Non-erotic Dawn at Midnight By Pinuram - {Completed}

[usaiha2]

I lay down on the bed looking at the face of my angel who was peacefully lying down beside me. The overhead fan was running at full speed trying hard to cool down the fire inside my soul. Few hours passed, I turned restlessly on the bed unable to close my eyes. I heard some footsteps. I looked at the doorway, the light of the other room was still on, which meant that he has not slept. I wanted to walk into his room and speak to him. I observed his silhouette standing behind the curtain. The bedroom was dark. I saw him moving the curtain aside and look into the room. I was about to get up and ask him but he went away and closed the door of his room.


I cursed him and myself “Why? What is keeping you so restrained?” I kept on turning on the bed for whole night. When I lost myself into slumber, I do not know.

#

I woke up on hearing the calling bell. I walked out of the room and looked at the closed door of his room. I felt to knock him, instead I thought “He is tired let me look at the door.” I opened the door to find his maid standing with queer look at her face.

She asked me---“Sirji is not at home?”

---“He is tired, he is sleeping.”

She gave a queer look as if she has seen a ghost, walked inside and finished her daily chores.

I walked in to the kitchen to prepare myself a cup of tea. My son was sleeping peacefully. I took my morning bath as usual and changed my dress. “If you are not asking anything then don’t expect me to speak. I will return to my life.”

After few hours, he woke up. He was abusing someone on the phone. I handed him a cup of tea, he took the cup from me and smiled and then again started abusing on the phone. From the words, I understood that something wrong has happened in his office. “Oh! My god, he has to goto office. No please god, don’t do this to me.” I begged at HIM with all my crave.

#

After he kept his phone I asked him---“What happened?”

He shook his head in dismay while sipping the tea---“This bullshit servers. Your flight is in the evening right? At what time?”

---“At seven but I have to reach there by five.”

---“Yeah I know. I will come back. I have to go.”

I screamed inside me “What? You have to go without hearing any word from my side. You have not asked a single query about ChotoMa and Babu. What type of person you are?”

My back was at the wall, I had nothing to lose. I chewed my words and threw them towards him---“I have to say something to you.”

He looked up startled with a sudden change in my voice---“What?”

I lost my words; I looked the other way to hide my pains “How to start? Where to start?”

I observed from the corner of my eyes that he was looking at the ceiling and banged his fist in the air in sheer dismay. He then stood up and said to me---“I have to goto office.” He walked towards the bathroom carrying his dress.

I wailed at him---“I have to say a lot, Abhimanyu. You have to hear me. Do not leave me like this. I am a widow, living a lonely life.” he had closed the door already.

#

He came out after bathing and went directly to his room to dress up. I sat on the chair stoned to death, writhing in pain. I looked at his face while he walked out, for a fraction of a second our eyes met. His eyes were red. He probably wept in the bathroom. I walked behind him to the bedroom. I stood at the door and watched him. He was dressed up and was looking at my Angel’s face. He stealthily wiped the corner of his eyes and bend down to kiss my Angel’s cheek. I could not control myself anymore. I sobbed out, the sound echoed softly in his ears. He got startled as if he was caught in some devious action. He gave a painful look at my sniveled contoured face and walked past me.

#

He picked up his bag and looked at me---“My car will come back after leaving me at my office. You can use it. My driver will be there. Take care of your son. Goodbye. Enjoy your life.”

“That’s what has evaded me, dear. I have no peace.” I bit my lower lips and stood there at the door, watching him ride away in his car.

“You both are stupid. You both are not fit to live in this world.” I kept lamenting to myself. I walked to the bedroom and lay down on the bed cuddling my son tightly across my chest. “I will stay alone. I will live for you my child.”

I felt disgusted and lost. I woke my son and packed my bags. I called Mr. Pannikar and asked him to meet me at the airport. I apologized to him that I was not feeling well so I would hand-over his papers at the airport. For the whole day, I was very much agitated on both of us. I kept on thinking, “What made him not to approach to me? Why he did not ask me anything? I can feel that he still preserves his disgust against his parents but even after meeting me why he kept quiet.”

#

I prepared the dinner for him and packed it in the refrigerator. I dusted his table and chair, arranged the books and papers on the table. I sat on the chair and gave a blank look at the walls. I smiled at my Angel, who was engrossed in playing and babbling in the new environment. I walked up into the bedroom, looked at the bed, to the walls, and gave a sniveled goodbye to all of them. I felt that I should write something.

#

I wrote on a piece of yellow sticker and put that on the refrigerator door,

“Good bye. I have prepared dinner at that is in the fridge. Hope that you will find peace in your life. Your parents are waiting for you, goto them. I am not the same person, what you are thinking. Try to look beyond and walk for a better future.”

#

I asked my son---“We should go home.”

He came running to me---“Askeem mountain, Mamma?”

I took a deep breath and smiled painfully at him---“No sweetheart, not to askeem mountain today. We will goto askeem mountain some other day. I am also dying to goto askeem mountain with someone, but see he is not even looking at me. He thinks that I am happy in my world. Yes I am happy with you. Is not it, honey?”

He babbled---“Aeroplane Mamma?”

I took him on my lap and called the driver to pack my luggage in the car.

---“Yes we are going to aeroplane, Abhi. Lets us go.”

#

I looked around the house and locked the door, with my sniveled eyes and walked out with my son. “You both were so near yet you were so far. What restrained you both?”

I cuddled my cub tightly across my chest “I may fail as a lover. But I will never fail as a mother. I am a mother now. Love with some past, is a closed chapter for me.”

#