27-10-2020, 06:55 PM
(This post was last modified: 27-10-2020, 07:25 PM by manasi. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
30.1
Kavita
In the cab Gowri was curious about my discussion with Dr. Preethi.
Appreciatively I answered, “Thank you Gowri for your support. You have leased me a renewed life. I will never forget your benevolence. Dr. Preethi was explaining on various techniques in improving relationship with my husband and his recovery. She also spoke about confidence build up.”
She was candid, “No, Didi, I only tried to clear my consciousness. He was also trapping me in his hidden manifesto. He has already spoilt me. I could have been ruined completely.” Her voice changed to bitterness, “So, it’s time now for Prem to be punished.”
“Yeah! I am thinking of informing him to vacate by tomorrow. Once again, many thanks Gowri for gifting me fresh life. I would not have known many things without you forcing me for third party consultation. Thank you.”I resorted to be diplomatic.
“No mention please.” Gowri continued derisively, “I am only thinking about Prem’s motive. What could be the reason for him to establish Manu as cuckold? What actually Prem was gaining out of it? Didi, can you guess anything?”
The very reason of Prem subjecting me with sex stimulating drugs was baffling my mind. I was not ready to accept the reason as sex only. He had many sex partners. Why would he take so much risk? He had already slept with me in college days. Rather, he only had taken my virginity. So there could be some other reasons beyond sex. Manu had no acquaintance with Prem. Then what could be the motivation for Prem bullying Manu? I remembered, Prem almost forced me to invite himself as houseguest. Presently, I decided to play safe, “I am also thinking of the same. Why Prem would behave like this? It appears, he is revenging on something. As far my knowledge goes, they were not acquainted with each other earlier. There was practically no scope for them to be in contact. Then why Prem would revenge Manu?”
Gowri summarised, “In that case, only possibility could be Prem was in love with you during your college days. He could not accept Manu as your husband. Prem suffered from jealousy and wanted to level the score. But in that case, it should have been known to you.”
I replied cynically, “Quite possible, but I had no idea about it. He was one in our friend circle. He never expressed his weakness and I also never observed anything suspecting in his behaviour. “
“Whatever it may be Didi, we cannot let him go off. Prem should be punished for his heinous act. We should report to security officer. And today itself, I will convey my decision to snap my relationship with him. His ego will vanish. Wish, I could video his reactions.”
Gowri was in triumphant mood. She deserved it.
I spoke guardedly, “No Gowri, we can’t do it now. First, we don’t have any concrete proof of his offence. And most important is, Dr. Preethi has advised for taking care of Manu first. We have to proceed cautiously. Prem should not get any idea of our consultancy. He should not be suspecting. We should behave normal to him tonight. “
Gowri acknowledged my reasoning, “Yeah Didi, you are correct.”
I further added, “I am only thinking about making Manu understand reality. Breaking ice may not be an easy task, especially considering my blatant irresponsible behaviours.” Painfully, I acknowledged my immediate concerns.
Gowri did not answer immediately. After a much thought she strained to speak, “Didi, I am also equally responsible. I need to apologize. Facing Manu will be a downing task for me also. I wish, I could vanish from his sight.” She was regretful.
I did not answer her. Gowri must have understood my mood. She remained silent for the rest of our journey, leaving me in my thoughts.
I always considered Manu’s hand in disarray of my pills. I thought about Manu was keeping an eye to be assured about my pregnancy. I never doubted Prem. I never thought Prem could drug me for his fornicating pleasure. There could be more reasons for him to drug me. I have been fooled. I behaved like an idiot to destroy everything, our image, our honour, our reputation, our family life everything. Single-handedly I pushed my husband to pitfall of despair. I created a situation of his utter hopelessness. I subjected myself of his loath and skepticism. Would I get back his love? Impossible! No man in this world could love an unfaithful, filthy wife like me. He tolerated everything for me. He was humiliated, tortured, but accepted everything for me. He suffered for me. He did everything for love. And I made mockery of his love. How can I redo all? I felt small; I felt ashamed by just thinking of facing him. I wanted to cry loudly. I could not. I could not cry in presence of Gowri. Only tears filled in my eyes to drop silently over my bosom.
It was midnight when we reached home. Prem’s motorcycle was not in place. So, he did not come back yet! Immediately, I remembered, he was due to vacate our house.
I opened the door with key.
Manu was locked from inside. “He must have slept taking sleeping pill. He is regularly taking sleeping pills to get sleep now a days. I have only brought him to this state.”
Gowri straightway walked to bedroom for getting freshen up while, I moved to medicine rack. I hardly accessed the medicine box, Gowri shrilled in high voice, “Didi! Didi!”
Sensing something wrong, I strode to the bedroom. My head whirled at the decoration. We both locked in our eyes in disbelief. The scenario was clear indication of Dr. Preethi’s analysis. The decoration of the room was close resemblance of first night celebration. New bed sheet, pillow cover, flowers. Room freshener, gajra, all indicated to only possibilities. “Did he think that I went for marriage with Prem? Did he lose all hopes? Does he no longer love me? Not impossible. He has decorated the room for our first night celebration after marriage. My marriage! My marriage with Prem! What a ridiculous imagination! But, then, the decoration, new bed sheet, room freshener and the flowers all are present. No, all these are real. There is no chance to be mistaken. He definitely has assured himself of my marriage with Prem and he can’t be blamed. Could it be possible that Prem misguided him? Prem coerced him to make the arrangement to revenge. Considering his felonious act of dosing me with sex drugs, such probability is not impossible.”
There was no time for recapitulation. I had to clear the mess before arrival of Prem. I made a valiant request to Gowri while pulling the bed sheet off bed “Gowri, can you please change the bed sheet. Be hurry up.” Within five minutes, our joint efforts reversed the changes. Finally, when Gowri moved to bathroom, I quickly accessed the packet containing the pills to hide them in a remote corner of the kitchen desk. “Tomorrow I will get ample opportunity to secure them in safe place. “I was weighing on various options, when sound of calling bell distracted me. I opened the door to allow Prem in. He looked a bit distressed and thoughtful.
Even before my poking, Prem answered, “I was waiting for almost an hour for your return. I thought of not disturbing Manu, as he did not open the door in first instance. I took a leisure stroll in the campus.” He was clearly lying. His motorcycle was not there in parking. I yelped at him, “What for are you still loitering here Prem? I suppose, you were to leave today itself.” Prem was in back foot. He put his face down to avert my gaze. He was apologetic, “Sorry Kavi, I could not leave as you were not in home. Tomorrow definitely I will move out after dropping Gowri to works.” Presently, I decided not to poke the matter further at midnight.
Food was nicely arranged on dining table. Manu had put his all efforts to please me while I played all dirty games to downplay him. I heaved a sigh of relief thanking God, for not requiring facing him now. There was chicken and Paneer. Manu must have spent a lot of energy to prepare the veg dishes. I was reminded again of my husband’s caring attitude. My captivity and immoral enticement made me blind. I must regain his trust to uplift my life. If I could make Prem vacate immediately! I was hungry still could not eat. Manu’s pale face was visible everywhere. Gowri also did not eat by strange reasons. After discarding all the foods, we cleaned the dining and kitchen to remove all traces of Manu’s arrangement. I double checked about returning to normalcy before retiring to bed.
I could not get sleep immediately. My mind roamed on all the incidents since arrival of Prem. Manu continued sissy dressing after initial refusal. Though it baffled me initially, the very reason of his continuing with sissy dressing was known to me. He was being manhandled; he was being bullied by Prem. He was slapped within my knowledge more than once. He repeatedly requested me for exit of Prem. In turn what did I do? I continued sleeping with Prem in his presence. Agreed, I was coerced, but it cannot absolve me of my inhuman behaviours. I made mockery of his deprived sexuality. I abused him on his desperate frustration. I humiliated him for his masturbation. On one side, I encouraged him in sissy dressing. On the other side, I continued humiliating him on sissy dressing.
Two weeks back I only told him, “I can't promise, Manu. You have behaved admirably, this week. But I need you to continue to behave as you did, if you want to convince me that you're telling me the truth. Plus, I can't control my boyfriend, as you know; he's much more possessive over me. And there are other concerns as well.”
Manu enquired, "Like what, Kavi?"
I answered, “Oh, that's stuff between me and my boyfriend, Manu. Not your concern."
He had no idea about my secret concern with Prem. I had a chance to correct myself. I deliberately missed the opportunity.
Then on Friday last he phoned me with great hope. I did put cold water on his hope, "Manu, why are you SO damn impatient? Two weeks ends on Sunday, not tonight.” I did not stop there. I continued, "I'm busy now, besides. I can't pack up and move back tonight, even if I wanted to. And Prem agreed to Sunday, so be a LITTLE more patient, OK?"I did not tell him the truth. Gowri’s phone call had a disturbing effect on my thinking.
‘My secret concern with Prem’ and ‘Prem agreed to Sunday’, he combined both statements together to draw a logical conclusion. Considering my present level of physical relationship with Prem and my continuing indifferent humiliating attitude towards him, any normal persons would conclude in same way. Manu being my husband, it was more logical to think in that direction.
In exasperation, I came out of bedroom. I reached near Manu’s closed door. I could feel the pain he was carrying in his heart. I was only responsible.
Just two weeks back, over phone, I mocked him on his masturbation in panties, "Well, darling, you've been leaving stains on your pretty panties each day since we slept together on Monday." I said that.
Finding him speechless I mocked again, "Thank God, I thought you got a heart attack or something!"
I heard Manu’s desperate voice, "If you keep doing this, Kavi, I probably will."
I did not stop there. I continued pulling his legs. "Aww, come on, darling, are you telling me wearing those pretty panties isn't reducing your stress levels?"
Manu complained, exhausted, "Kavi, you're increasing my stress levels right now."
I did not finish with his humiliation. I continued commenting on his wearing panties. I forced him to accept against his determination. He accepted in utter humiliation, "You're right, Kavi. They are pretty."
Joyfully I acknowledged, "Am glad you agree, darling. Yes, they are pretty. And I wouldn't dream of increasing your stress levels through my words, leave alone causing you a heart attack."
Again his desperation was clear, "I know, Kavi."
In happy mood I told, "Thank you, darling. Am glad you trust me more, now. See you today evening. I love you."
And I demonstrated my love in the evening. I dressed myself in skimpy nighty for a gallant show with Prem and Gowri. I forced him to accept that, the reason behind my adultery was his sissy dressing fantasy. I presented him as a cuckold in front of Prem and Gowri. That was not end of Manu’s humiliation. I allowed Prem to escort his bitches to his bed. There was no doubt, for all practical purpose, my behaviour was nothing but a silly bitch of Prem. Consecutively two mornings, I had forced Manu to serve coffee in bedroom. I compelled him to do laundry while we went for joyride.
He did not break. He kept his hope alive. He was desperate to get me back. He approached me immediately finding me alone on Sunday night when Prem was out to drop Gowri. What did I do? I humiliated him again. I did put cold water on his hopes. I could have behaved better!
I did not care for his desperation. I blatantly tested his endurance level. In my wanton desire, I did not realize when I crossed the limit. I continued hunting his emotions. The more I thought, the more it was evident that many things I could have avoided not to happen. Dr. Preethi was afraid of nervous breakdown. Was it possible, I had pushed him to nervous breakdown? It seemed I had. The dinner and the decoration of bedroom were all indication of his nervous breakdown. How could I do that? Do I really love him? What should I do? Questions kept on haunting me.
I wanted to be with him. I wanted to hug him, cry on his chaste. I prayed God for his wellbeing. “Give me punishment for my deeds. Please don’t punish him. Please make him all right.” I wept, I prayed, I blamed myself to reduce my pain. “Forgive me Manu, forgive me. Forgive this filthy woman. I don’t deserve to be your wife. Forgive me.” I broke down in inconsolable sobbing.
Very slowly I returned to bedroom.
Prem was on the floor, sleeping. Bastard! I vowed to take revenge. Prem would be punished, a punishment he would never forget in his life. I would deliver the punishment. I would make his life hell. He should not be allowed to die. I would make him beg for his life. It should not be hurried. First, Manu had to be recovered.
Back in bed, I immersed in my thoughts again. How could Manu think of my marriage? How could he think that, I would get married with Prem? Why not? I was sleeping with Prem under the same roof, sharing same bed day after day in front of his eyes. He was being bullied by the person I was sleeping every night. It was quite natural for him to misjudge. He was not expected to read my mind. In similar way, I also had failed to read his mind correctly. I failed to understand the frustration level building up in his mind. I only did allow for his speculation to grow. I was only to be blamed for everything happening. I was misbehaving with him, blaming him for lack of attachment. Indirectly, I declared Prem was better than him. Once I told him, "Manu, I don't see why you would complain at all, if you genuinely felt that Prem was better man than you. “ Believe me Manu, Prem was never a better man than you. He was not a man at all. I did not tell you the truth. I lied only to manipulate your mind.
***
By the time I got up, Manu was ready for office standing on main door. I remembered; I was not getting sleep for long time in anxiety.
Gowri was telling him something. From her posture it appeared she was apologizing. His eyes were fixed on his toes.
I quickly reached near him. Seeing me approaching, Gowri strolled back. I felt a strong desire to embrace him, hug him on the spot. I could not. The presence of Gowri watching us put me in shambles. False pride took over my senses. What Gowri would think about me was more dominant. I whispered in pale smile, “Good morning, Manu.”
He lifted his pale face for few moments before putting it down. His voice was barely audible, “Morning.” He turned to step outside.
Apologetically I whispered again, “Sorry for being late to get up. Can you spare some time? I have something important to discuss with you. We have to go for an urgent medical check-up. Can you take off today?”
He stopped to listen to me. Without answering, he resumed his journey.
In desperation I shouted, “Why don’t you listen to me?”
He stopped and murmured without even looking at me, “There is nothing left for discussion. You have always taken your decisions independently. You will get what you want, immaterial of whether I like it or not. I will not come on your path.”
His wounded heart was clearly exposed. It touched my heart. I should have fallen to his feet seeking forgiveness. I did not. False pride overtook my senses again. Instead I whimpered, “Please Manu, believe me. Whatever you are thinking is not correct.”
This time his voice was clear. “Madam, please excuse me. If Amir Sir finds me speaking to you, I will be in trouble” and hurriedly he left. Did Gowri listen? I turned red on the prospect of her listening to our conversation. I was more worried about Gowri listening to us. I was more worried about my pride and prestige to Gowri than my husband’s pain& anguish!
Gowri hugged me in tight embrace apparently in consolation, “Didi, don’t worry. Manuda is a very genuine and nice person. He will definitely forgive us.”
Since when my husband had been transformed to Manuda from Manu I could not ascertain.
It was very clear, Manu granted me as property of Prem, his bitch. Manu could not be blamed for that. My slavish behaviour was reason for that. He did not believe me. Maybe he did not love me also any more. I had always considered his love unconditional!
Manu’s desperate voice of Last Friday was ringing in my brain, "I love you, Kavi.”
I laughed while replying, "Oh, I know, darling. I always have known it, even though you never say so. I love you too. See you later."
I had made a great error in judgement. My own despair surpassed his despair. I misbehaved with him.
And the pendant! Twice-- twice he had vehemently reacted observing tattoo with A.A on my body. His repugnance and revulsion on A.A was known. For him A.A was synonym with Amir Ali. It was incorrect but he believed it. I only made him to believe it.
First time Prem fixed tattoo after injuring Manu’s hand. He found it during bath and enquired, “Why A.A, Kavi?"
I replied angrily, "What do you mean 'why A.A Kavi'?"
"Your tattoo says A.A."
I was mentally disturbed that day. I replied in same mood, "I mentioned it was cute before both you and Prem. And he got it for me yesterday. I guess that's why he picked what the tattoo was, the letters.”
Manu was hoping to get it washed and as it did not, he used the earliest opportunity. That night he removed while we were in bed. He had to pay price for that. He was bullied for touching my body, his wife’s body. Prem had already claimed ownership of my body, his woman! I could not save Manu from physical torture.
Second time Prem fixed it after I shifted to his room. Manu had no physical access to his wife. By that time she was sole property of Prem, a woman for his carnal pleasure, his bitch. Finding tattoo he complained again. I mocked over his concern, "Oh you saw my new tattoo? Isn't it cute?"
He was sarcastic, "Very cute, Kavi. Especially, the letters in the middle of the heart."
I played evasive, "What letters?"
He was serious by then, "Don't pretend to me, Kavi. The letters A.A were in the middle of the heart and you know it, and I know you know it."
I took long time before answering. One part in my mind was asking me to reveal the truth.
Clearly he considered A.A as Amir Ali. His thought process touched my pride. My touchiness and ego overtook my consciousness. “What he thinks of me? How could he think that willingly I would adorn my body with a tattoo bearing Prem’s initials? If he could not believe me, let him not do so.”
I decided not to reveal the truth that day. Painfully I answered, "If that's what you think it says, Manu, then that's what it says."
I did not realise that I was sleeping with Prem like husband-wife. I did not realise on that day that Manu was not in right mind frame to differentiate the difference of my pronouncement. I made a monumental judgmental error. I continued committing errors after errors unabated. I continued testing his mental strength, his attachment, his love.
Unintentionally, I made a display on last Friday evening. I did make a mistake. I had forgotten the presence of it in my belly. Involuntarily, I tested his endurance. I could have clarified his doubt long back, at the first instance itself. I did not. Righteously, I was rejected. I was humiliated. My ill-conceived plan had backstabbed me!
Gowri and Prem left for work shortly after breakfast.
***
The first thing I wanted to do after Gowri left was shifting my luggage to Manus bedroom. It was not that easy as I thought. Thinking of Manu’s adverse reaction, I felt weakness in my mind. How easy it was to come out of this room. Returning could be so frightening I never imagined. I consoled myself with the optimism that he loved me. “I will beg for mercy. He loves me. He will not deny me. He will definitely forgive me.”
I packed my luggage and pulled them near to Manu’s bedroom. I dared not to pull inside in his absence. A strong retarding force unknown to me was holding my feet at the threshold of his room. I failed to explain myself my own behaviour. Finally, I decided to wait till his return. I shifted the luggage a bit distant of the door.
After lunch I called him hesitantly with apprehension of denial. His phone was switched off. Frantically, I remembered him saying in the morning, “I will not come on your path.” What actually he meant by it? I failed to judge his mental orientation. In last two months I had been isolated from him. It was my gift to my husband. I got scared and contacted his office.
“Mr Manu Sharma is busy in attending a seminar.” I got relieved of my tension.
I tried hard to visualise possible reasons for his discomposure. “My past behaviours cannot be undone immediately. But he is very understanding and accommodative. He loves me. He will easily understand my plight due to drug abuse. Slowly I have to regain his trust. The very cause of his discomfitures is to be cleared. Then only he will be free of tension for further discussion. Unless Prem is moved out, situation may not improve. There is every reason for him to feel insecure in presence of Prem.” I decided on that direction.
Not finding Prem return by evening, I called Gowri. I had news. She was euphoric over telephone. “Didi, Perm has been thrashed by his colleague. He may even be sacked from office.”
“What are saying Gowri? You must be daydreaming.” I tried to lightly blow away her enchanted joyfulness.
“Didi, I am with disciplinary committee. Will call you after the meeting.” She hung her phone.
She called me after half an hour.
The thrill in her voice was clear, “I know you can’t believe. In the morning after we reached office, I informed Prem in clear unambiguous authority of my decision to snap my relationship with him. First he did not take me seriously. Then after realising the truth, he demanded the reasons for my decision. I made him understand about his true characters. He could not digest. He was furious. He was shaking in anger. Some heated arguments followed. I cautioned him of severe consequences in the event of disturbing me in future and left him in his state. “
Now I was curious, “What happened next? Did he follow you?”
“Listen Didi, don’t interrupt. During tea interval, I was alone on my way back after tea when Prem approached me. Our arguments soon turned into an ugly affair. I accused him of bossism& psychopath and tried to escape. He was not ready to listen anything and forcing me to follow him by pulling my hands. I tried to make myself free without success. He was causing me pain. Mahesh, our colleague, was passing nearby. He intervened and politely requested Prem to release my hand. Prem shouted on Mahesh and cautioned him for not interfering in his personal matters. Finding opportunities I released my hands. Mahesh tried to explain gently, ‘Amir, this is office. You can’t misbehave with Gowri. When she is not willing, leave her. Forcing any woman is indecent behaviour.’”
“Prem was not ready to listen. He tried to pull me again by hands. This time may be because of presence of Mahesh, I was more courageous. I released my right hand and slapped Prem. He became furious. He captivated me. Mahesh objected Prem’s behaviour and requested repeatedly to release me. Mahesh tried to make me free from Prem’s clutches. Enraged, Prem kicked and pushed Mahesh to the ground. Mahesh quickly gained ground on his feet and made a fervent request for not crossing limit. This enraged Prem more. Finding Mahesh alone, he kicked him again and pulled my hand forcibly. I lost balance under sudden pulling and fell down on ground. In panicky, I let out a distress call.”
“Next it was turn for Mahesh to teach Prem fitting lesson. Mahesh’s right-hand fist landed on his nose. The left hander landed just above right eye. Before Prem toppled to ground, Mahesh’s right foot kick landed on his groin. Prem was reeling on ground panting in pain clutching his groin. Mahesh kicked his balls again, again and again. Prem was throbbing and panging on the ground in spasms. By this time other colleagues had arrived and struggled to separate Mahesh. Mahesh finished with a powerful kick on his face before forcefully taken away. Prem was bleeding on nose and mouth. He was promptly taken away for first aid. I presume he has lost a few front teeth. Mahesh was a black belt holder. Prem’s physical strength was no match to Mahesh’s swiftness.”
“Afternoon there was disciplinary committee meeting. CC TV footage clearly found fault with Prem intimidating me. Committee has recommended for termination of his services for violating atrocity of woman in work place. He has also been charged for unprovoked attacking to Mahesh.”
“Mahesh was ready to forgive Prem but I did not budge. He was on my feet begging for mercy and not to complain to security officer. It was a scene. Can you imagine Didi, Prem is weeping and begging holding his ear lobes. He has cheated me and played with my emotions. I will not allow it let go. I have decided in favour of security officer complaint.”
“I will share you the CCTV footages next time I meet you. Show them to Manuda.”
With a lot of hesitation she requested, “Didi, can I come to your house someday? I have to apologize to your husband. Any day and time will be ok. Please Didi, don’t say no.”
“You are welcome Gowri on any day. Just check we are at home.”
***
Late Evening Prem returned in dishevelled condition. There was dressing on his face right below eye. His angry attitude was missing. It was a definite slap on his alpha man ego. He was unable to lift his head. It amused me thinking that just last Friday, after receiving Gowri’s call, I feared him again to lose my honour and pride. I anticipated fresh threat from him. “You look nice Prem. It appears you barged into burglary in some shop. Or maybe you behaved like a rowdy touching somebody’s girlfriend.” I did not miss the opportunity humiliating him further.
“I met with an accident.” Prem meekly answered with lot of difficulties keeping his head down.
I mocked on his condition, “Accident? Where? Was it in the office? Was it painful Prem?” I waited for his answer. I rubbed more salt in his wound, sarcastically added, “Gowri was talking about it. She said you were panting in pain. I thought, you also have become another Vipul. Is it really painful Prem?”I saw his head further going down in shame.
I faced him with determination. I pulled my attention to Prem. My decision was over. It’s now time to act. I was not afraid of him anymore.
“Prem, you were to vacate today itself. Do you want me call security to evict you?” I kept my eyes fixed on him.
He murmured feebly, “I am sorry Kavi. Unfortunate events put me in troubles for full day. Tomorrow I will be gone. You won’t get any opportunity to complain further.” His difficulty on speaking was clear.
Avoiding any altercation, I answered in cold voice. “Don’t take my name in your filthy mouth. Presently, you are spared due to odd timings. I hope you remember and vacate at the earliest, by tomorrow morning before sunrise.”
Prem made a valiant request. “Please, allow me till noon. I have to complete packing.”
I straight way rejected his proposal. “No way, Prem.” After a quick thinking, I continued, “I can give time a couple of hours more. Tomorrow morning well before breakfast you should be gone. Else, you know, what I mean. “
Satirically I added, “If you find it difficult to pay hotel bills, beg to my husband. I will request him to honour my unwanted houseguest. “I did not hide my exasperation.
Prem must have understood his position. He agreed without any commotion. “This will not be necessary. I promise to vacate by tomorrow morning. I hope that will not be our last meeting.”
“I sincerely want tomorrow should be our last meeting. And listen carefully; from now onwards never try to keep contact with me or my husband on any pretext. Otherwise you may have to face consequences. Now get out of my sight!” I waited till Prem staggered slowly to disappear to his room and then I latched door from outside. I did not want to invite any risk from him.
I diverted my mind to my pathetic conditions. I wished my husband’s early return. How beautiful it would have been if Prem would not have been here. I had locked him in bedroom. I did not envisage any harm from him anymore. Still his presence in vicinity was causing irritation. I scolded myself for allowing Prem night stay.
***
Testing my anxiety and patience, Manu returned around midnight. He was different. He was not the same frustrated, confused, desperate and depressed Manu I had been seeing for last two months. Neither he was comparable with lack of confidence nor full of anxiety, which I had been associated with previous four years. He seemed to be relieved of his morning tension. There was no visible reaction on his face compared to morning. He did not lower his face seeing me as it was happening earlier. Still he did not look at me. He ignored my presence. He refused to acknowledge my existence. He removed his shoes mechanically before pacing to his room.
I called him from behind, “Manu, Please come for food after freshen up. I will worm them up.”
I decided not to be in hurry and explain the details in privacy. After getting freshened up he joined me in the dining hall. I tried to force a smile to him. He did not look at me. His stoic silence made me nervous further. We had our food in silence. Privacy of bedroom would definitely be better to discuss sensitive issues. Dr. Preethi had advised to approach carefully. I decided to wait for right opportunity to ponder.
When he finished washing his hands, I made request softly, “Manu, please don’t lock the door. I will be joining you.”
He stopped to face me. Firmly he spoke, “You better not.” He turned around to disappear in his room. Clearly he refused me. No longer did he love me. Maybe he loathed me presently. Fortunately, he did not lock the door.
By the time I joined him in bed after cleaning the dining and kitchen, he was snoring in deep sleep. I wanted to cuddle him but could not. An unknown fear and force forced me maintain distance. He was sleeping peacefully. A strange smile was clearly visible on his face. His posture and composure was clear indication of peace of his mind. I could not dislodge my sight from him. For past two and half months, this man had suffered for me. He could have easily deserted me. He could have abandoned me long back. Easily he could get a better woman than me in his life. He did not. He suffered everything for my safety and pride. What could have I done, if he left me? I had no option except taking my life. He saved my life sacrificing his. I could not sleep for long time thinking of my past.
***
I must have over slept. Finally, when I got up Manu was leaving. He was already outside of main door. Before I could approach, he closed the main door behind. I looked at the watch. He started his office, unusually one hour early. ‘Yesterday, full day, he was in seminar. There must be some urgent pending jobs need immediate attention,’ I reasoned.
Prem vacated house unceremoniously after Manu’s departure to office. I took possession of his albums, camera and his cell phone. Prem vehemently objected but accepted once I threatened to reach security officer. The moment he was out, I closed the main door. I should have done this long back, I thought.
I tried to reach Manu over phone, it was switched off. I continued my efforts on every fifteen minutes. Every time, I got response of same Status. Phone was switched off.
Fanatically, I called his office just before lunchtime.
Manu had resigned!
The news I was least expecting. The downfall had started. I only had sowed the seeds. I could not avoid but compared myself with a poisonous snake. My poison had spread over our relationship. Now it was swallowing my innocent husband.
I got perplexed.
While waiting anxiously for him I started planning my immediate task. ‘I should not talk about his resignation. First, he has to be brought out of his stigma. I have to win back his confidence. Manu will start believing me only after ensuring Prem is gone. It will not be an easy task to normalise him. I should not take any risk hurrying the matter. Dr. Preethi is a very good doctor. I will take her guidance. Tomorrow itself I will talk to her. I have to convince Manu for consultancy at the earliest.’
Later in the evening I prepared elaborate dinner. Late evening Manu was not back. Last evening also he was late. I was anxious for his safe return. This time, my mental turmoil surpassed previous record. Standing in balcony, I continued gazing on the road for any glimpse of his return. On every tiny sound I ran to hall to open the main door expecting him, only to be disappointed immediately. Time was passing at snail’s speed.
Time was almost 11 PM, Manu did not return. There was no response in office phone. I had no contact details of his office colleagues. I got scared. In panicky I phoned Gowri. I regained faith on her after seeing Prem’s debacle. I explained about the current developments. She must have understood my conditions. “Don’t worry Didi. Everything will be all right. I will try to reach you tonight else definitely by tomorrow morning.” Then she added to assure me further, “Prem was in the office post lunch. He was begging for not making any security officer complaint. I declined and made written complain. He deserves punishment.”
I was serious of reaching security officer when finally, Manu returned at midnight. He averted his look immediately seeing me on the door. He was looking very tired. He had been devastated. I was only responsible for all these. Forcibly I controlled my tears.
Closing the door, I took his hands in mine, “Please get freshened up. I will worm the food.”
Very slowly he released his hands from mine, sighed, “Amir Sir may not approve you touching me. He will be angry seeing us together.” He walked unsteadily in the direction of his bedroom. Tear drops rolled over my chick. Defeated and humiliated, I could not move. I stared at his slowly disappearing figure. Suddenly, I remembered at that point that he was unaware of Prem’s eviction.
I stopped him on the threshold of his room. I caught hold on his hand from behind, “Prem has left permanently. He will never come back.”
Manu was taken aback. He turned around to face me, to understand what I just said. He was looking at my face questioningly. I wiped my eyes and repeated in assurance,” Prem has left and will never come back to disturb us again. I have thrown him out of our house.”
His eyes sparkled. A faint smile appeared in his face. His lips quivered in anticipation. Hesitantly, he placed his both hands loosely on my shoulder and looked deep in my eyes. His unuttered question was very clear. He wanted to believe. He did not believe.
I nodded my head in assurance. I beamed in teary eyes, “Believe me. He will never disturb us.” I hugged him tightly. I placed my head on his chest. His hands slowly tightened me taking me in his grip. I realised what I was missing. I sensed my peace of mind was coming back. He had accepted me. He had forgiven me. There was nothing for me to worry. I closed my eyes in mental relief.
Then I heard sound of calling bell. It did reach my ear but not to my brain. I didn’t want to be disturbed. I ignored. Then it happened again. It rang three times with little gap. I felt Manu’s hand loosened over his grip. I lifted my face to look at him questioningly. Why he was disturbed at the sound of bell? It was not time to be disturbed by others. This time only belonged to us! I nodded my head in negation and gestured him to ignore. I placed my face again deeply buried in his chest and tightened my grip.
Then it happened. Calling bell rang persistently, almost nonstop. The nagging sound forced me to lift my face. I looked at him embezzled. Before Manu could answer calling bell rang again. He looked at the main door and again at my face questioningly. The sparkle in his eyes vanished. The bell rang again. I immediately remembered about Gowri. She earlier had informed me about her visit, knowing me in distress. Gowri must have come.
“Let me see. It must be Gowri.” I proceeded to open the door.
Kavita
In the cab Gowri was curious about my discussion with Dr. Preethi.
Appreciatively I answered, “Thank you Gowri for your support. You have leased me a renewed life. I will never forget your benevolence. Dr. Preethi was explaining on various techniques in improving relationship with my husband and his recovery. She also spoke about confidence build up.”
She was candid, “No, Didi, I only tried to clear my consciousness. He was also trapping me in his hidden manifesto. He has already spoilt me. I could have been ruined completely.” Her voice changed to bitterness, “So, it’s time now for Prem to be punished.”
“Yeah! I am thinking of informing him to vacate by tomorrow. Once again, many thanks Gowri for gifting me fresh life. I would not have known many things without you forcing me for third party consultation. Thank you.”I resorted to be diplomatic.
“No mention please.” Gowri continued derisively, “I am only thinking about Prem’s motive. What could be the reason for him to establish Manu as cuckold? What actually Prem was gaining out of it? Didi, can you guess anything?”
The very reason of Prem subjecting me with sex stimulating drugs was baffling my mind. I was not ready to accept the reason as sex only. He had many sex partners. Why would he take so much risk? He had already slept with me in college days. Rather, he only had taken my virginity. So there could be some other reasons beyond sex. Manu had no acquaintance with Prem. Then what could be the motivation for Prem bullying Manu? I remembered, Prem almost forced me to invite himself as houseguest. Presently, I decided to play safe, “I am also thinking of the same. Why Prem would behave like this? It appears, he is revenging on something. As far my knowledge goes, they were not acquainted with each other earlier. There was practically no scope for them to be in contact. Then why Prem would revenge Manu?”
Gowri summarised, “In that case, only possibility could be Prem was in love with you during your college days. He could not accept Manu as your husband. Prem suffered from jealousy and wanted to level the score. But in that case, it should have been known to you.”
I replied cynically, “Quite possible, but I had no idea about it. He was one in our friend circle. He never expressed his weakness and I also never observed anything suspecting in his behaviour. “
“Whatever it may be Didi, we cannot let him go off. Prem should be punished for his heinous act. We should report to security officer. And today itself, I will convey my decision to snap my relationship with him. His ego will vanish. Wish, I could video his reactions.”
Gowri was in triumphant mood. She deserved it.
I spoke guardedly, “No Gowri, we can’t do it now. First, we don’t have any concrete proof of his offence. And most important is, Dr. Preethi has advised for taking care of Manu first. We have to proceed cautiously. Prem should not get any idea of our consultancy. He should not be suspecting. We should behave normal to him tonight. “
Gowri acknowledged my reasoning, “Yeah Didi, you are correct.”
I further added, “I am only thinking about making Manu understand reality. Breaking ice may not be an easy task, especially considering my blatant irresponsible behaviours.” Painfully, I acknowledged my immediate concerns.
Gowri did not answer immediately. After a much thought she strained to speak, “Didi, I am also equally responsible. I need to apologize. Facing Manu will be a downing task for me also. I wish, I could vanish from his sight.” She was regretful.
I did not answer her. Gowri must have understood my mood. She remained silent for the rest of our journey, leaving me in my thoughts.
I always considered Manu’s hand in disarray of my pills. I thought about Manu was keeping an eye to be assured about my pregnancy. I never doubted Prem. I never thought Prem could drug me for his fornicating pleasure. There could be more reasons for him to drug me. I have been fooled. I behaved like an idiot to destroy everything, our image, our honour, our reputation, our family life everything. Single-handedly I pushed my husband to pitfall of despair. I created a situation of his utter hopelessness. I subjected myself of his loath and skepticism. Would I get back his love? Impossible! No man in this world could love an unfaithful, filthy wife like me. He tolerated everything for me. He was humiliated, tortured, but accepted everything for me. He suffered for me. He did everything for love. And I made mockery of his love. How can I redo all? I felt small; I felt ashamed by just thinking of facing him. I wanted to cry loudly. I could not. I could not cry in presence of Gowri. Only tears filled in my eyes to drop silently over my bosom.
It was midnight when we reached home. Prem’s motorcycle was not in place. So, he did not come back yet! Immediately, I remembered, he was due to vacate our house.
I opened the door with key.
Manu was locked from inside. “He must have slept taking sleeping pill. He is regularly taking sleeping pills to get sleep now a days. I have only brought him to this state.”
Gowri straightway walked to bedroom for getting freshen up while, I moved to medicine rack. I hardly accessed the medicine box, Gowri shrilled in high voice, “Didi! Didi!”
Sensing something wrong, I strode to the bedroom. My head whirled at the decoration. We both locked in our eyes in disbelief. The scenario was clear indication of Dr. Preethi’s analysis. The decoration of the room was close resemblance of first night celebration. New bed sheet, pillow cover, flowers. Room freshener, gajra, all indicated to only possibilities. “Did he think that I went for marriage with Prem? Did he lose all hopes? Does he no longer love me? Not impossible. He has decorated the room for our first night celebration after marriage. My marriage! My marriage with Prem! What a ridiculous imagination! But, then, the decoration, new bed sheet, room freshener and the flowers all are present. No, all these are real. There is no chance to be mistaken. He definitely has assured himself of my marriage with Prem and he can’t be blamed. Could it be possible that Prem misguided him? Prem coerced him to make the arrangement to revenge. Considering his felonious act of dosing me with sex drugs, such probability is not impossible.”
There was no time for recapitulation. I had to clear the mess before arrival of Prem. I made a valiant request to Gowri while pulling the bed sheet off bed “Gowri, can you please change the bed sheet. Be hurry up.” Within five minutes, our joint efforts reversed the changes. Finally, when Gowri moved to bathroom, I quickly accessed the packet containing the pills to hide them in a remote corner of the kitchen desk. “Tomorrow I will get ample opportunity to secure them in safe place. “I was weighing on various options, when sound of calling bell distracted me. I opened the door to allow Prem in. He looked a bit distressed and thoughtful.
Even before my poking, Prem answered, “I was waiting for almost an hour for your return. I thought of not disturbing Manu, as he did not open the door in first instance. I took a leisure stroll in the campus.” He was clearly lying. His motorcycle was not there in parking. I yelped at him, “What for are you still loitering here Prem? I suppose, you were to leave today itself.” Prem was in back foot. He put his face down to avert my gaze. He was apologetic, “Sorry Kavi, I could not leave as you were not in home. Tomorrow definitely I will move out after dropping Gowri to works.” Presently, I decided not to poke the matter further at midnight.
Food was nicely arranged on dining table. Manu had put his all efforts to please me while I played all dirty games to downplay him. I heaved a sigh of relief thanking God, for not requiring facing him now. There was chicken and Paneer. Manu must have spent a lot of energy to prepare the veg dishes. I was reminded again of my husband’s caring attitude. My captivity and immoral enticement made me blind. I must regain his trust to uplift my life. If I could make Prem vacate immediately! I was hungry still could not eat. Manu’s pale face was visible everywhere. Gowri also did not eat by strange reasons. After discarding all the foods, we cleaned the dining and kitchen to remove all traces of Manu’s arrangement. I double checked about returning to normalcy before retiring to bed.
I could not get sleep immediately. My mind roamed on all the incidents since arrival of Prem. Manu continued sissy dressing after initial refusal. Though it baffled me initially, the very reason of his continuing with sissy dressing was known to me. He was being manhandled; he was being bullied by Prem. He was slapped within my knowledge more than once. He repeatedly requested me for exit of Prem. In turn what did I do? I continued sleeping with Prem in his presence. Agreed, I was coerced, but it cannot absolve me of my inhuman behaviours. I made mockery of his deprived sexuality. I abused him on his desperate frustration. I humiliated him for his masturbation. On one side, I encouraged him in sissy dressing. On the other side, I continued humiliating him on sissy dressing.
Two weeks back I only told him, “I can't promise, Manu. You have behaved admirably, this week. But I need you to continue to behave as you did, if you want to convince me that you're telling me the truth. Plus, I can't control my boyfriend, as you know; he's much more possessive over me. And there are other concerns as well.”
Manu enquired, "Like what, Kavi?"
I answered, “Oh, that's stuff between me and my boyfriend, Manu. Not your concern."
He had no idea about my secret concern with Prem. I had a chance to correct myself. I deliberately missed the opportunity.
Then on Friday last he phoned me with great hope. I did put cold water on his hope, "Manu, why are you SO damn impatient? Two weeks ends on Sunday, not tonight.” I did not stop there. I continued, "I'm busy now, besides. I can't pack up and move back tonight, even if I wanted to. And Prem agreed to Sunday, so be a LITTLE more patient, OK?"I did not tell him the truth. Gowri’s phone call had a disturbing effect on my thinking.
‘My secret concern with Prem’ and ‘Prem agreed to Sunday’, he combined both statements together to draw a logical conclusion. Considering my present level of physical relationship with Prem and my continuing indifferent humiliating attitude towards him, any normal persons would conclude in same way. Manu being my husband, it was more logical to think in that direction.
In exasperation, I came out of bedroom. I reached near Manu’s closed door. I could feel the pain he was carrying in his heart. I was only responsible.
Just two weeks back, over phone, I mocked him on his masturbation in panties, "Well, darling, you've been leaving stains on your pretty panties each day since we slept together on Monday." I said that.
Finding him speechless I mocked again, "Thank God, I thought you got a heart attack or something!"
I heard Manu’s desperate voice, "If you keep doing this, Kavi, I probably will."
I did not stop there. I continued pulling his legs. "Aww, come on, darling, are you telling me wearing those pretty panties isn't reducing your stress levels?"
Manu complained, exhausted, "Kavi, you're increasing my stress levels right now."
I did not finish with his humiliation. I continued commenting on his wearing panties. I forced him to accept against his determination. He accepted in utter humiliation, "You're right, Kavi. They are pretty."
Joyfully I acknowledged, "Am glad you agree, darling. Yes, they are pretty. And I wouldn't dream of increasing your stress levels through my words, leave alone causing you a heart attack."
Again his desperation was clear, "I know, Kavi."
In happy mood I told, "Thank you, darling. Am glad you trust me more, now. See you today evening. I love you."
And I demonstrated my love in the evening. I dressed myself in skimpy nighty for a gallant show with Prem and Gowri. I forced him to accept that, the reason behind my adultery was his sissy dressing fantasy. I presented him as a cuckold in front of Prem and Gowri. That was not end of Manu’s humiliation. I allowed Prem to escort his bitches to his bed. There was no doubt, for all practical purpose, my behaviour was nothing but a silly bitch of Prem. Consecutively two mornings, I had forced Manu to serve coffee in bedroom. I compelled him to do laundry while we went for joyride.
He did not break. He kept his hope alive. He was desperate to get me back. He approached me immediately finding me alone on Sunday night when Prem was out to drop Gowri. What did I do? I humiliated him again. I did put cold water on his hopes. I could have behaved better!
I did not care for his desperation. I blatantly tested his endurance level. In my wanton desire, I did not realize when I crossed the limit. I continued hunting his emotions. The more I thought, the more it was evident that many things I could have avoided not to happen. Dr. Preethi was afraid of nervous breakdown. Was it possible, I had pushed him to nervous breakdown? It seemed I had. The dinner and the decoration of bedroom were all indication of his nervous breakdown. How could I do that? Do I really love him? What should I do? Questions kept on haunting me.
I wanted to be with him. I wanted to hug him, cry on his chaste. I prayed God for his wellbeing. “Give me punishment for my deeds. Please don’t punish him. Please make him all right.” I wept, I prayed, I blamed myself to reduce my pain. “Forgive me Manu, forgive me. Forgive this filthy woman. I don’t deserve to be your wife. Forgive me.” I broke down in inconsolable sobbing.
Very slowly I returned to bedroom.
Prem was on the floor, sleeping. Bastard! I vowed to take revenge. Prem would be punished, a punishment he would never forget in his life. I would deliver the punishment. I would make his life hell. He should not be allowed to die. I would make him beg for his life. It should not be hurried. First, Manu had to be recovered.
Back in bed, I immersed in my thoughts again. How could Manu think of my marriage? How could he think that, I would get married with Prem? Why not? I was sleeping with Prem under the same roof, sharing same bed day after day in front of his eyes. He was being bullied by the person I was sleeping every night. It was quite natural for him to misjudge. He was not expected to read my mind. In similar way, I also had failed to read his mind correctly. I failed to understand the frustration level building up in his mind. I only did allow for his speculation to grow. I was only to be blamed for everything happening. I was misbehaving with him, blaming him for lack of attachment. Indirectly, I declared Prem was better than him. Once I told him, "Manu, I don't see why you would complain at all, if you genuinely felt that Prem was better man than you. “ Believe me Manu, Prem was never a better man than you. He was not a man at all. I did not tell you the truth. I lied only to manipulate your mind.
***
By the time I got up, Manu was ready for office standing on main door. I remembered; I was not getting sleep for long time in anxiety.
Gowri was telling him something. From her posture it appeared she was apologizing. His eyes were fixed on his toes.
I quickly reached near him. Seeing me approaching, Gowri strolled back. I felt a strong desire to embrace him, hug him on the spot. I could not. The presence of Gowri watching us put me in shambles. False pride took over my senses. What Gowri would think about me was more dominant. I whispered in pale smile, “Good morning, Manu.”
He lifted his pale face for few moments before putting it down. His voice was barely audible, “Morning.” He turned to step outside.
Apologetically I whispered again, “Sorry for being late to get up. Can you spare some time? I have something important to discuss with you. We have to go for an urgent medical check-up. Can you take off today?”
He stopped to listen to me. Without answering, he resumed his journey.
In desperation I shouted, “Why don’t you listen to me?”
He stopped and murmured without even looking at me, “There is nothing left for discussion. You have always taken your decisions independently. You will get what you want, immaterial of whether I like it or not. I will not come on your path.”
His wounded heart was clearly exposed. It touched my heart. I should have fallen to his feet seeking forgiveness. I did not. False pride overtook my senses again. Instead I whimpered, “Please Manu, believe me. Whatever you are thinking is not correct.”
This time his voice was clear. “Madam, please excuse me. If Amir Sir finds me speaking to you, I will be in trouble” and hurriedly he left. Did Gowri listen? I turned red on the prospect of her listening to our conversation. I was more worried about Gowri listening to us. I was more worried about my pride and prestige to Gowri than my husband’s pain& anguish!
Gowri hugged me in tight embrace apparently in consolation, “Didi, don’t worry. Manuda is a very genuine and nice person. He will definitely forgive us.”
Since when my husband had been transformed to Manuda from Manu I could not ascertain.
It was very clear, Manu granted me as property of Prem, his bitch. Manu could not be blamed for that. My slavish behaviour was reason for that. He did not believe me. Maybe he did not love me also any more. I had always considered his love unconditional!
Manu’s desperate voice of Last Friday was ringing in my brain, "I love you, Kavi.”
I laughed while replying, "Oh, I know, darling. I always have known it, even though you never say so. I love you too. See you later."
I had made a great error in judgement. My own despair surpassed his despair. I misbehaved with him.
And the pendant! Twice-- twice he had vehemently reacted observing tattoo with A.A on my body. His repugnance and revulsion on A.A was known. For him A.A was synonym with Amir Ali. It was incorrect but he believed it. I only made him to believe it.
First time Prem fixed tattoo after injuring Manu’s hand. He found it during bath and enquired, “Why A.A, Kavi?"
I replied angrily, "What do you mean 'why A.A Kavi'?"
"Your tattoo says A.A."
I was mentally disturbed that day. I replied in same mood, "I mentioned it was cute before both you and Prem. And he got it for me yesterday. I guess that's why he picked what the tattoo was, the letters.”
Manu was hoping to get it washed and as it did not, he used the earliest opportunity. That night he removed while we were in bed. He had to pay price for that. He was bullied for touching my body, his wife’s body. Prem had already claimed ownership of my body, his woman! I could not save Manu from physical torture.
Second time Prem fixed it after I shifted to his room. Manu had no physical access to his wife. By that time she was sole property of Prem, a woman for his carnal pleasure, his bitch. Finding tattoo he complained again. I mocked over his concern, "Oh you saw my new tattoo? Isn't it cute?"
He was sarcastic, "Very cute, Kavi. Especially, the letters in the middle of the heart."
I played evasive, "What letters?"
He was serious by then, "Don't pretend to me, Kavi. The letters A.A were in the middle of the heart and you know it, and I know you know it."
I took long time before answering. One part in my mind was asking me to reveal the truth.
Clearly he considered A.A as Amir Ali. His thought process touched my pride. My touchiness and ego overtook my consciousness. “What he thinks of me? How could he think that willingly I would adorn my body with a tattoo bearing Prem’s initials? If he could not believe me, let him not do so.”
I decided not to reveal the truth that day. Painfully I answered, "If that's what you think it says, Manu, then that's what it says."
I did not realise that I was sleeping with Prem like husband-wife. I did not realise on that day that Manu was not in right mind frame to differentiate the difference of my pronouncement. I made a monumental judgmental error. I continued committing errors after errors unabated. I continued testing his mental strength, his attachment, his love.
Unintentionally, I made a display on last Friday evening. I did make a mistake. I had forgotten the presence of it in my belly. Involuntarily, I tested his endurance. I could have clarified his doubt long back, at the first instance itself. I did not. Righteously, I was rejected. I was humiliated. My ill-conceived plan had backstabbed me!
Gowri and Prem left for work shortly after breakfast.
***
The first thing I wanted to do after Gowri left was shifting my luggage to Manus bedroom. It was not that easy as I thought. Thinking of Manu’s adverse reaction, I felt weakness in my mind. How easy it was to come out of this room. Returning could be so frightening I never imagined. I consoled myself with the optimism that he loved me. “I will beg for mercy. He loves me. He will not deny me. He will definitely forgive me.”
I packed my luggage and pulled them near to Manu’s bedroom. I dared not to pull inside in his absence. A strong retarding force unknown to me was holding my feet at the threshold of his room. I failed to explain myself my own behaviour. Finally, I decided to wait till his return. I shifted the luggage a bit distant of the door.
After lunch I called him hesitantly with apprehension of denial. His phone was switched off. Frantically, I remembered him saying in the morning, “I will not come on your path.” What actually he meant by it? I failed to judge his mental orientation. In last two months I had been isolated from him. It was my gift to my husband. I got scared and contacted his office.
“Mr Manu Sharma is busy in attending a seminar.” I got relieved of my tension.
I tried hard to visualise possible reasons for his discomposure. “My past behaviours cannot be undone immediately. But he is very understanding and accommodative. He loves me. He will easily understand my plight due to drug abuse. Slowly I have to regain his trust. The very cause of his discomfitures is to be cleared. Then only he will be free of tension for further discussion. Unless Prem is moved out, situation may not improve. There is every reason for him to feel insecure in presence of Prem.” I decided on that direction.
Not finding Prem return by evening, I called Gowri. I had news. She was euphoric over telephone. “Didi, Perm has been thrashed by his colleague. He may even be sacked from office.”
“What are saying Gowri? You must be daydreaming.” I tried to lightly blow away her enchanted joyfulness.
“Didi, I am with disciplinary committee. Will call you after the meeting.” She hung her phone.
She called me after half an hour.
The thrill in her voice was clear, “I know you can’t believe. In the morning after we reached office, I informed Prem in clear unambiguous authority of my decision to snap my relationship with him. First he did not take me seriously. Then after realising the truth, he demanded the reasons for my decision. I made him understand about his true characters. He could not digest. He was furious. He was shaking in anger. Some heated arguments followed. I cautioned him of severe consequences in the event of disturbing me in future and left him in his state. “
Now I was curious, “What happened next? Did he follow you?”
“Listen Didi, don’t interrupt. During tea interval, I was alone on my way back after tea when Prem approached me. Our arguments soon turned into an ugly affair. I accused him of bossism& psychopath and tried to escape. He was not ready to listen anything and forcing me to follow him by pulling my hands. I tried to make myself free without success. He was causing me pain. Mahesh, our colleague, was passing nearby. He intervened and politely requested Prem to release my hand. Prem shouted on Mahesh and cautioned him for not interfering in his personal matters. Finding opportunities I released my hands. Mahesh tried to explain gently, ‘Amir, this is office. You can’t misbehave with Gowri. When she is not willing, leave her. Forcing any woman is indecent behaviour.’”
“Prem was not ready to listen. He tried to pull me again by hands. This time may be because of presence of Mahesh, I was more courageous. I released my right hand and slapped Prem. He became furious. He captivated me. Mahesh objected Prem’s behaviour and requested repeatedly to release me. Mahesh tried to make me free from Prem’s clutches. Enraged, Prem kicked and pushed Mahesh to the ground. Mahesh quickly gained ground on his feet and made a fervent request for not crossing limit. This enraged Prem more. Finding Mahesh alone, he kicked him again and pulled my hand forcibly. I lost balance under sudden pulling and fell down on ground. In panicky, I let out a distress call.”
“Next it was turn for Mahesh to teach Prem fitting lesson. Mahesh’s right-hand fist landed on his nose. The left hander landed just above right eye. Before Prem toppled to ground, Mahesh’s right foot kick landed on his groin. Prem was reeling on ground panting in pain clutching his groin. Mahesh kicked his balls again, again and again. Prem was throbbing and panging on the ground in spasms. By this time other colleagues had arrived and struggled to separate Mahesh. Mahesh finished with a powerful kick on his face before forcefully taken away. Prem was bleeding on nose and mouth. He was promptly taken away for first aid. I presume he has lost a few front teeth. Mahesh was a black belt holder. Prem’s physical strength was no match to Mahesh’s swiftness.”
“Afternoon there was disciplinary committee meeting. CC TV footage clearly found fault with Prem intimidating me. Committee has recommended for termination of his services for violating atrocity of woman in work place. He has also been charged for unprovoked attacking to Mahesh.”
“Mahesh was ready to forgive Prem but I did not budge. He was on my feet begging for mercy and not to complain to security officer. It was a scene. Can you imagine Didi, Prem is weeping and begging holding his ear lobes. He has cheated me and played with my emotions. I will not allow it let go. I have decided in favour of security officer complaint.”
“I will share you the CCTV footages next time I meet you. Show them to Manuda.”
With a lot of hesitation she requested, “Didi, can I come to your house someday? I have to apologize to your husband. Any day and time will be ok. Please Didi, don’t say no.”
“You are welcome Gowri on any day. Just check we are at home.”
***
Late Evening Prem returned in dishevelled condition. There was dressing on his face right below eye. His angry attitude was missing. It was a definite slap on his alpha man ego. He was unable to lift his head. It amused me thinking that just last Friday, after receiving Gowri’s call, I feared him again to lose my honour and pride. I anticipated fresh threat from him. “You look nice Prem. It appears you barged into burglary in some shop. Or maybe you behaved like a rowdy touching somebody’s girlfriend.” I did not miss the opportunity humiliating him further.
“I met with an accident.” Prem meekly answered with lot of difficulties keeping his head down.
I mocked on his condition, “Accident? Where? Was it in the office? Was it painful Prem?” I waited for his answer. I rubbed more salt in his wound, sarcastically added, “Gowri was talking about it. She said you were panting in pain. I thought, you also have become another Vipul. Is it really painful Prem?”I saw his head further going down in shame.
I faced him with determination. I pulled my attention to Prem. My decision was over. It’s now time to act. I was not afraid of him anymore.
“Prem, you were to vacate today itself. Do you want me call security to evict you?” I kept my eyes fixed on him.
He murmured feebly, “I am sorry Kavi. Unfortunate events put me in troubles for full day. Tomorrow I will be gone. You won’t get any opportunity to complain further.” His difficulty on speaking was clear.
Avoiding any altercation, I answered in cold voice. “Don’t take my name in your filthy mouth. Presently, you are spared due to odd timings. I hope you remember and vacate at the earliest, by tomorrow morning before sunrise.”
Prem made a valiant request. “Please, allow me till noon. I have to complete packing.”
I straight way rejected his proposal. “No way, Prem.” After a quick thinking, I continued, “I can give time a couple of hours more. Tomorrow morning well before breakfast you should be gone. Else, you know, what I mean. “
Satirically I added, “If you find it difficult to pay hotel bills, beg to my husband. I will request him to honour my unwanted houseguest. “I did not hide my exasperation.
Prem must have understood his position. He agreed without any commotion. “This will not be necessary. I promise to vacate by tomorrow morning. I hope that will not be our last meeting.”
“I sincerely want tomorrow should be our last meeting. And listen carefully; from now onwards never try to keep contact with me or my husband on any pretext. Otherwise you may have to face consequences. Now get out of my sight!” I waited till Prem staggered slowly to disappear to his room and then I latched door from outside. I did not want to invite any risk from him.
I diverted my mind to my pathetic conditions. I wished my husband’s early return. How beautiful it would have been if Prem would not have been here. I had locked him in bedroom. I did not envisage any harm from him anymore. Still his presence in vicinity was causing irritation. I scolded myself for allowing Prem night stay.
***
Testing my anxiety and patience, Manu returned around midnight. He was different. He was not the same frustrated, confused, desperate and depressed Manu I had been seeing for last two months. Neither he was comparable with lack of confidence nor full of anxiety, which I had been associated with previous four years. He seemed to be relieved of his morning tension. There was no visible reaction on his face compared to morning. He did not lower his face seeing me as it was happening earlier. Still he did not look at me. He ignored my presence. He refused to acknowledge my existence. He removed his shoes mechanically before pacing to his room.
I called him from behind, “Manu, Please come for food after freshen up. I will worm them up.”
I decided not to be in hurry and explain the details in privacy. After getting freshened up he joined me in the dining hall. I tried to force a smile to him. He did not look at me. His stoic silence made me nervous further. We had our food in silence. Privacy of bedroom would definitely be better to discuss sensitive issues. Dr. Preethi had advised to approach carefully. I decided to wait for right opportunity to ponder.
When he finished washing his hands, I made request softly, “Manu, please don’t lock the door. I will be joining you.”
He stopped to face me. Firmly he spoke, “You better not.” He turned around to disappear in his room. Clearly he refused me. No longer did he love me. Maybe he loathed me presently. Fortunately, he did not lock the door.
By the time I joined him in bed after cleaning the dining and kitchen, he was snoring in deep sleep. I wanted to cuddle him but could not. An unknown fear and force forced me maintain distance. He was sleeping peacefully. A strange smile was clearly visible on his face. His posture and composure was clear indication of peace of his mind. I could not dislodge my sight from him. For past two and half months, this man had suffered for me. He could have easily deserted me. He could have abandoned me long back. Easily he could get a better woman than me in his life. He did not. He suffered everything for my safety and pride. What could have I done, if he left me? I had no option except taking my life. He saved my life sacrificing his. I could not sleep for long time thinking of my past.
***
I must have over slept. Finally, when I got up Manu was leaving. He was already outside of main door. Before I could approach, he closed the main door behind. I looked at the watch. He started his office, unusually one hour early. ‘Yesterday, full day, he was in seminar. There must be some urgent pending jobs need immediate attention,’ I reasoned.
Prem vacated house unceremoniously after Manu’s departure to office. I took possession of his albums, camera and his cell phone. Prem vehemently objected but accepted once I threatened to reach security officer. The moment he was out, I closed the main door. I should have done this long back, I thought.
I tried to reach Manu over phone, it was switched off. I continued my efforts on every fifteen minutes. Every time, I got response of same Status. Phone was switched off.
Fanatically, I called his office just before lunchtime.
Manu had resigned!
The news I was least expecting. The downfall had started. I only had sowed the seeds. I could not avoid but compared myself with a poisonous snake. My poison had spread over our relationship. Now it was swallowing my innocent husband.
I got perplexed.
While waiting anxiously for him I started planning my immediate task. ‘I should not talk about his resignation. First, he has to be brought out of his stigma. I have to win back his confidence. Manu will start believing me only after ensuring Prem is gone. It will not be an easy task to normalise him. I should not take any risk hurrying the matter. Dr. Preethi is a very good doctor. I will take her guidance. Tomorrow itself I will talk to her. I have to convince Manu for consultancy at the earliest.’
Later in the evening I prepared elaborate dinner. Late evening Manu was not back. Last evening also he was late. I was anxious for his safe return. This time, my mental turmoil surpassed previous record. Standing in balcony, I continued gazing on the road for any glimpse of his return. On every tiny sound I ran to hall to open the main door expecting him, only to be disappointed immediately. Time was passing at snail’s speed.
Time was almost 11 PM, Manu did not return. There was no response in office phone. I had no contact details of his office colleagues. I got scared. In panicky I phoned Gowri. I regained faith on her after seeing Prem’s debacle. I explained about the current developments. She must have understood my conditions. “Don’t worry Didi. Everything will be all right. I will try to reach you tonight else definitely by tomorrow morning.” Then she added to assure me further, “Prem was in the office post lunch. He was begging for not making any security officer complaint. I declined and made written complain. He deserves punishment.”
I was serious of reaching security officer when finally, Manu returned at midnight. He averted his look immediately seeing me on the door. He was looking very tired. He had been devastated. I was only responsible for all these. Forcibly I controlled my tears.
Closing the door, I took his hands in mine, “Please get freshened up. I will worm the food.”
Very slowly he released his hands from mine, sighed, “Amir Sir may not approve you touching me. He will be angry seeing us together.” He walked unsteadily in the direction of his bedroom. Tear drops rolled over my chick. Defeated and humiliated, I could not move. I stared at his slowly disappearing figure. Suddenly, I remembered at that point that he was unaware of Prem’s eviction.
I stopped him on the threshold of his room. I caught hold on his hand from behind, “Prem has left permanently. He will never come back.”
Manu was taken aback. He turned around to face me, to understand what I just said. He was looking at my face questioningly. I wiped my eyes and repeated in assurance,” Prem has left and will never come back to disturb us again. I have thrown him out of our house.”
His eyes sparkled. A faint smile appeared in his face. His lips quivered in anticipation. Hesitantly, he placed his both hands loosely on my shoulder and looked deep in my eyes. His unuttered question was very clear. He wanted to believe. He did not believe.
I nodded my head in assurance. I beamed in teary eyes, “Believe me. He will never disturb us.” I hugged him tightly. I placed my head on his chest. His hands slowly tightened me taking me in his grip. I realised what I was missing. I sensed my peace of mind was coming back. He had accepted me. He had forgiven me. There was nothing for me to worry. I closed my eyes in mental relief.
Then I heard sound of calling bell. It did reach my ear but not to my brain. I didn’t want to be disturbed. I ignored. Then it happened again. It rang three times with little gap. I felt Manu’s hand loosened over his grip. I lifted my face to look at him questioningly. Why he was disturbed at the sound of bell? It was not time to be disturbed by others. This time only belonged to us! I nodded my head in negation and gestured him to ignore. I placed my face again deeply buried in his chest and tightened my grip.
Then it happened. Calling bell rang persistently, almost nonstop. The nagging sound forced me to lift my face. I looked at him embezzled. Before Manu could answer calling bell rang again. He looked at the main door and again at my face questioningly. The sparkle in his eyes vanished. The bell rang again. I immediately remembered about Gowri. She earlier had informed me about her visit, knowing me in distress. Gowri must have come.
“Let me see. It must be Gowri.” I proceeded to open the door.
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