Non-erotic The Gamechangers by Trambak

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"How about Vivek Bansal?"

The lights blew out from the faces. I was stunned, Avik kept looking towards the darkness. Silence descended like a blanket engulfing each one of us.

How did he know?

Hidden Thoughts

The light of the early dawn woke me up. I looked towards Avik; and he was not there. The memories of the previous night flooded back and I crumbled under an ominous foreboding. That one name he uttered was enough. I stumbled towards the bathroom. The cool water on my face brought me back to the reality. I looked myself in the mirror. Was there a strain under my eyes? The woman on the other side of the glass looked right back. Was she telling me something? Her eyes seemed expressionless.

I gathered myself and walked out to the porch. Avik was not there. I looked around and found a trail going towards the woods. On an impulse, I started walking down. A mild breeze made me wrap the shawl tightly around me. And there he was, sitting alone on a roadside bench, looking towards the snow-capped ranges proudly elevated to majestic magnificence. I walked towards him. He was lost in thoughts. I placed my hands carefully on the left shoulder of this small man. As if expecting me, he took my hand and lightly kissed my palm. And then he turned. His eyes looked far away, deep as the ocean. He put his arm around me and said kindly, "Come, sit."

Both were quiet. Finally, he said, "Look at the three peaks of Trishul. From this angle, two of them seem to be merging on to each other. But, are they really?"

I only said, "You could have told me earlier?"

He turned, "Told you what? About Vivek?" I nodded, looking down.

"There was no point Tanu, but I am not worried, nor am I surprised because it was inevitable." I clutched his hand sharply as a searing pain shot through me. Inevitable? How come?

My reaction startled him but just for a moment. He got up and walked to the edge of the road and then turned back. He pulled me up, put his right arm around me and said, "Let us walk and let the Trishul be our witness today. Because finally, I am at peace with myself. I have been able to find answers to all the questions that were bothering me, worrying me, annoying me, for the last six months.

In college, you chose me. I was not deserving but you made me feel like one. A short, shy, socially challenged youngster was in your best books. I often wondered if you took pity on me or did you really love me? I have no doubts; you genuinely loved me. Love is such an illogical blind phenomenon. But what about me; did I love you? I think so because whenever I saw you, my heart fluttered dangerously, I lost my ability to speak straight and the world suddenly seemed worth living. Knowledgeable persons say that could be symptoms of a disease called love. So be it.

But do we know each other well enough? It's been 30 years, it should have been so but we falter and pretend not to see the wall where the black graffiti is indelible. You and I are two dissimilar persons, always have been. And, we haven't changed much. Even today, I am the same old social outcast that I was and you are just the opposite, a popular, flamboyant persona. Over the years, time may have changed us a bit but our DNA has remained the same. We only managed to suppress its expression. And you have done it much more than me.

For me, I had the shell to retreat; in my own selfish little world where I had no time for you. You never complained. And you? You created the shell for yourself, suppressing yourself for my sake, my children. Why? Because you loved me. Only I could not see it. My centre was me but you were around all of us. You created a safe cocoon where we all lived.

But what about you?

For the first few years, I had very little time for contemplating big things. The smaller things overwhelmed me. Day to day happenings, children; colleges; PTM; in-laws; friends; promotions, the minutia of life blurred the larger picture. I lost time for us.

By the time, I looked up; the time had passed us by. To be true, passed you by. I remained what I was. You changed yourself, to fit in with my idiosyncrasies. But as I said, could you change the DNA, your primal software? No, you updated it but the basic version stayed static. Internally, you were the same outgoing bubbly girl, a complete misfit to what your husband was.

Six months back, Robin was off. Boy, were you relieved to see him in a college? Fulki had left us much earlier. Only the two of us. And we were a discordant couple. We had more silences than conversations.

And then I noticed something, maybe because you did not try to hide it. You would come back from office and regale me with stories about this person. How witty he was, how he would crack jokes and how everyone looked up to him whenever there was a need. A thorough gentleman.

I found you truly happy.

I remember the office picnic where the spouses were invited. I did not want to go. I am unable to carry on even a simple conversation and people get to feel that I am being rude. But you insisted and I could not say no. You left early in the morning and I followed later. By the time I reached, there were all kinds of people in colourful dresses waiting for the bus. You and Vivek were the organisers and both of you were running around, conferring, and asking advice from each other. You two gelled well.