22-10-2020, 06:01 AM
28.4
Kavita:
Gowri exited.
I was now alone facing Dr. Preethi, again. ‘What’s new she has to inform me?’ I got tensed.
“In case you haven’t silenced your mobile, please do so right now. There should not be any disturbances.” Tone of Dr. Preethi had changed. She appeared to be very serious. I trembled in sudden panic.
She took her time to speak. “Are you a psychologist?”
“No doctor. Why do you think so?” My voice quivered.
“Then you must have studied human psychology extensively. Without profound knowledge of human psychology, you could not dare to plan and execute so meticulously. Accept the truth, Kavita.”
Her eyes were piercing into my eyes in search of the truth. I felt dwarfed in presence of her personality. There was no point of denying. I accepted.
My body convulsed while I quivered. “Yes doctor. I have studied human behavioral psychology.”
“I suspected it from the beginning. You knew more than me that your husband is not cuckold. Do you agree with me?”
“I suspected doctor. I got confused with his contradictory behaviors.” I pleaded with her.
Dr. Preethi continued ignoring my pleading. “You have studied your husband extensively. This made you confident that he will never leave you or commit suicide. You were also sure that he will never approach security officer. While progressing to achieve your goal, you must have maintained a ray of hope in his mind in such a way, that he does not get affected by absolute desperation.”
She continued after a brief pause, “You were so absorbed to manipulate your husband; you have paid your absolute attention on him. In the process you have committed some serious errors. Beginning with, you have left your boyfriend untouched. You considered him to remain as a puppet and will continue to play in the tune of your orchestra. You became complacent. You overlooked his changed behavior, I presume.”
“The second blunder is that you have neglected yourself. You did not visit your mind in changed scenario. Most probably you are afraid of yourself. You lacked courage to face your mind. You avoided to face the naked truth.”
“A newly married couple, indulge in penetrative sex very regularly, in the beginning of relationship. The frequency of copulation decreases as the time passes. The normal frequency will be two to three per week. In your case it was seven days per week excluding the blowjob part. Also the vaginal sex duration is quite longer than average. Half an hour every day is very high on any platform.”
“Don’t you find it highly abnormal, Kavita? Dr Preethi roared.
After allowing me some time to answer, she continued, “You have not come to confirm your husband’s cuckoldry. You know very well, he is not a cuckold. Am I correct, Kavita?”Dr Preethi zoomed in her conclusion.
Observing my silence for a long period, she softened. “You are yet to disclose your main purpose of visit. “
I mumbled in whimper, “My marital relationship has totally been destroyed. My behaviors have changed a lot in recent times. Physical desires have overtaken my emotions. I am not able to cope up with my physical urge. My social and personal life is at stake. I have no control over my body and mind. Thought of physical intimacy is consuming majority of times. I have been preoccupied with intense sexual fantasies. I feel some kind of irresistible sexual urges. Presently, I do such things which I never imagined doing earlier. I feel driven to perform certain sexual behaviors, get a release of the tension, but also feel guilt or remorse afterwards. I have failed to control my desires repeatedly. Sometimes, I feel like ending my life.” My upper body collapsed on the table in terrible spasm while I wept continuously.
Dr Preethi left me on myself. She allowed me to regain my composure. She requested me to get freshened up in the washroom. When I was back, she was waiting for me with coffee. We had our coffee silently.
Dr Preethi started in resounding voice. “I will be disclosing something, which, I am sure you are not aware. Kavita, if I am not wrong, you are in grave danger. Your blood sample contains abnormally high percentage of dopamine and Norepinephrine. You are suffering with ‘Compulsive sexual behavior’.”
I acknowledged my inability to follow her. “I am not getting you, doctor.”
I will explain. “Both Dopamine and Norepinephrine are important for sexual excitement. Dopamine has a role in boosting sexual desire. Norepinephrine has a role in promoting sexual arousal. Flibanserin is also called Addyi and is available in pill form. Concentration of Dopamine and Norepinephrine increases in blood when a person is dosed with Addyi.”
“Compulsive sexual behaviour is sometimes called hyper sexuality, hyper sexuality disorder or sexual addiction. It's an excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges or behaviours that is difficult to control, causes you distress, or negatively affects your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life.
“Compulsive sexual behaviour may involve a variety of commonly enjoyable sexual experiences. Examples include excessive masturbation, cybersex, multiple sexual partners, use of pornography or paying for sex. When these sexual behaviours become a major focus in your life, are difficult to control, and are disruptive or harmful to you or others, they may be considered compulsive sexual behaviour.”
“No matter what it's called or the exact nature of the behaviour, untreated compulsive sexual behaviour can damage your self-esteem, relationships, career, health and other people. But with treatment and self-help, you can learn to manage compulsive sexual behaviour.”
Compulsive sexual behaviour can have many negative consequences that affect both you and others. You may, Struggle with feelings of guilt, shame and low self-esteem; Develop other mental health conditions, such as depression, suicide, severe distress and anxiety; Neglect or lie to your partner and family, harming or destroying meaningful relationships; Lose your focus or engage in sexual activity or search internet pornography at work, risking your job; Accumulate financial debts buying pornography and sexual services; Contract HIV, hepatitis or another sexually transmitted infection or pass a sexually transmitted infection to someone else; Engage in unhealthy substance use, such as using recreational drugs or drinking excessive alcohol
The worst, you may be arrested for sexual offenses.”
“As I have already pointed out, your blood sample contains abnormally high percentage of Dopamine and Norepinephrine. This clearly indicates your blood is dosed with sexual stimulating drugs. How you are being dosed regularly, you must find out at the earliest. Are you taking sexual stimulating drugs of your own?”
I could assess the gravity of the revelation. “No doctor. I even did not know about the presence of such drugs.” In trembling voice, I pleaded my ignorance.
“Is there any possibility of someone can mix drug in your food or beverages?” She inquired.
“Not possible doctor. I cook my food myself.”
“Do you eat any candy regularly?”
“No doctor”
“What measures have you taken against pregnancy?”
“I am on contraceptive pills, doctor.”
“Do you have pills with you? I can get it checked.”
I opened my handbag and pulled the strip out of my handbag. After physically examining, she called attendant to hand over the strip.
“And you are not taking any other medicines regularly except contraceptives pills. This can be a source if adulterated. Please remember the source of procurement of pills. Is it possible for anyone to gain physical access to your pills?”
“I only purchased the pills from medical shop one week prior to Prem’s arrival. They are kept on the cupboard of our hall. Normally I take one pill from the stock every day after lunch. Anybody in the house can access them with prior knowledge. Do you suspect any foul play doctor? Do you suspect Prem?”
Ignoring my queries, she continued her questions, “Do you remember any change in your sexual desire after Prem’s arrival? Think and tell Kavita. It’s very important.”
“I did observe some discomfort in me after a few days of Prem’s arrival. It appeared my desire for physical pleasure increased. I thought it may be because of my suppressed sexuality for years and will diminish in short period. My gynecologist suggested it could be some side effects of contraceptive pills. I did not give much attention over it thereafter. Now only I understand the reason for my irresistible physical desire for sex. It means Prem replaced my pills with drug. Observing my medicines in disrupted condition, I presumed my husband’s hand. I ignored any possibilities of Prem’s involvement. Oh my God! What have I done?”The new found knowledge had shaken my basic existence.
“You should have approached security officer immediately after knowing Prem was bullying Manu. I understand your physical constraints and sexual slavery due to drug effects. Even if we consider your husband is a cuckold, he is a human after all. This can’t explain your cold passiveness on the incidents of physical abetment.”
I burst into tears. “Doctor! Can you please save my husband? His sufferings are all because of me. He is in danger. I don’t know how to save him.” I could not suppress my anxiety.
“I will try. You must tell the truth. Unless you come out clearly, we can’t asses the danger level. Kavita, please don’t hide anything. May be we are already late. “
“Can I believe you doctor? “
She put her hand on my head, “You can. You are like my daughter. You are assured of my all support.”
“You will hate me doctor after knowing everything. “
“I will not. I never hate my patients. You are my daughter now. How can I hate my daughter? Now open up yourself. Don’t waste any more time.”
*****
Painfully I narrated my ordeal.
“I had met Prem in college. Prem was a masculine and handsome person; a real man. His sex appeal was awesome. His actual name is Amir Ali. His appearance was similar to Salman Khan, young, aggressive and hunky. With regular exercises, he used to maintain muscular physique like body builders. He always maintained relationship with multiple girls. He was nicknamed Prem in the college due to his weakness and inclination towards girls. Like many girls, I had crush on his manliness. Photography was his passion. I fell for his physical charm. We developed short duration physical relationship. I had no attachment. Within a short period, I could come out of his attractions. All these happened when I was in third year of engineering and Prem was in second year.”
“I had snapped all contacts with him since then till our relocation to Bangalore. After passing out of college I took job and within two years I got married to Manu Sharma from Delhi working in US. We stayed in US before shifting to Bangalore. Prem established contacts with me again. Though I had snapped my relationship with him, I never disliked him. He requested for guest accommodation in our house for few months. He explained our house will be logistically better located for his assignment and also financially rewarding. He claimed to be coming to Bangalore for first time and will be difficult to find suitable accommodation for few months. I accepted his logic and invited him.”
“When Prem arrived in our house, I had no intensions of becoming physical. Within short time of his arrival, I started feeling an irresistible desire to become physical. It all started with Prem occasionally touching me innocuously. I could observe growing insecurity in eyes of my husband. He was of frail body type and weak personality. I think Prem also observed his insecurity. I, sometimes, joined Prem to tease my husband innocently. On immediate Saturday, I had been to a movie with Prem while my husband was on duty. On return we observed my husband coming out of Prem’s room. He had skipped his office. Next day morning, Prem had one to one discussion with my husband. I still don’t know, what exactly transpired between them. Now, I think Prem had bullied him to coerce. My husband was always evasive. Prem informed me, my husband was a cuckold and wimp in concealing outfit of male frame. He prefers to be feminine. He was not able to express his mind out of shame. It was a shock for me. To my dismay, my husband accepted feminine dresses without protest. “
“Prem was becoming bold. He started touching me inappropriately in presence of my husband. He meekly accepted Prem’s advances. I was losing my resistances, now I know, due to drug effect. Eventually, I submitted to Prem’s advances. We resumed our physical relationship. Prem coerced me with the help of old photographs to expose myself not only within family but also to the outer world. He simultaneously continued bullying my husband. He injured left hand of my husband making him temporarily handicapped. He created terror in my mind. On pretext of Ac repair, he forced us to call his known gang in the house. That day I was forced to dress seductively. The crew members were introduced with us. Prem forcefully initiated sex immediately on completion of repair when one of the crew members Pervez returned to find me in compromising position. I succumbed to the fear of my social status. Finally, he compelled me to shift to his bedroom. I could not explain my compulsion to my husband out of trepidation. I resorted to falsifying him with lack of attachment for me. I construed the three weeks of his silence on my adultery relationship as a weapon against him.”
“My shifting to Prem’s bedroom helped me in two ways. I could successfully stop him bullying my husband and exposing me obscenely to outer world. I knew, I had to find out a solution to come out of Prem’s clutches. I was afraid of reaching security officer for two reasons. I had no proof of Prem’s wrongdoings and was afraid of my intimate illicit photos reaching social circuits. Without any proof he will walk out scot free but I will be ruined. I was also constantly worried of my wanton desire to sexual gratification.”
“Within 7 weeks of Prem’s arrival, Gowri made her first visit to our house on weekend. They were engaged. Next Monday, Prem assaulted my husband on pretext of my husband contacting Gowri. The very reason of my husband trying to contact Gowri was not clear. I was afraid. I debarred my husband doing same again in fear of his life. I presumed Gowri to be one of the abettors of Prem.”
“Immediately next weekend Prem contemplated me to share his room with Gowri. I was forced to do so. To my knowledge, my husband was not being bullied since I shifted. He continued adhering to sissy clothing. Incidentally, he was even found eves dropping. His cuckoldry cemented in my mind. Subsequently, Gowri continued visiting my place on weekends; I could not believe her completely, though, till now I did not find anything suspicious with her. I see everything attached with Prem on suspicious note. “
“When Gowri proposed for medical consultation, I got suspicious. In the beginning, I even could not believe you also. I thought it may be another conspiracy.”
We remained silent for some period. Dr Preethi broke the silence sarcastically.
“Bravo Kavita, great! So, you appreciated the brute force, arrogances, and animalistic sexual powers are the qualities of ‘REAL MAN’”. A real man should be cheater, selfish, self centered, mean, stubborn, manipulative, diabolical, pervert, and sadist to be worshipped by you. So, this is your taste!”
I kept my head down.
She continued her sarcasm, “It’s a pity that educated women like you have no respect for love, honesty, faithfulness, responsibility, decency, caring, trustworthy etc. We should go back to pre-civilized world where there was no society. Humanity should take back seat in so called modern world. The increased raape and all kind of atrocities and sexual offences against women are direct consequences due to irresponsible and provoked behaviors by women like you. It is not the men who are abusing womanhood unilaterally; it is the women especially like you are only responsible to create filthy images of women in society leading to increased autocracies and crime against women. Women of your types are dangerous to the society. And you people claim to be educated!”
Dr Preethi stopped briefly. I did not dare to look at her. I could sense the seriousness in her voice when she resumed, “I can understand the psychological distress you were facing out of unsatisfying sexual urge. I can also understand your physical constraints. You have right on your sexuality. You have right to select your partner and copulate. But not at the expense of other’s right. Responsibility and rights are not independent. You cannot claim your rights without fulfilling your responsibility. You had many options. You could have divorced your husband and demanded alimony. You could go for sex toys. You could have kept your affairs secret, though I don’t recommend. You did not. You contemplated your husband into cuckoldry. To achieve your goal, you conspired with your lover to mortify your husband. You forced him to suffer physically and mentally for only reason that he could not satisfy you in bed. Now your sexual needs are quenched by your lover. Then, why your husband has to continue to suffer? What about his rights? What mistakes has he done except blindly loving you? Is he not a human? Why did you do this to him Kavita? Why? Why? Answer me, Kavita.”
The anger was building in her. She was crushing me with her words. She was angry just by listening. What, if she had witnessed me to perform? Most probably, she could have killed me. I rightly deserved so. I came out of my trance by her continued fire.
“Did you ever try to find out the reasons your husband tolerated everything? He could have easily divorced you and get re-married easily. He earns handsome. He could have approached security officer. He did not because he loved you. I appreciate your reward in return. Do you think your parents will support you? You knew the type of person Prem was. Knowingly, you allowed a predator to invade in your life. You were pretty aware of Prem’s bullying and forcing your husband into forced cuckoldry. And you came here for my ramification. Shame on you, Kavita. “
I had nothing to say. Again, silence fell in the room except for some unsteady footsteps. Then I sensed her approaching me by her footsteps. Dr Preethi forced my face up placing her hand under my chin. Directly staring at my eyes, she shrilled, “Go and sleep with your boyfriend. I only request you to give divorce to your husband. This should not be a problem, I presume. Why to make him suffer when you never loved him. He is not going to complain against you.”
I broke down in tears, “No, doctor, no. I love him. I do accept whatever you have said. Trust me, I love my husband. Believe me I never stopped loving him.”
I was interrupted by Dr. Preethi. Her voice had become increasingly strident, “Love! Do you understand what love is? Don’t misuse the word. Love is for sacrifice without expecting any return. What sacrifice have you made that you claim your love? Ask yourself, you will get the answer. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hate myself discussing ‘Love’ with you.” Her irritation and frustration were very clear.
“You are a manipulative, filthy, cruel, pervert and sadist woman. As a doctor, I can try to correct cruelty of a person if it is mental disorder; I am helpless when it is deliberate and premeditated. I am sorry I can’t help you unless you change yourself. Now you may leave Kavita. I find your presence suffocating. “ Dr. Preethi abruptly left the consultancy room leaving me alone in my wretched state.
***
Minutes ticked away. I could only weep. I am indeed a manipulative, filthy, cruel, pervert and sadist woman. To achieve my unrealistic, immoral goal, I had scapegoated my husband. To cover up a sin, I continued to commit sins again and again. Manu had to bear the brunt of the sins I have committed. He was being punished for the crimes I was punishable.
After some time, Dr. Preethi came back to hold my hands in her. She had regained her composure. She was apologetic, “I am very sorry Kavita, for my rudeness. Momentarily I lost my temper; I behaved in most unbecoming way of a doctor. You are my patient and I should not have behaved in the manner I did. Please forgive me.”
I touched her feet. “Please don’t apologize. I deserved this. I should have come to you earlier. I want to undo my sins. I have to regain trust of my husband. Kindly bless me. “
She put her hand on my head in assurance, “God bless you. Be positive. Everything will be all right.”
She helped me occupying my chair and went back to her chair.
“I think Prem had made his plan long before he stepped into your house.”
“Gowri is a young tamilian woman working in Bangalore, away from her families. She is staying alone here. So, she must be courageous and modern also. Otherwise she could not start relationship defying her religion and family. She must be habituated to speak unknown persons. Her reactions against your husband’s phone call grow suspicion. Your husband was not unknown to her. He was her host during her stay in your house. Rather than understanding the purpose of your husband’s phone, her continued silence for long time is not normal behavior on her part. She had enough opportunity to clear herself with your husband.”
“There are other aspects also. Prem proposed Gowri. She accepted his proposal. They are adult modern, young persons. They wanted to become physical. So, Prem brought her to your house to spend some nights to have sex with her. All this happened within a span of 7 weeks of Prem’s arrival in Bangalore. Prem is a womanizer, possessing great skills to seduce women. Absolutely fine; so far nothing abnormal for an alpha man. Next week she visited again to your house. This time she accepted acting with another woman, with whom she is introduced only a few days ago to give psychological pleasure to your husband at the advice of her fiancé. Lightning fast submission. Remember, Gowri is not yet married, just engaged. Even in socially progressive, developing, countries also, women do not behave so fast in this matter. This is possible, if they had acquaintances from earlier times or have some other purposes. This clearly indicates Prem had visited Bangalore earlier also and he knows Gowri for a long time.”
I asked in surprise, “If Gowri is involved in the conspiracy, why did she encourage me to come here?”
“I am also in search of exact reasons of her behavior. Quite possible, she does not want to harm you. She considers you a good friend. May be for some reasons, she is contemplating revenge against Prem. I have checked blood sample of Gowri. Her blood is not contaminated with sex drugs. She may not have any role in your Drugs. But at present, she is not above doubt.”
“Anyway, there are other reasons for me to believe that Prem has visited Bangalore earlier also. Remember the day of A/c repair. Contact no of repair agency was supplied by Prem. You were introduced to a person named ‘Pervez’ of his community. Prem was known to all the crew members. Afterwards Pervez discovered you both in compromising position while he returned back shortly to retrieve some forgotten tools. It appears to me the whole incident was preplanned rather than coincidental.”
“The logic behind my resolution goes like this. Prem is a photographer came to Bangalore for the first time to attend some course. For him getting in contact with some A/c mechanic is not impossible. The suspicious part is remembering his phone no and recommending him for repair of A/c. Prem must have known Pervez for a long time. I won’t be surprised if Pervez happens to be his secret, illegal narcotics business partner. Also on repair day, Prem forced you to dress seductively and introduced yourself with the crew members. He did it purposefully. He successfully demonstrated his domination over you to your husband as well as to the repair crews whom he knew very well for a long time.”
“So, Prem’s claim to come to Bangalore for first time is false. You should have understood this long back, had you kept your eyes open. He could make alternate accommodation easily. He preferred to stay at your house for purpose. He had fixed a target on you. It was not for sex only. Being a thriving womanizer, he was habituated of getting plenty of sex since college days. He had Gowri with him for his immediate sexual gratification. He could have arranged other women also to quench his physical needs. So, sex was not only reason for Prem to make you drug addict or bullying your husband. These drugs are banned in India for selling and purchasing. Mere possession can put you behind bar. Prem knows very well the extent of risk it carries by any complain from you or your husband to security officer. It is not comprehensible that Prem has taken so much risk just for the sake of sex only. Bullying, humiliating Manu and exposing you vulgarly may be outcome of his perverse, sadist mentality. However, making you sex drug addict does not fit the simple equation.”
“All these indicate his intention to trap you in his secret business. Once you are sufficiently addicted, you will remain his sex slave for lifelong. Additionally, it will be easy to get you involved in under world activities. Once you are implicated, you will never complain to security officer for your own safety. “
Dr Preethi looked at me quizzing for some period as if she tried to read my mind. She asked me softly, “Did Prem share you with anybody so far? Or at least some hints?”
“No doctor.”
“If my intuitions are correct, very shortly you may face this reality also.“ Can you show me the pendant of your belly ring?”
I looked at her surprisingly. Gowri has informed her about it. I fetched the pendant from my hand bag and handed over to her.
“Since when are you using belly ring?”
“During college days I used to.”
“Does A.A. stand for Amir Ali?”
“Prem thinks so, as well my husband also.”
“I see. Earlier also you wore the same pendant?”
I smiled faintly, “Yes doctor.”
She looked at the pendant closely and became sad, “Whom do you want to deceive, Kavita, Prem, your husband or yourself?”
I did not understand her expression. “I am not getting you. “
Dr Preethi explained further, “I can guess. Mostly it will be right. Correct me if I am wrong. During your college days, Prem had seen you wear this pendant engraved with A.A. as a token of your submission to him. You did not specifically clarify different meaning to Prem that time. You allowed him to be photographed with pendant on for his album. This time also he was enjoying your uninhibited submission. As a token of your submission he pestered you to put on the same pendant. Am I correct Kavita?”
I accepted her views, “Yes doctor. “
“What you don’t know is that Prem must have shown your husband the picture of your college days. If you get proper opportunity, inquire with your husband. You will know the truth.”
I confirmed her perception, “I know doctor., Prem has already presented my college day’s photographs to my husband. I don’t know, what exactly Prem is gaining out of this?”
Dr Preethi was sad at the revelations, “He is benefitted immensely. Prem derives sadistic pleasure out of people’s pain and humiliation. The more peoples are in distress, the more he enjoys. From the very beginning Prem wanted to break your husband physically and psychologically. You extended full support to achieve his goal. Your husband had to fight with three opponents continuously. No one was self. No two was Prem and no three was his wife. Yes, Gowri also added some hurdles in his fight at later stage.”
My head was already down.
“Your husband was clueless on his future. Every moment he feared to lose his wife. But he never gave up. He was clear in his mind that unless Prem leaves the house, he cannot get back his wife. He must be persistent with his wife without success. He decided to accept his wife’s all demands to make his claim clear. Unfortunately, his efforts only created negative impact in his wife’s mind. Am I right, Kavita? “
I simply nodded my head in affirmative.
“Prem is immensely benefited from your husband’s destruction. He has beaten up your husband mercilessly in presence of you citing flimsy reason. Prem was happy seeing your indifferent attitude towards your husband. His plan was generating results. He came up with some evil plan to break your husband’s mental strength completely. He displayed past photographs of you with belly button pendant engraved with A, A.. Presently he forced you to wear belly button engraved with A.A. You meekly surrendered to his plan. You complied with without realizing the implications. By this Prem successfully painted a picture of your continuance slavery and submission starting from college days to present time in your husband’s mind. Your husband is made to believe that his wife was truly never his. Since college days, she belonged to her lover. Your husband is trying to trespass in other’s territory in a makeshift marriage. “
Suddenly Dr. Preethi came near me to lift my chin up.
“I hope you have made a proud display of your pendant to your husband?”
I lowered my face without answering.
Her voice mystified; “Now the consequences will follow. The belly is synonym with uterus. I won’t blame your husband if he reflects your belly ring pendant as your willingness to get pregnant by Prem. You are lucky not to get pregnant during your un-protective sex with Prem. Yes, it is confirmed. Your pills do contain sex drugs except the last three pills which are inactive. Can you imagine, how much stressful it would have been for your husband, knowing his wife is pregnant by somebody else other than himself. He will perish. He is definitely going to lose his mental stability unless he ends his life.”
She took a long pause. Then in broken voice she announced, “The decision is yours, how do you desire to make and end.”
I begged for her mercy. I begged for life of my husband. I was all in tears. “Doctor., please help me to come out of danger. Please help my husband to live.”
Dr. Preethi consoled me, “Kavita, please come to sense. This is not the time to be remorseful on grieves. This is time for firm decision unless you decide otherwise. You have a few choices. Easiest of all is continuing your affairs with your boyfriend without bothering for your husband. Other choices are difficult to achieve. You can save yourself or your husband or your relationship. You have no care for your husband and relationship. So I will confine my discussion on your safety only”
I intervened, “Please doctor, please, help my husband to safety. Will my surrender to security officer be helpful?”
Dr. Preethi was prompt to intervene, “Please do it if you are not yet satisfied tormenting your husband and fascinated to see him behind bars. Do you have any proof? You won’t be able to prove Prem’s involvement. Rather Prem may bring reverse charge against both of you. Your husband will be erroneously proved in coercing revenge against Prem. Your husband may accept also same from deep depression.”
She explained further, “This should not be your first priority at present, I believe. Proving Prem’s crime may not be easy. You don’t possess any definite prove to punish him right now. Moreover, your active involvement in tormenting your husband will put you under arrest. Remember, you don’t enjoy your husband’s trust anymore. You cannot deny your responsibility. Your husband also may be implicated in some way. Proving his innocence will be a difficult task. I don’t envisage, your surrender will achieve any positive results. We also don’t know the exact motive of Prem. Rather, I advise for a different approach.”
She thought for a while before suggesting, “Most important is to improve your relationship with your husband. You must tell him the truth detailing your captivity. You have to gain back his trust & confidence in you. Once you are successful, slowly, he will start believing you. This may take time. Be prepared for receiving all kind of adverse reactions from him. This is natural. You have to ensure highest degree of patience in your all activities. Any small mistake in your part can lead to devastating situations. At the same time, you need improvement in your personal front. Treatment related to your Compulsive Sexual Disorder should not be neglected.”
“All above are feasible, only when your husband is out of influence of Prem. You can always ask him to vacate your house. If required, get help from your security guards or neighbors’. He will not be that much idiot to refuse to comply with. With my experience, I can confirm, persons like Prem are generally coward, though they gloat over their false bravery by way of arrogance. Our weak minds are camouflaged with this false pride of arrogance as heroism. They internalize upon weakness of their victims. He may try to coerce you by false statement of publishing your intimate photos or videos. This will be a definite proof against him, if he happens to indulge in such activities. Even possessing of incrementing documents related to privacy of others are punishable acts as per law. Try to maintain your composure while dealing with Prem. Record your conversations and be firm and unambiguous in instructions. You may forge his sensitive documents and equipment for your safety. But, never destroy anything. They may provide vital clue to establish your claims.”
“Sexual offences against women are not new in the society. Unfortunately, women submit easily in fear of social stigma. Fear of seeing a naked picture on any social media site or elsewhere can shake even the hardest soul. Blackmailing is a form of emotional abuse, and like all abuses, it is about power and control. A person who uses this tactic wants to make you afraid of some consequence to get you to do what he wants. Merely by submitting to the threat will never neutralize the threat. Don’t let shame and blame stop you from getting help. This is not at all acceptable from educated women. Unless, you people come out protesting, this evil social offence will never reduce and offenders will continue their offences.”
“Prem had blackmailed you without leaving any proof. Still, you had multiples options to neutralizing the threat. First, you should have taken into confidence your family and friends. They are always with you for your safety. You could have surrendered to your husband also. Second, you should have contacted security officer indicating for possible threat. Third, you could hire a criminal lawyer for proper guidance. Your option is still open to consult a criminal lawyer. He will give you proper guidance and help you to neutralize the threat legally. He may find out ways to punish Prem for his heinous crime. Saying so, in my opinion your priority should focus on rectifying your own mistakes rather than finding faults with others. Think positive. Bring your husband for consultancy at the earliest. Presently, I advice you not to share your new found knowledge in details with your husband also. He may not be in proper mental condition to appreciate your goodwill confessions. His knowledge should be updated in systematic manner to avoid shock. Better you take help from professionals.”
I simply kept quite on her guidance in acceptance.
“Do you have any more questions, Kavita?”
I asked her with deep concerns, “Will he be able to come back to normal state? Will he ever believe me?”
She expressed her sympathy, “I am sorry Kavita; I can’t assure anything without consulting him. He needs immediate attention. May be he has already crossed the endurance level. Don’t wait for appointment. Bring him at the earliest. He appears to be a psychologically strong man as per my analysis. I don’t envisage to a large extent problems for his returning to normalcy with your cooperation. Yes, I am sorry to say, at certain point of desperation; patients may reach to a point of no return. Hope, he is not. Can I expect your unconditional support?”
I nodded my head in affirmative, “I will do anything you suggest, doctor.”
Dr. Preethi handed over me a prescription.
She stressed,” I prefer you stop all sorts of drugs including birth control pills and enroll for treatment. Any delay may cause your life threat. Even the possibility of your husband also being dosed with some other drugs cannot be ruled out. Try to adhere to the medicines prescribed here religiously. Within a week the physical uneasiness and horniness will subside. Abstain from any kind of sexual activities for at least two months. If possible, don’t allow any kind of sexual thoughts in your mind, till such period, you find yourself free of physical constraint. I will advise you to move to your parents or in-laws place for a speedy recovery. Come back for review checkup after a week.”
I got up from my seat. She walked near me and handed over me her personal card.
“You can always contact me over phone in my personal no. How you are planning to shape your life is in your hand. May God bless you and give you courage. Good night.”
I thanked her and walked out of consultancy room. Dr. Preethi followed me closely behind.
******
“Can I make a request to you Kavita?” I heard Dr. Preethi’s voice behind me. I turned around to face her again. She was not looking at me. Her sight was aimed to my feet.
She took my hand in her, “Love is the supreme of all emotions we possess. It can’t be forced on anyone. If you can’t love your husband, don’t love. Help him to get freedom from his infatuation. Don’t kill him. Please allow him to live.”
Without waiting for my answer, she left hurriedly. Did I see tears in her eyes? I am not sure. I sensed something in my hand. The pendant engraved with A.A. was in my hand.
I got petrified.
Gowri waked me up from my frozen tranquility, “Didi, let’s go.”
I looked at the pendant. It did not have any purpose. I discarded the pendent in nearby dustbin before coming out of clinic. Gowri joined me after a while.
End of Chapter 28
Kavita:
Gowri exited.
I was now alone facing Dr. Preethi, again. ‘What’s new she has to inform me?’ I got tensed.
“In case you haven’t silenced your mobile, please do so right now. There should not be any disturbances.” Tone of Dr. Preethi had changed. She appeared to be very serious. I trembled in sudden panic.
She took her time to speak. “Are you a psychologist?”
“No doctor. Why do you think so?” My voice quivered.
“Then you must have studied human psychology extensively. Without profound knowledge of human psychology, you could not dare to plan and execute so meticulously. Accept the truth, Kavita.”
Her eyes were piercing into my eyes in search of the truth. I felt dwarfed in presence of her personality. There was no point of denying. I accepted.
My body convulsed while I quivered. “Yes doctor. I have studied human behavioral psychology.”
“I suspected it from the beginning. You knew more than me that your husband is not cuckold. Do you agree with me?”
“I suspected doctor. I got confused with his contradictory behaviors.” I pleaded with her.
Dr. Preethi continued ignoring my pleading. “You have studied your husband extensively. This made you confident that he will never leave you or commit suicide. You were also sure that he will never approach security officer. While progressing to achieve your goal, you must have maintained a ray of hope in his mind in such a way, that he does not get affected by absolute desperation.”
She continued after a brief pause, “You were so absorbed to manipulate your husband; you have paid your absolute attention on him. In the process you have committed some serious errors. Beginning with, you have left your boyfriend untouched. You considered him to remain as a puppet and will continue to play in the tune of your orchestra. You became complacent. You overlooked his changed behavior, I presume.”
“The second blunder is that you have neglected yourself. You did not visit your mind in changed scenario. Most probably you are afraid of yourself. You lacked courage to face your mind. You avoided to face the naked truth.”
“A newly married couple, indulge in penetrative sex very regularly, in the beginning of relationship. The frequency of copulation decreases as the time passes. The normal frequency will be two to three per week. In your case it was seven days per week excluding the blowjob part. Also the vaginal sex duration is quite longer than average. Half an hour every day is very high on any platform.”
“Don’t you find it highly abnormal, Kavita? Dr Preethi roared.
After allowing me some time to answer, she continued, “You have not come to confirm your husband’s cuckoldry. You know very well, he is not a cuckold. Am I correct, Kavita?”Dr Preethi zoomed in her conclusion.
Observing my silence for a long period, she softened. “You are yet to disclose your main purpose of visit. “
I mumbled in whimper, “My marital relationship has totally been destroyed. My behaviors have changed a lot in recent times. Physical desires have overtaken my emotions. I am not able to cope up with my physical urge. My social and personal life is at stake. I have no control over my body and mind. Thought of physical intimacy is consuming majority of times. I have been preoccupied with intense sexual fantasies. I feel some kind of irresistible sexual urges. Presently, I do such things which I never imagined doing earlier. I feel driven to perform certain sexual behaviors, get a release of the tension, but also feel guilt or remorse afterwards. I have failed to control my desires repeatedly. Sometimes, I feel like ending my life.” My upper body collapsed on the table in terrible spasm while I wept continuously.
Dr Preethi left me on myself. She allowed me to regain my composure. She requested me to get freshened up in the washroom. When I was back, she was waiting for me with coffee. We had our coffee silently.
Dr Preethi started in resounding voice. “I will be disclosing something, which, I am sure you are not aware. Kavita, if I am not wrong, you are in grave danger. Your blood sample contains abnormally high percentage of dopamine and Norepinephrine. You are suffering with ‘Compulsive sexual behavior’.”
I acknowledged my inability to follow her. “I am not getting you, doctor.”
I will explain. “Both Dopamine and Norepinephrine are important for sexual excitement. Dopamine has a role in boosting sexual desire. Norepinephrine has a role in promoting sexual arousal. Flibanserin is also called Addyi and is available in pill form. Concentration of Dopamine and Norepinephrine increases in blood when a person is dosed with Addyi.”
“Compulsive sexual behaviour is sometimes called hyper sexuality, hyper sexuality disorder or sexual addiction. It's an excessive preoccupation with sexual fantasies, urges or behaviours that is difficult to control, causes you distress, or negatively affects your health, job, relationships or other parts of your life.
“Compulsive sexual behaviour may involve a variety of commonly enjoyable sexual experiences. Examples include excessive masturbation, cybersex, multiple sexual partners, use of pornography or paying for sex. When these sexual behaviours become a major focus in your life, are difficult to control, and are disruptive or harmful to you or others, they may be considered compulsive sexual behaviour.”
“No matter what it's called or the exact nature of the behaviour, untreated compulsive sexual behaviour can damage your self-esteem, relationships, career, health and other people. But with treatment and self-help, you can learn to manage compulsive sexual behaviour.”
Compulsive sexual behaviour can have many negative consequences that affect both you and others. You may, Struggle with feelings of guilt, shame and low self-esteem; Develop other mental health conditions, such as depression, suicide, severe distress and anxiety; Neglect or lie to your partner and family, harming or destroying meaningful relationships; Lose your focus or engage in sexual activity or search internet pornography at work, risking your job; Accumulate financial debts buying pornography and sexual services; Contract HIV, hepatitis or another sexually transmitted infection or pass a sexually transmitted infection to someone else; Engage in unhealthy substance use, such as using recreational drugs or drinking excessive alcohol
The worst, you may be arrested for sexual offenses.”
“As I have already pointed out, your blood sample contains abnormally high percentage of Dopamine and Norepinephrine. This clearly indicates your blood is dosed with sexual stimulating drugs. How you are being dosed regularly, you must find out at the earliest. Are you taking sexual stimulating drugs of your own?”
I could assess the gravity of the revelation. “No doctor. I even did not know about the presence of such drugs.” In trembling voice, I pleaded my ignorance.
“Is there any possibility of someone can mix drug in your food or beverages?” She inquired.
“Not possible doctor. I cook my food myself.”
“Do you eat any candy regularly?”
“No doctor”
“What measures have you taken against pregnancy?”
“I am on contraceptive pills, doctor.”
“Do you have pills with you? I can get it checked.”
I opened my handbag and pulled the strip out of my handbag. After physically examining, she called attendant to hand over the strip.
“And you are not taking any other medicines regularly except contraceptives pills. This can be a source if adulterated. Please remember the source of procurement of pills. Is it possible for anyone to gain physical access to your pills?”
“I only purchased the pills from medical shop one week prior to Prem’s arrival. They are kept on the cupboard of our hall. Normally I take one pill from the stock every day after lunch. Anybody in the house can access them with prior knowledge. Do you suspect any foul play doctor? Do you suspect Prem?”
Ignoring my queries, she continued her questions, “Do you remember any change in your sexual desire after Prem’s arrival? Think and tell Kavita. It’s very important.”
“I did observe some discomfort in me after a few days of Prem’s arrival. It appeared my desire for physical pleasure increased. I thought it may be because of my suppressed sexuality for years and will diminish in short period. My gynecologist suggested it could be some side effects of contraceptive pills. I did not give much attention over it thereafter. Now only I understand the reason for my irresistible physical desire for sex. It means Prem replaced my pills with drug. Observing my medicines in disrupted condition, I presumed my husband’s hand. I ignored any possibilities of Prem’s involvement. Oh my God! What have I done?”The new found knowledge had shaken my basic existence.
“You should have approached security officer immediately after knowing Prem was bullying Manu. I understand your physical constraints and sexual slavery due to drug effects. Even if we consider your husband is a cuckold, he is a human after all. This can’t explain your cold passiveness on the incidents of physical abetment.”
I burst into tears. “Doctor! Can you please save my husband? His sufferings are all because of me. He is in danger. I don’t know how to save him.” I could not suppress my anxiety.
“I will try. You must tell the truth. Unless you come out clearly, we can’t asses the danger level. Kavita, please don’t hide anything. May be we are already late. “
“Can I believe you doctor? “
She put her hand on my head, “You can. You are like my daughter. You are assured of my all support.”
“You will hate me doctor after knowing everything. “
“I will not. I never hate my patients. You are my daughter now. How can I hate my daughter? Now open up yourself. Don’t waste any more time.”
*****
Painfully I narrated my ordeal.
“I had met Prem in college. Prem was a masculine and handsome person; a real man. His sex appeal was awesome. His actual name is Amir Ali. His appearance was similar to Salman Khan, young, aggressive and hunky. With regular exercises, he used to maintain muscular physique like body builders. He always maintained relationship with multiple girls. He was nicknamed Prem in the college due to his weakness and inclination towards girls. Like many girls, I had crush on his manliness. Photography was his passion. I fell for his physical charm. We developed short duration physical relationship. I had no attachment. Within a short period, I could come out of his attractions. All these happened when I was in third year of engineering and Prem was in second year.”
“I had snapped all contacts with him since then till our relocation to Bangalore. After passing out of college I took job and within two years I got married to Manu Sharma from Delhi working in US. We stayed in US before shifting to Bangalore. Prem established contacts with me again. Though I had snapped my relationship with him, I never disliked him. He requested for guest accommodation in our house for few months. He explained our house will be logistically better located for his assignment and also financially rewarding. He claimed to be coming to Bangalore for first time and will be difficult to find suitable accommodation for few months. I accepted his logic and invited him.”
“When Prem arrived in our house, I had no intensions of becoming physical. Within short time of his arrival, I started feeling an irresistible desire to become physical. It all started with Prem occasionally touching me innocuously. I could observe growing insecurity in eyes of my husband. He was of frail body type and weak personality. I think Prem also observed his insecurity. I, sometimes, joined Prem to tease my husband innocently. On immediate Saturday, I had been to a movie with Prem while my husband was on duty. On return we observed my husband coming out of Prem’s room. He had skipped his office. Next day morning, Prem had one to one discussion with my husband. I still don’t know, what exactly transpired between them. Now, I think Prem had bullied him to coerce. My husband was always evasive. Prem informed me, my husband was a cuckold and wimp in concealing outfit of male frame. He prefers to be feminine. He was not able to express his mind out of shame. It was a shock for me. To my dismay, my husband accepted feminine dresses without protest. “
“Prem was becoming bold. He started touching me inappropriately in presence of my husband. He meekly accepted Prem’s advances. I was losing my resistances, now I know, due to drug effect. Eventually, I submitted to Prem’s advances. We resumed our physical relationship. Prem coerced me with the help of old photographs to expose myself not only within family but also to the outer world. He simultaneously continued bullying my husband. He injured left hand of my husband making him temporarily handicapped. He created terror in my mind. On pretext of Ac repair, he forced us to call his known gang in the house. That day I was forced to dress seductively. The crew members were introduced with us. Prem forcefully initiated sex immediately on completion of repair when one of the crew members Pervez returned to find me in compromising position. I succumbed to the fear of my social status. Finally, he compelled me to shift to his bedroom. I could not explain my compulsion to my husband out of trepidation. I resorted to falsifying him with lack of attachment for me. I construed the three weeks of his silence on my adultery relationship as a weapon against him.”
“My shifting to Prem’s bedroom helped me in two ways. I could successfully stop him bullying my husband and exposing me obscenely to outer world. I knew, I had to find out a solution to come out of Prem’s clutches. I was afraid of reaching security officer for two reasons. I had no proof of Prem’s wrongdoings and was afraid of my intimate illicit photos reaching social circuits. Without any proof he will walk out scot free but I will be ruined. I was also constantly worried of my wanton desire to sexual gratification.”
“Within 7 weeks of Prem’s arrival, Gowri made her first visit to our house on weekend. They were engaged. Next Monday, Prem assaulted my husband on pretext of my husband contacting Gowri. The very reason of my husband trying to contact Gowri was not clear. I was afraid. I debarred my husband doing same again in fear of his life. I presumed Gowri to be one of the abettors of Prem.”
“Immediately next weekend Prem contemplated me to share his room with Gowri. I was forced to do so. To my knowledge, my husband was not being bullied since I shifted. He continued adhering to sissy clothing. Incidentally, he was even found eves dropping. His cuckoldry cemented in my mind. Subsequently, Gowri continued visiting my place on weekends; I could not believe her completely, though, till now I did not find anything suspicious with her. I see everything attached with Prem on suspicious note. “
“When Gowri proposed for medical consultation, I got suspicious. In the beginning, I even could not believe you also. I thought it may be another conspiracy.”
We remained silent for some period. Dr Preethi broke the silence sarcastically.
“Bravo Kavita, great! So, you appreciated the brute force, arrogances, and animalistic sexual powers are the qualities of ‘REAL MAN’”. A real man should be cheater, selfish, self centered, mean, stubborn, manipulative, diabolical, pervert, and sadist to be worshipped by you. So, this is your taste!”
I kept my head down.
She continued her sarcasm, “It’s a pity that educated women like you have no respect for love, honesty, faithfulness, responsibility, decency, caring, trustworthy etc. We should go back to pre-civilized world where there was no society. Humanity should take back seat in so called modern world. The increased raape and all kind of atrocities and sexual offences against women are direct consequences due to irresponsible and provoked behaviors by women like you. It is not the men who are abusing womanhood unilaterally; it is the women especially like you are only responsible to create filthy images of women in society leading to increased autocracies and crime against women. Women of your types are dangerous to the society. And you people claim to be educated!”
Dr Preethi stopped briefly. I did not dare to look at her. I could sense the seriousness in her voice when she resumed, “I can understand the psychological distress you were facing out of unsatisfying sexual urge. I can also understand your physical constraints. You have right on your sexuality. You have right to select your partner and copulate. But not at the expense of other’s right. Responsibility and rights are not independent. You cannot claim your rights without fulfilling your responsibility. You had many options. You could have divorced your husband and demanded alimony. You could go for sex toys. You could have kept your affairs secret, though I don’t recommend. You did not. You contemplated your husband into cuckoldry. To achieve your goal, you conspired with your lover to mortify your husband. You forced him to suffer physically and mentally for only reason that he could not satisfy you in bed. Now your sexual needs are quenched by your lover. Then, why your husband has to continue to suffer? What about his rights? What mistakes has he done except blindly loving you? Is he not a human? Why did you do this to him Kavita? Why? Why? Answer me, Kavita.”
The anger was building in her. She was crushing me with her words. She was angry just by listening. What, if she had witnessed me to perform? Most probably, she could have killed me. I rightly deserved so. I came out of my trance by her continued fire.
“Did you ever try to find out the reasons your husband tolerated everything? He could have easily divorced you and get re-married easily. He earns handsome. He could have approached security officer. He did not because he loved you. I appreciate your reward in return. Do you think your parents will support you? You knew the type of person Prem was. Knowingly, you allowed a predator to invade in your life. You were pretty aware of Prem’s bullying and forcing your husband into forced cuckoldry. And you came here for my ramification. Shame on you, Kavita. “
I had nothing to say. Again, silence fell in the room except for some unsteady footsteps. Then I sensed her approaching me by her footsteps. Dr Preethi forced my face up placing her hand under my chin. Directly staring at my eyes, she shrilled, “Go and sleep with your boyfriend. I only request you to give divorce to your husband. This should not be a problem, I presume. Why to make him suffer when you never loved him. He is not going to complain against you.”
I broke down in tears, “No, doctor, no. I love him. I do accept whatever you have said. Trust me, I love my husband. Believe me I never stopped loving him.”
I was interrupted by Dr. Preethi. Her voice had become increasingly strident, “Love! Do you understand what love is? Don’t misuse the word. Love is for sacrifice without expecting any return. What sacrifice have you made that you claim your love? Ask yourself, you will get the answer. You should be ashamed of yourself. I hate myself discussing ‘Love’ with you.” Her irritation and frustration were very clear.
“You are a manipulative, filthy, cruel, pervert and sadist woman. As a doctor, I can try to correct cruelty of a person if it is mental disorder; I am helpless when it is deliberate and premeditated. I am sorry I can’t help you unless you change yourself. Now you may leave Kavita. I find your presence suffocating. “ Dr. Preethi abruptly left the consultancy room leaving me alone in my wretched state.
***
Minutes ticked away. I could only weep. I am indeed a manipulative, filthy, cruel, pervert and sadist woman. To achieve my unrealistic, immoral goal, I had scapegoated my husband. To cover up a sin, I continued to commit sins again and again. Manu had to bear the brunt of the sins I have committed. He was being punished for the crimes I was punishable.
After some time, Dr. Preethi came back to hold my hands in her. She had regained her composure. She was apologetic, “I am very sorry Kavita, for my rudeness. Momentarily I lost my temper; I behaved in most unbecoming way of a doctor. You are my patient and I should not have behaved in the manner I did. Please forgive me.”
I touched her feet. “Please don’t apologize. I deserved this. I should have come to you earlier. I want to undo my sins. I have to regain trust of my husband. Kindly bless me. “
She put her hand on my head in assurance, “God bless you. Be positive. Everything will be all right.”
She helped me occupying my chair and went back to her chair.
“I think Prem had made his plan long before he stepped into your house.”
“Gowri is a young tamilian woman working in Bangalore, away from her families. She is staying alone here. So, she must be courageous and modern also. Otherwise she could not start relationship defying her religion and family. She must be habituated to speak unknown persons. Her reactions against your husband’s phone call grow suspicion. Your husband was not unknown to her. He was her host during her stay in your house. Rather than understanding the purpose of your husband’s phone, her continued silence for long time is not normal behavior on her part. She had enough opportunity to clear herself with your husband.”
“There are other aspects also. Prem proposed Gowri. She accepted his proposal. They are adult modern, young persons. They wanted to become physical. So, Prem brought her to your house to spend some nights to have sex with her. All this happened within a span of 7 weeks of Prem’s arrival in Bangalore. Prem is a womanizer, possessing great skills to seduce women. Absolutely fine; so far nothing abnormal for an alpha man. Next week she visited again to your house. This time she accepted acting with another woman, with whom she is introduced only a few days ago to give psychological pleasure to your husband at the advice of her fiancé. Lightning fast submission. Remember, Gowri is not yet married, just engaged. Even in socially progressive, developing, countries also, women do not behave so fast in this matter. This is possible, if they had acquaintances from earlier times or have some other purposes. This clearly indicates Prem had visited Bangalore earlier also and he knows Gowri for a long time.”
I asked in surprise, “If Gowri is involved in the conspiracy, why did she encourage me to come here?”
“I am also in search of exact reasons of her behavior. Quite possible, she does not want to harm you. She considers you a good friend. May be for some reasons, she is contemplating revenge against Prem. I have checked blood sample of Gowri. Her blood is not contaminated with sex drugs. She may not have any role in your Drugs. But at present, she is not above doubt.”
“Anyway, there are other reasons for me to believe that Prem has visited Bangalore earlier also. Remember the day of A/c repair. Contact no of repair agency was supplied by Prem. You were introduced to a person named ‘Pervez’ of his community. Prem was known to all the crew members. Afterwards Pervez discovered you both in compromising position while he returned back shortly to retrieve some forgotten tools. It appears to me the whole incident was preplanned rather than coincidental.”
“The logic behind my resolution goes like this. Prem is a photographer came to Bangalore for the first time to attend some course. For him getting in contact with some A/c mechanic is not impossible. The suspicious part is remembering his phone no and recommending him for repair of A/c. Prem must have known Pervez for a long time. I won’t be surprised if Pervez happens to be his secret, illegal narcotics business partner. Also on repair day, Prem forced you to dress seductively and introduced yourself with the crew members. He did it purposefully. He successfully demonstrated his domination over you to your husband as well as to the repair crews whom he knew very well for a long time.”
“So, Prem’s claim to come to Bangalore for first time is false. You should have understood this long back, had you kept your eyes open. He could make alternate accommodation easily. He preferred to stay at your house for purpose. He had fixed a target on you. It was not for sex only. Being a thriving womanizer, he was habituated of getting plenty of sex since college days. He had Gowri with him for his immediate sexual gratification. He could have arranged other women also to quench his physical needs. So, sex was not only reason for Prem to make you drug addict or bullying your husband. These drugs are banned in India for selling and purchasing. Mere possession can put you behind bar. Prem knows very well the extent of risk it carries by any complain from you or your husband to security officer. It is not comprehensible that Prem has taken so much risk just for the sake of sex only. Bullying, humiliating Manu and exposing you vulgarly may be outcome of his perverse, sadist mentality. However, making you sex drug addict does not fit the simple equation.”
“All these indicate his intention to trap you in his secret business. Once you are sufficiently addicted, you will remain his sex slave for lifelong. Additionally, it will be easy to get you involved in under world activities. Once you are implicated, you will never complain to security officer for your own safety. “
Dr Preethi looked at me quizzing for some period as if she tried to read my mind. She asked me softly, “Did Prem share you with anybody so far? Or at least some hints?”
“No doctor.”
“If my intuitions are correct, very shortly you may face this reality also.“ Can you show me the pendant of your belly ring?”
I looked at her surprisingly. Gowri has informed her about it. I fetched the pendant from my hand bag and handed over to her.
“Since when are you using belly ring?”
“During college days I used to.”
“Does A.A. stand for Amir Ali?”
“Prem thinks so, as well my husband also.”
“I see. Earlier also you wore the same pendant?”
I smiled faintly, “Yes doctor.”
She looked at the pendant closely and became sad, “Whom do you want to deceive, Kavita, Prem, your husband or yourself?”
I did not understand her expression. “I am not getting you. “
Dr Preethi explained further, “I can guess. Mostly it will be right. Correct me if I am wrong. During your college days, Prem had seen you wear this pendant engraved with A.A. as a token of your submission to him. You did not specifically clarify different meaning to Prem that time. You allowed him to be photographed with pendant on for his album. This time also he was enjoying your uninhibited submission. As a token of your submission he pestered you to put on the same pendant. Am I correct Kavita?”
I accepted her views, “Yes doctor. “
“What you don’t know is that Prem must have shown your husband the picture of your college days. If you get proper opportunity, inquire with your husband. You will know the truth.”
I confirmed her perception, “I know doctor., Prem has already presented my college day’s photographs to my husband. I don’t know, what exactly Prem is gaining out of this?”
Dr Preethi was sad at the revelations, “He is benefitted immensely. Prem derives sadistic pleasure out of people’s pain and humiliation. The more peoples are in distress, the more he enjoys. From the very beginning Prem wanted to break your husband physically and psychologically. You extended full support to achieve his goal. Your husband had to fight with three opponents continuously. No one was self. No two was Prem and no three was his wife. Yes, Gowri also added some hurdles in his fight at later stage.”
My head was already down.
“Your husband was clueless on his future. Every moment he feared to lose his wife. But he never gave up. He was clear in his mind that unless Prem leaves the house, he cannot get back his wife. He must be persistent with his wife without success. He decided to accept his wife’s all demands to make his claim clear. Unfortunately, his efforts only created negative impact in his wife’s mind. Am I right, Kavita? “
I simply nodded my head in affirmative.
“Prem is immensely benefited from your husband’s destruction. He has beaten up your husband mercilessly in presence of you citing flimsy reason. Prem was happy seeing your indifferent attitude towards your husband. His plan was generating results. He came up with some evil plan to break your husband’s mental strength completely. He displayed past photographs of you with belly button pendant engraved with A, A.. Presently he forced you to wear belly button engraved with A.A. You meekly surrendered to his plan. You complied with without realizing the implications. By this Prem successfully painted a picture of your continuance slavery and submission starting from college days to present time in your husband’s mind. Your husband is made to believe that his wife was truly never his. Since college days, she belonged to her lover. Your husband is trying to trespass in other’s territory in a makeshift marriage. “
Suddenly Dr. Preethi came near me to lift my chin up.
“I hope you have made a proud display of your pendant to your husband?”
I lowered my face without answering.
Her voice mystified; “Now the consequences will follow. The belly is synonym with uterus. I won’t blame your husband if he reflects your belly ring pendant as your willingness to get pregnant by Prem. You are lucky not to get pregnant during your un-protective sex with Prem. Yes, it is confirmed. Your pills do contain sex drugs except the last three pills which are inactive. Can you imagine, how much stressful it would have been for your husband, knowing his wife is pregnant by somebody else other than himself. He will perish. He is definitely going to lose his mental stability unless he ends his life.”
She took a long pause. Then in broken voice she announced, “The decision is yours, how do you desire to make and end.”
I begged for her mercy. I begged for life of my husband. I was all in tears. “Doctor., please help me to come out of danger. Please help my husband to live.”
Dr. Preethi consoled me, “Kavita, please come to sense. This is not the time to be remorseful on grieves. This is time for firm decision unless you decide otherwise. You have a few choices. Easiest of all is continuing your affairs with your boyfriend without bothering for your husband. Other choices are difficult to achieve. You can save yourself or your husband or your relationship. You have no care for your husband and relationship. So I will confine my discussion on your safety only”
I intervened, “Please doctor, please, help my husband to safety. Will my surrender to security officer be helpful?”
Dr. Preethi was prompt to intervene, “Please do it if you are not yet satisfied tormenting your husband and fascinated to see him behind bars. Do you have any proof? You won’t be able to prove Prem’s involvement. Rather Prem may bring reverse charge against both of you. Your husband will be erroneously proved in coercing revenge against Prem. Your husband may accept also same from deep depression.”
She explained further, “This should not be your first priority at present, I believe. Proving Prem’s crime may not be easy. You don’t possess any definite prove to punish him right now. Moreover, your active involvement in tormenting your husband will put you under arrest. Remember, you don’t enjoy your husband’s trust anymore. You cannot deny your responsibility. Your husband also may be implicated in some way. Proving his innocence will be a difficult task. I don’t envisage, your surrender will achieve any positive results. We also don’t know the exact motive of Prem. Rather, I advise for a different approach.”
She thought for a while before suggesting, “Most important is to improve your relationship with your husband. You must tell him the truth detailing your captivity. You have to gain back his trust & confidence in you. Once you are successful, slowly, he will start believing you. This may take time. Be prepared for receiving all kind of adverse reactions from him. This is natural. You have to ensure highest degree of patience in your all activities. Any small mistake in your part can lead to devastating situations. At the same time, you need improvement in your personal front. Treatment related to your Compulsive Sexual Disorder should not be neglected.”
“All above are feasible, only when your husband is out of influence of Prem. You can always ask him to vacate your house. If required, get help from your security guards or neighbors’. He will not be that much idiot to refuse to comply with. With my experience, I can confirm, persons like Prem are generally coward, though they gloat over their false bravery by way of arrogance. Our weak minds are camouflaged with this false pride of arrogance as heroism. They internalize upon weakness of their victims. He may try to coerce you by false statement of publishing your intimate photos or videos. This will be a definite proof against him, if he happens to indulge in such activities. Even possessing of incrementing documents related to privacy of others are punishable acts as per law. Try to maintain your composure while dealing with Prem. Record your conversations and be firm and unambiguous in instructions. You may forge his sensitive documents and equipment for your safety. But, never destroy anything. They may provide vital clue to establish your claims.”
“Sexual offences against women are not new in the society. Unfortunately, women submit easily in fear of social stigma. Fear of seeing a naked picture on any social media site or elsewhere can shake even the hardest soul. Blackmailing is a form of emotional abuse, and like all abuses, it is about power and control. A person who uses this tactic wants to make you afraid of some consequence to get you to do what he wants. Merely by submitting to the threat will never neutralize the threat. Don’t let shame and blame stop you from getting help. This is not at all acceptable from educated women. Unless, you people come out protesting, this evil social offence will never reduce and offenders will continue their offences.”
“Prem had blackmailed you without leaving any proof. Still, you had multiples options to neutralizing the threat. First, you should have taken into confidence your family and friends. They are always with you for your safety. You could have surrendered to your husband also. Second, you should have contacted security officer indicating for possible threat. Third, you could hire a criminal lawyer for proper guidance. Your option is still open to consult a criminal lawyer. He will give you proper guidance and help you to neutralize the threat legally. He may find out ways to punish Prem for his heinous crime. Saying so, in my opinion your priority should focus on rectifying your own mistakes rather than finding faults with others. Think positive. Bring your husband for consultancy at the earliest. Presently, I advice you not to share your new found knowledge in details with your husband also. He may not be in proper mental condition to appreciate your goodwill confessions. His knowledge should be updated in systematic manner to avoid shock. Better you take help from professionals.”
I simply kept quite on her guidance in acceptance.
“Do you have any more questions, Kavita?”
I asked her with deep concerns, “Will he be able to come back to normal state? Will he ever believe me?”
She expressed her sympathy, “I am sorry Kavita; I can’t assure anything without consulting him. He needs immediate attention. May be he has already crossed the endurance level. Don’t wait for appointment. Bring him at the earliest. He appears to be a psychologically strong man as per my analysis. I don’t envisage to a large extent problems for his returning to normalcy with your cooperation. Yes, I am sorry to say, at certain point of desperation; patients may reach to a point of no return. Hope, he is not. Can I expect your unconditional support?”
I nodded my head in affirmative, “I will do anything you suggest, doctor.”
Dr. Preethi handed over me a prescription.
She stressed,” I prefer you stop all sorts of drugs including birth control pills and enroll for treatment. Any delay may cause your life threat. Even the possibility of your husband also being dosed with some other drugs cannot be ruled out. Try to adhere to the medicines prescribed here religiously. Within a week the physical uneasiness and horniness will subside. Abstain from any kind of sexual activities for at least two months. If possible, don’t allow any kind of sexual thoughts in your mind, till such period, you find yourself free of physical constraint. I will advise you to move to your parents or in-laws place for a speedy recovery. Come back for review checkup after a week.”
I got up from my seat. She walked near me and handed over me her personal card.
“You can always contact me over phone in my personal no. How you are planning to shape your life is in your hand. May God bless you and give you courage. Good night.”
I thanked her and walked out of consultancy room. Dr. Preethi followed me closely behind.
******
“Can I make a request to you Kavita?” I heard Dr. Preethi’s voice behind me. I turned around to face her again. She was not looking at me. Her sight was aimed to my feet.
She took my hand in her, “Love is the supreme of all emotions we possess. It can’t be forced on anyone. If you can’t love your husband, don’t love. Help him to get freedom from his infatuation. Don’t kill him. Please allow him to live.”
Without waiting for my answer, she left hurriedly. Did I see tears in her eyes? I am not sure. I sensed something in my hand. The pendant engraved with A.A. was in my hand.
I got petrified.
Gowri waked me up from my frozen tranquility, “Didi, let’s go.”
I looked at the pendant. It did not have any purpose. I discarded the pendent in nearby dustbin before coming out of clinic. Gowri joined me after a while.
End of Chapter 28
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