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GREAT WAY OF WRITING. I WILL GIVE YOU SOME TIPS. PLEASE IMPROVE THAT THEN THE STORY WILL BE ONE OF GREAT
- PLEASE CORRECT THE SPELL MISTAKES AND SEPARATE PARAGRAPH PROPERLY.
- SLOWLY BUILD UP THE STORY LIKE ORIGINAL WITTER
- NEVER MADE THE SUSHMITA PROSTITUTE OR DO NOT READER TO FEEL LIKE SHE IS A PROSTITUTE. ORIGINAL WITTER MADE HER CHARACTER DECENT AND EDUCATED. PLEASE MAINTAIN HER CHARACTER
THANK YOU FOR YOUR STORY. WHAT A NICE WAY.
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fully red. sorry. totally disapointed as this is gonna a same story like other stories. the original writer made her character well but here u destroyed her character having sex with low class men. arousing is ok. totally destroyed the story.
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(03-01-2021, 06:33 PM)ab123456123456 Wrote: fully red. sorry. totally disapointed as this is gonna a same story like other stories. the original writer made her character well but here u destroyed her character having sex with low class men. arousing is ok. totally destroyed the story.
still my thanks for your feedback I just continued were it was left .
any way any feedback is valuable don't get so disappointed its just a story end of the day
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make her the whore and slut of low-class people and let hubby watch her fuck session through cam
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03-01-2021, 08:54 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-01-2021, 08:58 PM by creamydelight. Edited 2 times in total. Edited 2 times in total.)
(03-01-2021, 06:33 PM)ab123456123456 Wrote: fully red. sorry. totally disapointed as this is gonna a same story like other stories. the original writer made her character well but here u destroyed her character having sex with low class men. arousing is ok. totally destroyed the story.
I do not agree.
First thing is that original writer abandon, and has not said ever that it will be completed. Mouthinvader started his own thread and is making a good attempt.
Regarding the class/status of Susmita. Like the original writer, here also, mouthinvader (MI) is maintaining her as a sophisticated well elducaed married and working lady.
Even the original writer had The heroine followed/fucked by people who are less sophostisophi/educated than her. The heroine kept it secret from her husband and all the world. So as long as she is not running naked in a slum, she is still sophisticated enough. The whole attraction of the story is Sush's weird/inexplicable attraction to Rough men, conventionally unattractive men, less sophisticated but brutal looking men. MI is also maintaining that.
On top of that, MI has introduced a new angle of Sush being the dominating in one relationship (Beni) and more or less submissive in the other (Chuni). She'll be dominated/used by Chuni and she'll doninate Beni.
She's making a calculated decision. She is going to be used by Chuni because it has 3 advantages 1) thrill and sexual satisfaction. 2) big penthouse/flat. 3) dreams of political future that Chuni is showing her. It remains to be seen whether Chuni genuinely means what he says or he is just saying these things to fool Sush to enjoy her pussy (and ass?)
Yes, MI can improve his grammar and paragraph separation.
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(03-01-2021, 08:54 PM)creamydelight Wrote: I do not agree.
First thing is that original writer abandon, and has not said ever that it will be completed. Mouthinvader started his own thread and is making a good attempt.
Regarding the class/status of Susmita. Like the original writer, here also, mouthinvader (MI) is maintaining her as a sophisticated well elducaed married and working lady.
Even the original writer had The heroine followed/fucked by people who are less sophostisophi/educated than her. The heroine kept it secret from her husband and all the world. So as long as she is not running naked in a slum, she is still sophisticated enough. The whole attraction of the story is Sush's weird/inexplicable attraction to Rough men, conventionally unattractive men, less sophisticated but brutal looking men. MI is also maintaining that.
On top of that, MI has introduced a new angle of Sush being the dominating in one relationship (Beni) and more or less submissive in the other (Chuni). She'll be dominated/used by Chuni and she'll doninate Beni.
She's making a calculated decision. She is going to be used by Chuni because it has 3 advantages 1) thrill and sexual satisfaction. 2) big penthouse/flat. 3) dreams of political future that Chuni is showing her. It remains to be seen whether Chuni genuinely means what he says or he is just saying these things to fool Sush to enjoy her pussy (and ass?)
Yes, MI can improve his grammar and paragraph separation.
Thanks for the feedback i am trying in 3 genres of writing one story
I now i may not satisfy all
Let it progress if people still do not like i call always stops
End of the day this is a Erotic story tried write differently
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04-01-2021, 03:23 AM
(This post was last modified: 04-01-2021, 03:24 AM by creamydelight. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
(03-01-2021, 10:57 PM)mouthinvader Wrote: Thanks for the feedback i am trying in 3 genres of writing one story
I now i may not satisfy all
Let it progress if people still do not like i call always stops
End of the day this is a Erotic story tried write differently
Perfect. And no need to stop. Eagerly waiting for the update, a long update hopefully
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I THINK YOU (MI) SHOULD GIVE A LONG AND LONG UPDATE ABOUT HER POLITICAL APPEARANCE....
THANK YOU MI
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i think that the story line is always the writers prerogative.. some may like it some may not... i am liking it
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(04-01-2021, 09:41 AM)ab123456123456 Wrote: I THINK YOU (MI) SHOULD GIVE A LONG AND LONG UPDATE ABOUT HER POLITICAL APPEARANCE....
THANK YOU MI
Yes we will get to that in time
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(04-01-2021, 11:24 AM)fun.toosh Wrote: i think that the story line is always the writers prerogative.. some may like it some may not... i am liking it
will update shortly
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(04-01-2021, 03:23 AM)creamydelight Wrote: Perfect. And no need to stop. Eagerly waiting for the update, a long update hopefully
will update shortly
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Sushmita & construction guys – Ch5
Sush after the action filled evening with Beni was absolutely enthralled it was like you eat something special & you feel a longing for it all the time you so much like the taste and savour whenever you remember it, for Sush sex was becoming something like that it was like a Aphrodisiac she was enjoying it so much with the variety of her sexual indulgence the real thrill was her her husband had no inkling then she got down to the mundane task at hand making the evening dinner
Sush was listening to a old kishorda song as she finished cooking then suddenly like bolt of lightning it struck her my god I had that operation she felt grateful for her mom’s insistence , she and her hubby had decided after her child birth-Akash they will have no more issues & it was her mom telling beta already you are in a hospital do the sterilisation now and that ensured a permanent block to any pregnancy problems Sush thought what a great decision thinking about her spiced up sex life
Sush as she remembered her mom recalled the old story about a business man’s wife near her house in Lucknow she had heard hush hush stories about her affairs and once even heard their old servant maid telling her mom rather explicitly that lady is insatiable she will sleep with anyone to get satisfaction
This kindled her sexual curiosity she googled “insatiable ladies” she found there was a movie /series than a word struck “Nymphomaniac” ladies who masturbate even after sex and sleep with different men with excessive desire for sex, Sush felt a chill thrill my god I am in the process to become complete “nympho” but instead of being worried of that dubious status she was super thrilled
Sush who had a long bath after the session with Beni before she starting her house old chores was feeling hungry it was almost 9pm her husband Ajay had not even called or messaged but that is one of things she liked in their marriage no frantic calling or messaging if someone will be late its understood they will come eventually so she messaged her hubby Ajay will you join for dinner , quick return message said please finish Sush I will come home late attending small party with a client
Sush thought no chance of any sex he will be drunk but it was wishful thinking from Sush even in normal days they hardly had sex but with the tongue lashing she had got from Beni and all that kinky reading of those heady sexy stuff meant she did not mind a routine fuck from her hubby but with a drunk Ajay it was a strict no no
She then called her son Akash and had a quiet lunch one thing she really did not have to worry about was her son Akash was his academics he was a ultra-competitive guy in studies that invariably he came first or second & if he does not talk or is busy in the room and sulking means he has come second, then a thought struck her what a combination a Nerd ,a Nympho ,a Wimp my god this is a unreal family laughing laud on her perverse sense of humour.
After dinner Akash left kissing her cheeks as he left to his room, Sush sat on the hall checking her official mails in her laptop waiting for the drunken monk –Ajay her husband, Well suddenly she remembered tomorrow is a friday meant Saturday was a holiday for her and Akash too meaning pretty much Saturday and Sunday she cannot have much sexual action well then an idea struck her
Taking her mobile she sent a message to the Badshah she had saved him as BS ,she typed can you come and collect balance payment of your commission tomorrow morning please come sharp 8.15 Am – I have to leave office by 9am .
Sush had an implish smile on the implied meaning which only she and bada can understand that message simply meant you have 45 minutes to fuck me
Bada reply was even better ok I badly need the payment madam iam in total trouble I will show my thanks & appreciation personally madam I will be there 8.15am sharp.
Sush replied ok sorry for the delay in the payment
Sush was delighted and thrilled with the sexual innuendo and utter trashiness the inner meaning in these messages now set with tomorrow’s slutty plan she thought she will work for some time to clear her mind
Sush took the file on Chunni’s company checking his finances and all about him, my God she thought this guy does a turnover of 320 Crores he is a real big shot compared to her lower middle class existence and the plans he had for her seem to be very thought out Sush thought let’s get the ride of the life .
Sush then made neat note on his company “Aksar Builders” profile, finances, properties and assets also about Risks for the bank . She decided morning she will have a second look and forward to Branch Manager then she shutdown her system.
Just as she prepared to doze off her door bell shrilled breaking calmness of the night it was Ajay, Akash came to say hi daddy he asked what is this dad everyday you are coming after 10pm only in a semi serious tone
Ajay said sorry beta I will make it up to you ,why don’t we go for a small break this weekend my office has nice a bungalow in Gorai beach it has small pool and beach in its backside
Akash replied yes daddy yes that’s nice, Ajay looked at me asking Sush can we go on Saturday Sush with a smile if Akash says yes why are you asking with a smile
Sush : Seriously Ajay can you get the booking done in one day
A sheepish looking Ajay said to be frank I already did the booking I thought worst scenario if you guys don’t agree I can always cancel
Wow that’s great as both Sush and Akash gave him a bear hug as the family in that happy mood retired for the night but Sush was having last laugh with her erotic plans for the morning.
Contd ..
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04-01-2021, 09:22 PM
(This post was last modified: 04-01-2021, 09:37 PM by Steven Rajaa. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
Bitch in heat. Would like to see her getting impregnated by a low class man BS
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05-01-2021, 01:44 AM
(This post was last modified: 05-01-2021, 02:55 AM by creamydelight. Edited 1 time in total. Edited 1 time in total.)
(04-01-2021, 09:22 PM)Steven Rajaa Wrote: Bitch in heat. Would like to see her getting impregnated by a low class man BS
She can't get pregnant, sadly. Kinda takes out the thrill of accidental impregnation
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MI - Just to know
how often do you post an update? just a rough idea
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(04-01-2021, 09:22 PM)Steven Rajaa Wrote: Bitch in heat. Would like to see her getting impregnated by a low class man BS
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(05-01-2021, 01:44 AM)creamydelight Wrote: She can't get pregnant, sadly. Kinda takes out the thrill of accidental impregnation
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(05-01-2021, 01:44 AM)creamydelight Wrote: Nice short update.
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