12-04-2020, 03:53 PM
Saravanan couldn’t make what of it. Why is Prabu here with his whole family. He had never expected to see him again. Maybe they could have passed each other by on the very rare instances when Prabu came back to town. He however never expected that Prabu would actually visit his house especially not after they had parted company the last time. Saravanan looked at Meera. After the initial shock she had quickly gone inside leaving him to greet the visitors.
“Come in, what a surprise seeing you here,” Saravanan genuinely meant it and was not saying this for formality’s sake.
Saravanan could see the uneasiness in Prabu’s face. Not just uneasiness but there seemed to be dejection too on his face. By seeing that Saravanan realised that it was probably not Prabu’s idea to pay them a visit. In all likelihood it would have been his wife Gomathi’s idea.
“Thank you, it’s good to see you again.”
It was Gomathi who said that with a cheerful smile on her face. Prabu’s smile was very diffident nothing like the confident or you could say even almost arrogant smile that was usually on his face. Gomathi walked in confidently followed by Prabu somewhat meekly. Even though Meera had walked in without even inviting them in, Gomathi walked straight up to her and took Meera’s hands in her hands.
“Akka (elder sister), how are you? What happened you don’t look well at all?”
Meera looked with anxiety at her husband. She did not know what to say. The last thing she wanted was Prabu to think that her health was affected because of her yearning caused by their separation. Saravanan came to her rescue.
“No, she has been having some gastric problem lately and has been unable to eat properly. She will be alright soon. We have seen the doctor and she is on proper medications.”
To change the topic Saravanan said,” Please come, sit down.” As he walked to the sofa.
He sat in a single sofa while Prabu sat beside him on the long sofa with Gomathi sitting on the other side of him. Gomathi had dragged Meera along with her and Meera had no choice but to sit on the other single sofa on the other side of the long sofa. Prabu had his daughter on his lap. Meera did not want to look at Prabu at all. In fact unlike the time when Prabu had come back after almost three years for his father’s funeral where she was yearning to see her lover, she had no desire whatsoever to see him this time. Also the fact they were sitting on the sofa where she had so often wronged her husband with Prabu was not only causing her to be uncomfortable but was also making her very unhappy.
“When did you come to town? Saravanan asked Prabu.
Prabu spoke very hesitantly as he answered him. “Mother spends most of her time in Pappu’s house as she doesn’t stay very far from here. She only comes back once in a while to clean the house.”
“Is that so? Sorry I didn’t keep in touch with mother.” Saravanan had from the time when Meera’s affair with Prabu had finally ended, had not kept any sort of connection with Prabu’s family. He did not know what was going on with them.
“Yes, but she is home now. This time we want her to come and stay with us in Chennai permanently but she doesn’t want to.”
“It’s good Prabu if you can look after your mother yourself. She is getting old and without your father she would feel lonely.”
Saravanan thought of Prabu’s father very fondly. He was a straightforward and honourable man. That’s why he could not ease his conscience at what his son had done. It finally led him to an early demise.
“That’s what I have been telling him too,” Gomathi now interjected in the conversation.
“I was willing but my mother didn’t want to come. What can I do,” Prabu lamented, defending his lack of effort.
“So, what’s the situation now?” Saravanan enquired.
“She finally agreed to come, at least for a few months and then we will see how she feels about staying there longer,” Prabu replied.
Three of the people there knew of the distressing emotional entanglement that happened because of the three-way relationship between them. It was causing great internal emotional upheaval but they bravely tried to have a normal civil conversation. Talking normally but at the same time hiding their emotions from showing was the difficult part. While the three of them were speaking Meera had her gaze on the floor.
“That’s good. So how long will you be here?” Saravanan asked.
“We are here for three days, we will only be going on the fourth day,” this time it was Gomathi who replied.
“Look at this, I’m talking to you without offering any refreshment. Would coffee be okay. Meera can you make coffee for all of us,” Saravanan said.
Meera’s face jerked up in surprise as she looked at her husband. She wanted them out of the house as soon as possible but her husband was offering coffee to them. She knew off course that offering visitors some beverage was the right thing and customary thing to do but she just could not stand the thought of Prabu being in this house.
It was so different from how it was those few years before. Then she had looked forward to having Prabu come and visit her. Almost all the time such visits would very quickly turn to romantic and lustful sexual encounters between them. Even when those visits were on the days of her monthly periods it was not bereft of sexual pleasure. She would please him with her hands or her mouth. Now however even sitting here was making her feel very distressed because they were sitting in the same sofa that she and Prabu had mated on. This was not causing pleasant memories like before but rather painful ones reminding her of her shameful behaviour.
Having to go and make them coffee itself was very unpleasant for her. That’s because it was by asking her for coffee was the way Prabu first started insinuated himself into her consciousness. Yet she now had to act the gracious host till the nightmare of their sudden unexpected visit ended. Meera slowly got up without saying a word and started walking to the kitchen. She could feel someone’s gaze on the back of her body as she walked from the hall into the kitchen via their dining hall. She just hoped it was not Prabu who was gazing at her as it gave her a creepy feeling quite the opposite to her feelings before.
Meera could hear the conversation between the three of them as she walked. The words were coming faintly to her ears. Though the words were little audible she could not make out what was being said in the conversation. As she stood in front of the stove she started taking in a few deep breaths. She needed to calm herself down. She slowly gathered her thoughts on her feelings. As she slowly became a little calmer and her thoughts a little clearer she had a great feeling of relieve. Though she had categorically decided that her affair with Prabu must end and suffered tremendous anguish for the pain she had caused her husband, she really did not know what her deeply hidden inner feelings would be if she were to ever meet Prabu again. Did she truly want nothing to do with Prabu again or she had just suppressed her true feelings because she thought that was the right thing to do.
That test would only come if she ever were to see Prabu again she thought. She also believed that, that was never going to happen till today. Now that it had unexpectedly happened she had got her answers. There were no feelings of excitement, no feelings of longing, no feelings of passion. Nothing whatsoever. No feelings of hate either. This was important, love and hate sometimes can be so closely intertwined in relationships such as this that love turns to hate and hate to love easily. Now however she felt nothing. He just did not mean anything to her at all. She truly could not be bothered about where he goes, what he does or what happens to him. Her only concern is the happiness of her husband who is going through all the difficulties for the sake of her wellbeing.
As she put a kettle of water on the stove, she felt someone walking into the kitchen. She turned to see it was her husband. She knew Prabu would not dare come in there but she was in no mood to carry on a conversation with Gomathi either. Saravanan walked up to her, concern etched on his face.
“Meera are you okay? How are you coping. You want me to help you to make the coffee?”
She looked at him her eyes softening. Oh, how she wished she could just hug him to her now and bury her head on his chest and cry. Yet she could not do that. She knew how unworthy she was to do that.
“It’s okay, go talk to them. I’ll make the coffee and come soon.”
“Are you sure Meera. Tell me if you need me to do anything,” Saravanan said his face still anxious.
Meera gave him a small trembling smile. The first smile for him that he had seen on her face for a very long time. It also made Saravanan very happy.
“No, I’ll manage. You please go. They are there all alone .. but I don’t understand why they came for a visit all of a sudden,” Meera voiced out what they both were thinking.
“I have the same question in my mind,” Saravanan said.
Saravanan had a slight feeling of trepidation that this visit had something more to do than just a social visit. Is it going to cause another upheaval in his life, he wondered in his mind. He walked back to the hall and noted that Gomathi and Prabu seemed to be having an earnest whispering conversation. They stopped as soon as he walked in. This further convinced Saravanan that this visit had something more than meets the eye. As he sat down, they started talking generally again. Saravanan enquired about Prabu’s business. Prabu said it was doing fairly well though it was not yet as big a level as Saravanan’s business. Saravanan advised him that it always took time and hard work to succeed. Unwanted diversions can easily make a business fail. It was as if he was hinting something to Prabu.
Meera walked in with the coffee for everyone. She placed the coffee tray on the table in front of everyone and each of them took a cup for themselves. Prabu’s daughter appeared to be napping on his lap.
Saravanan looked at the sleeping child and commented,” Your daughter has your looks Prabu.”
Gomathi smiled on hearing this,” Really you think so?”
She turned to Meera and said,” What do you think Akka, does she look like him or me?”
Meera did not like to be pulled into the conversation but now was forced to look at the child.
“I don’t know, I cannot tell. Maybe it’s too early to tell,” Meera answered.
She felt that saying this itself had been more than necessary. She should have just nodded her head.
“Akka is correct, you have not observed my child properly,” Gomathi said looking at Saravanan.
Prabu’s head suddenly hung down as if he knew what was to come next.
“How can she look like him when she is not his child,” Gomathi said waiting to see Meera’s and Saravanan’s reaction.
Both of them looked up stunned.
“Wha… wha… what are you saying, ”Saravanan blabbered.
Meera was equally shocked. She didn’t know what to say. Did Gomathi cheat on Prabu like the way she had on her husband? Even if she had then why is she revealing it especially with Prabu here. In her heart she felt a twinge of gladness, if Gomathi had cheated on Prabu then he definitely deserved it. She looked closely at Prabu’s face for the first time now. It was dull and morose. This was no surprise to him. He knew about this before.
“Before both of you think anything about me, let me clarify she was not born from my womb either. She is our adopted daughter,” Gomathi said with a small smile.
“I don’t understand. How is this possible .. I’m confused,” Saravanan said.
“Let me explain. I don’t know if you knew, we told our respective parents that I was pregnant when we were in the gulf. Both our parents wanted us to have a child and started pestering us when more than 5 months had passed without any good new. When I said I was pregnant, my mother wanted to come there or if not asked me to come back here. We convinced them that it was not possible to get visa and that there was good hospitalisation benefit in the company where Prabu worked. We had people to take care of me here. My mother was not happy and kept pestering me but I somehow managed her. We actually came back here with the child in hand. All the proper paperwork was done. The child was born to an unwed Indian girl there.”
Now both Saravanan and Meera were listening to her attentively. Prabu still had his head hung down, probably in shame. Gomathi continued.
“When I couldn’t get pregnant, we both had ourselves tested.” “It turned out that my husband did not have the ability to make me a mother. It would have greatly disappointed both our parents if this had been known, especially my husband’s as he was the only male heir. So, we came up with this deception. We didn’t want to unnecessarily upset our parents.”
So, this so called masculine, virile man, the seducer of other men’s wives was incapable of fathering a child, Meera thought as she laughed to herself. She had been thinking it was just luck that she did not get pregnant by Prabu when they first started having sex as they did not always use precaution. At that time of course Prabu too would not have been aware that he could not father a child. So he did not care she got pregnant or secretly wanted her to become pregnant by him. That being said, she too did not deeply worry about it at that time. It just showed how blinded by lust she was at that time. It’s god’s grace that she did not get pregnant she thought. So anyway, why is this all being revealed to us she wondered to herself.
“So why are you telling all this to us?” Saravanan asked echoing her thoughts.
Instead of answering Gomathi asked in return. “Think about my situation. Let me ask you two,” she said addressing both Saravanan and Meera, “is it fair that I cannot experience the joy of motherhood.”
Saravanan and Meera both were silent for a few seconds then Saravanan replied,” Sometimes fate makes us suffer many adversities, we just have to accept it and learn to deal with it. Sometimes things can’t be changed.”
“I agree, sometimes nothing can be done but if there is a way why not do it,” Gomathi said firmly.
“What do you mean?” Saravanan asked confused.
“I am capable of being a mother so ….,” she dragged … why can’t I be a mother through you.”
“WHATT!!!... are you mad,” Saravanan shouted and got up suddenly, shocked by what he heard.
“What!!! My husband,” Meera thought in shock and pain.
The child sleeping on Prabu’s lap woke up at the sound and started crying.
“Are you mad,” he said again, upset at what she had said,” why me you could have gone elsewhere.”
“Why not you,” Gomathi said softly, “ I know everything about your wife and my husband.”
Now both Meera and Saravanan were shocked into silence. Prabu’s face had a forlorn, helpless look. Seeing the sadness there it was evident that he was not happy with this.
“Come in, what a surprise seeing you here,” Saravanan genuinely meant it and was not saying this for formality’s sake.
Saravanan could see the uneasiness in Prabu’s face. Not just uneasiness but there seemed to be dejection too on his face. By seeing that Saravanan realised that it was probably not Prabu’s idea to pay them a visit. In all likelihood it would have been his wife Gomathi’s idea.
“Thank you, it’s good to see you again.”
It was Gomathi who said that with a cheerful smile on her face. Prabu’s smile was very diffident nothing like the confident or you could say even almost arrogant smile that was usually on his face. Gomathi walked in confidently followed by Prabu somewhat meekly. Even though Meera had walked in without even inviting them in, Gomathi walked straight up to her and took Meera’s hands in her hands.
“Akka (elder sister), how are you? What happened you don’t look well at all?”
Meera looked with anxiety at her husband. She did not know what to say. The last thing she wanted was Prabu to think that her health was affected because of her yearning caused by their separation. Saravanan came to her rescue.
“No, she has been having some gastric problem lately and has been unable to eat properly. She will be alright soon. We have seen the doctor and she is on proper medications.”
To change the topic Saravanan said,” Please come, sit down.” As he walked to the sofa.
He sat in a single sofa while Prabu sat beside him on the long sofa with Gomathi sitting on the other side of him. Gomathi had dragged Meera along with her and Meera had no choice but to sit on the other single sofa on the other side of the long sofa. Prabu had his daughter on his lap. Meera did not want to look at Prabu at all. In fact unlike the time when Prabu had come back after almost three years for his father’s funeral where she was yearning to see her lover, she had no desire whatsoever to see him this time. Also the fact they were sitting on the sofa where she had so often wronged her husband with Prabu was not only causing her to be uncomfortable but was also making her very unhappy.
“When did you come to town? Saravanan asked Prabu.
Prabu spoke very hesitantly as he answered him. “Mother spends most of her time in Pappu’s house as she doesn’t stay very far from here. She only comes back once in a while to clean the house.”
“Is that so? Sorry I didn’t keep in touch with mother.” Saravanan had from the time when Meera’s affair with Prabu had finally ended, had not kept any sort of connection with Prabu’s family. He did not know what was going on with them.
“Yes, but she is home now. This time we want her to come and stay with us in Chennai permanently but she doesn’t want to.”
“It’s good Prabu if you can look after your mother yourself. She is getting old and without your father she would feel lonely.”
Saravanan thought of Prabu’s father very fondly. He was a straightforward and honourable man. That’s why he could not ease his conscience at what his son had done. It finally led him to an early demise.
“That’s what I have been telling him too,” Gomathi now interjected in the conversation.
“I was willing but my mother didn’t want to come. What can I do,” Prabu lamented, defending his lack of effort.
“So, what’s the situation now?” Saravanan enquired.
“She finally agreed to come, at least for a few months and then we will see how she feels about staying there longer,” Prabu replied.
Three of the people there knew of the distressing emotional entanglement that happened because of the three-way relationship between them. It was causing great internal emotional upheaval but they bravely tried to have a normal civil conversation. Talking normally but at the same time hiding their emotions from showing was the difficult part. While the three of them were speaking Meera had her gaze on the floor.
“That’s good. So how long will you be here?” Saravanan asked.
“We are here for three days, we will only be going on the fourth day,” this time it was Gomathi who replied.
“Look at this, I’m talking to you without offering any refreshment. Would coffee be okay. Meera can you make coffee for all of us,” Saravanan said.
Meera’s face jerked up in surprise as she looked at her husband. She wanted them out of the house as soon as possible but her husband was offering coffee to them. She knew off course that offering visitors some beverage was the right thing and customary thing to do but she just could not stand the thought of Prabu being in this house.
It was so different from how it was those few years before. Then she had looked forward to having Prabu come and visit her. Almost all the time such visits would very quickly turn to romantic and lustful sexual encounters between them. Even when those visits were on the days of her monthly periods it was not bereft of sexual pleasure. She would please him with her hands or her mouth. Now however even sitting here was making her feel very distressed because they were sitting in the same sofa that she and Prabu had mated on. This was not causing pleasant memories like before but rather painful ones reminding her of her shameful behaviour.
Having to go and make them coffee itself was very unpleasant for her. That’s because it was by asking her for coffee was the way Prabu first started insinuated himself into her consciousness. Yet she now had to act the gracious host till the nightmare of their sudden unexpected visit ended. Meera slowly got up without saying a word and started walking to the kitchen. She could feel someone’s gaze on the back of her body as she walked from the hall into the kitchen via their dining hall. She just hoped it was not Prabu who was gazing at her as it gave her a creepy feeling quite the opposite to her feelings before.
Meera could hear the conversation between the three of them as she walked. The words were coming faintly to her ears. Though the words were little audible she could not make out what was being said in the conversation. As she stood in front of the stove she started taking in a few deep breaths. She needed to calm herself down. She slowly gathered her thoughts on her feelings. As she slowly became a little calmer and her thoughts a little clearer she had a great feeling of relieve. Though she had categorically decided that her affair with Prabu must end and suffered tremendous anguish for the pain she had caused her husband, she really did not know what her deeply hidden inner feelings would be if she were to ever meet Prabu again. Did she truly want nothing to do with Prabu again or she had just suppressed her true feelings because she thought that was the right thing to do.
That test would only come if she ever were to see Prabu again she thought. She also believed that, that was never going to happen till today. Now that it had unexpectedly happened she had got her answers. There were no feelings of excitement, no feelings of longing, no feelings of passion. Nothing whatsoever. No feelings of hate either. This was important, love and hate sometimes can be so closely intertwined in relationships such as this that love turns to hate and hate to love easily. Now however she felt nothing. He just did not mean anything to her at all. She truly could not be bothered about where he goes, what he does or what happens to him. Her only concern is the happiness of her husband who is going through all the difficulties for the sake of her wellbeing.
As she put a kettle of water on the stove, she felt someone walking into the kitchen. She turned to see it was her husband. She knew Prabu would not dare come in there but she was in no mood to carry on a conversation with Gomathi either. Saravanan walked up to her, concern etched on his face.
“Meera are you okay? How are you coping. You want me to help you to make the coffee?”
She looked at him her eyes softening. Oh, how she wished she could just hug him to her now and bury her head on his chest and cry. Yet she could not do that. She knew how unworthy she was to do that.
“It’s okay, go talk to them. I’ll make the coffee and come soon.”
“Are you sure Meera. Tell me if you need me to do anything,” Saravanan said his face still anxious.
Meera gave him a small trembling smile. The first smile for him that he had seen on her face for a very long time. It also made Saravanan very happy.
“No, I’ll manage. You please go. They are there all alone .. but I don’t understand why they came for a visit all of a sudden,” Meera voiced out what they both were thinking.
“I have the same question in my mind,” Saravanan said.
Saravanan had a slight feeling of trepidation that this visit had something more to do than just a social visit. Is it going to cause another upheaval in his life, he wondered in his mind. He walked back to the hall and noted that Gomathi and Prabu seemed to be having an earnest whispering conversation. They stopped as soon as he walked in. This further convinced Saravanan that this visit had something more than meets the eye. As he sat down, they started talking generally again. Saravanan enquired about Prabu’s business. Prabu said it was doing fairly well though it was not yet as big a level as Saravanan’s business. Saravanan advised him that it always took time and hard work to succeed. Unwanted diversions can easily make a business fail. It was as if he was hinting something to Prabu.
Meera walked in with the coffee for everyone. She placed the coffee tray on the table in front of everyone and each of them took a cup for themselves. Prabu’s daughter appeared to be napping on his lap.
Saravanan looked at the sleeping child and commented,” Your daughter has your looks Prabu.”
Gomathi smiled on hearing this,” Really you think so?”
She turned to Meera and said,” What do you think Akka, does she look like him or me?”
Meera did not like to be pulled into the conversation but now was forced to look at the child.
“I don’t know, I cannot tell. Maybe it’s too early to tell,” Meera answered.
She felt that saying this itself had been more than necessary. She should have just nodded her head.
“Akka is correct, you have not observed my child properly,” Gomathi said looking at Saravanan.
Prabu’s head suddenly hung down as if he knew what was to come next.
“How can she look like him when she is not his child,” Gomathi said waiting to see Meera’s and Saravanan’s reaction.
Both of them looked up stunned.
“Wha… wha… what are you saying, ”Saravanan blabbered.
Meera was equally shocked. She didn’t know what to say. Did Gomathi cheat on Prabu like the way she had on her husband? Even if she had then why is she revealing it especially with Prabu here. In her heart she felt a twinge of gladness, if Gomathi had cheated on Prabu then he definitely deserved it. She looked closely at Prabu’s face for the first time now. It was dull and morose. This was no surprise to him. He knew about this before.
“Before both of you think anything about me, let me clarify she was not born from my womb either. She is our adopted daughter,” Gomathi said with a small smile.
“I don’t understand. How is this possible .. I’m confused,” Saravanan said.
“Let me explain. I don’t know if you knew, we told our respective parents that I was pregnant when we were in the gulf. Both our parents wanted us to have a child and started pestering us when more than 5 months had passed without any good new. When I said I was pregnant, my mother wanted to come there or if not asked me to come back here. We convinced them that it was not possible to get visa and that there was good hospitalisation benefit in the company where Prabu worked. We had people to take care of me here. My mother was not happy and kept pestering me but I somehow managed her. We actually came back here with the child in hand. All the proper paperwork was done. The child was born to an unwed Indian girl there.”
Now both Saravanan and Meera were listening to her attentively. Prabu still had his head hung down, probably in shame. Gomathi continued.
“When I couldn’t get pregnant, we both had ourselves tested.” “It turned out that my husband did not have the ability to make me a mother. It would have greatly disappointed both our parents if this had been known, especially my husband’s as he was the only male heir. So, we came up with this deception. We didn’t want to unnecessarily upset our parents.”
So, this so called masculine, virile man, the seducer of other men’s wives was incapable of fathering a child, Meera thought as she laughed to herself. She had been thinking it was just luck that she did not get pregnant by Prabu when they first started having sex as they did not always use precaution. At that time of course Prabu too would not have been aware that he could not father a child. So he did not care she got pregnant or secretly wanted her to become pregnant by him. That being said, she too did not deeply worry about it at that time. It just showed how blinded by lust she was at that time. It’s god’s grace that she did not get pregnant she thought. So anyway, why is this all being revealed to us she wondered to herself.
“So why are you telling all this to us?” Saravanan asked echoing her thoughts.
Instead of answering Gomathi asked in return. “Think about my situation. Let me ask you two,” she said addressing both Saravanan and Meera, “is it fair that I cannot experience the joy of motherhood.”
Saravanan and Meera both were silent for a few seconds then Saravanan replied,” Sometimes fate makes us suffer many adversities, we just have to accept it and learn to deal with it. Sometimes things can’t be changed.”
“I agree, sometimes nothing can be done but if there is a way why not do it,” Gomathi said firmly.
“What do you mean?” Saravanan asked confused.
“I am capable of being a mother so ….,” she dragged … why can’t I be a mother through you.”
“WHATT!!!... are you mad,” Saravanan shouted and got up suddenly, shocked by what he heard.
“What!!! My husband,” Meera thought in shock and pain.
The child sleeping on Prabu’s lap woke up at the sound and started crying.
“Are you mad,” he said again, upset at what she had said,” why me you could have gone elsewhere.”
“Why not you,” Gomathi said softly, “ I know everything about your wife and my husband.”
Now both Meera and Saravanan were shocked into silence. Prabu’s face had a forlorn, helpless look. Seeing the sadness there it was evident that he was not happy with this.
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