05-02-2020, 07:54 PM
Update 23
Next day morning I got up hearing a thud. When I entered the kitchen I saw Preethi lying fainted on the floor. I lifted her up and saw a puddle of blood beneath her and draining through the back of her nighty.
I rushed her to the hospital. Kumar seemed to have already left our house.
The doctor at the emergency desk after checking her called for a gynecologist. The gynecologist came to me after treating her, “She must have been on her way to pregnancy and she forced herself to get her periods. It’s more like a hemorrhage with a lot of blood loss. Looks like she has taken a morning after pill, a birth control pill and I don’t know what else. At this stage if you guys didn’t want to continue you should have taken medical help instead of trying something stupid like this” she admonished me.
“She didn’t mention anything about her not wanting to proceed with pregnancy. And I don’t know what she took. How is she now?”
“She is terribly weak and needs to rest few days before she can be up and about. You may take her back tomorrow evening. And please take good care of her”
That evening Malathy and Kumar visited the hospital. While Kumar was visibly upset Malathy was almost in tears. I didn’t even wanted to talk to Kumar. I was worried where I will manhandle him right there. I didn’t tell them what the doctor told me.
I needed to talk to Preethi.
The following day evening I took her home and made her rest the next couple of days. I didn’t let her get up from the bed. She became totally silent as though she went into a cocoon. I couldn’t explain my own emotions. I was unhappy that I caused this abortion. Yet, I did not repent whatever I said to Preethi, as it had come out the bottom of my heart. When I tried talking lightly some mundane stuff, she was getting deeply upset. I just let her be. After couple of days of rest she was up and about on her own.
The following day when I came home she was already home and preparing dinner. Normally when I am in town we both used to engage in that activity. I changed and moved into the kitchen. Silently I started cutting vegetables for salad.
I probed her, “Why did you do that Preethi?”
“I didn’t want that baby” was her terse reply
“Why?” I insisted
“You might have wanted to forego something that is rightfully yours, but I didn’t want to be a thankless wife. At least not anymore” and tears started welling her eyes. She looked so remorseful that didn’t want to press the matter further.
After we finished dinner she moved to the guest bedroom as though she wanted to avoid me. When I peeped in I found her weeping.
From that day, exchanges between us were minimal and matter of fact.
As days passed by it was as though we were living like strangers. Though she didn’t avoid talking to me as she used to before, she did not start any dialogue. When I did, she limited her responses to mono syllables.
I didn’t find Kumar visiting us to spend the following Friday night in our home. Not ever after that.
Four weeks later Preethi came home late as she has been consistently doing since her illness. I was in the living room watching TV. First she sat next to me.
“Anand, I want to talk to you”
“Yes Preethi. Tell me”
She got up, came and knelt in front of me resting her head on my lap. This was the first time she came close to me after my outburst.
“I have been going to a therapist for the past three weeks”
“What’s wrong honey? What therapist?”
“Psychotherapist”
“But why?”
“My boss suggested it and I am happy I went”
“Your boss?”
“mmm.. The very same black partner. Since that day I just couldn’t face you and was so ashamed about how much I had hurt you. At the office I couldn’t concentrate in my work. When he called me to his cabin asking what’s wrong I broke down crying. Though I didn’t give him too many details he guessed much and took me to this therapist friend of his. Since that day everyday evening I have been going there”
“You still have not told me why you had to go to a therapist. We both could have talked it out”
“No honey. What you said were all true. While you unconditionally loved me I really didn’t love you as much or as deeply. This fantasy of sleeping with other people and getting pregnant I was nurturing had just clouded everything and made me to scheme. I shamelessly cheated on you. I realized all that from the therapy” she said with her head still resting on my lap.
Combing her hair with my fingers I said, “There is nothing wrong with you. I shouldn’t have shouted like that. It was my mistake. As you had rightly pointed out it was me who allowed the whole affair to start. I didn’t have the foresight to think of the consequences. I felt inadequate after Malathy explained about might of Kumar’s sexual prowess and didn’t have the guts to say no to you. I was angry with myself more than you. It was entirely my fault”
“No … I know how you felt and you don’t have to justify like that to me. Anyhow after the therapy so far, now I have understood myself better. As I thought something was really wrong with me. Some childhood memories that caused the whole thing”
“What child hood memories”
“I was planning to tell you and then ask your forgiveness”
“Forgiveness, come on honey! Please don’t talk as though I am a saint”
“Well, before all this started you were a saint. That is another reason the therapist wants to talk to you also. I guess fewer sittings than I had. Basically to understand the root cause of the fantasies you too had”
“Ok dear”
I lifted her up to my lap, held her face and kissed her. When we broke off from the kiss she just collapsed on my chest and sobbed saying, “I am so sorry”. Tears started rolling down my cheek too. We both sat like that for quite sometime.
Next day I too met the therapist.
Preethi’s father seemed to have had a string of extra marital affairs and one of them has resulted in a woman getting pregnant. Seeing her mother getting hurt so much and overhearing their fights had caused the dark urge in her to have extra marital sex and getting pregnant, as though it was some form of revenge. This formed the basis for her initial reticence to marriage, having kids with me etc., She found Kumar’s mistress idea the ideal route to make her urge a reality. Though she did not openly confide, Malathy sensed her urge to have extra marital sex and started working on me.
The basis for my fantasies was the voyeuristic urge to see my parents mate. I had developed it after I first saw them once by accident when I was 14. Though it was there all along it was rekindled by Malathy. What she did was planting some kind of suggestion to the mind to rekindle hidden desires and bringing them out.
As Preethi mentioned I had to go just for a few sittings. I was advised to handle Preethi with kid gloves and allow her to slowly come to terms with herself.
At home I didn’t raise any topic about the past one year. Coming to think of it I too wanted to forget it. It was as though I wanted to erase it off my memory. She still nuzzled next to me and cuddled into me in bed although we hadn’t started making love yet. Slowly Preethi was changing back to her witty self. The craving to have sex had completely disappeared in both of us. Like the therapist said Preethi was coming to terms with herself slowly.
More than two months later we went to Lake Tahoe resort to spend a weekend.
The evening we landed I had planned an take her to an exclusive dinner. Preethi surprised me when she came in a sexy noodle strap dress. Since her hospitalization I had not seen her in anything but jeans and non-revealing sweatshirts.
I noticed the mangalsutra around her neck and couldn't help but comment, "Why are you wearing your mangalsutra now?”
Smiling coyly she said, “I have been wearing it constantly for quite some time now”
Only then I noticed that the engagement ring too was back.
I said, “It doesn’t go with dress honey. Remove it”
She said, “Ok. Here after when I wear dresses like this I will remove it. But today let it be”
I started wondering what she was up to. During the dinner on her own she opened the topic
“I want to apologize for what I did”
“Hey, we have gone through this before. There is no need for it”
“No honey. I know the amount of hurt and grief I have caused for you. That was the only time I had seen you in tears.” She said that with tears welling her eyes. I just held her hands and kept quiet.
After a while she continued sniffing in between, “I feel it would have been so much better if you punished me in whatever manner. But I was really scared if you will divorce me. I would have killed myself”
“It’s ok honey. Let’s forget about it”
“But there are a few things that I do want tell you. Not that I am trying to justify myself”
“Go ahead”
“All along I have always loved you in my own way. Particularly during the last year my love and respect for you has grown a thousand fold. I am really so proud to be your wife.”
“Just as I am proud to have you as my wife”
“Are you? This thankless, unfaithful, cheating slut of a wife?” she repeated the words I said during my last emotional outburst. As she said she burst into tears and continued, “I am not accusing you for saying it. What you said was true as I had become all that”
“Oh please honey. I shouldn’t have been so harsh. After all I was party to most of the things you did. I was angry with myself more than with you. I feel ashamed that I verbally abused you instead”
Sniffing she said, “It’s ok. There could not have been a better wake up call. But now, forget about being proud of me. Just let me be your wife. I owe you so much more than a wife”
“Hey, remember I too enjoyed all that you did and I did and most importantly what we did”
“But grieved later”
“The grief was due to what we both had become in the process”
“I understand. I remember telling you more than once that I am his slut but your wife. What could be worse?”
“Just forget it and let’s look ahead. O.K?”
“Ok. That’s another thing I want to talk to you about”
“What?”
“I want to make up for what I did”
“You first tell me what you want to do. But let me decide whether you should. I don’t want to get scolded by some unknown people anymore”
Realizing that I was meaning the admonishment I received from the gynecologist she smiled with an apologetic look.
Then her usual mischievous smile that I missed all along returned and then she said “I won’t put you in such a situation ever again. But don’t you count my telling you what I want to do. You may not even know that I did”
“OK. I give up” I said raising my hands.
Laughing she held my hand
“Another thing. I want to promise you. Like taking an oath”
“What?” giving her an amused look.
In a sincere tone looking straight into my eyes she said, “I promise. The only relationship I want to have is with you and I will always be faithful to you no matter what. Till I die”
I was touched. To lighten the mood I said, “Too bad. Just when I am thinking of starting an affair behind your back you are telling me this” I kidded
She leaned across the table to hold my face lovingly in her hands, “Just tell me how I can be of help”
“First can we re-establish our relationship as husband and wife? Only then I can really become a cheating husband”
With her eyes gleaming showing her eagerness …
“I am waiting …”
After dinner we both were dashing to the bed like newly married honeymoon couple.
Next day morning I got up hearing a thud. When I entered the kitchen I saw Preethi lying fainted on the floor. I lifted her up and saw a puddle of blood beneath her and draining through the back of her nighty.
I rushed her to the hospital. Kumar seemed to have already left our house.
The doctor at the emergency desk after checking her called for a gynecologist. The gynecologist came to me after treating her, “She must have been on her way to pregnancy and she forced herself to get her periods. It’s more like a hemorrhage with a lot of blood loss. Looks like she has taken a morning after pill, a birth control pill and I don’t know what else. At this stage if you guys didn’t want to continue you should have taken medical help instead of trying something stupid like this” she admonished me.
“She didn’t mention anything about her not wanting to proceed with pregnancy. And I don’t know what she took. How is she now?”
“She is terribly weak and needs to rest few days before she can be up and about. You may take her back tomorrow evening. And please take good care of her”
That evening Malathy and Kumar visited the hospital. While Kumar was visibly upset Malathy was almost in tears. I didn’t even wanted to talk to Kumar. I was worried where I will manhandle him right there. I didn’t tell them what the doctor told me.
I needed to talk to Preethi.
The following day evening I took her home and made her rest the next couple of days. I didn’t let her get up from the bed. She became totally silent as though she went into a cocoon. I couldn’t explain my own emotions. I was unhappy that I caused this abortion. Yet, I did not repent whatever I said to Preethi, as it had come out the bottom of my heart. When I tried talking lightly some mundane stuff, she was getting deeply upset. I just let her be. After couple of days of rest she was up and about on her own.
The following day when I came home she was already home and preparing dinner. Normally when I am in town we both used to engage in that activity. I changed and moved into the kitchen. Silently I started cutting vegetables for salad.
I probed her, “Why did you do that Preethi?”
“I didn’t want that baby” was her terse reply
“Why?” I insisted
“You might have wanted to forego something that is rightfully yours, but I didn’t want to be a thankless wife. At least not anymore” and tears started welling her eyes. She looked so remorseful that didn’t want to press the matter further.
After we finished dinner she moved to the guest bedroom as though she wanted to avoid me. When I peeped in I found her weeping.
From that day, exchanges between us were minimal and matter of fact.
As days passed by it was as though we were living like strangers. Though she didn’t avoid talking to me as she used to before, she did not start any dialogue. When I did, she limited her responses to mono syllables.
I didn’t find Kumar visiting us to spend the following Friday night in our home. Not ever after that.
Four weeks later Preethi came home late as she has been consistently doing since her illness. I was in the living room watching TV. First she sat next to me.
“Anand, I want to talk to you”
“Yes Preethi. Tell me”
She got up, came and knelt in front of me resting her head on my lap. This was the first time she came close to me after my outburst.
“I have been going to a therapist for the past three weeks”
“What’s wrong honey? What therapist?”
“Psychotherapist”
“But why?”
“My boss suggested it and I am happy I went”
“Your boss?”
“mmm.. The very same black partner. Since that day I just couldn’t face you and was so ashamed about how much I had hurt you. At the office I couldn’t concentrate in my work. When he called me to his cabin asking what’s wrong I broke down crying. Though I didn’t give him too many details he guessed much and took me to this therapist friend of his. Since that day everyday evening I have been going there”
“You still have not told me why you had to go to a therapist. We both could have talked it out”
“No honey. What you said were all true. While you unconditionally loved me I really didn’t love you as much or as deeply. This fantasy of sleeping with other people and getting pregnant I was nurturing had just clouded everything and made me to scheme. I shamelessly cheated on you. I realized all that from the therapy” she said with her head still resting on my lap.
Combing her hair with my fingers I said, “There is nothing wrong with you. I shouldn’t have shouted like that. It was my mistake. As you had rightly pointed out it was me who allowed the whole affair to start. I didn’t have the foresight to think of the consequences. I felt inadequate after Malathy explained about might of Kumar’s sexual prowess and didn’t have the guts to say no to you. I was angry with myself more than you. It was entirely my fault”
“No … I know how you felt and you don’t have to justify like that to me. Anyhow after the therapy so far, now I have understood myself better. As I thought something was really wrong with me. Some childhood memories that caused the whole thing”
“What child hood memories”
“I was planning to tell you and then ask your forgiveness”
“Forgiveness, come on honey! Please don’t talk as though I am a saint”
“Well, before all this started you were a saint. That is another reason the therapist wants to talk to you also. I guess fewer sittings than I had. Basically to understand the root cause of the fantasies you too had”
“Ok dear”
I lifted her up to my lap, held her face and kissed her. When we broke off from the kiss she just collapsed on my chest and sobbed saying, “I am so sorry”. Tears started rolling down my cheek too. We both sat like that for quite sometime.
Next day I too met the therapist.
Preethi’s father seemed to have had a string of extra marital affairs and one of them has resulted in a woman getting pregnant. Seeing her mother getting hurt so much and overhearing their fights had caused the dark urge in her to have extra marital sex and getting pregnant, as though it was some form of revenge. This formed the basis for her initial reticence to marriage, having kids with me etc., She found Kumar’s mistress idea the ideal route to make her urge a reality. Though she did not openly confide, Malathy sensed her urge to have extra marital sex and started working on me.
The basis for my fantasies was the voyeuristic urge to see my parents mate. I had developed it after I first saw them once by accident when I was 14. Though it was there all along it was rekindled by Malathy. What she did was planting some kind of suggestion to the mind to rekindle hidden desires and bringing them out.
As Preethi mentioned I had to go just for a few sittings. I was advised to handle Preethi with kid gloves and allow her to slowly come to terms with herself.
At home I didn’t raise any topic about the past one year. Coming to think of it I too wanted to forget it. It was as though I wanted to erase it off my memory. She still nuzzled next to me and cuddled into me in bed although we hadn’t started making love yet. Slowly Preethi was changing back to her witty self. The craving to have sex had completely disappeared in both of us. Like the therapist said Preethi was coming to terms with herself slowly.
More than two months later we went to Lake Tahoe resort to spend a weekend.
The evening we landed I had planned an take her to an exclusive dinner. Preethi surprised me when she came in a sexy noodle strap dress. Since her hospitalization I had not seen her in anything but jeans and non-revealing sweatshirts.
I noticed the mangalsutra around her neck and couldn't help but comment, "Why are you wearing your mangalsutra now?”
Smiling coyly she said, “I have been wearing it constantly for quite some time now”
Only then I noticed that the engagement ring too was back.
I said, “It doesn’t go with dress honey. Remove it”
She said, “Ok. Here after when I wear dresses like this I will remove it. But today let it be”
I started wondering what she was up to. During the dinner on her own she opened the topic
“I want to apologize for what I did”
“Hey, we have gone through this before. There is no need for it”
“No honey. I know the amount of hurt and grief I have caused for you. That was the only time I had seen you in tears.” She said that with tears welling her eyes. I just held her hands and kept quiet.
After a while she continued sniffing in between, “I feel it would have been so much better if you punished me in whatever manner. But I was really scared if you will divorce me. I would have killed myself”
“It’s ok honey. Let’s forget about it”
“But there are a few things that I do want tell you. Not that I am trying to justify myself”
“Go ahead”
“All along I have always loved you in my own way. Particularly during the last year my love and respect for you has grown a thousand fold. I am really so proud to be your wife.”
“Just as I am proud to have you as my wife”
“Are you? This thankless, unfaithful, cheating slut of a wife?” she repeated the words I said during my last emotional outburst. As she said she burst into tears and continued, “I am not accusing you for saying it. What you said was true as I had become all that”
“Oh please honey. I shouldn’t have been so harsh. After all I was party to most of the things you did. I was angry with myself more than with you. I feel ashamed that I verbally abused you instead”
Sniffing she said, “It’s ok. There could not have been a better wake up call. But now, forget about being proud of me. Just let me be your wife. I owe you so much more than a wife”
“Hey, remember I too enjoyed all that you did and I did and most importantly what we did”
“But grieved later”
“The grief was due to what we both had become in the process”
“I understand. I remember telling you more than once that I am his slut but your wife. What could be worse?”
“Just forget it and let’s look ahead. O.K?”
“Ok. That’s another thing I want to talk to you about”
“What?”
“I want to make up for what I did”
“You first tell me what you want to do. But let me decide whether you should. I don’t want to get scolded by some unknown people anymore”
Realizing that I was meaning the admonishment I received from the gynecologist she smiled with an apologetic look.
Then her usual mischievous smile that I missed all along returned and then she said “I won’t put you in such a situation ever again. But don’t you count my telling you what I want to do. You may not even know that I did”
“OK. I give up” I said raising my hands.
Laughing she held my hand
“Another thing. I want to promise you. Like taking an oath”
“What?” giving her an amused look.
In a sincere tone looking straight into my eyes she said, “I promise. The only relationship I want to have is with you and I will always be faithful to you no matter what. Till I die”
I was touched. To lighten the mood I said, “Too bad. Just when I am thinking of starting an affair behind your back you are telling me this” I kidded
She leaned across the table to hold my face lovingly in her hands, “Just tell me how I can be of help”
“First can we re-establish our relationship as husband and wife? Only then I can really become a cheating husband”
With her eyes gleaming showing her eagerness …
“I am waiting …”
After dinner we both were dashing to the bed like newly married honeymoon couple.
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