25-11-2019, 02:45 AM
Date 7-02-09
Peechle 5 dino se dekh rahi hun, billu roj subah mujhe office jaate vakt mere flat ke baahar mil jaata hai, aur jab mai vaapas aati hun to bhi mujhe vahi milta hai. ushke chehre par aisey bhaav rahte hai, jaise ki vo bahut innocent ho, lagta hi nahi hai ki ushi ne mujhe barbaad kiya hai. billu ka ye dushra hi roop dekh rahi hun. pata nahi kya raaj hai. mai ab dipti ke phone ka intezaar kar rahi hun. kal ushne bataaya tha ki bas ek dau din ki baat hai sachaayi saamne aa jaayegi. Roj mujhe office se aate hi ghar ke ander darvaaje ke niche billu ki leekhi chit milti hai. roj yahi leekha hota hai ki “aaj phir mai gate way of India par tumhaara intezaar karunga, ho sake to aa jao”
Par mai ush se milne kaise chali jaaun, jo ushne mere saath kiya hai ushe mai kabhi nahi bhula sakti. aur kya pata vo mujhe kaun si kahaani shunayega. Baatein banaane mein to vo expert hai hi. Kya pata koyi nayi chaal chal raha ho.
Ishliye mai billu ko ignore karke apne kaam par dhyaan de rahi hun.
———
Raat ke 10 baj rahe hai. abhi thodi der pehle papa se phone par lambi baat ki.
“bete sidharth ka phone aaya tha, tumne bataaya nahi ki vo vahi mumbai mein hai, bahut acha ladka hai” —- papa ne kaha
“ji papa mujhe dhyaan hi nahi raha, sidharth hamaari company ka CA hai, aksar office mein ush se mulaakat ho jaati hai, par ushne aapko kyo phone kiya” —– maine hairaani mein pucha.
“Beta, vo tumse shaadi karna chaahta hai, mujh se kah raha tha ki aap maan jao to ritu bhi maan jaayegi. Mai to pehle bhi tum logo ke saath hi tha, bas ushke papa ki izaazart ke bina kuch nahi hone dena chaahta tha. Acha ladka hai, ushke saath tum jeendagi ki nayi shuruvaat kar sakti ho, baaki sab kuch tumhaare upar hai, mai tumhe kuch nahi kahunga, jaisa tumhe acha lage karo, mai tumhaare saath hun.” —- papa ne kaha
aaj tak maine papa ki baat nahi taali hai, ishliye maine unhe kuch nahi kaha ki mai kya chaahti hun. mai soch rahi hun ki ab sidharth se hi baat karungi.
Date : 8-02-09
Aaj man bahut udaas hai chintoo ka birthday hai aur mai ushke paas nahi hun, par kya karun ush se milne bhi nahi ja sakti. nayi nayi naukri join ki hai, aur phir abhi kaam bhi jyada hai. subah ka vakt hai soch rahi hun ki mandir chali jaaun. Shaayad man ko kuch sakun miley. Vaise bhi aaj Sunday hai aur mere paas kaafi vakt hai
———–
11:30 am (8-02-09)
mandir mein ghuste hi mujhe ek anokha sa sakun mila. Mandir mein bahut pyara bhajan chal raha tha.
♫♪♫….. hare krishna… hare krishne…..krishna krishna….hare.. hare.. hare rama…hare rama… rama rama.. hare…hare….♫♪♫
Kisi ne sach hi kaha hai ki jab aap bhagvaan ke paas haath jod kar jaate hai to bhagvaan aapko gale laga lete hai. kuch aisa hi ahsaash mujhe ho raha tha.
ye bhajan meri anter aatma mein utarta chala gaya. Bahut dino baad man ko kuch shaanti mili. par ye shaanti jyada der nahi rah paayi.
mai bhagvaan ke aage aankhe band karke khadi thi aur man hi man chintoo ke liye lambi umar ki kaamna kar rahi thi. apne liye mai kya maangti bas yahi duva kar rahi thi ki hey bhagvaan mujhe hamesha ache raste par rakhna. Mujhe itni shakti dena ki jab bhi mere saamne dau raste aayein to mai sahi raste ka chunaav kar sakun.
Sabhi kuch acha chal raha tha. aankhe band karke mein ander hi ander kho gayi thi aur hare krishna hare rama bhajan mere kaano mein gunj raha tha.
Achaanak mujhe ek awaaj shunaayi di
“bhagvaan mujhe aapse kuch nahi chaahiye, vaise bhi jo tha vo to aapne pehle hi cheen liya hai, agar mujhe kuch dene ko bacha ho to vo ish devi ko de do. mai jyada din nahi jeena chaahta, meri umar aap ish devi ko laga do. aur ye devi aapse jo bhi maangti hai de do bhagvaan mai ish devi ko bahut pyar karta hun…”
maine hairaani mein aankhe khol kar dekha aur chonk gayi..
billu mere paas aankhe band karke bhagvaan ke aage haath jode khada tha. maine man hi man mein socha ki ishki himmat kaise ho gayi yaha aane ki aur aise mere saath khade hone ki.
maine pujaari se parsaad liya aur jhat se mandir se baahar aa gayi.
“ritu ruk jao, please…. ek baar meri baat to shun lo, mai bas tumhe kuch bataana chaahta hun, aur to kuch nahi chaahta, please….” —- billu ne mere peeche aate huve kaha.
Mai ruk gayi aur peeche mud kar ushe kaha, “billu agar tum mein jara si bhi sharam baaki hai to yaha se chale jao. Aur mujhe tumse kuch nahi shun-na. Vaise bhi mujhe kaafi kuch pata chal gaya hai. mera peecha chhod do aur yaha se dafa ho jao.”
mandir mere flat ke nazdeek hi tha, ishliye teji se chal kar mai apne ghar aa gayi. mujhe bahut bura lag raha tha ki vo mere peeche mandir tak aa gaya. pata nahi billu aisa kyo kar raha hai ?
raat ke 11 bajne ko hai aur man bahut bechan ho raha hai. ye bechani sidharth ke kaaran hai. samajh nahi aata ki ushe kaise samjhaaun.
Jaise hi mai mandir se aayi thi sidharth ghar aa gaya tha.
“Ritu mai bina bataaye aa gaya, tum bura to nahi maanogi” —- sidharth ne hanste huve pucha.
“Nahi koyi baat nahi, baitho mai coffee banaati hun” — maine kaha.
Mai khud ush se milna chaahti thi. ab jab ushne papa se baat kar li thi to ushe sab kuch bataana jaroori ho gaya tha.
“Ritu, maine kal tumhaare dady se baat ki thi, shaayad unhone tumhe bataaya hoga. Vo to taiyaar hai, ab bas tumhare haan kahne ki der hai, jo sapna hum pehle pura nahi kar paaye the vo ab kar sakte hai. tum bataao, kya mujh se shaadi karogi” ? — sidharth ne coffee peete huve pucha.
“hmm…. Sidharth I respect you a lot. You are real gentleman. Any women would love to marry you. But..” —- maine kaha
“but kya, vo women tum kyo nahi ho sakti ? aakhir tum kyo mujh se shaadi nahi karna chaahti ? bahaana bana rahi ho hai na, tumhe shaayad ab mai acha nahi lagta” ? — sidharth ne emotional tone mein kaha.
“Aisi baat nahi hai sidharth, meri jeendagi uljhi huyi hai, mai tumhe kaise samjhaun” —- maine kaha.
“Mujhe moka to do mai tumhaari har uljhan dur kar dunga, par aisey bahaana mat banaao. Mai tumhe bahut pyar karta hun aur tum mujhe sata rahi ho” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Mai tumhe sata nahi rahi hun sidharth, mai tumhe kaise bataaun, acha ruko mai tumhe kuch deti hun” — maine sidharth se kaha.
“Kya ritu” ? —- sidharth ne pucha.
Mai apne bedroom mein gayi aur apni diary ley aayi. Mai sidharth ko apne muh se sab kuch nahi bata sakti thi. ishliye sidharth ko apni diary dene ka faisala kiya.
“Ye lo sidharth tum ishe padh lo, tum khud samajh jaaoge ki aaj mai kish haalaat mein hun” —- maine sidharth ko apni diary dete huve kaha.
“Kya hai ish diary mein ritu, tum khud kyo nahi bata deti” ? —- sidharth ne pucha.
“Tum khud padh lo sidharth, tab tak mai lunch banaati hun” —– maine kaha
“wow…. kya tum mujhe apne haath ka khaana khilaaogi, aaj to maja aa jayega, bahut dino se maine ghar ka khana nahi khaaya, tumhe to pata hi hai, mai bhi tumhaari tarah yaha mumbai mein akela rah raha hun, aksar baahar hi khaana padta hai” —– sidharth ne mushkurate huve kaha.
“Haan sidharth hum daono saath lunch karenge. Aur haan ish diary mein leekhi kahaani ho sakta hai tumhe bhaddi lage. Dar-asal maine kuch nahi chupaaya. Jo kuch bhi mere saath peechle dino huva hai sab kuch sach sach leekh diya hai ” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai mai padhta hun tum jaldi se lunch banaao mai khaana khane ke liye mara ja raha hun” sidharth ne kaha.
Mai kitchen mein khaana banaane lagi aur sidharth meri diary padhne mein busy ho gaya.
Jaise hi mai lunch bana kar kitchen se baahar aayi to maine dekha ki vo diary ko ek taraf rakh kar chupchaap baitha hai.
Maine pucha “lunch taiyaar hai sidharth kya lunch karein”
“Ritu ye sab kaise ho gaya, mujhe bilkul vishwaas nahi ho raha. mai samajh nahi pa raha hun ki kaise react karun” —- sidharth ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
“Lunch karte hai sidharth, mai ish baare mein koyi baat nahi kar paaungi. haan itna jaroor kahungi ki ish diary ki ek ek baat sach hai. sach ke alawa maine ish mein kuch nahi leekha.” — maine kaha.
“Ritu acha kiya tumne mujhe ye diary de di. Mere dil mein tumhaare liye samman aur badh gaya hai. mujhe acha laga ki tumne sanjay ko sab kuch sach sach bata diya tha. ” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“par sach bataane mein maine der kar di thi sidharth. ” —- maine sidharth se kaha.
“ritu, agar tum sochti ho ki ish diary mein leekhi baate hamaari shaadi mein rukaavat hai to tum galat ho. Haan mujhe bura laga, balki bahut bura laga, par jaise jaise mai padhta gaya mujhe ye bhi laga ki tum ek achi inshaan ho jishmein ki ache bure ki samajh baaki hai. tumhe apni galti ka ahsaash hai, aur kya chaahiye. mai tumse shaadi karne ke liye taiyaar hun. mujhe ish diary se koyi matlab nahi hai. tum ishmein aag laga do aur sab kuch bhul kar meri jeendagi mein aa jao. Hum dauno nayi shuruvaat karte hai” sidharth ne kaha.
Aisa lag raha tha jaise ki sidharth mere pyar mein andha ho gaya hai
“Oh no sidharth ye diary tumhe dene ka ye matlab nahi tha. tum samajhte kyo nahi ho. Mai abhi bahut uljhan mein hun” —– maine kaha.
Peechle 5 dino se dekh rahi hun, billu roj subah mujhe office jaate vakt mere flat ke baahar mil jaata hai, aur jab mai vaapas aati hun to bhi mujhe vahi milta hai. ushke chehre par aisey bhaav rahte hai, jaise ki vo bahut innocent ho, lagta hi nahi hai ki ushi ne mujhe barbaad kiya hai. billu ka ye dushra hi roop dekh rahi hun. pata nahi kya raaj hai. mai ab dipti ke phone ka intezaar kar rahi hun. kal ushne bataaya tha ki bas ek dau din ki baat hai sachaayi saamne aa jaayegi. Roj mujhe office se aate hi ghar ke ander darvaaje ke niche billu ki leekhi chit milti hai. roj yahi leekha hota hai ki “aaj phir mai gate way of India par tumhaara intezaar karunga, ho sake to aa jao”
Par mai ush se milne kaise chali jaaun, jo ushne mere saath kiya hai ushe mai kabhi nahi bhula sakti. aur kya pata vo mujhe kaun si kahaani shunayega. Baatein banaane mein to vo expert hai hi. Kya pata koyi nayi chaal chal raha ho.
Ishliye mai billu ko ignore karke apne kaam par dhyaan de rahi hun.
———
Raat ke 10 baj rahe hai. abhi thodi der pehle papa se phone par lambi baat ki.
“bete sidharth ka phone aaya tha, tumne bataaya nahi ki vo vahi mumbai mein hai, bahut acha ladka hai” —- papa ne kaha
“ji papa mujhe dhyaan hi nahi raha, sidharth hamaari company ka CA hai, aksar office mein ush se mulaakat ho jaati hai, par ushne aapko kyo phone kiya” —– maine hairaani mein pucha.
“Beta, vo tumse shaadi karna chaahta hai, mujh se kah raha tha ki aap maan jao to ritu bhi maan jaayegi. Mai to pehle bhi tum logo ke saath hi tha, bas ushke papa ki izaazart ke bina kuch nahi hone dena chaahta tha. Acha ladka hai, ushke saath tum jeendagi ki nayi shuruvaat kar sakti ho, baaki sab kuch tumhaare upar hai, mai tumhe kuch nahi kahunga, jaisa tumhe acha lage karo, mai tumhaare saath hun.” —- papa ne kaha
aaj tak maine papa ki baat nahi taali hai, ishliye maine unhe kuch nahi kaha ki mai kya chaahti hun. mai soch rahi hun ki ab sidharth se hi baat karungi.
Date : 8-02-09
Aaj man bahut udaas hai chintoo ka birthday hai aur mai ushke paas nahi hun, par kya karun ush se milne bhi nahi ja sakti. nayi nayi naukri join ki hai, aur phir abhi kaam bhi jyada hai. subah ka vakt hai soch rahi hun ki mandir chali jaaun. Shaayad man ko kuch sakun miley. Vaise bhi aaj Sunday hai aur mere paas kaafi vakt hai
———–
11:30 am (8-02-09)
mandir mein ghuste hi mujhe ek anokha sa sakun mila. Mandir mein bahut pyara bhajan chal raha tha.
♫♪♫….. hare krishna… hare krishne…..krishna krishna….hare.. hare.. hare rama…hare rama… rama rama.. hare…hare….♫♪♫
Kisi ne sach hi kaha hai ki jab aap bhagvaan ke paas haath jod kar jaate hai to bhagvaan aapko gale laga lete hai. kuch aisa hi ahsaash mujhe ho raha tha.
ye bhajan meri anter aatma mein utarta chala gaya. Bahut dino baad man ko kuch shaanti mili. par ye shaanti jyada der nahi rah paayi.
mai bhagvaan ke aage aankhe band karke khadi thi aur man hi man chintoo ke liye lambi umar ki kaamna kar rahi thi. apne liye mai kya maangti bas yahi duva kar rahi thi ki hey bhagvaan mujhe hamesha ache raste par rakhna. Mujhe itni shakti dena ki jab bhi mere saamne dau raste aayein to mai sahi raste ka chunaav kar sakun.
Sabhi kuch acha chal raha tha. aankhe band karke mein ander hi ander kho gayi thi aur hare krishna hare rama bhajan mere kaano mein gunj raha tha.
Achaanak mujhe ek awaaj shunaayi di
“bhagvaan mujhe aapse kuch nahi chaahiye, vaise bhi jo tha vo to aapne pehle hi cheen liya hai, agar mujhe kuch dene ko bacha ho to vo ish devi ko de do. mai jyada din nahi jeena chaahta, meri umar aap ish devi ko laga do. aur ye devi aapse jo bhi maangti hai de do bhagvaan mai ish devi ko bahut pyar karta hun…”
maine hairaani mein aankhe khol kar dekha aur chonk gayi..
billu mere paas aankhe band karke bhagvaan ke aage haath jode khada tha. maine man hi man mein socha ki ishki himmat kaise ho gayi yaha aane ki aur aise mere saath khade hone ki.
maine pujaari se parsaad liya aur jhat se mandir se baahar aa gayi.
“ritu ruk jao, please…. ek baar meri baat to shun lo, mai bas tumhe kuch bataana chaahta hun, aur to kuch nahi chaahta, please….” —- billu ne mere peeche aate huve kaha.
Mai ruk gayi aur peeche mud kar ushe kaha, “billu agar tum mein jara si bhi sharam baaki hai to yaha se chale jao. Aur mujhe tumse kuch nahi shun-na. Vaise bhi mujhe kaafi kuch pata chal gaya hai. mera peecha chhod do aur yaha se dafa ho jao.”
mandir mere flat ke nazdeek hi tha, ishliye teji se chal kar mai apne ghar aa gayi. mujhe bahut bura lag raha tha ki vo mere peeche mandir tak aa gaya. pata nahi billu aisa kyo kar raha hai ?
raat ke 11 bajne ko hai aur man bahut bechan ho raha hai. ye bechani sidharth ke kaaran hai. samajh nahi aata ki ushe kaise samjhaaun.
Jaise hi mai mandir se aayi thi sidharth ghar aa gaya tha.
“Ritu mai bina bataaye aa gaya, tum bura to nahi maanogi” —- sidharth ne hanste huve pucha.
“Nahi koyi baat nahi, baitho mai coffee banaati hun” — maine kaha.
Mai khud ush se milna chaahti thi. ab jab ushne papa se baat kar li thi to ushe sab kuch bataana jaroori ho gaya tha.
“Ritu, maine kal tumhaare dady se baat ki thi, shaayad unhone tumhe bataaya hoga. Vo to taiyaar hai, ab bas tumhare haan kahne ki der hai, jo sapna hum pehle pura nahi kar paaye the vo ab kar sakte hai. tum bataao, kya mujh se shaadi karogi” ? — sidharth ne coffee peete huve pucha.
“hmm…. Sidharth I respect you a lot. You are real gentleman. Any women would love to marry you. But..” —- maine kaha
“but kya, vo women tum kyo nahi ho sakti ? aakhir tum kyo mujh se shaadi nahi karna chaahti ? bahaana bana rahi ho hai na, tumhe shaayad ab mai acha nahi lagta” ? — sidharth ne emotional tone mein kaha.
“Aisi baat nahi hai sidharth, meri jeendagi uljhi huyi hai, mai tumhe kaise samjhaun” —- maine kaha.
“Mujhe moka to do mai tumhaari har uljhan dur kar dunga, par aisey bahaana mat banaao. Mai tumhe bahut pyar karta hun aur tum mujhe sata rahi ho” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Mai tumhe sata nahi rahi hun sidharth, mai tumhe kaise bataaun, acha ruko mai tumhe kuch deti hun” — maine sidharth se kaha.
“Kya ritu” ? —- sidharth ne pucha.
Mai apne bedroom mein gayi aur apni diary ley aayi. Mai sidharth ko apne muh se sab kuch nahi bata sakti thi. ishliye sidharth ko apni diary dene ka faisala kiya.
“Ye lo sidharth tum ishe padh lo, tum khud samajh jaaoge ki aaj mai kish haalaat mein hun” —- maine sidharth ko apni diary dete huve kaha.
“Kya hai ish diary mein ritu, tum khud kyo nahi bata deti” ? —- sidharth ne pucha.
“Tum khud padh lo sidharth, tab tak mai lunch banaati hun” —– maine kaha
“wow…. kya tum mujhe apne haath ka khaana khilaaogi, aaj to maja aa jayega, bahut dino se maine ghar ka khana nahi khaaya, tumhe to pata hi hai, mai bhi tumhaari tarah yaha mumbai mein akela rah raha hun, aksar baahar hi khaana padta hai” —– sidharth ne mushkurate huve kaha.
“Haan sidharth hum daono saath lunch karenge. Aur haan ish diary mein leekhi kahaani ho sakta hai tumhe bhaddi lage. Dar-asal maine kuch nahi chupaaya. Jo kuch bhi mere saath peechle dino huva hai sab kuch sach sach leekh diya hai ” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai mai padhta hun tum jaldi se lunch banaao mai khaana khane ke liye mara ja raha hun” sidharth ne kaha.
Mai kitchen mein khaana banaane lagi aur sidharth meri diary padhne mein busy ho gaya.
Jaise hi mai lunch bana kar kitchen se baahar aayi to maine dekha ki vo diary ko ek taraf rakh kar chupchaap baitha hai.
Maine pucha “lunch taiyaar hai sidharth kya lunch karein”
“Ritu ye sab kaise ho gaya, mujhe bilkul vishwaas nahi ho raha. mai samajh nahi pa raha hun ki kaise react karun” —- sidharth ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
“Lunch karte hai sidharth, mai ish baare mein koyi baat nahi kar paaungi. haan itna jaroor kahungi ki ish diary ki ek ek baat sach hai. sach ke alawa maine ish mein kuch nahi leekha.” — maine kaha.
“Ritu acha kiya tumne mujhe ye diary de di. Mere dil mein tumhaare liye samman aur badh gaya hai. mujhe acha laga ki tumne sanjay ko sab kuch sach sach bata diya tha. ” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“par sach bataane mein maine der kar di thi sidharth. ” —- maine sidharth se kaha.
“ritu, agar tum sochti ho ki ish diary mein leekhi baate hamaari shaadi mein rukaavat hai to tum galat ho. Haan mujhe bura laga, balki bahut bura laga, par jaise jaise mai padhta gaya mujhe ye bhi laga ki tum ek achi inshaan ho jishmein ki ache bure ki samajh baaki hai. tumhe apni galti ka ahsaash hai, aur kya chaahiye. mai tumse shaadi karne ke liye taiyaar hun. mujhe ish diary se koyi matlab nahi hai. tum ishmein aag laga do aur sab kuch bhul kar meri jeendagi mein aa jao. Hum dauno nayi shuruvaat karte hai” sidharth ne kaha.
Aisa lag raha tha jaise ki sidharth mere pyar mein andha ho gaya hai
“Oh no sidharth ye diary tumhe dene ka ye matlab nahi tha. tum samajhte kyo nahi ho. Mai abhi bahut uljhan mein hun” —– maine kaha.
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