Fantasy Night Brings the Hunter by TMaskedWriter

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Helena stuffed her worry beads back into their pouch, watching the commandos make their way through the shadows and up onto the wall of the compound. As they'd pass one of Igazi's men rolling on the ground and moaning in agony, a knife would come out of the darkness and end the man's suffering before dragging the bleeding body into the shadows and then moving on. Upon reaching a clear section of the wall, they went to work cutting away the razor wire on top of the wall and tossing ropes over the side for the rest of the Ultimados to climb up.

More sounds of sickness began to fill the compound. She saw someone run into Igazi's hut. "Fuck," she said to herself. The Ultimados weren't ready to strike yet.

Helena racked the slide of her Ruger LC9 and made herself ready to move. The rest of the Ultimados were coming over the wall and beginning to fan out across the compound. As she waited for one of them to be able to make his way to the tower to unlock the shack she was being kept in, reflex caused her to check the doorknob. To her surprise, it turned easily and she stepped outside.

A siren rang out across the compound as Igazi emerged from his hut, followed by the Englishman and the goons with AKs who'd watched her do her thing to Umiwama. She gave another "fuck" under her breath as Igazi pointed toward the shack where Maria was being kept and the Englishman started running. He was too far away for a shot with the Ruger. Helena turned and ran for the stairs. When she reached the top of the stairs, a guard down at the bottom had a cigarette dangling from his lips, a pack of cigarettes in one hand, and a shotgun in the other.

Helena pointed her gun at him as he turned toward her and tried to raise his shotgun, but his muscles weren't cooperating. The man's knees buckled as the gun dropped to the ground as he doubled over. A spray of vomit poured from his mouth, and he collapsed into it. Helena ran down the stairs and collected the shotgun, stuffing the LC9 back in her waistband.

Igazi and his two goons rounded the corner. Helena said "Stop! Drop your weapons" to them in Kinyarwanda, and the three men froze. AK-47s clattered to the ground. Helena leveled the shotgun at Igazi's chest.

"You wanted a demonstration of my witchcraft, David. Here it is."

"What have you done to my men," he demanded.

"What I would have done to you if you weren't a cigar smoker." She picked up the pack of cigarettes that the man who was now rolling and moaning in his vomit on the ground behind her had dropped and tossed it to him. Igazi caught the pack and looked at it. When he looked at the back and sides of the pack, he could see the pinpricks through the cellophane and corresponding holes in the pack.

"I didn't even know you could get Botox in Uongo. Well, as you can see," she said with a smile. "I've never needed it. The tricky part was injecting it into the filters of an entire carton of cigarettes through the packs. Wanna know what happens when you smoke Botulism Toxin? Well," she gestured around at the sick men in the compound with the hand that wasn't on the trigger before returning it to the barrel. "You get all this."

A series of short, sharp sounds came from behind Igazi. The tumbling whistle-and-thump sounds of suppressed bullets hitting their targets. He turned in time to see the men who were banging Umiwama suddenly fall over dead. The girl let out a horrified scream and backed up into the compound wall. He let out a "What?" as he turned back to Helena.

"Oh, that'd be my Ultimados taking care of the men who don't smoke." She gestured with the shotgun. "Now take me to my great-granddaughter."

"KILL THE GIRL," Igazi yelled. Helena lowered the shotgun and blasted him in both knees. Two more shots from the darkness struck each of his guards in the head and they collapsed to the ground next to him, Igazi now screaming and clutching his shattered kneecaps.

Helena broke into a run across the compound. Up ahead, she saw the shack that Maria was being kept in. The door was open. She saw the two flashes of light before hearing the gunshots and stopped dead in her tracks. Time stood still until she heard the sound of two bodies hitting the ground inside. "TWO bodies," she thought, quizzically.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a vibration at the small of her back. She remembered the satellite phone she'd concealed under her shirt and pulled it out. There was a call coming in. Still in shock, Helen answered it.

"Is this Contessa Helena de San Finzione," asked the voice of the Englishman on the other end.

"Yes," she said, still stunned as she saw Maria walk out of the shack unharmed.

"We've not been properly introduced," he continued. "My name is Mander. I got your letter. I've always wanted an island."

Mander stepped out of the shack, tossed away his smoking revolver, dropped to his knees and put up his hands. She dropped the shotgun and ran to Maria. Maria ran into her arms and she held her tightly as Mander lay face down on the ground with his hands behind his head. He looked up at the two of them.

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"I were gonna slip the phone in with your food if you hadn't done that thing to me, Your Countessness."

"Mander," Helen said with a big smile and tears running down her face as two of the Ultimados appeared, pointing their weapons at him. Another two were dragging the screaming Igazi toward her. The one in back "accidentally" stepped on Igazi's knee a couple of times. She motioned for the two on Mander to let him up, still holding Maria. "Pick a hemisphere."

* * *

Within half an hour, the raid was over. Those of Igazi's men who were smart enough to surrender or were too sick from Botulism to fight had been rounded up in the courtyard. One of the Ultimados was a field medic who'd bandaged Igazi's knees and stopped the bleeding. He lay on a stretcher on the ground with his hands zip-tied behind him as Helena finished talking to Maria and Umiwama and approached him.

"After some consideration," Helena said, putting her LC9 up to his eye and deliberately getting too close and poking him with it. "I've decided not to accept your terms, Mr. Igazi."

The warlord leaned back and, with a defiant grin on his face, pressed his forehead into the barrel of her gun, positioning it between his eyes, and spit at her feet. Instead of pulling the trigger, Helena pistol-whipped him across the face, then grabbed his chin and looked him in the eye.

"You don't get to go to Hell until I've put you through MY Hell! You're coming back to San Finzione with me, David. Some of the tools in my dungeon haven't seen use in centuries." She walked back up the steps to the shack, careful to step around the puddle of sickness at the bottom of the stairs. When she reached the upper level, she looked out over her prisoners and addressed them.

"So, this leaves me the question of what to do with all of you. Let you go? You'll alert the other warlords. Turn you over to the locals? Any authority this far from civilization could only survive by being so deep in the warlords' pockets that you'll all walk free the same day. Oh! How about all those horrible lies you and your leaders like to tell the public about gay people? How would you all like me to make you love doing those things? Huh? 'Eat da poopoo like ice cream,' anyone?" She gave them a few moments of terror at the thought before continuing.

"No, it's time for your life of shitty choices to catch up with you. This will be the final day of your lives, and you're going to do something useful with your last day. You won't survive it, but you're going to do some good for the world at the end. I'm sure you've all done enough bad stuff in Igazi's service to deserve it. Now, Capitano Ramirez, if you'd be so kind as to meet me in Mr. Igazi's... well, I suppose it's MY office now, it's time for that conversation. The rest of you wait here. I'll be back to explain your punishment soon." She walked down the steps and crossed the courtyard to the shack. She said something to the Capitano as she entered, Ramirez following behind her.

"You and your men have done an excellent job, Capitano," she said as the door closed. "Now, don't move."

Helena turned around and saw the man standing, unmoving, with a look of surprise on his face.

"The stories are true, Capitano. At an early age, I learned how to bend others' minds to my will. It's gotten me quite far in life; however, it doesn't bring me all the answers, unless I use it right. Then, it causes me to question things others might not. For example: Which of your men have the order to kill me if Igazi failed?"

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Night Brings the Hunter Pt. 07

"Now I'm hiding in Honduras.
I'm a desperate man.
Send lawyers, guns, and money.
The shit has hit the fan."
-Warren Zevon, "Lawyers, Guns, and Money"

"Only myself," Ramirez replied to Helena's question about which of the Ultimados was supposed to kill her if Igazi failed. "I would not delegate such an order to another man. How did you know?"

Contessa Helena de San Finzione sat in David Igazi's pappasan chair at the card table and looked at him.

"I've been thinking about a few things, Capitano. Having a ball gag in your mouth for hours and then being locked in a cell gives you a lot of time for that. I was concerned for Maria's safety, so I had my maid monitor the flight. Some kind of specialized real-time tracking software I got after some friends played a little joke on me. Never thought I'd get a chance to use it. I paid a bunch for it, I remember that.

"Once the tracker stopped moving, I'd estimate a minute or so for Jeanne to think 'Hmm, that's weird. It hasn't moved in a while.' So maybe she tries to call Maria a couple times and gets no answer and decides to call someone at the base; that's another couple minutes. Then, even acting with my authority, it would have taken her about five minutes to get someone on the phone with the power to send out a search party; and with the information from the tracker guiding them, about an hour to reach the crash site and have someone report back. Then maybe another minute of shock and 'Mon Dieu' before Jeanne ran to tell me.

"Castle Finzione is a big place, Ramirez. It's about an eight minute run from my study to the library; twelve minutes if one pedi-conferences like we did on the way back after she told me the news. I spent about five minutes getting things together and collecting myself before calling the Generalissimo, and when he answered, he told me that he'd only just heard and was about to inform me.

"So, I had to ask myself 'Even with the expensive tracking software, how did my maid manage to find out about the crash a full 90 minutes before the commander of my armed forces; who also should have had someone monitoring a flight containing two of his men escorting a high value ransom target like Maria?' And when I asked that question in the face of all the inside knowledge Igazi would have needed to be in the right place at the right time to shoot down the right helicopter, the only answer that made sense was that the Generalissimo was playing for time so Igazi's men could get away with Maria. He knew I'd rush to fly here and that I'd want his best men for backup. But for what I presume is his planned coup to work, he'd have to be certain that I never make it back to San Finzione; because I'd put an end to it in seconds.

"They needed me to come to Uongo for their plan to work, which means they needed Lady Maria; and she innocently handed them a golden ticket when she decided to take a helicopter to the camp. If not for that incredible stroke of luck; if she'd gone with the military convoy, Plan A probably would have been to ambush the convoy and take her. I'm sure if we look at the convoy's orders, the Generalissimo probably arranged for a smaller escort than usual or diverted them through a likely ambush point, something to make it easy for Igazi's men to attack and take her. He'd have gladly sacrificed much more than the two soldiers that he did to pull it off.

"I figure the plan is for me to die here, Maria makes it home; Igazi attacks our convoys and takes over Uongo, starting a war with San Finzione. I become a martyr that the Generalissimo uses to stir up war sentiment. Once he's got it, being granted emergency powers by a scared populace in a war mentality is historically easy from there. As for why he needs Maria alive, I'm thinking a forced marriage to solidify his position and gain legitimacy.

"After a sufficiently bloody conflict to satisfy appearances, he'll reach a peace accord with Igazi that involves recognizing the warlord's claim to Uongo. Our allies and the UN fall in line just to stop further bloodshed; hell, he probably comes away with a Nobel Peace Prize on top of it all, and everyone gets what they want. Except me and Maria, of course. Oh, and Stavro. You met him back at the embassy. The civilian boy Igazi's men beat mercilessly? That's my great-granddaughter's boyfriend. He wasn't a priority for Igazi, but the Generalissimo will need him out of the picture as well if he has any designs on Lady Maria. Or will you help him kill a second innocent civilian, Ramirez? I'm not talking about me, I call myself a few things, but innocent would not be one of them. I'm talking about the pilot. He wasn't one of our soldiers, just a local man hired to do a job."

Capitano Ramirez remained frozen in place, his hand on his holster.

"You can take a seat, Ramirez; there's more to discuss. For a start, I've spent the past few days observing you and you seem to be a man of integrity. He couldn't afford to and wouldn't let you in on the whole plan. So tell me: I know I could do it, but how did the Generalissimo talk a man of integrity into treason and murder?"

Ramirez walked over to the chair that she'd been sitting in during the earlier meeting in the hut and sat down, his hand still resting on his sidearm.

"La Contessa's power over men is often talked about in hushed whispers and taverna gossip. There have always been rumors that you used this power of yours to seduce and kill the late Count and take over San Finzione. He spoke of the things you've done to Lady Maria and that you certainly wouldn't stop there. That you were the one who would turn this crisis into a bloody war to gain more power and needed to be eliminated."

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"I see. Well, what better way to conceal his plans than to tell you that they're mine? So that was the real reason why you insisted on 'giving me my privacy' when I offered to let you and the men sit in First Class with me: because a man of honor couldn't sit with a woman he's been ordered to murder and look her in the eye for ten hours. And you couldn't risk that I'd figure things out on the plane ride here and compel you to tell me everything right then."

Ramirez paused, then nodded slowly. Helena took out the pack of cigarettes she'd had in the cell and produced two of them.

"Well, Capitano, because I believe you to be a man of honor, I will show you the same. If I have your word that you won't kill me until after I've said what I must to you, I will release you from my control and not do this thing that I can do to you again. Here, take one. They're mine, not the poisoned ones, and it's customary at a moment like this. If, after the cigarette, you still think I'm a danger to you and San Finzione, I'll accept your decision and you may play your role in his treason if you still think it just. Do I have your word on this?"

Ramirez nodded in the affirmative and snapped his holster closed. Helena nodded as well and picked up her cigarette, gesturing for him to do the same. He found he was able to move freely and took it. She lit both of them before speaking.

"Now, to take care of the first point, despite what you, the Generalissimo, most of San Finzione, and even my closest friends think, I DID love Count Vincenzo, and if his heart hadn't given out while making love to me, I'd still be happily by his side. I put up a good facade of not caring so my friends wouldn't worry about me, but he was a good man, and I am attracted to much older Eastern Mediterranean men. I know exactly why that's the case as well. If you happen to have any psychiatrist friends who're looking to make a name for themselves, feel free to give them my number.

"I won't deny that I took advantage of Maria for a long time. Perhaps, in my grief, I thought nobody else would ever be good enough for her. I tried to tell myself that I was grooming her to be a good servant to the people. Denial and self-justification have been a big part of my psychological defenses for most of my life, but a friend recently showed me the error of my ways, and I have been trying to make amends since. I hope this same taverna gossip has also spoken of that."

Ramirez took a drag of his cigarette. "Not much. The other stories are more popular." She nodded, took a drag from her own, and continued.

"I'd imagine so. A woman who's only just realized that family is not a bad word and is trying to do right by her great-granddaughter and make her country a better place doesn't make for good gossip. It certainly doesn't make a good justification for an assassination and coup. Let me ask you something." She took a drag of her cigarette.

"Do you think the Generalissimo will stop there? Once he's got emergency powers, do you think he'll just give them up when his manufactured crisis is over? Once San Finzione becomes a military dictatorship, even without the firm ally in Africa that he'd planned to have in Igazi, do you think someone who has already sacrificed two of your fellow soldiers and a civilian, would have gladly sacrificed more, and has no qualms with ordering you to kill me to fulfill his scheme will be satisfied? Or would he want more? Would he look to expand his territory and fill the people's ears with stories of conquest and victory and drag them into endless wars for his own glory?"

Ramirez nodded his understanding, but his hand never left his holster.

"And will you be happy with your role in history, Ramirez? As the endless parade of flag-dbangd coffins fills the streets of San Finzione and the people howl for blood, will a man of honor like you be able to live with himself knowing that every one of those coffins, the Generalissimo will owe to you and your willingness to kill me for him? Knowing that I'll be in that first coffin and you'll be the one who put me there?

"He'll be looking to rally the people to his side. I'm sure my state funeral will have Princess Diana looking on from Heaven and muttering jealously. Will you attend, Ramirez? Will you put on your best formal dress uniform and stand by the Generalissimo's side and try to look sad for the cameras? Or will you even be around to see it? Will he consider you a loose end that needs tying up? The Generalissimo will owe everything to you. Does he strike you as a man who'll be able to live comfortably with that? Knowing that at any time, your integrity may get the better of you and you might decide to talk? Or will he take steps to prevent that? How far behind my own flag-dbangd coffin do you think yours will be, Capitano?"

She reached the end of the cigarette, put it out, and nodded.

"And now, if you still think I deserve to be sent into the next world, you may do so with a clear conscience, Ramirez; two of the only three men I've ever loved and one bastard I am NOT done with are waiting there for me."

Ramirez put out his own cigarette. His hand left his holster.

"I like it when people make the smart choice, Ramirez. Because of that, I'll now let you notice the gun I've had pointed at you all this time. I told you to ignore it before we entered the hut. You'd have been dead before your gun cleared leather."

Ramirez saw her put away the LC9 she'd had trained on him during their entire conversation.

"You could have shot me at any point," he said.

"I said you were a man of honor and that I'd show you the same; I didn't say that I was an idiot."

"So why didn't you just use your power and compel me to confess to the media? I presume such things are not beyond your capabilities."

"Because I was serious about trying to make up for my past, Ramirez, and I was pretty sure you would do the right thing, but I needed to be certain. When all this is over, San Finzione is going to need a new Generalissimo, and I've just found him."

Helena stood up. Generalissimo Ramirez did the same, then stood to attention and saluted his Contessa.

"The other warlords will be coming soon," he told her. "It would be wise not to be here when they arrive."

"I've been thinking about that too, Generalissimo. It seems like a waste to not do something about it. I have an idea, though."

* * *

[Ramesh_Rocky]

The first of the warlords arrived at dawn. Igazi's men opened the gates and let the convoy of vehicles into the compound. Two hours later, all had arrived and were gathered in the large tent. Mander entered the tent and greeted them.

"Morning, gents," he said cheerfully. "Mr. Igazi will be along shortly. Last night's meal didn't sit well with a lot of the men, I'm afraid, him included."

"What trick is this," one of the warlords demanded. "He calls us all together and does not appear himself?"

Mander nodded as the men around the compound entered the tent, their AK-47s covering the room.

"I did tell a little porky pie there, I'm afraid. Mr. Igazi has been called away on another matter, and I don't expect he'll return. I promise you'll not have long to wait, though. The air strike should be coming to level this compound and everyone in it in, oh..." he looked at his watch. "Ten minutes, give or take. These men are here to insure that none of you leave before that happens. You can all thank... what'd he call her? Oh yeah, The She-Demon Who Birthed All Witches for that. She says hello, by the way."

Several of the warlords reached for their weapons. More of Igazi's men stepped into the tent, cutting off all exits.

"She also had a word with these fellas, so don't worry, they'll be here to keep you company til the end. All rotten tossers that have it coming like yourselves. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see a woman about an island. That's not a euphemism, either."

Mander left the tent, got into a jeep, and drove out the gate and away, singing the Beach Boys' "Kokomo" to himself and waving to the bombers as they passed overhead.

* * *

"It is done, Generalissimo," Ramirez told him from the embassy over Skype. "We have rescued Lady Maria. La Contessa's body will be found amongst the others after the air strike."

"This was not the optimal outcome, Capitano. Igazi was not a target. But I can still use it. Killed negotiating with him, and we responded with an air strike, excellent. Be certain to retrieve her body. The people will demand a glorious funeral."

"Her coffin will be the first off the plane, sir."

"See to it. And bring the bodies of the men killed in the crash as well. I know you must have found her assassination distasteful, but San Finzione owes you a great debt, Maggiore Ramirez."

"Thank you, sir," Ramirez said and saluted. The Generalissimo saluted back and ended the call.

"See," Helena said as she stopped the recording. "Cheap bastard. Major was the best you would have gotten from him. One rank! And the dead men were an AFTERTHOUGHT! He also didn't bother to ask if YOU'D lost any men, which should tell you something."

Downstairs, Stavro had regained consciousness two hours ago, and Maria hadn't left his side. She giggled at his joke about showing her how well he'd recovered.

"You're right about another thing, Countess," Mander said, sitting at the conference table on another laptop, looking up islands for sale. "He's gonna want coffins with flags on 'em so's he can look all boo-hooey for the media."

"Good point," Helen replied. "Ok, then, let's give him some."

[Ramesh_Rocky]

Night Brings the Hunter Pt. 08

"Well, I met a girl in West Hollywood, I ain't namin' names.

She really worked me over good, she was just like Jesse James.

She really worked me over good, she was a credit to her gender.

She put me through some changes, Lord, sort of like a Waring blender."

-Warren Zevon, "Poor Poor Pitiful Me"

An old woman dressed entirely in black sat at an outdoor cafe in the San Finzione Marketplace, drinking her vino and watching the world go by; as she had for as long as anyone could remember. Some suspected that when the Sun exploded and the Earth crumbled to dust, the Yia-Yia would still be sitting at her table, continuing to drink her wine while floating through space and not thinking much of this new-fangled "void" thing.

Today seemed unusual to her. Not like that time a couple of months ago with the Americans; that had been amusing. People seemed sadder today. The waiter who'd refilled her glass had asked if she was all right. She sipped and didn't understand why she wouldn't be and dismissed the youngster with a wave of her hand. A few minutes later, she recalled that he'd been wearing a black armband, but hadn't connected it to anything. Once she'd noticed many other people passing her by wearing them, she'd started to wonder.

She looked up into the sky. A group of fighter planes flew overhead, followed by two other airplanes descending from the clouds; a large passenger jet and a smaller jet behind it. It was an unusual sight, but she'd never been on an airplane, nor was she ever going to be, so not worth thinking about. As she returned her gaze to street level, she noticed that flags had been flying at half-staff and made the connection: Oh, dear, someone important had died. Well, good thing she was already wearing black.

These days, she couldn't hear much that people around her said and cared about even less of it, however, one word kept repeating from the din of the café's patrons and the passers-by: "Contessa." Was that who died? She thought she'd met a Contessa once. Seemed like such a nice girl. She hoped it wasn't her.

Whichever one it was, she hadn't seen people this unhappy since the day the tanks rolled through the Marketplace so many years ago, but that sadness had changed to joy when tanks later rolled through in the opposite direction. She couldn't recall if they'd been the same tanks or not, but everyone was happy about it the second time. This was more like the first one.

She considered going to find a newspaper and finding out more about what had happened when the waiter came and refilled her glass.

Yeah, why change a good thing now?

* * *

[Ramesh_Rocky]

The 747 was parked on the tarmac when San Finzione One landed. A red carpet was rolled up to the stairs and the press gathered as workers unloaded three coffins, each covered with the flag of San Finzione, from the 747. The coffin unloaded first also had a wreath of Julie Andrews Roses lying atop it, La Contessa's favorite flower. A fourth coffin which carried no flag was unloaded and hauled away by la policia.

Generalissimo Armando Santori stood dressed in his best formal uniform at a podium covered with microphones in front of reporters and cameras, a black armband on his left arm. He stuck a finger beneath his sunglasses, wiping away an imaginary tear as the men of San Finzione's Squadra de Ultimados wheeled two of the coffins to either side of the podium and the one with the wreath in front, where the cameras could get good footage. Capitano Ramirez, leader of the Ultimados, followed the other two coffins to the podium and stood at attention and behind him, saluting La Contessa's coffin.

The door of San Finzione One opened and Lady Maria Louisa Francesca de San Finzione emerged, dressed in black and wearing a veiled hat. The Generalissimo grimly walked to the carpet and up to the door to help the next Contessa down the stairs, doing his best to appear sympathetic. A few steps behind Lady Maria, her boyfriend emerged; a muscular young man wearing sunglasses over a brightly-bruised face who'd somehow been squeezed into a black suit. He gave the Generalissimo a look that suggested that his offered arm was not needed. Santori's arm retreated and he gave a tiny smile. The boy would be out of the way soon enough.

On the other side of the world, a young American couple stared at their television, tears rolling down the woman's cheeks as they watched the Generalissimo return to the podium and Maria and Stavro took places behind him on the other side from Ramirez. The man had his right arm around her and fought off tears of his own as he held her hand with his left and a second woman sat on her right side and did the same. She hadn't shed any tears, but her expression conveyed her sadness to the other two as they all watched and listened to the Generalissimo.

"It is my sad duty to inform the world that our beloved Contessa Helena de San Finzione was brutally murdered at the hands of the criminal warlord David Igazi in the People's Democratic Republic of Uongo two days ago. While attempting to engage in peaceful negotiations with this murderous thug for the release of our beloved Lady Maria de San Finzione, La Contessa was set upon by his lackeys and betrayed to her death. Fortunately, the men of San Finzione's elite Squadra de Ultimados were able to rescue Lady Maria, and the villains met their own fate in the course of the rescue operation."

"Interesting choice of words there, Armando, 'betrayed to her death.'" A voice from the coffin in front of the podium spoke as the wreath of flowers fell off. Ramirez and Stavro moved forward to remove the flag respectfully before it fell as well and the lid opened.

Contessa Helena de San Finzione emerged from the coffin dressed in a long black dress. The two men helped her out. The Generalissimo was stunned, the press was stunned, and the three people watching on television on the other side of the world were stunned until the crying woman suddenly screamed "YOU FUCKING CUNT" at the television. Helena walked up to the podium and stood facing the Generalissimo, who'd started reaching for his sidearm before the sound of clacking bolts from the Ultimados' MP5s, now trained on him, filled the air and he felt Ramirez's sidearm poking him in the back. La Contessa spoke.

"Sorry, it was REALLY boring in there. I thought about going 'Boo' before emerging, but thought that would be tacky. Please continue, Armando. You were saying something about betrayal? Was it this?"

Helena held her phone up to the microphones and played an audio file.

"This was not the optimal outcome," the Generalissimo's voice spoke from the recording. "Igazi was not a target. But I can still use it. Killed negotiating with him, and we responded with an air strike, excellent. Be certain to retrieve her body. The people will demand a glorious funeral." She stopped the recording.

"There's some more about thanking someone for assassinating me, but we'll talk about that later. Let's get back to this betrayal thing of yours. The brave soldiers in the other two coffins, as well as a local civilian WERE betrayed to their deaths; by you, Armando. The men who WON'T be getting out of their coffins to make you answer for their murder were sworn to protect San Finzione; an oath you yourself took long ago. They upheld their oaths even as your conspirators butchered them to further your plot. And they WILL have justice. Don't move."

Helena knocked his hat and sunglasses from his head, then put her hands on his shoulders and ripped the stars from his uniform. Ramirez relieved him of his sidearm and put him in handcuffs.

"By order of La Contessa," Ramirez said to him. "I place you under arrest, Signor Santori, for crimes against the people and government of San Finzione."

La Contessa leaned forward and removed his ceremonial sword, whispering to him just softly enough for the microphones to barely pick up.

"Ghamoto mouni pou se petage." She said, causing the man on the other side of the world and any other Greek-speakers watching to gasp then laugh. She stepped back, removed his sword from the sheath, and tried to break it over her knee a couple of times before handing it over to Stavro to do the job. He snapped it on the first try.

"Eh, I loosened it for you. Now, go along with them quietly, Armando," she said, motioning to two of the Ultimados. Without a word, the former Generalissimo walked with the waiting soldiers into the back of a nearby black SUV. Helena turned back to the reporters and cameras.

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"I apologize to everyone viewing for the theatrics. I am happy to have my great-granddaughter and her boyfriend home. We have all been away far too long. Now if you will excuse me, I have other matters that must be attended to. Much of what happened to us must remain classified; however, I'll schedule an interview to explain everything that I am able soon." She pulled the rest of the torn fabric from the stars in her hand and pinned them on Ramirez. "For now, my family and I would simply like to go home. I leave any further questions to the new supreme commander of San Finzione's armed forces, Generalissimo Hernando Ramirez. Thank you for coming."

Contessa Helena de San Finzione walked to a waiting limousine. Maria and Stavro followed. They drove away as Generalissimo Ramirez began to take the reporters' questions.

* * *

"In other news," said the anchorman. "Famed Russian chess grandmaster Garry Kasparov has been located after failing to arrive at a tournament in Brussels over the weekend. According to sources, he had been a guest at Castle Finzione when the recent crisis in Uongo unfolded, and owing to the classified nature of those events, agreed to be sequestered in the castle until the matter had been resolved. The grandmaster commented that La Contessa's staff had been most courteous during his stay, stating quote 'I was so pleased with La Contessa's hospitality that I didn't have the heart to remind her that one cannot castle out of check.'

"Turning to local news, the Tourism Council of San Finzione has issued a statement advising that the dungeons of Castle Finzione shall be closed indefinitely to tourists and will no longer be a part of the castle tour. They advise any tourists currently holding tickets that refunds are available at any Tourism Council location.

"And now, the weather. What can you tell us about this sudden heat wave the past few days, Katrina?"

* * *

Two men were gagged and chained to the wall of the torture chamber when Contessa Helena de San Finzione entered, passing under a poster of her official portrait. Many identical posters were on the walls of the room as she turned to them.

"Hello, Mr. Igazi, Generalissimo. I know you're no longer a general, I figured you might like to hear it one last time. How're the knees holding up, Dave?"

The large black man struggled against the chains to rise to his feet, but his bandaged knees were unable to support him. He attempted to curse her, but the ball gag in his mouth made his words unintelligible.

"Oh yes, the gag. What do you think of the newest model? Better than that one you had on me, huh? We went all out for you." She looked around the room, as if noticing the posters for the first time. "Oh, they hung them up! There are copies on the walls, ceilings, and floors of your cells as well. I wanted them to put the real one over the door, but the curator of the National Gallery had some strong arguments against that. The posters are set into the walls and behind ballistic plastic so you can't tear them down; the ones in your cells too. They tell me you'll be able to see my face everywhere you look down here. Which is good, gentlemen, because it's all you're going to remember. Of anything, ever again."

She pulled up a stool and sat before them, lighting a cigarette.

"You see, gentlemen, I TRY to be a good person, I really do, but I've had problems with it. My upbringing... well, I won't bore you with that story. The point is that it's only recently that I've come to think that the idea of 'family' could be a good thing. And just as I'm getting used to the concept, you two decide to come at me through mine. I think that deserves special consideration, so I'm putting that 'good person' idea on hold for a bit just for you."

Helena picked up a rusty device with an ornate knob on one end and a round, bulbous end on the other. She was able to twist the knob a little bit and the other end of the device opened slightly with a creaking sound. She gave a little snicker and tossed it aside before continuing.

"We'll get that oiled. Or not. Now, if you had come at me directly, I could have respected that. I have enemies all over the world, and they get stupid sometimes. I might've just ruined you; left you bleeding from the ass, cursing your god for making you think that it was at all a good idea to cross me and leave you to tell others what it gained you. But you both know about the thing I can do that I'm about to do to both of you, and your plan would have failed much sooner. So you decided to go after Maria and Stavro. As a result, you don't get off that lightly. I have friends all over the world as well; some of those friends have all kinds of experience and training in these matters. They're mostly who you'll be seeing from now on. I might send the occasional doctor to ensure that your lives down here will be very long ones.

"But you are men of power. I'm sure that at the end, when you look back on your lives, you'll have precious memories of past conquests and victories to cling to. Maybe take comfort in your cells with memories of how a particular victim screamed or a pleasant night with a beautiful woman. Not me, of course. But I'm sure you've both done enough things to people who don't deserve them to lie on your deathbeds and, like the Khans of old, tell yourself it was all worth it and that your place in history is secure and your mark on the world will long outlast you. That's why I'm taking those memories from you."

She looked at both of them intensely. A look neither man was able to tear himself away from.

"You will forget everything; absolutely everything. Your entire lives, everyone you've known, everything you've done, even this conversation; are vanishing from your minds, never to return. You'll remember to breathe, but you won't remember how to speak or walk. You don't even get to remember what you did to me and my family to deserve the pain that will be all that you will know. Torture and pain is all you have ever known and all that ever will be of your existence and you won't even understand the reason for your torture; or that there could ever be any other existence but endless agony. The only thing you will know ever again is that the woman whose face you will see everywhere you turn is the one making this happen. The woman whose face will be the last thing you see when you die screaming many years from now. You won't know WHY I am the architect of all your suffering; only that it is happening because I wish it to be so.

[Ramesh_Rocky]

"I'm not aware of any family that Mr. Igazi had, but the world thinks he's dead anyway. Yours on the other hand, Armando, I will visit and make them forget that you ever existed as well. Nobody will know that you are alive; nobody will mourn your eventual passing. You can have my coffin when that time comes; we'll get some use out of that. And now, you don't even remember that there WAS ever anyone who might miss you."

Helena returned the stool to its place and looked into their uncomprehending eyes, now forever empty of all but terror. She tossed the cigarette butt their direction. Both men cowered and began to wet themselves.

"Well, let's not keep your torturers waiting. Some of them have come a long way for this. I might stop back by in a few days if I'm not too busy. As for me, I'm REALLY feeling a Cookie-Bar Sundae Rainbow Explosion here. Wonder if the chef's got any Starbursts already cut up."

The whimpering things that were once David Igazi and Generalissimo Armando Santori moaned through their gags as she shut the door behind her.

* * *

Jeanne entered the study. Helen had just spent the last two hours being bitched out by her oldest friends over Skype for not telling them what she'd been doing this past week. She was happy for every second of it.

"Mr. Kasparov got off ok?" Helen asked Jeanne in French as she replaced the money that Mander had taken from her purse before returning it to her safe. She allowed him keep it for beer money on his new island as long as he promised not to stock Budweiser.

"Oh, oui, Contessa," Jeanne replied, emptying the ashtray. "Many times." They both laughed at that.

Helena checked the contents of the bag one last time before taking the small pouch of worry beads from the bag and closing the safe.

"Why don't you take the rest of tonight and tomorrow off, Jeanne? I've got everything here."

"La Contessa does not wish to have a proper goodnight?" The maid asked, subtly licking her lips. Helena stood up and gave her a deep kiss.

"Not tonight. But definitely give me a wake-up call for the day after tomorrow." Jeanne nodded and left.

Helena went up to her bedroom. She undressed and looked over at the window with the open curtains, wagging her finger where she knew the Sun would come through in the morning. She then slipped into her bed and, clutching the pouch of beads to her chest, faded off to sleep.

* * *

Contessa Helena de San Finzione is known by many names throughout the world.

In parts of Africa, she is called The She-Demon Who Birthed All Witches. Supreme Comrade and President-for-Life Kiburi of the People's Democratic Republic of Uongo refers to her as The Leopress of San Finzione and gives thanks that her recent trip to his country was concluded without a visit from her. The ruling family of San Finzione call her Great-Grandmama. The rest of her people call her La Contessa, Demon, Vampire, and Witch in roughly equal measure.

Crime lords of Asia talk in whispers of The Viper That Speaks All the Tongues of Man. Some world leaders refer to her as That Bitch That Runs San Finzione. The sole male inhabitant of an island in the Bahamas describes her to his women and his guests as "This right clever bird, see." In a house on the opposite side of the world, she's known simply as Helen or sometimes Fucking Cunt, depending on the situation.

But in one village in the Heart of Africa, a place too small to have a name or be on a map, she is known by a different name, and a different story is told.

A story of a beautiful young girl who was taken by an evil warlord when her village's tribute failed to please him. Of a good witch who'd slain the warlord and rescued the girl, making her forget the suffering the warlord and his men had caused her. Of being returned to her village by the European soldiers who delivered aid to the refugee camps and now made regular stops and deliveries to her village on their route, protecting them whenever upstart warlords attempted to fill the power vacuum in the region until they all learned to stay away.

And when the good witch's name comes up in the story, she is simply referred to as Umiwama's Angel.