25-11-2019, 02:50 AM
Aaj taxi ka intezaam ho gaya hai. kal se chalaana shuru kar dunga. Pata nahi kuch ban paaunga ya nahi par ek shuruvaat to kar hi di hai. mere aur ritu ke beech mein bahut saari rukaavte hai.
Sabse pehli rukaavat hai, ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat. Ush nafrat ko dur karna hoga. Koshish kar raha hun. dekhte hain kya hota hai
sabse badi rukaavat hai mera status. Mere paas kuch nahi hai ritu ko dene ko. Mujhe bahut mehnat karni hogi. agar pati ka farz nibhaana hai to mujhe kuch ban-na padega. chalo taxi se start karta hun. jaldi hi mumbai mein paanv jamaane ke baad kuch bada kaam bhi karunga.
Date : 13-02-09
Aaj ritu ke ghar mein ek letter chhod diya hai. maine ushmein ritu ko leekh diya hai ki main ush se shaadi karna chaahta hun. dekhte hai vo ish baat ko kaise leti hai.
Soch raha hun IT field mein kuch seekh lun. Maine delhi mein ish baare mein dhyaan hi nahi diya. varna aaj IT field mein kaam kar raha hota. Computer ke basics to mujhe pata hai, bas high tech skill seekhne ki jaroorat hai. roj 1-2 ghanta nikaal kar ye kaam bhi kar sakta hun. vakt kam hai. mujhe jald se jald ritu ke laayak ban-na hai. vo assisstant manager hai aur mai taxi driver vo bhala kaise mujh se shaadi ke baare mein sochegi. Philhaal to bas pyar ka hi sahaara hai. shaayad ushe meri aankho mein pyar nazar aa jaaye. Par phir bhi mujhe jald se jald kuch ban-na hoga. Baat ritu ki hi nahi hai. hamaara ek bacha bhi hai, chintoo. Mai chintoo ko bahut pyar dunga. Soch raha hun ki, bas chintoo ko hi rakhenge. Aur bacho ki kya jaroorat hai. hum dono ke liye ek bacha kaafi hai.
Date : 8-03-09
Kuch banta nazar nahi aa raha. ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat jyon ki tyon hai. aaj mandir ke baahar ritu ne kuch aisa kah diya ki dil tut kar beekhar gaya hai. Ek ek tukda kaha jaa kar gira hai, pata nahi.
Par main ritu se bilkul naraaz nahin hun. apni jeendagi se bhala koyi naraaz hota hai. ushe mujhe kuch bhi kahne ka haq hai. vo meri jaan jo hai. par lagta hai mujhe apni jeendagi se dur rahna padega. main ritu ko aur jyada pareshaan nahi kar sakta. aise pyar ka kya faayda jo kishi ko pareshaan kare.
Vaise bhi itni jaldi mai kaha kuch ban paata. Aur phir ye status aur class ka chakkar to abhi baaki hai. mai jaanbujh kar haari huyi baaji khel raha tha. kal delhi jaane ki ticket book kara li hai. dukhi man se mujhe yaha se ab jaana hi hoga.
Vaise bhi na ritu se baat hoti hai. baat karne jaata hun to vo pareshaan hoti hai. ab letter daalna bhi ushne band karva rakha hai. main kaise ushka dil jeetunga. Mujhe yaha se chale jaana chaahiye.
Mere paapo ki yahi saja hai ki mai apne pyar ke liye tadap tadap kar marun……..
……………
billu ki diary padhte padhte meri aankhe nam ho gayi. ushka har ek shabd maano mere dil tak pahunch raha tha aur puch raha tha, “ritu do you love me”
maine diary ko maathe se laga liya. ush mein vo pyar tha, jo maine ab tak apni jeendagi mein nahi dekha tha.
tabhi meri nazar gift pack par gayi aur main ushe kholne lagi.
ushmein ek laal rang ki saree thi. jaise kishi dulhan ke liye ho. Diary mein ushke baare mein kuch nahi leekha tha. par main jaanti hun ki vo ye saree mere liye hi laaya hoga. Maine ush saree ko gale se laga liya.
maine bhagvaan se pucha, “hey bhagvaan agar aapko mujhe aur billu ko pyar ke bandhan mein baandhna tha to hamein itne lambe raste se kyon ghumaaya. Aur ab jab ye pyar ka phool khil gaya hai to ab billu kaha hai” ???
ye kuch aise sawaal the jinka mere paas koyi jawaab nahi hai aur shaayad na hi kabhi honge.
Date : 22-06-09
Aaj pure 3 mahine ho gaye kavita ki laash ko mile. Ushka antim sanskaar bhi ho chuka hai, par billu ka kuch nahi pata. Peechle hafte main khud kavita ke antim sanskaar mein shaamil hone ke liye delhi gayi thi. bahut wait kiya billu ka par aakhir mein thak haar kar kavita ka antim sanskaar karna hi pada.
Faridabad ja kar main jail mein sanjay se bhi milkar aayi hun.
Maine pucha, “billu kaha hai sanjay”
“Ushke hazaar tukde karke maine mumbai ke naalon mein baha diye hai, jao jaa kar chun lo, kuttiya kahin ki..hehehe..” —– sanjay ne hanste huve kaha.
Ishke alaawa main sanjay se kuch aur baat nahi kar paayi. Maine paap kiya tha to mujhe ahsaash tha ki maine galat kiya par sanjay ko apni galti ka koyi afsosh nahi hai. yahi shaayad hamaare samaaj ki sabse badi kamzori hai. aadmi hazaar paap karke bhi sheena choda karke ghum sakta hai, par aurat ki ek galti bhi ush par bahut bhaari padti hai aur shaari umar ushe nazre jhuka kar chalna padta hai.
Aaj mai ummeed kho chuki hun.
Ek pyar ka phool jo bas kheelne hi laga tha, murjha gaya. billu ke saath meri jo ek hansin jeendagi ho sakti thi, hone se pehle hi kho gayi. mujhe billu ko ye kahne ka moka bhi nahi mila ki “I love you too”.
Jab vo shaamne tha to main har pal ushe koshti rahti thi. aaj jab vo paas nahi hai to main ushke liye taras rahin hun. kaash vo kahin se aa jaaye to main apna dil ushke aage chir kar rakh dungi aur kahungi ki dekho tumhaara pyar kaha tak pahunch gaya hai. Main ushe kahungi ki tum vaakayi mein mere sharir se meri aatma tak pahunch gaye ho. Par ab kya ho sakta hai. ye baate ab bas sochi ja sakti hain. Jishe ye sab kahna tha, vo to na jaane kahan hai. ish diniya mein hai bhi ya nahi, ye bhi nahi pata.
Pata nahi ish sab ke liye kaun zimmedaar hai. bahut hi ajeeb khel khela hai ish jeendagi ne mere saath.
“Pyar kya hai mujhe nahi pata. Mujhe bas itna pata hai ki meri nazre ush inshaan ko dhund rahin hai, jishne mujhe barbaad kiya tha. kaash vo kahin se phir se aa jaaye aur main dil khol kar ushe kah sakun ki maine tumhe maaf kar diya, please ab mere paas raho aur ush pyar ke ahsaash mein mujhe dubo do jishmein tum khud dube huve ho”
Love is very special feeling. It happened to me in a very strange situation. But I welcome this gift of god in my life. I will cherish this love through out my life.
Ab shaayad billu ish duniya mein nahi hai, par kya huva ushka pyar hamesha mere saath rahega.
Hey bhagvaan billu ko maaf karna, for I have forgiven him. He is now my love. vo jahan bhi ho Ushka khyaal rakhna.
Aaj ye diary yahin band kar rahin hun. ab kuch aur leekhne ki himmat nahin hai aur vaise bhi kuch aur leekhne ko bacha bhi nahi hai.
——————
Date : 9-08-09
Aaj ye diary padhi. padh kar meri aankhe nam ho gayi hain.
Ritu ne mujh se ye diary chupa kar rakhi thi. aaj se main ishmein leekhna shuru kar raha hun.
“jatin ushe mat padhna tumhe dukh hoga aur main apne pati ko dukh nahi dena chaahti, vaise tumhe sab kuch pata hi hai” —– ritu ne mujh se kaha
main samajh sakta hun ki vo kyon nahi chaahti thi ki main ye diary na padhun.
shaadi se pehle ritu ne kaha tha, “jatin mujhe ek moka dena. Tumhaare liye main kuch bhi karungi. Mujhe nahi pata ki main ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi ya nahi par jab baat tumhaari hai to main kuch bhi kar jaaungi. I love you”
jab se ritu se shaadi huyi hai jeendagi khil uthi hai. hamaari shaadi ko lagbagh ek mahina ho gaya hai. par hum abhi normal husband wife ki tarah karib nahi aa paaye hain. Ritu puraani baate nahi bhula paayi hai. haan mujh se pyar bahut karti hai
abhi thodi der pehle baathroom se naha kar nikli to sharmaate huve bhaag kar bedroom mein ghuss gayi. vo hamesha concious rahti hai ki main ushe dekh raha hun.
par jab vo bathroom se nikli thi to maine khud apni nazre ghuma li thi. main ushe pura time de raha hun. mujhe ushka sharir paane ki koyi jaldi nahin hai.
vaise bhi ye jism ki baat nahi hai balki ushke dil tak pahunchna hai, lambi duri taiy karne mein vakt to lagta hai. ye Jagjit Singh ki gazal bilkul meri situation par bani lagti hai.
jo bhi ho ritu ke saath ek chhat ke neeche rahne ka bahut pyara ahsaash hai. she is very beautiful women. Lets see how our marriage life moves forward. Looking forwad for a day when I will have her in my arms and I will say to her while looking into her eyes “ritu you are the most beautiful women and I am proud to have you in my life”
lekin abhi vo sharmaati itna hai ki dur dur rahti hai. dekhte hai kab tak mere pyar se dur rahegi.
Date : 9-08-09
3:00 pm
Aaj Sunday hai aur hum dono ghar par hi hain. Abhi abhi lunch kiya hai. ritu bahut acha khaana banaati hai. dar lagta hai ki kahin main kha kha kar mota na ho jaaun. Par vo itne pyar se daal daal kar deti hai ki main khaata chala jaata hun.
Aaj ritu ne bahut saare item banaaye the, jishke kaaran bahut thak gayi thi, ishliye bedroom mein jaa kar sho gayi. mujhe kah rahi thi ki bas yu hi late rahin hun. par abhi maine dekha to paya ki vo shoyi huyi hai.
pehli baar aaj ushe shote huve dekha hai. nahi to vo raat ko to alag shoti hi hai, dopahar ko bhi apne bedroom ki kundi laga kar shoti hai. aaj galti se kundi khuli rah gayi shaayad, kyonki ushe pata hi nahi hoga ki neend aa jaayegi
Jo bhi hai mujhe ushe shote huve dekhna bahut acha lag raha hai. bilkul ek maasum bache ki tarah paanv sikod kar sho rahi hai. ushe bilkul hosh nahi hai ki main ushke saamne baitha hun varna abhi uth jaati. main chupchaap ushke saamne kursi par baith kar ye diary leekh raha hun. ushke karib hone ka bahut pyara ahsaash ho raha hai mujhe
Mujhe bilkul nahi pata ki pyar kya hai. mere liye ish shabd ko define karna bahut mushkil kaam hai. meri jeendagi mein ye bahut ajeeb haalaat mein aaya hai. haan log kahte hain ki pyar ka dushra naam bhagvaan hai. pata nahi ki log ish baat par vishwaas karte hai ya nahi, haan par mujhe pura yakin hai ki bhagvaan ka dushra naam ritu hai. vahi mera sab kuch hai, vahi mere liye bhagvaan hai aur hamesha rahegi.
8 march ko mumbai se bahut dukhi man se gaya tha. pata nahi tha ki vaapis aaunga ya nahi. mujhe lagne laga tha ki main bevajah ritu par apna pyar thop raha hun. pehle ush par apni havash thopi thi ab pyar bhi thopunga to pyar aur havash mein kya anter rah jaayega.
Mumbai vaapis aane ka socha nahi tha, par ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye main phir se mumbai kheencha chala aaya. 28 june ko shaam ke koyi 5 baje main mumbai pahunch gaya.
mumbai mein paanv rakhte hi mere tan badan mein ek ajeeb si bechaini hone lagi. jald se jald ritu ko dekhna chaahta tha. par main dubaara ritu ko koyi pareshaani bhi nahi dena chaahta tha. ishliye soch raha tha ki kaise ushe bina pareshaan kiye ek baar dekha jaaye.
Main ritu ke ghar ke saamne pahunch gaya. Thodi der tak ritu ki khidki ko dekhta raha. dil bas ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye taras raha tha. main soch raha tha ki pata nahi kaisi hogi meri ritu. ek ghanta ho gaya. Ritu khidki mein nahi aayi. Maine socha chalo gate way of India par ghum aata hun. baad mein try karunga. kya pata vo kahin gayi huyi ho.
Main gate way of India pahunch kar ushi jagah khada ho gaya jahaan main ritu ke gale lag kar behosh huva tha.
ush pal ko main kabhi nahi bhula paaya. balki vo ahsaash abhi tak mere saath hai. ritu se shaadi ho chuki hai, par abhi tak hum gale bhi nahi mile hain. Bahut saare kaaran hain ish baat ke.
Khair main ushi ahsaash ko dubaara paana chaahta tha, ishliye vaha jhuk kar maine ush jamin ko chum liya jahaan ritu khadi huyi thi.
jee haan, pyar aapse bahut kuch ajeeb karva deta hai. sabhi log dekh rahe the ki main kya kar raha hun. par mujhe logo se koyi matlab nahi tha. mujhe to ush ahsaash ko dubaara jeena tha. aur phir main khada ho kar samunder ki taraf ghum kar bilkul vaise hi khada ho gaya jaise ush din khada tha. bilkul ushi din ki tarah main samunder ko dekhte dekhte ushki vishaalta mein kho gaya.
Vakt jaise khud ko dohra raha tha. mujhe bilkul yakin nahi tha ki bhagvaan mujhe ritu se bilkul ushi din ki tarah milvaayenge.
Main to samunder mein kho chuka tha, achaanak mujhe mere peeche se awaaj aayi
“Tum khud ko samajhte kya ho, billu”
main jhat se ghum gaya aur maine jo dekha ush par vishwaas karna mushkil tha.
ritu ek chote bache ki tarah aankho mein aanshu ley kar mere saamne khadi thi. aisa lag raha tha jaise ki kishi bache ka khilona kho gaya ho aur vo ushke liye ro raha ho.
Main itna hairaan tha ki kuch nahi kah paaya bas aankhe phaad kar ritu ko dekhta raha.
“Kahaan chale gaye the tum” —- ritu ne rote huve pucha.
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun. Maine kabhi ritu ko aisi haalat mein nahi dekha tha
Maine ritu ke kandhe ki aur haath badhaaya aur kaha, “ritu please chup ho jao”
Phir kuch ish tareeke se ritu ne apne pyar ka izhaar kiya ki meri aankhe bhar aayi.
“Mujhe chune ki koshish bhi mat karna, tumhe pyar karne ka ye matlab nahi hai ki tum mere sharir se kheloge” ritu ne kaha… aur kah kar peeche ki aur hat gayi.
“nahin ritu tum mujhe galat samajh rahi ho, main tumhaare sharir ka bhuka nahin hun, vo billu jo tumhaare sharir ka bhuka tha kab ka mar chuka hai, aaj tumhaare saamne jo khada hai vo jatin hai. main to bas tumhe chup karaane ki koshish kar raha tha. dekho chup ho jao, log hamein hi dekh rahe hain” — maine bhaavuk ho kar kaha.
“Tum mere flat ke saamne se mujh se miley bina nikal gaye, tumhe sharam nahi aayi, kaisa pyar hai tumhaara” — ritu ne kaha.
“Nahin ritu aisi baat nahi hai, main to tumhaare ghar ke saamne ek ghanta khada raha tha. tum khidki mein nahi deekhi to thodi der yaha ghumne chala aaya. Ush din ki yaad taaja kar raha tha jish din tumne mujhe gale lagaaya tha. main abhi thodi der mein vaapis aane wala tha” —- maine ritu ki aankho mein dekh kar kaha.
“Sach bol rahe ho” — ritu ne apni aankho se aanshu punchte huve kaha.
Ritu ke chehre par pyari si maasumiyat thi
“Haan ritu main yaha tumhaare liye hi to aaya hun, varna yaha mera aur kaun hai” — maine kaha.
Ritu thodi shaant huyi aur boli, “main jab khidki mein aayi to tumhe bas jaate huve dekha. Tumhe nahi pata ki mere dil par kya beeti, bhaag kar aayi hun main yaha”
“Ritu mujhe yakin nahi tha ki tum mujhe itne pyar se milogi, main to bas tumhe ek baar dekhne aaya tha, do you love me” ? —– maine pucha.
“Billu pehle tum ye bataao ki tum the kahaan, kavita ko dekhne bhi nahi aaye, kya meri baat itni buri lag gayi thi. mera to chalo kuch nahi par kavita ?? kaise bhul gaye apni didi ko tum. Tumhaara bahut intzar kiya,tum nahi aaye to tumhaare bina hi kavita ka antim sanskaar karna pada. Kyon kiya ye sab ?” —– ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar pucha.
“Ritu sab kuch bataata hun, par mujhe billu mat kaho. billu ab mar chuka hai. Mera naam jatin hai. sharam aati hai mujhe tumhaare muh se billu shun kar. Tum meri baat samajh sakti ho… hain na” — maine kaha.
“Mujhe pata hai tumhaara naam jatin hai, maine tumhaari puri inquary karva rakhi hai, acha naam hai. tumhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai, jatin means sage or muni. Par tum to kuch aur hi ho” —- ritu ne kaha
“mujhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai ritu, aur ish naam ke gun bachpan se mere ander hain” — maine kaha.
“Acha chalo chhodo, mujhe ab ye bataao ki tum kaun si duniya mein chale gaye the ki apni didi ko bhi dekhne nahi aaye” — ritu ne gambhir ho kar kaha.
“Theek hai ritu tumhe aaj sab kuch bataaunga, ye bhi bataaunga ki main kahaan tha aur apni jeendagi ke baare mein bhi bataaunga, chalo kishi restaurant mein chalte hain, baat lambi hai, yahaan khade khade thak jaayenge” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai main shun-na chaahti hun billu….mm matlab jatin…… sorry aage se tumhe bas jatin hi kahungi, lekin yahin baat karenge, restaurant jaane mein vakt lagega, main aur intezaar nahi kar sakti” — ritu ne kaha.
“pehli baar meri jaan itne pyar se mili hai, restaurant to tumhe ley jaana hi padega, chalo na please araam se baat karenge” — maine kaha
“kya main tumhaari jaan hun jatin” — ritu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha.
“Haan ritu, you are my life, infact you are my god, tabhi to main aaj phir yahaan kheencha chala aaya, aur bhagvaan ka chamatkaar dekho aaj tum mere shaamne aankho mein pyar ley kar khadi ho. We are in love, hain na ritu” —- maine kaha
“tum mujhe pehle ye bataao ki kahaan the tum? , baaki ki baate baad mein karenge. Thodi der khade rah kar thak nahi jaayenge, jaldi bataao, kahan the” —- ritu ne kaha.
Maine phir ritu ko restaurant ke liye insist nahi kiya. Hum dono vahin divaar ke saath ek dushre ki aur muh karke khade ho gaye.
“Ritu mai 8 march ko bahut dukhi man se tumhaare ghar se chala tha. agle din ki delhi ki ticket book karva rakhi thi. par kishmat ko kuch aur hi manjoor tha. main delhi jaane ki bajaaye pune pahunch gaya” —- maine kaha
“pune !! pune kya karne gaye the” —- ritu ne pucha
Sabse pehli rukaavat hai, ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat. Ush nafrat ko dur karna hoga. Koshish kar raha hun. dekhte hain kya hota hai
sabse badi rukaavat hai mera status. Mere paas kuch nahi hai ritu ko dene ko. Mujhe bahut mehnat karni hogi. agar pati ka farz nibhaana hai to mujhe kuch ban-na padega. chalo taxi se start karta hun. jaldi hi mumbai mein paanv jamaane ke baad kuch bada kaam bhi karunga.
Date : 13-02-09
Aaj ritu ke ghar mein ek letter chhod diya hai. maine ushmein ritu ko leekh diya hai ki main ush se shaadi karna chaahta hun. dekhte hai vo ish baat ko kaise leti hai.
Soch raha hun IT field mein kuch seekh lun. Maine delhi mein ish baare mein dhyaan hi nahi diya. varna aaj IT field mein kaam kar raha hota. Computer ke basics to mujhe pata hai, bas high tech skill seekhne ki jaroorat hai. roj 1-2 ghanta nikaal kar ye kaam bhi kar sakta hun. vakt kam hai. mujhe jald se jald ritu ke laayak ban-na hai. vo assisstant manager hai aur mai taxi driver vo bhala kaise mujh se shaadi ke baare mein sochegi. Philhaal to bas pyar ka hi sahaara hai. shaayad ushe meri aankho mein pyar nazar aa jaaye. Par phir bhi mujhe jald se jald kuch ban-na hoga. Baat ritu ki hi nahi hai. hamaara ek bacha bhi hai, chintoo. Mai chintoo ko bahut pyar dunga. Soch raha hun ki, bas chintoo ko hi rakhenge. Aur bacho ki kya jaroorat hai. hum dono ke liye ek bacha kaafi hai.
Date : 8-03-09
Kuch banta nazar nahi aa raha. ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat jyon ki tyon hai. aaj mandir ke baahar ritu ne kuch aisa kah diya ki dil tut kar beekhar gaya hai. Ek ek tukda kaha jaa kar gira hai, pata nahi.
Par main ritu se bilkul naraaz nahin hun. apni jeendagi se bhala koyi naraaz hota hai. ushe mujhe kuch bhi kahne ka haq hai. vo meri jaan jo hai. par lagta hai mujhe apni jeendagi se dur rahna padega. main ritu ko aur jyada pareshaan nahi kar sakta. aise pyar ka kya faayda jo kishi ko pareshaan kare.
Vaise bhi itni jaldi mai kaha kuch ban paata. Aur phir ye status aur class ka chakkar to abhi baaki hai. mai jaanbujh kar haari huyi baaji khel raha tha. kal delhi jaane ki ticket book kara li hai. dukhi man se mujhe yaha se ab jaana hi hoga.
Vaise bhi na ritu se baat hoti hai. baat karne jaata hun to vo pareshaan hoti hai. ab letter daalna bhi ushne band karva rakha hai. main kaise ushka dil jeetunga. Mujhe yaha se chale jaana chaahiye.
Mere paapo ki yahi saja hai ki mai apne pyar ke liye tadap tadap kar marun……..
……………
billu ki diary padhte padhte meri aankhe nam ho gayi. ushka har ek shabd maano mere dil tak pahunch raha tha aur puch raha tha, “ritu do you love me”
maine diary ko maathe se laga liya. ush mein vo pyar tha, jo maine ab tak apni jeendagi mein nahi dekha tha.
tabhi meri nazar gift pack par gayi aur main ushe kholne lagi.
ushmein ek laal rang ki saree thi. jaise kishi dulhan ke liye ho. Diary mein ushke baare mein kuch nahi leekha tha. par main jaanti hun ki vo ye saree mere liye hi laaya hoga. Maine ush saree ko gale se laga liya.
maine bhagvaan se pucha, “hey bhagvaan agar aapko mujhe aur billu ko pyar ke bandhan mein baandhna tha to hamein itne lambe raste se kyon ghumaaya. Aur ab jab ye pyar ka phool khil gaya hai to ab billu kaha hai” ???
ye kuch aise sawaal the jinka mere paas koyi jawaab nahi hai aur shaayad na hi kabhi honge.
Date : 22-06-09
Aaj pure 3 mahine ho gaye kavita ki laash ko mile. Ushka antim sanskaar bhi ho chuka hai, par billu ka kuch nahi pata. Peechle hafte main khud kavita ke antim sanskaar mein shaamil hone ke liye delhi gayi thi. bahut wait kiya billu ka par aakhir mein thak haar kar kavita ka antim sanskaar karna hi pada.
Faridabad ja kar main jail mein sanjay se bhi milkar aayi hun.
Maine pucha, “billu kaha hai sanjay”
“Ushke hazaar tukde karke maine mumbai ke naalon mein baha diye hai, jao jaa kar chun lo, kuttiya kahin ki..hehehe..” —– sanjay ne hanste huve kaha.
Ishke alaawa main sanjay se kuch aur baat nahi kar paayi. Maine paap kiya tha to mujhe ahsaash tha ki maine galat kiya par sanjay ko apni galti ka koyi afsosh nahi hai. yahi shaayad hamaare samaaj ki sabse badi kamzori hai. aadmi hazaar paap karke bhi sheena choda karke ghum sakta hai, par aurat ki ek galti bhi ush par bahut bhaari padti hai aur shaari umar ushe nazre jhuka kar chalna padta hai.
Aaj mai ummeed kho chuki hun.
Ek pyar ka phool jo bas kheelne hi laga tha, murjha gaya. billu ke saath meri jo ek hansin jeendagi ho sakti thi, hone se pehle hi kho gayi. mujhe billu ko ye kahne ka moka bhi nahi mila ki “I love you too”.
Jab vo shaamne tha to main har pal ushe koshti rahti thi. aaj jab vo paas nahi hai to main ushke liye taras rahin hun. kaash vo kahin se aa jaaye to main apna dil ushke aage chir kar rakh dungi aur kahungi ki dekho tumhaara pyar kaha tak pahunch gaya hai. Main ushe kahungi ki tum vaakayi mein mere sharir se meri aatma tak pahunch gaye ho. Par ab kya ho sakta hai. ye baate ab bas sochi ja sakti hain. Jishe ye sab kahna tha, vo to na jaane kahan hai. ish diniya mein hai bhi ya nahi, ye bhi nahi pata.
Pata nahi ish sab ke liye kaun zimmedaar hai. bahut hi ajeeb khel khela hai ish jeendagi ne mere saath.
“Pyar kya hai mujhe nahi pata. Mujhe bas itna pata hai ki meri nazre ush inshaan ko dhund rahin hai, jishne mujhe barbaad kiya tha. kaash vo kahin se phir se aa jaaye aur main dil khol kar ushe kah sakun ki maine tumhe maaf kar diya, please ab mere paas raho aur ush pyar ke ahsaash mein mujhe dubo do jishmein tum khud dube huve ho”
Love is very special feeling. It happened to me in a very strange situation. But I welcome this gift of god in my life. I will cherish this love through out my life.
Ab shaayad billu ish duniya mein nahi hai, par kya huva ushka pyar hamesha mere saath rahega.
Hey bhagvaan billu ko maaf karna, for I have forgiven him. He is now my love. vo jahan bhi ho Ushka khyaal rakhna.
Aaj ye diary yahin band kar rahin hun. ab kuch aur leekhne ki himmat nahin hai aur vaise bhi kuch aur leekhne ko bacha bhi nahi hai.
——————
Date : 9-08-09
Aaj ye diary padhi. padh kar meri aankhe nam ho gayi hain.
Ritu ne mujh se ye diary chupa kar rakhi thi. aaj se main ishmein leekhna shuru kar raha hun.
“jatin ushe mat padhna tumhe dukh hoga aur main apne pati ko dukh nahi dena chaahti, vaise tumhe sab kuch pata hi hai” —– ritu ne mujh se kaha
main samajh sakta hun ki vo kyon nahi chaahti thi ki main ye diary na padhun.
shaadi se pehle ritu ne kaha tha, “jatin mujhe ek moka dena. Tumhaare liye main kuch bhi karungi. Mujhe nahi pata ki main ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi ya nahi par jab baat tumhaari hai to main kuch bhi kar jaaungi. I love you”
jab se ritu se shaadi huyi hai jeendagi khil uthi hai. hamaari shaadi ko lagbagh ek mahina ho gaya hai. par hum abhi normal husband wife ki tarah karib nahi aa paaye hain. Ritu puraani baate nahi bhula paayi hai. haan mujh se pyar bahut karti hai
abhi thodi der pehle baathroom se naha kar nikli to sharmaate huve bhaag kar bedroom mein ghuss gayi. vo hamesha concious rahti hai ki main ushe dekh raha hun.
par jab vo bathroom se nikli thi to maine khud apni nazre ghuma li thi. main ushe pura time de raha hun. mujhe ushka sharir paane ki koyi jaldi nahin hai.
vaise bhi ye jism ki baat nahi hai balki ushke dil tak pahunchna hai, lambi duri taiy karne mein vakt to lagta hai. ye Jagjit Singh ki gazal bilkul meri situation par bani lagti hai.
jo bhi ho ritu ke saath ek chhat ke neeche rahne ka bahut pyara ahsaash hai. she is very beautiful women. Lets see how our marriage life moves forward. Looking forwad for a day when I will have her in my arms and I will say to her while looking into her eyes “ritu you are the most beautiful women and I am proud to have you in my life”
lekin abhi vo sharmaati itna hai ki dur dur rahti hai. dekhte hai kab tak mere pyar se dur rahegi.
Date : 9-08-09
3:00 pm
Aaj Sunday hai aur hum dono ghar par hi hain. Abhi abhi lunch kiya hai. ritu bahut acha khaana banaati hai. dar lagta hai ki kahin main kha kha kar mota na ho jaaun. Par vo itne pyar se daal daal kar deti hai ki main khaata chala jaata hun.
Aaj ritu ne bahut saare item banaaye the, jishke kaaran bahut thak gayi thi, ishliye bedroom mein jaa kar sho gayi. mujhe kah rahi thi ki bas yu hi late rahin hun. par abhi maine dekha to paya ki vo shoyi huyi hai.
pehli baar aaj ushe shote huve dekha hai. nahi to vo raat ko to alag shoti hi hai, dopahar ko bhi apne bedroom ki kundi laga kar shoti hai. aaj galti se kundi khuli rah gayi shaayad, kyonki ushe pata hi nahi hoga ki neend aa jaayegi
Jo bhi hai mujhe ushe shote huve dekhna bahut acha lag raha hai. bilkul ek maasum bache ki tarah paanv sikod kar sho rahi hai. ushe bilkul hosh nahi hai ki main ushke saamne baitha hun varna abhi uth jaati. main chupchaap ushke saamne kursi par baith kar ye diary leekh raha hun. ushke karib hone ka bahut pyara ahsaash ho raha hai mujhe
Mujhe bilkul nahi pata ki pyar kya hai. mere liye ish shabd ko define karna bahut mushkil kaam hai. meri jeendagi mein ye bahut ajeeb haalaat mein aaya hai. haan log kahte hain ki pyar ka dushra naam bhagvaan hai. pata nahi ki log ish baat par vishwaas karte hai ya nahi, haan par mujhe pura yakin hai ki bhagvaan ka dushra naam ritu hai. vahi mera sab kuch hai, vahi mere liye bhagvaan hai aur hamesha rahegi.
8 march ko mumbai se bahut dukhi man se gaya tha. pata nahi tha ki vaapis aaunga ya nahi. mujhe lagne laga tha ki main bevajah ritu par apna pyar thop raha hun. pehle ush par apni havash thopi thi ab pyar bhi thopunga to pyar aur havash mein kya anter rah jaayega.
Mumbai vaapis aane ka socha nahi tha, par ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye main phir se mumbai kheencha chala aaya. 28 june ko shaam ke koyi 5 baje main mumbai pahunch gaya.
mumbai mein paanv rakhte hi mere tan badan mein ek ajeeb si bechaini hone lagi. jald se jald ritu ko dekhna chaahta tha. par main dubaara ritu ko koyi pareshaani bhi nahi dena chaahta tha. ishliye soch raha tha ki kaise ushe bina pareshaan kiye ek baar dekha jaaye.
Main ritu ke ghar ke saamne pahunch gaya. Thodi der tak ritu ki khidki ko dekhta raha. dil bas ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye taras raha tha. main soch raha tha ki pata nahi kaisi hogi meri ritu. ek ghanta ho gaya. Ritu khidki mein nahi aayi. Maine socha chalo gate way of India par ghum aata hun. baad mein try karunga. kya pata vo kahin gayi huyi ho.
Main gate way of India pahunch kar ushi jagah khada ho gaya jahaan main ritu ke gale lag kar behosh huva tha.
ush pal ko main kabhi nahi bhula paaya. balki vo ahsaash abhi tak mere saath hai. ritu se shaadi ho chuki hai, par abhi tak hum gale bhi nahi mile hain. Bahut saare kaaran hain ish baat ke.
Khair main ushi ahsaash ko dubaara paana chaahta tha, ishliye vaha jhuk kar maine ush jamin ko chum liya jahaan ritu khadi huyi thi.
jee haan, pyar aapse bahut kuch ajeeb karva deta hai. sabhi log dekh rahe the ki main kya kar raha hun. par mujhe logo se koyi matlab nahi tha. mujhe to ush ahsaash ko dubaara jeena tha. aur phir main khada ho kar samunder ki taraf ghum kar bilkul vaise hi khada ho gaya jaise ush din khada tha. bilkul ushi din ki tarah main samunder ko dekhte dekhte ushki vishaalta mein kho gaya.
Vakt jaise khud ko dohra raha tha. mujhe bilkul yakin nahi tha ki bhagvaan mujhe ritu se bilkul ushi din ki tarah milvaayenge.
Main to samunder mein kho chuka tha, achaanak mujhe mere peeche se awaaj aayi
“Tum khud ko samajhte kya ho, billu”
main jhat se ghum gaya aur maine jo dekha ush par vishwaas karna mushkil tha.
ritu ek chote bache ki tarah aankho mein aanshu ley kar mere saamne khadi thi. aisa lag raha tha jaise ki kishi bache ka khilona kho gaya ho aur vo ushke liye ro raha ho.
Main itna hairaan tha ki kuch nahi kah paaya bas aankhe phaad kar ritu ko dekhta raha.
“Kahaan chale gaye the tum” —- ritu ne rote huve pucha.
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun. Maine kabhi ritu ko aisi haalat mein nahi dekha tha
Maine ritu ke kandhe ki aur haath badhaaya aur kaha, “ritu please chup ho jao”
Phir kuch ish tareeke se ritu ne apne pyar ka izhaar kiya ki meri aankhe bhar aayi.
“Mujhe chune ki koshish bhi mat karna, tumhe pyar karne ka ye matlab nahi hai ki tum mere sharir se kheloge” ritu ne kaha… aur kah kar peeche ki aur hat gayi.
“nahin ritu tum mujhe galat samajh rahi ho, main tumhaare sharir ka bhuka nahin hun, vo billu jo tumhaare sharir ka bhuka tha kab ka mar chuka hai, aaj tumhaare saamne jo khada hai vo jatin hai. main to bas tumhe chup karaane ki koshish kar raha tha. dekho chup ho jao, log hamein hi dekh rahe hain” — maine bhaavuk ho kar kaha.
“Tum mere flat ke saamne se mujh se miley bina nikal gaye, tumhe sharam nahi aayi, kaisa pyar hai tumhaara” — ritu ne kaha.
“Nahin ritu aisi baat nahi hai, main to tumhaare ghar ke saamne ek ghanta khada raha tha. tum khidki mein nahi deekhi to thodi der yaha ghumne chala aaya. Ush din ki yaad taaja kar raha tha jish din tumne mujhe gale lagaaya tha. main abhi thodi der mein vaapis aane wala tha” —- maine ritu ki aankho mein dekh kar kaha.
“Sach bol rahe ho” — ritu ne apni aankho se aanshu punchte huve kaha.
Ritu ke chehre par pyari si maasumiyat thi
“Haan ritu main yaha tumhaare liye hi to aaya hun, varna yaha mera aur kaun hai” — maine kaha.
Ritu thodi shaant huyi aur boli, “main jab khidki mein aayi to tumhe bas jaate huve dekha. Tumhe nahi pata ki mere dil par kya beeti, bhaag kar aayi hun main yaha”
“Ritu mujhe yakin nahi tha ki tum mujhe itne pyar se milogi, main to bas tumhe ek baar dekhne aaya tha, do you love me” ? —– maine pucha.
“Billu pehle tum ye bataao ki tum the kahaan, kavita ko dekhne bhi nahi aaye, kya meri baat itni buri lag gayi thi. mera to chalo kuch nahi par kavita ?? kaise bhul gaye apni didi ko tum. Tumhaara bahut intzar kiya,tum nahi aaye to tumhaare bina hi kavita ka antim sanskaar karna pada. Kyon kiya ye sab ?” —– ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar pucha.
“Ritu sab kuch bataata hun, par mujhe billu mat kaho. billu ab mar chuka hai. Mera naam jatin hai. sharam aati hai mujhe tumhaare muh se billu shun kar. Tum meri baat samajh sakti ho… hain na” — maine kaha.
“Mujhe pata hai tumhaara naam jatin hai, maine tumhaari puri inquary karva rakhi hai, acha naam hai. tumhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai, jatin means sage or muni. Par tum to kuch aur hi ho” —- ritu ne kaha
“mujhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai ritu, aur ish naam ke gun bachpan se mere ander hain” — maine kaha.
“Acha chalo chhodo, mujhe ab ye bataao ki tum kaun si duniya mein chale gaye the ki apni didi ko bhi dekhne nahi aaye” — ritu ne gambhir ho kar kaha.
“Theek hai ritu tumhe aaj sab kuch bataaunga, ye bhi bataaunga ki main kahaan tha aur apni jeendagi ke baare mein bhi bataaunga, chalo kishi restaurant mein chalte hain, baat lambi hai, yahaan khade khade thak jaayenge” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai main shun-na chaahti hun billu….mm matlab jatin…… sorry aage se tumhe bas jatin hi kahungi, lekin yahin baat karenge, restaurant jaane mein vakt lagega, main aur intezaar nahi kar sakti” — ritu ne kaha.
“pehli baar meri jaan itne pyar se mili hai, restaurant to tumhe ley jaana hi padega, chalo na please araam se baat karenge” — maine kaha
“kya main tumhaari jaan hun jatin” — ritu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha.
“Haan ritu, you are my life, infact you are my god, tabhi to main aaj phir yahaan kheencha chala aaya, aur bhagvaan ka chamatkaar dekho aaj tum mere shaamne aankho mein pyar ley kar khadi ho. We are in love, hain na ritu” —- maine kaha
“tum mujhe pehle ye bataao ki kahaan the tum? , baaki ki baate baad mein karenge. Thodi der khade rah kar thak nahi jaayenge, jaldi bataao, kahan the” —- ritu ne kaha.
Maine phir ritu ko restaurant ke liye insist nahi kiya. Hum dono vahin divaar ke saath ek dushre ki aur muh karke khade ho gaye.
“Ritu mai 8 march ko bahut dukhi man se tumhaare ghar se chala tha. agle din ki delhi ki ticket book karva rakhi thi. par kishmat ko kuch aur hi manjoor tha. main delhi jaane ki bajaaye pune pahunch gaya” —- maine kaha
“pune !! pune kya karne gaye the” —- ritu ne pucha
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