12-02-2020, 01:28 PM
ChotoMa stayed back, I was caught in dilemma over her extended stay.
In the evening after everyone left, she sat in the drawing with her grandson in her lap.
She asked me---“I want you to come and stay with us.”
I smiled at her---“ChotoMa, you know everything. Every brick, every doors and windows, the room in second floor reminds his absence. I cannot go back, ChotoMa. Here I am contend with my life and my son. At least don’t take away my life now, please.”
---“I don’t want to lose you again. I have become very poor after losing everything I had. I thought that Abhi would call me after he returned to India but he never called.”
---“He never called me also. When he returned I was pregnant and I was someone’s wife. Therefore, he never contacted me.”
Tears and pain were flowing our bleeding hearts; both of us lost the most beloved person we had. One lost her son; another lost her heartthrob. Yet I restrained myself from returning to my house.
#
Months rolled on after that. I was engrossed totally in my work and house chores. Looking after Abhi, who was then started walking all around the house. My son completed his first year and few weeks later I completed thirty-third year on this mother earth. It was a lonely voyage of life for me after all. I knew that on the drop of my word I would find my relatives to throng around me, but I was skeptical about how long they would look after me and how long I could sustain in this cruel world alone.
#
It was hard for a single woman to live in a male chauvinistic society. I could feel lewd eyes hovering over me all the time. The neighborhood knew that I lived alone with my baby. Although I kept to myself, still I felt some of the neighbours to shower unwanted praises and help to get closer to me. I used to dress very simple mostly in saree and seldom in salwars. My cupboard was filled up with sarees and salwars only.
#
One day Dr. Sarkar said to me---“Suchismita, you need to grace yourself up. Come out of your past and show the world who you can be.”
I was unable to fathom as what he meant to say---“What do you mean Sir?”
---“Change your attire, grace yourself elegantly and powerfully. You will find a new lease of life flowing in your veins. Those unwanted piercing eyes won’t haunt you anymore.”
I was surprised to hear him say those---“But Sir how do you know?”
---“Remember I told you that I miss my grandson.”
---“Yes sir, I remember. Your daughter lives in States.”
---“She is divorcee and she knows how to take care of herself. As a father, I know the pain of a single daughter who is having a child. So be like a lioness and fight the world. May be next year you have to travel abroad for giving lecture or attend some convention. Do you think you will go in salwars and saree?”
On hearing his words, I felt as if someone is blowing courage in my soul.
#
I took out the diamond ring that Sumanto Da presented me and wear that on my ring finger so as to deceive the lewd piercing eyes that I was married. I trimmed my long hair, which he fascinated most, to my shoulder length. I started to work out to shape myself up. I changed my dressing sense to more elegant sarees and suits instead of salwars. I lost few pounds.
#
After few months, I felt that I was having problem with my vision and I went for check up. I got specs and my whole personality started to change day by day. Every morning, I looked myself in the mirror; I observed a new woman was coming out.
#
One night after dinner, I was feeding Abhi. The new moon was hanging on the deep blue curtain overhead. The crescent peeped behind the trees of the park in front of my apartment. Suddenly he pointed out to the crescent and said his first meaningful word---“Tola (Banana….)”
I was very much surprised to hear banana from his rosy lips.
I asked him---“Where is the banana?”
He babbled again---“Banana….”
I looked to the crescent, yes, he was true, and the crescent looked like a silver banana hanging from the Prussian curtain of night sky. Stars were twinkling around the crescent. His sweet word felt music to my ears. I smiled at him and my eyes went hazy in affection.
---“You want that?”
He gently nodded his head while munching rice.
I rubbed his nose over mine---“Mamma will bring you the moon someday.”
#
In the evening after everyone left, she sat in the drawing with her grandson in her lap.
She asked me---“I want you to come and stay with us.”
I smiled at her---“ChotoMa, you know everything. Every brick, every doors and windows, the room in second floor reminds his absence. I cannot go back, ChotoMa. Here I am contend with my life and my son. At least don’t take away my life now, please.”
---“I don’t want to lose you again. I have become very poor after losing everything I had. I thought that Abhi would call me after he returned to India but he never called.”
---“He never called me also. When he returned I was pregnant and I was someone’s wife. Therefore, he never contacted me.”
Tears and pain were flowing our bleeding hearts; both of us lost the most beloved person we had. One lost her son; another lost her heartthrob. Yet I restrained myself from returning to my house.
#
Months rolled on after that. I was engrossed totally in my work and house chores. Looking after Abhi, who was then started walking all around the house. My son completed his first year and few weeks later I completed thirty-third year on this mother earth. It was a lonely voyage of life for me after all. I knew that on the drop of my word I would find my relatives to throng around me, but I was skeptical about how long they would look after me and how long I could sustain in this cruel world alone.
#
It was hard for a single woman to live in a male chauvinistic society. I could feel lewd eyes hovering over me all the time. The neighborhood knew that I lived alone with my baby. Although I kept to myself, still I felt some of the neighbours to shower unwanted praises and help to get closer to me. I used to dress very simple mostly in saree and seldom in salwars. My cupboard was filled up with sarees and salwars only.
#
One day Dr. Sarkar said to me---“Suchismita, you need to grace yourself up. Come out of your past and show the world who you can be.”
I was unable to fathom as what he meant to say---“What do you mean Sir?”
---“Change your attire, grace yourself elegantly and powerfully. You will find a new lease of life flowing in your veins. Those unwanted piercing eyes won’t haunt you anymore.”
I was surprised to hear him say those---“But Sir how do you know?”
---“Remember I told you that I miss my grandson.”
---“Yes sir, I remember. Your daughter lives in States.”
---“She is divorcee and she knows how to take care of herself. As a father, I know the pain of a single daughter who is having a child. So be like a lioness and fight the world. May be next year you have to travel abroad for giving lecture or attend some convention. Do you think you will go in salwars and saree?”
On hearing his words, I felt as if someone is blowing courage in my soul.
#
I took out the diamond ring that Sumanto Da presented me and wear that on my ring finger so as to deceive the lewd piercing eyes that I was married. I trimmed my long hair, which he fascinated most, to my shoulder length. I started to work out to shape myself up. I changed my dressing sense to more elegant sarees and suits instead of salwars. I lost few pounds.
#
After few months, I felt that I was having problem with my vision and I went for check up. I got specs and my whole personality started to change day by day. Every morning, I looked myself in the mirror; I observed a new woman was coming out.
#
One night after dinner, I was feeding Abhi. The new moon was hanging on the deep blue curtain overhead. The crescent peeped behind the trees of the park in front of my apartment. Suddenly he pointed out to the crescent and said his first meaningful word---“Tola (Banana….)”
I was very much surprised to hear banana from his rosy lips.
I asked him---“Where is the banana?”
He babbled again---“Banana….”
I looked to the crescent, yes, he was true, and the crescent looked like a silver banana hanging from the Prussian curtain of night sky. Stars were twinkling around the crescent. His sweet word felt music to my ears. I smiled at him and my eyes went hazy in affection.
---“You want that?”
He gently nodded his head while munching rice.
I rubbed his nose over mine---“Mamma will bring you the moon someday.”
#
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