12-02-2020, 02:25 PM
The night was darkening outside. The car turned towards some place, in some housing complex and stopped in front of a house. I looked outside to find out in vain, as what was the place.
He looked over his shoulder towards me and said---“We have reached.” He walked out of the car with Abhi on his lap.
“Not for a single time he has called my name. I am dying to hear my name from your lips, please.” I kept on telling to me. “You have not yet called him by his name, Paree.”
He pointed to the balcony of the first floor “That is my apartment, small abode of solace.” He handed me the keys and said, “Go, inside, I am coming.”
---“Where are you going?”
He laughed at me---“I live alone, I need to buy some groceries for dinner. I am not rich like you. I earn daily and buy my food daily.”
“Mocking at me.” I laughed at him “I don’t have a car.”
---“Don’t tell a lie.”
---“No I am serious”
---“Ok I believe you. Now go inside and change, I will come with few minutes. Do I need to buy something for you and your son?”
---“Milk and Nappies.”
He laughed at Abhi, rubbed his nose on his small nose---“Still pee during night.”
Abhi giggled at him, held his hair with his hand and pulled them hard.
They went away. The driver took out our baggage from the boot.
#
I opened the door and entered his apartment. I kept my left foot forward and felt ripples inside me. “My peaceful abode I always wanted to have.” I looked around the house. It was a two-room apartment. On one room, there was small bed. The beddings was scattered all over the bed. The bed-sheet was dirty. In the other room, there was a chair, a table, a refrigerator and a TV. I looked around the floor, all over the floor, the cigarettes buts were lying around. “So you have not stopped smoking. What is this Abhimanyu, you promised me once, have you forgotten.”
#
“Madam where shall I keep these bags” the driver asked me. I said to him to keep them in any room. I was busy in looking his abode of solace. “How can a person stay alone for last ten years? Why have not you found someone after you came to know that I was married?” “Paree, was you happy while you were married? No, for every single day, you hankered for him. Same happened to him also, Paree.”
I opened my bag, took out my evening gown, and went inside the bathroom. “Oh! No, what a hell.” The bathroom was also very dirty. I smiled at myself “You have not changed a bit, dear.”
#
I came out and walked into his kitchen to find something to cook. The sight of the sink made me sick. I tied a rubber band in my hair and pressed my nose. The utensils were rotting for last seven days probably. There was a stench smell coming out from the wastebasket. “You are really hopeless.” I started to clean the kitchen, as if I have reached my abode after a long absence and he has gone out with my son to buy groceries. I took out a plastic from one corner of the kitchen and put all the dirt’s in the plastic bag and walked to the balcony to keep there. I took out a broom from the corner of the kitchen and started dusting the floor, which was probably covered with few inches of dirt.
I was very happy while cleaning the kitchen as if I was in the seventh heaven. All my tiredness was gone. I was feeling rejuvenated as if elixir of vigor was flowing through my veins. I was humming my old favourite song “Eii jibon chilo nodir moton disha hara goti hara..….”
#
After finishing the kitchen I went inside his bedroom, rather say a dingy room. I laughed at myself while cleaning his bed “How come you can live here?” I brought my bags inside and unpacked few dressed of my son and daily need things I would have at night. As there was no dressing table in his apartment so, I had to keep my creams and combs on a chair nearby. I looked around the walls and observed that there was no calendar or wall clock or any wall hangings. The walls were bare and pale white coloured.
#
I went inside the room having the chair-table and refrigerator. The refrigerator was switched-off “So you have some brain that you switched-off the fridge before you went away?” I opened the fridge and found that a container of pulses was rotting inside. Few apples and bananas were kept all black and there was stench odour coming out. “You are terrible. You do not know how to live.”
#
I was engrossed in cleaning his room. I heard a knock on the door. “You rascals have returned at last.”
He stepped inside, handed me a bag full of groceries and looked around the house “Oh! This is definitely not my house.” He joked at me.
He put down Abhi from his lap. My son waved a bar of chocolate at me---“Mamma chocolate.”
---“Not this time, we have to take dinner sweetheart.”
I gave a mischievous smile at him and joked---“You have not changed a bit.”
He bowed down and showed his head---“See, few strands of hair has turned grey. Who told I have not changed. By the way, your son is very sweet.”
---“Hmm…. So are you. Go and change I will cook out something.”
He stood there while Abhi ran all around the room. He looked at me from toe to tip. I felt his gaze was melting each pores of my skin. I felt my heart melting by his lovelorn eyes. My face turned red and my cheeks blushed. I removed my strand of tress dangling on my right cheek with my index finger and almost yelled out “Please don’t give that look at me. I will melt down for sure.”
He apprehended my restiveness and walked towards the bathroom. He left me stranded melting away with his lovely eyes hovering on my face.
I took Abhi on my lap and asked, “What you did?” He was unable to understand the anxiety playing inside his mother’s soul.
“What is keeping you behind bars from talking to me?” “How can he talk, Paree, he knows that you are married and he is seeing you with your son.” “How can I speak up if he doesn’t ask about me?” “Wait Paree, wait. You have just met. He is also thinking the same. He will talk.” “What if he never talks to me about my past, about my present?” “Why are you being so skeptical Paree?” “What should I do?” “Enjoy the time you are with him.”
#
My string of query broke when I heard the bathroom door to open. He came out of the bathroom and asked me---“You were cooking something? I am dying.”
I smiled at him and joked---“You are always in a hurry.”
He took a deep breath and shook his head---“I was never in a hurry.”
His answer shook every tendril of my body. Goosebumps rose from every pore “You don’t know what happened to me. You never called home again.” I felt a hot gush of blood raced all over my face. My soul burnt with his burning words filled up with hidden pains.
#
He took my son from my lap and walked towards the bathroom “Come on, we have to be fresh.”
I clenched my jaws and walked in the kitchen to cook the meal. I stood silently looking at the burning blue flame of gas oven. Tears rolled down my cheeks “I wanted to wait, Abhimanyu. I was not allowed to. You are not a girl, so you will not understand my restrictions. You will blame me. At least before blaming me, you should ask me what made to traverse such coarse path. Why I had to squander off?”
#
Suddenly I felt as if he was standing behind me. I closed my eyes; I could hear my heartbeat even. “Are you going to touch me?” I almost died in anticipation, held my breath to long for his touch.
He whispered near my ears---“Pulses are boiling, where are you lost?” I felt his warm breath flowing on my bare nape and shoulder. I trembled in that light breeze.
“I am lost in you, can’t you see in my eyes, on my face? You stupid fellow.” I tried to yell at him. “Just ask me once that if I am happy or not? I want to tell you everything and even after that if you feel to evade me, I will never cross your path.”
I was afraid to turn and look into his eyes. I closed my eyes, bit my lower lips---“Go and sit at the table. I am coming with dinner.”
#
At the dining table, I expected him to speak up and ask me something. He was very quiet and I was busy feeding my son. The silence was killing us both; I could behold the pains dripping from his eyes while he was munching the dinner. I kept myself busy feeding Abhi.
All the silence and pain was burning inside my soul and I vented my ire on my little fawn “Come on eat quickly. I am tired, so are you.” I was losing my self-control. The silence was overwhelming. I screamed at my child “You are a real pain for me.” My son started crying.
He chewed his words and threw a ball of fire at me---“Why are you venting ire on that little soul?”
I looked at him with tearful eyes and burning face. Our eyes met for a fraction of second and I looked down to the plate. I fathomed that his gaze was fixated upon my face. Abhi ran away fro me towards him, crying. He outstretched his arms and took him on his lap
He asked him soothingly---“You don’t want to eat?”
My fawn nodded his head “No.”
He left the dinner table, unfinished plate---“Want to sleep with me?”
I lost my appetite. “Go away. Why you came back to my life if you are not going to ask me what happened to me?”
I yelled out at my son---“Come to bed.”
#
Abhi clasped his neck with all his strength and hid his face on his shoulder. His little back was throbbing with crest and troughs of juvenile anger. His mother vented on him.
He looked at me “I am sorry. I am really sorry. He will sleep. You can goto sleep.” He rubbed my son’s back “Come let’s have drive in your red car.”
My sons face was enlightened---“Red car?”
“Yes red car.” He gave a pleading look at me and asked me to sleep.
“I have lost my sleep long ago. I do not have peace of mind. I do not have a home to sleep. I am standing like a castaway, lost in oblivion.”
I observed with my sniveled eyes that my apple of my eye and my heart walked out of the door waving their hand at me. I wiped my tears and smiled at them, “You are in the lap where you should be.”
#
I walked into the bedroom and took out the diary from my laptop bag. Arranged all the torn pages and looked at them. I stared at those scribbles on the pages. I was unable to think of anything. I lay down with a dark void soul on the bed and wept alone.
#
Hours passed with tick of clock. I heard his footsteps and ran towards the door. He returned, with Abhi sleeping peacefully in his arms. He walked inside the bedroom and lay down my sleeping angel on the bed. I was observing how caring nature he has. “Do they share the resemblance of name or more than that?”
He turned towards me and said in a low voice---“Get some sleep. We will talk tomorrow.”
I smiled at him and nodded my head “Yes” same time I said to myself “I have lost my sleep.”
He walked out of the room.
#
He looked over his shoulder towards me and said---“We have reached.” He walked out of the car with Abhi on his lap.
“Not for a single time he has called my name. I am dying to hear my name from your lips, please.” I kept on telling to me. “You have not yet called him by his name, Paree.”
He pointed to the balcony of the first floor “That is my apartment, small abode of solace.” He handed me the keys and said, “Go, inside, I am coming.”
---“Where are you going?”
He laughed at me---“I live alone, I need to buy some groceries for dinner. I am not rich like you. I earn daily and buy my food daily.”
“Mocking at me.” I laughed at him “I don’t have a car.”
---“Don’t tell a lie.”
---“No I am serious”
---“Ok I believe you. Now go inside and change, I will come with few minutes. Do I need to buy something for you and your son?”
---“Milk and Nappies.”
He laughed at Abhi, rubbed his nose on his small nose---“Still pee during night.”
Abhi giggled at him, held his hair with his hand and pulled them hard.
They went away. The driver took out our baggage from the boot.
#
I opened the door and entered his apartment. I kept my left foot forward and felt ripples inside me. “My peaceful abode I always wanted to have.” I looked around the house. It was a two-room apartment. On one room, there was small bed. The beddings was scattered all over the bed. The bed-sheet was dirty. In the other room, there was a chair, a table, a refrigerator and a TV. I looked around the floor, all over the floor, the cigarettes buts were lying around. “So you have not stopped smoking. What is this Abhimanyu, you promised me once, have you forgotten.”
#
“Madam where shall I keep these bags” the driver asked me. I said to him to keep them in any room. I was busy in looking his abode of solace. “How can a person stay alone for last ten years? Why have not you found someone after you came to know that I was married?” “Paree, was you happy while you were married? No, for every single day, you hankered for him. Same happened to him also, Paree.”
I opened my bag, took out my evening gown, and went inside the bathroom. “Oh! No, what a hell.” The bathroom was also very dirty. I smiled at myself “You have not changed a bit, dear.”
#
I came out and walked into his kitchen to find something to cook. The sight of the sink made me sick. I tied a rubber band in my hair and pressed my nose. The utensils were rotting for last seven days probably. There was a stench smell coming out from the wastebasket. “You are really hopeless.” I started to clean the kitchen, as if I have reached my abode after a long absence and he has gone out with my son to buy groceries. I took out a plastic from one corner of the kitchen and put all the dirt’s in the plastic bag and walked to the balcony to keep there. I took out a broom from the corner of the kitchen and started dusting the floor, which was probably covered with few inches of dirt.
I was very happy while cleaning the kitchen as if I was in the seventh heaven. All my tiredness was gone. I was feeling rejuvenated as if elixir of vigor was flowing through my veins. I was humming my old favourite song “Eii jibon chilo nodir moton disha hara goti hara..….”
#
After finishing the kitchen I went inside his bedroom, rather say a dingy room. I laughed at myself while cleaning his bed “How come you can live here?” I brought my bags inside and unpacked few dressed of my son and daily need things I would have at night. As there was no dressing table in his apartment so, I had to keep my creams and combs on a chair nearby. I looked around the walls and observed that there was no calendar or wall clock or any wall hangings. The walls were bare and pale white coloured.
#
I went inside the room having the chair-table and refrigerator. The refrigerator was switched-off “So you have some brain that you switched-off the fridge before you went away?” I opened the fridge and found that a container of pulses was rotting inside. Few apples and bananas were kept all black and there was stench odour coming out. “You are terrible. You do not know how to live.”
#
I was engrossed in cleaning his room. I heard a knock on the door. “You rascals have returned at last.”
He stepped inside, handed me a bag full of groceries and looked around the house “Oh! This is definitely not my house.” He joked at me.
He put down Abhi from his lap. My son waved a bar of chocolate at me---“Mamma chocolate.”
---“Not this time, we have to take dinner sweetheart.”
I gave a mischievous smile at him and joked---“You have not changed a bit.”
He bowed down and showed his head---“See, few strands of hair has turned grey. Who told I have not changed. By the way, your son is very sweet.”
---“Hmm…. So are you. Go and change I will cook out something.”
He stood there while Abhi ran all around the room. He looked at me from toe to tip. I felt his gaze was melting each pores of my skin. I felt my heart melting by his lovelorn eyes. My face turned red and my cheeks blushed. I removed my strand of tress dangling on my right cheek with my index finger and almost yelled out “Please don’t give that look at me. I will melt down for sure.”
He apprehended my restiveness and walked towards the bathroom. He left me stranded melting away with his lovely eyes hovering on my face.
I took Abhi on my lap and asked, “What you did?” He was unable to understand the anxiety playing inside his mother’s soul.
“What is keeping you behind bars from talking to me?” “How can he talk, Paree, he knows that you are married and he is seeing you with your son.” “How can I speak up if he doesn’t ask about me?” “Wait Paree, wait. You have just met. He is also thinking the same. He will talk.” “What if he never talks to me about my past, about my present?” “Why are you being so skeptical Paree?” “What should I do?” “Enjoy the time you are with him.”
#
My string of query broke when I heard the bathroom door to open. He came out of the bathroom and asked me---“You were cooking something? I am dying.”
I smiled at him and joked---“You are always in a hurry.”
He took a deep breath and shook his head---“I was never in a hurry.”
His answer shook every tendril of my body. Goosebumps rose from every pore “You don’t know what happened to me. You never called home again.” I felt a hot gush of blood raced all over my face. My soul burnt with his burning words filled up with hidden pains.
#
He took my son from my lap and walked towards the bathroom “Come on, we have to be fresh.”
I clenched my jaws and walked in the kitchen to cook the meal. I stood silently looking at the burning blue flame of gas oven. Tears rolled down my cheeks “I wanted to wait, Abhimanyu. I was not allowed to. You are not a girl, so you will not understand my restrictions. You will blame me. At least before blaming me, you should ask me what made to traverse such coarse path. Why I had to squander off?”
#
Suddenly I felt as if he was standing behind me. I closed my eyes; I could hear my heartbeat even. “Are you going to touch me?” I almost died in anticipation, held my breath to long for his touch.
He whispered near my ears---“Pulses are boiling, where are you lost?” I felt his warm breath flowing on my bare nape and shoulder. I trembled in that light breeze.
“I am lost in you, can’t you see in my eyes, on my face? You stupid fellow.” I tried to yell at him. “Just ask me once that if I am happy or not? I want to tell you everything and even after that if you feel to evade me, I will never cross your path.”
I was afraid to turn and look into his eyes. I closed my eyes, bit my lower lips---“Go and sit at the table. I am coming with dinner.”
#
At the dining table, I expected him to speak up and ask me something. He was very quiet and I was busy feeding my son. The silence was killing us both; I could behold the pains dripping from his eyes while he was munching the dinner. I kept myself busy feeding Abhi.
All the silence and pain was burning inside my soul and I vented my ire on my little fawn “Come on eat quickly. I am tired, so are you.” I was losing my self-control. The silence was overwhelming. I screamed at my child “You are a real pain for me.” My son started crying.
He chewed his words and threw a ball of fire at me---“Why are you venting ire on that little soul?”
I looked at him with tearful eyes and burning face. Our eyes met for a fraction of second and I looked down to the plate. I fathomed that his gaze was fixated upon my face. Abhi ran away fro me towards him, crying. He outstretched his arms and took him on his lap
He asked him soothingly---“You don’t want to eat?”
My fawn nodded his head “No.”
He left the dinner table, unfinished plate---“Want to sleep with me?”
I lost my appetite. “Go away. Why you came back to my life if you are not going to ask me what happened to me?”
I yelled out at my son---“Come to bed.”
#
Abhi clasped his neck with all his strength and hid his face on his shoulder. His little back was throbbing with crest and troughs of juvenile anger. His mother vented on him.
He looked at me “I am sorry. I am really sorry. He will sleep. You can goto sleep.” He rubbed my son’s back “Come let’s have drive in your red car.”
My sons face was enlightened---“Red car?”
“Yes red car.” He gave a pleading look at me and asked me to sleep.
“I have lost my sleep long ago. I do not have peace of mind. I do not have a home to sleep. I am standing like a castaway, lost in oblivion.”
I observed with my sniveled eyes that my apple of my eye and my heart walked out of the door waving their hand at me. I wiped my tears and smiled at them, “You are in the lap where you should be.”
#
I walked into the bedroom and took out the diary from my laptop bag. Arranged all the torn pages and looked at them. I stared at those scribbles on the pages. I was unable to think of anything. I lay down with a dark void soul on the bed and wept alone.
#
Hours passed with tick of clock. I heard his footsteps and ran towards the door. He returned, with Abhi sleeping peacefully in his arms. He walked inside the bedroom and lay down my sleeping angel on the bed. I was observing how caring nature he has. “Do they share the resemblance of name or more than that?”
He turned towards me and said in a low voice---“Get some sleep. We will talk tomorrow.”
I smiled at him and nodded my head “Yes” same time I said to myself “I have lost my sleep.”
He walked out of the room.
#
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