12-02-2020, 12:55 PM
In the mean time, Niladri said to me that at Pallavi’s parents was searching for a groom for Pallavi’s marriage.
My bitter past came in front of me and I stood helpless, unable to help those two lovebirds. I gathered all my strength one day and spoke to my mother-in-law.
She was shocked rather being a happy.
---“But, your father-in-law won’t allow any non-Bengali girl to be his daughter-in-law. You know that Suchi. You even know that, what happened when you wanted to do the job. We had bitter argument due to that. I don’t think this time your father-in-law will allow.”
I pleaded to her---“Just talk to him once. Please, not for my sake, but for your son.”
She assured me that she would speak to her husband and the way she gave a helpless look at me, I apprehended that those pleas would go in vain.
I told Niladri that I spoke to his mother about him.
---“What did mom said?”
---“Your mom said that she would talk to your father, but I can foresee that there will be bitter argument in our family. My life would be hell, Niladri. I am too tired Niladri to handle all these.”
---“Don’t think of that, Boudi. There is no confusion between us, so why do we need to take tension? Now you see what I can do.”
His abrupt gesture took me by surprise---“Don’t try to do anything stupid, Niladri.”
---“Himadri, is not going to help you or me. Right. So I have to take actions.”
I pleaded to him---“Please, Niladri, please do not do anything stupid which will affect me negatively.”
---“Ok, Boudi, but if I can’t marry Pallavi, then I will bring everything down.”
#
I felt disgusted upon myself, as someone was choking my throat and I was gasping for breath. I tried hard to fend off those invisible hands from my throat by I was so weak that I was unable to free myself from those strong clutch.
Maithili used to call every other day asking me to come back to my native place. On the other hand I also felt that, she had to take care of her cute doll, Nilanjana. I tried to persuade her that she was harbouring unnecessary tensions.
The winter passed by. With each passing day, I sensed the forgotten pulse inside me. That sweet ripples, although I knew that those ripples were my imagination but I felt those ripples inside my womb. It kept me alive. In all those turmoil and tension, I forgot about my “invisible letter”. I forgot that he was there standing in front of me with a sleek smile on his lips.
That eventful day was in second week of February. I was in the bathroom, when I felt nauseated. My arms showed goose bumps and I felt a chill ran down my spine. I held the basin to support myself and all of a sudden, I heard a knock on the door. It was Pallavi; her voice was tense. She gave me a remorseful look. Tears were running down her cheeks, I was inundated in utter grief on seeing that look on her face.
I was shocked to behold that look---“What happened?”
I heard wails of my mother-in-law. I heard hushed voice coming from the drawing room.
I screamed at her---“Tell me what happened.”
She was quiet, held my hand, and asked me to come to the drawing room. As I entered the drawing room, all the eyes were fixated in me. I gave a bewildered look to my mom-in-law. She nodded her head and broke in tears on clasping me.
An unknown qualm engulfed me. A voice inside my brain spoke to me that some mishap happened with my husband. I tried to ignore that trembling voice and gave a frightful look at Pallavi. Everyone was in tears saying nothing to me. My heart started to pound hard inside my chest. I could not keep my cool and screamed at Pallavi.
She asked me to sit and then she spoke---“Himadri Dada is no more.”
I looked deeply in her tearful eyes. She gently nodded her head “Whatever I she was saying was true.”
My heart did not trembled much after hearing that news. I closed my eyes, a few drops tickled down my eyes. There was less of pain and remorse in heart that time. It was filled more with helpless as to whom to fight.
I asked her in a very calm voice---“How that happened?”
In a shaky voice she told me---“He met an accident while he was returning from his office. The car was hit my truck and it is all mangled.”
I grinded my jaws and vented fire in my heart, but I gave a painful look instead, hiding my emotions of angst deep inside me. I veiled my anger with tears and penance look smeared on my face.
His battered body was brought at night, wrapped in white cloth. All my relatives were informed. My mother-in-law and other women slowly took out the iron-bangle from my wrist. I did not object or cried like insane. Few people fathomed that I has in choked in pain to shed my tears properly.
He was taken out of the house for the last time. I let out a final wail and a deep breath from my chest.
I was left in lurch about my future. I saw darkness creeping in front of me. I felt that there was no dawn going to come in my life. I felt that, I was going down in the quicksand of life. I tried hard to held any twig for life, gasped hard for breathe but I was drowning in an infinite black hole.
I sat silently in my room, surrounded with lamenting relatives. They were trying to console me for my loss; however, those words were not reaching my brain. I was only thinking about my future and my unborn angel that time. I had no time to lament for that person brought hell to my life. Niladri returned in the morning after cremating his only brother and he came directly in my room. His face was pale and was crippled with attrition. He looked at me, wanted to say something to me but he kept quiet.
That look made me to slap him hard and I screamed at him---“What you did?”
He held me in his arms and said---“Believe me, it was not me. It was accident, Boudi.”
---“You want me to believe? A lonely road, a truck collides with a car.”
He held me tightly in his arms and tried to persuade me---“Believe me, it was a freaking accident.”
I shook my head---“Just go away from my sight, Niladri. All those persons whom I touch, goes away. I am an ill-fated person, Niladri. See, what happened to your brother. The only path that is left for me is to take my own life.”
---“No Boudi, you will not do anything of that stupid. You have a life attached with you Boudi. He has done nothing.”
#
I asked him to leave me alone; I wanted to make out about my bleak future, which was filled up only with boulders and sharp stones. My heart bleeds, not for that loss but for myself. I tried hard to waive-off my pains and grief. My last miscarriage was due also filled up with my ill fate. At that time, I received the invisible letter, which made me writhe in pain. That time I could not control myself, because it was my heartthrob’s face that came in front of my gaze. I did not want to loose my newborn sapling so I tried to gather all strength left in my bleeding heart to overcome the loss and pain.
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pg 02
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My bitter past came in front of me and I stood helpless, unable to help those two lovebirds. I gathered all my strength one day and spoke to my mother-in-law.
She was shocked rather being a happy.
---“But, your father-in-law won’t allow any non-Bengali girl to be his daughter-in-law. You know that Suchi. You even know that, what happened when you wanted to do the job. We had bitter argument due to that. I don’t think this time your father-in-law will allow.”
I pleaded to her---“Just talk to him once. Please, not for my sake, but for your son.”
She assured me that she would speak to her husband and the way she gave a helpless look at me, I apprehended that those pleas would go in vain.
I told Niladri that I spoke to his mother about him.
---“What did mom said?”
---“Your mom said that she would talk to your father, but I can foresee that there will be bitter argument in our family. My life would be hell, Niladri. I am too tired Niladri to handle all these.”
---“Don’t think of that, Boudi. There is no confusion between us, so why do we need to take tension? Now you see what I can do.”
His abrupt gesture took me by surprise---“Don’t try to do anything stupid, Niladri.”
---“Himadri, is not going to help you or me. Right. So I have to take actions.”
I pleaded to him---“Please, Niladri, please do not do anything stupid which will affect me negatively.”
---“Ok, Boudi, but if I can’t marry Pallavi, then I will bring everything down.”
#
I felt disgusted upon myself, as someone was choking my throat and I was gasping for breath. I tried hard to fend off those invisible hands from my throat by I was so weak that I was unable to free myself from those strong clutch.
Maithili used to call every other day asking me to come back to my native place. On the other hand I also felt that, she had to take care of her cute doll, Nilanjana. I tried to persuade her that she was harbouring unnecessary tensions.
The winter passed by. With each passing day, I sensed the forgotten pulse inside me. That sweet ripples, although I knew that those ripples were my imagination but I felt those ripples inside my womb. It kept me alive. In all those turmoil and tension, I forgot about my “invisible letter”. I forgot that he was there standing in front of me with a sleek smile on his lips.
That eventful day was in second week of February. I was in the bathroom, when I felt nauseated. My arms showed goose bumps and I felt a chill ran down my spine. I held the basin to support myself and all of a sudden, I heard a knock on the door. It was Pallavi; her voice was tense. She gave me a remorseful look. Tears were running down her cheeks, I was inundated in utter grief on seeing that look on her face.
I was shocked to behold that look---“What happened?”
I heard wails of my mother-in-law. I heard hushed voice coming from the drawing room.
I screamed at her---“Tell me what happened.”
She was quiet, held my hand, and asked me to come to the drawing room. As I entered the drawing room, all the eyes were fixated in me. I gave a bewildered look to my mom-in-law. She nodded her head and broke in tears on clasping me.
An unknown qualm engulfed me. A voice inside my brain spoke to me that some mishap happened with my husband. I tried to ignore that trembling voice and gave a frightful look at Pallavi. Everyone was in tears saying nothing to me. My heart started to pound hard inside my chest. I could not keep my cool and screamed at Pallavi.
She asked me to sit and then she spoke---“Himadri Dada is no more.”
I looked deeply in her tearful eyes. She gently nodded her head “Whatever I she was saying was true.”
My heart did not trembled much after hearing that news. I closed my eyes, a few drops tickled down my eyes. There was less of pain and remorse in heart that time. It was filled more with helpless as to whom to fight.
I asked her in a very calm voice---“How that happened?”
In a shaky voice she told me---“He met an accident while he was returning from his office. The car was hit my truck and it is all mangled.”
I grinded my jaws and vented fire in my heart, but I gave a painful look instead, hiding my emotions of angst deep inside me. I veiled my anger with tears and penance look smeared on my face.
His battered body was brought at night, wrapped in white cloth. All my relatives were informed. My mother-in-law and other women slowly took out the iron-bangle from my wrist. I did not object or cried like insane. Few people fathomed that I has in choked in pain to shed my tears properly.
He was taken out of the house for the last time. I let out a final wail and a deep breath from my chest.
I was left in lurch about my future. I saw darkness creeping in front of me. I felt that there was no dawn going to come in my life. I felt that, I was going down in the quicksand of life. I tried hard to held any twig for life, gasped hard for breathe but I was drowning in an infinite black hole.
I sat silently in my room, surrounded with lamenting relatives. They were trying to console me for my loss; however, those words were not reaching my brain. I was only thinking about my future and my unborn angel that time. I had no time to lament for that person brought hell to my life. Niladri returned in the morning after cremating his only brother and he came directly in my room. His face was pale and was crippled with attrition. He looked at me, wanted to say something to me but he kept quiet.
That look made me to slap him hard and I screamed at him---“What you did?”
He held me in his arms and said---“Believe me, it was not me. It was accident, Boudi.”
---“You want me to believe? A lonely road, a truck collides with a car.”
He held me tightly in his arms and tried to persuade me---“Believe me, it was a freaking accident.”
I shook my head---“Just go away from my sight, Niladri. All those persons whom I touch, goes away. I am an ill-fated person, Niladri. See, what happened to your brother. The only path that is left for me is to take my own life.”
---“No Boudi, you will not do anything of that stupid. You have a life attached with you Boudi. He has done nothing.”
#
I asked him to leave me alone; I wanted to make out about my bleak future, which was filled up only with boulders and sharp stones. My heart bleeds, not for that loss but for myself. I tried hard to waive-off my pains and grief. My last miscarriage was due also filled up with my ill fate. At that time, I received the invisible letter, which made me writhe in pain. That time I could not control myself, because it was my heartthrob’s face that came in front of my gaze. I did not want to loose my newborn sapling so I tried to gather all strength left in my bleeding heart to overcome the loss and pain.
______________________________
pg 02
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