take pleasure in the excitement of marvelous journey towards reaching your goal.”
“With your willingness of learning, devotion and maneuvering experience you could command computer in the same way Joy could command the lathe or I could play the flute. Without God’s gift, you may not be able to play flute like me but you can definitely improve your performance with practice to a level at par with experts.”
“We inherent our physical structure mainly through hereditary. The environment has little role to play in development of your general physique. We need to be contented on whatever God has gifted to us. You should be proud of everything whatever belongs to you. As a matter of fact, you should not be burdened with the virility you possess. You should look for effective utilization and attaining perfection. Love making is a process requires patience, devotion, experience, practices, passion and physical stamina to attain perfection. Profound knowledge of human anatomy, especially functionaries of sexual organs and understanding the psychological inclination of partner are keys to success. We need to capitulate with this knowledge. Every woman’s body & mind is like this flute. You need positive mind frame and willingness to tune with her body & mind to achieve desired effect.”
“You will be trained practically to alleviate your confidence on love making. Your structured training on love making will start within a few days. Most of the training will be practical with lot of practices. Theoretical parts will be imparted as and when required. This will be in addition to your present training on Mind Control techniques. Over time, you will be able to appreciate the role of Mind Control techniques in harnessing proficiency in Love making process. The love making process commands involvement of body as well as mind. I do appreciate and understand your constraints in involving physically with other women. It should not be a big hurdle as you are already in enviable position of Mind Control. You should understand the difference between role play and the reality. Please treat the women involved as your teacher and their bodies are medium of instruction. Please remove any kind of inhibition, while touching their bodies. Always remember, these are part of your treatment. Based on your performances, you will be elevated to appropriate level of love making.”
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