Non-erotic Bonds of Love by sfraza

[pastispresent]

Chapter 3

Aditya put his weights down on the gym floor and examined his girth in front of the wall to wall unforgiving mirrors ahead. Ever since he had turned forty Aditya had taken to exercise. He believed in good health and the idea of any disease evoked disgust one could have if one had met a leprosy patient. He critically analyzed the various fat rings developed over the years on his body. He was satisfied with the results of his workout regime. He saw a body still firm and a faint sigh of ripple on his muscles. A grin passed over his reflection as he put on his shirt and picked up the bags. On his way out of the gym he waved a hello to his neighbor sweating out on cardio besides him. Not a single friend of Aditya could have guessed that he was undergoing a personal crisis, the reason being he himself was unaware of it. So, his wife had been acting up lately and what he had initially dismissed as a bad mood had stretched over two years. But still Aditya could not accept the ‘situation’ and when he was reminded of it he vaguely dismissed it as one would wave away an irritant mosquito buzzing in the ear. Aditya was a practical man, his dealings with other men or women were based more on logic than emotions. It was not that he had no empathy in him, he acknowledged misery only for viable causes, someone’s death, financial constraints, even unfulfilled desires. He could not attribute any good reason for his wife’s unhappiness and by such logical evaluations and deductions he had arrived at the conclusion she was not in any genuine distress of any kind. He did not accuse his wife of willful duplicity, her affliction simply baffled him. It hung over him like an unending mist through which he couldn’t see, and it was not in his nature to use his imagination to visualize what lied beneath the surface. He did not dig deep, he took things at face value. His wife for instance had a pretty face, a flourishing career, enough money to spend, two beautiful children and an affectionate good husband, he had no compunctions regarding that), so what on earth did she complain about?

But whined and cribbed Neeta had and how and Aditya was at the last tether end of his iron clad patience with her when the tide had turned around, she had suddenly taken a turn for the better without any explanations whatsoever which countenanced his belief that there was nothing wrong in the first place. Once Neeta’s affliction seems to have been improved, he had relaxed. The conclusion he came to be that his wife was undergoing some psychological condition peculiar to women of her age, and life would soon return to normal. The good days numbering more than the bad.

And today was a good day. Anjali had done extremely well in class. The teachers were all appreciation such as one would reserve for a dedicated student and Aditya was already dreaming of a brilliant career for her. There is something about first born and fathers, no one else could make them feel as proud as them. She was an accomplished perfect little lady and he believed that surely the credit for this in some way must go to him. Anjali was a beautiful girl, she had inherited Neeta’s looks. While Neeta had perfect features but an unyielding grim expression, Anjali’s was softer most probably taken to his chubbier cheeks and crinkling smiling eyes. Just looking at her made Aditya feel good about the family he had.

His wife was cooking in the kitchen. Her slim figure silhouetted against the silver kitchen chimney. Years have only added a quiet dignity to her posture and she more gorgeous as a mature woman than a young and shy gawky girl. He wondered what was on her mind as she clumsily kneaded the flour into a dough ball. He thought of a joke about cooking when they were newly married, and Neeta experiments were disastrous, but thought the better of it. Maybe someday later, Neeta had pretty must lost her sense of humor and there was such a tragic hint around her that a joke always seemed superfluous.

Besides he had other concerns too which he thought of more significance than his wife unexplained misery. His father was close to seventy now and his health had deteriorated. His mother considerably younger as per the norms of their generation was a sprightly old lady, who took care of all her husband’s needs from laying out his clothes to serving the food for him She also insisted on cooking everything herself having no faith in the cooks available in the market. The demands of their household continually increased. Even on college days he realized with a wave of filial concern that his mother was overworked. They must have some sort of house help to support her all day. the subject himself to her making as elaborate a case for her mother as well as he could.

Contrary to his expectations, Neeta did not argue as she was wont to do to all his suggestions.

“These days you can put an advertisement in apartment.com for servants,” Neeta dismissed him. She had other thoughts swirling in her head and could not care less.

“Someone with a reference will be better, you can ask the neighbors,” Aditya suggested, to find a maid was a woman’s job and he wouldn’t even know what he was looking for.

“What’s wrong with Papa,” Neeta asked she was not aware that he had been ill. She hardly ever got to see him; he was always cocooned in his room.

To Aditya this query seemed beside the point. They needed help because his parents were old and were not their part-time assistants. But he responded, “A nerve is putting pressure on his spinal cord, his legs and hands shake, he is not able to walk properly or do any of his daily chores himself, he needs help so does Amma, she cannot manage the house, the kids and her husband, we have to support her.”

“Right,” Neeta was quiet, preoccupied with herself, she had stopped listening after a while.

Aditya felt a little dissatisfied with her attitude. But he had said everything he wanted to and met with agreement. There was nothing more to say. Theirs were a 14-year-old marriage, roles were established by now and this responsibility was clearly hers. So, he turned around and went to sleep.

After three days, he asked her about it if she had started any inquiries to find a housemaid. She gave him a vexed look. She heard the underlying accusation that she spent idling her days around while his mother did ‘her’ job. This woman was no longer going to run around every time he wanted something.

“I told you to put an advertisement,” Neeta snapped back. She was sitting in the middle of bed folding the daily bundle of laundry. He stood facing her, she wished that he would move away feeling the onset of a confrontation and his posture intimidating. Most of their discussions took place in the privacy of their bedroom. The rest of the family remained largely oblivious to the financial or personal troubles that plagued them. But this intimacy seemed spiteful now even mean… She would for a change there was someone else with whom she could discuss all her life issues with and not just one man to whom she must always go to.

“That is too impersonal. You know what kind of thieves/criminal lower-class people are out there. Some sort of reference will be good. We have two old people and two children at home. We cannot take a risk for a fulltime servant.” Aditya tried to keep the irritation out of his voice he was trying very hard to sound reasonable. He was painfully aware of her indifference. Something he did not want to pinpoint to her.

“I see Amma toiling all day long all and at her age it is just not good.” He shrugged off trying to evoke sympathy in her little did he realize Neeta was feeling too victimized to empathize with others.

“Yes, sure she works, and she toils while I just sit and do nothing, is that what you want to say” Neeta no longer cared what the discussion was, she just wanted to have a last word. She was trying to tell him something, something for years and he did not listen, he never listened and the more she tried to tell him the more frustrated she became. Whatever else he said did not matter anymore for he would not understand the one thing she wanted to make him. Neeta thought of all this and tears started to well up in her eyes, besides she did not understand why he was so pushy. She agreed to everything he said these days. She bent her head and nervously folded her clothes with utmost concentration not meeting his eyes.

Aditya groaned. Not only his wife had completely misunderstood him. He noted with despair that she was lost again in her own demons. He did not want another emotional outburst.

“Don’t worry, I will handle it,” He addressed her kindly, maybe it was best to drop it.

Neeta bristled over his condescending attitude. “What do you mean, you will handle it as if you handle everything else in this house,” Neeta lifted her head up in anger, facing him, not caring to hide her tears anymore from him.

“What do you want me to do” Aditya could not hide his irritation anymore. He had tried to be kind, he had ignored her indifference and her barbs to his mother. How much more in a corner she wanted to push him.

“Me, you are telling me that I want you to do something! You are the one who wants a full-time maid, not me” Neeta could not believe it, somehow this has again become her issue and not his.

“Well someone has to think about this family right!” The words were out like an arrow zipping out of the bow. Aditya immediately regretted it, Neeta looked up at him with absolute hate and spite and marched out of the room leaving the partially folded clothes still in a mess.

The foremost thought in Aditya’s mind as he stood miserably in the middle of the bedroom was that he will not be able to hire a servant for a long period of time even if they knock on their door and volunteered to work for free. Somewhere inside him there was this sinking realization that his relations with his wife had not improved as he thought instead, they been cloaked to hide the uglier stuff. But he did not want to think about it, someone had to maintain sanity around here.

They avoided each other the rest of the day, focusing on little tasks around the house. It was easy not to talk to each other these days. But Neeta could not help thinking of how the discussion could have gone and what she could have said and not what she did. In love, he was always in her heart, in hate he was always in her mind. She would obsess daily about him, how to reach out to him, how to clarify things up but the more she worried, the more distanced they become and uncommunicative. She wondered if Aditya thought that she ran him through her mind like a repeating tape all day long, he would not accuse her of being so careless in attitude towards him and his family.

Neeta realized she would go mad if she continued to live with him. She hardly focused on anything else, the children, the home, the job. Nothing mattered to her. She made her decision, something that had been niggling in her mind a lot these days.

Aditya was rather surprised as they lay in bed both in their thoughts when Neeta mentioned “I think you should get a full-time servant, you will need it.” He had expected that his wife after the day’s tiff will never give in.

Aditya was jubilant, his old wife was back, the one who agreed to things, the one who was practical and approachable. He hugged her sideways and kissed her on the cheek. “Do not worry about how to get one, there are agents now which can do this. Nikhil from my office told me all about it. I will call him and check it out. Besides between our kids and Mom I think any maid who is willing to stay for the whole day in this mad house will be good enough”, he chuckled

Neeta felt a pang of guilt; she was married to a good and kind man. Not many women can boast of that. She did not have much to complain about.

“They better behave now that I need to go to the USA for six months” she replied dryly. There was no good way to say this. The two of them barely managed to keep it together. Groceries were not bought on time, homework not checked, medicines forgotten, deadlines for bills missed. How was Aditya expected to manage everything alone?

Aditya looked in surprise, “You are going to the US”.

“Yes, Deepak approached me a couple of days back. I asked them to check the possibilities. And they want the final confirmation now. It is about the new product launch and looks like they simply cannot do without me”, Neeta tried to shift the blame on demands of the job

“Six months is a long time,” he looked up at the ceiling with vacant eyes.

“Yes, the money will be good,” Neeta added a little emptily. They did not need money. They needed to be happy. They needed to connect. “Can I go” she hated herself for asking. She had planned this decision as an injunction, not an option. If he said no, they will have a long winding argument full of logic and rationality, an argument Neeta could not win. She couldn’t even justify her decision to herself properly.

But Aditya did not answer immediately. He looked up at the revolving fan for some time, and then he replied enthusiastically. A feigned enthusiasm.

“You should go; you will have fun and if it is important for your career.”

“How will you manage everything here.” Neeta herself asked the question; she had expected to be Aditya’s main argument

“It does not matter. Life goes on, and it is not that a long time. I think you should go” he repeated, he hugged her from her side took her in his arms and whispered. “You loved it when you went to the US before Anjali was born. You were delighted with the whole trip and could not talk about anything else for months. I think this is the break you need to have. Six months is a long time, but we will manage. It is nothing in a lifetime. And hey we can get all our passports and visa and come for a US vacation for about 2 -3 weeks. Think how the children are going to love it. It will be a lifelong memory for them.”

Aditya kept whispering in her ears, and Neeta kept sinking beneath the pile of blankets, quilts, his arms, and guilt. She knew he wanted his wife back the one who laughed and smiled and bantered with him all day long, but he did not realize that love had made her so and that love was no longer there.