16-10-2020, 06:35 AM
28.2
Kavita:
Next day morning Prem asked for coffee.
“I will get your coffee.” I tried to make a move.
Prem stopped me and phoned Manu for Coffee. Prem behaved with Manu like master & slave.
Gowri interfered in Prem’s action, “Prem I think, you have forgotten that you are guest of this house and the person you are ordering is host. Give him proper respect.”
Instead of feeling shame, Prem laughed, “Respect to PB? You are surprising me Gowri. How is he to be respected, you propose? You know very well that he is a pervert.”
“His perversion is not proved beyond doubt. I expected a better behavior form you. ”Gowri asserted disapprovingly.
Prem was stubborn & obstinate, “C’mon Gowri. Don’t be silly. Manu’s perversion is well proved. He himself asked for my help and Kavita is well aware of it. I am really behaving very nicely with him to order coffee only. I should have ordered him …..” Prem stopped before finishing.
“Shame on you Prem! ”Gowri howled covering her face in shame.
It appeared to me that Prem wanted to finish, “I should have ordered him to lick my dick, to fuck his wife. ”He could not be blamed entirely. Instead of clippings his wings, I only had allowed him to flap.
My face became red in shame and anguish, “Stop Prem! Enough is enough. My obligation has some limits. Earlier also I reprimanded you. Don’t get complacent on my compulsions always.”
Prem was not prepared for this. He fumbled to reason. Meekly he protested, “Earlier you only made him serve here. I have only followed your path.”Clearly he was defensive.
I hissed at him, “That’s between my husband and I. It’s none of your business, Prem. Be within your limits of houseguest. Sunday is not far away.” I had to cut him short.
His inflated balloon collapsed. Prem controlled his anger in utter frustration keeping his face down. Seeing his plight, I smiled to myself, “Just one more night Prem and everything will get settled. Let me settle the issue with Gowri first. You have to pay for your all wrongdoings.”
Prem was not first time commenting obscene on Manu. Rather he had made a nasty habit to pass many derogatory remarks on Manu in past also. He was physically bullying Manu from the very beginning. Though I had reprimanded him many times, I had subdued sanctions over it. I had always allowed sinking the issue on lighter tone. I had my compulsions. He was much more polite & sober today compared to my rude behavior to Manu. What made me to react? Was it because of my predicament? Or was it the redemption of frustration? Or was it my face saving to Gowri and myself? I could not ascertain.
To evade embarrassment, I made Manu leave soon after collecting the coffee tray on doorway.
Immediately after breakfast, Prem left. He needed to arrange accommodation. Gowri was first to be ready. Manu approached me for laundry the moment I came out of bedroom. He addressed me ‘Madam’, “Madam, if you please hand over the laundry, I will keep them clean & dry.”
Deeply embarrassed I whispered, “Why do you call me madam, Manu? I am your wife. Furthermore, you are not servant of this house. I will take care of laundry tomorrow. “
Manu did not relent. He emphasized, “Please Madam, it’s also my duty to keep your guests comfortable. Moreover, you are quite busy with the guests presently. I will be free to keep the laundry ready. I know, I need more training for improvement. Earlier mistakes will not be repeated, I assure. I will hand wash your sensitive garments.” Then, came his absolute surrender, “I will ensure no stains remain on them.”
Instantaneously my face became red. Literally I ran to bedroom to hide my face. I collapsed on the bed covering my face with my hands. Not long before, I had asked him to clean my dresses strained with seamen of Prem. I humiliated him pointing out the spots, "Manu, please wash them thoroughly if you are going to offer to wash them. I don't like to put on clothes dirty after washing, or clothes with soap stains."
It was not soap stains, he knew, I knew. That time I did force him to rinse my stained dresses again. Presently just mention about it caused humiliation in me. I could imagine how much he had been humiliated that day. What would have I done in his position? I could break mentally. I could walk out of married life. He tolerated all humiliation only for me. He accepted everything on hope of getting me back. I easily could have avoided his humiliation! I should have controlled my emotion! The acceptance of my blatant wrongdoing was not helping me either. I was feeling more remorse.
“The stains in dresses had gone. Will I ever be able to remove the stains I had deposited in his mind?”
Suddenly, I remembered, Manu was waiting outside. I quickly collected a few machine washable dresses in a bucket to hand over.
He looked at my face briefly before putting his face down.
I could not see his eyes properly. All the time his face was down. My husband has accepted his defeat. I only have forced him to this state. I hesitated for some time before went to bedroom to collect the clothes. His changed behavior since he had seen my belly ring pendant was crystal clear. I should have rejoiced. It should have been my triumph. I wanted him to submit to my terms & conditions uninhibitedly, to achieve my goal. Why was his submission causing remorse in my mind? Was it because I myself was cheated in submission? Was it because of setback in my plan? I wondered.
***
We hopped in malls doing window shopping before reaching the clinic well before time, to get some advanced knowledge about Dr. Preethi. The first impression on Dr. Preethi was impressive. She was punctual and straightforward. All the patients available around, whom we could speak, appeared to be very happy with her treatment. They respected her as goddess. Gowri was satisfied on our selection of Doctor.
We both were called into chamber. Dr. Preethi was a charming lady in hermid-50
After we both took our seat, I introduced myself as Mrs. Megha Joshi and Gowri as Vidya.”
After formal introduction and brief hovering on irrelevant matters, Dr. Preethi fixed her eyes on my face. She was looking straight into my eyes as if reading my thoughts.
She jumped into business professionally, “Before we start any discussion, I want you to trust me completely and not to hide anything. Unless you trust me completely, I won’t be able to justify my profession. From my side I assure you confidentiality. No third party will ever have any knowledge of what we discuss here unless you decide otherwise or I decide purely on medical grounds for further studies for benefit of my patients.Mrs. Megha, do you agree?”
“Yes doctor. I agree”
“Are you comfortable in presence of your friend? Otherwise she can wait outside. ”Dr. Preethi suggested.
“Not required doctor.,Vidya knows everything.”
“That’s fine. Please brief me about your purpose.”
“I want to discuss some very personal about my husband. His change in behavior is making me scares. “I was a bit hesitant.
“What are your apprehensions?
“I want to know, if my husband is cuckold.” I expressed myself as quick as possible.
“What’s make you think this way?”
I took some time to answer. Putting my face down, in timid voice I narrated, “Since marriage we did not have proper sexual life. He was almost impotent. Almost 3 years of our stay in US,I suffered, but never relented. Especially in our outings, I have noticed that, whenever, we were in beaches, he would constantly stare at the semi-naked hunks. Back home, he would very often admired body shapes of different men. Sometimes he would talk about their endowment sizes. He would compare them with himself and imagined me with them in bed. I thought it was his wild fantasy and allowed it to go off. We shifted back to India. There was no improvement in situation. Recently one of my college friends joined us as house guest. My husband started imagining me with him. Very often he encourages me to his bedroom. I have tried to initiate intimacy with my husband without success. His manhood remains limp. He enjoys cross dressing. The worst is, he is behaving like a submissive slave to my friend. I love him. I want him to be cured.” I put my head down on table sobbing.
I did not realize when Dr. Preethi walked beside me. She put her hand on my head softly as if to console me, “Kavita?”
“Yes doctor.” I realized immediately, I have been caught.
She started speaking very slowly, “First wipe off your eyes. I am sorry; I cannot be your consultant. You don’t trust me and even kept your identity concealed. The most important bond of Doctor-Patient relationship is broken. There is every chance of your not revealing truth to manipulate your claims. My objective is to help patients to face the truth by removing anxiety and fears; not to compromise with truth. On principle, I don’t entertain such patients. I am instructing reception to return your fees. You may please leave now. “ She was not angry. She appeared to be gloomy but confident.
“Doctor. I am sorry; I have made mistakes. I concealed my identity out of shame. Please give me one more chance. Believe me I am in distress. Please help me.” I pleaded with doctor. Gowri also joined me to placate Dr. Preethi.
“I believe you are in distress. But your approach is not proper. You go back home and decide first what exactly you want. Revelation of truth or compromise with truth, decision is yours. “ Dr. Preethi made her intentions very clear.
She was firm but we were relentless.
Finally, she mended with our assurances that we will be truthful.
“Please wait outside. You may take a chance, if I can manage time after the last patient. Though, I am not promising. ” She made her objective clear.
“Thank you, doctor., for your kind consideration. ” We both expressed our gratitude before exiting her chamber.
We both waited patiently. I offered Gowri to return home which she firmly denied.
At night 10 pm receptionist informed us to come next day at 9am.
“Tomorrow is Sunday. You mean it on Monday 9 AM?” I asked to verify.
“Normally all Sundays are reserved for case studies and testing. Only very critical cases are entertained. Your special appointment is fixed on Sunday, i.e. tomorrow morning at 9AM. Please come on time.” Receptionist clarified.
We thanked her and departed.
In cab, I could methodically inspect over the incidents. How Dr Preethi came to know about my original name? While we were seated in the waiting hall, Gowri always addressed me by Didi. So there was no chance of leakage. The preliminary declaration form was filled up by me only. Possibilities of making silly mistakes were not ruled out, considering my anxiety. But there could be another possibility. Did Gowri play in my back? Though not impossible, but what will be her motive? I could not resolve. I decided not to bring her inside during consultation. I should not repeat the mistake.
On the way we packed dinner for four persons. By the time we reached Home, Manu was locked in his bedroom. Prem returned within 10 minutes of our arrival.
***********
Next day morning, seeing us dressing up, Prem announced, “You girls appear to be in festival mood. Alas! If could join for a gala time. No way, I got some assignment to complete by today. I will be late to be back.” We did not bother to his announcement.
By the time we reached the clinic, it was 8:30.
Dr. Preethi entered sharp at 9 AM. She wished us and signaled Gowri to come inside before entering her consultancy room. It was a jolt in my planning. The trick Dr. Preethi played was beyond my imagination. Clearly she had downplayed me. Clearly she believed I could manipulate events. I could not imagine on how much bin Gowri would spill inside. Still it was better that Gowri was called first; I would get some chance to discuss with her before my turn. I could have been embarrassed much more had Gowri been called after me. She was determined to prove Manu not a cuckold. She had considered Manu’s cuckoldry was a nasty play by Prem. She was correct in her assessment. Did she doubt my role also?
While I was waiting outside, lab assistant collected my blood and urine samples. Previous day, I had observed them doing same for some patients. I did not object.
After almost an hour and half,I was called inside. On door opening sound, Gowri looked back. Her face was pale devoid of presence of any blood. Her state of face and appearance clearly indicated her mental condition. She appeared to have experienced hell in immediate past. Gowri was asked to wait outside. I looked at her face clearly, when she crossed me. She was definitely weeping a short while ago. I hobbled slowly in trepidation.
“Sit down Kavita. Please give me details from beginning. For your information, our discussion will be recorded. “
“Doctor I don’t want Gowri to know our discussion. I want your assurance.” I expressed my concern.
“You are assured; she will not be informed anything of our discussion. Please be truthful.”Dr. Preethi reassured.
I did not require another reminder to be truthful. Also, what Gowri had spilled in I had no idea. I had no option but to speak truth. However, I had to continue my husband’s cuckoldry. I decided to suppress some facts; let her think bad of me. Convincing Gowri was the need of the hour. This time I explained her all details starting from our marriage to till today’s incident. She patiently listened to me while occasionally taking some notes.
***
I briefed my story, “After marriage we settled in US for three years. In the very beginning of our marriage, I was disappointed beyond imagination. Performance of my husband in bed was abysmal. His staying power was also very less. Within a few minutes he would spend up. I remained unsatisfied always. Slowly I started learning to adjust with the terms of realty. He was a fantastic person otherwise. I started avoiding disturbing him to the extent possible, unless physical needs overpowered my mental resistance. I could clearly feel his dismay and insecurity over his performance in bed. I could help him only by suppressing my urge. We both were struggling. I was struggling to suppress my strong libido. He was struggling to improve his performance. I never thought of cheating him. I loved him.”
“Whenever we were on outing, I could see the happy couples everywhere. Psychologically, I was feeling pathetic. Many times in beach; I would stare at the bulging of other men and preoccupied thinking what I was missing. I started dressing a bit revealing to get attractions of others. I started enjoying others attentions on my physique. I could feel other men cherishing over my body with their eyes. Sometimes, while spending sleepless nights, I used to think all above and started blaming my fate. Slowly it became my habit to fantasize different sexual encounters I was not getting in my life. I did not cheat him. Even coming back to India, I had no intention to commit adultery. Year passed as usual. My struggle with my unsatisfied body and mind continued. I had no hobbies to kill time. I even could not get pregnant without any problem of mine. Every day, after departure of my husband for work, I got submersed in my pathetic life.”
“I had always maintained contact with my old college friends. Prem got to know about our settling in Bangalore. After about a year of our shifting to Bangalore, one day he proposed to stay in our house as guest for short duration to attend his courses in Bangalore. I was excited in the proposal. I got thrilled remembering our old relationship. I had physical relationship with him earlier before marriage during our college days. A few more times does not make any difference, I reasoned myself.I was looking for a pure physical relationship. “
“Within a week, Prem informed that my husband was cuckold. In the beginning I did not buy his idea. He proved me every time that he was right. I faked my attachment to my friend. My husband accepted it as true. He accepted feminine dresses willingly. He started saving his body hairs to look more feminine. I had never observed his sissy tendencies earlier. Prem started touching me inappropriately at every opportunity in presence of my husband. My husband did not object. I started dressing boldly during my outings with Prem. It appeared my husband was enjoying as he never objected strongly. Subdued he encouraged me. I submitted to my lust. What I presumed to be only a few times started repeating in regular interval. We were creating opportunities. Initially we were mating in absence of my husband. I got convinced that he was enjoying seeing me with other man. To be ensured, I started giving him hints of my adulterous sexual relationship with Prem. My husband did not confront me.”
“We started mating in his presence at home. One day I made him lick me immediately after my union with Prem. At my dismay, my husband did it, knowing very well about our mating. I got convinced that he was a cuckold. I openly started sleeping with Prem. There was no strong protest from my husband. Prem convinced me that my husband would enjoy seeing us copulating. I arranged bed lamp and kept bedroom door open. I have witnessed my husband masturbating seeing us together in bed.”
“Gowri was engaged with Prem. One weekend Prem brought Gowri in our house to spend time with her. My husband tried to contact Gowri on next Monday. What inspired him to contact Gowri was not clear. My husband did not divulge the exact reasons of contacting Gowri. Immediately next weekend my husband contemplated me to share Prem’s room with Gowri. He was even found eves dropping.”
“Many a times I expressed my attachment with Prem to humiliate him. He was unperturbed. I started behaving with him like maid servant.I wanted my husband to hate me. He did not. I wanted to hate my husband. I could not. I started hating myself. I want him to get cured. I love him. Can you save him doctor?” I was sobbing continuously.
***
On completion of my narration Dr. Preethi was very specific, “So you want me to believe that in the beginning,your adultery was for satisfying your physical needs and nothing else.”
“Yes doctor. I love my husband. My engagement with Prem is purely physical. Now I am worried for my husband. He is showing symptom of cuckoldry. Believe me doctor, I have told you all facts. Just tell me, is my husband is cuckold?”
“it will be too early to draw any conclusion. I will explain you everything with logical reasoning. First answer my questions. Please don’t make any guess.”
“You claim, your only aim was physical pleasure only. Am I correct?”
“Yes doctor.”
“You claim you are physically fit to be mother. Did you check any doctor?”
“Yes doctor. My medical history indicated I had no problem.” I firmly confirmed.
“Did you get your husband checked for sperm quality and count?”
“No doctor. It looked quite obvious. I did not like him to be embarrassed.”
“You said, your husband was not able to satisfy you in bed. He was not active in bed. Did you check with any professionals?”
“No doctor, He was not comfortable with it.”
“What is the manhood size of your husband?”
“5 inches approximately”
“And your boyfriend’s”
“Approximately8 inches.”
“So, you got aghast by comparing sizes only. Anyway, did you try to pleasure yourself with sex toys?”
“Never.”
“You had premarital sexual experience. How many boyfriends did you have?”
“Only one. Prem was very possessive about his girlfriends. I also never felt to be physically or emotionally attached with others.”
“So, you were emotionally attached to your boyfriend?”
“Never.”
“Are you emotionally attached to your boyfriend now?”
“No.”
“But to your husband you repeatedly accepted your attachment with your boyfriend.”
“I had to. I wanted my husband to feel jealousy on our relationship.“
Dr. Preethi expressed in firm voice, “Yes Kavita. Quite possible you wanted your husband to become mad. Even it may be possible you wanted him to end his life. You concealed your true attachment as fake one.” Dr. Preethi was determined to make me accept.
My mind collapsed at the very thought of her idea. I vehemently objected, “No, No. Please doctor. Believe me I love him. I want to live with him. I don’t want any bad to him.”
“Yes, loved to death. You will be most beneficial if your husband commits suicide. You will inherit his properties. Subsequently you could marry your boyfriend.”
“Noooo. You are wrong. I want my husband to be cured. I love him. I love him a lot.” I was desperate this time.
“I agree with your statement that you want your husband to live. Otherwise you would not have been here. Please cooperate with me to understand. Explain your behavior of humiliating him. Please don’t hide anything from me. Accept the truth.”
After a pause she commanded, “Answer my questions straight forward. “
“You had an arranged marriage?”
“yes.”
“Was your husband virgin at the time of marriage?”
“I never discussed it with him. From his approach, I guess, he was virgin.”
“So, you did not disclose your pre-marriage relationship to your husband. When you found him impotent, why did not you divorce him?”
“In the very beginning, I could not seek divorce because of my parents. I also considered his condition as temporary and will improve with time. As time passed, I started loving my husband.”
“So, you made initial sacrifice for your parents, nor for your husband. Do you agree?”
I nodded my head in affirmative.
“Do your parents or his parents have any idea about these current situations?”
I nodded my head again in negative.
“Does your husband have any kind of bad habits like Gambling, addicted to porn, womanizer, extramarital affairs, cheating, theft etc., “
“No doctor. He has no bad habits.”
“Are you sure, you are not issuing false character certificate for your husband?”
I smiled, “It’s true. He does not have any bad habits. I know him very well.”
“Thank you for your generous character certificate. Hope you will not withdraw in future.”
“Never doctor.; He is really an awesome gentleman.” I re-certified again.
“Prem had manhandled your husband once. Quite possible, he was bullying him regularly. Do you have any knowledge?”
“My husband was average built person. Prem was much stronger. I had no knowledge if Prem had done such things in my absence. ” I accepted my ignorance.
“So you don’t reject the possibilities of Prem bullying your husband. Am I correct Kavita?”
I had to accept, “Yes doctor. It is possible.”
“Thank you Kavita, Now answer some very personal questions. Don’t feel embarrassed. How many times per week do you have sex with your boyfriend presently?”
I whispered, “Almost every day.”
“Did you involve in sexual activities with your husband during these periods?”
“I have tried many times. His manhood remained flaccid always.”
“Who initiates sex? You or your boyfriend?”
“Mostly he. Sometimes I also initiate when I feel too much horny?”
“Do you remember the situations, when you feel horny?”
“No doctor. I can’t be specific.”
“Think. It could be when your husband is humiliated or when your boyfriend was hounding your husband. Imagining your husband masturbating also may make you feel horny. It can be anything. Think over.”
I took time to answer. “Sorry doctor. I can’t correlate.”
“It’s OK Kavita.”
“How long does it last? I mean, the duration of penetrative sex?”
I shyly replied, “Almost half an hour.”
“Do you always enjoy sex with your boyfriend?”
“Mostly. “
“Do you get satisfaction after sex?”
“Mostly.”
“I am not talking about physical satisfaction. Are you mentally satisfied?”
‘Was I mentally satisfied? Never.’ I could not accept the truth. I took time to answer, “Rarely.”
“After sex do you feel guilty or remorse?”
“Yes doctor.”
“Did you try threesome?”
I was feeling shame. I almost whispered, “No doctor.”
“Did you enjoy homosexuality?”
“I have never been involved in homosexuality doctor.”
“Have you tried any type unnatural sex? Say Anal, BDSM etc.”
I protested spontaneously, “No doctor, never.” With some pause I continued,“Prem tried….” and stopped abruptly.
“Yes, please continue. Prem tried ……”
“Prem tried to convince me many a times. I did not allow him.”
“What made you to reject him?”
“I thought it weird; I thought it perverted.”
“You thought it weird? Whatever you boyfriend was doing, you found them acceptable. He was bullying your husband, he was humiliating your husband on every occasion, he was treating your husband like his personal slave; even he behaved barbarically with your husband. You had no complaint on anything happening to your husband. But you found it weird as you were directly involved. And you claim you love your husband?”
I could not answer her.
“Do you give him blowjob?”
“Yes doctor. He prefers in the morning.”
“And seven days per week? I presume.”
“Yes doctor.”
During college days you had physical relationship with Prem. What was the frequency of copulation at that time?
“We had sex only three times.”
“Did you feel horny that time also as you feel now a days.”
“No.”
“Are you sure? Please think and tell.”
I had lost track of the proceedings. In my wanton desire to suppress facts, I was committing mistakes. Gowri’s proceedings prior to me had made me nervous. I decided to adhere to truthiness henceforth.
“No doctor I am sure. Now a days I feel a crave for physical intimacy. Earlier I never felt horny.”
“Were you giving him blowjob that time also?”
“No doctor. Earlier I disliked sucking dick. Even after marriage, I did not suck my husband either. I started only after Prem forced me. “
“And you do enjoy it also now a days.”
I nodded my head in affirmative.
“Are you taking any sort of sex drug regularly? Some injection or pills.”
“No Doctor. The only medicines I take is birth control pills. Are you suspecting anything doctor?”
Dr. M Preethi immersed in deep thought. After some time she called the attendant and instructed something. “
“May I inject some medicine to you? This is anti depressant and helps you improve your moods.”
Though, I was surprised, did not object either
She continued after pushing medicine in my blood.
“What made you come to me?
“Life has become meaningless for me. I had lost confidence in my understanding. My relationship with my husband is in worst condition. I wanted to save my marriage. I sincerely wanted to break my relationship with Prem. Gowri broached upon the incident day before yesterday. When she informed her decision to break her relationship with Prem, I found a new hope, a ray of light in her decision. If she can do, why not I also. “
“A very good positive determination indeed. Do you like to share anything more?”
“No doctor.”
Dr. M Preethi came to the point directly.
“The very first thing I want to inform is your husband appears not to be a cuckold. I need to analyze some inter related facts. You may think it irrelevant. I insist on your concentration and participation. This will definitely be of great help in your future life, to arrive at certain decisions. Before giving justifications on that account, I will prefer to check your husband. When can you bring him for consultancy?”
I made my concern clear to doctor, “I have to consult and convince my husband prior to fixing an appointment. But that may take some time. If you kindly elaborate your points, it will be helpful to convince my husband.”
Dr. Preethi suggested. “Some homework is needed from my side. We will meet sometime in the afternoon “After some thought she informed, “It may be quite late evening. I will try to reduce your waiting.”
My husband was not cuckold. I knew he was not. Confirmation by Dr. M Preethi made my heart stopped briefly. I still needed to find out the exact reasons for my husband accepting feminine dressing on first instant. Most baffling was his stoic silence for three weeks into my sexual relationship with Prem. He was well aware of it but still remained confined within self. What exactly happened on that fateful Saturday? What did Manu discover in Prem’s trunk which changed him completely?
Kavita:
Next day morning Prem asked for coffee.
“I will get your coffee.” I tried to make a move.
Prem stopped me and phoned Manu for Coffee. Prem behaved with Manu like master & slave.
Gowri interfered in Prem’s action, “Prem I think, you have forgotten that you are guest of this house and the person you are ordering is host. Give him proper respect.”
Instead of feeling shame, Prem laughed, “Respect to PB? You are surprising me Gowri. How is he to be respected, you propose? You know very well that he is a pervert.”
“His perversion is not proved beyond doubt. I expected a better behavior form you. ”Gowri asserted disapprovingly.
Prem was stubborn & obstinate, “C’mon Gowri. Don’t be silly. Manu’s perversion is well proved. He himself asked for my help and Kavita is well aware of it. I am really behaving very nicely with him to order coffee only. I should have ordered him …..” Prem stopped before finishing.
“Shame on you Prem! ”Gowri howled covering her face in shame.
It appeared to me that Prem wanted to finish, “I should have ordered him to lick my dick, to fuck his wife. ”He could not be blamed entirely. Instead of clippings his wings, I only had allowed him to flap.
My face became red in shame and anguish, “Stop Prem! Enough is enough. My obligation has some limits. Earlier also I reprimanded you. Don’t get complacent on my compulsions always.”
Prem was not prepared for this. He fumbled to reason. Meekly he protested, “Earlier you only made him serve here. I have only followed your path.”Clearly he was defensive.
I hissed at him, “That’s between my husband and I. It’s none of your business, Prem. Be within your limits of houseguest. Sunday is not far away.” I had to cut him short.
His inflated balloon collapsed. Prem controlled his anger in utter frustration keeping his face down. Seeing his plight, I smiled to myself, “Just one more night Prem and everything will get settled. Let me settle the issue with Gowri first. You have to pay for your all wrongdoings.”
Prem was not first time commenting obscene on Manu. Rather he had made a nasty habit to pass many derogatory remarks on Manu in past also. He was physically bullying Manu from the very beginning. Though I had reprimanded him many times, I had subdued sanctions over it. I had always allowed sinking the issue on lighter tone. I had my compulsions. He was much more polite & sober today compared to my rude behavior to Manu. What made me to react? Was it because of my predicament? Or was it the redemption of frustration? Or was it my face saving to Gowri and myself? I could not ascertain.
To evade embarrassment, I made Manu leave soon after collecting the coffee tray on doorway.
Immediately after breakfast, Prem left. He needed to arrange accommodation. Gowri was first to be ready. Manu approached me for laundry the moment I came out of bedroom. He addressed me ‘Madam’, “Madam, if you please hand over the laundry, I will keep them clean & dry.”
Deeply embarrassed I whispered, “Why do you call me madam, Manu? I am your wife. Furthermore, you are not servant of this house. I will take care of laundry tomorrow. “
Manu did not relent. He emphasized, “Please Madam, it’s also my duty to keep your guests comfortable. Moreover, you are quite busy with the guests presently. I will be free to keep the laundry ready. I know, I need more training for improvement. Earlier mistakes will not be repeated, I assure. I will hand wash your sensitive garments.” Then, came his absolute surrender, “I will ensure no stains remain on them.”
Instantaneously my face became red. Literally I ran to bedroom to hide my face. I collapsed on the bed covering my face with my hands. Not long before, I had asked him to clean my dresses strained with seamen of Prem. I humiliated him pointing out the spots, "Manu, please wash them thoroughly if you are going to offer to wash them. I don't like to put on clothes dirty after washing, or clothes with soap stains."
It was not soap stains, he knew, I knew. That time I did force him to rinse my stained dresses again. Presently just mention about it caused humiliation in me. I could imagine how much he had been humiliated that day. What would have I done in his position? I could break mentally. I could walk out of married life. He tolerated all humiliation only for me. He accepted everything on hope of getting me back. I easily could have avoided his humiliation! I should have controlled my emotion! The acceptance of my blatant wrongdoing was not helping me either. I was feeling more remorse.
“The stains in dresses had gone. Will I ever be able to remove the stains I had deposited in his mind?”
Suddenly, I remembered, Manu was waiting outside. I quickly collected a few machine washable dresses in a bucket to hand over.
He looked at my face briefly before putting his face down.
I could not see his eyes properly. All the time his face was down. My husband has accepted his defeat. I only have forced him to this state. I hesitated for some time before went to bedroom to collect the clothes. His changed behavior since he had seen my belly ring pendant was crystal clear. I should have rejoiced. It should have been my triumph. I wanted him to submit to my terms & conditions uninhibitedly, to achieve my goal. Why was his submission causing remorse in my mind? Was it because I myself was cheated in submission? Was it because of setback in my plan? I wondered.
***
We hopped in malls doing window shopping before reaching the clinic well before time, to get some advanced knowledge about Dr. Preethi. The first impression on Dr. Preethi was impressive. She was punctual and straightforward. All the patients available around, whom we could speak, appeared to be very happy with her treatment. They respected her as goddess. Gowri was satisfied on our selection of Doctor.
We both were called into chamber. Dr. Preethi was a charming lady in hermid-50
After we both took our seat, I introduced myself as Mrs. Megha Joshi and Gowri as Vidya.”
After formal introduction and brief hovering on irrelevant matters, Dr. Preethi fixed her eyes on my face. She was looking straight into my eyes as if reading my thoughts.
She jumped into business professionally, “Before we start any discussion, I want you to trust me completely and not to hide anything. Unless you trust me completely, I won’t be able to justify my profession. From my side I assure you confidentiality. No third party will ever have any knowledge of what we discuss here unless you decide otherwise or I decide purely on medical grounds for further studies for benefit of my patients.Mrs. Megha, do you agree?”
“Yes doctor. I agree”
“Are you comfortable in presence of your friend? Otherwise she can wait outside. ”Dr. Preethi suggested.
“Not required doctor.,Vidya knows everything.”
“That’s fine. Please brief me about your purpose.”
“I want to discuss some very personal about my husband. His change in behavior is making me scares. “I was a bit hesitant.
“What are your apprehensions?
“I want to know, if my husband is cuckold.” I expressed myself as quick as possible.
“What’s make you think this way?”
I took some time to answer. Putting my face down, in timid voice I narrated, “Since marriage we did not have proper sexual life. He was almost impotent. Almost 3 years of our stay in US,I suffered, but never relented. Especially in our outings, I have noticed that, whenever, we were in beaches, he would constantly stare at the semi-naked hunks. Back home, he would very often admired body shapes of different men. Sometimes he would talk about their endowment sizes. He would compare them with himself and imagined me with them in bed. I thought it was his wild fantasy and allowed it to go off. We shifted back to India. There was no improvement in situation. Recently one of my college friends joined us as house guest. My husband started imagining me with him. Very often he encourages me to his bedroom. I have tried to initiate intimacy with my husband without success. His manhood remains limp. He enjoys cross dressing. The worst is, he is behaving like a submissive slave to my friend. I love him. I want him to be cured.” I put my head down on table sobbing.
I did not realize when Dr. Preethi walked beside me. She put her hand on my head softly as if to console me, “Kavita?”
“Yes doctor.” I realized immediately, I have been caught.
She started speaking very slowly, “First wipe off your eyes. I am sorry; I cannot be your consultant. You don’t trust me and even kept your identity concealed. The most important bond of Doctor-Patient relationship is broken. There is every chance of your not revealing truth to manipulate your claims. My objective is to help patients to face the truth by removing anxiety and fears; not to compromise with truth. On principle, I don’t entertain such patients. I am instructing reception to return your fees. You may please leave now. “ She was not angry. She appeared to be gloomy but confident.
“Doctor. I am sorry; I have made mistakes. I concealed my identity out of shame. Please give me one more chance. Believe me I am in distress. Please help me.” I pleaded with doctor. Gowri also joined me to placate Dr. Preethi.
“I believe you are in distress. But your approach is not proper. You go back home and decide first what exactly you want. Revelation of truth or compromise with truth, decision is yours. “ Dr. Preethi made her intentions very clear.
She was firm but we were relentless.
Finally, she mended with our assurances that we will be truthful.
“Please wait outside. You may take a chance, if I can manage time after the last patient. Though, I am not promising. ” She made her objective clear.
“Thank you, doctor., for your kind consideration. ” We both expressed our gratitude before exiting her chamber.
We both waited patiently. I offered Gowri to return home which she firmly denied.
At night 10 pm receptionist informed us to come next day at 9am.
“Tomorrow is Sunday. You mean it on Monday 9 AM?” I asked to verify.
“Normally all Sundays are reserved for case studies and testing. Only very critical cases are entertained. Your special appointment is fixed on Sunday, i.e. tomorrow morning at 9AM. Please come on time.” Receptionist clarified.
We thanked her and departed.
In cab, I could methodically inspect over the incidents. How Dr Preethi came to know about my original name? While we were seated in the waiting hall, Gowri always addressed me by Didi. So there was no chance of leakage. The preliminary declaration form was filled up by me only. Possibilities of making silly mistakes were not ruled out, considering my anxiety. But there could be another possibility. Did Gowri play in my back? Though not impossible, but what will be her motive? I could not resolve. I decided not to bring her inside during consultation. I should not repeat the mistake.
On the way we packed dinner for four persons. By the time we reached Home, Manu was locked in his bedroom. Prem returned within 10 minutes of our arrival.
***********
Next day morning, seeing us dressing up, Prem announced, “You girls appear to be in festival mood. Alas! If could join for a gala time. No way, I got some assignment to complete by today. I will be late to be back.” We did not bother to his announcement.
By the time we reached the clinic, it was 8:30.
Dr. Preethi entered sharp at 9 AM. She wished us and signaled Gowri to come inside before entering her consultancy room. It was a jolt in my planning. The trick Dr. Preethi played was beyond my imagination. Clearly she had downplayed me. Clearly she believed I could manipulate events. I could not imagine on how much bin Gowri would spill inside. Still it was better that Gowri was called first; I would get some chance to discuss with her before my turn. I could have been embarrassed much more had Gowri been called after me. She was determined to prove Manu not a cuckold. She had considered Manu’s cuckoldry was a nasty play by Prem. She was correct in her assessment. Did she doubt my role also?
While I was waiting outside, lab assistant collected my blood and urine samples. Previous day, I had observed them doing same for some patients. I did not object.
After almost an hour and half,I was called inside. On door opening sound, Gowri looked back. Her face was pale devoid of presence of any blood. Her state of face and appearance clearly indicated her mental condition. She appeared to have experienced hell in immediate past. Gowri was asked to wait outside. I looked at her face clearly, when she crossed me. She was definitely weeping a short while ago. I hobbled slowly in trepidation.
“Sit down Kavita. Please give me details from beginning. For your information, our discussion will be recorded. “
“Doctor I don’t want Gowri to know our discussion. I want your assurance.” I expressed my concern.
“You are assured; she will not be informed anything of our discussion. Please be truthful.”Dr. Preethi reassured.
I did not require another reminder to be truthful. Also, what Gowri had spilled in I had no idea. I had no option but to speak truth. However, I had to continue my husband’s cuckoldry. I decided to suppress some facts; let her think bad of me. Convincing Gowri was the need of the hour. This time I explained her all details starting from our marriage to till today’s incident. She patiently listened to me while occasionally taking some notes.
***
I briefed my story, “After marriage we settled in US for three years. In the very beginning of our marriage, I was disappointed beyond imagination. Performance of my husband in bed was abysmal. His staying power was also very less. Within a few minutes he would spend up. I remained unsatisfied always. Slowly I started learning to adjust with the terms of realty. He was a fantastic person otherwise. I started avoiding disturbing him to the extent possible, unless physical needs overpowered my mental resistance. I could clearly feel his dismay and insecurity over his performance in bed. I could help him only by suppressing my urge. We both were struggling. I was struggling to suppress my strong libido. He was struggling to improve his performance. I never thought of cheating him. I loved him.”
“Whenever we were on outing, I could see the happy couples everywhere. Psychologically, I was feeling pathetic. Many times in beach; I would stare at the bulging of other men and preoccupied thinking what I was missing. I started dressing a bit revealing to get attractions of others. I started enjoying others attentions on my physique. I could feel other men cherishing over my body with their eyes. Sometimes, while spending sleepless nights, I used to think all above and started blaming my fate. Slowly it became my habit to fantasize different sexual encounters I was not getting in my life. I did not cheat him. Even coming back to India, I had no intention to commit adultery. Year passed as usual. My struggle with my unsatisfied body and mind continued. I had no hobbies to kill time. I even could not get pregnant without any problem of mine. Every day, after departure of my husband for work, I got submersed in my pathetic life.”
“I had always maintained contact with my old college friends. Prem got to know about our settling in Bangalore. After about a year of our shifting to Bangalore, one day he proposed to stay in our house as guest for short duration to attend his courses in Bangalore. I was excited in the proposal. I got thrilled remembering our old relationship. I had physical relationship with him earlier before marriage during our college days. A few more times does not make any difference, I reasoned myself.I was looking for a pure physical relationship. “
“Within a week, Prem informed that my husband was cuckold. In the beginning I did not buy his idea. He proved me every time that he was right. I faked my attachment to my friend. My husband accepted it as true. He accepted feminine dresses willingly. He started saving his body hairs to look more feminine. I had never observed his sissy tendencies earlier. Prem started touching me inappropriately at every opportunity in presence of my husband. My husband did not object. I started dressing boldly during my outings with Prem. It appeared my husband was enjoying as he never objected strongly. Subdued he encouraged me. I submitted to my lust. What I presumed to be only a few times started repeating in regular interval. We were creating opportunities. Initially we were mating in absence of my husband. I got convinced that he was enjoying seeing me with other man. To be ensured, I started giving him hints of my adulterous sexual relationship with Prem. My husband did not confront me.”
“We started mating in his presence at home. One day I made him lick me immediately after my union with Prem. At my dismay, my husband did it, knowing very well about our mating. I got convinced that he was a cuckold. I openly started sleeping with Prem. There was no strong protest from my husband. Prem convinced me that my husband would enjoy seeing us copulating. I arranged bed lamp and kept bedroom door open. I have witnessed my husband masturbating seeing us together in bed.”
“Gowri was engaged with Prem. One weekend Prem brought Gowri in our house to spend time with her. My husband tried to contact Gowri on next Monday. What inspired him to contact Gowri was not clear. My husband did not divulge the exact reasons of contacting Gowri. Immediately next weekend my husband contemplated me to share Prem’s room with Gowri. He was even found eves dropping.”
“Many a times I expressed my attachment with Prem to humiliate him. He was unperturbed. I started behaving with him like maid servant.I wanted my husband to hate me. He did not. I wanted to hate my husband. I could not. I started hating myself. I want him to get cured. I love him. Can you save him doctor?” I was sobbing continuously.
***
On completion of my narration Dr. Preethi was very specific, “So you want me to believe that in the beginning,your adultery was for satisfying your physical needs and nothing else.”
“Yes doctor. I love my husband. My engagement with Prem is purely physical. Now I am worried for my husband. He is showing symptom of cuckoldry. Believe me doctor, I have told you all facts. Just tell me, is my husband is cuckold?”
“it will be too early to draw any conclusion. I will explain you everything with logical reasoning. First answer my questions. Please don’t make any guess.”
“You claim, your only aim was physical pleasure only. Am I correct?”
“Yes doctor.”
“You claim you are physically fit to be mother. Did you check any doctor?”
“Yes doctor. My medical history indicated I had no problem.” I firmly confirmed.
“Did you get your husband checked for sperm quality and count?”
“No doctor. It looked quite obvious. I did not like him to be embarrassed.”
“You said, your husband was not able to satisfy you in bed. He was not active in bed. Did you check with any professionals?”
“No doctor, He was not comfortable with it.”
“What is the manhood size of your husband?”
“5 inches approximately”
“And your boyfriend’s”
“Approximately8 inches.”
“So, you got aghast by comparing sizes only. Anyway, did you try to pleasure yourself with sex toys?”
“Never.”
“You had premarital sexual experience. How many boyfriends did you have?”
“Only one. Prem was very possessive about his girlfriends. I also never felt to be physically or emotionally attached with others.”
“So, you were emotionally attached to your boyfriend?”
“Never.”
“Are you emotionally attached to your boyfriend now?”
“No.”
“But to your husband you repeatedly accepted your attachment with your boyfriend.”
“I had to. I wanted my husband to feel jealousy on our relationship.“
Dr. Preethi expressed in firm voice, “Yes Kavita. Quite possible you wanted your husband to become mad. Even it may be possible you wanted him to end his life. You concealed your true attachment as fake one.” Dr. Preethi was determined to make me accept.
My mind collapsed at the very thought of her idea. I vehemently objected, “No, No. Please doctor. Believe me I love him. I want to live with him. I don’t want any bad to him.”
“Yes, loved to death. You will be most beneficial if your husband commits suicide. You will inherit his properties. Subsequently you could marry your boyfriend.”
“Noooo. You are wrong. I want my husband to be cured. I love him. I love him a lot.” I was desperate this time.
“I agree with your statement that you want your husband to live. Otherwise you would not have been here. Please cooperate with me to understand. Explain your behavior of humiliating him. Please don’t hide anything from me. Accept the truth.”
After a pause she commanded, “Answer my questions straight forward. “
“You had an arranged marriage?”
“yes.”
“Was your husband virgin at the time of marriage?”
“I never discussed it with him. From his approach, I guess, he was virgin.”
“So, you did not disclose your pre-marriage relationship to your husband. When you found him impotent, why did not you divorce him?”
“In the very beginning, I could not seek divorce because of my parents. I also considered his condition as temporary and will improve with time. As time passed, I started loving my husband.”
“So, you made initial sacrifice for your parents, nor for your husband. Do you agree?”
I nodded my head in affirmative.
“Do your parents or his parents have any idea about these current situations?”
I nodded my head again in negative.
“Does your husband have any kind of bad habits like Gambling, addicted to porn, womanizer, extramarital affairs, cheating, theft etc., “
“No doctor. He has no bad habits.”
“Are you sure, you are not issuing false character certificate for your husband?”
I smiled, “It’s true. He does not have any bad habits. I know him very well.”
“Thank you for your generous character certificate. Hope you will not withdraw in future.”
“Never doctor.; He is really an awesome gentleman.” I re-certified again.
“Prem had manhandled your husband once. Quite possible, he was bullying him regularly. Do you have any knowledge?”
“My husband was average built person. Prem was much stronger. I had no knowledge if Prem had done such things in my absence. ” I accepted my ignorance.
“So you don’t reject the possibilities of Prem bullying your husband. Am I correct Kavita?”
I had to accept, “Yes doctor. It is possible.”
“Thank you Kavita, Now answer some very personal questions. Don’t feel embarrassed. How many times per week do you have sex with your boyfriend presently?”
I whispered, “Almost every day.”
“Did you involve in sexual activities with your husband during these periods?”
“I have tried many times. His manhood remained flaccid always.”
“Who initiates sex? You or your boyfriend?”
“Mostly he. Sometimes I also initiate when I feel too much horny?”
“Do you remember the situations, when you feel horny?”
“No doctor. I can’t be specific.”
“Think. It could be when your husband is humiliated or when your boyfriend was hounding your husband. Imagining your husband masturbating also may make you feel horny. It can be anything. Think over.”
I took time to answer. “Sorry doctor. I can’t correlate.”
“It’s OK Kavita.”
“How long does it last? I mean, the duration of penetrative sex?”
I shyly replied, “Almost half an hour.”
“Do you always enjoy sex with your boyfriend?”
“Mostly. “
“Do you get satisfaction after sex?”
“Mostly.”
“I am not talking about physical satisfaction. Are you mentally satisfied?”
‘Was I mentally satisfied? Never.’ I could not accept the truth. I took time to answer, “Rarely.”
“After sex do you feel guilty or remorse?”
“Yes doctor.”
“Did you try threesome?”
I was feeling shame. I almost whispered, “No doctor.”
“Did you enjoy homosexuality?”
“I have never been involved in homosexuality doctor.”
“Have you tried any type unnatural sex? Say Anal, BDSM etc.”
I protested spontaneously, “No doctor, never.” With some pause I continued,“Prem tried….” and stopped abruptly.
“Yes, please continue. Prem tried ……”
“Prem tried to convince me many a times. I did not allow him.”
“What made you to reject him?”
“I thought it weird; I thought it perverted.”
“You thought it weird? Whatever you boyfriend was doing, you found them acceptable. He was bullying your husband, he was humiliating your husband on every occasion, he was treating your husband like his personal slave; even he behaved barbarically with your husband. You had no complaint on anything happening to your husband. But you found it weird as you were directly involved. And you claim you love your husband?”
I could not answer her.
“Do you give him blowjob?”
“Yes doctor. He prefers in the morning.”
“And seven days per week? I presume.”
“Yes doctor.”
During college days you had physical relationship with Prem. What was the frequency of copulation at that time?
“We had sex only three times.”
“Did you feel horny that time also as you feel now a days.”
“No.”
“Are you sure? Please think and tell.”
I had lost track of the proceedings. In my wanton desire to suppress facts, I was committing mistakes. Gowri’s proceedings prior to me had made me nervous. I decided to adhere to truthiness henceforth.
“No doctor I am sure. Now a days I feel a crave for physical intimacy. Earlier I never felt horny.”
“Were you giving him blowjob that time also?”
“No doctor. Earlier I disliked sucking dick. Even after marriage, I did not suck my husband either. I started only after Prem forced me. “
“And you do enjoy it also now a days.”
I nodded my head in affirmative.
“Are you taking any sort of sex drug regularly? Some injection or pills.”
“No Doctor. The only medicines I take is birth control pills. Are you suspecting anything doctor?”
Dr. M Preethi immersed in deep thought. After some time she called the attendant and instructed something. “
“May I inject some medicine to you? This is anti depressant and helps you improve your moods.”
Though, I was surprised, did not object either
She continued after pushing medicine in my blood.
“What made you come to me?
“Life has become meaningless for me. I had lost confidence in my understanding. My relationship with my husband is in worst condition. I wanted to save my marriage. I sincerely wanted to break my relationship with Prem. Gowri broached upon the incident day before yesterday. When she informed her decision to break her relationship with Prem, I found a new hope, a ray of light in her decision. If she can do, why not I also. “
“A very good positive determination indeed. Do you like to share anything more?”
“No doctor.”
Dr. M Preethi came to the point directly.
“The very first thing I want to inform is your husband appears not to be a cuckold. I need to analyze some inter related facts. You may think it irrelevant. I insist on your concentration and participation. This will definitely be of great help in your future life, to arrive at certain decisions. Before giving justifications on that account, I will prefer to check your husband. When can you bring him for consultancy?”
I made my concern clear to doctor, “I have to consult and convince my husband prior to fixing an appointment. But that may take some time. If you kindly elaborate your points, it will be helpful to convince my husband.”
Dr. Preethi suggested. “Some homework is needed from my side. We will meet sometime in the afternoon “After some thought she informed, “It may be quite late evening. I will try to reduce your waiting.”
My husband was not cuckold. I knew he was not. Confirmation by Dr. M Preethi made my heart stopped briefly. I still needed to find out the exact reasons for my husband accepting feminine dressing on first instant. Most baffling was his stoic silence for three weeks into my sexual relationship with Prem. He was well aware of it but still remained confined within self. What exactly happened on that fateful Saturday? What did Manu discover in Prem’s trunk which changed him completely?
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