11-02-2020, 01:18 PM
Winter vacation approached. My M.Sc. final were just five months from then. I went back to my native village. That time I went alone in the cab. Neither Babu nor ChotoMa accompanied me.
I got down from the cab alone; my Mom looked at my face.
She asked me---“You are alone this time?”
I nodded my head and carried my bag inside---“Yes, ChotoMa and Babu were busy in some work. Anyway they will be coming to take me back.”
She probably sensed those bubbles inside me.
--
At night, she came to my room. I was writing few lines in the “Optics Notebook”. I closed that and looked at her.
She asked me---“Has Abhimanyu contacted you?”
I shook my head---“No he has not called me; neither has he called Suprotim Da.”
---“What happened to him? Why he is not trying to contact you?”
I was very annoyed on hearing those words. I almost screamed---“How can I know? What the hell is he doing? I don’t even know why he came in my life and just uprooted me.”
I had mixed feelings of angst and pain and fear running inside my heart.
Angst, he was not contacting me. Pain, has he forgotten me? Fear, something should not happen to him.
I asked Mom---“When are you going to talk to ChotoMa about me and Abhi?”
She came near me and rubbed her palms on my head---“Don’t be so restless.”
---“How can I hold on? Eighteen months have passed. What is he doing?”
She asked me a final question---“Ask your heart. What is restraining him from contacting you for last eighteen months? If you find answer, then wait for him and fight. If you don’t find any answer then meet whatever comes in your life.”
I locked the door after mom went out. I asked that question to myself that night. But I could not find any answer.
I called Suprotim Da again but the phone answered, “Please check the number you have dialed.”
I found the panes of glass covering my heart getting shattered by that answer. My last and only hope drowned. I did not cry that day. I did not sleep on my bed also. For the whole night, I was awake on my bed, sat silently. I felt angry upon myself for waiting too long for him. I felt a huge vacuum inside my heart. Nothing was there to fill my soul. No pain no happiness, only a dark vacuum.
I looked the “Optics Notebook” lying on the table. For once, I thought of destroying that diary forever. “Why should I care for his childhood? Why should I care for his friendships? Why should I care for his love?”
I took the diary in my hands and was about to tear. The page that opened in front of me was his Hindi poem. I read that somehow which restrained me to destroy that diary.
The whole winter break, I kept myself confined to my studies only. I knew that very well, that if I have to fight the world I have to be on myself. I had a pillar, my Mom, but I had to search for him also.
I got down from the cab alone; my Mom looked at my face.
She asked me---“You are alone this time?”
I nodded my head and carried my bag inside---“Yes, ChotoMa and Babu were busy in some work. Anyway they will be coming to take me back.”
She probably sensed those bubbles inside me.
--
At night, she came to my room. I was writing few lines in the “Optics Notebook”. I closed that and looked at her.
She asked me---“Has Abhimanyu contacted you?”
I shook my head---“No he has not called me; neither has he called Suprotim Da.”
---“What happened to him? Why he is not trying to contact you?”
I was very annoyed on hearing those words. I almost screamed---“How can I know? What the hell is he doing? I don’t even know why he came in my life and just uprooted me.”
I had mixed feelings of angst and pain and fear running inside my heart.
Angst, he was not contacting me. Pain, has he forgotten me? Fear, something should not happen to him.
I asked Mom---“When are you going to talk to ChotoMa about me and Abhi?”
She came near me and rubbed her palms on my head---“Don’t be so restless.”
---“How can I hold on? Eighteen months have passed. What is he doing?”
She asked me a final question---“Ask your heart. What is restraining him from contacting you for last eighteen months? If you find answer, then wait for him and fight. If you don’t find any answer then meet whatever comes in your life.”
I locked the door after mom went out. I asked that question to myself that night. But I could not find any answer.
I called Suprotim Da again but the phone answered, “Please check the number you have dialed.”
I found the panes of glass covering my heart getting shattered by that answer. My last and only hope drowned. I did not cry that day. I did not sleep on my bed also. For the whole night, I was awake on my bed, sat silently. I felt angry upon myself for waiting too long for him. I felt a huge vacuum inside my heart. Nothing was there to fill my soul. No pain no happiness, only a dark vacuum.
I looked the “Optics Notebook” lying on the table. For once, I thought of destroying that diary forever. “Why should I care for his childhood? Why should I care for his friendships? Why should I care for his love?”
I took the diary in my hands and was about to tear. The page that opened in front of me was his Hindi poem. I read that somehow which restrained me to destroy that diary.
The whole winter break, I kept myself confined to my studies only. I knew that very well, that if I have to fight the world I have to be on myself. I had a pillar, my Mom, but I had to search for him also.
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