28-11-2018, 04:13 AM
Chapter 51
When they left I felt like I was relapsing into my old days when Meera had left me a year ago. And this time the gap between us was swollen the widest. I lay in my couch reliving all of my life since Meera. So many ups and downs.
The only solace was her admitting she doesn’t deserve to be angry with me. That’s because she know what she did was wrong. She must have felt herself to be equally at fault like me. And for all of her misery, I was responsible. My experiments with her failed every time. For my sins, the punishment she gave me appeared merciful to me.
She was kind. What if she had asked me to stand undressed while she proceeded with Mr. Das? She could have tied me to the chair and laughed at me. I was ready to take all she would force upon me. But she was kind. She had mercy. She let me live.
Her kindness allowed her to let me masturbate. She chose to let me wank.
My thoughts were like from a chain reaction. One thought always set off another.
I emptied an entire bottle of whisky that night. Blind drunk, I couldn’t really make out whether my dick was hard or not, but in my mind it stayed on. And I feared masturbating. I didn't try to stop my urge to pull it out and shake it for my wife’s soft moans were still in my ears; her eyes just before sucking his balls flashed in my mind repeatedly. I know I would follow Meera’s instructions and wank; and in defence in had only one weapon; my laziness. I just delayed it; to procrastinate it. I never kept my drink down. It remained in my hand, until the bottle was empty.
I felt my dick was still hard and I opened another bottle. But it slipped out of my hands, and fell on the floor. I heard the sound of it breaking into pieces. I didn't care.
Those glass pieces resemble my life; I thought. All shattered.
I checked my store for another bottle, and came back empty handed. I found my wife’s panty in the couch. I picked it up and smelled it. It had my wife’s smell. Still arousing to me. Still drugging my mind. My dick jerked again inside my trousers.
No. No. I shook my head.
I walked into my room with the tiny cloth that too I felt resembled my life at the moment. All torn into pieces.
I threw it into the table drawer. When I opened the drawer, I noticed a pack of condoms; well, one piece less.
One condom was used by Das to pleasure my wife anally. She had enjoyed it very much, despite fearing it. I closed my eyes and heard her moans.
No. I opened my eyes. Now even the condom packet symbolized my life. Unused. Unlucky. Abandoned.
I pitied those unused, unlucky, abandoned condoms.
I pulled out one from them and laughed at it.
Don't worry buddy. Next time when I find a hole, you’ll be honoured.
I kept it in my purse that lay on the table, and walked back to my bed.
I don't remember much about that night. When I woke up next day at eleven, I found five missed calls. Three of them were from Das.
Bastard. I ignored it.
Two were from Sija, my colleague.
I ignored her too, and walked to kitchen. When I realised I had no liquor left, I was compelled to come back to my reality. I had to buy them first in order to have them.
I was getting ready when Sija called again. I was irritated. I didn’t like this woman though I found her quite hot. I didn't have a specific reason to hate her but I did.
“What?” I asked arrogantly.
She wanted to invite me for her daughter’s birthday.
“Sorry to invite you in the final moment. It’s actually today, tonight. I had tried to call you yesterday too, but you didn't pick up.”
She said.
Oh, that missed calls were of yesterday? I thought.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow. Do such things still happens? I wondered.
“Okay, I will come.”
I said.
My day time mission remained to be purchasing of four bottles of whisky.
At seven thirty pm sharp, I reached Sija’s house. Surprisingly, there were no guests other than her neighbours.
“What kind of birthday party is this? “
I didn't hide my surprise at Sija. She looked at her husband. Jayaram looked a perfect banker. Specs. Pot belly. Half bald.
“She said you’re the only one at work who doesn’t like her. So we thought we should invite you.”
Jayaram said. I felt he was joking.
“Strange selection. Are you expecting me to start liking her after this?”
He laughed.
“I was wondering, when she told me about you, I was wondering how can a man can work with her and dislike her. I thought my wife was hot.”
I wondered the man was a sarcastic suspicious moron or a perfectly friendly natural husband.
Sija was pulling his shirt in embarrassment.
“Well. Your wife is pulling at your shirt. You are embarrassing her.”
I said.
The cake was cut soon, and the neighbours left immediately. Jayaram asked me to have dinner with them. I stayed.
The kids were so happy to see my gift. I had packed two teddy bears in it. They shared one each peacefully.
While at dinner, more strange things began to appear. Jayaram got up many times and disappeared to kitchen for bringing some silly things like a bottle of old pickle, a small slice of lemon etc that nobody asked for. He finished his food in a hurry and went inside his room talking with someone on the phone. I finished food and waited in the hall but he never came out.
I offered to help Sija to wind up the table for the sake of being polite, but she refused.
She quickly dumped the empty dishes in the kitchen and joined me in the hall.
“Where is jayaram gone?” I asked.
Sija was embarrassed a bit.
“He’ll be here soon.” She said.
“Just a phone call. I think it’s his friend.”
But he didn't.
After ten minutes of awkward silence, I came up with conclusions.
“What’s happening here, Sija?”
“Please don't be angry. I don't know how to tell you this. But he has doubts over me. When I said you don't like me, he started to be suspicious that I am hiding it from him.”
So he turned out to be a sarcastic suspicious moronic husband. I thought.
“So what is he expecting now? We make out here?”
Sija’s eyes rolled in bewilderment. She seemed never expecting me talking like that, considering my history of strictly professional conversations with her. She was embarrassed even more.
“Please don't be angry.”
She pleaded.
“Does he like it if his wife is flirting with me?”
“No, no... he doesn't. “
She shook her head sideways.
“He never like me talking with other men, he scolds me always. He’ll never want me...”
“Sija I am definitely not enjoying it. I think I should leave now. Call him.”
I interrupted harshly. I couldn’t bear him anymore. I felt he was a version of my old self.
She went inside and returned after two minutes. When he walked in, I straightaway looked at his crotch. His bulge was pretty visible. He noticed where I was looking at, and he was embarrassed.
“Sorry for leaving you people alone... my appologies... “
He adjusted his clothes a bit, in an attempt to hide his erection.
I laughed, for nothing.
“It’s okay.”
I said.
The man was a two-face. He was hard imagining his wife with her colleague and at the same time accused her for that. I wondered if Sija had ever cuckolded him. Would he ever accept his mind to his wife? Would he ever let her have a date with someone? Would he ever watch her being taken? I wondered.
He would end up worse than me. I thought.
That night I took a walk along the street across my house. I saw a lot of women walking; many of them with their partners. Some were alone.
I felt the hot looking were always those who had men with them. Is it a law of nature?
Others’ wives always look hot. I thought.
Many of the cute faces I saw gave me wonderful smiles. They knew me, hence the smiles. I nodded at them all.
Monday I got calls from Das again. I picked up once.
“Das I don't wanna talk to you.”
“Krish, please listen...”
“Shut the fuck up.”
I said angrily and cut the call.
When Sija came to me at tea break, I pulled her aside. I looked at her eyes, she looked a bit tired.
“What?”
She asked, surprised at my sudden move.
“You look tired. You slept very late last night.”
“No. Nothing happened."
She said.
"I know exactly what happened."
“What?”
“He took you for a surprise, didn't he?”
She was taken aback. She stared at me, a slight smile flashed at the corner of her lips.
“What are you saying?”
I knew she understood what I was saying.
“I am saying he was very good in bed.”
She was embarrassed now, and looked around if someone’s hearing us. She said nothing for a few seconds.
“How do you know?”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Come on... you are...you’re invading my private... I mean it’s too personal...”
She stuttered.
“How are you going to thank me?”
“Shut up, Krish.”
“Don't call me for dinner again. “
“Yeah I will never call you for dinner.”
“You know I will never come even if you invite. Never again.”
“Really? Why?”
“Because your food was very bad.”
She laughed. She bit her lips. She kept looking down shyly. She was enjoying it. I saw her cleavage this time, perfectly.
I deduced she would soon end up in someone else's bed.
That moment I also realised why I could never find a reason for why I hated her. There was none.
Monday night I took my walk again, and saw those hot, other men’s wives again. None of them really fascinated me. I was never looking for a hook up anyway. I compared every beautiful woman out there to Meera. Everyone failed in front of her. My unconscious mind was still dreaming of her. I struck up short conversations with a lot of women, knowing that none of them would excite me like Meera.
A day later I had a surprise call. It was from Nikita. She was back in town.
I hoped she wouldn’t need any special favour from me like last time and immediately asked her out on a coffee. We met at a cafe at six. She wore a brown frock and looked elegant. Hotter than I ever thought, actually.
“You look hot, Neeku.”
I said. Her eyes widened.
“Wow. If you’re saying it must be true.”
She mesmerised me with her smile.
“By the way only my ex calls me Neeku.”
“Oh really, how do I know?”
I showed an innocent face and she grinned.
“How long are you here? “
I asked later.
“I had made a visit a few weeks ago but I couldn’t contact you; it was a very short one. This time I’ll stay for a week. Das has left for Paris.”
I didn't know that.
“When is he returning?”
I didn't really wanna know. But I pretended otherwise.
“Maybe this Saturday... he is...”
“Your husband would be missing you, wouldn't he?”
I interrupted her.
“Nope. He’ll adjust with his work.”
She said.
“That sounds a bit reproachful.”
“I didn't mean reproachful.”
“Are you sure?”
“mmm...okay, maybe somewhat it is...”
she admitted.
“You don't talk for the sake of saying it. I know. Not with me.”
“Yeah. I know. I have that freedom with you, haven’t I?”
I just nodded.
“I feel like I have the freedom with you to share my secrets without really worrying about it...”
“You feel like that? I am afraid you are hell wrong baby...”
“How?”
“I was planning to blackmail you with what I know...”
She was already smiling.
“Blackmail me? for money?”
“No. No.”
"Then what for?"
I leaned forward and lowered my voice.
“I was gonna take you home...”
“Oh really? “
She grinned.
“Yeah”
I said seriously.
“And then what?”
“You have no idea?”
“No.”
“Oh my Neeku... how can you be so innocent about it?”
“Stop it you stupid. Don't call me Neeku.”
She kicked me under the table. The girls at next table stared at us again and I winked at the cute one.
Nikita grabbed her coffee and took a swig.
“I am really sorry. I had to use you that day. I didn't think...”
“No you didn't use me."
She looked at me unbelievably.
“If you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me.”
She smiled.
“Thanks for making me feel better. You know I am really ashamed to even think about it now.”
“But you were really enjoying it while doing it...”
“Shut up. Why is it so difficult to talk to you?”
“This is our first ever coffee date, isn’t it?”
“No it’s not. But yes... first one like this...”
“There is a first time for everything... even I never thought you would be so loud...”
I constantly dragged her into the memory of her fling with her ex in my house a few months back, and she found the cafe a wrong place to be with me. She was embarrassed. And her voice became lower with each of my leg-pull.
“You know I was getting a hard-on, actually.”
I added.
She grinned and kicked my legs again. I caught her between my legs this time.
“Is he still in contact? Ask him to visit again. I am still staying alone.”
"Shut up. It’s a public place. Don't make me throw this cup on you."
She threatened.
It was fun. We parted after the coffee.
When we were leaving the cafe, I saw a familiar face at the other end of the cafe. I waved my hand at her. She returned a smile.
Nikita noticed it.
“Who’s that?”
“That’s Meghna. A friend.”
This time I felt good that she saw me with Nikita. To me, Meghna seemed like an eye of Meera. I felt like Meera was watching me. She must have seen me playing foot games with Nikita. I thought.
Suddenly I felt myself more attracted to Nikita.
When they left I felt like I was relapsing into my old days when Meera had left me a year ago. And this time the gap between us was swollen the widest. I lay in my couch reliving all of my life since Meera. So many ups and downs.
The only solace was her admitting she doesn’t deserve to be angry with me. That’s because she know what she did was wrong. She must have felt herself to be equally at fault like me. And for all of her misery, I was responsible. My experiments with her failed every time. For my sins, the punishment she gave me appeared merciful to me.
She was kind. What if she had asked me to stand undressed while she proceeded with Mr. Das? She could have tied me to the chair and laughed at me. I was ready to take all she would force upon me. But she was kind. She had mercy. She let me live.
Her kindness allowed her to let me masturbate. She chose to let me wank.
My thoughts were like from a chain reaction. One thought always set off another.
I emptied an entire bottle of whisky that night. Blind drunk, I couldn’t really make out whether my dick was hard or not, but in my mind it stayed on. And I feared masturbating. I didn't try to stop my urge to pull it out and shake it for my wife’s soft moans were still in my ears; her eyes just before sucking his balls flashed in my mind repeatedly. I know I would follow Meera’s instructions and wank; and in defence in had only one weapon; my laziness. I just delayed it; to procrastinate it. I never kept my drink down. It remained in my hand, until the bottle was empty.
I felt my dick was still hard and I opened another bottle. But it slipped out of my hands, and fell on the floor. I heard the sound of it breaking into pieces. I didn't care.
Those glass pieces resemble my life; I thought. All shattered.
I checked my store for another bottle, and came back empty handed. I found my wife’s panty in the couch. I picked it up and smelled it. It had my wife’s smell. Still arousing to me. Still drugging my mind. My dick jerked again inside my trousers.
No. No. I shook my head.
I walked into my room with the tiny cloth that too I felt resembled my life at the moment. All torn into pieces.
I threw it into the table drawer. When I opened the drawer, I noticed a pack of condoms; well, one piece less.
One condom was used by Das to pleasure my wife anally. She had enjoyed it very much, despite fearing it. I closed my eyes and heard her moans.
No. I opened my eyes. Now even the condom packet symbolized my life. Unused. Unlucky. Abandoned.
I pitied those unused, unlucky, abandoned condoms.
I pulled out one from them and laughed at it.
Don't worry buddy. Next time when I find a hole, you’ll be honoured.
I kept it in my purse that lay on the table, and walked back to my bed.
I don't remember much about that night. When I woke up next day at eleven, I found five missed calls. Three of them were from Das.
Bastard. I ignored it.
Two were from Sija, my colleague.
I ignored her too, and walked to kitchen. When I realised I had no liquor left, I was compelled to come back to my reality. I had to buy them first in order to have them.
I was getting ready when Sija called again. I was irritated. I didn’t like this woman though I found her quite hot. I didn't have a specific reason to hate her but I did.
“What?” I asked arrogantly.
She wanted to invite me for her daughter’s birthday.
“Sorry to invite you in the final moment. It’s actually today, tonight. I had tried to call you yesterday too, but you didn't pick up.”
She said.
Oh, that missed calls were of yesterday? I thought.
Yesterday, today, tomorrow. Do such things still happens? I wondered.
“Okay, I will come.”
I said.
My day time mission remained to be purchasing of four bottles of whisky.
At seven thirty pm sharp, I reached Sija’s house. Surprisingly, there were no guests other than her neighbours.
“What kind of birthday party is this? “
I didn't hide my surprise at Sija. She looked at her husband. Jayaram looked a perfect banker. Specs. Pot belly. Half bald.
“She said you’re the only one at work who doesn’t like her. So we thought we should invite you.”
Jayaram said. I felt he was joking.
“Strange selection. Are you expecting me to start liking her after this?”
He laughed.
“I was wondering, when she told me about you, I was wondering how can a man can work with her and dislike her. I thought my wife was hot.”
I wondered the man was a sarcastic suspicious moron or a perfectly friendly natural husband.
Sija was pulling his shirt in embarrassment.
“Well. Your wife is pulling at your shirt. You are embarrassing her.”
I said.
The cake was cut soon, and the neighbours left immediately. Jayaram asked me to have dinner with them. I stayed.
The kids were so happy to see my gift. I had packed two teddy bears in it. They shared one each peacefully.
While at dinner, more strange things began to appear. Jayaram got up many times and disappeared to kitchen for bringing some silly things like a bottle of old pickle, a small slice of lemon etc that nobody asked for. He finished his food in a hurry and went inside his room talking with someone on the phone. I finished food and waited in the hall but he never came out.
I offered to help Sija to wind up the table for the sake of being polite, but she refused.
She quickly dumped the empty dishes in the kitchen and joined me in the hall.
“Where is jayaram gone?” I asked.
Sija was embarrassed a bit.
“He’ll be here soon.” She said.
“Just a phone call. I think it’s his friend.”
But he didn't.
After ten minutes of awkward silence, I came up with conclusions.
“What’s happening here, Sija?”
“Please don't be angry. I don't know how to tell you this. But he has doubts over me. When I said you don't like me, he started to be suspicious that I am hiding it from him.”
So he turned out to be a sarcastic suspicious moronic husband. I thought.
“So what is he expecting now? We make out here?”
Sija’s eyes rolled in bewilderment. She seemed never expecting me talking like that, considering my history of strictly professional conversations with her. She was embarrassed even more.
“Please don't be angry.”
She pleaded.
“Does he like it if his wife is flirting with me?”
“No, no... he doesn't. “
She shook her head sideways.
“He never like me talking with other men, he scolds me always. He’ll never want me...”
“Sija I am definitely not enjoying it. I think I should leave now. Call him.”
I interrupted harshly. I couldn’t bear him anymore. I felt he was a version of my old self.
She went inside and returned after two minutes. When he walked in, I straightaway looked at his crotch. His bulge was pretty visible. He noticed where I was looking at, and he was embarrassed.
“Sorry for leaving you people alone... my appologies... “
He adjusted his clothes a bit, in an attempt to hide his erection.
I laughed, for nothing.
“It’s okay.”
I said.
The man was a two-face. He was hard imagining his wife with her colleague and at the same time accused her for that. I wondered if Sija had ever cuckolded him. Would he ever accept his mind to his wife? Would he ever let her have a date with someone? Would he ever watch her being taken? I wondered.
He would end up worse than me. I thought.
That night I took a walk along the street across my house. I saw a lot of women walking; many of them with their partners. Some were alone.
I felt the hot looking were always those who had men with them. Is it a law of nature?
Others’ wives always look hot. I thought.
Many of the cute faces I saw gave me wonderful smiles. They knew me, hence the smiles. I nodded at them all.
Monday I got calls from Das again. I picked up once.
“Das I don't wanna talk to you.”
“Krish, please listen...”
“Shut the fuck up.”
I said angrily and cut the call.
When Sija came to me at tea break, I pulled her aside. I looked at her eyes, she looked a bit tired.
“What?”
She asked, surprised at my sudden move.
“You look tired. You slept very late last night.”
“No. Nothing happened."
She said.
"I know exactly what happened."
“What?”
“He took you for a surprise, didn't he?”
She was taken aback. She stared at me, a slight smile flashed at the corner of her lips.
“What are you saying?”
I knew she understood what I was saying.
“I am saying he was very good in bed.”
She was embarrassed now, and looked around if someone’s hearing us. She said nothing for a few seconds.
“How do you know?”
“Did you enjoy it?”
“Come on... you are...you’re invading my private... I mean it’s too personal...”
She stuttered.
“How are you going to thank me?”
“Shut up, Krish.”
“Don't call me for dinner again. “
“Yeah I will never call you for dinner.”
“You know I will never come even if you invite. Never again.”
“Really? Why?”
“Because your food was very bad.”
She laughed. She bit her lips. She kept looking down shyly. She was enjoying it. I saw her cleavage this time, perfectly.
I deduced she would soon end up in someone else's bed.
That moment I also realised why I could never find a reason for why I hated her. There was none.
Monday night I took my walk again, and saw those hot, other men’s wives again. None of them really fascinated me. I was never looking for a hook up anyway. I compared every beautiful woman out there to Meera. Everyone failed in front of her. My unconscious mind was still dreaming of her. I struck up short conversations with a lot of women, knowing that none of them would excite me like Meera.
A day later I had a surprise call. It was from Nikita. She was back in town.
I hoped she wouldn’t need any special favour from me like last time and immediately asked her out on a coffee. We met at a cafe at six. She wore a brown frock and looked elegant. Hotter than I ever thought, actually.
“You look hot, Neeku.”
I said. Her eyes widened.
“Wow. If you’re saying it must be true.”
She mesmerised me with her smile.
“By the way only my ex calls me Neeku.”
“Oh really, how do I know?”
I showed an innocent face and she grinned.
“How long are you here? “
I asked later.
“I had made a visit a few weeks ago but I couldn’t contact you; it was a very short one. This time I’ll stay for a week. Das has left for Paris.”
I didn't know that.
“When is he returning?”
I didn't really wanna know. But I pretended otherwise.
“Maybe this Saturday... he is...”
“Your husband would be missing you, wouldn't he?”
I interrupted her.
“Nope. He’ll adjust with his work.”
She said.
“That sounds a bit reproachful.”
“I didn't mean reproachful.”
“Are you sure?”
“mmm...okay, maybe somewhat it is...”
she admitted.
“You don't talk for the sake of saying it. I know. Not with me.”
“Yeah. I know. I have that freedom with you, haven’t I?”
I just nodded.
“I feel like I have the freedom with you to share my secrets without really worrying about it...”
“You feel like that? I am afraid you are hell wrong baby...”
“How?”
“I was planning to blackmail you with what I know...”
She was already smiling.
“Blackmail me? for money?”
“No. No.”
"Then what for?"
I leaned forward and lowered my voice.
“I was gonna take you home...”
“Oh really? “
She grinned.
“Yeah”
I said seriously.
“And then what?”
“You have no idea?”
“No.”
“Oh my Neeku... how can you be so innocent about it?”
“Stop it you stupid. Don't call me Neeku.”
She kicked me under the table. The girls at next table stared at us again and I winked at the cute one.
Nikita grabbed her coffee and took a swig.
“I am really sorry. I had to use you that day. I didn't think...”
“No you didn't use me."
She looked at me unbelievably.
“If you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here with me.”
She smiled.
“Thanks for making me feel better. You know I am really ashamed to even think about it now.”
“But you were really enjoying it while doing it...”
“Shut up. Why is it so difficult to talk to you?”
“This is our first ever coffee date, isn’t it?”
“No it’s not. But yes... first one like this...”
“There is a first time for everything... even I never thought you would be so loud...”
I constantly dragged her into the memory of her fling with her ex in my house a few months back, and she found the cafe a wrong place to be with me. She was embarrassed. And her voice became lower with each of my leg-pull.
“You know I was getting a hard-on, actually.”
I added.
She grinned and kicked my legs again. I caught her between my legs this time.
“Is he still in contact? Ask him to visit again. I am still staying alone.”
"Shut up. It’s a public place. Don't make me throw this cup on you."
She threatened.
It was fun. We parted after the coffee.
When we were leaving the cafe, I saw a familiar face at the other end of the cafe. I waved my hand at her. She returned a smile.
Nikita noticed it.
“Who’s that?”
“That’s Meghna. A friend.”
This time I felt good that she saw me with Nikita. To me, Meghna seemed like an eye of Meera. I felt like Meera was watching me. She must have seen me playing foot games with Nikita. I thought.
Suddenly I felt myself more attracted to Nikita.
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