08-04-2020, 11:10 PM
The following week Saravanan took Meera for an appointment with Dr. Arul Prabakaran, the Psychiatric specialist recommended by the Doctor who was treating Meera. Meera became panicked when she saw that they were going to a different hospital than the one she had gone to before.
The panic caused her to speak as she was often withdrawn and did not speak out on her own but would rather only respond to people talking to her. The exception to this were her children and sometimes, Saravanan.
“Where are we going? Why this hospital?” she asked.
“Don’t worry, we are seeing a new doctor. Our old doctor recommended we see him,” Saravanan said reassuringly.
“Actually, I don’t know why we should see a doctor, I’m alright.”
Talking to her soothingly they arrived at the reception. On asking for Dr. Arul they were directed to his treatment room on the 2nd floor of the Hospital. The receptionist for the doctor told them to wait as the doctor was currently with another patient. They were about 15 minutes early for their appointment. Saravanan could see that Meera was getting more and more nervous as she sat there waiting. Finally, a couple came out from the doctor’s room, having finished their consultation.
The nurse cum receptionist asked Saravanan and Meera to go in. Dr. Arul was a man who seemed to be in his mid to late forties. He had a kind face that would calm a patient talking to him. That was probably a plus point for the speciality he was in.
“Come in, Mr. Saravanan and Mrs. Meera,” he said greeting them warmly with a smile. “Dr. Ganesh (the specialist who treated Meera earlier) has briefed me about you. Please sit down.”
He then generally started asking some questions about their background, such as age, educational background, residence, profession etc. He had a soothing way of talking and Meera slowly started losing her panic. Dr. Arul then called in another nurse to take Meera to an attached room to this room. He asked her to take the measurement of Meera’s weight, height and pressure and to have Meera lie down in a bed for awhile while he spoke to Saravanan.
Once Meera had left reluctantly (she didn’t want to leave Saravanan’s side) with the nurse Dr. Arul turned his attention to Saravanan.
“Mr. Saravanan, can I just call you by name? I don’t want this to be too formal.”
“Sure doctor, no problem.”
“Good, good. Saravanan Dr. Ganesh told me about all the tests he had run through for your wife and his findings. Now I would really like you to tell me what problems or issues that has arisen leading to the situation now. I need to know everything.”
Dr. Arul could see the hesitation on Saravanan’s part. He well understood that. In his more than 20 years of experience in treating patients he knew how difficult it was for people to open up. He has practically seen it all and the hurt it causes the people to even talk about it again. It usually evokes painful memories. Matters like these were usually both very personal and sensitive. He had to be patient and he had to reassure the people who seek his help in resolving their issues.
“Saravanan, I know it is difficult for you to speak about what had happened but it is essential I know the situation clearly before I can help the both of you. I assure you that what you disclose here would strictly have doctor/patient confidentiality and it would not be revealed to anyone else, not even the nurses that work for me. They will only know the treatment/medicine I prescribe but no details of the patient’s history. That would strictly be in my personal confidential notes.”
Dr. Arul saw Saravanan relax a bit after he had spoken but he could still see Saravanan struggle to open up and disclose the matter. It must be a matter that was personally very embarrassing for him to reveal. He could guess what it could possibly be but he did not want to jump to conclusions and waited for Saravanan to talk.
“Saravanan, I can’t help if you don’t reveal what had caused a problem for your wife or for you for that matter.”
Saravanan took a deep breath. Apart from the brief moment when he had spoken to Prabu’s father when he (Prabu’s father) had stumbled upon Prabu having sex with his wife, he had not talked about this to any other person. He was aware it needed to be disclosed to Dr. Arul but by doing that it was going to reopen some very painful wounds. For the sake of his wife mental wellbeing he had no choice but to do so.
“Doctor it all started about three and a half years ago. That was when my old childhood friend called Prabu came back to our hometown from the gulf.”
Dr. Arul began to understand where the problem started and what the problem was likely to be. In his many years of experience, when it involved problems between a couple it was usually because of the intervention of a third party into the relationship. Most of the cases would be because of another woman disturbing the harmony of the conjugal relationship but instances of the involvement of another man was not completely uncommon.
He listened as he heard how Prabu slowly wormed his way into the household. How he soon began to make the visits frequent and then making visits to his house without his knowledge. Saravanan also revealed how his own family had lost everything and that it was through his own will and hard work that he had become a successful businessman. How that task still consumed his time and his strong need to look after his business and cement that success.
“When did you suspect that there was more going on between them than met the eyes.”
That’s when Saravanan told about how the pink jasmine flowers had sparked his suspicion. Dr. Arul was not surprised. Even though cheating couple would go to great lengths to maintain their deception there would always be some unexpected thing that would give them away. In this case strangely it was pink jasmine. Saravanan also told about the day he found Prabu’s bank passbook in his home and that Prabu had returned from Chennai and had gone straight to his home without even telling him of his return.
“When did you confirm that there was a sexual affair going on between your childhood friend and your wife?”
Saravanan told him about the time before Prabu’s sister marriage, the other time in his house two days after the marriage and the third time in the old temple hall. Saravanan also told him how the affair ended then because of Prabu’s father. Dr. Arul wanted to know why he Saravanan had not confronted his wife or his friend to stop the affair. He listened carefully as Saravanan revealed his fears and also the love and type of relationship between him and his wife before Prabu’s unwanted intrusion into their lives.
“That was more than three years ago, tell me if any other thing happened after that,” probed Dr. Arul.
Saravanan then told him about the events of around eight months ago. How only after that his wife’s health seemed to be getting bad to worse. How she had lost weight and even her look had become haggard, her natural beauty now not so much evident.
That day after the time Dr. Arul spent with him he had a counselling session privately with Meera. He told Saravanan that his wife may be unable to open up and talk to him if Saravanan was also there. Meera was very uncomfortable to be alone with the doctor and sought the solace of the presence of Saravanan with them. Saravanan had to reassure her that he was there just outside the room in the reception area. After the session Dr. Arul again spoke to Saravanan privately.
“Your wife has become deeply affected about what had happened in her life. I could hardly get her to talk but I expected this. There are ways we can slowly get the patient to open up but it will take time. I’m afraid this is not going to be easy.”
“What is wrong with her doctor. Can it be cured?”
“Well I need to have a few more counselling sessions before I can confidently come to definitive conclusion but I can more or less say she is suffering from MDD.”
“MDD? What’s that doctor?”
“MDD stands for Major Depressive Disorder or simply you can say depression.”
“Saravanan, people suffering from this usually have a few symptoms like low self-esteem, lack of interest in things, loss of appetite, mood swings etc.”
It struck a chord with Saravanan as he could recognize some of these in Meera.
“Can anything be done doctor, can you help her?”
“I will try. I will start her on some medicines straightaway. Tell me how is her sleep?”
Saravanan thought for a while. “Yes doctor I have seen her still awake if I happen to inadvertently wake up during the night.”
“I will start her on Alprazolam and on antidepressants serotonin. I will let you know on the dosage and frequency of administration of the medicines.”
What Dr. Arul did not tell Saravanan was in a small but significant percentage of patients it could lead to suicide. That was less than 10 % and there was no need to alarm Saravanan at this point.
“The best case scenario would be for me to see her once a week for counselling. I am afraid that would incur more cost to you not also mentioning the time. If finance is an issue we can keep it to 2 sessions a month.”
“No doctor, money is not important to me. I can afford it. My wife’s health is of paramount importance. Please make it weekly one session.”
The counselling began from the next week onwards. Progress was slow and tortuous. It was a couple of months before Meera slowly started talking and revealing her inner thoughts and struggles. When real progress seemed to be made Meera would relapse into depression and clamp up. It would again take a few sessions before she starts talking properly again. After about five months of this Dr. Arul called Saravanan to come and see him privately. It was to review Meera’s case and discuss further treatment.
“Come come sit down Saravanan,” Dr. Arul said as Saravanan walked into his consultation room.
“Good evening doctor. Tell me what is the progress in Meera’s case?”
“Quite a bit. I have at least come to understand the primary reasons for her depression and her mindset.”
Saravanan looked at Dr. Arul, eager to know if his wife was on the way to recovery.
“You know that your wife loves you very much. More so now after all that you have tolerated and gone through for her.”
“But she is still so withdrawn and doesn’t really talk to me except to answer I I ask something.”
“Saravanan, your wife thinks that she is unworthy of your love. Not only that she has no right to feel love for you as she is filled with so much of loathing for herself because of her betrayal.”
“She feels that only you have suffered because of Prabu and her actions. She feels very depressed and angry with herself that she still cannot show her love for you or share the marital bed with you.”
“I also suffer because of that isn’t it so doctor.”
“Yes, she is keenly aware of it and that is what that is making her despise herself. She actually feels she is, how to say it, hmm filth and the stench of that filth will latch on to you if she touches you. She just could not let that happen to you.”
“Do you know Saravanan the mind is so powerful, she is punishing herself so much so it is reflecting in how her health is affected. She feels you deserve happiness with a good woman as your wife. A woman who is worthy to love you and be loved by you and that can only happen if she was to die. For her she deserves nothing more in her life”
“Oh, god no doctor,” Saravanan was aghast.
“Yes, Saravanan she is practically willing herself to death so that you could start a new happy life.”
“Could she not think if she left with Prabu I could have gone on to a new life with another woman.”
“If that had happened would not the whole world know of her betrayal to you. She could not bear to think of the humiliation it would cause you.”
“Is that the only reason she stopped the affair with Prabu?”
“No no … she hates herself for having that affair. Remember when I told you now that she feels strongly depressed because she feels only you are suffering for their actions when you have done nothing wrong. She feels you have been dealt a great injustice. She wants not only herself to be punished but is also deeply upset that Prabu seemed to have escaped scot free in spite of being the primary reason for the mess in your lives. She wants him to suffer too. Only than will there be justice for you in her mind.”
“What is the point in that. It won’t change anything doctor.”
“That’s exactly a cause for her depression. You had not sought to punish her or Prabu in anyway though both of them deserve it. Your kindness hurts more than any punishment could.”
“So what should I do?? Start beating her.”
Dr. Arul saw the depressive humour in that as a smile appeared on his face.
“That’s not in your nature,” Dr. Arul said kindly.
“Not everyone who deserves to suffer actually do and some who don’t deserve to suffer will. Life is not always just though our sense of justice will like it to be so. I have to make her realise that Prabu suffering or not does not really matter.”
Dr. Arul suddenly stopped and asked Saravanan, “Is she very religious?”
“Yes, I think so. Why doctor?”
“Maybe I will have reinforce the idea that even if we escape judgement now there is a higher being that would make everyone suffer the consequence for their sins. Prabu would face judgement one day for his deeds.”
Dr. Arul looked at Saravanan and said, “Don’t worry I am happy that we have made this much progress at least. Let’s try to win the battle.”
“Tell me Saravanan, what about you. How are you truly keeping.”
“Why doctor, I’m fine. There is nothing wrong with me.”
Dr. Arul looked at him quizzically, “Really? Have you never felt anger, hate or anything else for either your wife or Prabu.”
Saravanan was uneasy at the doctor’s gaze. “Saravanan, it’s not wrong to feel those emotions. You are a human being made of bones flesh and blood. You don’t have always display a brave persona outside. Don’t bottle everything within yourself.”
Yes, he had moments of anger and hate for Prabu and even fleeting moments of anger at Meera but he always suppressed it. He had a stubborn nature that said he must always be strong as a rock and face any challenges life would throw at him.
“Saravanan, I am also concerned about you. Bottling everything up could have grave consequences when you least expect it too. Don’t think I’m trying to get more business,” the doctor laughed,” but I would like to have a few sessions with you.
Two days after this, Saravanan was at home watching TV. Meera sat a bit far from him also seemingly watching the TV but taking furtive glances at her husband. The children were away for tuition. There was a knock on the door. Saravanan turned and looked at the door. Before he could get up, Meera got up and went and opened the door. With a gasp she jerkily moved two three steps backward. Seeing this Saravanan got up and quickly walked to the door. He too was stunned. He now knew the reason for Meera’s reaction. Standing there was Prabu and Gomathi. Prabu was carrying their daughter who must be one plus years old by now.
The panic caused her to speak as she was often withdrawn and did not speak out on her own but would rather only respond to people talking to her. The exception to this were her children and sometimes, Saravanan.
“Where are we going? Why this hospital?” she asked.
“Don’t worry, we are seeing a new doctor. Our old doctor recommended we see him,” Saravanan said reassuringly.
“Actually, I don’t know why we should see a doctor, I’m alright.”
Talking to her soothingly they arrived at the reception. On asking for Dr. Arul they were directed to his treatment room on the 2nd floor of the Hospital. The receptionist for the doctor told them to wait as the doctor was currently with another patient. They were about 15 minutes early for their appointment. Saravanan could see that Meera was getting more and more nervous as she sat there waiting. Finally, a couple came out from the doctor’s room, having finished their consultation.
The nurse cum receptionist asked Saravanan and Meera to go in. Dr. Arul was a man who seemed to be in his mid to late forties. He had a kind face that would calm a patient talking to him. That was probably a plus point for the speciality he was in.
“Come in, Mr. Saravanan and Mrs. Meera,” he said greeting them warmly with a smile. “Dr. Ganesh (the specialist who treated Meera earlier) has briefed me about you. Please sit down.”
He then generally started asking some questions about their background, such as age, educational background, residence, profession etc. He had a soothing way of talking and Meera slowly started losing her panic. Dr. Arul then called in another nurse to take Meera to an attached room to this room. He asked her to take the measurement of Meera’s weight, height and pressure and to have Meera lie down in a bed for awhile while he spoke to Saravanan.
Once Meera had left reluctantly (she didn’t want to leave Saravanan’s side) with the nurse Dr. Arul turned his attention to Saravanan.
“Mr. Saravanan, can I just call you by name? I don’t want this to be too formal.”
“Sure doctor, no problem.”
“Good, good. Saravanan Dr. Ganesh told me about all the tests he had run through for your wife and his findings. Now I would really like you to tell me what problems or issues that has arisen leading to the situation now. I need to know everything.”
Dr. Arul could see the hesitation on Saravanan’s part. He well understood that. In his more than 20 years of experience in treating patients he knew how difficult it was for people to open up. He has practically seen it all and the hurt it causes the people to even talk about it again. It usually evokes painful memories. Matters like these were usually both very personal and sensitive. He had to be patient and he had to reassure the people who seek his help in resolving their issues.
“Saravanan, I know it is difficult for you to speak about what had happened but it is essential I know the situation clearly before I can help the both of you. I assure you that what you disclose here would strictly have doctor/patient confidentiality and it would not be revealed to anyone else, not even the nurses that work for me. They will only know the treatment/medicine I prescribe but no details of the patient’s history. That would strictly be in my personal confidential notes.”
Dr. Arul saw Saravanan relax a bit after he had spoken but he could still see Saravanan struggle to open up and disclose the matter. It must be a matter that was personally very embarrassing for him to reveal. He could guess what it could possibly be but he did not want to jump to conclusions and waited for Saravanan to talk.
“Saravanan, I can’t help if you don’t reveal what had caused a problem for your wife or for you for that matter.”
Saravanan took a deep breath. Apart from the brief moment when he had spoken to Prabu’s father when he (Prabu’s father) had stumbled upon Prabu having sex with his wife, he had not talked about this to any other person. He was aware it needed to be disclosed to Dr. Arul but by doing that it was going to reopen some very painful wounds. For the sake of his wife mental wellbeing he had no choice but to do so.
“Doctor it all started about three and a half years ago. That was when my old childhood friend called Prabu came back to our hometown from the gulf.”
Dr. Arul began to understand where the problem started and what the problem was likely to be. In his many years of experience, when it involved problems between a couple it was usually because of the intervention of a third party into the relationship. Most of the cases would be because of another woman disturbing the harmony of the conjugal relationship but instances of the involvement of another man was not completely uncommon.
He listened as he heard how Prabu slowly wormed his way into the household. How he soon began to make the visits frequent and then making visits to his house without his knowledge. Saravanan also revealed how his own family had lost everything and that it was through his own will and hard work that he had become a successful businessman. How that task still consumed his time and his strong need to look after his business and cement that success.
“When did you suspect that there was more going on between them than met the eyes.”
That’s when Saravanan told about how the pink jasmine flowers had sparked his suspicion. Dr. Arul was not surprised. Even though cheating couple would go to great lengths to maintain their deception there would always be some unexpected thing that would give them away. In this case strangely it was pink jasmine. Saravanan also told about the day he found Prabu’s bank passbook in his home and that Prabu had returned from Chennai and had gone straight to his home without even telling him of his return.
“When did you confirm that there was a sexual affair going on between your childhood friend and your wife?”
Saravanan told him about the time before Prabu’s sister marriage, the other time in his house two days after the marriage and the third time in the old temple hall. Saravanan also told him how the affair ended then because of Prabu’s father. Dr. Arul wanted to know why he Saravanan had not confronted his wife or his friend to stop the affair. He listened carefully as Saravanan revealed his fears and also the love and type of relationship between him and his wife before Prabu’s unwanted intrusion into their lives.
“That was more than three years ago, tell me if any other thing happened after that,” probed Dr. Arul.
Saravanan then told him about the events of around eight months ago. How only after that his wife’s health seemed to be getting bad to worse. How she had lost weight and even her look had become haggard, her natural beauty now not so much evident.
That day after the time Dr. Arul spent with him he had a counselling session privately with Meera. He told Saravanan that his wife may be unable to open up and talk to him if Saravanan was also there. Meera was very uncomfortable to be alone with the doctor and sought the solace of the presence of Saravanan with them. Saravanan had to reassure her that he was there just outside the room in the reception area. After the session Dr. Arul again spoke to Saravanan privately.
“Your wife has become deeply affected about what had happened in her life. I could hardly get her to talk but I expected this. There are ways we can slowly get the patient to open up but it will take time. I’m afraid this is not going to be easy.”
“What is wrong with her doctor. Can it be cured?”
“Well I need to have a few more counselling sessions before I can confidently come to definitive conclusion but I can more or less say she is suffering from MDD.”
“MDD? What’s that doctor?”
“MDD stands for Major Depressive Disorder or simply you can say depression.”
“Saravanan, people suffering from this usually have a few symptoms like low self-esteem, lack of interest in things, loss of appetite, mood swings etc.”
It struck a chord with Saravanan as he could recognize some of these in Meera.
“Can anything be done doctor, can you help her?”
“I will try. I will start her on some medicines straightaway. Tell me how is her sleep?”
Saravanan thought for a while. “Yes doctor I have seen her still awake if I happen to inadvertently wake up during the night.”
“I will start her on Alprazolam and on antidepressants serotonin. I will let you know on the dosage and frequency of administration of the medicines.”
What Dr. Arul did not tell Saravanan was in a small but significant percentage of patients it could lead to suicide. That was less than 10 % and there was no need to alarm Saravanan at this point.
“The best case scenario would be for me to see her once a week for counselling. I am afraid that would incur more cost to you not also mentioning the time. If finance is an issue we can keep it to 2 sessions a month.”
“No doctor, money is not important to me. I can afford it. My wife’s health is of paramount importance. Please make it weekly one session.”
The counselling began from the next week onwards. Progress was slow and tortuous. It was a couple of months before Meera slowly started talking and revealing her inner thoughts and struggles. When real progress seemed to be made Meera would relapse into depression and clamp up. It would again take a few sessions before she starts talking properly again. After about five months of this Dr. Arul called Saravanan to come and see him privately. It was to review Meera’s case and discuss further treatment.
“Come come sit down Saravanan,” Dr. Arul said as Saravanan walked into his consultation room.
“Good evening doctor. Tell me what is the progress in Meera’s case?”
“Quite a bit. I have at least come to understand the primary reasons for her depression and her mindset.”
Saravanan looked at Dr. Arul, eager to know if his wife was on the way to recovery.
“You know that your wife loves you very much. More so now after all that you have tolerated and gone through for her.”
“But she is still so withdrawn and doesn’t really talk to me except to answer I I ask something.”
“Saravanan, your wife thinks that she is unworthy of your love. Not only that she has no right to feel love for you as she is filled with so much of loathing for herself because of her betrayal.”
“She feels that only you have suffered because of Prabu and her actions. She feels very depressed and angry with herself that she still cannot show her love for you or share the marital bed with you.”
“I also suffer because of that isn’t it so doctor.”
“Yes, she is keenly aware of it and that is what that is making her despise herself. She actually feels she is, how to say it, hmm filth and the stench of that filth will latch on to you if she touches you. She just could not let that happen to you.”
“Do you know Saravanan the mind is so powerful, she is punishing herself so much so it is reflecting in how her health is affected. She feels you deserve happiness with a good woman as your wife. A woman who is worthy to love you and be loved by you and that can only happen if she was to die. For her she deserves nothing more in her life”
“Oh, god no doctor,” Saravanan was aghast.
“Yes, Saravanan she is practically willing herself to death so that you could start a new happy life.”
“Could she not think if she left with Prabu I could have gone on to a new life with another woman.”
“If that had happened would not the whole world know of her betrayal to you. She could not bear to think of the humiliation it would cause you.”
“Is that the only reason she stopped the affair with Prabu?”
“No no … she hates herself for having that affair. Remember when I told you now that she feels strongly depressed because she feels only you are suffering for their actions when you have done nothing wrong. She feels you have been dealt a great injustice. She wants not only herself to be punished but is also deeply upset that Prabu seemed to have escaped scot free in spite of being the primary reason for the mess in your lives. She wants him to suffer too. Only than will there be justice for you in her mind.”
“What is the point in that. It won’t change anything doctor.”
“That’s exactly a cause for her depression. You had not sought to punish her or Prabu in anyway though both of them deserve it. Your kindness hurts more than any punishment could.”
“So what should I do?? Start beating her.”
Dr. Arul saw the depressive humour in that as a smile appeared on his face.
“That’s not in your nature,” Dr. Arul said kindly.
“Not everyone who deserves to suffer actually do and some who don’t deserve to suffer will. Life is not always just though our sense of justice will like it to be so. I have to make her realise that Prabu suffering or not does not really matter.”
Dr. Arul suddenly stopped and asked Saravanan, “Is she very religious?”
“Yes, I think so. Why doctor?”
“Maybe I will have reinforce the idea that even if we escape judgement now there is a higher being that would make everyone suffer the consequence for their sins. Prabu would face judgement one day for his deeds.”
Dr. Arul looked at Saravanan and said, “Don’t worry I am happy that we have made this much progress at least. Let’s try to win the battle.”
“Tell me Saravanan, what about you. How are you truly keeping.”
“Why doctor, I’m fine. There is nothing wrong with me.”
Dr. Arul looked at him quizzically, “Really? Have you never felt anger, hate or anything else for either your wife or Prabu.”
Saravanan was uneasy at the doctor’s gaze. “Saravanan, it’s not wrong to feel those emotions. You are a human being made of bones flesh and blood. You don’t have always display a brave persona outside. Don’t bottle everything within yourself.”
Yes, he had moments of anger and hate for Prabu and even fleeting moments of anger at Meera but he always suppressed it. He had a stubborn nature that said he must always be strong as a rock and face any challenges life would throw at him.
“Saravanan, I am also concerned about you. Bottling everything up could have grave consequences when you least expect it too. Don’t think I’m trying to get more business,” the doctor laughed,” but I would like to have a few sessions with you.
Two days after this, Saravanan was at home watching TV. Meera sat a bit far from him also seemingly watching the TV but taking furtive glances at her husband. The children were away for tuition. There was a knock on the door. Saravanan turned and looked at the door. Before he could get up, Meera got up and went and opened the door. With a gasp she jerkily moved two three steps backward. Seeing this Saravanan got up and quickly walked to the door. He too was stunned. He now knew the reason for Meera’s reaction. Standing there was Prabu and Gomathi. Prabu was carrying their daughter who must be one plus years old by now.
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