Non-erotic Bonds of Love by sfraza

[pastispresent]

Chapter 9

Milind splashed water on her face. He tried not to reflect on what he was doing. His chest muscles broke into ripples as he bent over the sink. His athletic lifestyle helped him maintain his well-built body, he was a good-looking fella and knew how to turn on the charm. He knew women were attracted to him, he could anyone he wanted. 

So, what was he doing here in this bathroom?

He was playing with dangerous fire. Milind would not have cared much for fire had he not been aware that he could burn.

He had wanted to settle down. His folks had even stopped caring what he did, who he was with. They were happy within their community and in each other’s presence. They were old, they had their own ailments to think of. There was nothing to rebel against now. And he had quenched all the burning fires inside him. Been everywhere, done everything he ever thought of. And now he was alone.

He had not always been lonely. He once had gone steady in his late twenties with a brunette and thought that was it. He would marry her, stay in Toronto and be happy forever. She was an ambitious girl, unintimidated, powerful. She was outgoing like him, loved sports, held her own in a room full of strangers. An amazon of a woman. But soon enough their cultural differences, egos and little insecurities came into light; just like in any other relationship. The girl told him in love it happens that they had to work on it. Milind was not the kind of man to work for his emotions, he believed in gratification. If this was love; he did not want any of it. He broke up with her and told himself that steady long-term relationship was not for him. Breaking up was easy but the he was not prepared for the heart break it caused; the sharp-edged pain sieving the heart in two when you lose a loved one.

He was young and got over it but now he knew he was going to get hurt again. He came out of the bathroom; looked at the naked beautiful figure of Neeta and let out a sigh. Here was another complicated relationship he would better stay away from. But there was something strangely attractive about this woman; whose soul was willing to fly away; whose heart was broken under the guilt of her own desires. She reminded him of his rebellion years. It was ironical that here he was trying to find an anchor after years of drifting, and he was looking for support at a woman, who was trying to break all her anchors. He slipped into the white bedsheet next to her and bent over to look at her black captivating eyes. She was gorgeous, he had been an idiot for not dating Indian women before. He was a handsome man and she was beautiful and that is all that he needed to think of.

Neeta quivered with shameless delights as he touched her. She did not feel like she was cheating. She must have worn out of any such feelings when she realized she no longer loved her husband of many years. No, she had this situation completely rationalized. She had only one allegiance and that to her family. It was just this time that was her own, after a month she needed to go back to her old life when she had to live as before without any choice. So, this was her time, her own time unfettered and unencumbered from any bonds or vows she had made to her husband. Much like what you did while healing. Yoga, reiki, acupuncture. You heal. She was having this affair to heal herself.

How it had happened did not matter anymore. He had writhed in agony as he had waited outside her doorstep trying to explain why he had not tried to meet her family and why he was outside her doorstep now. He had almost given up but gathering on his courage he had knocked on the door. Neeta had opened disheveled, eyes beady with tears and quivering lips.

“Why can’t I be happy?” she had asked him. “All that I need to do is to be happy and I can’t do that”

Milind had looked at her, made her sit on her bed and told her that he missed her and then he leaned over and took her in his arms. Even in the subsequent throes of passion he could not shake off the notion that he had taken advantage of a very broken, distressed woman.

They usually met at his house to avoid Kabir. She enjoyed being there. It was sparsely furnished, and they would lie on the carpet for hours in front of the fireplace while snow fell on the ground outside. His home was like a cocoon to her. The warm hearth protecting her from evil thoughts, from the world itself. Neeta wanted to be happy for so long and she was. The world may curse her for it, ostracize her, but she had found that elusive joy she had craved for. She had followed her heart's wishes. She did not want a life where she had to toil, where she must be an adult, responsible for keeping it all together. She wanted to let go.

Neeta was aware of the nature of the adulterous relationship she was in. She did not pretend that she was in love with Milind and did not have such expectations from him either. She did not spare her any moral quibbles of that sort. She did not plan any confession to Aditya. She was invincible in her duplicity. In the fact that he will never know. She wondered how she would have reacted if she found out he was cheating on her. It was a hypothetical question. Maybe during her early years of marriage when she was still in love, she would have felt guilt but not now; too much water had flown under the bridge.

The month passed quickly by and soon enough it was time for Neeta to leave. Why is it that time flies when you do not want it to? Neeta was supposed to leave at noon and she was spending the morning at his house. She had cooked Indian breakfast to tease him; ghee parathas and aloo ki sabzi swimming in oil. He vowed he will not touch it.

“I don’t want you to go”, he told her a hundredth time.

“You will want me to if I stayed her a couple of more months”, she teased.

He kept quiet, she like to believe he was a rake and she wanton and there was no actual need to break that impression either.

“And keep on serving me this breakfast”, he added easily.

She laughed heartily.

He held her from behind and smelt her. She was leaving today; he will never see her again; so why they needed to play this game. Why cannot he simply confess he loved her and let her live with that.

For her. He reminded himself, Neeta was already too fragile. He did not want to cause any more turmoil on behalf of him.

He ate the parathas and sabzi; oil and everything.

“I will need to burn this off by stretches of basketball”, he joked.

“You will be fine, it the tummy aches drink up lime soda”, she suggested him like she would do to her kids.

“Prescribe something for the heart too”, he asked casually.

Her eyes raised, and she rolled it back, she picked up his dish and washed it in the sink. She wiped clean the kitchen slap and made his bed. Doing little things to prolong the imminent departure.

As she packed her stuff in her car and was about to move off. He whispered in her ears.

“Everyone needs to love. Go back and love someone.”

She was surprised. He held and dragged her to her car seat.

“Whatever that meant”, she turned on her ignition keys.

“Whatever”, he told her and smiled.

As she pulled off the driveway, she kept looking at his reflection in the rearview mirror, till it was gone much too quickly.