11-02-2020, 07:28 PM
#
Months passed, without any improvement in our relation. I joined school and Niladri used to come every day to drive me back home. Every day he used to pause for sometime before starting hi bike.
One day I asked him---“For whom are you waiting? I am here.”
He scratched his scalp and brought his coy face near me and whispered---“Boudi, you have forgotten my request.”
I smiled at him as I really forgot what all he asked for.
---“Look over your shoulder, Boudi.”
I looked back; Pallavi Sinha was coming out of the school gate. She was the new English teacher who joined our school in junior section.
I ruffled his coarse hair and flinched by brows---“So, she was your dream?”
He held my hand and said---“Please, Boudi. Please, please, please.”
---“Ok, I will talk to her. Now drive, we have to go home, I have to buy few things from Bank More.”
#
After few days, I told Niladri to come late so that I could talk to Pallavi. Since she was in junior section and I was in senior section so we had less conversation among us. Moreover, I kept myself very secluded from others colleagues.
Pallavi came out and asked me---“Madam, you are waiting still? Your brother-in-law is late today?”
I looked at her and said---“Yes, probably he is busy somewhere.”
She looked bit lost and asked me---“So when is he going to come?”
I flinched my brows and asked her---“Why are you asking that? And by the way how do you know that he is my brother-in-law?”
She looked down to her feet to hide her coy face---“No, nothing. I do not know him personally. We have a common friend.”
I smiled at her and said---“So you have met him before?”
She shook her head---“No, no, no Madam.”
Moreover, that conversation made us close. After sometime, Niladri arrived. I introduced him with Pallavi. On seeing, Niladri Pallavi blushed sweetly. Her coy face shot me to my memoirs of first night. That eventful night; when we were walking at the courtyard of my native place. He stopped me at one dark corner of the courtyard, looked at my face and said to me “You are very beautiful.”
#
Day by day, their attraction bloomed into love. Niladri was skeptical about breaking the news to his parents. I asked Niladri as what was deterring him no to break the news.
---“Boudi, you know my dad. He is not going to accept a non-Bengali daughter-in-law in house.”
I was angry upon him---“You knew that from beginning, then why did you approached.”
---“I don’t know Boudi; I just fell for her, smitten by her sweet smile.”
I felt that the same cycle of life was being rotated in front of my eyes. I could not control myself.
I snapped at him---“What are you going to do, Niladri? Destroy one’s life?”
---“No, Boudi. It will not happen. I am going to talk to my dad.”
---“Have you talked to her parents yet?”
---“She has given some hint to her parents. But I think you need to talk to her parents as well. Not as my sister-in-law but as her friend and colleague.”
I shook my head---“I will try. I need some time to talk to her and then will step accordingly.”
#
Pallavi was very sweet girl and I liked her. Her father was railway employee. She used to stay in the Rail colony near the station. Few days later, I asked Pallavi to accompany to Kaveri. I asked Niladri to come directly to Kaveri.
I asked Pallavi---“What is the problem? Have you talked to your parents or not?”
Pallavi looked at my face and smiled painfully---“From my side, I don’t have much of resistance. My mother knows about and she has assured me that she will talk to my father. But, Madam, the problem is your father-in-law.”
I knew from the day I stepped, that my father-in-law’s mentality was bit prehistoric. I sensed that there would be a huge fight in our house, when this news would break.
Niladri arrived and sat by her side. Both were looking very beautiful couple, glued with amorist. Stealthily I wiped the corner of my left eye. A solitary drop tried to trickle down.
Pallavi saw me wiping my eyes; she asked me---“What happened Madam?”
I smiled at her and said---“Don’t call me Madam at least now. I am not in school.”
“Ok, Boudi.” She smiled sweetly at me.
Niladri asked me---“Boudi, what are we going to do?”
I looked at both of them; they were anxiously waiting for my suggestion. What should I say or suggest to them?
I said to them---“Wait for some time. Let me talk to both of your parents.”
I said those words; however, I was not confident enough to fight.
They were satisfied with my assurance, but I was not satisfied.
#
Days passed and their love grew stronger. I felt a stream of fresh air, flowing through my veins. Their face beamed with new life and the look in their face, made me think of my old days.
#
Two years passed by without any notable ripples, I turned thirty on August. The string of attachment between my husband and me was negligible. I was also not in terms of repairing that string. Every moment, I cursed myself for being a failed wife and a failed mother. My gore heart and soul always remind me of his waiting eyes.
#
On my thirtieth birthday, as usual I was in my school when my phone rang. I picked up the phone.
---“Hello.”
The answer from the other end, made my ears turned red in anger. It was ChotoMa.
“How are you ShonaMa?” Her voice was dripping with pain and sorrow.
I bit my lips and clenched my right fist on my bosom---“I am ok. Why have you called?”
She sobbed out from the other end---“I miss you very much, Paree. Won’t you come back?”
I clenched my jaws and said---“Never ChotoMa, I won’t come back to you again. Keep the phone, ChotoMa. You already had done much massacre to my life and soul. I do not want to talk to you.”
She sobbed---“I have one small question, Paree?”
I was anticipating that query from her---“I know what you are going to ask. You will ask whether Abhi has contacted me after returning to India or not? Right? For your information, Abhi is not like that person. He will not try to bring catastrophe in my marital life.” I was sobbing in sheer pain while saying those words to her. “He will die rather to bring any harm to me, after knowing that I have married. He will not question me. He will accept as what life brought to him. I do not know his whereabouts ChotoMa. I want to be left alone, ChotoMa. Please do not call me again.”
“Happy birthday, Paree.” She kept the phone.
#
I went inside the restroom and tried hard to suppress the turbulence inside my heart. I came to know that Abhimanyu has not contacted his parents. “Then what was he doing? Where was he? He has contacted Kalyani but not his parents. Why, what was the reason?” Thousand of queries haunted my mind. I was at loss, for those answers. “Should I call Kalyani and know ask about his whereabouts? She would probably know as he has called her.”
#
Then it dawned in my mind “No, I should not bring any turbulence in my life after three years. I should refrain myself from such thoughts. He might have started a new life of his own. Bereft of me, bereft of his parents and close one. Let him be happy with what he has.”
On January, the news came that Maithili was expecting. I was very happy to hear that a new life is coming in this world. SubrotoDa informed me about that. He was very happy, that he was going to be a proud father.
“Where is Churni? I want to talk to her.”
He handed the phone to her. She sounded very weak---“I am well.”
---“I do not presume that by your voice Churni? Tell me what all has happened.”
---“It is normal, Paree.”
---“Have you consulted the doctor? What are they saying?”
---“Doctors are saying that there is some problem with my urine and blood.”
I clenched my fist, I was on the verge of breakdown “No, this can’t happen to the person whom I adore most in this world.”
I cried out---“I want to meet you, I am coming.”
---“Please, Paree, I am ok. Do not take un-necessary tension. Everything will be ok, Paree.”
#
Just then, Himadri entered the room. He saw me crying on the phone and asked me as what has happened. I told him that Maithili was pregnant and I wanted to meet her.
---“Ok, when do you want to go?”
There was no resistance from his side, no reaction about the news. I looked at him and wiped my eyes.
---“I will go during her child-birth not now.”
“Very well.” He said. “I want to talk to you Suchi.”
I disconnected the phone and asked to Himadri as what he wanted.
---“My parents are looking for bride for Niladri.”
I knew that it was only matter of time as Niladri was also thirty-one---“So?”
---“I came to know from few peers that he is seeing someone and she happens to be teacher of your school also.”
“So you know everything?” I chewed those words while throwing them to him.
He snapped at me---“Why haven’t you informed me before?”
I pointed my index finger to him and snapped back---“When do you find time to talk to me? You always return late from office, most of the night in inebriated state. You take dinner and then slam on the bed. Have you asked for once that how I am? What have I eaten? How was my life? No. You don’t have time for me.”
My head was burning in bitter anger while pouring those vengeful words to him.
---“What do you think? Am I a stone idol? You have brought me here in your house. It was your duty to look after me and take care of me.”
He was stone cold. He gave a bewildered look at me. Probably he never sensed that I could talk to him in that fashion.
I continued---“Have I ever asked as why you are coming late? Have I ever questioned that why were you acting indifferent to me in these three years of our marriage? Have you ever tried to help me come out of my loss and pain? No. Why Himadri? Why?”
He clenched his jaws and gave a ragged look at me---“What should I tell you? You do not listen to me. I tried to apprehend you at the beginning, but you were in a total loss. Then, you never acted to be my wife whom I married. You were always in a shell covered with some pain and destitute. You never allowed anyone to delve into your domain. You never divulge me your heart even Suchi. You once told me that clap had to sound with both hands. SO if you do not tell me as what had happened to you then how could I know? I am sure there is something more than a mere miscarriage. I can tell that for sure and I can even see those in your eyes.”
My head went blank when I heard those words from his lips “Has he fathomed that I loved someone else? What will he do with me if he comes to know about the reality?”
I did not have a single speck of faith on him so I lied to him---“The reason of my miscarriage was my ChotoMa and I bore that pain in my heart. I bore, that the person whom I adored most in the world, deceived me to dungeon.”
His look was evident that he did not believe a single word of mine.
He snapped the burning words at me---“Your ChotoMa called me.”
I went numb. I was stoned by those words. My heart pumped furiously “What has she told to him? Has she revealed all my dark, beautiful past that I burnt in the sacrament pyre?”
My face was red in anger and unknown fear. He sensed everything on seeing me go pale.
---“She told me, that she was sorry for whatever has happened. She requested me to bring you back to her.”
A huge load came off my chest and I took a deep breath. “So ChotoMa was at least had some conscience left in her that she has not divulged anything.” My eyes glistened while hearing his last words. However, in my heart, it was all gore, it was all finished.
I chewed my words---“Himadri, I don’t want to go back to Kolkata. Please do not ask me.”
He sounded very cold on hearing my answer---“I do not even want to come between you two. It would be your call whether you keep your ties or not.”
I wiped my eyes and said to him---“Ok, so be it. So you will not meddle whatever I have to do in my life?”
He said---“I will not, till the time you don’t cross my path.”
I shook my head in sheer dismay and anger. I came to conclusion that he has lost his interest. “Was he lost in someone else?” I did not know at that time.
#
Tension brewed in my in-laws house as my mother-in-law was searching for a suitable daughter-in-law for Niladri. He was adamant of not marrying anyone. Niladri asked for my help, but I was even helpless in that house. After few months, my father-in-law finalized a girl for Niladri. Every time I looked at Himadri, expecting him to talk to his parents about the situation. However, he acted very indifferent towards all those conversations.
#
Months passed, without any improvement in our relation. I joined school and Niladri used to come every day to drive me back home. Every day he used to pause for sometime before starting hi bike.
One day I asked him---“For whom are you waiting? I am here.”
He scratched his scalp and brought his coy face near me and whispered---“Boudi, you have forgotten my request.”
I smiled at him as I really forgot what all he asked for.
---“Look over your shoulder, Boudi.”
I looked back; Pallavi Sinha was coming out of the school gate. She was the new English teacher who joined our school in junior section.
I ruffled his coarse hair and flinched by brows---“So, she was your dream?”
He held my hand and said---“Please, Boudi. Please, please, please.”
---“Ok, I will talk to her. Now drive, we have to go home, I have to buy few things from Bank More.”
#
After few days, I told Niladri to come late so that I could talk to Pallavi. Since she was in junior section and I was in senior section so we had less conversation among us. Moreover, I kept myself very secluded from others colleagues.
Pallavi came out and asked me---“Madam, you are waiting still? Your brother-in-law is late today?”
I looked at her and said---“Yes, probably he is busy somewhere.”
She looked bit lost and asked me---“So when is he going to come?”
I flinched my brows and asked her---“Why are you asking that? And by the way how do you know that he is my brother-in-law?”
She looked down to her feet to hide her coy face---“No, nothing. I do not know him personally. We have a common friend.”
I smiled at her and said---“So you have met him before?”
She shook her head---“No, no, no Madam.”
Moreover, that conversation made us close. After sometime, Niladri arrived. I introduced him with Pallavi. On seeing, Niladri Pallavi blushed sweetly. Her coy face shot me to my memoirs of first night. That eventful night; when we were walking at the courtyard of my native place. He stopped me at one dark corner of the courtyard, looked at my face and said to me “You are very beautiful.”
#
Day by day, their attraction bloomed into love. Niladri was skeptical about breaking the news to his parents. I asked Niladri as what was deterring him no to break the news.
---“Boudi, you know my dad. He is not going to accept a non-Bengali daughter-in-law in house.”
I was angry upon him---“You knew that from beginning, then why did you approached.”
---“I don’t know Boudi; I just fell for her, smitten by her sweet smile.”
I felt that the same cycle of life was being rotated in front of my eyes. I could not control myself.
I snapped at him---“What are you going to do, Niladri? Destroy one’s life?”
---“No, Boudi. It will not happen. I am going to talk to my dad.”
---“Have you talked to her parents yet?”
---“She has given some hint to her parents. But I think you need to talk to her parents as well. Not as my sister-in-law but as her friend and colleague.”
I shook my head---“I will try. I need some time to talk to her and then will step accordingly.”
#
Pallavi was very sweet girl and I liked her. Her father was railway employee. She used to stay in the Rail colony near the station. Few days later, I asked Pallavi to accompany to Kaveri. I asked Niladri to come directly to Kaveri.
I asked Pallavi---“What is the problem? Have you talked to your parents or not?”
Pallavi looked at my face and smiled painfully---“From my side, I don’t have much of resistance. My mother knows about and she has assured me that she will talk to my father. But, Madam, the problem is your father-in-law.”
I knew from the day I stepped, that my father-in-law’s mentality was bit prehistoric. I sensed that there would be a huge fight in our house, when this news would break.
Niladri arrived and sat by her side. Both were looking very beautiful couple, glued with amorist. Stealthily I wiped the corner of my left eye. A solitary drop tried to trickle down.
Pallavi saw me wiping my eyes; she asked me---“What happened Madam?”
I smiled at her and said---“Don’t call me Madam at least now. I am not in school.”
“Ok, Boudi.” She smiled sweetly at me.
Niladri asked me---“Boudi, what are we going to do?”
I looked at both of them; they were anxiously waiting for my suggestion. What should I say or suggest to them?
I said to them---“Wait for some time. Let me talk to both of your parents.”
I said those words; however, I was not confident enough to fight.
They were satisfied with my assurance, but I was not satisfied.
#
Days passed and their love grew stronger. I felt a stream of fresh air, flowing through my veins. Their face beamed with new life and the look in their face, made me think of my old days.
#
Two years passed by without any notable ripples, I turned thirty on August. The string of attachment between my husband and me was negligible. I was also not in terms of repairing that string. Every moment, I cursed myself for being a failed wife and a failed mother. My gore heart and soul always remind me of his waiting eyes.
#
On my thirtieth birthday, as usual I was in my school when my phone rang. I picked up the phone.
---“Hello.”
The answer from the other end, made my ears turned red in anger. It was ChotoMa.
“How are you ShonaMa?” Her voice was dripping with pain and sorrow.
I bit my lips and clenched my right fist on my bosom---“I am ok. Why have you called?”
She sobbed out from the other end---“I miss you very much, Paree. Won’t you come back?”
I clenched my jaws and said---“Never ChotoMa, I won’t come back to you again. Keep the phone, ChotoMa. You already had done much massacre to my life and soul. I do not want to talk to you.”
She sobbed---“I have one small question, Paree?”
I was anticipating that query from her---“I know what you are going to ask. You will ask whether Abhi has contacted me after returning to India or not? Right? For your information, Abhi is not like that person. He will not try to bring catastrophe in my marital life.” I was sobbing in sheer pain while saying those words to her. “He will die rather to bring any harm to me, after knowing that I have married. He will not question me. He will accept as what life brought to him. I do not know his whereabouts ChotoMa. I want to be left alone, ChotoMa. Please do not call me again.”
“Happy birthday, Paree.” She kept the phone.
#
I went inside the restroom and tried hard to suppress the turbulence inside my heart. I came to know that Abhimanyu has not contacted his parents. “Then what was he doing? Where was he? He has contacted Kalyani but not his parents. Why, what was the reason?” Thousand of queries haunted my mind. I was at loss, for those answers. “Should I call Kalyani and know ask about his whereabouts? She would probably know as he has called her.”
#
Then it dawned in my mind “No, I should not bring any turbulence in my life after three years. I should refrain myself from such thoughts. He might have started a new life of his own. Bereft of me, bereft of his parents and close one. Let him be happy with what he has.”
On January, the news came that Maithili was expecting. I was very happy to hear that a new life is coming in this world. SubrotoDa informed me about that. He was very happy, that he was going to be a proud father.
“Where is Churni? I want to talk to her.”
He handed the phone to her. She sounded very weak---“I am well.”
---“I do not presume that by your voice Churni? Tell me what all has happened.”
---“It is normal, Paree.”
---“Have you consulted the doctor? What are they saying?”
---“Doctors are saying that there is some problem with my urine and blood.”
I clenched my fist, I was on the verge of breakdown “No, this can’t happen to the person whom I adore most in this world.”
I cried out---“I want to meet you, I am coming.”
---“Please, Paree, I am ok. Do not take un-necessary tension. Everything will be ok, Paree.”
#
Just then, Himadri entered the room. He saw me crying on the phone and asked me as what has happened. I told him that Maithili was pregnant and I wanted to meet her.
---“Ok, when do you want to go?”
There was no resistance from his side, no reaction about the news. I looked at him and wiped my eyes.
---“I will go during her child-birth not now.”
“Very well.” He said. “I want to talk to you Suchi.”
I disconnected the phone and asked to Himadri as what he wanted.
---“My parents are looking for bride for Niladri.”
I knew that it was only matter of time as Niladri was also thirty-one---“So?”
---“I came to know from few peers that he is seeing someone and she happens to be teacher of your school also.”
“So you know everything?” I chewed those words while throwing them to him.
He snapped at me---“Why haven’t you informed me before?”
I pointed my index finger to him and snapped back---“When do you find time to talk to me? You always return late from office, most of the night in inebriated state. You take dinner and then slam on the bed. Have you asked for once that how I am? What have I eaten? How was my life? No. You don’t have time for me.”
My head was burning in bitter anger while pouring those vengeful words to him.
---“What do you think? Am I a stone idol? You have brought me here in your house. It was your duty to look after me and take care of me.”
He was stone cold. He gave a bewildered look at me. Probably he never sensed that I could talk to him in that fashion.
I continued---“Have I ever asked as why you are coming late? Have I ever questioned that why were you acting indifferent to me in these three years of our marriage? Have you ever tried to help me come out of my loss and pain? No. Why Himadri? Why?”
He clenched his jaws and gave a ragged look at me---“What should I tell you? You do not listen to me. I tried to apprehend you at the beginning, but you were in a total loss. Then, you never acted to be my wife whom I married. You were always in a shell covered with some pain and destitute. You never allowed anyone to delve into your domain. You never divulge me your heart even Suchi. You once told me that clap had to sound with both hands. SO if you do not tell me as what had happened to you then how could I know? I am sure there is something more than a mere miscarriage. I can tell that for sure and I can even see those in your eyes.”
My head went blank when I heard those words from his lips “Has he fathomed that I loved someone else? What will he do with me if he comes to know about the reality?”
I did not have a single speck of faith on him so I lied to him---“The reason of my miscarriage was my ChotoMa and I bore that pain in my heart. I bore, that the person whom I adored most in the world, deceived me to dungeon.”
His look was evident that he did not believe a single word of mine.
He snapped the burning words at me---“Your ChotoMa called me.”
I went numb. I was stoned by those words. My heart pumped furiously “What has she told to him? Has she revealed all my dark, beautiful past that I burnt in the sacrament pyre?”
My face was red in anger and unknown fear. He sensed everything on seeing me go pale.
---“She told me, that she was sorry for whatever has happened. She requested me to bring you back to her.”
A huge load came off my chest and I took a deep breath. “So ChotoMa was at least had some conscience left in her that she has not divulged anything.” My eyes glistened while hearing his last words. However, in my heart, it was all gore, it was all finished.
I chewed my words---“Himadri, I don’t want to go back to Kolkata. Please do not ask me.”
He sounded very cold on hearing my answer---“I do not even want to come between you two. It would be your call whether you keep your ties or not.”
I wiped my eyes and said to him---“Ok, so be it. So you will not meddle whatever I have to do in my life?”
He said---“I will not, till the time you don’t cross my path.”
I shook my head in sheer dismay and anger. I came to conclusion that he has lost his interest. “Was he lost in someone else?” I did not know at that time.
#
Tension brewed in my in-laws house as my mother-in-law was searching for a suitable daughter-in-law for Niladri. He was adamant of not marrying anyone. Niladri asked for my help, but I was even helpless in that house. After few months, my father-in-law finalized a girl for Niladri. Every time I looked at Himadri, expecting him to talk to his parents about the situation. However, he acted very indifferent towards all those conversations.
#
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