08-10-2020, 05:55 AM
(This post was last modified: 08-10-2020, 06:12 AM by manasi. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
27.2
Manu
Saturday morning, I got up at the sound of my phone. It was now turn of Prem to order me coffee. He was presently head of family of the two-bedroom flat. Before knocking the door, with four cups of coffee, I mentally prepared myself for a live show of my wife’s subdued submission. I heard some very low voice mumbling could be an argument. Kavita opened the door, even before my knock. It was a shock for me. She was dressed in same shalwar Kameez of previous night. After a long time, I saw her on weekend morning in respectable dress. Presently she smiled at me, “Good morning, Manu.”
I kept my face down and did not return her wish back. Mornings were no longer good for me. She handed over my cup to me before taking the tray inside. As an exception to previous week’s routine, I was not welcome inside. She had already demonstrated my cuckoldry. I was not allowed to disturb their privacy. I made a quick glance at the bed, before turning. Prem & Gowri apparently appeared to be serious from their facial appearances. Most probably they were having some heated arguments, paused in my presence. “Does Gowri know about hidden intention of Kavita and Prem? Is she unhappy on Prem for making Kavita pregnant?” I chided myself over my silly, irrational thinking. They are birds of same feather flocking together. It could be another clever ploy to divert my mind after last night’s show.
Prem left soon after breakfast. Both ladies locked them up in Prem’s bedroom. Gowri emerged first dressed in sari and walked slowly to occupy one single seater-sofa, exactly opposite to me. First time I saw her in traditional Indian attire. She averted her eyes the instant I looked at her. She appeared to be hiding herself from my gaze. Her looks had changed from mystic confused state to curious.
Seeing Kavita emerged from Prem’s bedroom, I trudged near her. She was also dressed in an attractive sari. Her sari was tied at the level of belly button obscuring the pendant. It was confirmed again, pendant marked with A.A was conceived for a private display for special person. “Madam, if you please hand over the laundry, I will keep them clean & dry.” I politely requested Kavita keeping my face down.
“Why do you call me madam, Manu? I am your wife. Furthermore, you are not servant of this house. I will take care of laundry tomorrow. “Kavita emphasized in low whispery voice.
My wife! Was she joking with Me.? I thought. Two consecutive weekends, she had forced me serve coffee in Prem’s bedroom. She was clinging to her lover in compromising position. I could sense a greater conspiracy in her behaviour. Politely I replied in clear voice, “Please Madam, it’s also my duty to keep your guests comfortable. Moreover, you are quite busy with the guests presently. I will be free to keep the laundry ready.” Briefly I looked at her and added firmly, “I know, I need more training for improvement. Earlier mistakes will not be repeated, I assure. I will handwash your sensitive garments.” I became more polite, “I will ensure no stains remain on them.” Gowri must have heard me. I did not bother. I had nothing more to hide in this world.
She became red faced and put her face down appeared to be deeply embarrassed. She hurriedly moved back to bedroom to cover her expression. After some time, she was back with the laundry, still her face down. She whispered, briefly lifting her face, “Have lunch in time. Don’t think much. Give rest to your body and mind.”
She was looking at me inquisitively. Was she expecting an answer? Rest to body was acceptable but why rest of mind? What she was implying? Was there any links to her belly ring pendant and my mental rest? She was advising me not to thing deep into her intentions, her affairs. Again, she was showing her mischievous care and attachment. Definitely, she was scheming something grave against me. I was determined not to fall prey to her deliberate intention. Deftly, she was manipulating my mind again. I silently walked away with the washing load to hide my resentment.
“Going for a temple visit for seeking blessings for her baby.”, I thought. And it struck me again. Maybe she was visiting dargah. I had no idea what women do in dargah for fulfilment of their desires. Belly ring pendant could have been a part of the rituals. She most probably was moving on the path of changing faith and a new name, a prerequisite for Sunday’s auspicious ceremony. The very idea of two burqa and veil clad women roaming in the house further pulled down my already depressed mood.
Soon they left.
Opportunity arrived to ascertain my doubt. My trembling legs took me near the medicine box. My hands were shaking. I got fumbled with the packets in anticipation. I opened the pack and next moment I found them. Unlike before, there were either full strips or empty strips. I did check the pills 10 days before. I vaguely remembered the strip was less than half empty. Could be opposite also, less than half filled. I could not exactly remember the empty slots in the strip to arrive at a definite conclusion. Possibly she was in pills. She could have been in periods and taken the last pill yesterday. May be she had already stopped taking pills and systematically, discarding one pill every day... Possibilities of putting my mind into camouflage, was not ruled out. She was capable of doing it aptly. Painfully I acknowledged not remembering the date of her last period. We did never have regular sex. Also, she never declared about her period expressively. It was a taboo for her. She always maintained secrecy on her periods in the same manner she hid her pre-nuptial affairs. I decided to re-check the pills on earliest opportunity. This time I did not make any mistake to count the full strips.
Exactly, what am I going to do knowing her intension of getting married or pregnant? She walked into her lover’s bedroom in front of my eyes. I could not stop her. On the contrary, she actually made me shift her luggage to Prem’s room. As if she was telling, “Henceforth, I am Prem’s woman. He owns my body & mind completely. You transfer your rights over me to Prem. However, as a token of gratitude for your submissiveness, I will grant you privileges to take care of my social status and financial needs.” I did oblige.
She had already informed of her special concerns with her boyfriend. Shortly she will declare, “Right now, I am carrying Prem’s baby in my womb. However, as a token of gratitude for your submissiveness, I will grant you privileges to take care social and financial status of my baby.” Her baby! Their baby!
“Should I oblige?’ I questioned myself?
There was instantaneous reply from my mind, “No, you can’t do that Manu. This will mark the end of your identity. Find a better solution than accepting it. You have many options. Be courageous to adhere to the best one. You have the capability. Decide and act. I am always in your support.”
I agreed, my options were not limited.
I quickly finished laundry job. Surprisingly, there were no under garments. I opened the refrigerator to fill my stomach. Like before, there was a note. “You did not have your dinner properly. Worm the food before consuming. Take care of your health. I will get dinner while returning.
Again she was expressing her dubious love & care. I cautioned myself again, I should not fall prey to her game plan. I consumed the food quickly to be with myself - alone.
Finally, I was ready to inspect my options critically. “What are the options left with me?” I thought. I deliberated over the possible options
The very first option came to my mind was ending life.”Committing suicide has become very common of late. Easy, painless methods are available to ensure hassle free death. But, committing suicide will ensure my defeat. I don’t want to be defeated by Prem. I have endured so much not to accept my defeat so easily. They will rejoice over my dead body. But, what about my parents, what are their faults? Outside my marital life, I have another life with my parents. They had made a lot of silent sacrifices for my wellbeing. They carry dreams on my prosperity, on my happiness. Am I entitled to shatter their hopes for a woman, a woman, who is cheating her husband in adulterous life? I agree of loving my wife a lot. It does not state that I don’t love my parents. They will break on my death. I can’t cause so much pain to them for a whore. Yes, I agree or not, her present behaviour is comparable with a whore only. She has been transformed into a depraved, slavish personal whore for Amir. There was no point on arguing over it. By avoiding sacrificing my life, I can be a solace of my parents. They had supported me in my childhood. I must support them when they need it more. I cannot be selfish for a whore. I cannot cheat my parents for a cheater.”
Committing suicide was not at all acceptable, I resolved.
Next option I deliberated killing either or both of them. “It is very easy for me to poison them over food. The idea of killing life stopped my heart momentarily. I could not contribute to creating a life. Shamefully, I am thinking of taking a life. God has created a life. Do I have any right to stop a life? Just thought of killing a life for a silly cause put me in squabble. -People do take lives for noble causes. Agreed, they have caused pain to me physically and mentally. Is this cause qualifying for noble enough to take their lives? I sensed self-created humiliation. I vehemently opted against it.”
“They also could have poisoned me systematically. They have shown mercy by not killing me. Taking a life is a heinous crime. Mind crumbles to near death. It is not causing death to someone in isolation; simultaneously it kills the murderer also. By causing death to them, I will kill my mind, my conscious. I will have to lead a dreaded life devoid of mental peace throughout my life. I may hide my heinous act from the society or law, but will never be able to hide from myself.”
“And, if I fail to hide? What next? I will be lingering in Jail, if not hanged. Again, I will disgrace my parents. I will be a good cause for their eternal misery. Every moment they will pray for my death along with their own death. Not a good idea at all.”
Taking lives was not at all acceptable, I resolved.
Next, I reflected on divorce. “Proving her infidelity will not be a big problem. Evidences can easily be gathered. Probably, I won’t be required to pay alimony also. She also could have opted for same. For some strange reasons, she did never press for it. She was sleeping with her boyfriend for last two months. She could have easily get divorce and married him. It’s clear; she did not want a divorce. Her ultimate aim suggests for her continual physical relationship with Prem, bear his children and enjoy the comfort & honour in society at my expense. Enjoy the benefit of both worlds at the same time. This necessitated for my sissy cuckolding submission to her will. There could be others reasons for her not seeking divorce till date. She was weighing my reactions. She may be negotiating with her parents. Presently, after obtaining green signals, she decided to advance.”
“This should not be a deterrence for me seeking a divorce. Going through her credentials, she may not accept a mutual one. My inadequacy will come for a discussion. The problem is my family & friends will come to know. My physical weakness confined within four walls will be public. Presently, Prem, Gowri & Kavita are laughing on my misery. Tomorrow, the whole world will laugh at me. I will have to face the grave reality in front of all known people, my office colleagues, my friends circle, her friend circle, my relatives and her relatives. She will be humiliated for her adultery, but she may get some sympathy. What will I achieve? My divorce only will bring unbearable humiliation for self and family. I can’t bear that humiliation. Not only me but my parents also will be humiliated. I can’t afford to disgrace them. They may end their lives to escape from the harsh truth.”
“Story after divorce on my side was not encouraging al all. On the other side, what Kavita would do? I had thought on it earlier also. She will face immense scorn from society as well. Re-marriage of a divorcee woman is not easy in a society in India. Again, society is not forgiving of adulterous women. Her parents most probably will denounce her. It was not like Amir was going to support her. She would have to manage on her own, and probably would have to resume working. Amir is not likely going to give her easy freedom. He is a womaniser. He had many relationships in past, as evident from the album apart from the present two. For him a woman is nothing but a pussy. Sooner or later, she will have to go back to Amir for help. Chances for Amir marrying Kavita are very remote and even he does so, she will be one out of four. The kind of preying guy he seemed to be; he might peddle out her body.”I shrieked in horror in bare imagination.
“Again, society is changing. People around do no longer keep the memory live for long. Kavita may be enthusiastic in new faith and sharing life with other women. Similar examples are not entirely uncommon in society. She knows Prem since college days. His womanising character is well known to her. Possibly, precisely this may be the reason for her attraction to Prem. They must have discussed and finalised everything. It’s a matter of time before I am dumped.”
“Agreed, she had contemplated in my physical and mental humiliation. She along with her boyfriend has caused unforgettable damage to my entity. But she was my wife. She is still my wife. I had taken a vow to take care of her in all situations. I could not stop her from adultery. She had decided on her own to cheat on me. It does not entitle me to push her to destruction. Her inhuman behaviour should not be a reason for me to denounce humanity. If she seeks divorce, it’s different. I should not add misery to her life.”
I opted against seeking divorce.
Next, I pondered on the option of getting external help.
“Always there was an option to go to security officer against my physical and mental torture. Proving may not be easy but will definitely reduce my tortures. As such, since Kavita’s shifting to Prem, I had not been physically bullied by Prem except for that Monday when I tried to contact Gowri, his bitch. It was my fault, I over stepped into his personal space. By contacting security officer, I will be dragged into legal battle. First thing I will be asked for my motive behind keeping quiet for such a long period. I may be coerced to accept my forceful cuckoldry as true. Presently the way Kavita is keeping Amir’s side, she may allege my wistful desire as the cause of her adultery. Instead of putting them in trouble, I will be behind bar for forcing a woman to compromise on her modesty. Without help of Kavita, which is not likely to come considering her present attachment, I will definitely lose the legal battle. The best outcome I can expect, I may be advised to seek divorce. There was also a chance of being extorted by security officer for dubious reasons. All security officer officers are not honest. Even, otherwise also, what will I achieve? I will end my life in long legal battle. Can I stop her getting pregnant by Prem? No, there will not be any improvement in my status except additional encumbrance of security officer interference.”
“Even if everything goes in my favour, what am I going to achieve? Law will force Kavita staying with me. Her flesh & blood only will be with me. No law in this world can force a mind against its wishes. Physically, she will be with me but her mind will roam with Prem. What should I do with her flesh & blood devoid of mind? A dead body! Every moment she will loath me for my revengeful attitude. I can’t bear this burden.
I opted to discard this option also.
Only option left was dislocating me. “Prospect of returning back to US appeared more viable, else I can continue with present job in some other city. This will give me immediate piece of mind. Neither there will be any physical & mental turmoil nor will I be forced to witness their relentless, obscene sexual extravaganza. I have belief in myself. I may get chance to establish myself, prove my potentials elsewhere. Obviously, I will miss her. My marital life will be over. Marital life? “I paused for a while to rethink again. “I don’t have any marital life presently. The difference will be in proximity and nothing else.”
“My relocation will automatically put to an end to their relationship in this house. Officially, our parents will be informed of my relocation. She will not have any pretext to continue staying in this house alone in my absence for long. She will be forced to take a definitive decision. One of the three options she has to choose. Move with me, stay with her mother or move out with Prem. Continuing staying with Prem in this house for long will attract unwanted attention of housing society and especially immediate neighbours. She will also have to answer to her parents with solid reasons for staying back. This is most unlikely event to happen.”
“So, it is certain, she will have to select any one of the three options. First two options will automatically cut her off from direct contact with Prem. In future, she may try for some valiant efforts to meet Prem at certain intervals. I will find out a way to plug that also. If she considers for third option, she has to do that entirely at her risk. She owns this house jointly. She may decide staying in this house with Prem as live in partner at a cost of disgrace to self. At least, I will be spared. She will be deprived off her mockery show of pretending love and care. I can’t allow her to implicate my life further in her sexual odyssey with Prem.”
“Moving back to US will open another prospect”, I thought. “She will not get opportunity to meet her lover. She may prefer seeking divorce. Onus will be on her to decide.”
I should have thought of this on that day itself, when she had moved to Prem’s room. I had failed to take appropriate decisions in time to stop downgrading me. My non-decision had put me in jeopardy. I optioned firmly to return back to US at the earliest. “Tuesday will be the last day of my life in Bangalore. I am going to resign from the post on Monday itself, if they don’t accept my immediate transfer. I can always seek for re-appointment with my previous employer at US. Job should not be a problem with my credentials.”
Nobody returned till 10 PM confirming my theory. It did not matter to me anymore with my new found resolution. With happy note, I took the pill to bid good night.
*****
Sunday morning, I was late to get up. Fortunately, I was spared to serve coffee. Kavita was busy in kitchen for preparing breakfast. Gowri was helping her. Both of them were in saris and appeared ready for outing. Their appearance was very pleasant in traditional dress, but appeared to be a bit tensed as apparent from their faces. I could not locate any traces of burqa nearby.
“What will be purpose for present outing?” I thought.
“Celebration Party for commemoration.” I got answer.
“Still looking at my bitches PB? It appears you have not learnt the lesson properly.” Prem whispered lecherously in my ear. I was absorbed in my thinking not to notice him approaching.
“Sorry Amir .... Sir.” is what I could say putting my face down deeply embarrassed.
“Good PB. Keep it up.”
Quickly he moved near to kitchen, “Kavi, Gowri I am preceding.” fixing his eyes on my face from the distance. He added with a time gap “Keep touch on any requirement.”
Both the ladies were unperturbed by his announcement. “Everything is planned. Prem is advanced to supervise the readiness. Kavita and Gowri will join him in time.” I was convinced.
He proceeded slowly to the main door. He smirked contemptuously looking at me and gestured lewdly with his both hands before slamming the main door behind.
The sound of closing door drew attention of Kavita to discover me at the hall.
“Oh! Manu, good morning! You have got up!” She quickly approached me with a cup of coffee. She attempted a forced smile, “You did not wake up yesterday night for dinner. You must be hungry. Get ready quickly for breakfast.”
After breakfast Kavita whispered, “We are going out on a mission. I will brief you on return. Don’t think much on unnecessary things.” She had a mischievous smile on her face, hard to interpret.
“What type of ‘Mission’? She is dressed in a lovely sari dbangd in most traditional manner. No exhibition of her belly or curves. Clearly, they were not going for a joy ride with Prem. Is she going to meet Prem’s parents? Possible; at least the dress suggests so. Finally, she has taken the bold step of marrying Prem. They are already man & wife under this roof. Formal announcement will follow after getting approval from Prem’s parents. What she wants to brief me on return? Announcements of her pregnancy or announcement of her decision to marry Prem. Rubbing more salts in my wounds? “I immersed in my thoughts.
“Her promise of two weekends ends this Sunday.” On Friday she clearly indicated “Manu, why are you SO damn impatient? Two weeks ends on Sunday, not tonight. And Prem agreed to Sunday," Again I was fooled. I presumed it to be her willingness to move to me. I considered Prem would be leaving by Sunday vacating our house. I misjudged her. Most probably she was telling that Prem agreed for marriage on Sunday. She was indicating that two weeks’ time window to prove her eligibility for prospective bride for a married woman for re-marriage ends on Sunday. Was she indicating her iddat period to be over by Sunday? Was she waiting for three haydh to be completed since she had last vaginal sex with me? Three haydh was compulsory waiting period for purifying a woman’s body before re-marriage. When did I have last vaginal sex with her? My memory did not help me much. It was well before arrival of Prem. It appeared to be logical. Probably, she had completed her third period recently. That was the reason for her ‘Out of bound’. That was the reason for her refusal of vaginal sex with me. I could not conclude a better explanation.
“Tolerate a few days more Manu. Your days of humiliations are over.” I assured myself.
Soon the ladies left leaving me alone. She did not wear burqa putting my theory in turmoil. She would have that on return was my conclusion.
Finding opportunity, I checked the pills. Status confirmed as it was previous day. No of full strips counting confirmed me that she was out of pills. Painfully I acknowledged, “Yesterday she has not taken any pills. My wife finally has decided for getting pregnant by her lover.” It was not a sudden development. It was on the wheels for me to accept. She was regularly sleeping with her lover for the last two months. It was my stupidity not to accept the inevitable.
My brain kept on searching for different possibilities of her mission. Before noon I was sure, she had met Prem’s parents. By noon I was sure, she had signed ‘Nikahnama’. By afternoon I was sure, she had performed ‘Nikah’. On intuition, I checked the refrigerator. She had nicely packed my lunch with similar note as usual. I was hungry but not feeling to eat. I forced myself to eat the food. I had to live. I needed energy to release myself from her clutch.
I was upset. She had taken care of my lunch. I decided to gift my ex-wife a memorable night to start with a beautiful dinner. On a hunch, I messaged Kavita for her permission, ‘Shall I arrange for dinner?’
Shortly, I received her approval, “OK.” No word spoken. No inquisitiveness. As if, she was expecting it from her slave husband.
I had a clear vision. “Shortly, I will be leaving this house, this place, may be this country. As long as I am here, I am slave to my master and his mistress. They are setting foot in this house for the first time after marriage. It should be memorable to them.”
My inner mind rebuked me, “Manu, you are mistaken. Kavita can’t marry Prem before divorce.”
I reasoned myself, “They are already husband-wife. I have seized to be her husband, even, before she shifted to Prem’s bedroom. I may not get a second chance to show my gratitude to Kavita. I should not miss this opportunity. “I felt sorry with my reasoning.
I continued with my planning.
“Kavita will definitely like to spend the first night with Amir in privacy. Gowri’s presence will not be welcomed in same bedroom. Kavita also should not be deprived of master bedroom. Best will be I book a room in hotel, nearby to my office. Food is to be ordered for delivery by 8 pm. It should comprise vegetarian and non-vegetarian cuisines. Master bedroom is to be cleared of my traces. Before food is delivered, I have to replace bed sheet and pillow covers. I can call the local decorator for small decoration with flowers. Decoration of bedroom and dining space will suffice. I will keep a small congratulatory note and depart to my hotel after arranging the food on dining table. “
I felt satisfied with my planning.
My inner mind rebuked me again, “Manu, don’t appraise Kavita a fool like yourself. She will neither marry Prem nor divorce you. She is enjoying best of both the world.”
I reviewed the situation again, again and again. There was no illusion that Kavita prefers Prem over me. She was justified in her choice of partner. She had already declared that Prem was far better than me. They were already living as husband & wife. The only hurdle for her was Manu Sharma for getting married legally with Prem. But getting married to Amir may not be problem. Amir may be permitted to perform Nikah with any woman outside of his religion, irrespective of marital status of the woman. Once Kavita changes her faith, she would become an independent adult woman with new birth. She may not need divorce. Her previous married status would become null & void. Logically there was no hurdle for them to get married legally. Why should I become a hurdle on her happy life? If she demanded a divorce, I could have given her long back. Quite possible, she did not demand considering my quandary. Maybe she was tolerating me so far because of her kind attitude towards me. She was finding it unhuman to throw me out of the house. She was taking chances of my good sense to prevail. She was patiently waiting for me exiting from her life. It was not her fault that I did not wake up.
The harsh reality was before me. My captivity in my illusions was over. Dejected, I moved to kitchen.
Did I love her?
“Yes.”
“If I love her, how could I give her punishment? How could I deprive her of her legitimate rights? How could I cause pain to her life? I should come out of my selfishness. I must give her freedom. Its better, I should act fast before it’s too late.”
“Possibly she is not getting married today. But it is not far away also. I may not get another chance to make her day memorable. Why to miss the last chance to bestow my gratification? “I renewed my earlier planning with slight modification.
Quickly I jumped into action. Ordered for special dishes for delivery by 8 pm and proceeded to market. Purchased gajra and after a thought collected some loose Jasmine flowers. Back home cleaned Prem’s bedroom. First time, I prepared bed for my wife and her lover in ecstasy. Carefully replaced bed sheet and pillow cover followed by sprinkling the jasmine flowers liberally. I completed arrangement by spraying room freshener after putting the AC at 25 deg. I piled the gajra on the table before proceeding to kitchen.
Time passed in arrangement and preparation of balance dinner. Ordered food was delivered by 8:30 pm. It took another 30 minutes for me to clean the kitchen and arrange the plates on the table. By 10 pm nobody turned up. Slowly, I walked to the threshold of Prem’s bedroom. The room was looking mystique in blue night lamp.
Painfully I acknowledged, “I am handing over my wife to her lover with my full consent. Earlier, I did help her shifting, but that was forced. Nobody forced me in today’s follow-ups. Everything I did enthusiastically. Tonight Amir Ali will plough the fertile land of his newly wedded wife. He will deposit his potent seeds in her hungry womb. Baby making process will start on this bed within a few hours. Kavita will conceive with Amir Ali’s baby. “
I staggered inside in trembling feet. Soon I discovered myself kneeling on the floor, eye drops flowing freely. The journey of my debacle started from this room. I discovered Kavita in Amir’s album in skimpy dresses. I doubted her pre-marriage infidelity. I masturbated! Amir started bullying me, reduced me to a wimpy cuckold. He snatched my wife from me. My Kavita was no more of mine. She belonged to Amir. Amir owned her completely. Kavita had accepted Amir as MAN of her life. Kavita allowed Amir to be her MAN. Why Kavita, Why, Why, Why did you do that? How could you do that? How could you forget our attachment of four years? How could you deceive me? How could you dishonour me, humiliate me, despise me? Just for sex? You loathed me just because, I could not satisfy you in bed? My love had no stamp in your mind? You denied my attachment. You loathed my love.
I got broken into insurmountable weeping.
I clearly remembered the evening Gowri made her second visit. Kavita was dressed in a bold blue semi-transparent nighty. The nighty came up to just above her thighs. It was sleeveless, and rested on her by two shoulder-straps. She was waiting to be disrobed by her boyfriend. She was braless, I was certain. Was she panty less at bottom? I was not sure. She had planned for a threesome extravaganza with her boyfriend and his fiancé.
That evening I surrendered to her. I accepted her adultery, "Kavi, I didn't object before, because...deep down, I knew I am not as ...as manly as someone like Prem, and subconsciously, I felt you deserved better than me. Like Prem."
She said, "I don't think you considered yourself as 'less manly than Prem'. For that matter, I don't think you think so, even now."
I hung my head down, going red, as I answered, "But it's the truth, Kavi. I can never quite match his performance in bed, for one thing."
"Manu, that's bullshit. You don't believe so. And you certainly DIDN'T believe so, then. You had wanted to go to the gym, work out and fight him, remember?"
I pleaded in a desperate voice, "Please, Kavi, please believe me. I want you back badly."
She shook her head as she continued, "Manu, I don't see why you would complain at all, if you genuinely felt that Prem was a better man than you.”
“That evening I lied to you Kavi, I lied to you. I never felt that Prem deserved you better. To get you back I was ready to do anything. I took the blame on me to get you back. I accepted wilful sissy dressing which I never accepted in my mind. I could not tell you, I was forced. I could not accept that I masturbated seeing your photos. But yes, presently I accept my defeat. You are right. You have chosen Prem over me. Prem deserves you better. You be happy with him. Forgive me for my childish behaviour. Forgive me for spoiling your life. Forgive me. Forgive me. Please forgive me.”
I broke down in inconsolable sob.
It took some time to regain. I didn’t want to be discovered in that wretched, shambles conditions. With sheer determination I got up and stumbled to kitchen. Shortly, I took shelter in my room locking the door securely after placing the food on dining table. I put the alarm at 5 am to inspect the pills. I did not want to witness their celebration. I did not want to be part of their celebration. I did not want to be a hurdle on their conjugal life.
Again, sleeping pill helped me to tide over my agony.
****************************
I got distracted by intrusion of my wife. She appeared with a tray of two cups coffee and homemade snacks. My son and daughter were next to invading in study room. They took me in ransom and complained against their mother, “Papa, Mamma is not giving snacks to us.”
I assessed the grave situation immediately. My wife avoided oily snacks for our children. She was over protective. I took a bowl of snacks and handed over to my son. “Share with your sister and never disturb your Mamma for this. OK?”
He was in all smiles. He gave me a quick hug, “Thank you Papa.” and disappeared with the snacks bowl. His sister followed suit in wobbly steps.
My wife was observing silently. In mock anger she pronounced, “You are the one to spoil their health and habit. By the way, have you finished berating Kavita? “
I objected, “I never berated her. I am narrating the truth within the scope of my limited knowledge at it appeared to me at that point. Presently I am in belly ring episode. Still, there is a long way to go to reach climax.”
She leaned over my literary cum biography works. She glued over the narration for some time flipping the pages back & forth a few times, before declaring, “I know your truth. Your truth is only to castigate Kavita. Your readers must have been tormented by this time.” I frowned at her.
She was unperturbed, “I don’t find any justification in your attempts to portrait her as an unhuman, cruel, manipulative, sadist woman.”
I took the opportunity to propose, “Why don’t you then intervene for her rescue? You can project her serenity in better way. You can uplift and preserve the dignity of a woman.”
She did not budge, “No way, you have originated and so the responsibility of finishing amicably bestow on you. I am only suggesting for inclusion of Kavita’s version neutralizing the ill effects of your nerve-wracking description.”
Thoughtfully I replied, “Definitely I can do that. But it will deviate from the chosen path of my story. I have decided not to traverse to future in my narration.”
She scornfully looked at me, “You need not. You can safely include Kavita’s version synchronizing at real time. By this, you may avoid some reappearances in your narration while progressing to the anti-climax. This is my suggestion only. Think over it. “
I smirked at her, “OK madam! Your wish is my command.”
She frowned at me, “You are incorrigible!” and she collected the empty coffee cups and left.
End of chapter 27
Manu
Saturday morning, I got up at the sound of my phone. It was now turn of Prem to order me coffee. He was presently head of family of the two-bedroom flat. Before knocking the door, with four cups of coffee, I mentally prepared myself for a live show of my wife’s subdued submission. I heard some very low voice mumbling could be an argument. Kavita opened the door, even before my knock. It was a shock for me. She was dressed in same shalwar Kameez of previous night. After a long time, I saw her on weekend morning in respectable dress. Presently she smiled at me, “Good morning, Manu.”
I kept my face down and did not return her wish back. Mornings were no longer good for me. She handed over my cup to me before taking the tray inside. As an exception to previous week’s routine, I was not welcome inside. She had already demonstrated my cuckoldry. I was not allowed to disturb their privacy. I made a quick glance at the bed, before turning. Prem & Gowri apparently appeared to be serious from their facial appearances. Most probably they were having some heated arguments, paused in my presence. “Does Gowri know about hidden intention of Kavita and Prem? Is she unhappy on Prem for making Kavita pregnant?” I chided myself over my silly, irrational thinking. They are birds of same feather flocking together. It could be another clever ploy to divert my mind after last night’s show.
Prem left soon after breakfast. Both ladies locked them up in Prem’s bedroom. Gowri emerged first dressed in sari and walked slowly to occupy one single seater-sofa, exactly opposite to me. First time I saw her in traditional Indian attire. She averted her eyes the instant I looked at her. She appeared to be hiding herself from my gaze. Her looks had changed from mystic confused state to curious.
Seeing Kavita emerged from Prem’s bedroom, I trudged near her. She was also dressed in an attractive sari. Her sari was tied at the level of belly button obscuring the pendant. It was confirmed again, pendant marked with A.A was conceived for a private display for special person. “Madam, if you please hand over the laundry, I will keep them clean & dry.” I politely requested Kavita keeping my face down.
“Why do you call me madam, Manu? I am your wife. Furthermore, you are not servant of this house. I will take care of laundry tomorrow. “Kavita emphasized in low whispery voice.
My wife! Was she joking with Me.? I thought. Two consecutive weekends, she had forced me serve coffee in Prem’s bedroom. She was clinging to her lover in compromising position. I could sense a greater conspiracy in her behaviour. Politely I replied in clear voice, “Please Madam, it’s also my duty to keep your guests comfortable. Moreover, you are quite busy with the guests presently. I will be free to keep the laundry ready.” Briefly I looked at her and added firmly, “I know, I need more training for improvement. Earlier mistakes will not be repeated, I assure. I will handwash your sensitive garments.” I became more polite, “I will ensure no stains remain on them.” Gowri must have heard me. I did not bother. I had nothing more to hide in this world.
She became red faced and put her face down appeared to be deeply embarrassed. She hurriedly moved back to bedroom to cover her expression. After some time, she was back with the laundry, still her face down. She whispered, briefly lifting her face, “Have lunch in time. Don’t think much. Give rest to your body and mind.”
She was looking at me inquisitively. Was she expecting an answer? Rest to body was acceptable but why rest of mind? What she was implying? Was there any links to her belly ring pendant and my mental rest? She was advising me not to thing deep into her intentions, her affairs. Again, she was showing her mischievous care and attachment. Definitely, she was scheming something grave against me. I was determined not to fall prey to her deliberate intention. Deftly, she was manipulating my mind again. I silently walked away with the washing load to hide my resentment.
“Going for a temple visit for seeking blessings for her baby.”, I thought. And it struck me again. Maybe she was visiting dargah. I had no idea what women do in dargah for fulfilment of their desires. Belly ring pendant could have been a part of the rituals. She most probably was moving on the path of changing faith and a new name, a prerequisite for Sunday’s auspicious ceremony. The very idea of two burqa and veil clad women roaming in the house further pulled down my already depressed mood.
Soon they left.
Opportunity arrived to ascertain my doubt. My trembling legs took me near the medicine box. My hands were shaking. I got fumbled with the packets in anticipation. I opened the pack and next moment I found them. Unlike before, there were either full strips or empty strips. I did check the pills 10 days before. I vaguely remembered the strip was less than half empty. Could be opposite also, less than half filled. I could not exactly remember the empty slots in the strip to arrive at a definite conclusion. Possibly she was in pills. She could have been in periods and taken the last pill yesterday. May be she had already stopped taking pills and systematically, discarding one pill every day... Possibilities of putting my mind into camouflage, was not ruled out. She was capable of doing it aptly. Painfully I acknowledged not remembering the date of her last period. We did never have regular sex. Also, she never declared about her period expressively. It was a taboo for her. She always maintained secrecy on her periods in the same manner she hid her pre-nuptial affairs. I decided to re-check the pills on earliest opportunity. This time I did not make any mistake to count the full strips.
Exactly, what am I going to do knowing her intension of getting married or pregnant? She walked into her lover’s bedroom in front of my eyes. I could not stop her. On the contrary, she actually made me shift her luggage to Prem’s room. As if she was telling, “Henceforth, I am Prem’s woman. He owns my body & mind completely. You transfer your rights over me to Prem. However, as a token of gratitude for your submissiveness, I will grant you privileges to take care of my social status and financial needs.” I did oblige.
She had already informed of her special concerns with her boyfriend. Shortly she will declare, “Right now, I am carrying Prem’s baby in my womb. However, as a token of gratitude for your submissiveness, I will grant you privileges to take care social and financial status of my baby.” Her baby! Their baby!
“Should I oblige?’ I questioned myself?
There was instantaneous reply from my mind, “No, you can’t do that Manu. This will mark the end of your identity. Find a better solution than accepting it. You have many options. Be courageous to adhere to the best one. You have the capability. Decide and act. I am always in your support.”
I agreed, my options were not limited.
I quickly finished laundry job. Surprisingly, there were no under garments. I opened the refrigerator to fill my stomach. Like before, there was a note. “You did not have your dinner properly. Worm the food before consuming. Take care of your health. I will get dinner while returning.
Again she was expressing her dubious love & care. I cautioned myself again, I should not fall prey to her game plan. I consumed the food quickly to be with myself - alone.
Finally, I was ready to inspect my options critically. “What are the options left with me?” I thought. I deliberated over the possible options
The very first option came to my mind was ending life.”Committing suicide has become very common of late. Easy, painless methods are available to ensure hassle free death. But, committing suicide will ensure my defeat. I don’t want to be defeated by Prem. I have endured so much not to accept my defeat so easily. They will rejoice over my dead body. But, what about my parents, what are their faults? Outside my marital life, I have another life with my parents. They had made a lot of silent sacrifices for my wellbeing. They carry dreams on my prosperity, on my happiness. Am I entitled to shatter their hopes for a woman, a woman, who is cheating her husband in adulterous life? I agree of loving my wife a lot. It does not state that I don’t love my parents. They will break on my death. I can’t cause so much pain to them for a whore. Yes, I agree or not, her present behaviour is comparable with a whore only. She has been transformed into a depraved, slavish personal whore for Amir. There was no point on arguing over it. By avoiding sacrificing my life, I can be a solace of my parents. They had supported me in my childhood. I must support them when they need it more. I cannot be selfish for a whore. I cannot cheat my parents for a cheater.”
Committing suicide was not at all acceptable, I resolved.
Next option I deliberated killing either or both of them. “It is very easy for me to poison them over food. The idea of killing life stopped my heart momentarily. I could not contribute to creating a life. Shamefully, I am thinking of taking a life. God has created a life. Do I have any right to stop a life? Just thought of killing a life for a silly cause put me in squabble. -People do take lives for noble causes. Agreed, they have caused pain to me physically and mentally. Is this cause qualifying for noble enough to take their lives? I sensed self-created humiliation. I vehemently opted against it.”
“They also could have poisoned me systematically. They have shown mercy by not killing me. Taking a life is a heinous crime. Mind crumbles to near death. It is not causing death to someone in isolation; simultaneously it kills the murderer also. By causing death to them, I will kill my mind, my conscious. I will have to lead a dreaded life devoid of mental peace throughout my life. I may hide my heinous act from the society or law, but will never be able to hide from myself.”
“And, if I fail to hide? What next? I will be lingering in Jail, if not hanged. Again, I will disgrace my parents. I will be a good cause for their eternal misery. Every moment they will pray for my death along with their own death. Not a good idea at all.”
Taking lives was not at all acceptable, I resolved.
Next, I reflected on divorce. “Proving her infidelity will not be a big problem. Evidences can easily be gathered. Probably, I won’t be required to pay alimony also. She also could have opted for same. For some strange reasons, she did never press for it. She was sleeping with her boyfriend for last two months. She could have easily get divorce and married him. It’s clear; she did not want a divorce. Her ultimate aim suggests for her continual physical relationship with Prem, bear his children and enjoy the comfort & honour in society at my expense. Enjoy the benefit of both worlds at the same time. This necessitated for my sissy cuckolding submission to her will. There could be others reasons for her not seeking divorce till date. She was weighing my reactions. She may be negotiating with her parents. Presently, after obtaining green signals, she decided to advance.”
“This should not be a deterrence for me seeking a divorce. Going through her credentials, she may not accept a mutual one. My inadequacy will come for a discussion. The problem is my family & friends will come to know. My physical weakness confined within four walls will be public. Presently, Prem, Gowri & Kavita are laughing on my misery. Tomorrow, the whole world will laugh at me. I will have to face the grave reality in front of all known people, my office colleagues, my friends circle, her friend circle, my relatives and her relatives. She will be humiliated for her adultery, but she may get some sympathy. What will I achieve? My divorce only will bring unbearable humiliation for self and family. I can’t bear that humiliation. Not only me but my parents also will be humiliated. I can’t afford to disgrace them. They may end their lives to escape from the harsh truth.”
“Story after divorce on my side was not encouraging al all. On the other side, what Kavita would do? I had thought on it earlier also. She will face immense scorn from society as well. Re-marriage of a divorcee woman is not easy in a society in India. Again, society is not forgiving of adulterous women. Her parents most probably will denounce her. It was not like Amir was going to support her. She would have to manage on her own, and probably would have to resume working. Amir is not likely going to give her easy freedom. He is a womaniser. He had many relationships in past, as evident from the album apart from the present two. For him a woman is nothing but a pussy. Sooner or later, she will have to go back to Amir for help. Chances for Amir marrying Kavita are very remote and even he does so, she will be one out of four. The kind of preying guy he seemed to be; he might peddle out her body.”I shrieked in horror in bare imagination.
“Again, society is changing. People around do no longer keep the memory live for long. Kavita may be enthusiastic in new faith and sharing life with other women. Similar examples are not entirely uncommon in society. She knows Prem since college days. His womanising character is well known to her. Possibly, precisely this may be the reason for her attraction to Prem. They must have discussed and finalised everything. It’s a matter of time before I am dumped.”
“Agreed, she had contemplated in my physical and mental humiliation. She along with her boyfriend has caused unforgettable damage to my entity. But she was my wife. She is still my wife. I had taken a vow to take care of her in all situations. I could not stop her from adultery. She had decided on her own to cheat on me. It does not entitle me to push her to destruction. Her inhuman behaviour should not be a reason for me to denounce humanity. If she seeks divorce, it’s different. I should not add misery to her life.”
I opted against seeking divorce.
Next, I pondered on the option of getting external help.
“Always there was an option to go to security officer against my physical and mental torture. Proving may not be easy but will definitely reduce my tortures. As such, since Kavita’s shifting to Prem, I had not been physically bullied by Prem except for that Monday when I tried to contact Gowri, his bitch. It was my fault, I over stepped into his personal space. By contacting security officer, I will be dragged into legal battle. First thing I will be asked for my motive behind keeping quiet for such a long period. I may be coerced to accept my forceful cuckoldry as true. Presently the way Kavita is keeping Amir’s side, she may allege my wistful desire as the cause of her adultery. Instead of putting them in trouble, I will be behind bar for forcing a woman to compromise on her modesty. Without help of Kavita, which is not likely to come considering her present attachment, I will definitely lose the legal battle. The best outcome I can expect, I may be advised to seek divorce. There was also a chance of being extorted by security officer for dubious reasons. All security officer officers are not honest. Even, otherwise also, what will I achieve? I will end my life in long legal battle. Can I stop her getting pregnant by Prem? No, there will not be any improvement in my status except additional encumbrance of security officer interference.”
“Even if everything goes in my favour, what am I going to achieve? Law will force Kavita staying with me. Her flesh & blood only will be with me. No law in this world can force a mind against its wishes. Physically, she will be with me but her mind will roam with Prem. What should I do with her flesh & blood devoid of mind? A dead body! Every moment she will loath me for my revengeful attitude. I can’t bear this burden.
I opted to discard this option also.
Only option left was dislocating me. “Prospect of returning back to US appeared more viable, else I can continue with present job in some other city. This will give me immediate piece of mind. Neither there will be any physical & mental turmoil nor will I be forced to witness their relentless, obscene sexual extravaganza. I have belief in myself. I may get chance to establish myself, prove my potentials elsewhere. Obviously, I will miss her. My marital life will be over. Marital life? “I paused for a while to rethink again. “I don’t have any marital life presently. The difference will be in proximity and nothing else.”
“My relocation will automatically put to an end to their relationship in this house. Officially, our parents will be informed of my relocation. She will not have any pretext to continue staying in this house alone in my absence for long. She will be forced to take a definitive decision. One of the three options she has to choose. Move with me, stay with her mother or move out with Prem. Continuing staying with Prem in this house for long will attract unwanted attention of housing society and especially immediate neighbours. She will also have to answer to her parents with solid reasons for staying back. This is most unlikely event to happen.”
“So, it is certain, she will have to select any one of the three options. First two options will automatically cut her off from direct contact with Prem. In future, she may try for some valiant efforts to meet Prem at certain intervals. I will find out a way to plug that also. If she considers for third option, she has to do that entirely at her risk. She owns this house jointly. She may decide staying in this house with Prem as live in partner at a cost of disgrace to self. At least, I will be spared. She will be deprived off her mockery show of pretending love and care. I can’t allow her to implicate my life further in her sexual odyssey with Prem.”
“Moving back to US will open another prospect”, I thought. “She will not get opportunity to meet her lover. She may prefer seeking divorce. Onus will be on her to decide.”
I should have thought of this on that day itself, when she had moved to Prem’s room. I had failed to take appropriate decisions in time to stop downgrading me. My non-decision had put me in jeopardy. I optioned firmly to return back to US at the earliest. “Tuesday will be the last day of my life in Bangalore. I am going to resign from the post on Monday itself, if they don’t accept my immediate transfer. I can always seek for re-appointment with my previous employer at US. Job should not be a problem with my credentials.”
Nobody returned till 10 PM confirming my theory. It did not matter to me anymore with my new found resolution. With happy note, I took the pill to bid good night.
*****
Sunday morning, I was late to get up. Fortunately, I was spared to serve coffee. Kavita was busy in kitchen for preparing breakfast. Gowri was helping her. Both of them were in saris and appeared ready for outing. Their appearance was very pleasant in traditional dress, but appeared to be a bit tensed as apparent from their faces. I could not locate any traces of burqa nearby.
“What will be purpose for present outing?” I thought.
“Celebration Party for commemoration.” I got answer.
“Still looking at my bitches PB? It appears you have not learnt the lesson properly.” Prem whispered lecherously in my ear. I was absorbed in my thinking not to notice him approaching.
“Sorry Amir .... Sir.” is what I could say putting my face down deeply embarrassed.
“Good PB. Keep it up.”
Quickly he moved near to kitchen, “Kavi, Gowri I am preceding.” fixing his eyes on my face from the distance. He added with a time gap “Keep touch on any requirement.”
Both the ladies were unperturbed by his announcement. “Everything is planned. Prem is advanced to supervise the readiness. Kavita and Gowri will join him in time.” I was convinced.
He proceeded slowly to the main door. He smirked contemptuously looking at me and gestured lewdly with his both hands before slamming the main door behind.
The sound of closing door drew attention of Kavita to discover me at the hall.
“Oh! Manu, good morning! You have got up!” She quickly approached me with a cup of coffee. She attempted a forced smile, “You did not wake up yesterday night for dinner. You must be hungry. Get ready quickly for breakfast.”
After breakfast Kavita whispered, “We are going out on a mission. I will brief you on return. Don’t think much on unnecessary things.” She had a mischievous smile on her face, hard to interpret.
“What type of ‘Mission’? She is dressed in a lovely sari dbangd in most traditional manner. No exhibition of her belly or curves. Clearly, they were not going for a joy ride with Prem. Is she going to meet Prem’s parents? Possible; at least the dress suggests so. Finally, she has taken the bold step of marrying Prem. They are already man & wife under this roof. Formal announcement will follow after getting approval from Prem’s parents. What she wants to brief me on return? Announcements of her pregnancy or announcement of her decision to marry Prem. Rubbing more salts in my wounds? “I immersed in my thoughts.
“Her promise of two weekends ends this Sunday.” On Friday she clearly indicated “Manu, why are you SO damn impatient? Two weeks ends on Sunday, not tonight. And Prem agreed to Sunday," Again I was fooled. I presumed it to be her willingness to move to me. I considered Prem would be leaving by Sunday vacating our house. I misjudged her. Most probably she was telling that Prem agreed for marriage on Sunday. She was indicating that two weeks’ time window to prove her eligibility for prospective bride for a married woman for re-marriage ends on Sunday. Was she indicating her iddat period to be over by Sunday? Was she waiting for three haydh to be completed since she had last vaginal sex with me? Three haydh was compulsory waiting period for purifying a woman’s body before re-marriage. When did I have last vaginal sex with her? My memory did not help me much. It was well before arrival of Prem. It appeared to be logical. Probably, she had completed her third period recently. That was the reason for her ‘Out of bound’. That was the reason for her refusal of vaginal sex with me. I could not conclude a better explanation.
“Tolerate a few days more Manu. Your days of humiliations are over.” I assured myself.
Soon the ladies left leaving me alone. She did not wear burqa putting my theory in turmoil. She would have that on return was my conclusion.
Finding opportunity, I checked the pills. Status confirmed as it was previous day. No of full strips counting confirmed me that she was out of pills. Painfully I acknowledged, “Yesterday she has not taken any pills. My wife finally has decided for getting pregnant by her lover.” It was not a sudden development. It was on the wheels for me to accept. She was regularly sleeping with her lover for the last two months. It was my stupidity not to accept the inevitable.
My brain kept on searching for different possibilities of her mission. Before noon I was sure, she had met Prem’s parents. By noon I was sure, she had signed ‘Nikahnama’. By afternoon I was sure, she had performed ‘Nikah’. On intuition, I checked the refrigerator. She had nicely packed my lunch with similar note as usual. I was hungry but not feeling to eat. I forced myself to eat the food. I had to live. I needed energy to release myself from her clutch.
I was upset. She had taken care of my lunch. I decided to gift my ex-wife a memorable night to start with a beautiful dinner. On a hunch, I messaged Kavita for her permission, ‘Shall I arrange for dinner?’
Shortly, I received her approval, “OK.” No word spoken. No inquisitiveness. As if, she was expecting it from her slave husband.
I had a clear vision. “Shortly, I will be leaving this house, this place, may be this country. As long as I am here, I am slave to my master and his mistress. They are setting foot in this house for the first time after marriage. It should be memorable to them.”
My inner mind rebuked me, “Manu, you are mistaken. Kavita can’t marry Prem before divorce.”
I reasoned myself, “They are already husband-wife. I have seized to be her husband, even, before she shifted to Prem’s bedroom. I may not get a second chance to show my gratitude to Kavita. I should not miss this opportunity. “I felt sorry with my reasoning.
I continued with my planning.
“Kavita will definitely like to spend the first night with Amir in privacy. Gowri’s presence will not be welcomed in same bedroom. Kavita also should not be deprived of master bedroom. Best will be I book a room in hotel, nearby to my office. Food is to be ordered for delivery by 8 pm. It should comprise vegetarian and non-vegetarian cuisines. Master bedroom is to be cleared of my traces. Before food is delivered, I have to replace bed sheet and pillow covers. I can call the local decorator for small decoration with flowers. Decoration of bedroom and dining space will suffice. I will keep a small congratulatory note and depart to my hotel after arranging the food on dining table. “
I felt satisfied with my planning.
My inner mind rebuked me again, “Manu, don’t appraise Kavita a fool like yourself. She will neither marry Prem nor divorce you. She is enjoying best of both the world.”
I reviewed the situation again, again and again. There was no illusion that Kavita prefers Prem over me. She was justified in her choice of partner. She had already declared that Prem was far better than me. They were already living as husband & wife. The only hurdle for her was Manu Sharma for getting married legally with Prem. But getting married to Amir may not be problem. Amir may be permitted to perform Nikah with any woman outside of his religion, irrespective of marital status of the woman. Once Kavita changes her faith, she would become an independent adult woman with new birth. She may not need divorce. Her previous married status would become null & void. Logically there was no hurdle for them to get married legally. Why should I become a hurdle on her happy life? If she demanded a divorce, I could have given her long back. Quite possible, she did not demand considering my quandary. Maybe she was tolerating me so far because of her kind attitude towards me. She was finding it unhuman to throw me out of the house. She was taking chances of my good sense to prevail. She was patiently waiting for me exiting from her life. It was not her fault that I did not wake up.
The harsh reality was before me. My captivity in my illusions was over. Dejected, I moved to kitchen.
Did I love her?
“Yes.”
“If I love her, how could I give her punishment? How could I deprive her of her legitimate rights? How could I cause pain to her life? I should come out of my selfishness. I must give her freedom. Its better, I should act fast before it’s too late.”
“Possibly she is not getting married today. But it is not far away also. I may not get another chance to make her day memorable. Why to miss the last chance to bestow my gratification? “I renewed my earlier planning with slight modification.
Quickly I jumped into action. Ordered for special dishes for delivery by 8 pm and proceeded to market. Purchased gajra and after a thought collected some loose Jasmine flowers. Back home cleaned Prem’s bedroom. First time, I prepared bed for my wife and her lover in ecstasy. Carefully replaced bed sheet and pillow cover followed by sprinkling the jasmine flowers liberally. I completed arrangement by spraying room freshener after putting the AC at 25 deg. I piled the gajra on the table before proceeding to kitchen.
Time passed in arrangement and preparation of balance dinner. Ordered food was delivered by 8:30 pm. It took another 30 minutes for me to clean the kitchen and arrange the plates on the table. By 10 pm nobody turned up. Slowly, I walked to the threshold of Prem’s bedroom. The room was looking mystique in blue night lamp.
Painfully I acknowledged, “I am handing over my wife to her lover with my full consent. Earlier, I did help her shifting, but that was forced. Nobody forced me in today’s follow-ups. Everything I did enthusiastically. Tonight Amir Ali will plough the fertile land of his newly wedded wife. He will deposit his potent seeds in her hungry womb. Baby making process will start on this bed within a few hours. Kavita will conceive with Amir Ali’s baby. “
I staggered inside in trembling feet. Soon I discovered myself kneeling on the floor, eye drops flowing freely. The journey of my debacle started from this room. I discovered Kavita in Amir’s album in skimpy dresses. I doubted her pre-marriage infidelity. I masturbated! Amir started bullying me, reduced me to a wimpy cuckold. He snatched my wife from me. My Kavita was no more of mine. She belonged to Amir. Amir owned her completely. Kavita had accepted Amir as MAN of her life. Kavita allowed Amir to be her MAN. Why Kavita, Why, Why, Why did you do that? How could you do that? How could you forget our attachment of four years? How could you deceive me? How could you dishonour me, humiliate me, despise me? Just for sex? You loathed me just because, I could not satisfy you in bed? My love had no stamp in your mind? You denied my attachment. You loathed my love.
I got broken into insurmountable weeping.
I clearly remembered the evening Gowri made her second visit. Kavita was dressed in a bold blue semi-transparent nighty. The nighty came up to just above her thighs. It was sleeveless, and rested on her by two shoulder-straps. She was waiting to be disrobed by her boyfriend. She was braless, I was certain. Was she panty less at bottom? I was not sure. She had planned for a threesome extravaganza with her boyfriend and his fiancé.
That evening I surrendered to her. I accepted her adultery, "Kavi, I didn't object before, because...deep down, I knew I am not as ...as manly as someone like Prem, and subconsciously, I felt you deserved better than me. Like Prem."
She said, "I don't think you considered yourself as 'less manly than Prem'. For that matter, I don't think you think so, even now."
I hung my head down, going red, as I answered, "But it's the truth, Kavi. I can never quite match his performance in bed, for one thing."
"Manu, that's bullshit. You don't believe so. And you certainly DIDN'T believe so, then. You had wanted to go to the gym, work out and fight him, remember?"
I pleaded in a desperate voice, "Please, Kavi, please believe me. I want you back badly."
She shook her head as she continued, "Manu, I don't see why you would complain at all, if you genuinely felt that Prem was a better man than you.”
“That evening I lied to you Kavi, I lied to you. I never felt that Prem deserved you better. To get you back I was ready to do anything. I took the blame on me to get you back. I accepted wilful sissy dressing which I never accepted in my mind. I could not tell you, I was forced. I could not accept that I masturbated seeing your photos. But yes, presently I accept my defeat. You are right. You have chosen Prem over me. Prem deserves you better. You be happy with him. Forgive me for my childish behaviour. Forgive me for spoiling your life. Forgive me. Forgive me. Please forgive me.”
I broke down in inconsolable sob.
It took some time to regain. I didn’t want to be discovered in that wretched, shambles conditions. With sheer determination I got up and stumbled to kitchen. Shortly, I took shelter in my room locking the door securely after placing the food on dining table. I put the alarm at 5 am to inspect the pills. I did not want to witness their celebration. I did not want to be part of their celebration. I did not want to be a hurdle on their conjugal life.
Again, sleeping pill helped me to tide over my agony.
****************************
I got distracted by intrusion of my wife. She appeared with a tray of two cups coffee and homemade snacks. My son and daughter were next to invading in study room. They took me in ransom and complained against their mother, “Papa, Mamma is not giving snacks to us.”
I assessed the grave situation immediately. My wife avoided oily snacks for our children. She was over protective. I took a bowl of snacks and handed over to my son. “Share with your sister and never disturb your Mamma for this. OK?”
He was in all smiles. He gave me a quick hug, “Thank you Papa.” and disappeared with the snacks bowl. His sister followed suit in wobbly steps.
My wife was observing silently. In mock anger she pronounced, “You are the one to spoil their health and habit. By the way, have you finished berating Kavita? “
I objected, “I never berated her. I am narrating the truth within the scope of my limited knowledge at it appeared to me at that point. Presently I am in belly ring episode. Still, there is a long way to go to reach climax.”
She leaned over my literary cum biography works. She glued over the narration for some time flipping the pages back & forth a few times, before declaring, “I know your truth. Your truth is only to castigate Kavita. Your readers must have been tormented by this time.” I frowned at her.
She was unperturbed, “I don’t find any justification in your attempts to portrait her as an unhuman, cruel, manipulative, sadist woman.”
I took the opportunity to propose, “Why don’t you then intervene for her rescue? You can project her serenity in better way. You can uplift and preserve the dignity of a woman.”
She did not budge, “No way, you have originated and so the responsibility of finishing amicably bestow on you. I am only suggesting for inclusion of Kavita’s version neutralizing the ill effects of your nerve-wracking description.”
Thoughtfully I replied, “Definitely I can do that. But it will deviate from the chosen path of my story. I have decided not to traverse to future in my narration.”
She scornfully looked at me, “You need not. You can safely include Kavita’s version synchronizing at real time. By this, you may avoid some reappearances in your narration while progressing to the anti-climax. This is my suggestion only. Think over it. “
I smirked at her, “OK madam! Your wish is my command.”
She frowned at me, “You are incorrigible!” and she collected the empty coffee cups and left.
End of chapter 27
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