15-12-2019, 05:30 PM
(This post was last modified: 11-11-2021, 03:53 AM by hirarandi. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
Main jaanta tha ke sab ke sab bahut besabri se mera intezar kar rahe hoonge, kiunke sab ko maaloom tha ke Pappa aaur sab koi sobah hi America chale jainge phir raat ko main aa kar sab ko apne ghar le jaaoon ga jaha sari raat woh sab Mammi ko choodeinge magar woh yeh nahi jaante the ke maine kia socha hoowa hai. Shahji ki baat soon kar main jaldi se boola. “Aare aare meri baat soonoo, sab program cancel aaur dochaar din taak bhi koi program nahi ban sake ga kiunke Nanijaan, Kabeer aaur Aasma ghar par hain. Woh ab dochaar din rehne ke baad hi jaayein ge. Ab sara program oonke jaane ke baad hi ban sake ga.”
Meri baat soon kar chaaroon ke moohn iss tarah latak gaye jo dekhne ke qabil tha, aaur wahan bilkul khamoshi chagai, akhir Shahji ek gehra saans le kar boola. “sara mood laure lag gaya, iss behan chood teri Nani ko rookne ki kia zaroorat thi, saali randi apne ghar bhi to jaa kar maar sakti thi, aaur saali hai bhi bahut budhi agar thoora jawan hoti to oss randi ko bhi aaj raat patakh kar chood lete phir woh bhi raaste par aa jati.”
“Shahji Nani ke na jaane se Mammi ka mood bhi bahut kharaab ho gaya hai kiunke woho to sooch kar baithi thein ke sab ke jaane ke baad saari raat poori aazadi se khul kar choodai ka maza leingi, khair ab dochaar din intezaar karlo, oonke jaate hi main khabar kar doonga. Yeh kah kar main sab ko dekhta hoowa boola, “Acha ab main chalta hoon.”
“Aabe madhar chood kidhar jaaye ga, ham sab yahan teri Maa ko choodne ke kheyal me doobe lund sehla sehla kar tere aane ka intezaar kar rahe theaaur too ne aa kar sare program ki Maa chood di, ab khare lund ko thanda karne ke liye teri Maa ki choot na sahi teri gand maar kar hi guzara kar lein ge.” Zahid yeh kehta hoowa mere haath ko pakar kar apni taraf khainchne laga.
Main apne haath ko Zahid se choorate hoowe boola, “Nahi aaj nahi main Nani ko 10 minute ka bool kar aaya hoon woh mera intezaar kar rahi hoongi warna tum nahi bhi kehte to main khud gand marwae be-ghair nahi jaata.”
Meri baat soon kar Shahji bool para, “Yaqinan majboori hogi warna yeh gandu to khud gand marwane ka mooqa dhoondta hai issliye isse jane de.”
Shahji ki baat soon kar sab thandi saans le kar rah gaye aaur main wahan se nikal aaya. Wahan se nikal kar aadhe ghante taak main idhar oodhar ghoom kar waqat ko guzara phir ghar ki taraf rawana hogaya. Ghar jaate hoowe main sansanate badan ke saath jazbaat me dooba yahi soochta ja raha tha ke kia main Mammi ko raazi karke chood sakoon ga ya nahi. Inhi kheyaaloon me dooba ghar pahunch gaya aaur ander ghoos kar sab darwaaze ko theek se band kar ke TV lounge ki taraf jane laga jahan Mammi baithi mere wapas aane ka intezaar kar rahi thein.
Lounge me ghuste hi maine dekh liya tha ke Mammi ka glass khaali ho chooka hai woh apna doosra glass bhi khatam kar chookiein thein. Main oonki taraf dekhe be-ghair ja kar sidha oonke barabar baith gayaa aaur kuch boole be-ghair apna bhara hoowa glass ootha kar ek hi saans me ghataghat pi kar khatam kar diya aaur khali glass ko table par rakh kar Mammi ki taraf dekha jo gardan moore hoowe darwaaze ki taraf dekh rahein thein. Main halke se khaansta hoowa boola. “Darwaaze ki taraf kia dekh rahi hain ?”
Meri aawaaz soon kar woh chaunk gayein aaur sar ghooma kar meri taraf dekhte hoowe dhimi aaur thartharati aawaaz me poochein. “Sh..sh..shahji………..????”
Oonki thartharti aawaaz, laal chehra aaur aankhoon me laali dekh kar samajh gaya ke wisky ne meri marzi ke mutabiq apna kaam dekha diya hai, woh nashe me bilkul nahi thein, har baat ko samajh sakti thein har cheez sooch sakti thein. Main chahta to oonko khoob pila kar nashe me bilkul tun kar deta aaur jab dekhta ke woh nashe itna madhoosh ho chooki hain ke ab na to kuch soochne samajhne ke qabil hain aaur na hi hilne joolne ke qabil hain to main oos waqat bare aaraam se oonko chood leta, magar main iss tarah oonko choodna nahi chahta tha kiunke jis choodai ke liye aurat raazi na ho ooske bawajood oose chooda jaye to woh **** ho ga aaur **** ka natija kabhi kabhi bahut bhiyaanak ban jata hai. Jabke main oonka **** nahi karna chahta tha balke oonko raazi karke choodna chahta tha. Oonko choodne ka asli maza oosi waqat aata jab woh khud bolein ke aao mujhe choodoo.
Jo meri kahani ko parh rahe hain oon me se bahut se parhne waale aise bhi hoonge jinhone na to kabhi sharab piya hoga aaur nahi oonhein sharab ke baare me kuch maaloom ho ga ke pine waaloon par sharab apna asaar kaise choorti hai. Main batata hoon, to soonoo, sharab agar ziyada pi liya jaaye to pine wala nashe me itna madhoosh ho jata hai ke oose maaloom hi nahi hota ke woh kia bool raha hai, kia kar raha hai aaur ooske saath kia ho raha hai phir issi halat me woh gehri neend me doob jaata hai. Bahut se log agar poori bottle bhi pi jayein to bhi woh nashe me madhoosh nahi hote aaur bahut se do teen paig pi kar hi oolat jaate hain. Issi sharab ko agar thoora piya jaaye to pine waaloon ke dil o dimaagh par ek aisa sooroor chaa jata hai jis se oose yeh dunya rangeen nazar aane lagti hai aaur oosme soochne samajh ne ki taqaat barh jaati hai, woh har cheez ko samajh sakta hai sooch sakta hai, agar koi writer likhte hoowe thoora thoora pita hai to likhne ke liye ooske dimaagh me naye se naya idea aane lagta hai, agar kisi ke dil aaur dimaagh me sirif sex ho to pite hoowe ooske jazbaat aaur bharakne lagte hain. Thoora pine se jahan yeh sab kaifiyat hoti hai wahien ooska wheel power kamzoor ho jata hai aaur oose kisi bhi baat ke liye raazi karna mushkil nahi hoota hai.
Yahi wajah thi ke maine Mammi ko ziyaada nahi pilaya. Choonke woh pine se pehle aaur pite hoowe sirif aaur sirif aaj raat Shahji ke saath choodai ke baare me hi sooch rahein thein, jab inn sochoon me doobi hoowi thoori si wisky oonke ander gaai to oonke jazbaat aaur bhi bharakne lage. Yahi wajah thi ke main jab oonke barabar baith gaya to woh mujhe dekhne ke bajaye darwaaze ko dekh rahi thein kiunke oonhein to sirif Shahji ka intezaar tha. Mere poochne par sirif Shahji ka naam sharab ke khoomar me halki si larkharati aawaz me liya, main oonki taraf dekhe be-ghair apne liye doosra glass banata hoowa boola, “Shahji nahi hai.”
Mere iss jumle (Sentence) ne jaise Mammi ke dimaagh par bomb ka zabardast dhamaka kar diya ho woh iss tarah boolne lagein jaise oonki samaajh me meri baat nahi aai ho, “Sh…sh…shaji nnnnahi hai, kkia matlab hi tumhara.”
Main oonki taraf dekhta hoowa boola, “Main Shahji ke ghar gaya to ooske ghar me taalaa laga hoowa tha, maine soocha ke shayed oosne aaj sharab nahi piya ho issliye woh chae pine ke liye gaya ho ga, main chae ki dookan par gaya woh wahan bhi nahi tha, phir maine wahien ooske ek jaanne wale se poocha to oosne bataya ke woh apne doostoon ke saath shaam ko Hydarabad kisi ki shaadi me shareek hone ke liye gaya hoowa hai aaur woh kal aayega.”
“Haaaaaa……” Meri baat soon kar Mammi ke moohn se halki si gehre saanns ke saath aawaaz nikli aaur woh sofe ke piche apna sar rakh kar apni aankhein iss tarah band kar lien jaise oonhein neend aa gai ho, main be-ghair kuch boole choopchaap oonki kaifiyat ko dekhta hoowa sharab ke halke halke ghoont lene laga, thori der me woh sidhi ho kar meri taraf dekhne lagein, oonki aankhein laal ho rahi thein, aankhoon ki laali ko dekh kar saaf pata chalta tha ke oonki rag rag me khoon ki jagah jazbaat la laava dahak raha hai aaur yaqinan oonki choot paani choorte hoowe kisi lund ka beqarari se intezaar kar rahi ho gi. Woh meri taraaf dekhte hoowe bhar-rai aaur thartharati aawaz me boolein. “Offfff Sh…Sh…Shahab ab main kia karoon ? Mmmmain pagal ho jaaoon gi.”
Main oonki haalat aaur kaifiyat ko dekh dekh kak dil hi dil me bahut khoosh ho raha tha kiunke har cheez waisa hi ho raha tha jaisa mere kheyaal ke mutabiq hona chahiye tha, oonki baat soon kar main apna glass table par rakha aaur ekdum oonki ek chaati par apna haath rakh kar sehlana aaur halke halke dabane laga aaur boola. “Mujhe aapki haalat ka andaza hai ke poori tayyaari ke baad agar sab programe iss tarah ekdum khatam ho jane se aap par kia beet rahi ho gi. Aap ki be-chaini mujh se dekhi nahi jaa rahi hai, agar shaam ko hi maaloom ho jata ke Shahji aaj nahi aa sake ga to main kisi na kisi tarah kisi ko aap ke liye phansa kar le aata taake aap aaj raat iss tarah taraap taraap kar na guzaarein, magar afsoos raat ziyadah ho gaai hai iss liye kisi ka milna bahut mushkil hai.”
Meri baat soon kar Mammi ne kuch nahi boola sirif ek gehra saans lete hoowe mere oos haath par jis se main oonki chaati ko kapre ke oopar se hi halke halke daba raha tha apna haath rakh kar mere haath ko apni chaati par aaur dabane lagein phir woh iss tarah chaunk kar meri taraf apni laal aankhoon se dekhne lagein jaise koi baat oonke dimaagh me aa ya ho, phir apne hoontoon par zabaan pherte hoowe halki aawaaz me kehne lagein, “Tttum apne doost Karmo ke zariya bhi to aaj raat ke liye koi intezaam kar sakte ho woh to yahi kaam karta hai.”
Meri baat soon kar chaaroon ke moohn iss tarah latak gaye jo dekhne ke qabil tha, aaur wahan bilkul khamoshi chagai, akhir Shahji ek gehra saans le kar boola. “sara mood laure lag gaya, iss behan chood teri Nani ko rookne ki kia zaroorat thi, saali randi apne ghar bhi to jaa kar maar sakti thi, aaur saali hai bhi bahut budhi agar thoora jawan hoti to oss randi ko bhi aaj raat patakh kar chood lete phir woh bhi raaste par aa jati.”
“Shahji Nani ke na jaane se Mammi ka mood bhi bahut kharaab ho gaya hai kiunke woho to sooch kar baithi thein ke sab ke jaane ke baad saari raat poori aazadi se khul kar choodai ka maza leingi, khair ab dochaar din intezaar karlo, oonke jaate hi main khabar kar doonga. Yeh kah kar main sab ko dekhta hoowa boola, “Acha ab main chalta hoon.”
“Aabe madhar chood kidhar jaaye ga, ham sab yahan teri Maa ko choodne ke kheyal me doobe lund sehla sehla kar tere aane ka intezaar kar rahe theaaur too ne aa kar sare program ki Maa chood di, ab khare lund ko thanda karne ke liye teri Maa ki choot na sahi teri gand maar kar hi guzara kar lein ge.” Zahid yeh kehta hoowa mere haath ko pakar kar apni taraf khainchne laga.
Main apne haath ko Zahid se choorate hoowe boola, “Nahi aaj nahi main Nani ko 10 minute ka bool kar aaya hoon woh mera intezaar kar rahi hoongi warna tum nahi bhi kehte to main khud gand marwae be-ghair nahi jaata.”
Meri baat soon kar Shahji bool para, “Yaqinan majboori hogi warna yeh gandu to khud gand marwane ka mooqa dhoondta hai issliye isse jane de.”
Shahji ki baat soon kar sab thandi saans le kar rah gaye aaur main wahan se nikal aaya. Wahan se nikal kar aadhe ghante taak main idhar oodhar ghoom kar waqat ko guzara phir ghar ki taraf rawana hogaya. Ghar jaate hoowe main sansanate badan ke saath jazbaat me dooba yahi soochta ja raha tha ke kia main Mammi ko raazi karke chood sakoon ga ya nahi. Inhi kheyaaloon me dooba ghar pahunch gaya aaur ander ghoos kar sab darwaaze ko theek se band kar ke TV lounge ki taraf jane laga jahan Mammi baithi mere wapas aane ka intezaar kar rahi thein.
Lounge me ghuste hi maine dekh liya tha ke Mammi ka glass khaali ho chooka hai woh apna doosra glass bhi khatam kar chookiein thein. Main oonki taraf dekhe be-ghair ja kar sidha oonke barabar baith gayaa aaur kuch boole be-ghair apna bhara hoowa glass ootha kar ek hi saans me ghataghat pi kar khatam kar diya aaur khali glass ko table par rakh kar Mammi ki taraf dekha jo gardan moore hoowe darwaaze ki taraf dekh rahein thein. Main halke se khaansta hoowa boola. “Darwaaze ki taraf kia dekh rahi hain ?”
Meri aawaaz soon kar woh chaunk gayein aaur sar ghooma kar meri taraf dekhte hoowe dhimi aaur thartharati aawaaz me poochein. “Sh..sh..shahji………..????”
Oonki thartharti aawaaz, laal chehra aaur aankhoon me laali dekh kar samajh gaya ke wisky ne meri marzi ke mutabiq apna kaam dekha diya hai, woh nashe me bilkul nahi thein, har baat ko samajh sakti thein har cheez sooch sakti thein. Main chahta to oonko khoob pila kar nashe me bilkul tun kar deta aaur jab dekhta ke woh nashe itna madhoosh ho chooki hain ke ab na to kuch soochne samajhne ke qabil hain aaur na hi hilne joolne ke qabil hain to main oos waqat bare aaraam se oonko chood leta, magar main iss tarah oonko choodna nahi chahta tha kiunke jis choodai ke liye aurat raazi na ho ooske bawajood oose chooda jaye to woh **** ho ga aaur **** ka natija kabhi kabhi bahut bhiyaanak ban jata hai. Jabke main oonka **** nahi karna chahta tha balke oonko raazi karke choodna chahta tha. Oonko choodne ka asli maza oosi waqat aata jab woh khud bolein ke aao mujhe choodoo.
Jo meri kahani ko parh rahe hain oon me se bahut se parhne waale aise bhi hoonge jinhone na to kabhi sharab piya hoga aaur nahi oonhein sharab ke baare me kuch maaloom ho ga ke pine waaloon par sharab apna asaar kaise choorti hai. Main batata hoon, to soonoo, sharab agar ziyada pi liya jaaye to pine wala nashe me itna madhoosh ho jata hai ke oose maaloom hi nahi hota ke woh kia bool raha hai, kia kar raha hai aaur ooske saath kia ho raha hai phir issi halat me woh gehri neend me doob jaata hai. Bahut se log agar poori bottle bhi pi jayein to bhi woh nashe me madhoosh nahi hote aaur bahut se do teen paig pi kar hi oolat jaate hain. Issi sharab ko agar thoora piya jaaye to pine waaloon ke dil o dimaagh par ek aisa sooroor chaa jata hai jis se oose yeh dunya rangeen nazar aane lagti hai aaur oosme soochne samajh ne ki taqaat barh jaati hai, woh har cheez ko samajh sakta hai sooch sakta hai, agar koi writer likhte hoowe thoora thoora pita hai to likhne ke liye ooske dimaagh me naye se naya idea aane lagta hai, agar kisi ke dil aaur dimaagh me sirif sex ho to pite hoowe ooske jazbaat aaur bharakne lagte hain. Thoora pine se jahan yeh sab kaifiyat hoti hai wahien ooska wheel power kamzoor ho jata hai aaur oose kisi bhi baat ke liye raazi karna mushkil nahi hoota hai.
Yahi wajah thi ke maine Mammi ko ziyaada nahi pilaya. Choonke woh pine se pehle aaur pite hoowe sirif aaur sirif aaj raat Shahji ke saath choodai ke baare me hi sooch rahein thein, jab inn sochoon me doobi hoowi thoori si wisky oonke ander gaai to oonke jazbaat aaur bhi bharakne lage. Yahi wajah thi ke main jab oonke barabar baith gaya to woh mujhe dekhne ke bajaye darwaaze ko dekh rahi thein kiunke oonhein to sirif Shahji ka intezaar tha. Mere poochne par sirif Shahji ka naam sharab ke khoomar me halki si larkharati aawaz me liya, main oonki taraf dekhe be-ghair apne liye doosra glass banata hoowa boola, “Shahji nahi hai.”
Mere iss jumle (Sentence) ne jaise Mammi ke dimaagh par bomb ka zabardast dhamaka kar diya ho woh iss tarah boolne lagein jaise oonki samaajh me meri baat nahi aai ho, “Sh…sh…shaji nnnnahi hai, kkia matlab hi tumhara.”
Main oonki taraf dekhta hoowa boola, “Main Shahji ke ghar gaya to ooske ghar me taalaa laga hoowa tha, maine soocha ke shayed oosne aaj sharab nahi piya ho issliye woh chae pine ke liye gaya ho ga, main chae ki dookan par gaya woh wahan bhi nahi tha, phir maine wahien ooske ek jaanne wale se poocha to oosne bataya ke woh apne doostoon ke saath shaam ko Hydarabad kisi ki shaadi me shareek hone ke liye gaya hoowa hai aaur woh kal aayega.”
“Haaaaaa……” Meri baat soon kar Mammi ke moohn se halki si gehre saanns ke saath aawaaz nikli aaur woh sofe ke piche apna sar rakh kar apni aankhein iss tarah band kar lien jaise oonhein neend aa gai ho, main be-ghair kuch boole choopchaap oonki kaifiyat ko dekhta hoowa sharab ke halke halke ghoont lene laga, thori der me woh sidhi ho kar meri taraf dekhne lagein, oonki aankhein laal ho rahi thein, aankhoon ki laali ko dekh kar saaf pata chalta tha ke oonki rag rag me khoon ki jagah jazbaat la laava dahak raha hai aaur yaqinan oonki choot paani choorte hoowe kisi lund ka beqarari se intezaar kar rahi ho gi. Woh meri taraaf dekhte hoowe bhar-rai aaur thartharati aawaz me boolein. “Offfff Sh…Sh…Shahab ab main kia karoon ? Mmmmain pagal ho jaaoon gi.”
Main oonki haalat aaur kaifiyat ko dekh dekh kak dil hi dil me bahut khoosh ho raha tha kiunke har cheez waisa hi ho raha tha jaisa mere kheyaal ke mutabiq hona chahiye tha, oonki baat soon kar main apna glass table par rakha aaur ekdum oonki ek chaati par apna haath rakh kar sehlana aaur halke halke dabane laga aaur boola. “Mujhe aapki haalat ka andaza hai ke poori tayyaari ke baad agar sab programe iss tarah ekdum khatam ho jane se aap par kia beet rahi ho gi. Aap ki be-chaini mujh se dekhi nahi jaa rahi hai, agar shaam ko hi maaloom ho jata ke Shahji aaj nahi aa sake ga to main kisi na kisi tarah kisi ko aap ke liye phansa kar le aata taake aap aaj raat iss tarah taraap taraap kar na guzaarein, magar afsoos raat ziyadah ho gaai hai iss liye kisi ka milna bahut mushkil hai.”
Meri baat soon kar Mammi ne kuch nahi boola sirif ek gehra saans lete hoowe mere oos haath par jis se main oonki chaati ko kapre ke oopar se hi halke halke daba raha tha apna haath rakh kar mere haath ko apni chaati par aaur dabane lagein phir woh iss tarah chaunk kar meri taraf apni laal aankhoon se dekhne lagein jaise koi baat oonke dimaagh me aa ya ho, phir apne hoontoon par zabaan pherte hoowe halki aawaaz me kehne lagein, “Tttum apne doost Karmo ke zariya bhi to aaj raat ke liye koi intezaam kar sakte ho woh to yahi kaam karta hai.”
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