12-02-2020, 01:15 PM
#
Months passed by. With each passing day, my fawn was growing inside me. I felt those sweet ripples and turns. I felt those small kicks on the inner walls of my womb. I felt my life was coming to a full circle as a mother, but somehow that circle was not complete as a woman. There was a gap, because I lost my love, my heart. During USG, I was shown the heartbeat of my tiny fawn. I cried when I saw that tiny beating heart inside me. The three-d report even showed the face of my little angel. I was very happy and I was in tears on seeing those closed eyes, tiny nose and little fingers.
#
Once I asked my doctor---“My son or daughter?”
She smiled at me and asked---“Few months are left; all queries will be answered, dear.”
I had to confront the toughest question of my life then.
---“What name would you want on the birth certificate?”
I paused for a little and looked at Maithili. She use to accompany me with every time visited the doctor.
She answered---“Miss Suchismita Mondal.” and smiled at me “Father’s name, Late Himadri Karmakar.”
Tears brewed in my eyes in expression of gratitude, my lips quivered on the thought “How easily she understands my pains.”
My doctor said to us---“It will be a tough world out there, Suchismita.”
My full womb made me audacious and I gave a doughty look at her---“I have that with me, doctor. Time has made me so. I can take care of my own.”
Maithili nudged me and said---“Why are you talking like that? We are here to take care of you.”
#
While returning to home, I said to Maithili that she and my brothers have their own family to take care. They cannot take care of my child, lifelong and me. I had to leave them someday. I expressed my desire to move out and do some job.
She shook her head in dismay and said---“If you ever set foot out of the house, then I won’t talk to you again.”
I smiled painfully at her---“Churni, you will see. Someday you will feel to get rid of me. I will be a burden to you.”
She screamed at me with hazy eyes---“NO… that day will never come.”
I took her hand in mine and soothed her---“Churni, you are sweet but time has made me to look beyond and foresee.”
She kept mum, spoke nothing except clinging little Titli to her lap. I smiled at Titli who was smiling at me sweetly.
#
Few months before my expected delivery date, both of my sister-in-laws offered my ‘sadhh’. It was age old tradition for Bengalis to give the expected mothers whatever they desired. In old days, the mortality rates for the mothers were quiet high so the tradition followed.
Maithili asked me---“What do you want as a present.”
---“I don’t want any present from you. You are the greatest present God has sent for me.”
She stroked my chin and said---“I am repenting and trying to make up what I said to Abhimanyu.”
I tried to pacify her---“It was not you, who separated us, Churni.”
She looked at me with hazy eyes---“But it was my words and he cursed me.”
#
My gynecologist studied my reports and advised me to stitch the opening of my womb in first week of June, so that the miscarriage could be averted. I felt false pains from the beginning of July. On the second week of July, my doctor advised me to be admitted to hospital. She advised me to have caesarian baby instead of going with normal one. Maithili and Meghna Boudi also advised me to go for the same.
#
I was admitted to hospital. The stork visited at my place on the second week of July 2008. On the day, I was very frightened. My heart was beating very fast inside my chest. I was taken into the labour-room. The nurse prepared me to take me to the operation theatre. I was given anesthesia injection on my spine. The nurse showed me the genitals of my cub, I had no energy left to yet I felt crying in happiness.
My doctor soothed my forehead and said to me in her gentle voice---“Now happy, Suchismita. You have given birth to a beautiful son. Congratulation. What are you going to name him?”
That moment was the happiest moment of my life. I closed my eyes and said to my doctor---“Abhimanyu.”
My fawn, I wanted to treasure him like a pearl bead on a lotus leaf and the name I wanted to keep close to my heart. The name I do not want to separate from me, in my lifetime. I knew that it would probably raise some eyebrows.
I was shifted to the room. The nurse brought my sweet Abhi, wrapped in a flannel and placed on my lap.
For the first time in four years, I saw Delisha and Danish.
Maithili took Abhi on her lap and asked me---“So who is going to name him?”
My voice was weak, I whispered---“I have named him, Abhimanyu.”
She gave a queer look at me along with all others present in the room.
I gently nodded my head---“Yes, his name in Abhimanyu Mondal.” I took a deep breath and looked at my son’s face “I don’t want to let that name away from me.”
She placed Abhi beside me. He looked at me with his tiny squint eyes and yawned at me. I rubbed his tiny nose with mine.
I sobbed at him and made a promise to him---“I will grace you with every speck love I have, both father and mother, Abhimanyu.”
#
Each time I called his name, I felt a new lease of life within me. His name and my baby’s smile empowered a new vista in me.
______________________________
Months passed by. With each passing day, my fawn was growing inside me. I felt those sweet ripples and turns. I felt those small kicks on the inner walls of my womb. I felt my life was coming to a full circle as a mother, but somehow that circle was not complete as a woman. There was a gap, because I lost my love, my heart. During USG, I was shown the heartbeat of my tiny fawn. I cried when I saw that tiny beating heart inside me. The three-d report even showed the face of my little angel. I was very happy and I was in tears on seeing those closed eyes, tiny nose and little fingers.
#
Once I asked my doctor---“My son or daughter?”
She smiled at me and asked---“Few months are left; all queries will be answered, dear.”
I had to confront the toughest question of my life then.
---“What name would you want on the birth certificate?”
I paused for a little and looked at Maithili. She use to accompany me with every time visited the doctor.
She answered---“Miss Suchismita Mondal.” and smiled at me “Father’s name, Late Himadri Karmakar.”
Tears brewed in my eyes in expression of gratitude, my lips quivered on the thought “How easily she understands my pains.”
My doctor said to us---“It will be a tough world out there, Suchismita.”
My full womb made me audacious and I gave a doughty look at her---“I have that with me, doctor. Time has made me so. I can take care of my own.”
Maithili nudged me and said---“Why are you talking like that? We are here to take care of you.”
#
While returning to home, I said to Maithili that she and my brothers have their own family to take care. They cannot take care of my child, lifelong and me. I had to leave them someday. I expressed my desire to move out and do some job.
She shook her head in dismay and said---“If you ever set foot out of the house, then I won’t talk to you again.”
I smiled painfully at her---“Churni, you will see. Someday you will feel to get rid of me. I will be a burden to you.”
She screamed at me with hazy eyes---“NO… that day will never come.”
I took her hand in mine and soothed her---“Churni, you are sweet but time has made me to look beyond and foresee.”
She kept mum, spoke nothing except clinging little Titli to her lap. I smiled at Titli who was smiling at me sweetly.
#
Few months before my expected delivery date, both of my sister-in-laws offered my ‘sadhh’. It was age old tradition for Bengalis to give the expected mothers whatever they desired. In old days, the mortality rates for the mothers were quiet high so the tradition followed.
Maithili asked me---“What do you want as a present.”
---“I don’t want any present from you. You are the greatest present God has sent for me.”
She stroked my chin and said---“I am repenting and trying to make up what I said to Abhimanyu.”
I tried to pacify her---“It was not you, who separated us, Churni.”
She looked at me with hazy eyes---“But it was my words and he cursed me.”
#
My gynecologist studied my reports and advised me to stitch the opening of my womb in first week of June, so that the miscarriage could be averted. I felt false pains from the beginning of July. On the second week of July, my doctor advised me to be admitted to hospital. She advised me to have caesarian baby instead of going with normal one. Maithili and Meghna Boudi also advised me to go for the same.
#
I was admitted to hospital. The stork visited at my place on the second week of July 2008. On the day, I was very frightened. My heart was beating very fast inside my chest. I was taken into the labour-room. The nurse prepared me to take me to the operation theatre. I was given anesthesia injection on my spine. The nurse showed me the genitals of my cub, I had no energy left to yet I felt crying in happiness.
My doctor soothed my forehead and said to me in her gentle voice---“Now happy, Suchismita. You have given birth to a beautiful son. Congratulation. What are you going to name him?”
That moment was the happiest moment of my life. I closed my eyes and said to my doctor---“Abhimanyu.”
My fawn, I wanted to treasure him like a pearl bead on a lotus leaf and the name I wanted to keep close to my heart. The name I do not want to separate from me, in my lifetime. I knew that it would probably raise some eyebrows.
I was shifted to the room. The nurse brought my sweet Abhi, wrapped in a flannel and placed on my lap.
For the first time in four years, I saw Delisha and Danish.
Maithili took Abhi on her lap and asked me---“So who is going to name him?”
My voice was weak, I whispered---“I have named him, Abhimanyu.”
She gave a queer look at me along with all others present in the room.
I gently nodded my head---“Yes, his name in Abhimanyu Mondal.” I took a deep breath and looked at my son’s face “I don’t want to let that name away from me.”
She placed Abhi beside me. He looked at me with his tiny squint eyes and yawned at me. I rubbed his tiny nose with mine.
I sobbed at him and made a promise to him---“I will grace you with every speck love I have, both father and mother, Abhimanyu.”
#
Each time I called his name, I felt a new lease of life within me. His name and my baby’s smile empowered a new vista in me.
______________________________
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