12-02-2020, 11:43 AM
Meghna Boudi and all others were happy to see me. Maithili was very weak and she was virtually bedridden. On seeing me, she smiled at me. It was her last week before her expected date of childbirth.
I gently rubbed her forehead. I held her head on across my bosom---“Nothing will happen to you, till I am here.”
She sobbed in my warm embrace---“Promise me one thing Paree?”
I knew what she would ask from me yet I nodded my head.
Her weak frame trembled; voice choked my ears---“Look after my child if something happens to me.”
Her words made my eyes hazy; I pressed my lips on her head. I cried out softly---“Churni, nothing is going to happen to you.”
---“I want to say something to you before I goto hospital.”
I pressed my fingers on her quivering lips---“I will hear those words once you come back with your child.” My heart was bleeding with pain and tears flooded my cheeks and soaked her forehead.
I wiped my tears and asked Subroto Da---“What the gynecologists are saying?”
---“The last USG report suggests that the umbilical cord is wrapped around the neck of the baby and more grave is that the placenta is inverted. The operation would be somewhat critical.”
I looked at Maithili; she gave a painful smile at me. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes.
#
She was admitted to hospital on the first week of October. She was experiencing her birth pangs. To my sheer surprise, I found Arunima to be also present. I gave a courtesy smiled at her. We met for the first time in last eight years. She felt bit awkward and tried to avoid me.
Maithili was taken to the operation theater; we sat outside, dipped in tension. I continuously wiped my eyes, clenched my fist to my bosom, and prayed to God all the time. A series of huge turbulent waves were sweeping across my chest and flooding my bosom.
#
Those five hours, waiting outside the operation theatre seemed to be endless. Subroto Da was loitering all along the corridor, anxiously waiting for news. He was very nervous, so was I.
#
At last, the nurse came out and called the name of Subroto Da, I ran to her. My eyes flooded as I saw a little baby wrapped in a white flannel in her arms. I took that child in my arms and gently placed my lips on its forehead. Few drops of tears soaked her tiny forehead. It was a baby girl. After sometime, the doctor came out and said that the caesarian was a successful one. I asked the doctor as when could we see Maithili. They said that she was still unconscious. Lots of blood had been drained, but she was out of danger.
In the evening, Maithili regained her consciousness; I sat by her side all the time. Baby was in the nursery under blue light. She was sleeping as if a beautiful pearl flooded in the blue moon light.
I smiled at Maithili and kissed her forehead. My eyes were glistening on seeing a faint smile on her lips---“My sweet Churni. You are ok.”
Subroto Da came and sat beside her on the bed. He gently rubbed his palm over her head---“Get well soon, your daughter is waiting.”
#
After few days, Maithili returned along with her baby. I was in a pure ecstasy. The life of my sweet sister-in-law was completed in a full-circle. She was a good wife, good daughter and then a good mother. The sight of Maithili’s beautiful face made me writhe in pain. I have failed myself in all the fronts of my life. At times, when I was alone in my room, I used to feel the pain of void and emptiness in my womb. The soft ripples have not died even after three years. The huge void of frustration and inadequacy again engulfed me. I tried to pull myself out from my miseries.
##
One evening I was singing lullaby with the baby in my arms, Maithili asked me---“Have you searched for any names for your niece?”
I looked at her and said---“Why should I name her?”
Subroto Da and Maithili named their baby Nilanjana.
#
.
One evening, I sat beside her with baby on my lap. I was looking at the face of the baby, my chest was having soft ripples of love and pain both at same time.
She perceived my hidden pain from my eyes---“Life is not yet finished, Paree.” She nudged my shoulders gently---“Every cloud has got a silver lining.”
On hearing those words from her lips, I gently shook my head---“Churni that is a failed dream that you are trying to contemplate. I have lost everything.” The only thought that was gnawing my soul was “I have lost Himadri, my husband.”
She insisted me to speak up---“What do you mean by that?”
I was skeptical at the beginning “Should I talk to her about the gold pendant? Why not she is the only person in this world to whom I can open myself.”
The baby was looking at my face with her tiny squint eyes. She yawned at me, her toothless mouth, sweet chubby pinkish cheeks was emancipating a pure halo of love. I looked at her face and with quivering lips, I said to Churni---“My husband is gone, he has not touched me since my miscarriage. I have failed myself as a wife, Churni.”
She screamed---“WHAT?”
“Yes” I gently nodded my head.
She took my face between her palms and looked deeply at me---“What do you mean, Paree?”
My soul shattered as I told her the incident of the gold pendant.
---“But, you are yet to hear from Niladri, right? How do you come into conclusion without any strong evidence?”
“I know by my heart, Churni. I have seen that in his eyes. His cold touches, his voice, his face. Everything tells me that he has no interest.” I took a deep breath “I will take my final step once I get the news.” With that I let emptied my whole exhale and bend my head on my knees.
I could not feel anything else, except a burning rage in my head and soul.
#
I called Niladri that night asking him whether he has found anything or not. I pressed the phone to my ears, prepared myself for the forthcoming news of losing the battle.
His voice was too cold---“I am coming to bring you back, Boudi.”
---“Tell me what you have got, please.”
---“Nothing as of now Boudi.”
I screamed at him---“You are telling lie.”
---“Why should I lie to you, Boudi? You are the only one person who understands me. Tell me why should I lie to you?”
---“Because, he is your brother.”
He was silent for few moments and then said---“But I love you Boudi. I can’t deceive you at any cost, even if he is my brother.” His voice choked “You got me acquainted with my life. How can I deceive you, Boudi?”
Tears rolled down my cheeks on hearing his words. I felt an uncontrollable thrust on my bosom and I clenched my fist and banged my forehead.
#
November started. Chill winds welcomed the winter in the village. Niladri came after few weeks to take me back to Dhanbad. He gifted Nilanjana a gold chain and blessed her. The day I had to return to Dhanbad, I took Nilanjana in my lap and kissed her forehead. She yawned at me and looked at my face with her tiny little eyes. Few drops of tears fell on her little chubby cheeks.
I whispered to her sleepy ears---“My beautiful niece, I have nothing as of now to give you. But I promise you, I will take care of you as my precious heart.”
Maithili said to me---“You don’t have to give anything to her.”
She embraced me close to her and whispered to my ears---“I pray to god that your apprehension is all wrong and you get back your husband.”
#
Niladri was very silent all the way to Dhanbad. We talked very less, only courtesy queries and answers were the points of our conversation. From the sullen look on his face, my breaths stormed out. Niladri said that there was no one in the house except him and Himadri. His parents had gone to some relative’s house.
The time we reached Dhanbad, it was noon.
#
In the evening, I was in my room, keeping my belongings in the cupboard. Niladri came in my room. His face was dripping sheer pain and angst.
I looked at his face and my nose-flared up on observing his sullen face---“What happened, Niladri?”
He came close to me and stooped his head. He was breathing hard---“Come with me.”
My chest burnt in anger, I breathed fire on hearing his words---“Where?”
He placed his hand on my shoulder and nudged me gently---“Come with me, Boudi.”
My heart was thumping inside my chest as if it would burst out any moment. I was breathing heavily---“Just tell me what you have found? Is my foreboding is true?”
---“See it yourself.”
I screamed at him---“No, I don’t want to behold anything. Just tell me that it is false.”
He took me in his arms and pressed my head on his chest---“I tried very hard to prove you wrong Boudi, but her name is Shalini.”
I went numb in his arms. All my veins and nerves went dry upon hearing him. I held my breath for some time and then freed myself from his arms slowly. I looked at his face; he was looking at the floor. He was breathing very slowly. I closed my eyes and slowly sat on the chair and rested my head on the table.
The only thought that twirled in my head and burnt my soul was “I lost my love and I was unable to come out of that and the repercussion was in front of me.”
He came near me and kneeled by my chair---“Boudi, what do you want me to do?”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and said to him---“I will talk to him tonight. Who is she?”
He took a deep breath---“She is Dada’s old college’s friend. She is married and has a four-year-old son. She lives in Bokaro. He husband works in Steel Plant.”
All the while, he was saying those, I had my eyes tightly closed and clenched my jaws. I was unable to keep my head as it was spinning like a whirlpool in high seas. I gave a blank look at him “What should I say to him? Whose fault was that anyways? Mine? Himadri’s? Whose fault?” I was at my wits end tried hard to find the truthful answer. After sometime it dawned that, “Suchi, you have lost that right. In last three years, have you ever tried to come near him? No.” Then I thought, “If he wanted to leave me, then what is the harm? He could have told me and we could have parted our ways.”
My lips quivered in pain---“Leave me alone Niladri. I want some time alone with me.”
He let out a deep exhale from his chest and went away.
______________________________
I gently rubbed her forehead. I held her head on across my bosom---“Nothing will happen to you, till I am here.”
She sobbed in my warm embrace---“Promise me one thing Paree?”
I knew what she would ask from me yet I nodded my head.
Her weak frame trembled; voice choked my ears---“Look after my child if something happens to me.”
Her words made my eyes hazy; I pressed my lips on her head. I cried out softly---“Churni, nothing is going to happen to you.”
---“I want to say something to you before I goto hospital.”
I pressed my fingers on her quivering lips---“I will hear those words once you come back with your child.” My heart was bleeding with pain and tears flooded my cheeks and soaked her forehead.
I wiped my tears and asked Subroto Da---“What the gynecologists are saying?”
---“The last USG report suggests that the umbilical cord is wrapped around the neck of the baby and more grave is that the placenta is inverted. The operation would be somewhat critical.”
I looked at Maithili; she gave a painful smile at me. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes.
#
She was admitted to hospital on the first week of October. She was experiencing her birth pangs. To my sheer surprise, I found Arunima to be also present. I gave a courtesy smiled at her. We met for the first time in last eight years. She felt bit awkward and tried to avoid me.
Maithili was taken to the operation theater; we sat outside, dipped in tension. I continuously wiped my eyes, clenched my fist to my bosom, and prayed to God all the time. A series of huge turbulent waves were sweeping across my chest and flooding my bosom.
#
Those five hours, waiting outside the operation theatre seemed to be endless. Subroto Da was loitering all along the corridor, anxiously waiting for news. He was very nervous, so was I.
#
At last, the nurse came out and called the name of Subroto Da, I ran to her. My eyes flooded as I saw a little baby wrapped in a white flannel in her arms. I took that child in my arms and gently placed my lips on its forehead. Few drops of tears soaked her tiny forehead. It was a baby girl. After sometime, the doctor came out and said that the caesarian was a successful one. I asked the doctor as when could we see Maithili. They said that she was still unconscious. Lots of blood had been drained, but she was out of danger.
In the evening, Maithili regained her consciousness; I sat by her side all the time. Baby was in the nursery under blue light. She was sleeping as if a beautiful pearl flooded in the blue moon light.
I smiled at Maithili and kissed her forehead. My eyes were glistening on seeing a faint smile on her lips---“My sweet Churni. You are ok.”
Subroto Da came and sat beside her on the bed. He gently rubbed his palm over her head---“Get well soon, your daughter is waiting.”
#
After few days, Maithili returned along with her baby. I was in a pure ecstasy. The life of my sweet sister-in-law was completed in a full-circle. She was a good wife, good daughter and then a good mother. The sight of Maithili’s beautiful face made me writhe in pain. I have failed myself in all the fronts of my life. At times, when I was alone in my room, I used to feel the pain of void and emptiness in my womb. The soft ripples have not died even after three years. The huge void of frustration and inadequacy again engulfed me. I tried to pull myself out from my miseries.
##
One evening I was singing lullaby with the baby in my arms, Maithili asked me---“Have you searched for any names for your niece?”
I looked at her and said---“Why should I name her?”
Subroto Da and Maithili named their baby Nilanjana.
#
.
One evening, I sat beside her with baby on my lap. I was looking at the face of the baby, my chest was having soft ripples of love and pain both at same time.
She perceived my hidden pain from my eyes---“Life is not yet finished, Paree.” She nudged my shoulders gently---“Every cloud has got a silver lining.”
On hearing those words from her lips, I gently shook my head---“Churni that is a failed dream that you are trying to contemplate. I have lost everything.” The only thought that was gnawing my soul was “I have lost Himadri, my husband.”
She insisted me to speak up---“What do you mean by that?”
I was skeptical at the beginning “Should I talk to her about the gold pendant? Why not she is the only person in this world to whom I can open myself.”
The baby was looking at my face with her tiny squint eyes. She yawned at me, her toothless mouth, sweet chubby pinkish cheeks was emancipating a pure halo of love. I looked at her face and with quivering lips, I said to Churni---“My husband is gone, he has not touched me since my miscarriage. I have failed myself as a wife, Churni.”
She screamed---“WHAT?”
“Yes” I gently nodded my head.
She took my face between her palms and looked deeply at me---“What do you mean, Paree?”
My soul shattered as I told her the incident of the gold pendant.
---“But, you are yet to hear from Niladri, right? How do you come into conclusion without any strong evidence?”
“I know by my heart, Churni. I have seen that in his eyes. His cold touches, his voice, his face. Everything tells me that he has no interest.” I took a deep breath “I will take my final step once I get the news.” With that I let emptied my whole exhale and bend my head on my knees.
I could not feel anything else, except a burning rage in my head and soul.
#
I called Niladri that night asking him whether he has found anything or not. I pressed the phone to my ears, prepared myself for the forthcoming news of losing the battle.
His voice was too cold---“I am coming to bring you back, Boudi.”
---“Tell me what you have got, please.”
---“Nothing as of now Boudi.”
I screamed at him---“You are telling lie.”
---“Why should I lie to you, Boudi? You are the only one person who understands me. Tell me why should I lie to you?”
---“Because, he is your brother.”
He was silent for few moments and then said---“But I love you Boudi. I can’t deceive you at any cost, even if he is my brother.” His voice choked “You got me acquainted with my life. How can I deceive you, Boudi?”
Tears rolled down my cheeks on hearing his words. I felt an uncontrollable thrust on my bosom and I clenched my fist and banged my forehead.
#
November started. Chill winds welcomed the winter in the village. Niladri came after few weeks to take me back to Dhanbad. He gifted Nilanjana a gold chain and blessed her. The day I had to return to Dhanbad, I took Nilanjana in my lap and kissed her forehead. She yawned at me and looked at my face with her tiny little eyes. Few drops of tears fell on her little chubby cheeks.
I whispered to her sleepy ears---“My beautiful niece, I have nothing as of now to give you. But I promise you, I will take care of you as my precious heart.”
Maithili said to me---“You don’t have to give anything to her.”
She embraced me close to her and whispered to my ears---“I pray to god that your apprehension is all wrong and you get back your husband.”
#
Niladri was very silent all the way to Dhanbad. We talked very less, only courtesy queries and answers were the points of our conversation. From the sullen look on his face, my breaths stormed out. Niladri said that there was no one in the house except him and Himadri. His parents had gone to some relative’s house.
The time we reached Dhanbad, it was noon.
#
In the evening, I was in my room, keeping my belongings in the cupboard. Niladri came in my room. His face was dripping sheer pain and angst.
I looked at his face and my nose-flared up on observing his sullen face---“What happened, Niladri?”
He came close to me and stooped his head. He was breathing hard---“Come with me.”
My chest burnt in anger, I breathed fire on hearing his words---“Where?”
He placed his hand on my shoulder and nudged me gently---“Come with me, Boudi.”
My heart was thumping inside my chest as if it would burst out any moment. I was breathing heavily---“Just tell me what you have found? Is my foreboding is true?”
---“See it yourself.”
I screamed at him---“No, I don’t want to behold anything. Just tell me that it is false.”
He took me in his arms and pressed my head on his chest---“I tried very hard to prove you wrong Boudi, but her name is Shalini.”
I went numb in his arms. All my veins and nerves went dry upon hearing him. I held my breath for some time and then freed myself from his arms slowly. I looked at his face; he was looking at the floor. He was breathing very slowly. I closed my eyes and slowly sat on the chair and rested my head on the table.
The only thought that twirled in my head and burnt my soul was “I lost my love and I was unable to come out of that and the repercussion was in front of me.”
He came near me and kneeled by my chair---“Boudi, what do you want me to do?”
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand and said to him---“I will talk to him tonight. Who is she?”
He took a deep breath---“She is Dada’s old college’s friend. She is married and has a four-year-old son. She lives in Bokaro. He husband works in Steel Plant.”
All the while, he was saying those, I had my eyes tightly closed and clenched my jaws. I was unable to keep my head as it was spinning like a whirlpool in high seas. I gave a blank look at him “What should I say to him? Whose fault was that anyways? Mine? Himadri’s? Whose fault?” I was at my wits end tried hard to find the truthful answer. After sometime it dawned that, “Suchi, you have lost that right. In last three years, have you ever tried to come near him? No.” Then I thought, “If he wanted to leave me, then what is the harm? He could have told me and we could have parted our ways.”
My lips quivered in pain---“Leave me alone Niladri. I want some time alone with me.”
He let out a deep exhale from his chest and went away.
______________________________
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