11-02-2020, 12:09 PM
After he left the house no one talked about him. I was asked to keep my door open even during night. Probably ChotoMa thought that I could have harmed myself somehow. I was a small town girl; I
didn’t have that courage or stupidity to take my life. I accepted my fate and tried to live like a corpse then.
I could not even cry properly. Every time there was a pair of prying eyes hovering on me. The only time I was left alone was in the bathroom. Several thousands of time I banged my head on the mirror
and tried to break that mirror so that somehow the glass pierce in my head and my life comes to an abrupt untimely end. Alas! The mirror was also not in my favour.
Just then Babu called me again ---“ShonaMa is the tea ready? I have to goto market.”
I answered from the kitchen, while pouring one teaspoon of tea in that boiling water.
---“Just a minute Babu; almost done.”
Probably a drop of my tear also got mixed in that saucepan of boiling water. I wiped my nose and my face with the back of my hand and filtered the tea in a cup.
I walked to his room and kept the cup on his table. Babu was still reading the newspaper.
Without even looking at me he said to me---“Tomorrow your ChotoMa will take you for shopping to ShaymBazar for Puja. What do you want this time?”
I scratched the side of the table with my long finger nails and stood silently.
He looked at me; my long eyelashes were still deluged probably. He clenched his jaws and got up from his chair.
“I will goto market only after your ChotoMa arrives. I think that will be better.” His voice sounded stone cold in my ears.
He walked out to the drawing room and switched on the TV.
He handed me the newspaper and said---“If you don’t have to do anything now then read The Statesman. This will make your English vocabulary strong.”
Just then the doorbell ranged, I climbed down the stairs to open the door. It was time for ChotoMa to arrive from her school.
Yes I was right; it was ChotoMa standing at the door. She looked at me and nudged my chin.
---“How is my Paree today? Your college was fine.”
I had to give a faint smile as she walked in.
While climbing up the stairs she asked me---“Where is your Babu?”
I answered---“He is in the drawing room watching TV and sipping tea.”
There was a tone of anger in her voice ---“I asked him to goto market. There are no vegetables in the freeze; still he is sipping the tea. What has happened to this old man?”
I had nothing to answer, so I walked into my room silently. I lay on the bed and pulled a bedcover over me. My heart raced again to the thoughts of those beautiful past and my vision got dampened. I
bit my right finger so as to suppress my spasms overflowing my heart.
ChotoMa came into my room---“Why are you lying on bed at this time? Don’t lie down in the evening.”
My chest cried out “Can’t I have some time alone with myself, ChotoMa?” But I could not speak those words. Those words remained inside me forever, no one heard that.
I wiped my face and went into bathroom to wash my face.
During the dinner, ChotoMa said to me that she would take me for shopping the other day. I was not at all interested. Why should I buy new clothes? For whom should I wear new dresses? Who was
there to praise me? There was no meaning left in my life for joy.
Babu asked---“Paree what happened? You are so quiet today?”
I shook my head to tell them that nothing had happened and I was ok. But was I really ok? Was I really fine, with what had happened. Who knew that the rupture in my heart will not heal and was
broken into thousands of pieces?
I went into the bathroom to fresh up myself, applied the apricot face-wash on my cheeks. I looked at my cheeks, the rosy tint was gone. There was a pale look on my face. I brushed my teeth. I looked
at my lips; it was rosy but was that really rosy? No it was pale yellow. Was I having jaundice? No it was not due to jaundice. All colours of my life were washed away. The rosy cheeks, red lips, big
black eyes. Every colour was gone from my life.
didn’t have that courage or stupidity to take my life. I accepted my fate and tried to live like a corpse then.
I could not even cry properly. Every time there was a pair of prying eyes hovering on me. The only time I was left alone was in the bathroom. Several thousands of time I banged my head on the mirror
and tried to break that mirror so that somehow the glass pierce in my head and my life comes to an abrupt untimely end. Alas! The mirror was also not in my favour.
Just then Babu called me again ---“ShonaMa is the tea ready? I have to goto market.”
I answered from the kitchen, while pouring one teaspoon of tea in that boiling water.
---“Just a minute Babu; almost done.”
Probably a drop of my tear also got mixed in that saucepan of boiling water. I wiped my nose and my face with the back of my hand and filtered the tea in a cup.
I walked to his room and kept the cup on his table. Babu was still reading the newspaper.
Without even looking at me he said to me---“Tomorrow your ChotoMa will take you for shopping to ShaymBazar for Puja. What do you want this time?”
I scratched the side of the table with my long finger nails and stood silently.
He looked at me; my long eyelashes were still deluged probably. He clenched his jaws and got up from his chair.
“I will goto market only after your ChotoMa arrives. I think that will be better.” His voice sounded stone cold in my ears.
He walked out to the drawing room and switched on the TV.
He handed me the newspaper and said---“If you don’t have to do anything now then read The Statesman. This will make your English vocabulary strong.”
Just then the doorbell ranged, I climbed down the stairs to open the door. It was time for ChotoMa to arrive from her school.
Yes I was right; it was ChotoMa standing at the door. She looked at me and nudged my chin.
---“How is my Paree today? Your college was fine.”
I had to give a faint smile as she walked in.
While climbing up the stairs she asked me---“Where is your Babu?”
I answered---“He is in the drawing room watching TV and sipping tea.”
There was a tone of anger in her voice ---“I asked him to goto market. There are no vegetables in the freeze; still he is sipping the tea. What has happened to this old man?”
I had nothing to answer, so I walked into my room silently. I lay on the bed and pulled a bedcover over me. My heart raced again to the thoughts of those beautiful past and my vision got dampened. I
bit my right finger so as to suppress my spasms overflowing my heart.
ChotoMa came into my room---“Why are you lying on bed at this time? Don’t lie down in the evening.”
My chest cried out “Can’t I have some time alone with myself, ChotoMa?” But I could not speak those words. Those words remained inside me forever, no one heard that.
I wiped my face and went into bathroom to wash my face.
During the dinner, ChotoMa said to me that she would take me for shopping the other day. I was not at all interested. Why should I buy new clothes? For whom should I wear new dresses? Who was
there to praise me? There was no meaning left in my life for joy.
Babu asked---“Paree what happened? You are so quiet today?”
I shook my head to tell them that nothing had happened and I was ok. But was I really ok? Was I really fine, with what had happened. Who knew that the rupture in my heart will not heal and was
broken into thousands of pieces?
I went into the bathroom to fresh up myself, applied the apricot face-wash on my cheeks. I looked at my cheeks, the rosy tint was gone. There was a pale look on my face. I brushed my teeth. I looked
at my lips; it was rosy but was that really rosy? No it was pale yellow. Was I having jaundice? No it was not due to jaundice. All colours of my life were washed away. The rosy cheeks, red lips, big
black eyes. Every colour was gone from my life.
![[+]](https://xossipy.com/themes/sharepoint/collapse_collapsed.png)