Fantasy Choti si Bhool By Mr. Jatin ( COMPLETE )

[hirarandi]

Date 01-02-09
Aaj Sunday hai aur mai ghar par hun. shaam ka vakt hai aur 6 bajne waale hai. par ek ajeeb samashya aan khadi huyi hai.
Abhi abhi thodi der pehle door bell baji thi. maine darvaaje par aakar dekha to paya ki kisi ne darvaaje ke neeche se ek kaagaz ka tukda sarka rakha tha.
Maine kaagaz utha kar dekha to ush par leekha tha
“ritu mai tumhe sab kuch bataana chaahta hun, gate way of India ke saamne aa jao mai tumhaara intezaar kar raha hun. please ek baar meri baat shun lo phir kabhi mujh se baat mat karna. mai tumhaare liye hi mumbai aaya hun. mai tumhaara intezaar kar raha hun. Bas ek baar mil lo, Please”………..billu
maine kaagaz phaad kar fenk diya hai. billu ki koyi bhi baat shun-ne ka mera koyi iraada nahi hai. vaise bhi manish sachaayi ke kaafi karib hai.
Kal maine dipti ko phone kiya tha, ushne mujhe kaha tha, “ritu, ho sakta hai ki billu jeenda ho kyonki ushki laash nahi mili hai. manish ke anushaar ashok ke saath jo maare gaye hai unme se ek raju hai aur ek ashok ka ladka dinesh hai”
Maine kaha, “billu yaha mumbai mein hai dipti”
“kk..kya tumhe kaise pata” — dipti ne hairaani mein pucha.
Maine dipti ko 21 january ki puri ghatna shuna di.
“Arey tumne to kamaal kar diya….. par ye baat tum mujhe aaj bata rahi ho, tumhe pata hai na manish ishi kaam par laga hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
“Dipti ab mera kuch jaan-ne ka man nahi hai, saaf lag raha hai ki billu ki sanjay aur vivek se koyi dushmani hai aur sanjay se badla lene ke liye ushne mujhe barbaad kiya hai. yaad hai na vo khun se leekhi line “doctor ki to yahi saja hai par vakil ko har haal mein marna hoga” —- maine kaha
“Vo to mai bhi samajh rahi hun, par kya tum nahi jaan-na chahogi ki billu kyo sanjay aur vivek ke peeche pada hai” —- dipti ne pucha
“sanjay se mera divorce ho chuka hai dipti aur vivek se mera koyi lena dena nahi hai. baaki sanjay khud sab kuch sambhaal lenge, billu unke peeche pada hai to pada rahne do. Mai ish chakkar mein nahi padna chaahti” —- maine kaha.
“Vo to theek hai ritu, par manish kah raha tha ki bahut jald sachaayi hamaare saamne hogi” —- dipti ne kaha.
Ishliye Mera billu se milne ka koyi iraada nahi hai. sachaayi vaise bhi jaldi hi saamne aa jaayegi.
……………………..
Date : 2-02-09
Aaj subah ki shuruvaat bahut buri tarah huyi. Subah koyi 8 baje maine apni khidki se baahar jhaank kar dekha to paya ki mere flat ke bilkul saamne sadak par billu khada tha.
Mujhe khidki mein dekhte hi vo haath jod kar khada ho gaya, jaise ki kah raha ho ki please mujh se mil lo.
Maine jhat se khidki band kar di aur office ke liye taiyaar hone lagi.
Shaam ko jab ghar aayi to phir se mujhe apne ghar ke ander darvaaje ke paas ek kaagaz mila
Ush par leekha tha
“mai bahut der tak kal tumhaara intezar karta raha, tumhe sab kuch bata kar vaapas delhi jaana chaahta hun, mere paas yaha jyada vakt nahi hai. jaise taise yaha kisi friend ke paas rah raha hun. vo bhi ab pareshaan hone laga hai. meri financial position aisi nahi hai ki ish sahar mein jyada din tahar paaun. Tumhe sab kuch bata deta to dil ko tassalli milti. Tumhe bataaye bina mar gaya to meri aatma bhatakti rahegi. Meri jeendagi ka koyi bharosa nahi hai. kisi bhi vakt mai mar sakta hun, meri jaan ko har vakt khatra hai. please ek baar mil lo. Mai tumse aur kuch nahi chaahta”……………….billu
pata nahi kyon, ek man ho raha hai ki ek baar ushki baat shun lun, par phir ushki peechli harkate yaad aati hai. kya pata ye ushki koyi chaal ho, ush par vishvaas
karna mushkil hai.

[hirarandi]

Date 7-02-09
Peechle 5 dino se dekh rahi hun, billu roj subah mujhe office jaate vakt mere flat ke baahar mil jaata hai, aur jab mai vaapas aati hun to bhi mujhe vahi milta hai. ushke chehre par aisey bhaav rahte hai, jaise ki vo bahut innocent ho, lagta hi nahi hai ki ushi ne mujhe barbaad kiya hai. billu ka ye dushra hi roop dekh rahi hun. pata nahi kya raaj hai. mai ab dipti ke phone ka intezaar kar rahi hun. kal ushne bataaya tha ki bas ek dau din ki baat hai sachaayi saamne aa jaayegi. Roj mujhe office se aate hi ghar ke ander darvaaje ke niche billu ki leekhi chit milti hai. roj yahi leekha hota hai ki “aaj phir mai gate way of India par tumhaara intezaar karunga, ho sake to aa jao”
Par mai ush se milne kaise chali jaaun, jo ushne mere saath kiya hai ushe mai kabhi nahi bhula sakti. aur kya pata vo mujhe kaun si kahaani shunayega. Baatein banaane mein to vo expert hai hi. Kya pata koyi nayi chaal chal raha ho.
Ishliye mai billu ko ignore karke apne kaam par dhyaan de rahi hun.
———
Raat ke 10 baj rahe hai. abhi thodi der pehle papa se phone par lambi baat ki.
“bete sidharth ka phone aaya tha, tumne bataaya nahi ki vo vahi mumbai mein hai, bahut acha ladka hai” —- papa ne kaha
“ji papa mujhe dhyaan hi nahi raha, sidharth hamaari company ka CA hai, aksar office mein ush se mulaakat ho jaati hai, par ushne aapko kyo phone kiya” —– maine hairaani mein pucha.
“Beta, vo tumse shaadi karna chaahta hai, mujh se kah raha tha ki aap maan jao to ritu bhi maan jaayegi. Mai to pehle bhi tum logo ke saath hi tha, bas ushke papa ki izaazart ke bina kuch nahi hone dena chaahta tha. Acha ladka hai, ushke saath tum jeendagi ki nayi shuruvaat kar sakti ho, baaki sab kuch tumhaare upar hai, mai tumhe kuch nahi kahunga, jaisa tumhe acha lage karo, mai tumhaare saath hun.” —- papa ne kaha
aaj tak maine papa ki baat nahi taali hai, ishliye maine unhe kuch nahi kaha ki mai kya chaahti hun. mai soch rahi hun ki ab sidharth se hi baat karungi.
Date : 8-02-09
Aaj man bahut udaas hai chintoo ka birthday hai aur mai ushke paas nahi hun, par kya karun ush se milne bhi nahi ja sakti. nayi nayi naukri join ki hai, aur phir abhi kaam bhi jyada hai. subah ka vakt hai soch rahi hun ki mandir chali jaaun. Shaayad man ko kuch sakun miley. Vaise bhi aaj Sunday hai aur mere paas kaafi vakt hai
———–
11:30 am (8-02-09)
mandir mein ghuste hi mujhe ek anokha sa sakun mila. Mandir mein bahut pyara bhajan chal raha tha.
♫♪♫….. hare krishna… hare krishne…..krishna krishna….hare.. hare.. hare rama…hare rama… rama rama.. hare…hare….♫♪♫
Kisi ne sach hi kaha hai ki jab aap bhagvaan ke paas haath jod kar jaate hai to bhagvaan aapko gale laga lete hai. kuch aisa hi ahsaash mujhe ho raha tha.
ye bhajan meri anter aatma mein utarta chala gaya. Bahut dino baad man ko kuch shaanti mili. par ye shaanti jyada der nahi rah paayi.
mai bhagvaan ke aage aankhe band karke khadi thi aur man hi man chintoo ke liye lambi umar ki kaamna kar rahi thi. apne liye mai kya maangti bas yahi duva kar rahi thi ki hey bhagvaan mujhe hamesha ache raste par rakhna. Mujhe itni shakti dena ki jab bhi mere saamne dau raste aayein to mai sahi raste ka chunaav kar sakun.
Sabhi kuch acha chal raha tha. aankhe band karke mein ander hi ander kho gayi thi aur hare krishna hare rama bhajan mere kaano mein gunj raha tha.
Achaanak mujhe ek awaaj shunaayi di
“bhagvaan mujhe aapse kuch nahi chaahiye, vaise bhi jo tha vo to aapne pehle hi cheen liya hai, agar mujhe kuch dene ko bacha ho to vo ish devi ko de do. mai jyada din nahi jeena chaahta, meri umar aap ish devi ko laga do. aur ye devi aapse jo bhi maangti hai de do bhagvaan mai ish devi ko bahut pyar karta hun…”
maine hairaani mein aankhe khol kar dekha aur chonk gayi..
billu mere paas aankhe band karke bhagvaan ke aage haath jode khada tha. maine man hi man mein socha ki ishki himmat kaise ho gayi yaha aane ki aur aise mere saath khade hone ki.
maine pujaari se parsaad liya aur jhat se mandir se baahar aa gayi.
“ritu ruk jao, please…. ek baar meri baat to shun lo, mai bas tumhe kuch bataana chaahta hun, aur to kuch nahi chaahta, please….” —- billu ne mere peeche aate huve kaha.
Mai ruk gayi aur peeche mud kar ushe kaha, “billu agar tum mein jara si bhi sharam baaki hai to yaha se chale jao. Aur mujhe tumse kuch nahi shun-na. Vaise bhi mujhe kaafi kuch pata chal gaya hai. mera peecha chhod do aur yaha se dafa ho jao.”
mandir mere flat ke nazdeek hi tha, ishliye teji se chal kar mai apne ghar aa gayi. mujhe bahut bura lag raha tha ki vo mere peeche mandir tak aa gaya. pata nahi billu aisa kyo kar raha hai ?
raat ke 11 bajne ko hai aur man bahut bechan ho raha hai. ye bechani sidharth ke kaaran hai. samajh nahi aata ki ushe kaise samjhaaun.
Jaise hi mai mandir se aayi thi sidharth ghar aa gaya tha.
“Ritu mai bina bataaye aa gaya, tum bura to nahi maanogi” —- sidharth ne hanste huve pucha.
“Nahi koyi baat nahi, baitho mai coffee banaati hun” — maine kaha.
Mai khud ush se milna chaahti thi. ab jab ushne papa se baat kar li thi to ushe sab kuch bataana jaroori ho gaya tha.
“Ritu, maine kal tumhaare dady se baat ki thi, shaayad unhone tumhe bataaya hoga. Vo to taiyaar hai, ab bas tumhare haan kahne ki der hai, jo sapna hum pehle pura nahi kar paaye the vo ab kar sakte hai. tum bataao, kya mujh se shaadi karogi” ? — sidharth ne coffee peete huve pucha.
“hmm…. Sidharth I respect you a lot. You are real gentleman. Any women would love to marry you. But..” —- maine kaha
“but kya, vo women tum kyo nahi ho sakti ? aakhir tum kyo mujh se shaadi nahi karna chaahti ? bahaana bana rahi ho hai na, tumhe shaayad ab mai acha nahi lagta” ? — sidharth ne emotional tone mein kaha.
“Aisi baat nahi hai sidharth, meri jeendagi uljhi huyi hai, mai tumhe kaise samjhaun” —- maine kaha.
“Mujhe moka to do mai tumhaari har uljhan dur kar dunga, par aisey bahaana mat banaao. Mai tumhe bahut pyar karta hun aur tum mujhe sata rahi ho” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Mai tumhe sata nahi rahi hun sidharth, mai tumhe kaise bataaun, acha ruko mai tumhe kuch deti hun” — maine sidharth se kaha.
“Kya ritu” ? —- sidharth ne pucha.
Mai apne bedroom mein gayi aur apni diary ley aayi. Mai sidharth ko apne muh se sab kuch nahi bata sakti thi. ishliye sidharth ko apni diary dene ka faisala kiya.
“Ye lo sidharth tum ishe padh lo, tum khud samajh jaaoge ki aaj mai kish haalaat mein hun” —- maine sidharth ko apni diary dete huve kaha.
“Kya hai ish diary mein ritu, tum khud kyo nahi bata deti” ? —- sidharth ne pucha.
“Tum khud padh lo sidharth, tab tak mai lunch banaati hun” —– maine kaha
“wow…. kya tum mujhe apne haath ka khaana khilaaogi, aaj to maja aa jayega, bahut dino se maine ghar ka khana nahi khaaya, tumhe to pata hi hai, mai bhi tumhaari tarah yaha mumbai mein akela rah raha hun, aksar baahar hi khaana padta hai” —– sidharth ne mushkurate huve kaha.
“Haan sidharth hum daono saath lunch karenge. Aur haan ish diary mein leekhi kahaani ho sakta hai tumhe bhaddi lage. Dar-asal maine kuch nahi chupaaya. Jo kuch bhi mere saath peechle dino huva hai sab kuch sach sach leekh diya hai ” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai mai padhta hun tum jaldi se lunch banaao mai khaana khane ke liye mara ja raha hun” sidharth ne kaha.
Mai kitchen mein khaana banaane lagi aur sidharth meri diary padhne mein busy ho gaya.
Jaise hi mai lunch bana kar kitchen se baahar aayi to maine dekha ki vo diary ko ek taraf rakh kar chupchaap baitha hai.
Maine pucha “lunch taiyaar hai sidharth kya lunch karein”
“Ritu ye sab kaise ho gaya, mujhe bilkul vishwaas nahi ho raha. mai samajh nahi pa raha hun ki kaise react karun” —- sidharth ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
“Lunch karte hai sidharth, mai ish baare mein koyi baat nahi kar paaungi. haan itna jaroor kahungi ki ish diary ki ek ek baat sach hai. sach ke alawa maine ish mein kuch nahi leekha.” — maine kaha.
“Ritu acha kiya tumne mujhe ye diary de di. Mere dil mein tumhaare liye samman aur badh gaya hai. mujhe acha laga ki tumne sanjay ko sab kuch sach sach bata diya tha. ” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“par sach bataane mein maine der kar di thi sidharth. ” —- maine sidharth se kaha.
“ritu, agar tum sochti ho ki ish diary mein leekhi baate hamaari shaadi mein rukaavat hai to tum galat ho. Haan mujhe bura laga, balki bahut bura laga, par jaise jaise mai padhta gaya mujhe ye bhi laga ki tum ek achi inshaan ho jishmein ki ache bure ki samajh baaki hai. tumhe apni galti ka ahsaash hai, aur kya chaahiye. mai tumse shaadi karne ke liye taiyaar hun. mujhe ish diary se koyi matlab nahi hai. tum ishmein aag laga do aur sab kuch bhul kar meri jeendagi mein aa jao. Hum dauno nayi shuruvaat karte hai” sidharth ne kaha.
Aisa lag raha tha jaise ki sidharth mere pyar mein andha ho gaya hai
“Oh no sidharth ye diary tumhe dene ka ye matlab nahi tha. tum samajhte kyo nahi ho. Mai abhi bahut uljhan mein hun” —– maine kaha.

[hirarandi]

Ritu mai tumhe abhi shaadi karne ko nahi kah raha hun. ab jab maine ye diary padh li hai to mai samajh sakta hun. tum aaraam se apne kaam par dhyaan dau. Aur rahi ush billu ki baat mujhe dikhaao ki vo kaun hai, ushki akal mai theekane lagaata hun” —— sidharth ne kaha.
Maine apne flat ki sadak ki taraf wali khidki se baahar jhaank kar dekha. Par billu vaha nahi deekha.
“Abhi vo yaha nahi hai. par jab bhi mai subah office jaati hun aur jab shaam ko vaapas aati hun to vo aajkal mere flat ke saamne sadak par milta hai” —- maine kaha
“tum chinta mat karo mai kal subah 9 baje aa jaaunga. Tum company ki car mein mat jaana, hum saath chalenge, theek hai. mai dekhna chaahta hun ki ye billu aakhir kya bala hai” — sidharth ne kaha.
Phir hum daono ne lunch kiya.
Lunch karne ke baad sidharth ne kaha, “tum soch lo ritu, tumhaare paas bahut vakt hai, par mai shaadi tum se hi karunga, I love you from the bottom of my heart. bade se bada toofaan bhi mere pyar ko nahi hila sakta. Ye tumhaari diary bhi nahi. I will wait for you. Ab mai chalta hun, kisi client ke paas jaana hai. kal subah miltey hai theek hai”
Ushki baat shun kar meri aankho mein aanshu aane ko ho gaye. Par maine khud ko thaam liya. pata nahi sidharth mujhe itna pyar kyo karta hai. mujhe yakin nahi tha ki vo ye diary padh kar bhi aisi baat kahega. Yahi kaaran hai ki mai bechan hun. ab sidharth ko mai kaise mana karungi, samajh nahi pa rahi hun.
==========
Date : 9-02-09 11:30 pm
Aaj bahut bade raaj se parda khul gaya
Aaj subah subah alarm ki bajaaye mujhe dipti ke phone ne uthaaya.
Subah 7 baje mera phone baj utha.
“dipti hi…., kya baat hai, itni subah kyo phone kiya” —- maine hairaani mein pucha
“ritu bahut badi baat pata chali hai, abhi abhi manish ka phone aaya tha. saari guthi sulajhati nazar aa rahi hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
Mai jhat se apne bed par baith gayi aur kaha, “acha, jaldi bataao kya pata chala hai”
“ye saari kahaani ek hi naam par ja kar ruk gayi hai, vo hai kavita” —- dipti ne kaha
“ kavita … kaun kavita, ab ye kavita kaha se aa gayi” — maine pucha
“sanjay ke clinic mein nurse thi vo, tum to ushe jaanti hogi” —- dipti ne pucha
“oh haan…. yaad aaya… tum ush kavita ki baat kar rahi ho. Bahut achi aur sarif ladki thi. ek baar chintoo ke birthday par ghar bhi aayi thi. meri ush se achi bol chaal thi. par vo to koyi 2 saal pahle clinic chhod kar chali gayi thi”
“she is missing ritu, 2 saal se vo gaayab hai, ushke saath kya huva, vo ab kaha hai, jeenda hai bhi ya nahi …kisi ko nahi pata” ??? —- dipti ne kaha.
“Ohh mujhe ish baare mein nahi pata tha, ek baar jab mein clinic gayi thi to sanjay se pucha tha ki kavita kaha hai, unhone to yahi kaha tha ki vo vaha se kaam chhod kar chali gayi” — maine kaha
“sanjay to yahi kahega, kyonki ho sakta hai ki kavita ke gaayab hone mein ushka haath ho, manish ko ish baare mein shak hai. haan par vivek ka ishmein pakka haath hai” —- dipti ne kaha
“par mere saath jo kuch huva, ush se kavita ka kya lena dena dipti” — maine hairaani mein pucha.
“billu kavita ka chota bhai hai ritu. aur ye pata chala hai ki vo 2 saal se apni sister ko dhund raha hai. Bahut pyar karta hai vo kavita ko. Ushke ma baap ke marne ke baad kavita ne hi ushe pala hai. security officer kuch nahi kar rahi. ya phir ye samajh lo ki kisi ke dabaav ke kaaran security officer kuch karna nahi chaahti. Manish billu ke delhi wale ghar gaya tha. vaha pata chala hai ki billu to bahut sarif aur nek ladka hai”
“bas-bas mujhe pata hai vo kitna nek hai, haan par kavita ke liye mujhe dukh hai, bahut mehanti thi vo. Mai jab bhi clinic jaati thi ushe kaam karte huve hi paati thi. sanjay bhi ushki kaafi taarif karte the, kahte the ki kavita ne akele hi kaafi kaam sambhaal rakha hai” —- maine dipti se kaha.
“Kavita ke hi kaaran manish par ush din jaan leva hamla huva tha. mujhe yakin hai ki sanjay aur vivek nahi chaahte ki kisi ko pata chale ki kavita ke gaayab hone mein unka haath hai. vo hamla un dauno ne hi karvaaya hoga” —– dipti ne kaha
“sanjay aisa nahi karenge, haan vivek kuch bhi kar sakta hai. par vo to mar gaya hoga. Maine khud ushe goli maari thi.” —- maine kaha.
“Ish baare mein mujhe nahi pata. Par itna jaroor saaf ho gaya hai ki billu kavita ke kaaran hi tumhaare peeche pada tha. shaayad ushe shak hoga ki kavita ke gaayab hone mein sanjay ka haath hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
“Ish se ushka gunaah kam nahi ho jaata” — maine kaha.
“Vo to theek hai ritu, mai to bas billu ka motive bata rahi thi. par yaar manish ab kavita ke case par lag gaya hai. he is taking it personally now, vo samajh hi nahi raha hai ki ish mein ushki jaan ko khatra hai, mujhe dar lag raha hai” —– dipti ne kaha
“dipti lagta hai vo ziddi hai. tum bas ushe ye samjaao ki apna khyaal rakhe. Mujhe nahi lagta ki ushe samjhaane ka koyi faayda hoga. Aur tum daro mat ab to vo bilkul theek hai, hai na”
“kaha theek hai, ladkhada kar chalta hai abhi bhi, par chalo, ab mai chalti hun, mujhe office ke liye bhi taiyaar hona hai” —- dipti ne kaha
“ohh… mai bhi late ho rahi hun, bye phir fursat mein baat karenge” — maine kaha
maine jaldi se fresh ho kar breakfast kiya aur office ke liye taiyaar ho gayi. par har pal mere man mein dipti ki kahi baatein ghum rahi thi.
maine khidki se baahar jhaank kar dekha, vaha koyi nahi tha. maine socha ki shaayad billu thodi der mein aane wala hoga.
Theek 9 baje sidharth ne door bell bajaayi.
Jaise hi maine darvaaja khola ushne pucha, “ baahar sadak par to koyi nahi hai, ye diary tumhari koyi fiction story to nahi hai”
Nahi sidharth billu roj subah sadak par khada milta hai. aaj shaayad vo nahi aaya. Phir maine sidharth ko subah waali baat bata di. Maine ushe vo sab kuch bata diya jo ki dipti ne mujhe bataaya tha.
“hmm…..very sad… but still, billu is a criminal” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Haan mein bhi yahi sochti hun” —- maine kaha
jaise hi mai apne ghar se sidharth ke saath nikli meri aankhe charo taraf billu ko hi dhund rahi thi. mai ush se milna to nahi chaahti thi, haan par ye jaroor soch rahi thi ki aakhir vo aaj yaha kyon nahi aaya.
“Billu ko hi dhund rahi ho, hai na” ? —- sidharth ne emotional tone mein pucha
Maine ushki aur dekha aur boli, “mai hairaan hun ki aaj vo kyo nahi aaya”
“Acha hi to hai, ush se ab tumhe kya matlab, bhaad mein jaaye vo” —- sidharth ne thoda gusse mein kaha
mein samajh gayi ki sidharth ko hurt huva hai. mai chupchaap ushki car mein baith gayi aur yaha vaha dekhna band kar diya.
kitni ajeeb baat hai, kayi baar hum aisi harkate kar jaate hai ki hamein bhi nahi pata chalta ki hum kyo kar rahe hai. dar-asal subah dipti se baat karne ke baad mai billu se ek baar milna chaahti thi. yahi kaaran tha ki mai subah ushe sadak par na paa kar hairaan ho rahi thi. sidharth ko ye baat buri lagni hi thi. vo mujhe pyar jo karta hai.
saara din office mein bada hi mushkil beeta. Man kar raha tha ki abhi ghar chali jaaun, billu jaroor mere flat ke aas paas hi hoga. Ek ek pal mera badi mushkil se beet raha tha. kavita ka chehra bhi baar baar mere man mein ghum raha tha. mai ye bhi soch rahi thi ki agar billu itna nek hai to mere saath itni ghinoni harkat kyo ki ushne. Jo bhi ho, mai ek baar billu se milna chaahti thi.
maine lunch time mein apne office ke baahar bhi dekha, par vo vaha bhi nazar nahi aaya. Maine socha ki ho sakta hai vo delhi chala gaya ho. Phir khyaal aaya ki shaam ko ghar jaate vakt vo jaroor sadak par mil jaayega.
Ishi udhedbun mein mera har pal beet raha tha.
5:30 baje mein jhat se sabhi kaam nipta kar ghar ke liye nikal padi. Bahut bechan thi mai ghar pahunchane ke liye.
mera ghar aa gaya par billu kahi nazar nahi aa raha tha. maine car se utar kar charo aur nazar daudaayi par dur dur tak mujhe billu ki parchaayi tak nahi deekhi. Maine man hi man socha kaha chala gaya aaj vo ?
driver ne pucha, “madam kishi ko dhund rahe ho kya:”
“nahi tum jao aur kal time par aa jaana” —- maine driver se kaha.
Mai teji se apne flat ki taraf chal padi. Chalte chalte soch rahi thi ki jaroor billu ne aaj bhi koyi chit chhodi hogi
Par aaj koyi chit nahi thi
“Billu kaha gaya, kya vo vaapas delhi chala gaya, vaise vo kah to raha tha ki meri financial position theek nahi hai, mai yaha jyada der nahi tahar sakta” ——- Yahi sab mere deemag mein ghum raha tha.
Phir mujhe khyaal aaya ki gate way of India par jaakar dekhti hun, vo jaroor vahi hoga.
Sidharth ne mujhe bataaya tha ki gate way of India tumhaare ghar se walking distance par hai
Maine jhat se ghar ko lock kiya aur paidal hi logo se puchte puchte gate way of India ki taraf chal padi.
Aur jaisa ki mujhe lag raha tha, billu mujhe vahi mila. vo gate way of India ke paas jo samunder ke charo aur deevar bani hai ush se sat kar khada tha.
Ushka chehra samunder ki aur tha aur aisa lag raha tha jaise ki vo gahre vichaaro mein khoya hai.
Mai ushke karib aa gayi. par vo jaise ek murti ki tarah khada tha aur ek tak samunder ko dekhe ja raha tha. aisa lag raha tha jaise ki ushe hosh hi nahi hai ki ushke aas paas kya ho raha hai.
Mai bilkul ushke peeche khadi thi. samajh nahi pa rahi thi ki ushe kaise bulaaun.
“Billu, kavita ke baarein mein shun kar dukh huva” —- maine dheere se kaha.
Par billu ke sharir mein koyi harkat nahi huyi. Vo vaise hi murti ki tarah vaha khada raha
Maine ushke kandhe par haath rakha aur kaha, “billu mujhe kavita ke liye dukh hai”
Vo dheere se meri aur ghuma aur maine ushki aankho mein aanshu dekhe. Yakin hi nahi ho raha tha ki billu ro bhi sakta hai. ushki aankho mein aanshu dekh kar meri aankhe bhi nam ho gayi.
Vo mere gale lag gaya aur phoot phoot kar rone laga aur bola, “ pata nahi kaha gaayab kar diya meri didi ko kamino ne ritu”
Mai bhi bhaavuk ho gayi. maine ushe rokne ki koshis nahi ki. billu aaj ek bacha lag raha tha. mai soch bhi nahi sakti thi ki vo ish tarah ro sakta hai.
Mai ushe chaah kar bhi apne sheene se nahi hata paayi. Charo aur log hamein hi dekh rahe the. Tabhi maine dur se sidharth ko aate dekha. Mai sidharth ko dekh kar hadbada gayi. soch rahi thi ki pata nahi vo kya sochega mujhe billu ke saath aisi haalat mein dekh kar.

[hirarandi]

Maine billu se kaha, billu bas hat jao, log hamein hi dekh rahe hai
Maine ushke kandho ko pakda aur ushe dur hataane ki koshis ki par tabhi vo mere haath se chhut kar jamin par gir gaya.
“Billu utho….. kya ho gaya tumhe” —- maine billu ko hilaate huve kaha
Tabhi sidharth bhi vaha aa gaya.
“Kya huva ishe ritu” —- sidharth ne pucha
pata nahi sidharth abhi mere gale lag kar bahut ro raha tha, achaanak neeche gir gaya
“ohh ye behosh ho gaya hai. ishe hospital ley chaltey hai, hato mai ishe uthaata hun” —- sidharth ne mujhe billu ke upar se hataate huve kaha.
Sidharth ne billu ko apne dauno haato mein utha liya aur utha kar apni car ki taraf chal diya aur bola, “jaldi chalo ritu sochne ka vakt nahi hai, pata nahi ishe kya huva hai”
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya ho raha hai. par ye sach tha ki mai billu ke liye bahut pareshaan thi. aisa kyon tha. ishka mere paas koyi jawaab nahi hai.
Sidharth ne billu ko car ki peechli sheet par leta diya aur hum dauno aage baith gaye.
“Kya kah raha tha billu” — sidharth ne pucha
“kuch nahi ushne bas ek hi baat kahi ki ‘pata nahi kaha gaayab kar diya meri didi ko kamino ne ritu’ aur phir phoot phoot kar rone laga” — maine sidharth se kaha
“hmm…… lagta hai kisi gahre shock mein hai vo” — sidharth ne kaha
“haan hoga hi sidharth, ushki didi gaayab hai 2 saal se” —- maine kaha
jaldi hi sidharth ne car ek clinic ke baahar rok di.
Sidharth ne jhat se billu ko car se baahar nikaala aur ushe utha kar seedha clinic mein ghuss gaya.
Pata nahi sidharth ye sab kyo kar raha tha. par itna jaroor tha ki ish se ye baat saabit ho rahi thi ki sidharth bahut acha inshaan hai. kyonki vo ush ladke ki madad kar raha tha jishke kaaran vo subah hurt huva tha.
Doctor ne billu ko glucose chadhaya aur check karne ke baad kaha.
“Lagta hai koyi bahut gahra mental shock laga hai ishe. Par ishe khaana to theek se khilaaya karo aap log. Lagta hai 2-3 din se ishne kuch nahi khaaya hai” —- doctor ne kaha
maine man hi man mein socha “ohh god kya billu ki financial position itni khraab thi ki ushke paas khaane tak ko paise nahi the”. aur meri aankho mein aanshu bhar aaye. kaisi ajeeb baat ho rahi thi. mai ush billu ke liye aanshu baha rahi thi jishne mujhe barbaad kiya tha. jeendagi bhi ajeeb khel khelti hai.
Chapter 4 part 3
Aisa nahi tha ki billu se meri naraazgi dur ho gayi thi, aur na hi aisa tha ki maine ushe maaf kar diya tha, par phir bhi ek inshaan hone ke naate mai billu ke liye pareshaan thi.chaahe ushne mujhe barbaad kiya ho par phir bhi ushka mujh se koyi na koyi sambandh to tha hi.
Billu ko thodi hi der mein hosh aa gaya. Vo hadbada kar ek dam se uth gaya aur bola, “mai kaha hun”
Mai vahi ushke karib hi thi, sidharth bhi mere saath hi khada tha.
Maine kaha, “billu tum behosh ho gaye the, abhi tum clinic mein ho, chinta mat karo sab theek hai”
“Kuch theek nahi hai ritu, mujhe tumse akele mein baat karni hai” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
Sidharth ne meri aur dekha aur maine ushe aankho hi aankho mein vaha se baahar jaane ki request ki.
Sidharth mera ishaara samajh gaya, aur baahar chala gaya. Bahut hi ajeeb pal tha vo mere liye. soch rahi thi ki kahi sidharth ko bura na feel ho ki mai billu se baat kyo karna chaahti hun. par pata nahi kyo mai billu ki baat shun-na chaahti thi
sidharth ke jaane ke baad billu bola, “
baith jao ritu”
pehle tum kuch khaa lo billu doctor kah raha tha ki tumne 2-3 din se kuch nahi khaaya, kya tumhaari financial position itni khraab hai
meri baat shun kar vo thodi der tak meri aur dekhta raha, jaise ki mere chehre par kuch padh raha ho.
Maine ushe dhyaan se dekha to paya ki ushki aankhe nam thi. vo nam aankhe liye mujhe dekhe ja raha tha.
Vo bola, “kya tumhe meri chinta ho rahi hai ritu, aisa mat karo mai ish laayak nahi hun”
“Nahi aisi baat nahi hai, doctor kah raha tha ki tumne kuch dino se kuch nahi khaaya ishliye kah rahi thi” —- maine kaha
“financial position itni bhi kharab nahi hai. kal jab tumne mandir ke baahar mujhe yaha se dafa ho jaane ko kaha to meri umeed tut gayi. lag raha tha ki tumse mile bina hi yaha se jaana padega. ishliye kal mera kuch khaane ka man nahi huva. Aur aaj ishliye nahi kha paya kyonki aaj meri didi kavita ka birthday hai aur mujhe kuch nahi pata ki vo kaha hai, kish haal mein hai, ish duniya mein hai bhi ya nahi. aisi haalat mein koyi kaise khaana khaayega ritu. Mai ek bhai ka farz neebhaane mein naakaam raha hun.” —- billu ne emotinal ho kar kaha.
“Billu mai samajh rahi hun, pehle tum khaana kha lo phir baat karenge, mai tumhaari baat shun-ne key liye taiyaar hun” —– maine kaha
“nahi ritu tumhe sab kuch bataaye bina ek nivaala bhi mere muh se nahi utrega, pehle meri baat shun lo, khaana peena to hota rahega” —— billu meri aur dekh kar bola
“Chalo theek hai, shunaao mai shun rahi hun” — maine kaha
“pehle ye bataao kaisi ho tum” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha
“kaisi lag rahi hun billu………….. bas jee rahi hun, varna to ab bacha hi kya hai” —- maine bhavuk ho kar kaha.
“Samajh sakta hun, peechle 2 saal se meri bhi yahi haalat hai” ——- billu ne kaha
“ishliye tumne meri bhi yahi haalat kar di”
? —– maine pucha
“haalaat hi kuch aise the ritu, varna aaj tak maine kisi ko nukshaan nahi pahunchaaya, shuno mai tumhe puri baat deatail mein bataata hun.” —– billu ne kaha
maine kaha, “haan shunaao mai jaan-na chaahti hun ki meri barbaadi ka kya kaaran hai”
billu ke shabdo mein :—–
ritu, meri didi kavita mere liye sab kuch thi. mere parents koyi 10 saal pehle ek accident mein maare gaye the. Ushke baad meri didi kavita ne hi mujhe paal posh kar itna bada kiya hai. vo koyi tumse 3 saal badi hongi.
didi ne jab 2005 mein faridabad mein sanjay ke clinic mein join kiya tha to vo kaafi khus thi. Par mein unke saath faridabad nahi aa sakta tha. tab mai b.com second year mein tha. ishliye delhi mein hi rahta tha. par kabhi kabhi didi se milne aa jata tha.
sab kuch acha chal raha tha. mai didi ke liye koyi ladka dhund raha tha. vaise vo hamesha kahti thi ki tum chinta mat karo apni padhaayi par dhyaan do, mai khud sab kuch sambhaal lungi. Par mai ye ache se jaanta tha ki unhe mere kaaran apni shaadi ki chinta nahi hai.
khair maine didi ke liye ek ladka dhund hi liya. ladka sarif tha aur ushke ghar vaalo ki koyi demand bhi nahi thi. hamaari haalat vaise bhi aisi nahi thi ki jyada dahej de saken. ladka settle tha, aur bank mein P.O tha.
maine 2-02-2007 ki subah ko didi ko phone karke bataaya ki aap chhuti ley kar delhi aa jao, maine ek ladka pasand kiya hai, ladke vaale aapko dekhna chaahte hai.
pehle to unhone mujhe daanta ki apni padhaayi chhod kar bekaar ke kaam mein kyon lage ho, par phir vo delhi aane ke liye maan gayi aur mujhe kaha, “ lagta hai, ab tum badey ho gaye ho”
ye bol mujhe abhi tak yaad hai kyonki ushke baad aaj tak mai didi ki awaaj ke liye taras raha hun. har pal lagta hai ki abhi phone bajega, abhi koyi aahat hogi aur didi mujhe kahegi, “billu tum padhaayi kyon nahi kar rahe”
3-2-07…ko mai sara din bechain raha. subah se dopahar huyi aur dopahar se shaam, ladke wale bahut der tak baith kar chale gaye. Jaate jaate kah gaye, “koyi baat nahi beta, hum phir kabhi aa jaayenge”
mai didi ka mobile no. try kar-kar ke thak gaya. Har baar unka mobile switched off aa raha tha.mujhe lag raha tha ki kuch na kuch gadbad hai, varna didi kabhi apna mobile off nahi rakhti hai.
shaam ke koyi 6 baje maine faridabad jaane ka faisala kiya. Ek ghanta to delhi ke ISBT pahunchne mein hi lag gaya. Mai koyi 9 baje faridabad pahunch gaya aur seedha vaha pahunch gaya jaha didi paying guest thi. par vaha mujhe lock mila. maine aas paas ke logo se pucha to unhone bataaya ki unhone kal se kavita ko nahi dekha. Ek lady ne ye bhi bataaya ki kal se vo vaha aayi hi nahi thi.
phir maine didi ke clinic matlab ki sanjay ke clinic jaane ka faisala kiya.
Clinic pahunch kar maine sanjay se pucha, “doctor meri sister kavita kaha hai” ?
Ushne mujhe ghur kar dekha aur bola, “vo to yaha se kaam chhod kar chali gayi, mujhe nahi pata vo kaha hai”
Ye shun kar mai hairaan rah gaya. Mai soch raha tha ki, didi ne to aisa kuch nahi bataaya, abhi kal hi to unse meri baat huyi thi.
Mai mayusi bhara chehra lekar clinic se baahar aa gaya.
Tabhi mujhe yaad aaya ki didi aksar kishi veena joseph ke baare mein baat karti thi. veena joseph ne didi ko nursing field mein kaafi practical tips di thi.
Mai phir se clinic mein ghuss gaya aur ek nurse se pucha “kya aap veena joseph ko jaanti hai” ?
Ushne mujhe haath se ishaara kiya ki vo saamne veena joseph hi khadi hai.
Mai veena joseph ke paas gaya aur unse pucha ki meri didi kavita kaha hai.
Unhone mujhe dheere se kaha ki clinic ke baahar wait karo mein baahar aati hun.
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki vo aisa kyo kah rahi hai
Mai clinic ke baahar aa gaya aur thodi der mein veena joseph bhi aa gayi. rah rah kar mujhe didi ki chinta ho rahi thi. yahi soch raha tha ki aakhir vo kaha hai.
Veena joseph ne mujhe bataaya, “beta kal kavita shaam ko sanjay ke cabin mein gayi thi. kah rahi thi ki ek din ki chuti maangne jaa rahi hun. par jab vo baahar nikli to ushki aankho mein aanshu the. vo bina kisi se kuch kahe clinic se nikal gayi. Ushke peeche peeche maine sanjay ke dost vivek ko jaate dekha. Bas itna hi mujhe pata hai. aaj vo clinic nahi aayi. Maine doctor se pucha to unhonr mujhe yahi bataaya ki vo kaam chhod kar chali gayi. vaise kavita yaha kuch dino se pareshaan thi. ye vivek aksar ushke saath ched-chad karta tha. kayi baar maine khud apni aankho se ushe kavita ko chedte dekha hai. par kal jaroor kuch jyada huva hoga, ishliye ushki aankho mein aanshu the.
Ye shun kar mera dil baith gaya, mai soch bhi nahi sakta tha ki didi ke saath aisa hoga
Maine pucha, “kya jab kavita baahar aayi thi, tab doctor sanjay bhi ander the”
Veena joseph ne bataaya, “ haan dr. sanjay ander hi the”
Ye sunte hi meri rago mein khun daud gaya. Mai bhaag kar sanjay ke cabin mein ghuss gaya aur ushe itna maara ki ushke muh se khun nikalne laga. par tabhi na jaane kaha se vivek bhi vaha aa gaya aur dauno ne mujhe kaabu kar liya. mai phir bhi unhe sambhaal leta par vivek ke paas pistol thi.
“Kaun hai ye sanjay” — vivek ne pucha.
“Ye kavita ka bhai hai vivek, tu ish par nishaana laga kar rakh mai ishe bataata hun ki kaise kishi ko maara jaata hai” ——- sanjay ne vivek se kaha
sanjay ne mere pet mein, muh par… har taraf ghusson ki bochar kar di
mai gir gaya, kya karta vaise bhi vivek ne mere upar bandook taan rakhi thi
“ohh haan yaad aaya mera mobile kaha hai, ishe aisi maut dunga ki tadap tadap kar marega saala haraami, mujh par haath uthaayega” —- sanjay ne kaha
sanjay ne meri aankho ke aage apna mobile kiya. ushme ek movie clip chal rahi thi.
pata hai ritu ush clip mein kya tha.
billu thodi der chup ho gaya aur maine dekha ki vo ro raha hai.
maine pucha “kya tha billu bataao mai shun rahi hun”
meri didi ro rahi thi aur rote-rote jor jor se cheella rahi thi aur vivek ushke saath ** kar raha tha. mujh se dekha nahi gaya maine apni aankhe band kar li. Par tabhi mere sar par sanjay ne kursi de maari aur mai jamin par gir gaya.
Tab sanjay ne mere sar ke baal pakad kar kheenche aur apne mobile ko meri aankho ke saamne ley aaya aur bola, “dekh saale kya hot maal hai teri bahan, kya maje se cheella cheella kar de rahi hai”
Meri didi ro rahi thi, aur vivek ushke saath…..
“Bas billu….. bas karo, mai aur nahi shun paaungi” —- maine apne kaano par haath rakh kar kaha.
Ritu meri didi ke saath koyi 4 log ** kar rahe the aur mujhe jabardasti sab kuch dekhaaya gaya. Sanjay aur vivek ko to mai jaanta hun, baaki ke 2 logo ka mujhe nahi pata ki vo kaun the. Aur pata hai jagah kaun si thi.
“Kaun si billu” —– maine pucha.
“Tumhaara bedroom ritu, vahi bedroom jaha ush din mein tumhe apni baahon mein utha kar ley gaya tha. tumhaara bedroom dekhte hi mai pehchaan gaya tha ki ye vahi mobile clip wali jagah hai” — billu ne kaha

[hirarandi]

maine kaha “oh yaad aaya un dino mai shaayad apne maayke mein thi, matlab ki delhi mein thi, par kya sanjay ne bhi…”
“kah to raha hun, vaha 4 log the sanjay unme se ek tha” ——- billu ne meri aur dekh kar kaha.
“Oh god….. mujhe vishwaas nahi hota” —- maine kaha
“Yehi vo vajah thi jishke kaaran maine ush din sanjay ko vaha khidki par bulaaya aur apne peeche ashok aur raju ko khada kar liya. ashok aur raju tumhaare liye vaha nahi the ritu, vo sanjay ko deekhaane ke liye the. Mai ushe deekhaana chaahta tha ki dekho kaisa lagta hai kisi apne ko aisi haalat mein dekh kar” —- billu ne kaha
“Par kya tumhe meri koyi chinta nahi thi, tumne ek pal ko bhi nahi socha ki mera kya hoga” — maine billu ki aur dekh kar pucha
“Ritu mai to ush din ko taalna chaahta tha. tumhe yaad hoga maine tumhe kaha tha ki tum sanjay ko sab kuch bata dau, yaad hai na tumhe, maine kaha tha na. ” billu ne pucha
“Haan yaad hai, par tumhe mujhe ashok ke aage fenkne ki kya jaroorat thi” —- maine pucha
billu continue….
mai bas sanjay ko barbaad karna chaahta tha aur chaahta tha ki ushki biwi ke charitra ko chalni chalni kar dun.
Par baad mein mujhe apni galti ka ahsaash huva. shaayad mujhe tumse pyar hone laga tha.
ishliye maine ush cycle wale ko maara tha. mai bilkul bardast nahi kar paaya ki ush cycle wale ne tumhe bus mein cheda hai. ush vakt mujhe pehli baar ahsaash huva tha ki mai tumse pyar karta hun.
par badle ki aag tab tak pyar par haavi thi. ishliye pyar itna ubhar nahi paya.
ashok ne kayi baar baad mein mujhe kaha ki ritu ko ek baar phir ley aao, par maine ushe saaf mana kar diya tha ki mere alawa ushe koyi nahi chooyega. Aur ushe ye bhi kah diya tha ki tumne agar aisa socha bhi to tumhe jaan se maar dunga. Aisa asar huva tha tumhaara mujh par.
Par ush din sanjay ko deekhaane ke liye jaroor ashok aur raju ko peeche khada kiya tha. mere liye bhi vo pal mushkil tha. mai tumhe dukh nahi dena chaahta tha. par badle ki aag mein mai sab kuch kar gaya”
Par aaj sochta hun ki mujhe kya mila ?
Mujhe kuch nahi mila ritu, meri didi aaj bhi gaayab hai aur aaj mai tumhaara gunahgaar ban gaya hun.
Ush din mai vahi sanjay ke cabin mein hi mar jaata to acha hota. Par kishi tarah se mai bach gaya.
Ush vakt sanjay se koyi milne aa gaya tha.
kishi nurse ne baahar se awaaj lagaayi, “doctor aapse shukla ji milne aaye hai”
sanjay aur vivek ka dhyaan mere upar se hat gaya aur mai moka dekh kar cabin ki khidki se kud gaya.
Par maine jo ush mobile mein clip dekhi thi vo aaj bhi mere deemag mein ghum rahi hai.
Apni didi ko aakhri baar dekha bhi to kaha dekha, ek mobile ki clip mein, unka ** hote huve.
Maine security officer mein report ki, sab kuch kiya jo mere bas mein tha, par aaj tak meri didi ka kuch nahi pata ritu, kuch nahi pata. Pata nahi ** karne ke baad unhone meri didi ke saath kya kiya. Ab mujhe lagne laga hai ki meri didi ish duniya mein nahi hai. mai ab yahi sochta hun ki vo log kam se kam meri didi ko jeenda to chhod dete. Kishi se bhi jeene ka adhikaar yu hi nahi cheen lena chaahiye.
…………
Sach mein billu ne jo mujhe bataaya ushe shun kar mere rongte khade ho gaye. Kya biti hogi beechari kavita par mai soch bhi nahi sakti. acha kiya maine jo ush din vivek ko goli maar di.
Sabse jyada hairaan mein sanjay ke baare mein shun kar thi.
Mere man par bojh tha ki maine sanjay ko dhoka diya hai, aaj ye bojh mere man se hat gaya.
“Ritu kya soch rahi ho” —- billu ne pucha.
“Kuch nahi billu kya sochun ab, tumne vo kiya jo tumhe theek laga, par barbaadi to dauno taraf ek aurat ki hi huyi. Udhar kavita barbaad huyi…. idhar mai…… ye kaisa khel hai” ? —– maine billu ki aur dekh kar kaha.
Billu ne apne haath se glucose hata diya aur bed se utar kar mere kadmo mein baith gaya.
“Ritu mai apni galti maanta hun, ishliye sab kuch bhula kar mumbai aaya hun. mujhe ab ye bhi yaad nahi hai ki mujhe kishi se badla lena hai. mai thak chuka hun. mujhe aaj bas ek baat yaad hai, aur vo ye hai ki “mai tumhe pyar karta hun” ——– billu ne mere haatho ko thaam kar kaha.
“Pyaar kya hota hai, tumhe ishka matlab bhi pata hai billu” —– maine pucha
“mujhe nahi pata, mujhe bas ek ahsaash hai ki mai tumhaare bina nahi rah sakta. Tumhaare sharir ko paa kar mein tumhaari aatma tak pahunch gaya hun. aur pata hai maine kya paya hai vaha pahunch kar” ? —- billu ne meri aankho mein dekh kar pucha
Maine pucha, “kya billu” ?
“Maine paya hai ki jeetna shunder tumhaara sharir hai, ush se bhi kahi shunder tumhaara man hai” — billu ne kaha
“rahne do billu mujhe mere ander andhera nazar aata hai aur tumhe vaha shundarta deekh rahi hai” — maine kaha
“jo maine dekha hai bata raha hun, aur ye sach hai” — billu ne kaha
“mai havash mein andhi ho kar tumhaare saath kho gayi thi, ushe tum sundarta kahte ho, vo meri sabse badi bhool thi” —– maine billu se kaha
“ritu tumhaare saath jo maine kiya vo koyi maamuli seduction nahi tha. that was in a way extreme form of seduction. Maine tumhe bahakne par majboor kiya tha, aur aaj bhi kar sakta hun. par aaj baat pyar ki hai. mai mumbai tumhe paane aaya hun. apni didi ko to maine kho diya, par tumhe mai nahi khona chaahta” —- billu ne kaha
Maine gusse mein pucha “Ye kya bakwaas hai billu, tum ye sab soch bhi kaise sakte ho, mai soch rahi thi ki tumhe apni galti ka ahsaash hai”
“Meri galti ye thi ki maine tumhe ashok ke paas bhej diya. ushi ke liye mai sharminda hun. par mujhe lagta hai, ushke baad jo bhi maine kiya ush mein mera pyar tha ritu. Maine bahut gahraayi se pyar kiya hai tumhe. Mere har sexual act mein pyar tha. bahut pyar se choosta tha mai tumhaari yoni ko. Jaise koyi bhagvaan ki puja karta ho. Vaise purane jamaane mein to yoni ki puja hoti hi thi. maine apne honto se tumhari yoni ko puja hai ritu. That was nothing but simple love. Jab mai tumhe pyar karta tha to bas tum mein kho jaata tha. Tum yu hi mere saath nahi bahak jaati thi. mera pyar tumhe bahkaata tha. Varna tum khud socho tum kyon ush din khud apne ghar ke peeche chali aayi thi. vo bhi mujhse bhi pehle. Maine tumhe dub kar pyar kiya hai ritu. Vo sab pyar hi tha. varna aaj mai yaha nahi hota. Ish baat ka ahsaash mujhe ab huva hai, tumhe bhi jaldi hoga” billu ne kaha
“Mere saare ahsaash khatam ho chuke hai billu, mere ander ab bas andhera hai, vo adhera jo tumne bhara hai. aisi baate karke tum phir se ushi raste par ja rahe ho” —– maine kaha
“Nahi ritu ye vo rasta bilkul nahi hai. vo rasta havash ka tha, ye rasta pyar ka hai, aaj mujhe tumse pyar hai aur der saber ye baat tumhe bhi feel hogi ki tum bhi mujhe pyar karti ho. Hum daono jud chuke hai ritu, hum ander tak jude hai. varna aaj tum gate way of India par nahi aati. Apne dil se pucho kya tum mere liye bechan ho kar vaha nahi aayi thi” — billu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha
“Ishliye aayi thi ki aaj mujhe pata chala tha ki tumhaari sister gaayab hai, ishliye nahi aayi thi ki mujhe tumse pyar hai” —- maine thoda gusse mein kaha
“pyar apna hint deta hai ritu, pyar situation create karta. Ye aap par hai ki aap ushke hint ko pehchaane. tum samajhti kyon nahi. pata hai mai behosh kyon huva tha” ? —– billu ne pucha
“kyon…. ab ye bhi bata do” —- maine pucha
“mujhe vishwaas hi nahi huva ki tum aa gayi, ishliye jab tumne mujhe peeche se awaaj di mai samajh nahi paaya ki kya karun. Aur jab tumhaare muh se apni didi ka naam shuna to khud ko sambhaalna mushkil ho gaya. Mai itna khus tha ki rone laga aur tumhaare gale lag kar behosh ho gaya. Ritu we are made for each other. Tum bas meri ho ritu…..bas meri” —– billu ne kaha
Mujh se ye sab shun-na mushkil huva ja raha tha. mai vaha se khadi ho gayi aur baahar jaane lagi.
Billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj di “ tum kuch bhi kar lo ritu tum mujhe kabhi nahi bhula paaogi. Jaise mai tumhaare liye tadap raha hun tum bhi mere liye tadpogi”
Mai vaapas billu ke paas aayi aur ushe kaha, “billu vo din kabhi nahi aayega jish din mai tumhaare liye tadpun. Aaj mai bas kavita ke kaaran tumse milne aayi thi. mujhe ye bhi dukh tha ki tum 2-3 din se bhuke ho, par ab lag raha hai ki tum bilkul nahi sudhre”
“Mai tumhaare kaaran hi bhuka tha ritu, aur mai ab vo nahi hun jo tum samajh rahi ho. Aaj mai tumse pyar maang raha hun. pehle tumhaara sharir maangta tha. par tum dekh lena jaise maine tumhaara sharir paaya hai… vaise hi tumhaara pyar bhi paaunga. Ab tumhaara pyar hi meri jeendagi ka maksad hai ritu. Apni didi ko kho chuka hun, tumhe nahi kho sakta” —– billu ne kaha
“Billu meri baat dhyaan se shuno aur yaha se chale jao, jo tum soch rahe ho vo kabhi nahi hoga” —- maine baahar jaate huve kaha.
“Ritu ek minut” — billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj di.
Mai ruk gayi aur boli, “kya hai billu.. ab tum had se aage badh rahe ho”
Vo mere paas aa gaya aur bola, “ ritu thank you very much. Aaj tum aayi. Tumhe sab kuch bata kar man halka ho gaya. Par aaj maine tumhaari aankho mein apne liye pyar dekha hai. mujhe yakin hai ki ek din tum bhi ye pyar dekh paaogi. Mujhe pura yakin hai”
“Jish din mujhe tumse pyaar hoga vo meri jeendagi ka aakhri din hoga billu. mai tumhe maaf kar sakti hun, par apne aap ko kabhi nahi. mai vo ahsaash dubaara jeendagi mein kabhi nahi aane dungi. vo paap tha aur paap ko tum aaj pyar nahi kah sakte” —– maine kaha aur mud kar kamre se baahar ki aur chal di.
“Vo paap jab mere liye pyar ban gaya to tum bhi nahi bach paaogi ritu. Dekhna ek din tum khud meri baahon mein aaogi. Mera pyaar tumhe kheench laayega. Mai ab yahin mumbai mein hi rahunga ritu, jab tak mujhe umeed hai tumhe paane ki mai yahi rahunga. Ho sakta hai mai kabhi kaamyaab na ho paaun. Par tumhaare liye kuch bhi kar sakta hun” —- billu ne mujhe peeche se awaaj laga kar kaha
mai kamre se baahar aa gayi
sidharth kahin nahi deekh raha tha.
tabhi billu bhi baahar aa gaya aur ek nurse se bola, “please bill bana deejiye, mai ja raha hun. mujhe mere pyar ko paana hai”
“theek hai bana deti hun, wait a minut” —– nurse ne billu se kaha.
Mai vaha se aage badh gayi
Tabhi sidharth aata huva deekhayi diya.
“Kaha chale gaye the tum sidharth” —- maine pucha
“bas yu hi thoda tahal raha tha, kaisa hai billu” ? —- sidharth ne pucha
“Vo theek hai, balki kuch jyada hi theek hai, chalo chalte hai” —- maine kaha.
“Hmm… chalo… mujhe koyi problem nahi hai, vaise kya baat ki ushne” —- sidharth ne pucha.
“Kuch nahi bas bata raha tha ki kyon vo mere peeche pada tha” —- maine kaha……. aur sidharth ko kavita ki kahaani shuna di.
“Oh very sad, par itni der tak yahi baate chal rahi thi kya” —– sidharth ne pucha.
“haan yahi sab aur kuch bekaar ki baate, chhodo unse hamein koyi lena dena nahi hai” —– maine kaha.

[hirarandi]

aur ish tarah ish din ka ant huva. Subah se lekar shaam tak kuch na kuch hota raha.
ab billu pyar ki baat kar raha hai. mujhe nahi lagta ki mai ushe dubaara dekhna bhi chaahungi. Ush se pyar to dur ki baat hai. billu se pyar mere liye zahar ke samaan hoga. Ye zahar mai kabhi nahi khaaungi.
Date : 11-02-09
Billu ne jo kuch bhi clinic mein kaha ushe mere liye hazam karna mushkil hai. aisa lagta hai ki vo apne ushi puraane roop mein aa gaya hai. bahut confident ho kar ushne kaha tha ki tumhe aaj bhi seduce kar sakta hun. pata nahi vo khud ko kya samajhta hai.
Par aaj mai jaanti hun ki vo kaun hai. par vo nahi jaanta ki aaj mai vo ritu nahi hun, jo ushki baato mein aa kar bahak jaati thi. bahut gahri chot khaayi hai maine billu ke saath bahak kar. Ye aisi chot thi ki ab mere saare ahsaash hi mar chuke hai. ek aurat hone ka gorav main kho chuki hun. sex naam se mujhe nafrat ho gayi hai. ab mujhe pyar ka bhi ahsaash nahi hota. Tabhi to mai sidharth ke pyar ka jawaab pyar se nahi de pa rahi hun. ishliye mujhe nahi lagta ki main sidharth se shaadi kar ke ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi. Acha yahi hai ki apni baaki ki jeendagi ka safar mai akele hi taiy karun.
Vaise bhi mere paas chintoo hai, ush ke saath baaki ki jeendagi kat jaayegi.
Lekin ek baat mere man mein aa rahi hai. kahin billu apni sister kavita ke ** ki jhuti kahaani to nahi bana raha. ushne shuru se mere saath makkaari ki hai. kahin vo phir se to koyi khel nahi khel raha. jaisa ushka clinic mein behaviour tha ush se to yahi lagta hai ki vo bilkul nahi badla. Pehle seduction kar raha tha ab pyar hai, kya majaak hai ye. Ushki baato mein kishi saajish ki bu aa rahi hai.
Khair ab mai ushe ache se jaanti hun ki vo kya hai, ab mein dubaara dhoka nahi khaaungi.
Date : 11-02-09
Shaam ke 8 baje hai, abhi abhi sidharth yaha se gaya hai.
Aaj maine sidharth ko ye baat saaf kar di ki mai ush se hargeez shaadi nahi kar sakti.
“Kyon ritu kya baat hai, kya tum ab mujhe jara bhi pyar nahi karti” —- sidharth ne pucha.
Maine kaha, “sidharth I respect you a lot, but I can’t marry you. Kyonki mujhe nahi lagta ki mai ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi. Meri aatma tak andhera bhara hai. please meri baat samajhne ki koshish karo. Hum ache dost ban kar rah sakte hai”
“Ritu kab tak yahi baate karti rahogi. Maine kaha to tha ki wait karte hai. jab tumhaara man hoga tabhi shaadi karenge. Ab kya ho gaya. Mai shaadi tumhi se karunga, chaahe tum kuch kar lo” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Phir mujhe dukh hai sidharth hum dost bhi nahi rah paayenge. Mujh par ye fainsala mat thopo. Mai tum se hi nahi balki kishi se bhi shaadi nahi karna chaahti. Mai bas apne bete ke liye jee rahi hun, varna main kab ki mar chuki hoti. Ab tum jao, hum baad mein baat karenge. Tum meri haalat nahi samajh sakte” —- maine kaha
“ok… ok ritu theek hai, mai ab dubaara shaadi ki baat nahi karunga. theek hai hum dost ban kar rahte hai. ab khus” —- sidharth ne mushkuraate huve kaha.
“sidharth baat khusi ki nahi hai, mai nahi samajhti ki mujhe shaadi karni chaahiye. ye mera decision hai. aur mujhe ummeed hai ki tum mere decision ki izzat karoge” —- maine kaha.
“Theek hai ritu jaisa tum chaaho. Mai tumhe pyar karta tha aur karta rahunga”
“kya tumhe vaakayi mein ab tak koyi ladki pasand nahi aayi” — maine pucha.
“Nahi.. kaha na tumhaare jaisi koyi mili hi nahi” — sidharth ne kaha.
“To ab kishi ko dhund lo, kaho to mai kishi ko talaash karun” — maine pucha
“nahi nahi… ye kaam mein khud kar lunga. Mein ye bardaast nahi kar paaunga ki jishe mein pyar karta hun, vo mere liye ladki dhunde” sidharth ne kaha.
Ye kah kar vo chala gaya.
Mere man mein sidharth ke liye agar jara sa bhi pyar ka ahsaash hota to mein kuch sochti bhi. Ishliye maine sidharth ko saaf saaf kahna sahi samjha. Lagta hai vo ab meri baat samajh gaya hai.
………..
Date : 12-02-09
11:30 pm
Aaj maine sidharth jaise ache dost ko kho diya. aaj ushne mere saath vo kiya jo mai sapne mein bhi nahi soch sakti thi.
lagbhag shaam ke 8 baje mere ghar ki bell baji. Maine darvaaja khola to dekha ki sidharth hai. ushe dekhte hi mai samajh gayi ki vo sharaab pee kar aaya hai.
“Ritu darling ander aa jaaun” —- sidharth ne bahki huyi awaaj mein kaha
mujhe nahi pata tha ki sidharth drink karta hai.
“sidharth ye kya haal bana rakha hai, tum ghar jao, baad mein baat karenge” —- maine kaha.
Vo mujhe peeche hata kar ander ghuss gaya aur bola “baad mein nahi… abhi baat karenge”
“Sidharth tum abhi hosh mein nahi ho, please abhi jao, mujhe vaise bhi office ka kuch kaam karna hai” — maine kaha.
“Ritu darling kaam to hota rahega, aaj mai tumse kuch lene aaya hun” —— sidharth ne kaha.
“Kya baat hai sidharth ? tum bahki bahki baate kar rahe ho” —– maine pucha.
“Mujhe bhi tumhaari chut chaahiye ritu, duniya ne ley li, meri baari kab aayegi” —— sidharth ne bahaki huyi awaaj mein kaha
“sidharth ye kya bakwaas kar rahe ho, foran yaha se chale jao, tum abhi hosh mein nahi ho” —– maine jor se gusse mein kaha.
“Dekho to sahi ritu, my cock is also big like billu you will enjoy it” —- sidharth ne apni zip kholte huve kaha.
Maine foran apni aankhe band kar li. mujhe bilkul vishwaas nahi ho raha tha ki sidharth aisa kar raha hai.
Mai darvaaje ke paas aa gayi aur boli “sidharth jaldi yaha se chale jao, mujhe abhi tumse koyi baat nahi karni”
Sidharth ne aage badh kar darvaaje ki kundi laga li aur mujhe apne haatho mein utha liya.
“Ye kya kar rahe ho sidharth, chhodo mujhe…tumhe kya ho gaya hai” —- maine jor se kaha.
“Mai tumse shaadi karna chaah raha tha aur tumne saaf mana kar diya. arey vo to mai hun jo tumhe aankh meech kar apna raha tha, varna aaj ke din tum par koyi kutta bhi nahi thukega,…..bitch kahin ki” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Oh no….. sidharth please ye sab kya kah rahe ho… please mujhe chhod do. Hum ish baare mein baad mein baat karenge” —– maine gidgidaate huve kaha.
“First I will fuck you hard… you bitch, mere pyar ka majaak udaati ho. Kya hai ush billu mein. Ush din bade pyar se chaaro aur ushe dhund rahi thi. aur shaam ko share aam ushke gale lag kar khadi thi. mere paas ushke jitna bada hai, ley kar dekh, tu ushe bhool jaayegi” —- sidharth ne kaha.
Mai ushke haatho mein chatpata rahi thi.
Vo mujhe bedroom mein ley aaya aur mujhe bed par patak diya.
“Sidharth ye kya ho gaya hai tumhe, please…..hum baad mein araam se baat karenge” —- maine kaha.
“First we will fuck, than we will discuss… ok….., now remove your clothes and spread your legs, I want to fuck you” —– sidharth ne kaha.
Meri majboori ye thi ki mai sidharth par haath nahi uthaana chaahti thi. par jab ushne apni pant neeche sarka di to maine uth kar ek jor daar thappad ushke muh par jad diya.
Par ush par ek thappad ka koyi asar nahi huva.
“You whore,…… mujh par haath uthaati ho, pyar karta tha mai tumse par tumne mujhe kya diya. na pehle shaadi ke liye haan ki aur na ab shaadi key liye maan rahi ho. Ab mai bina shaadi ke hi honeymoon mana kar rahunga. Jab billu kar sakta hai to main kyon nahi” —– sidharth ne kaha.
Bahut hi painfull tha vo vakt mere liye. mujhe phir se jalil hona pad raha tha.
“Ritu dekho araam se cooperate karo. Tum jab billu ke saath itna kuch kar sakti ho to mere saath tumhe kya problem hai, just see my cock and decide” —- sidharth ne apne ling ko haath mein pakad kar kaha.
Maine apni aankhe band kar li. Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki sidharth ko kaise samjhaaun. Vo nashe mein anaap sanaap bake ja raha tha.
“Let me see your pussy now, I want to see why that boy is crazy for you” — sidharth ne kaha.
“Sidharth bas bahut ho gaya, ab chup ho jao aur yaha se chale jao”
sidharth bed par chad gaya aur mujhe jabardasti leta kar mere upar late gaya.
“Bahut nahi huva abhi darling, abhi to saari raat tumhaari chut maarni hai. aaj meri suhaagraat hai. itni jaldi thodi khatam hogi ye raat” — sidharth ne kaha.
Ab paani sar ke upar nikal gaya tha.
Mere bed ke paas meri iron padi thi. maine ushe uthaaya aur sidharth ke sar par de maari. Mujhe bada dukh huve ushe maarte huve par mujhe ye karna pada.
Ushke sar se khun bahne laga aur vo ladkhada kar bed ke paas gir gaya. Mai apne bed par baith gayi aur apni kishmat ko rone lagi. ek paap ki saja mujhe baar baar mil rahi thi. pehle sanjay se mili. Fir vivek se. aur ab sidharth se. upar se vo billu abhi bhi mere peeche pada hai. mai koyi inshaan na ho kar bas ek sharir rah gayi hun.
Mai chupchaap bed par baithi rahi aur meri aankhe rah rah kar chalakti rahi. koyi ek ghante baad sidharth utha aur bola, “ritu….. ohh mai ye kya kar baitha, please mujhe maaf kar do, mai nashe mein tha”
“Sidharth yaha se abhi ke abhi chale jao, mai tumse koyi baat nahi karna chaahti. Tum mein aur vivek mein kya anter rah gaya. Mai tumhaari izzat karti thi. ishliye kishi bhi vakt tumhe ghar aane deti thi. par tum bhi auro ki tarah bas mere sharir ke pyase nikle. Chale jao sidharth…… ab sab kuch khatam ho chuka hai” —– maine sidharth ki aur dekh kar kaha.
“Ohh god mai ye kya kar baitha. Ritu please forgive me. dar-asal mai bardaast nahi kar paaya ki tumne mujhe shaadi ke liye mana kar diya. please forgive me. sab kuch nashe ke kaaran huva hai. hosh mein mai kabhi aisa nahi karta” —- sidharth ne kaha.
“Jo bhi hai sidharth…. par tum ander hi ander mere baare mein kya sochte ho vo aaj baahar aa gaya. Abhi tum jao aur aaj ke baad yaha mat aana. I hate you” —- maine gusse mein kaha.
Sidharth chala gaya aur mai darvaaja band karke apne bed par gir gayi.
Saare fasaad ki jad ye billu hi hai. na vo meri jeendagi mein aata aur na mujhe baar baar jaleel hona padta.

[hirarandi]

Date : 13-02-09
aaj bahut bura lag raha hai. jab mai shaam ko office se aayi to mujhe apne darvaaje ke neeche phir se manhush billu ki ek chit mili. Ye chit wala ushne acha tareeka dhund liya hai ??
chit mein leekha hai :——
“meri pyari ritu,
aaj se mumbai mein kaam karna shuru kar diya hai. kaam chota hai par jaldi hi kuch bada bhi karunga. abhi bas ek taxi driver ban paaya hun. mere paas sirf b.com ki degree hai. samajh nahi aata ushka main kya karun. Ishliye ish chote se kaam se shuru kar raha hun. vaise kaam koyi chota nahi hota.bas inshaan ki lagan honi chaahiye. par tum ye mat sochna ki mai kuch aur nahi karunga. mai tumhaare pyar ke liye sab kuch karunga. jab se tumne ush din gate way of India par mujhe gale lagaaya hai. mai tumhaara aur jyada deewana ho gaya hun. mai tumhaare liye kuch bhi karne ko taiyaar hun. Mai tumse shaadi karna chaahta hun ritu. Meri umar tumse choti sahi par mai tumse jyada mature hun. jeendagi ne badi jaldi bahut kuch seekha diya hai. mujhe pura yakin hai ki main ek pati ka farz nibha paaunga. Mujhe bas ek moka do ritu mai ek acha pati ban kar dheekhunga. Jo maine tumhaare saath kiya ushki koyi bhi saja mujhe de do. Chaho to abhi goli maar do. Par agar tumhe mere prati jara bhi pyar mahsush ho to meri baat par dhyaan dena. Mai tumhaare liye kuch bhi karunga. bas mujhe ek moka do. Mujhe apna lo ritu. Mera ab tumhaare shiva koyi nahi hai. tum hi meri jeene ki ummeed ho. aaj se taxi chalaani shuru kar di hai. jaldi hi main kuch aur bhi karunga. taxi sirf yaha thoda paanv jamaane ke liye shuru ki hai. mujhe ummeed hai tum meri baat samjhogi”
pata nahi kya matlab hai ish bakwaas ka. Vo aisa soch bhi kaise sakta hai ki mai ush se shaadi karungi. Ya to vo apni aukaat bhool gaya hai ya fir jyada oversmart ban-ne ki koshish kar raha hai.
Date : 14-02-09
Aaj jab main office se nikli to jhat se billu ne apni taxi mere aage laakar khadi kar di aur bola, “ritu please baith jao, mai tumhe ghar chhod dunga ishi bahaane kuch baat bhi kar lenge”
Yaha se dafa ho jao billu, ish ghatiya taxi mein jaane ka mera koyi iraada nahi hai.
Mujhe achi tarah yaad tha ki kaise ek baar ushke riksa mein baithna mujhe bhaari pada tha.
Tabhi meri company ki car aa gayi aur main ush mein baith kar ghar aa gayi.
……….
Raat ke 11 baje hai. maine thodi der pehle baahar jhaank kar dekha to paaya ki ek taxi mere flat ke bilkul saamne khadi hai. achaanak taxi ka gate khula aur billu baahar aa gaya. Maine foran khidki band kar di.
Ab ushke paas taxi hai. vo din raat yaha sadak par maje se taxi laga kar ushmein pada rah sakta hai. samajh nahi aata ki ish billu ka kya karun.
………………….
Date : 15-02-09
Aaj subah mandir gayi. phir vahi naatak huva. Billu jaate vakt to mujhe nahi deekha par jab mai vaapas aa rahi thi to mujhe mandir ke baahar mil gaya.
“Ritu thodi der rukogi…. kuch baat karni hai” — billu ne kaha.
Maine gusse mein ushke gaal par apni pancho ungliya chaap di. Ushka chehra laal ho gaya.
Vo hairaan rah kar meri aur dekhta rah gaya. Maine ek aur haath ghumaaya aur ish baar ushke dusre gaal par thappad rasid kar diya.
“Ab bolo kya baat karni hai, ye tumhaare ush letter ka jawaab hai jo tumne kuch din pehle mere ghar choda tha. agar tum sochte ho ki tum mujhe fir se fansa sakte ho to galat ho. Pyar ki baat karte ho tum. Tum hi the na jo badle ki aag mein mujhe barbaad kar rahe the. Vo bhi tum hi the na jo mujhe ashok ke paas ley gaye the. Ab meri baat dhyaan se shuno. Mujhe tumse nafrat hai. itni nafrat hai ki mai tumhaari shakal tak nahi dekhna chaahti. Yaha se foran dafa ho jao varna security officer ko bula lungi….ok” —– maine gusse mein jor se kaha
“Ritu acha kiya tumne thappad maar diya. ek aur maar do. Apni galti ke liye mai bhi sharminda hun. maine tumhe ush din clinic mein kaha bhi tha ki main badle ki aag mein andha to ho gaya tha par mujhe kuch nahi mila. mai tumhaara gunahgaar hun aur rahunga. Par aaj main tumhe pyar karta hun ritu. Bahut pyar karta hun. jaisa ki maine pehle bhi kaha hai, ye ahsaash mujhe bahut pehle ho gaya tha jab maine ush cycle wale ko maara tha. aaj main bas apni aankho mein pyar ley kar khada hun. mujhe khud bhi nahi pata ki aisa kyon hai. mai bas tumhe pyar karta hun” —– billu ne kaha
Tabhi vaha kuch log aa gaye aur bole madam koyi takleef hai kya.
Mai bahut gusse mein thi aur maine un logo se kah diya ki ye ladka mujhe ched raha hai. vaise ye sach hi tha. vo jabardasti hi to mere peeche pada tha.
Logo ne ushe maarna shuru kar diya. mai chupchaap aage badh gayi aur ghar aa gayi.
Acha sabak mila hai billu ko aaj. Ab ushki akal jaroor theekane aa jaayegi.
……..
raat ke 11:30 baje hai aur maine abhi abhi baahar jhaank kar dekha. Sakun mila ki billu baahar nahi hai. aaj jaroor vo samajh gaya hoga ki ab ushki mere liye kya aukaat hai.
Date : 16-02-09
Aaj phir ye kamina billu mere ghar mein ek chit chod gaya, leekha hai,
“ meri pyari ritu
mai apne paapo ki saja bhugatne ke liye taiyaar hun. acha kiya tumne mujhe thappad maara aur phir logo se bhi pitva diya. kal sara din sharir dhukta raha. taxi bhi nahi chala paaya. Haan par mujhe tumse koyi shikva ya shikaayat nahi hai. jo paap maine kiye hai, ushki ye bahut choti si saja hai. jo tumhaare saath kiya vo bahut galat tha. ** meri didi ka huva tha. ushmein tumhaara koyi dosh nahi tha. par pata nahi kyon meri akal par pathar pad gaye the jo tumhaare jaisi achi inshaan ko jhansa de kar fansa liya. tabhi sochta hun ki main tumhaare laayak nahi hun. par phir bhi apne pyar se majboor ho kar ek koshish kar raha hun tumhaare laayak ban-ne ki. maine clinic mein kaha tha ki tumhe aaj bhi seduce kar sakta hun. lekin ab tumhaare tevar dekh kar lagta hai ki vo naamumkin hai. acha hi hai. aaj baat vaise bhi pyar ki hai. mai to tumhaare haato se marne ko bhi taiyaar hun. jish din mujh se bahut pareshaan ho jao to bata dena mai khud sar jhuka kar tumhaare aage khada ho jaaunga, jo karna ho kar lena. Main ab bas tumhaara hun. tumhaare liye hi jee raha hun. meri jeendagi ab bas tumhaare haath mein hai. tumse baat ishliye karne ki koshish karta hun kyonki mere paas aur koyi chaara nahi hai. mai har vakt tumse baat karne ke liye tarasta rahta hun. mai har vakt tumhe sochta rahta hun. aur haan tumhe sochne ka matlab ye nahi hai ki mai tumhaare sharir ko soch raha hun. balki mai to tumhaare sharir ke ander chupi tumhaari aatma ko sochta hun. tum bahut shunder ho ish mein koyi shak nahi hai. par maine pehle bhi kaha hai tumhaare sharir se jyada shunder tumhaara man hai. I love you as a person. Not your body. This love has moved beyond your body. Mai aaj tumse sex nahi balki pyar chaahta hun ritu. Ho sake to kabhi araam se baith kar meri baat par dhyaan dena. Aur haan aaj se main tumhe kahin milne nahi aaunga. Mera tumhe chedne ka koyi iraada nahi hai. pyar karta hun. agar mera pyar sacha huva to tum khud ek din mere paas aaogi. Tab tak mai tumhaare saamne bhi nahi aaunga. Haan kabhi kabhi tumse kuch kahna huva to ek letter tumhaare ghar chhod dunga. Please itna mujhe karne dena. Aur mera letter jaroor padhna. Bahut pyar se leekhta hun…… bye……billu”
baate banaani billu ko khub aati hain. koyi bhi ish letter ko padh kar emotional ho jaayega par maine ishe faad kar fenk diya. aisi bahut saari baate mein ush se pehle bhi shun chuki hun. ab vo mujhe hargeez bevkoof nahi bana sakta.

[hirarandi]

Date : 22-02-09
11:30 am
Aaj sunday hai, abhi thodi der pehle papa ka phone aaya tha. puch rahe the ki maine sidharth ko shaadi ke liye kyon mana kar diya. shaayad shidharth ne phir se papa se baat ki hogi. aaj majboori mein mujhe papa ko bataana hi pada ki mai sidharth se shaadi nahi kar sakti. maine unhe samjha diya hai ki mai jeendagi ka safar akele taiy karna chaahti hun.
Maine 12 tareek wali baat papa ko bataana theek nahi samjha. Vaise bhi unhe shun kar dukh hi hota.
5:00 pm
abhi thodi der pehle mujhe apne darvaaje ke baahar aahat shunaayi di. Maine turant darvaaje ke paas ja kar dekha to paya ki ek kaagaz ki chit ander sarak rahi hai. main samajh gayi ki ye billu hi hai.
maine turant darvaaja khola aur ushe ushki chit faad kar vaapas de di aur boli, “billu ye naatak band karo. Mere sabar ki bhi koyi sheema hai. main tumhe fir kah rahi hun ki ye sab band karo, varna mai tumhaare khilaaf security officer complaint karungi. Aaj ke baad main yaha koyi chit nahi dekhna chaahti. Agar tumne dubaara aisa kiya to acha nahi hoga. Ab yaha se dafa ho jao”
Vaise kuch ajeeb kiya aaj billu ne. vo aaj bina kuch kahe chupchaap chala gaya. Ushke chehre par aise bhaav the jaise sach mein mujhe bahut pyar karta hai aur apne letter ke tukde dekh kar dukhi hai. Khair mujhe kya lena dena, vo bhaad mein jaaye. I just hate him.
8:00 pm
abhi abhi dipti se baat karke hati hun. jo mujhe shak tha vo yakin mein badalta ja raha hai.
maine dipti ko kavita ke ** wali kahaani bata di. Shun kar vo boli, “tum har baat der se hi bataati ho. Lagta hai tumhaara ish case mein koyi interest nahi hai. khair manish ne to aisa kuch nahi bataaya. Balki vo to kavita ke baare mein kuch ulta hi kah raha tha”
maine pucha, “kya kah raha tha” ?
dipti boli “kah raha tha ki ushne kishi sunita naam ki nurse se baat ki thi. vo kaafi samay se sanjay ke clinic mein hai. tum bhi shaayad ushe jaanti hogi. vo to yahi kah rahi thi ki kavita ka charitra theek nahi tha. ushne yaha tak bataaya hai ki vo ek call girl thi aur ek bade giroh ka hissa thi. billu bhi ushke ish dhande mein shaamil tha. kavita ki harkato ki vajah se hi sanjay ne ushe clinic se nikaal diya tha. pata nahi sach hai ya nahi. manish ko bhi ish baat par vishvaas to nahi hai. par vo kah raha tha ki sunita bahut vishwaas se ye baat kah rahi thi. khair manish to ish kaam par laga hi huva hai. dekhte hai ki sach kya hai. haan par kuch din key liye ushe ye kaam chhod kar kishi dushre case ke shilshiley mein kolkata jaana pad raha hai.”
maine kaha, “ye sach hi hoga dipti, ye billu bahut dhokebaaz aur makkaar hai. ushki bahan bhi ushke jaisi hi hogi. mujhe sunita ki baat par vishwaas hai, vo bhala jhut kyon bolegi”
mujhe yakin hai ki billu ne mujhe fir se jhansa dene ke liye ye kavita ke ** ki kahaani izaad ki hai. taaki vo apne saare kaarnaame ki safaayi de sake. Ushne jo mere saath kiya ushki koyi safaayi nahi di ja sakti. par vo ish had tak gir jaayega ki apni sister ke ** ki kahaani banaayega maine socha bhi nahi tha. vaise vo hai bhi ek number ka kamina, kuch bhi kar sakta hai.
……………..
Date : 01-03-09
dheere dheere main kaamyaab ho rahi hun. billu ab mere peeche nahi aata hai. main aaj subah mandir gayi thi to vo manhush mujhe kahin nahi deekha. mere flat mein ushne chit daalni bhi band kar di hai. haan par kabhi kabhi vo mere flat ke saamne apni taxi ley kar jaroor khada hota hai. soch rahi hun ki ushe jaa kar sabhi kuch bata dun ki mujhe ushki sister ke baare mein sab kuch pata chal gaya hai. par ushki shakal dekhne ka mera bilkul man nahi hai.
…………
Date : 8-03-09
11:30 pm
Aaj achaanak ek bahut bada surprise mila
aaj Sunday tha aur mai ghar par hi thi. subah subah maine har Sunday ki tarah mandir jaane ka fainsala kiya. Mujhe mandir ja kar ek sakun sa milne laga hai, aisa sakun jishe sabdo mein kahna mushkil hai.
Jab mein mandir se baahar aayi to mujhe saamne se billu aata deekhaayi diya. mujhe dekh kar vo aise chonk gaya jaise ki mai achaanak ushe deekh gayi hun. maine man hi man mein kaha kamina kahin ka. Mujhe pura yakin tha ki vo jaroor mera peecha kar raha hoga.
Mujhe dekh kar vo ruk gaya.
Jab mai ushke paas se gujari to vo bola, “ritu thodi der rukogi, bahut jaroori baat karni hai”
“Ab kaun si kahaani banaaoge billu, mujhe sab pata chal gaya hai kavita ke baare mein, tumne mujhe ushke ** ki jhuti kahaani shunaayi hai, hai na, tumse jyada gira huva inshaan maine aaj tak nahi dekha. Vaise jaise tum ho vaisi hi tumhaari bahan hai. mai soch bhi nahi sakti thi ki vo ek call girl hogi. aur tum bhi ushke ish dhande mein shaamil the. Aur tumne mujhe bhi ek bajaaru aurat bana kar chhod diya. ab har kishi ki mere saath ** karne ki himmat ho rahi hai. sab kuch tumhaare kaaran hai. tum ish duniya par bojh ho. Mera bas chale to abhi tumhe goli maar dun. Tum ush din bach gaye. Jara si bhi sharam baaki ho to yaha se chale jao, varna mai ab kuch bhi kar sakti hun” —- maine gusse mein kaha
maine jo dekha ush par mujhe yakin nahi huva. Billu ne kuch nahi kaha aur apni aankhe band kar li. Maine ushki aankho se aanshu tapakte dekhe. Vo bina meri aur dekhe mandir mein chala gaya.
Ek pal ko mujhe laga ki maine kuch jyada hi bol diya. par phir ye bhi laga ki sach bolne mein kya dikkat hai. agar mai galat kah rahi thi to vo khud mujhe jawaab deta. Par ushne kuch nahi kaha. Ishka matlab vo jaanta tha ki mai theek kah rahi hun.
Khair mai seedhi ghar aa gayi.
Ghar aate hi sidharth ka phone aaya.
“Ritu mai tumse milna chaahta hun. ush din ki harkat ke liye sharminda hun, please forgive me mai nashe mein bahak gaya tha. mujhe maaf kar do” —– sidharth ne kaha.
“Mai ish baare mein koyi baat nahi karna chaahti sidharth aur abhi vaise bhi mera mood bahut khraab hai, baad mein baat karenge, aur haan yaha dubaara aane ki himmat mat karna. bahut ho gaya meri jeendagi se majaak. Ab main kuch bardaast nahi karungi… bye” —– maine gusse mein kaha.
…………….
Aur phir mujhe ek surprise mila.
shaam ke koyi 6 baje mere ghar ki bell baji. Mai chonk gayi ki ab kaun aa gaya. Sidharth ko to maine aane ke liye mana kiya hai, fir ye kaun ho sakta hai.
Maine darvaaja khola aur baahar dekhte hi meri aankhe khuli ki khuli rah gayi.
Mere saamne sanjay khada tha. vahi sanjay jishne ek baar bhi mera phone tak nahi uthaaya tha.
“Dekh kya rahi ho, kya ander nahi bulaaogi, kabhi tumhaara pati tha main, kya itni jaldi bhool gayi” — sanjay ne kaha.
“nahi sanjay aisa nahi hai, main bas tumhe yaha dekh kar hairaan hun” —- maine kaha.
“Hona bhi chaahiye, mai tumse milne kabhi nahi aata par pata nahi kyon mere kadam khud-b-khud ish aur kheenche chale aaye” sanjay ne kaha.
Ye kah kar sanjay ander aa gaya aur pure ghar ko dekhne laga or bola, “acha bada ghar hai, kaafi tarakki kar li hai tumne. Tum jaroor khus hogi ye sab paa kar, hai na. Par tumne mujhe barbaad kar diya”
“Sanjay please ab phir se vahi baate mat karo, main khud bahut pareshaan hun. ruko mai kuch peene ko laati hun” —- maine kaha aur kah kar kitchen mein cold drink lene chali gayi.
“mujhe pata chala hai ki vo billu yahi hai, kya abhi bhi tum ushke saath aiyaashi kar rahi ho” —- sanjay ne pucha.
“Sanjay please aisa mat kaho, mai apni galti ki saja bhugat chuki hun. ab baar baar mujhe jaleel mat karo” — maine kaha.
“Main ush haraami ko jeenda nahi chhodunga” — sanjay ne gusse mein kaha.
“Sanjay agar bura na mano to ek baat punchu” —- maine kaha.
“Vaise tumhe kuch puchne ka adhikaar nahi hai, par phir bhi pucho kya puchna hai” —- sanjay ne kaha.
Maine pucha, “ kavita kaha hai sanjay”
“Dekho ushe maine nikaal diya tha. badi bachallan ladki thi vo. She was part of prostitution racket” — sanjay ne kaha
“par tumne ek baar kaha tha ki vo kaam chhod kar chali gayi” —– maine pucha.
“Haan to… itni gandi baat tumhe kaise bataata. Aaj baat dushri hai, tum khud itna gir chuki ho, tumhe ye ganda sach bataaya ja sakta hai” —- sanjay ne kaha.
Samajh nahi aa raha tha ki sanjay ko kya jawaab dun. Vaise vo sach hi kah raha tha. dukh bas ish baat ka tha ki ek paap ki saja mujhe baar baar di ja rahi thi.
“Ritu mera ek kaam karo” — sanjay ne kaha
“kya bataao sanjay, mujhe khusi hogi tumhaare liye kuch bhi karne mein” —- maine kaha.
“Kya tumhe pata hai vo billu kaha milega” —– sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay chhodo ushe, ab ush se tumhe kya lena dena. Mai bhi ush se baat nahi karti hun. mujhe nahi pata vo kaha rahta hai” —– maine kaha
“ritu tumhe sab pata hai, mujhe bataana nahi chaahti.vo tumhaara pakka yaar hai….hai na” — sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay aisi baat nahi hai please,….. maine apni galti khud swikaar ki thi aur main ab ush se bilkul koyi bhi baat nahi karti hun. haan vo kabhi kabhi mere ghar ke saamne apni taxi ley Kar khada hota hai. par mera yakin karo mera ush se ab koyi sambandh nahi hai.” —- maine kaha.
“Abhi hai kya vo baahar dekho to” —— sanjay ne pucha.
Badi ajeeb baat thi. jaise hi maine khidki khol kar dekha mujhe billu ki taxi deekhayi di. Vo taxi mein baitha tha. maine dekha ki vo kuch leekh raha tha. mujhe yakin tha ki aaj subah ki jhaad ke baad vo yaha nahi aayega par vo phir se taxi ley kar mere ghar ke baahar khada tha.
Maine dekha ki vo gate khol kar baahar aa gaya.
Maine sanjay se kaha, “haan ushki taxi khadi hai”
Maine phir se jhaank kar dekha to paaya ki vo apne haath mein kaagaz ka ek tukda ley kar mere flat ki taraf aa raha hai.
“kya kar raha hai vo” —- sanjay ne pucha
“Sanjay vo yahi ghar ki taraf aa raha hai” —– maine kaha.
“Dekha mai kahta tha na vo tera pakka yaar hai, abhi bhi tumhaara chakkar chal raha hai, mujhe jhut bol rahi thi ki mai ush se baat nahi karti” —– sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay ye sach hai ki main ush se baat nahi karti. Vahi mere peeche pada hai. aksar mere ghar mein ek chit daal jaata hai. abhi bhi vahi daalne aa raha hai shaayad. Mera yakin karo mera ush se ab koyi sambandh nahi hai” —- maine kaha
“aane do ushe aaj mai ushki yahi laash beecha dunga, tum aisa karo ushe ander bula lo” sanjay ne kaha
ye kah kar jaane kaha se sanjay ne ek bandook nikaal li
“Kya ?? ye kya kah rahe ho, nahi mujh se ye nahi hoga. Ushe yaha kyon bulaana chaahte ho” —— maine pucha.
“Ush se kuch puraana hisaab chukta karna hai ritu, tumhe nahi lagta ki jishne hamaare ghar ko barbaad kiya ushe saja milni chaahiye” —- sanjay ne kaha.
“Sanjay in sab baato se kya haansil hoga mai ab ush se baat nahi karti hun. mujhe ush se sakht nafrat hai. mai ushe yaha nahi bula sakti” —- maine kaha.
“Tumhe bulaana padega ritu. Agar tum vaakayi mein
Ush se nafrat karti ho to ushe yaha bulaao mai ushe tumhaari aankho ke aage maarunga. Aur tum kishi baat ki chinta mat karo. Tumhaare upar koyi baat nahi aayegi. Ushki laash main theekane laga dunga… ab ushe bulaao….meri khaatir bulaao”
Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun.
Maine pucha, “sanjay kya ye sab karna jaroori hai”
“Haan jaroori hai, agar vo bach gaya to umar bhar pareshaan karega. Mai kitchen mein chup raha hun. ushe ander bula lena. Phir mai sambhaal lunga…ok”
sanjay kitchen mein chala gaya. Ushke jaate hi mujhe apne door ke neeche se ek chit sarakti huyi deekhaayi di.
Maine turant darvaaja khola aur ushki aur dekha.
Ek pal ko vakt jaise tahar gaya
Maine ushki aur dekha aur hamaari aankhe ek pal ko takraayi. Ushke chehre par ek dard bhari halki si mushkaan ubhar aayi. Phir maine dhyaan se dekha to paya ki ushki aankhe nam thi. Mai ushe aisi haalat mein dekh kar kuch nahi kah paayi.
Mujhe samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun. Kya mai ushe marne ke liye ander bula lun. Ushne mere liye cycle wale ko maara tha. ushne ush din jangal mein time par aa kar mera ** hone se bhi bachaaya tha.
Man mein yahi vichaar aaya ki billu ko yaha se jaane do ritu. Ye khun kharaba theek nahi hai. mujhe vaise bhi ab billu se kya matlab.
Billu ki aankho ke aanshu mujh par kuch ajeeb sa asar kar rahe the. Pata nahi vo kyon ro raha tha.
Vo mud kar bina kuch kahe chala gaya aur maine darvaaja band kar liya.
Tabhi sanjay kitchen se baahar aa gaya.
Sanjay ne mere gaal par ek jor se thappad rasid kar diya. thappad itni jor ka tha ki mai ladkhada kar gir gayi
“Ye kya kiya haraamzaadi , tune ushe ander kyon nahi bulaaya, dikha diya na tune apna rang. Kya lagta hai vo tera jo tu hamesha mujhe dhoka deti hai. Aaj ushka kaam tamaam, karne ka acha moka tha” —- sanjay ne cheella kar kaha.
“Sanjay mujhe ush se koyi matlab nahi hai, mai ushe yaha nahi ghussne dena chaahti thi” —- maine kaha
sanjay ne mere gaal par ek aur thappad maara aur kaha, “jhut bolti hai saali. marna to ushe hai hi, yaha nahi to kahin aur marega”
ye kah kar sanjay darvaaja khol kar baahar chala gaya.
Kuch der tak mai yu hi padi rahi.
Koyi 15 minut baad maine baahar dekha to paya ki billu ki taxi abhi bhi baahar sadak par khadi thi. par billu kahin nahi deekh raha tha.
Maine dekha ki billu ki chit abhi bhi darvaaje ke paas padi thi. maine ushe faadne key liye haath mein utha liya. par tabhi meri aankho ke saamne billu ki vo dard bhari mushkaan aa gayi. main chaah kar bhi vo letter faad nahi paayi. maine letter bina padhe apni diary mein rakh diya.

[hirarandi]

7:00 pm
Abhi abhi dipti ka phone aaya tha. ushne kuch aisa bataaya hai ki ush ki baat shun kar dil dahal gaya hai aur aankhe nam ho gayin hain
“ arey ritu news dekh rahi ho ki nahi”
Maine pucha, “kyon kya baat hai” ?.
“Arey dekho to sahi tumhaara faridabad wala ghar live aa raha hai. tumhaare ghar ke peeche kavita ki laash mili hai. laash kankaal ban chuki hai. bahut hi khaufnaak nazaara hai” — dipti ne kaha
“ohh my god, kavita ki laash mere ghar ke peeche” —- maine kaha
“haan, ek baat aur shuno, manish ko sanjay ke clinic se ek pen drive mili hai. ush mein kavita ke ** ki puri video hai, vo video bhi manish ne media ko de di hai. ushe bhi dhundala karke deekhaaya ja raha. chaaro logo ke chehre saaf deekh rahe hain. Billu theek kah raha tha ritu, kavita ka bahut brutal ** huva tha”
“Kya ? ye tumhe kab pata chala” — maine pucha
“Pen drive to koyi ek hafte pehle mil gayi thi. manish ne mujhe bata bhi diya tha par aaj kavita ki laash mili hai”
“ohh god tum mujhe aaj bata rahi ho” —- maine kaha
mai bhaag kar apni khidki mein gayi aur baahar dekha
baahar billu ki taxi khadi thi par ush mein koyi nahi tha
“yaar mujhe laga tumhaara ish sab mein koyi interest nahi hai” dipti ne kaha
“aur vo jo sunita ne bataaya tha vo kya tha dipti” —- maine pucha.
“Vo jhut bol rahi thi ritu, dar-asal sunita ye afvaah sanjay ke kahne par uda rahi thi. maine to bataaya bhi tha tumhe ki manish ko khud ushki baat par yakin nahin hai” —- dipti ne kaha.
“Ohh god,….. dipti, maine billu ko na jaane kya-kya bol diya” — maine kaha
tab achaanak mujhe dhayaan aaya ki peechle 2 hafte se billu mujhe kahin nahi deekha. Na hi 2 hafte se ushki koyi chit ghar mein mili. Haan ushki taxi abhi bhi vahin ki vahin khadi hai.
maine dipti ka phone kaat diya
maine tv on kar ke dekha to sabhi channels par kavita ka kankaal deekhaaya ja raha tha. sach mein bahut khaufnaak najaara tha. news mein bataaya ja raha tha ki forensic report ke mutaabik kavita ko jeenda hi dafna diya gaya tha.
dipti ka phir se phone aa gaya
“manish ne media ko ish sab mein involve karke acha kiya na ritu. Ab mujrimo ko saja mil sakegi. Ab ye case media sambhaal legi. Manish bata raha tha ki sanjay ke saath saath baaki ke teen logo ko giraftaar kar liya gaya hai. par yaar media wale kavita ke bhai ke baare mein puch rahein hain. Kya billu abhi bhi vahin hai” —- dipti ne kaha
“mujhe nahi pata dipti, peechle 2 hafte se maine ushe nahi dekha. Haan ushki taxi yaha jaroor khadi hai” — maine kaha
mera dil bahut bhaari ho raha tha. main badi mushkil se dipti se baat kar paa rahi thi.
aakhri baar maine billu ko 8-03-09 ko dekha tha. ushki vo dard bhari halki si mushkaan aur aankho ki nami mujhe abhi tak yaad hai. ush din billu ke jaane ke baad sanjay bhi ushke peeche peeche gaya tha.
kahin sanjay ne to ushke saath kuch aisa vaisa nahi kar diya. vo kah to raha tha ki, “marna to ushe hai hi, yaha nahi to kahin aur marega”
tabhi mujhe yaad aaya ki maine ush din ushki chit apni diary mein rakhi thi.
maine vo chit nikaali aur ushe padhne lagi
ushmein leekha tha :——-
“ meri pyari ritu.
Tum maano ya na maano. Mai tumhe bahut pyar karta hun. mujhe khud bhi nahi pata ki aisa kyon hai. haan bas ek ahsaash hai ki tumhaare bina jee nahi sakta. tum meri jeendagi ho ritu. main bas tumhe paane ki ek koshish kar raha tha. kya karun apne dil ke haatho majboor tha. par main ye baat bhul raha tha ki tum mujhe kabhi maaf nahi kar paaogi. Karogi bhi kyon. ** meri didi ka huva tha,tumhaari ish mein kya galti thi. aur haan ritu maine pehle jaroor kahaani banaayi hai, bahut jhut boley hai. itne jhut boley hai ki aaj tumhaara vishwaas kho chuka hun. par maine apni didi ke ** ki kahaani nahi banaayi. Haan mere paas koyi saboot nahi hai. tabhi to bina saboot ke kuch kar nahi paaya. Aur didi ka ab tak kuch pata nahin ki kaha hai, jo aakar khud sach bata sakein. to tum kuch bhi soch sakti ho. Aaj lagta hai ki main haar gaya. Koshish bahut kar raha tha tumhe apna pyar deekhaane ki par….. chalo chhodo.. aur kuch nahi leekha ja raha. dil bhaari ho raha hai aur aankhe bhar aayi hai. vaise pata nahi tum padhogi bhi ya nahi. but I will love you forever. Kabhi meri yaad aaye to yahi mat sochna ki maine tumhe barbaad kiya tha. ho sake to ek baar ye bhi sochna ki maine tumhe pyar bhi kiya tha. main jhuta inshaan sahi par mera pyar sacha hai.…… billu”
Ye letter padhte padhte meri aankho se aanshu tapak rahe the aur letter ki leekhaavat ko dhundala kar rahe the.
Mujhe ye samajh nahi aa raha tha ki aakhir billu ke dil mein pyar ka phool kaise khil sakta hai. par jo bhi ho ushka pyar ab mujhe meri aatma tak mahsush ho raha hai.
Date : 29-03-09
Aaj ek hafta ho gaya kavita ki laash ko mile par billu ka kuch ata pata nahi. aisa kaise ho gaya ki vo apni sister ki laash tak dekhne nahin aaya.
Pura hafta meri najre billu ko dhundati rahi. roj subah office jaate vakt aur shaam ko office se aate vakt main billu ki taxi ko dekhti hun. vo 8-03-09 se vaisi ki vaisi ek hi jagah khadi hai.
Shaam ko ghar aate hi darvaaje ke aas paas dekhti hun ki kahin billu ne koyi chit to nahi chhodi par mujhe kuch nahi milta.
Ek baar vo apni didi ka antim shanskaar kar deta to acha hota. Mere man se ek bojh hat jaata. Aaj phir se bahut dukh ho raha hai ki maine bina soche samjhe ush din mandir ke baahar pata nahin billu ko ushki didi ke baare mein kya kya bol diya.
Aaj subah mandir jaate vakt meri aankhe billu ko dhund rahi thi. Pata nahin billu se kya rista ban gaya hai mera. Vo hota hai to main chaahti hun ki vo dafa ho jaaye. Vo nahi hota to kuch na kuch aisey haalaat ho jaate hai ki meri nazre bas ushe hi dhundati hain
Har pal yahi lagta hai ki abhi kahin se billu aayega aur kahega “ritu ruko tumse kuch jaroori baat karni hai”
Jab bhi apne ghar mein ghusti hun to man yahi sochta hai ki mujhe abhi ek chit milegi jish mein leekha hoga, “meri pyari ritu” aur main pura letter pyar se padhungi.
Par aisa kuch nahi ho raha. pata nahi billu kaha chala gaya.
Mandir se aate vakt maine ushki taxi mein jhaank kar dekha to mujhe ek diary aur gift pack deekha
Maine ek pathar uthaaya aur gaadi ka sheesa tod diya aur diary aur vo gift pack baahar nikaal liya.
Mai apne ghar ke ander aa gayi aur bedroom mein baith kar ushki diary padhne lagi.
Ushmein leekha tha :——-
Jabse hosh aaya hai mai bas ritu ke liye hi tadap raha hun. pata nahi kish janam ka rista hai mera ush se. jaroor koyi janmo ka rista hai varna ye pyar hona mushkil tha.
Mai to ritu ke jariye sanjay ko barbaad karne gaya tha par apna dil kho baitha. Acha hi huva. Jabse ritu se pyar huva hai, tab se ye ahsaash huva hai ki badla lene se kuch haansil nahi hota. Sanjay ko barbaad karne ke chakkar mein maine ritu jaisi ek achi inshaan ki jeendagi barbaad kar di. Mujhe kya mila ? kuch nahi. na meri didi ko insaaf mila, na meri didi ka kuch pata chala.
Ab ek koshish karta hun apne pyar ko paane ki. maine ritu ki aankho mein apne liye pyar dekha hai. mujhe ummeed hai ki main ek na ek din apne pyar ko paa lunga. Baaki ish kishmat ka kuch pata nahin. Main bas ek ummeed hi rakh sakta hun.

[hirarandi]

Aaj taxi ka intezaam ho gaya hai. kal se chalaana shuru kar dunga. Pata nahi kuch ban paaunga ya nahi par ek shuruvaat to kar hi di hai. mere aur ritu ke beech mein bahut saari rukaavte hai.
Sabse pehli rukaavat hai, ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat. Ush nafrat ko dur karna hoga. Koshish kar raha hun. dekhte hain kya hota hai
sabse badi rukaavat hai mera status. Mere paas kuch nahi hai ritu ko dene ko. Mujhe bahut mehnat karni hogi. agar pati ka farz nibhaana hai to mujhe kuch ban-na padega. chalo taxi se start karta hun. jaldi hi mumbai mein paanv jamaane ke baad kuch bada kaam bhi karunga.
Date : 13-02-09
Aaj ritu ke ghar mein ek letter chhod diya hai. maine ushmein ritu ko leekh diya hai ki main ush se shaadi karna chaahta hun. dekhte hai vo ish baat ko kaise leti hai.
Soch raha hun IT field mein kuch seekh lun. Maine delhi mein ish baare mein dhyaan hi nahi diya. varna aaj IT field mein kaam kar raha hota. Computer ke basics to mujhe pata hai, bas high tech skill seekhne ki jaroorat hai. roj 1-2 ghanta nikaal kar ye kaam bhi kar sakta hun. vakt kam hai. mujhe jald se jald ritu ke laayak ban-na hai. vo assisstant manager hai aur mai taxi driver vo bhala kaise mujh se shaadi ke baare mein sochegi. Philhaal to bas pyar ka hi sahaara hai. shaayad ushe meri aankho mein pyar nazar aa jaaye. Par phir bhi mujhe jald se jald kuch ban-na hoga. Baat ritu ki hi nahi hai. hamaara ek bacha bhi hai, chintoo. Mai chintoo ko bahut pyar dunga. Soch raha hun ki, bas chintoo ko hi rakhenge. Aur bacho ki kya jaroorat hai. hum dono ke liye ek bacha kaafi hai.
Date : 8-03-09
Kuch banta nazar nahi aa raha. ritu ke man mein mere liye nafrat jyon ki tyon hai. aaj mandir ke baahar ritu ne kuch aisa kah diya ki dil tut kar beekhar gaya hai. Ek ek tukda kaha jaa kar gira hai, pata nahi.
Par main ritu se bilkul naraaz nahin hun. apni jeendagi se bhala koyi naraaz hota hai. ushe mujhe kuch bhi kahne ka haq hai. vo meri jaan jo hai. par lagta hai mujhe apni jeendagi se dur rahna padega. main ritu ko aur jyada pareshaan nahi kar sakta. aise pyar ka kya faayda jo kishi ko pareshaan kare.
Vaise bhi itni jaldi mai kaha kuch ban paata. Aur phir ye status aur class ka chakkar to abhi baaki hai. mai jaanbujh kar haari huyi baaji khel raha tha. kal delhi jaane ki ticket book kara li hai. dukhi man se mujhe yaha se ab jaana hi hoga.
Vaise bhi na ritu se baat hoti hai. baat karne jaata hun to vo pareshaan hoti hai. ab letter daalna bhi ushne band karva rakha hai. main kaise ushka dil jeetunga. Mujhe yaha se chale jaana chaahiye.
Mere paapo ki yahi saja hai ki mai apne pyar ke liye tadap tadap kar marun……..
……………
billu ki diary padhte padhte meri aankhe nam ho gayi. ushka har ek shabd maano mere dil tak pahunch raha tha aur puch raha tha, “ritu do you love me”
maine diary ko maathe se laga liya. ush mein vo pyar tha, jo maine ab tak apni jeendagi mein nahi dekha tha.
tabhi meri nazar gift pack par gayi aur main ushe kholne lagi.
ushmein ek laal rang ki saree thi. jaise kishi dulhan ke liye ho. Diary mein ushke baare mein kuch nahi leekha tha. par main jaanti hun ki vo ye saree mere liye hi laaya hoga. Maine ush saree ko gale se laga liya.
maine bhagvaan se pucha, “hey bhagvaan agar aapko mujhe aur billu ko pyar ke bandhan mein baandhna tha to hamein itne lambe raste se kyon ghumaaya. Aur ab jab ye pyar ka phool khil gaya hai to ab billu kaha hai” ???
ye kuch aise sawaal the jinka mere paas koyi jawaab nahi hai aur shaayad na hi kabhi honge.
Date : 22-06-09
Aaj pure 3 mahine ho gaye kavita ki laash ko mile. Ushka antim sanskaar bhi ho chuka hai, par billu ka kuch nahi pata. Peechle hafte main khud kavita ke antim sanskaar mein shaamil hone ke liye delhi gayi thi. bahut wait kiya billu ka par aakhir mein thak haar kar kavita ka antim sanskaar karna hi pada.
Faridabad ja kar main jail mein sanjay se bhi milkar aayi hun.
Maine pucha, “billu kaha hai sanjay”
“Ushke hazaar tukde karke maine mumbai ke naalon mein baha diye hai, jao jaa kar chun lo, kuttiya kahin ki..hehehe..” —– sanjay ne hanste huve kaha.
Ishke alaawa main sanjay se kuch aur baat nahi kar paayi. Maine paap kiya tha to mujhe ahsaash tha ki maine galat kiya par sanjay ko apni galti ka koyi afsosh nahi hai. yahi shaayad hamaare samaaj ki sabse badi kamzori hai. aadmi hazaar paap karke bhi sheena choda karke ghum sakta hai, par aurat ki ek galti bhi ush par bahut bhaari padti hai aur shaari umar ushe nazre jhuka kar chalna padta hai.
Aaj mai ummeed kho chuki hun.
Ek pyar ka phool jo bas kheelne hi laga tha, murjha gaya. billu ke saath meri jo ek hansin jeendagi ho sakti thi, hone se pehle hi kho gayi. mujhe billu ko ye kahne ka moka bhi nahi mila ki “I love you too”.
Jab vo shaamne tha to main har pal ushe koshti rahti thi. aaj jab vo paas nahi hai to main ushke liye taras rahin hun. kaash vo kahin se aa jaaye to main apna dil ushke aage chir kar rakh dungi aur kahungi ki dekho tumhaara pyar kaha tak pahunch gaya hai. Main ushe kahungi ki tum vaakayi mein mere sharir se meri aatma tak pahunch gaye ho. Par ab kya ho sakta hai. ye baate ab bas sochi ja sakti hain. Jishe ye sab kahna tha, vo to na jaane kahan hai. ish diniya mein hai bhi ya nahi, ye bhi nahi pata.
Pata nahi ish sab ke liye kaun zimmedaar hai. bahut hi ajeeb khel khela hai ish jeendagi ne mere saath.
“Pyar kya hai mujhe nahi pata. Mujhe bas itna pata hai ki meri nazre ush inshaan ko dhund rahin hai, jishne mujhe barbaad kiya tha. kaash vo kahin se phir se aa jaaye aur main dil khol kar ushe kah sakun ki maine tumhe maaf kar diya, please ab mere paas raho aur ush pyar ke ahsaash mein mujhe dubo do jishmein tum khud dube huve ho”
Love is very special feeling. It happened to me in a very strange situation. But I welcome this gift of god in my life. I will cherish this love through out my life.
Ab shaayad billu ish duniya mein nahi hai, par kya huva ushka pyar hamesha mere saath rahega.
Hey bhagvaan billu ko maaf karna, for I have forgiven him. He is now my love. vo jahan bhi ho Ushka khyaal rakhna.
Aaj ye diary yahin band kar rahin hun. ab kuch aur leekhne ki himmat nahin hai aur vaise bhi kuch aur leekhne ko bacha bhi nahi hai.
——————
Date : 9-08-09
Aaj ye diary padhi. padh kar meri aankhe nam ho gayi hain.
Ritu ne mujh se ye diary chupa kar rakhi thi. aaj se main ishmein leekhna shuru kar raha hun.
“jatin ushe mat padhna tumhe dukh hoga aur main apne pati ko dukh nahi dena chaahti, vaise tumhe sab kuch pata hi hai” —– ritu ne mujh se kaha
main samajh sakta hun ki vo kyon nahi chaahti thi ki main ye diary na padhun.
shaadi se pehle ritu ne kaha tha, “jatin mujhe ek moka dena. Tumhaare liye main kuch bhi karungi. Mujhe nahi pata ki main ek patni ka farz nibha paaungi ya nahi par jab baat tumhaari hai to main kuch bhi kar jaaungi. I love you”
jab se ritu se shaadi huyi hai jeendagi khil uthi hai. hamaari shaadi ko lagbagh ek mahina ho gaya hai. par hum abhi normal husband wife ki tarah karib nahi aa paaye hain. Ritu puraani baate nahi bhula paayi hai. haan mujh se pyar bahut karti hai
abhi thodi der pehle baathroom se naha kar nikli to sharmaate huve bhaag kar bedroom mein ghuss gayi. vo hamesha concious rahti hai ki main ushe dekh raha hun.
par jab vo bathroom se nikli thi to maine khud apni nazre ghuma li thi. main ushe pura time de raha hun. mujhe ushka sharir paane ki koyi jaldi nahin hai.
vaise bhi ye jism ki baat nahi hai balki ushke dil tak pahunchna hai, lambi duri taiy karne mein vakt to lagta hai. ye Jagjit Singh ki gazal bilkul meri situation par bani lagti hai.
jo bhi ho ritu ke saath ek chhat ke neeche rahne ka bahut pyara ahsaash hai. she is very beautiful women. Lets see how our marriage life moves forward. Looking forwad for a day when I will have her in my arms and I will say to her while looking into her eyes “ritu you are the most beautiful women and I am proud to have you in my life”
lekin abhi vo sharmaati itna hai ki dur dur rahti hai. dekhte hai kab tak mere pyar se dur rahegi.
Date : 9-08-09
3:00 pm
Aaj Sunday hai aur hum dono ghar par hi hain. Abhi abhi lunch kiya hai. ritu bahut acha khaana banaati hai. dar lagta hai ki kahin main kha kha kar mota na ho jaaun. Par vo itne pyar se daal daal kar deti hai ki main khaata chala jaata hun.
Aaj ritu ne bahut saare item banaaye the, jishke kaaran bahut thak gayi thi, ishliye bedroom mein jaa kar sho gayi. mujhe kah rahi thi ki bas yu hi late rahin hun. par abhi maine dekha to paya ki vo shoyi huyi hai.
pehli baar aaj ushe shote huve dekha hai. nahi to vo raat ko to alag shoti hi hai, dopahar ko bhi apne bedroom ki kundi laga kar shoti hai. aaj galti se kundi khuli rah gayi shaayad, kyonki ushe pata hi nahi hoga ki neend aa jaayegi
Jo bhi hai mujhe ushe shote huve dekhna bahut acha lag raha hai. bilkul ek maasum bache ki tarah paanv sikod kar sho rahi hai. ushe bilkul hosh nahi hai ki main ushke saamne baitha hun varna abhi uth jaati. main chupchaap ushke saamne kursi par baith kar ye diary leekh raha hun. ushke karib hone ka bahut pyara ahsaash ho raha hai mujhe
Mujhe bilkul nahi pata ki pyar kya hai. mere liye ish shabd ko define karna bahut mushkil kaam hai. meri jeendagi mein ye bahut ajeeb haalaat mein aaya hai. haan log kahte hain ki pyar ka dushra naam bhagvaan hai. pata nahi ki log ish baat par vishwaas karte hai ya nahi, haan par mujhe pura yakin hai ki bhagvaan ka dushra naam ritu hai. vahi mera sab kuch hai, vahi mere liye bhagvaan hai aur hamesha rahegi.
8 march ko mumbai se bahut dukhi man se gaya tha. pata nahi tha ki vaapis aaunga ya nahi. mujhe lagne laga tha ki main bevajah ritu par apna pyar thop raha hun. pehle ush par apni havash thopi thi ab pyar bhi thopunga to pyar aur havash mein kya anter rah jaayega.
Mumbai vaapis aane ka socha nahi tha, par ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye main phir se mumbai kheencha chala aaya. 28 june ko shaam ke koyi 5 baje main mumbai pahunch gaya.
mumbai mein paanv rakhte hi mere tan badan mein ek ajeeb si bechaini hone lagi. jald se jald ritu ko dekhna chaahta tha. par main dubaara ritu ko koyi pareshaani bhi nahi dena chaahta tha. ishliye soch raha tha ki kaise ushe bina pareshaan kiye ek baar dekha jaaye.
Main ritu ke ghar ke saamne pahunch gaya. Thodi der tak ritu ki khidki ko dekhta raha. dil bas ritu ko ek baar dekhne ke liye taras raha tha. main soch raha tha ki pata nahi kaisi hogi meri ritu. ek ghanta ho gaya. Ritu khidki mein nahi aayi. Maine socha chalo gate way of India par ghum aata hun. baad mein try karunga. kya pata vo kahin gayi huyi ho.
Main gate way of India pahunch kar ushi jagah khada ho gaya jahaan main ritu ke gale lag kar behosh huva tha.
ush pal ko main kabhi nahi bhula paaya. balki vo ahsaash abhi tak mere saath hai. ritu se shaadi ho chuki hai, par abhi tak hum gale bhi nahi mile hain. Bahut saare kaaran hain ish baat ke.
Khair main ushi ahsaash ko dubaara paana chaahta tha, ishliye vaha jhuk kar maine ush jamin ko chum liya jahaan ritu khadi huyi thi.
jee haan, pyar aapse bahut kuch ajeeb karva deta hai. sabhi log dekh rahe the ki main kya kar raha hun. par mujhe logo se koyi matlab nahi tha. mujhe to ush ahsaash ko dubaara jeena tha. aur phir main khada ho kar samunder ki taraf ghum kar bilkul vaise hi khada ho gaya jaise ush din khada tha. bilkul ushi din ki tarah main samunder ko dekhte dekhte ushki vishaalta mein kho gaya.
Vakt jaise khud ko dohra raha tha. mujhe bilkul yakin nahi tha ki bhagvaan mujhe ritu se bilkul ushi din ki tarah milvaayenge.
Main to samunder mein kho chuka tha, achaanak mujhe mere peeche se awaaj aayi
“Tum khud ko samajhte kya ho, billu”
main jhat se ghum gaya aur maine jo dekha ush par vishwaas karna mushkil tha.
ritu ek chote bache ki tarah aankho mein aanshu ley kar mere saamne khadi thi. aisa lag raha tha jaise ki kishi bache ka khilona kho gaya ho aur vo ushke liye ro raha ho.
Main itna hairaan tha ki kuch nahi kah paaya bas aankhe phaad kar ritu ko dekhta raha.
“Kahaan chale gaye the tum” —- ritu ne rote huve pucha.
Mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kya karun. Maine kabhi ritu ko aisi haalat mein nahi dekha tha
Maine ritu ke kandhe ki aur haath badhaaya aur kaha, “ritu please chup ho jao”
Phir kuch ish tareeke se ritu ne apne pyar ka izhaar kiya ki meri aankhe bhar aayi.
“Mujhe chune ki koshish bhi mat karna, tumhe pyar karne ka ye matlab nahi hai ki tum mere sharir se kheloge” ritu ne kaha… aur kah kar peeche ki aur hat gayi.
“nahin ritu tum mujhe galat samajh rahi ho, main tumhaare sharir ka bhuka nahin hun, vo billu jo tumhaare sharir ka bhuka tha kab ka mar chuka hai, aaj tumhaare saamne jo khada hai vo jatin hai. main to bas tumhe chup karaane ki koshish kar raha tha. dekho chup ho jao, log hamein hi dekh rahe hain” — maine bhaavuk ho kar kaha.
“Tum mere flat ke saamne se mujh se miley bina nikal gaye, tumhe sharam nahi aayi, kaisa pyar hai tumhaara” — ritu ne kaha.
“Nahin ritu aisi baat nahi hai, main to tumhaare ghar ke saamne ek ghanta khada raha tha. tum khidki mein nahi deekhi to thodi der yaha ghumne chala aaya. Ush din ki yaad taaja kar raha tha jish din tumne mujhe gale lagaaya tha. main abhi thodi der mein vaapis aane wala tha” —- maine ritu ki aankho mein dekh kar kaha.
“Sach bol rahe ho” — ritu ne apni aankho se aanshu punchte huve kaha.
Ritu ke chehre par pyari si maasumiyat thi
“Haan ritu main yaha tumhaare liye hi to aaya hun, varna yaha mera aur kaun hai” — maine kaha.
Ritu thodi shaant huyi aur boli, “main jab khidki mein aayi to tumhe bas jaate huve dekha. Tumhe nahi pata ki mere dil par kya beeti, bhaag kar aayi hun main yaha”
“Ritu mujhe yakin nahi tha ki tum mujhe itne pyar se milogi, main to bas tumhe ek baar dekhne aaya tha, do you love me” ? —– maine pucha.
“Billu pehle tum ye bataao ki tum the kahaan, kavita ko dekhne bhi nahi aaye, kya meri baat itni buri lag gayi thi. mera to chalo kuch nahi par kavita ?? kaise bhul gaye apni didi ko tum. Tumhaara bahut intzar kiya,tum nahi aaye to tumhaare bina hi kavita ka antim sanskaar karna pada. Kyon kiya ye sab ?” —– ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar pucha.
“Ritu sab kuch bataata hun, par mujhe billu mat kaho. billu ab mar chuka hai. Mera naam jatin hai. sharam aati hai mujhe tumhaare muh se billu shun kar. Tum meri baat samajh sakti ho… hain na” — maine kaha.
“Mujhe pata hai tumhaara naam jatin hai, maine tumhaari puri inquary karva rakhi hai, acha naam hai. tumhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai, jatin means sage or muni. Par tum to kuch aur hi ho” —- ritu ne kaha
“mujhe pata hai jatin ka matlab kya hai ritu, aur ish naam ke gun bachpan se mere ander hain” — maine kaha.
“Acha chalo chhodo, mujhe ab ye bataao ki tum kaun si duniya mein chale gaye the ki apni didi ko bhi dekhne nahi aaye” — ritu ne gambhir ho kar kaha.
“Theek hai ritu tumhe aaj sab kuch bataaunga, ye bhi bataaunga ki main kahaan tha aur apni jeendagi ke baare mein bhi bataaunga, chalo kishi restaurant mein chalte hain, baat lambi hai, yahaan khade khade thak jaayenge” — maine kaha.
“Theek hai main shun-na chaahti hun billu….mm matlab jatin…… sorry aage se tumhe bas jatin hi kahungi, lekin yahin baat karenge, restaurant jaane mein vakt lagega, main aur intezaar nahi kar sakti” — ritu ne kaha.
“pehli baar meri jaan itne pyar se mili hai, restaurant to tumhe ley jaana hi padega, chalo na please araam se baat karenge” — maine kaha
“kya main tumhaari jaan hun jatin” — ritu ne meri aur dekh kar pucha.
“Haan ritu, you are my life, infact you are my god, tabhi to main aaj phir yahaan kheencha chala aaya, aur bhagvaan ka chamatkaar dekho aaj tum mere shaamne aankho mein pyar ley kar khadi ho. We are in love, hain na ritu” —- maine kaha
“tum mujhe pehle ye bataao ki kahaan the tum? , baaki ki baate baad mein karenge. Thodi der khade rah kar thak nahi jaayenge, jaldi bataao, kahan the” —- ritu ne kaha.
Maine phir ritu ko restaurant ke liye insist nahi kiya. Hum dono vahin divaar ke saath ek dushre ki aur muh karke khade ho gaye.
“Ritu mai 8 march ko bahut dukhi man se tumhaare ghar se chala tha. agle din ki delhi ki ticket book karva rakhi thi. par kishmat ko kuch aur hi manjoor tha. main delhi jaane ki bajaaye pune pahunch gaya” —- maine kaha
“pune !! pune kya karne gaye the” —- ritu ne pucha

[hirarandi]

in my words :—–
ye ek alag hi kahaani hai. bachpan se main thoda spiritual raha hun. aksar shaant jagah dekh kar main aankhe band karke baith jaata tha. tumhe ye baat thodi ajeeb lagegi lekin ye sach hai.
Ek baar college mein history ke teacher ne bhagvaan buddh ki kahaani shunaayi thi. ush kahaani ki kuch khaas panktiyaan mujhe aaj tak yaad hain.
Kahaani ke anushaar bhagvaan buddh ko bodhvriksha ke neeche enligtenment huyi thi. mere man mein bachpan se ye sawaal baar baar aaya hai ki kya hai ye enlightenment.
Pata to kuch tha nahin. main aksar shaant jagah dekh kar chupchaap aankhe band karke baith jaaya karta tha. kyonki maine shuna tha ki bhagvaan buddh bhi aankhe band karke baitha karte the. par kabhi kuch khaas ahsaash nahi huva.
Jab bhi aankhe band karta tha to bas andhera hi deekhta tha. vaise bachpan mein itna kuch pata bhi nahi tha meditation ke baare mein. Lekin pata nahin kyon main phir bhi kuch na kuch try karta rahta tha
Didi jab mujhe kabhi aisi haalat mein dekhti thi to kahti thi, “jatin kya koyi jholachaap baba ban-ne ka iraada hai, chalo padhaayi karo”
Didi aksar mujhe jatin kah kar hi bulaati thi. vaise har koyi mujhe bachpan se billu kah kar hi bulaata hai
Maine Osho ki maditation practices ke baare mein kaafi shun rakha tha. par kabhi kishi jagah ja kar try nahi kiya tha.
Jab main ush din tumhaare ghar se nikla tha to man bahut jyada udaas tha. delhi jaane ka bilkul man nahi tha. aur main mumbai mein ruk kar tumhe aur jyada pareshaan nahi karna chaahta tha.
Pune mein jo osho ashram hai ushke baare mein kaafi shun rakha tha. man mein achaanak ek vichaar aaya ki chalo pune chalta hun aur kuch maditation sikhta hun, shaayad dukhi man ko kuch shaanti mil jaaye.
Maine jeendagi mein tumhe barbaad karne ke alaawa koyi bura kaam nahi kiya. Par tumhe barbaad karna hi mera sabse bada paap ban gaya. Agar ush vakt tum mujhe apna leti to mere dil ka bojh halka ho jaata, par aisa ho nahi paaya. tumhe paane ki ummeed kho chuka tha. aise mein meditation mein mujhe roshni ki ek kiran nazar aa rahi thi.
Maine shun rakha tha ki meditation mein inshaan mar kar ek naya janam leta hai. aur ish tarah main apne ander ke ush billu ko maarne nikal pada jishe tum jaanti thi
Aur ish tarah mein pune pahunch gaya
Mera ek college ka friend, madan pune mein ek call center mein laga hai. mujhe bhi ushne vahi lagva diya. madan bhi osho ke ashram jaata rahta tha. maine 4-5 baar ashram ja kar dynamic meditation seekh li. Ushke baad mein madan ke ghar par roj subah dynamic meditation karne laga.
Dynamic meditation ka 3 mahine ka ek pura complete cycle hota hai. ishe pura kar liya jaaye to inshaan ko kuch bahut gahre ahsaash hote hain. Unko shabdo mein nahi kaha ja sakta.
Pure 3 mahine maine ye meditation ki. kabhi madan ke ghar par aur kabhi ashram par. Ish meditaion ne meri jeendagi badal di. Main billu se jatin ban gaya. Pehle bas naam ka jatin tha. ish meditation ke baad sach mein jatin ban gaya.
“hmm…. to tum meditation seekh rahe the, ishliye apni didi ko dekhne nahi aaye, mujhe ye sab shun kar bilkul acha nahi lag raha jatin. Kuch kaam aise hote hain jinhe aap kabhi nahi taal sakte. Tum apni didi ko bhula kar aatma parmaatma ke chakkar mein pad gaye, kya tumhe nahi lagta ki tumne bahut galat kiya hai, aur tum meditation seekhne bhi kahaan gaye,….ek sex guru ke asharam mein, lagta hai tum khud ko dhoka de rahe ho” ritu ne kaha
“aisi baat nahi hai main didi ko ush haalat mein tv par hi nahi dekh paaya to vaha ja kar kaise dekh leta. Mere ander itni himmat nahi thi ritu. Maine to ish baat ko hi swikaar nahi kiya ki vo meri didi hi thi. haan par aaj baat dushri hai. aaj main bahut shaant hun. 3 mahine jo maine meditation ki hai, ushne meri jeendagi badal di hai. vaise kaafi had tak to tumhaare pyar mein main badal hi chuka tha, baaki ka kaam ish mediatation ne kar diya aur ish tarah billu maara gaya. Aur haan osho par sex guru ka thappa vo log lagaate hain jo sex mein upar se neeche tak dube huve hain, maine osho ko khub padha hai unhone kabhi sex ko promote nahi kiya” —- maine kaha.
“Mujhe laga sanjay ne tumhaare saath kuch aisa vaisa kar diya. vo ush din jish din tum aakhri baar letter daalne aaye the, tumhaare peeche hi gaya tha. ushne mujhe bataaya tha ki ushne tumhaare tukde tukde karke mumbai ke naalo mein baha diye. Main ye shun kar soch baithi thi ki ab tum ish duniya mein nahi ho” —- ritu ne kaha
“ritu inshaan frustration mein kaafi kuch bol jaata hai. sanjay ne yu hi tumhe pareshaan karne ke liye bol diya hoga. This is natural tendancy of frustrated person” ———- maine kaha
“par mujhe lagta hai ki tumhe ek baar to kavita ke liye aana chaahiye tha” — ritu ne kaha

[hirarandi]

“ye baat main ab samajh raha hun, par pehle himmat nahi thi. mere dil mein jo didi ki ek shunder tasvir thi ushe hata kar main ek kankaal vaha nahi beethaana chaahta tha” —- maine kaha
phir hum thodi der shaant khade rahe. Meri nazar ritu ke chehre par gayi to vahin ja kar tik gayi. main ritu ko pyar se dekhne laga. pehli baar vo dil mein pyar ley kar mere paas khadi thi. bahut pyara ahsaash ho raha tha mujhe ush vakt
“kya dekh rahe ho” —- ritu ne pucha
“apni jaan ko dekh raha hun ki kaisi hai meri jaan, bahut pyari lag rahi ho, I love you” — maine kaha.
“Jatin mujhe maaf kardo maine ush din mandir ke baahar tumhe na jaane kya kya bol diya tha” —- ritu ne kaha
“I love you ritu” —– maine kaha
“jatin main kah rahi thi ki mujhe maaf kardo maine ush din mandir ke baahar tumhe na jaane kya kya bol diya tha” —– ritu ne kaha
main itna bhaavuk ho raha tha ki mujhe kuch nahi shun raha tha. maine phir apne pyar ka izhaar kiya
“I love you ritu, do you love me” ? —- maine pucha
“tumhe meri aankho mein kya nazar aa raha hai, jatin” —– ritu ne bade pyar se meri aankho mein dekh kar pucha.
“Pyar nazar aa raha hai, ish samunder se bhi gahra pyar nazar aa raha hai, jishke kinaare hum khade hain, aisa kaise ho gaya ritu” —- maine bhaavuk ho kar pucha
“pata nahi jatin, main khud hairaan hun ki mein kaise tumhe pyar kar sakti hun, par jo bhi hai ye sach hai ki I love you, kya tumhe pata hai ki tum mujhe kyon pyar karte ho” —- ritu ne pucha
maine kaha, “nahi pata, bas itna pata hai ki tumhaare bina jee nahi sakta, meditation mein bahut gahre ahsaash pa kar bhi tumhe bhula nahi paaya. abhi kuch dino pehle mere saath kuch ajeeb huva. mein dynamic meditation karne ke baad shaanti se aankh band karke baith gaya, pata hai mujhe apne ander kya deekhaayi diya”
“kya deekhaayi diya jatin” —- ritu ne pucha
“mujhe tum deekhaayi di ritu, bade pyar se mushkura rahi thi. ush din maine decide kiya ki dynamic meditation khatam karke tumhe dekhne mumbai aaunga. Aur dekho aaj main aa gaya. Par aaj pata chala ki vo bhagvaan ka sanket tha ki jao, tumhaara pyar tumhe bula raha hai. dekho aaj tum aankho mein pyar ley kar mere saamne khadi ho, lagta hai mujhe sab kuch mil gaya. I love you ritu, I realy love you a lot” —- maine bhaavuk ho kar kaha
aakhri ki lines bolte huve meri aankho mein aanshu utar aaye.
“tumhaare ishi pyar ne mere man mein pyar jagaaya hai, varna to main tumse bahut nafrat karti thi” —- ritu ne bhi bhaavuk ho kar kaha
maine dekha ki ritu ki bhi bolte bolte aankhe bhar aayi thi.
love is really a very wonderfull gift of god. Ush vakt mujhe aisa lag raha tha ki main chaand par pahunch gaya hun. khud ko bahut halka mahsush kar raha tha.
maine ritu ke kandhe ki aur haath badhaaya
“nahin, mujhe chuna mat, maine kaha na mere pyar ka ye matlab nahin hai ki tum mere sharir se kheloge” —– ritu ne meri aankho mein dekh kar kaha
maine apna haath vaapis kheench liya. main bas ushe chu kar kahna chaahta tha ki tum meri jeendagi ho. Par ushki baat mujhe bilkul buri nahi lagi. vaise bhi jo aapki jaan ho ushki baat kya kabhi buri lagti hai.
“ritu mujh se shaadi karogi” ——- maine bahut bhaavuk ho kar pucha
ritu thodi der tak mujhe dekhti rahi aur phir apni nazre jhuka li. Main badi besabri se ushke jawaab ka intezaar kar raha tha.
“jatin main aaj tumhaare liye kuch bhi karne ko taiyaar hun, pyar jo ho gaya hai tumse, par ek baat se pareshaan hun ki hamaari shaadi ka aadhaar kya hoga” —- ritu ne pucha
“kya ish pyar ke baad kishi aadhaar ki jaroorat rah gayi hai ritu, ye apne aap mein sabse bada aadhaar hai” —- maine kaha
“kya log ye nahi samjhenge ki hamaari shaadi ka aadhaar havash hai” —- ritu ne kaha
“kya tumhe aaj bhi vo sab kuch yaad hai jo hamne havash mein dub kar kiya tha” —- maine pucha
“nahin main to ushe bahut pehle bhula chuki hun, tabhi to tumhe baar baar kah rahin hun ki mujhe chuna mat, main ush paap ko ek pal ko bhi yaad nahi karna chaahti” —- ritu ne kaha
“main bhi aaj vo sab kuch bhula chuka hun ritu. Tabhi maine kaha ki vo billu mar chuka hai. aaj bas ish dil mein pyar hai.peechle dino maine kuch yaad kiya to vo din tha jish din tumne mujhe yaha gale lagaaya tha. main bhi ush paap ko yaad nahi karna chaahta. Hum dono ish jeendagi mein bahut neeche gire the. Aaj badi mushkil se sambhlein hain. Yaha se hamein ek nayi shuruvaat karni hai. hamaari shaadi ka aadhaar ye pyar hai ritu aur kuch nahin. tum kahogi to main tumhe jeendagi bhar nahi chuvunga, aaj mere dil mein bas pyar hai, havash ko main bahut peeche chhod chuka hun” —— maine kaha
“tumhaari baate mere dil ko chu rahi hain jatin, par bahut mushkilein hain hamaari shaadi mein. Main samajh nahi pa rahin hun ki apne papa ko kya kahungi. Maine aaj tak unki baat nahi taali hai. papa mujhe sidharth ke saath shaadi karne ko kah rahe the. maine unhe kah diya tha ki main sidharth se shaadi nahi karungi aur apni jeendagi ka safar akele taiy karungi. Ab unhe kish muh se kahungi ki main shaadi karna chaahti hun, vo bhi ush inshaan se jishke kaaran meri pehli shaadi tuti hai. vo yahi samjhenge ki main havash mein andhi ho gayi hun. unhe kaise samjhaaungi ye pyar jo hamein khud bhi abhi tak samajh nahi aaya hai. chalo hum to phir bhi samajh hi rahe hain, ye duniya kabhi nahi samjhegi jatin. ab tum hi bataao ki kya karun main” ——- ritu ne meri aankho mein dekh kar kaha
ye shun kar meri aankhe nam ho gayi. maine kaha, “ to ishka matlab tum mujh se shaadi nahi karogi, hain na, kyonki ish duniya ko ye pyar samajh nahi aayega. tum mujhe ye bataao ki aaj tak kish ka pyar ish duniya ko samajh aaya hai, jo hamaara aayega. agar sab log aisa sochenge to koyi pyar ko anjaam tak ley jaane ki himmat nahi karega. Bada dukh huva tumhaare muh se ye sab shun kar. Par chalo chhodo”
“nahin jatin tum mujhe galat samajh rahe ho, maine kaha na ki main tumhaare liye kuch bhi karungi, tumhe pyar jo kiya hai, main to bas apni duvidha tumhe bata rahi thi. please don’t mind. I love you. Main tumhaari hun jatin. Please don’t take me wrong” —– ritu ne kaha
“kya sach kah rahi ho ritu ? please main tumhaare liye bahut emotional hun, mujhe saaf saaf kah do ki kya tum mujh se shaadi karogi. Main sach jaan-na chaahta hun. I don’t want to force you into any thing now. Jo bhi man mein ho bol do” maine kaha
“bataao kab karni hai shaadi jatin, main taiyaar hun. main bas apni concern bata rahi thi. mere liye apne ghar walo ko samjhaana mushkil hoga. Khaaskar mere papa ye baat nahi samjhenge. Par ye jeendagi meri hai. tumhe apna dil diya hai. ab ish pyar ke liye main kishi bhi anjaam tak jaane ko taiyaar hun. pata hai tum yaha nahi the to main har pal tumhe dekhne ke liye tarasti thi. har taraf meri nazre tumhe dhundati thi. aaj bhi jab khidki se tumhe jaate huve dekha to bhaag kar tumse milne yaha chali aayi. Jeetna tum mujhe pyar karte ho utna hi main bhi karti hun. jaldi se date decide kar lo main taiyaar hun. par yaad rakhna shaadi koyi khel nahi hai. bahut badi zeemmedaari hoti hai shaadi ke baad. Kya tumhe yakin hai ki tum ye zeemmedaari neebha paaoge” —- ritu ne kaha.
“Bilkul ritu maine to apne parivar ke liye bahut kuch soch rakha hai. main umar mein tumse chhota sahi par tazurbein mein tumse kahin aage hun. bahut kuch seekha hai ish chhoti se jeendagi mein. Tum chinta mat karo main ek pati ke saare farz nibhaaunga.” —- maine kaha
“par jatin, mujhe khud par yakin nahin hai ki main ek patni ke saare farz nibha paaungi ya nahi. mujhe ek moka dena jatin. Main puri koshis karungi” —- ritu ne kaha
ritu ne ye baat meri aankho mein dekh kar kuch ish tarah kahi ki main madhosh ho gaya.
Man kar raha tha ki ritu ko gale laga lun. Par main jaanta tha ki vo aisa hargeez nahi karne degi.
Kuch na kuch karne ka mera man to tha, jish se ki apne dil ki bhaavnaao ko deekha sakun.
Maine apne anguthe ko daanto se cheer diya aur ushmein se jo khun nikla ushe jhat se ritu ki maang mein bhar diya
“Jatin ye kya kiya, paagal ho gaye ho kya” ? ritu ne thoda gusse mein kaha.
“Mita do agar chaaho to, par tum ab meri patni ho, mujhe ish duniya se koyi matlab nahi hai” —– maine kaha
“main ishe mitaane ko nahi kah rahin hun, main to ye kah rahi thi ki ye angutha cheerne ki kya jaroorat thi tumhe. Main vaise bhi ab tumhaari hi hun” —- ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar kaha
“bas tumhe gale lagaana chaah raha tha. samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kaise apne dil ki bhaavna ko tumhe deekhaaun. Ishliye apne khun se tumhaari maang bhar di” —- maine kaha
ush vakt hum thodi der bina kuch kahe khade rahe. Hum dono ki aankho mein aanshu the. Kuch nahi pata tha ki hamaare riste ka matlab kya hai, par hum dono ek dushre ke saath chalne ko taiyaar the. Pyar bhi ajeeb cheez hai. ishko samajhna sach mein bahut mushkil kaam hai.
kab raat ke 9 baj gaye pata hi nahi chala.
“Chalein ab jatin, kaafi andhera ho gaya hai, mujhe andhere se dar lagta hai” —– ritu ne kaha
aur ish tarah hamaari khaamosi tuti.
“Theek hai chalte hain, ab mujhe shaadi ka intezaam bhi karna hai, kaafi kuch sochna padega. chalo sab manage ho jaayega, hamaara pyar hamaare saath hai na. Filhaal chalte hain” —- maine kaha.

[hirarandi]

“haan chalo baaki ki baatein baad mein karenge” — ritu ne kaha
“ruko pehle ish jagah ka dhanyavaad karte hain. Ish jagah ne hamaare pyar ke phool ko kheelte huve dekha hai. yaha hum chaaro taraf apne pyar ki khusboo chhod kar ja rahein hain. Chalo aankhe band karke ish jagah ka sukriya karein aur bhagvaan se duva karein ki yaha jo bhi aaye man mein pyar aur shaanti ley kar jaaye” —- maine kaha
“tum to koyi philosopher ban kar lote ho. Ye kya meditation ka asar hai, ya phir kuch aur jo main nahi jaanti” —– ritu ne kaha
“mujhe nahi pata kishka asar hai, haan par tumhaare pyar ka bahut gahra asar hai mujh par. Aaj bahut jyada khus hun. aaj tumhe aakhri baar dekhne aaya tha aur dekho tum hamesha ke liye meri ho gayi. meri jaan aaj meri patni ban gayi” ——– maine kaha
ritu ne kuch nahi kaha aur nazre jhuka kar mushkura di. Bahut pyari lagti hai ritu aise nazre jhuka kar mushkuraate huve. Ush vakt main bahut khus tha ki ritu ab meri jeendagi mein aa gayi hai.
“chalo ab aankhe band karke prayer karein, phir chalte hain” — maine ritu se kaha... 
hum dono ne aankhe band karke man hi man prayer ki aur phir saath saath ritu ke ghar ki aur chal pade.
Hum dono raaste bhar apne khaayalo mein khoye rahe aur ek dushre se kuch nahi kaha. Bas chalte chalte ek dushre ki taraf dekh kar mushkura dete the.
Ritu ka flat kab a gaya pata hi nahi chala. Main man hi man duva kar raha tha ki ritu ka ghar thodi der aur na aaye aur hum yu hi saath saath chalte rahein. Par ghar kaafi nazdeek tha. hum bahut jaldi vahaan pahunch gaye.
“Theek hai ritu tumhaara ghar aa gaya, ab tum jao, main chalta hun” —- maine kaha
“kahan jaaoge, jatin” ? — ritu ne pucha
“tum meri chinta mat karo, main chala jaaunga, bahut theekane hain rukne ke mere paas, aur phir hotel to hai hi” —- maine kaha
“kya tum hotel mein rukoge ?? , ye ghar ab tumhaara hai jatin, 3 bedroom hain ghar mein. Mujhe acha lagega agar tum mere saath rahoge to” —- ritu ne kaha
ye shun kar dil bahut bhaavuk ho gaya. Itna pyar aur sammaan de rahi thi ritu ki dil thaame nahi tham raha tha. lag raha tha ki main ro padunga.
maine man hi man socha ki ritu ka man vaakayi mein ushke sharir se bhi jyada shunder hai. vaise mujhe ye baat hamesha se pata thi ki vo ek achi inshaan hai.
maine kaha, “nahi ritu samjha karo, kishi ne dekh liya to bevajah badnaami hogi. ab bas shaadi karne ke baad hi ish ghar mein ghusunga. Aur vaise bhi main bahut bhaavuk ho raha hun tumhaare liye. tumhaare saath ruk gaya to kahin bahak na jaaun”
“tumhaari taange tod dungi tum bahak kar to deekhaao, ab main vo ritu nahin hun jo tumhaare bahkaave mein aa jaaungi” — ritu ne kaha
“pata hai, ab tum jhansi ki rani ban chuki ho. Mujhe to khud tumse dar lagne laga hai….hehehe… Pata nahi kab talvaar se mujhe kaat daalo. Ek baat bataao kya tumhe bandook chalaani aati hai” —- maine pucha
“nahin… kyon kya huva” —- ritu ne pucha
“sukar hai, varna to ush din jangal mein tum mera bheja uda deti. Maine socha bhi nahi tha ki tum pistol ley kar fire bhi kar sakti ho. Meri taang se goli cho kar nikal gayi varna jeendagi bhar langda kar chalna padta” —- maine kaha
“sorry jatin ush vakt haalaat hi kuch aise the. Mujhe tum se itni nafrat thi ki tumhe maar dena chaahti thi. Haan par aaj tumhe bahut pyar karti hun. tum aao to sahi. Hum alag alag bedroom mein shoyenge. Ab tum mere pati ho jatin. Meri maang apne khun se kya majaak mein bhari thi tumne” —- ritu ne kaha
“Ab aisi baate mat karo main ro padunga, kyon itna pyar de rahi ho. Sambhaalna mushkil ho raha hai. Main samajh sakta hun ki tumhe meri chinta hai. don’t worry about me jaan, I will be fine. Abhi jaane do. Shaadi ke baare mein bhi planning karni hai. bahut jaldi mein tumhe sab kuch final karke bata dunga. Now you go and take care. Haan apna mobile number de do kuch kaam huva to phone karunga” —- maine kaha
“theek hai jatin, jaisa tum theek samjho, apna khyaal rakhna aur phir se kahin gaayab mat ho jaana” —- ritu ne kaha
maine ritu se mobile number ley liya.
ritu good night kah kar ghar mein chali gayi. main ushe jaate huve dekhta raha.
ghar mein jaate hi vo khidki mein aa gayi. maine ushe bye kiya aur chal pada.
Jaate huve mein baar baar khidki ki aur dekh raha tha. ritu ke chehre par bahut pyare bhaav the. Mujhe hamaare beech ek pyara sa rista banta nazar aa raha tha.

[hirarandi]

Pune se chalte vakt madan ne mujhe apne ek friend, dinesh ka number diya tha. ush din main dinesh se phone par baat karke ushke ghar ki location puch kar ushke ghar chala gaya.
3-4 din main ritu se nahi mil paaya. mujhe chinta ho rahi thi ki pehle kuch kaam to mil jaaye yaha mumbai mein. Aise khaali peeli shaadi ka kya faayda. Pune mein call center ka experience ho gaya tha. dinesh ne mujhe kuch call centers ke naam bataaye aur maine ek jagah jaa kar join kar liya. call center colaba ke nazdeek hi tha.
phir maine shaadi ke baare mein sochna shuru kiya.
28 june ke baad, Ek baar bhi ritu se milne nahi ja saka. Main sab kuch final karke hi ritu se milna chaahta tha.
Maine ek pandit se shaadi ki date nikalwaayi. 12 July ko subh mahurat baith raha tha.
Maine ushi mandir mein shaadi ka intezaam kiya jahaan ritu aksar jaaya karti thi. pujaari ko mushkil se paise de kar pataaya ki chinta ki koyi baat nahi hai, shaadi mandir mein karne ki iccha hai ishliye kar rahe hain. Ghar walo ka koyi virodh nahi hai.
5 july ko main shaam ko ritu se milne gaya.
Maine ritu ke ghar ki bell bajaayi
Ritu ne darvaaja khola aur ek pyari si hansi se mera swaagat kiya aur boli, “to mil gaya janaab ko mere liye vakt, the kahaan aap itne dino se?”
Maine kaha, “chalo gate way of India par ghumte huve baat karenge, bahut jaroori baat karni hai tum se”
“Tumne kya ish ghar mein na aane ki kasam kha rakhi hai, tumhaari patni hun main koyi gair nahin hun, tum ush khun ka matlab nahi jaante shaayad par mujhe pata hai. aao na main coffee bana rahi thi. aao dono saath saath peeyenge” —- ritu ne kaha
ritu ne itne pyar se bulaaya ki main khud ko rok nahi paaya aur ghar ke ander aa gaya
maine charo aur dekh kar kaha, “bahut pyara ghar hai tumhaara ritu”
“tumhaara nahi hamaara jatin, ye hamaara ghar hai” — ritu ne kitchen ki aur jaate huve kaha
“tum baitho main coffee ley kar aa rahin hun” — ritu ne kitchen ke ander se awaaj lagaayi
main kursi par baith gaya.
Ritu coffee ley kar aayi. Ushke chehre par ajeeb si chamak thi.
Maine pucha, “ kya baat hai, itni khus kyon ho”
“Aaj tum pehli baar ghar jo aaye ho, bahut khus hun” —- ritu ne kaha
“ritu hum 12 july ko shaadi kar rahein hain” — maine kaha
“kya itni jaldi, kaise manage hoga sab kuch” — ritu ne hairaan ho kar pucha
“arey hum mandir mein shaadi kar rahein hain, ishmein kya manage karna hai. jahaan tum har Sunday jaati ho na vahin shaadi karenge, maine saara intezaam kar liya hai. aur haan maine ek call center join kar liya hai. ab main pati ban-ne ke liye taiyaar hun” —– maine kaha
“maine to abhi tak ghar par bhi baat nahin ki ish baare mein, samajh nahi aa raha ki kaise baat karun main” — ritu ne kaha
“kar lo ritu, ek baar unhe bata do, phir dekhte hain ki kya hota hai, aur haan mein nikalta hun, mujhe call center jaana hai” —- maine kaha
“kya aaj tumhaari chuti nahi hai jatin” —- ritu ne pucha
“chuti thi par koyi emergency aa gayi hogi mujhe abhi thodi der pehle phone karke bulaaya hai. aur haan apne ghar baat kar lo. Jishe invite karna hai kar lo hum har haal mein 12 ko shaadi kar rahein hain.. ok… bye” —- maine kaha aur chal pada
“tum kahaan ruke ho jatin” — ritu ne pucha
maine kaha, “ek dost ke yaha ruka hun, tum chinta mat karo..bye”
“tum ab yahin aa jao, kyon yaha vaha rah rahe ho” — ritu ne kaha
“ritu 12 ke baad yahin tumhaare saath hi rahunga, main bhi tumse dur nahin rahna chaahta, tabhi to itni jaldi ki date nikalwaayi hai shaadi ki maine” — maine kaha
“ok ji, jaisa aapko sahi lage, bye apna khyaal rakhna” — ritu ne kaha
maine peeche mud kar dekha, ritu ki aankho mein bahut jyada pyar tha. main vaha se jaana nahi chaahta tha par phir bhi mujhe jaana pada.
Aur phir vo din aa gaya jish din hamaari shaadi huyi.
12 july ko shaadi ka shaam 6 baje ka muhurat tha.
main taiyaar ho kar 5 baje hi ritu ke ghar pahunch gaya.

[hirarandi]

Maine bell bajaayi
Darvaaja khula to vaha kishi dushri aurat ko pa kar main chonk gaya. Baad mein pata chala ki vo dipti thi
“Aao jeeja ji, aapka swaagat hai, ritu taiyar ho rahi hai, aao baitho” —- dipti ne kaha
main ander aa gaya.
Ander ghuste hi ek 31-32 saal ke aadmi ne mujh se haath milaaya aur bola, “welcome dear, to aaj aap se mulaakat ho hi gayi”
Baad mein pata chala ki vo manish tha
Main manish aur dipti ko jaanta nahi tha ishliye un se jyada baat nahi ki aur chupchaap ek taraf baith gaya.
Koyi 15 minut baad dipti ne mujhe kaha, “jeeja ji aap ander jao, ritu aapko bula rahi hai”
Main khada huva aur ritu ke bedroom mein ghuss gaya
Ander jo dekha vo unbelievable tha.
Ritu laal saree mein leepti mere saamne khadi thi. bahut jyada pyari lag rahi thi. man kar raha tha ki ushe baahon mein bhar lun
“Dekh kya rahe ho, bataao kaisi lag rahin hun” — ritu ne pucha
“bahut pyari lag rahi ho jaan bas pucho mat” — maine ritu ki aur badhte huve kaha
“mujhe chuna mat….” —- ritu ne kaha
maine ritu ko beech mein hi tok diya aur bola,“haan haan mujhe yaad hai tum mujhe pyar karti ho to ishka matlab ye nahi hai ki main tumhaare sharir se khelunga. Ye mujhe rat gaya hai. main to bas tumhe nazdeek se dekhna chaah raha tha”
“ye saree kaisi lag rahi hai” — ritu ne pucha
“achi lag rahi hai, balki bahut achi lag rahi hai” — maine kaha
“arey ye tumhaari laayi huyi saree hai, pehchaan kyon nahi rahe ho tum” — ritu ne thoda gusse mein kaha
“ohh haan ritu mujhe lag to raha tha par samajh nahi aa raha tha ki ye tumhaare paas kaise aayi, mujhe laga tum bhi vaisi hi saree ley aayi ho” —- maine kaha
“maine tumhaari taxi ka sheesa tod kar nikaal li thi. acha huva time se nikaal li. Baad mein to vo taxi yaha se gaayab hi ho gayi” — ritu ne kaha
“acha kiya ritu, aaj tumne dil ko ek aur khusi de di. Meri laayi huyi saree tumne pahan li aur mujhe kya chaahiye. mujhe to lagta tha ki ye sasti saree hai” — maine kaha
“sasti saree nahi hai ye, bahut keemti hai mere liye. dil se laga kar rakha hai maine ishe. Aur dekho kitni pyari lag rahi hai mujh par. Lag rahin hun na tumhaari dulhan main” —- ritu ne kaha
ritu ki baat shun kar meri aankho mein aanshu bhar aaye. jab itna pyar miley to koyi bhi ro dega.
“Kya huva jatin, ye aankhe kyon bhar aayi hain tumhaari” — ritu ne pucha
“kuch nahi bas khusi ke aanshu hain, tum jaldi taiyaar ho kar baahar aa jao, hum mandir ke liye late ho rahe hain” —– maine kaha aur darvaaje ki aur mud gaya
“ruko to jatin,…….. I love you” —- ritu ne peeche se kaha
maine kaha, “I love you too ritu, jaldi karo hum late ho rahein hain”
“theek hai, bas 10 minut mein aa rahin hun” — ritu ne kaha
ritu ke ghar se koyi nahi aaya. Maine pune se madan ko bhi invite kar liya tha. vo seedha mandir pahunch gaya.
Bahut emotional pal tha vo mere liye jab main ritu ke saath 7 phere ley raha tha. ek ek kadam main bahut bhaavuk ho kar rakh raha tha. ritu khaamosi se chal rahi thi. upar se mandir ka maahol. Bahut peacefull environment mein hamaari shaadi ho rahi thi. bhagvaan ko ye shaadi manjoor thi tabhi bhagvaan ke mandir mein hi unhi ke saamne ye shaadi ho rahi thi.
Jaise hi pura process khatam huva, ritu ne meri aur dekha aur boli, “ab to rahoge na mere saath hamaare ghar mein”
Main bas mushkura diya aur aankhe jhapka kar haan ka ishaara kiya
Tabhi ritu ka mobile baj utha.
Ushne phone uthaaya aur maine dekha ki vo kishi gahri chinta mein kho gayi.
Maine pucha, “kya baat hai ritu”
“Papa tumse baat karna chaahte hain jatin, please chupchaap sab kuch shun lena vo bahut gusse mein hain” —- ritu ne kaha
“theek hai laao phone mujhe do” — maine kaha
maine phone kaan par laga kar hello bola hi tha ki udhar se gusse ki bochaar ho gayi, “meri baat kaan khol kar shun ladke, shaadi to tune ritu se kar li par main tujhe kuch nahi dunga. Ritu ko bhi apni jaaydaad se bedakhal karta hun. tu yaha mere ghar mein ghusne ki himmat mat karna. aur haan ritu ko kuch nukshaan pahunchaaya na to teri boti boti karke kutto ko khila dunga, neech kahin ka”
bas itna kah kar ritu ke papa ne phone kaat diya
“kya kah rahe the papa jatin” — ritu ne pucha
“kuch nahi aashirvaad de rahe the ki tum dono sada khus rahna” — maine kaha
“jhut bol rahe ho…. hain na, ye aashirvaad unhone mujhe bhi diya hai” —– ritu ne kaha
“ritu bado ke muh se nikla har bol aashirvaad hi hai, tum chinta mat karo vakt ke saath sab kuch theek ho jaayega. Jish bhagvaan ne ye rista banaaya hai, vahi bhagvaan ish riste ki laaz bhi rakhega. Chalo ab chalte hain” —- maine kaha
hum chale hi the ki sidharth vaha aa gaya
“congratulation to both of you. Mujhe lag hi raha tha ki tum dono ka gahra pyar hai. all the best. Ritu hamesha khus rahna” — sidharth ne kaha
maine dekha ki ritu ne sidharth se theek se baat nahi ki. kaaran aaj diary padh kar pata chala ki aisa kyon tha.
mandir ghar ke nazdeek hi tha par phir bhi maine ek car arrange kar rakhi thi ghar tak jaane ke liye.
hum dono sabhi ko bye karke car mein baith gaye. Dil mein ajeeb sa mitha mitha ahsaash ho raha tha. main apni dulhan ke saath baitha tha. ritu ne meri aur dekha aur maine ushki aur dekha. Hamnein aankho hi aankho mein apne pyar ka izhaar kiya. Par ritu ke chehre par ek dard bhari mushkaan thi
Koyi 5 minut mein hum ghar pahunch gaye.
Ghar aate hi ritu bedroom mein ghuss gayi aur bed par gir kar rone lagi.
Maine darvaaja khadkaaya to vo jhat se uth gayi aur apne aanshu puchne lagi
Main ushke karib aa gaya. Ritu ki aankhe laal ho rakhi thi
“Kya baat hai ritu, kya mujh se koyi galti huyi hai” — maine pucha
“nahi jatin tumhaari koyi galti nahi hai, papa ne mujhe pehli baar itni buri tarah se daanta hai. aisa lag raha tha ki vo mujhe galat samajh rahe hain. Unhe shaayad lagta hai ki maine ye shaadi apne jism ki aag bhujaane ke liye ki hai. unhone aisa kaha nahi par jaise vo mujhe daant rahe the ush se yahi lag raha tha. unhone ye tak kah diya ki chintoo ko ab bhool jao, main tum paapiyon ke paas ushe nahin bhejunga. Main apne bete se kaise dur rahungi jatin, pata nahi kya hoga. main bahut dukhi hun. I am very sorry jatin, main abhi tumse koyi baat nahi kar paaungi. Mera man tha ki hum mandir se aa kar dher saari baate karenge par mera dil abhi bahut bhaari ho raha hai. please mujhe galat mat samajhna. Main thodi der late rahin hun, tum bhi dushre kamre mein araam kar lo” —- ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar kaha
“theek hai ritu tum araam karo, meri chinta mat karo, main bhi araam kar leta hun” — maine kaha.
Koyi ek ghante baad ritu mere kamre mein aayi.
Main aankhe band karke bistar par leta huva tha.
“Sho rahe ho kya jatin” ritu ne pucha
main jhat se uth gaya aur uth kar baith gaya
meri dulhan aankho mein pyar lekar mere saamne khadi thi.
“nahi jaan bas aankhe band karke leta huva tha. kaisi ho tum” —- maine kaha
“tumhe bahut bura lag raha hoga ki maine tumhe yahaan dushre kamre mein leta diya. jatin mere dil ke zakham abhi hare hain. Mujhe thoda vakt do, main puri koshish karungi ki main ek achi patni ban paaun. Please mujhe galat mat samajhna. Main tumhe bahut pyar karti hun. tum chaaho to mere paas aa jaana, tumhe rokungi nahin. Par mujhe thoda vakt chaahiye ish nayi jeendagi mein adjust hone ke liye. sab kuch itni jaldi ho gaya hai ki main hairaan hun. please mujhe samajhne ki koshish karna” ——- ritu ne emotinal ho kar kaha
“main samajh sakta hun jaan, mere kaaran hi to tumhe zakham mile hain. Tum chinta mat karo. Hum pyar se ek saath rahenge. Rahi baat tumhaare paas aane ki to mujhe koyi jaldi nahi hai. tum ab meri patni ho. Puri jeendagi padi hai paas aane ke liye. tum ab sho jao, tumhaari aankhe laal ho rahi hain” —- maine kaha...

[hirarandi]

Aur ish tarah se hamaari shaadi shuda jeendagi ki shuruvaat huyi. Aaj lagbhag ek mahina ho gaya shaadi ko. Hum hanste boltey hain. Ache dost ki tarah ek chhat ke neeche rahte hain. Baith kar ganto baate karte rahte hain. Jab ritu bolti hai to main pyar se ushke chehre ko dekhte huve ushki baat shunta hun. jeendagi bahut pyari aur hasin ban gayi hai. haan ye aur bhi jyada hasin ho sakti hai agar hum dono ek normal husband wife ki tarah rah paayein to. Par mujhe ish baat ka koyi gam nahin hai.
Ritu mera pura dhyaan rakhti hai. ushe bhi apne office jaana hota hai par phir bhi ushe pehle mujhe breakfast dene ki chinta rahti hai. kabhi kabhi khud breakfast karne ka time ushke paas nahi hota par mujhe kheela kar hi office jaati hai. ushki mere prati dedication dekh kar aankhe bhar aati hain.
Kabhi shaam ko vakt hota hai to hum dono gate way of India par ghum aate hai aur khub masti karte hain. Ice-cream khaate khaate hum dur tak nikal jaate hain
Hamaari jeendagi mein sex nahi hai par pyar chaaro aur beekhra pada hai. hum dono apni pyar se bhari duniya mein bahut khus hain.
Aaj ye diary padhi to ye ahsaash aur gahra ho gaya ki kitna bada paap kiya tha maine. Ek maasum se phool ko maine badi berahmi se kuchla tha. sukar hai vo phool aaj meri jeendagi mein hai aur mere paas moka hai ushe phir se kheelne dene ka. Main apni puri koshish karunga ki ab mere kaaran ritu ko koyi bhi dukh ya takleef na ho. Jish pyar se vo mera dhyaan rakhti hai utne hi pyar se main bhi ushka dhyaan rakhunga.
Aaj ye baat samajh mein aa rahi hai ki kyon ritu mujhe ushke sharir ko chune se mana karti hai. jitna julm ushne saha hai, ushki jagah koyi aur hota to mar jaata. Dukh bas ish baat ka hai ki ye sab mere kaaran huva. Man kar raha hai ki ritu ke kadmo mein gir jaaun aur ush se phir ek baar maafi maangu. Par vo uth jaayegi aur mujhe yaha apne paas dekh kar pareshaan hogi. kuch kahegi nahi mujhe, haan man hi man udaas jaroor ho jaayegi aur mujh se sorry feel karegi ki vo mujh se dur dur rahti hai.
Kal ritu ne mujh se bade pyar se pucha tha
“Jatin tum mujh se naraaj honge na”
maine kaha, “kyon aisa kyon kah rahi ho tum ritu”
ritu ki aankhe bhar aayi aur vo rote huve boli, “main tumhaari patni hun aur jab se shaadi huyi hai main roj tum se alag sho rahin hun, main kya karun jatin mujhe kuch samajh nahi aata. Jab bhi tumhe apne paas bulaane ka sochti hun to vahi sab purani baate man mein ghumne lagti hain. Ek andhera maano mujhe gher leta hai. Main tumhaari jeendagi barbaad kar rahin hun.. hai na”
“nahi ritu aisa kyon kah rahi ho, jeendagi to maine tumhaari barbaad ki thi. tumne to mujhe apna kar meri jeendagi par ek ahsaan kiya hai. mujhe jeendagi bhar tumhaare sharir ko chune ka moka na bhi mile mujhe koyi gam nahi hoga. Mujhe aaj bas ye khusi hai ki main tumhaara pati ban ke tumhaare saath hun. mujhe tumse kuch aur nahi chaahiye jaan, tum mujhe itna pyar de rahi ho vo kya kam hai. sex ke liye ye shaadi nahi ki thi maine, pyar ke liye ki thi. hum bas araam se apni ish shaadi shuda jeendagi mein aage badhte hain, jo bhi hoga acha hoga. I love you” —- maine ritu ko samjhaate huve kaha
“lekin phir bhi jatin main bahut dukhi hun ki ek patni ke roop mein main fail ho rahin hun, aisa nahi hai ki main koshish nahi kar rahi hun. bahut koshish kar rahi hun. par meri aatma tak andhera bhara hai. aaj tumhaare liye dil mein nafrat nahi hai phir bhi mera ye sharir ush sab ke liye taiyaar nahi hai jishke liye ek patni ko hona chaahiye. upar se mere papa ki daant ne mujhe aur jyada ashaaye bana diya hai” — ritu ne kaha
“to zemmedaar kaun hai ish sab ke liye. main hi to zemmedaar hun na, main tumhaari haalat nahi samjhunga to aur kaun samjhega. Tum jabardasti kuch koshish mat karo. Hamaari kishmat mein ek hasin husband wife ka rista raha to vo jaroor aayega. ye pyar sex se kahin jyada kimti hai jaan, kishi baat ki chinta mat karo aur sho jao” —- maine kaha
ish tarah badi mushkil se kal maine ritu ko samjha bujha kar shulaaya tha.

[hirarandi]

ritu mere saamne padi hai aur main ushke saamne baitha huva ye diary leekh raha hun. par ab tak maine ya to ushke chehre ko dekha hai ya phir ushke kadmo ko. Ushke sharir ka koyi aur ang mujhe jaise deekhaayi nahi de raha hai. ish pyar ne mere ander ki havash ko khatam karke rakh diya hai. main bas ritu ko ek baar gale laga kar pyar se kahna chaahta hun, “ritu maine tumhaare har dukh ko mahsush kiya hai. tumhaare sabhi dukho ke liye main zemmedaar hun. mujhe jo saja deni ho de do par ish dukh ko jald se jald bhula do. Hasin pyar ki ek hasin jeendagi hamaara intezaar kar rahi hai. maine hi tumhe ye dukh diye hain ab main hi tumhe ek hasin safar par ley jaana chaahta hun. please mere saath chalo”
Date : 22-08-09
Kal jo huva ushki mahak abhi tak feeza mein faili huyi hai. charo aur rang beerange phool khil aaye hain. Meri aur ritu ki jeendagi ko jaise pankh lag gayein hain. Hum dono bahut unche ud rahein hain. Abhi tak kal ka ahsaash baaki hai. bahut dardnaak vakt tha kal hum dono ke liye par ushke ahsaash bahut pyare the.
Kal main apna mobile ghar hi bhool gaya. Shaam ko call center mein kaafi busy tha. main koyi 12 baje free huva. Mein ritu ko inform bhi nahi kar paaya ki aane mein thodi der ho jaayegi.
Maine raat ke 12 baje ghar ki bell bajaayi
Ritu ne darvaaja khola. Ushke chehre par chinta aur pareshaani saaf deekhaayi de rahi thi.
Maine darvaaja band kiya aur pucha, “kaisi ho jaan”
Ritu mere gale lag gayi aur rote huve boli, “kahan rah gaye the tum, mujhe bahut chinta ho rahi thi, phone bhi nahi kiya tumne”
“ritu tum mere gale lag kar khadi huyi ho. Tumhe pyar karne ka ye matlab nahin hai ki tum mere sharir se khelogi, chalo hato” —- maine hanste huve kaha
ritu hat gayi aur boli, “sorry galti ho gayi, par tum kya ek phone nahi kar sakte the, mujhe apni jaan kahte ho par tumhe meri koyi chinta nahi hai”
“sorry jaan bahut busy tha, dhyaan hi nahi raha ki kab 12 baj gaye, please mujhe maaf kar do” —- maine ritu ke kandhe ki aur haath badha kar kaha
par vo peeche hat gayi aur boli, “chalo haath dho lo main khaana lagaati hun”
ritu kitchen mein chali gayi. bahut naraaj lag rahi thi. jab aapka pyar naraaj ho to kuch acha nahi lagta. Maine pehli baar ushe aise naraaj hote huve dekha tha.
ritu kitchen mein mere liye khaana garam kar rahi thi.
mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha tha ki kaise manaaun main ritu ko. Mein kitchen ke door mein khada khada ritu ko dekhta raha. ushke najdeek jaane ki himmat nahi ho rahi thi
par phir bhi mujh se raha nahi gaya aur maine ritu ko peeche se baahon mein bhar liya aur kaha, “sorry jaan aage se aisa nahi hoga. Aage se kabhi late huva to turant tumhe phone karke bataaunga, please mujhe maaf kar do”
“tumhaari marji hai jatin, mujhe to bas tumhaari chinta ho rahi thi. bure bure khyaal aa rahe the ki pata nahin tum kahan rah gaye” —- ritu ne kaha
ajeeb baat thi ritu ne mujhe hatne ko nahi kaha. Maine phir meri jaan ko bahut ache se apni baahon mein daboch liya
maine kaha, “ritu main tumhe baahon mein bhar kar khada hun, tum mujhe daant kar hata kyon nahi rahi ho, mujhe daant kar vahi dialogue bolo na sharir se khelne wala…. please”
“tum mere pati ho, ab kya ye bhi bataana padega tumhe, main chaahe chaahun ya na chaahun tum mere saath kuch bhi kar sakte ho, tumhaara mujh par pura adhikaar hai” — ritu ne kaha
main turant hat gaya aur bola, “tumhaari marji ke bina main kabhi kuch nahi karunga jaan, apne pyar ko main kabhi dukh nahi dunga”
ritu ghum kar mere gale lag gayi aur boli, “jatin I love you…. mujhe aise mat sataaya karo. Pata hai dil bahut bhaari ho raha tha. ek phone bhi nahi kar sake tum. Itna busy koyi nahi hota, main 6 baje se aankhe beechaaye baithi hun. ek ek minut bahut mushkil se beeta hai mera”
shaadi ke baad pehli baar hum aise gale lag kar khade the. Vakt maano tahar gaya tha. mujhe bahut acha lag raha tha khud ko ritu ke itne karib paa kar. Mujhe ye ahsaash ho raha tha ki shaayad ritu ab ush safar par chalne ke liye taiyaar hai jo ki ek pati, patni ka hota hai.
maine ritu ke chehre ko apne haatho mein thaam liya
ushne apni aankhe band kar li.
Maine aage badh kar ritu ke honto par apne hont tika diye.
aur phir mere aur ritu ke honto ke beech vo kiss huyi jishki maine sapne mein bhi kalpana nahi ki thi.
hamaare hont kya jude, aisa lag raha tha jaise ki hum dono ki aatma jud gayi ho aur jud kar ek ho gayi ho. Bahut pyara ahsaash ho raha tha mujhe ritu ko kiss karte huve. Jish tarah main ritu ke honto ko apne honto mein dabaata tha ushi tarah ritu bhi mere honto ko apne honto mein dabaane ki koshish karti thi. mere honto ki har ek movement ka jawaab ritu apne honto ki similar movement se de rahi thi. Koyi 15 minut hum yu hi kitchen mein khade khade ek dushre ko betahaasa kiss karte rahe. Hamaari saanse bhi tej tej chalne lagi thi.
Aisi kiss ke baad mujhe bilkul vishwaas ho gaya ki ek aadmi aur aurat ke beech kiss pyar ka izhaar karne ka sabse pyara tareeka hai. ek dushre ko kiss karte karte main aur ritu pyar ki ush gahraayi tak pahunch gaye jishki hamne kalpana bhi nahi ki thi.
Jish tarah hum ek dushre ko kiss kar rahe the, ush se aisa lag raha tha ki hum ek dushre ke liye janmo se pyase hain.
Ritu achaanak hat gayi aur boli, “chalo khaana kha lo, tumhe bhook lagi hogi”
“Nahin aaj bhook nahin hai” — maine kaha aur kah kar phir se ritu ke honto ko apne honto mein daba liya.
hum phir se ush pyari si kiss mein kho gaye. Mere liye khud ko sambhaalna mushkil ho raha tha.
maine ritu ko apni godi mein utha liya aur ushke bedroom ki taraf chal pada
“jatin ye kya kar rahe ho, khaana thanda ho raha hai” — ritu ne kaha
“ho jaane do thanda, aaj hamaari suhaagraat hai jaan, bhul jao sab kuch aur ish pal mein kho jao” —- maine kaha
ritu ne aankhe band kar li
maine ritu ko bedroom mein la kar pyar se bed par leta diya.
maine ushke chehre par sikan dekhi. Shaayad vo phir se kuch bura mahsush kar rahi thi.
mujh se dekha nahi gaya aur maine kaha, “chalo ritu khaana khaate hain”
“nahin jatin please mujhe chhod kar mat jao, mujhe baahon mein bhar lo please” —- ritu ne rote huve kaha.
Main bahut bhaavuk ho gaya aur ushe apni baahon mein bhar liya.
“Kya baat hai jaan ro kyon rahi ho main tumhaare paas hi to hun” —- maine kaha
“Jatin jab bhagvaan ko hamaare dil mein ye pyar ka phool hi khilaana tha to hamein itne lambe raste se kyon ghumaaya ki hum ghum ghum kar thak jaayein, aur ish pyar ke phool ki khusbu tak ko mahsush na kar paayein” —- ritu ne pucha
“pata nahi ritu, hum dono ish vishaal duniya ke aage bahut chhote hain. Hamein bas itna pata hai ki hamein pyar hai. puri kahaani to bas bhagvaan hi jaante hain. Kya pata hamaara janmo ka rista ho. Ish janam mein galti se tum sanjay ki patni ban gayi aur phir bhagvaan ne ish galti ko sudhaar diya. kuch bhi ho sakta hai jaan. Ye duniya bahut anokhi hai aur rahashyon se bhari hai. hum jaante hi kitna hain ish duniya ko” — maine kaha
itne pyar mein jab pati patni ek dushre ke gale lage hon to unke beech ek khubsurat sex ki sambhaavna ban jaati hai. aisa hi kuch mere aur ritu ke beech ho raha tha.
pati hone ke naate mujhe ek koshish karne ki jaroorat thi. par mujhe bas ritu ka dar tha. main ushe koyi dukh nahi dena chaahta tha. vo bahut emotional ho kar mujh se leepti huyi thi. main ush ke itne karib hone ke kaaran bahakta ja raha tha.

[hirarandi]

aur phir bina soche samjhe maine ek koshish ki. vaise bhi pyar soch samajh kar nahi hota.
maine ritu ke ubhaaro ko thaam liya aur unhe pyar se dabaate huve kaha, “jaan tumhe pyar kar raha hun, jab bhi kuch bura lage to mujhe rok dena, main turant ruk jaaunga”
ritu ne kuch nahi kaha aur apni aankhe band kar li
thodi der tak main ritu ke ubhaaro ko pyar se masalta raha
maine ritu ke chehre ko dhyaan se dekha to paaya ki vo shaanti se aankhe band karke ush pal mein khone ki koshish kar rahi hai. vo koshish hi kar rahi thi kyonki kabhi ushke chehre par sikan hoti thi aur kabhi shaanti. Vo kishi kasam-kash mein deekh rahi thi.
maine bahut pyar se dheere se ritu ki kameez ko upar sarka kar ushke ubhaaro ko thaam liya.
ritu ne bra nahi pahni thi. shaayad raat ko shote vakt vo nahi pahanti hogi. mujhe apni patni ke baare mein pata hi kitna hai.
maine ritu ke ek nipple ko muh mein ley liya aur pyar se choosne laga.
maine nazre utha kar ritu ke chehre ko dekha. Kuch clear nahi ho raha tha ki ushe kaisa lag raha hai.
maine pucha, “ jaan kya main hat jaaun”
“nahin jatin aaj mujhe ye sab face karna hi hoga, varna mai kabhi nahi kar paaungi. Main tumhaari patni hun. tum meri parvaah kiye bina jo man mein aaye karo” — ritu ne kaha
“ye kya kah rahi ho jaan, aisa nahi kar sakta main jaan, chalo kishi aur din try karenge” —- maine kaha
“tum jab mere ubhaaro ko chum rahe the to tumhaare man mein kya tha jatin, havash ya pyar” —– ritu ne pucha
“pyar tha jaan, havash ko to main kab ka tyag chuka hun” —- maine kaha
“to phir ye pyar jaari rakho jatin, tumhaara pyar hi mere un ghaavo ko bhar sakta hai jo tumhaari havash ne kabhi mere sharir ko diye the. Aaj mujhe tumhaari patni hone ka vo ahsaash de do jo har patni ka sapna hota hai. mujhe pyar karo jatin….bas pyar karo” —- ritu ne kaha
maine ritu ke dushre nipple ko honto mein daba liya aur ushe betahasa choosne laga.
par phir bhi ritu ke chehre ke bhaav yahi jatla rahe the ki vo kishi conflict mein hai
maine ritu ki kameez utaar kar ek taraf rakh di aur ushke dono ubhaaro ko thaam kar pyar se masalne laga.
par ritu jaise ek laash ki tarah mere neeche padi thi. ye soch kar meri aankhe bhar aayi ki hey bhagvaan kya haal kar diya hai maine apni jaan ka. mujh se ye sab dekha nahi gaya aur maine ritu ke kadmo ko thaam kar kaha, “jaan mujhe maaf kar do, mujhe tumse kuch nahi chaahiye”
maine ritu ko dekha to vo bhi ro rahi thi.
main uth kar ushke chehre ke paas aaya aur ushke aanshu punch kar bola, “koyi jaroorat nahi hai ye sab karne ki hamein jaan, hamaara pyar kaafi hai hum dono ke liye”
“I am sorry jatin, main ish liye kah rahi thi ki mujhe ek moka do, main ek jeenda laash ban chuki hun” —- ritu ne rote huve kaha
“bas jaan please… aisi baate mat karo varna main mar jaaunga. Tumhaari ish haalat ke liye main hi zemmedar hun” —- maine kaha
“nahin jatin, tum hi nahi, main khud bhi zemmedar hun. pehle to jo huva so huva, par mera jo ** karne ki koshis ki gayi aur mujhe jish tarah baar baar jalil kiya gaya ushne to mujhe pura khatam kar diya hai. I am very sorry jatin tumhe pyar to karti hun par tumhe kuch dene ke liye mere paas nahi hai,varna to jish din shaadi huyi thi ushi raat khud ko tumhaare kadmo mein beecha deti main. Ishliye tumhe kahti thi ki mujhe moka dena, mein patni ka farz nibhaane ki koshish karungi.” — ritu ne rote huve kaha
“bas ritu, please meri jaan logi kya ab” —- maine kaha
main ritu ke saath bed par late gaya aur ushe baahon mein bhar liya. bahut der tak hum chupchaap pade rahe aur kuch nahi bole. Kab hamein neend aa gayi pata hi nahi chala. Jab meri aankh khuli to paaya ki subah ke 4 baj rahein hain. Kamre ki light jali huyi thi. Ritu mere saath hi paanv sikod kar lati huyi thi. bahut pyara ahsaash tha vo mere liye. hum shaadi ke baad pehli baar ek saath sho rahe the aur hamein ye pata bhi nahi tha.
ritu ka muh meri taraf hi tha. vo sirf salwaar mein thi. ushke ubhaar meri aankho ke biklul saamne the. Vo bilkul ek maasum bache ki tarah sho rahi thi.
maine ritu ko baahon mein bhar liya aur vo hadbada kar uth gayi.
“ohh…. tumne mujhe dara diya” — ritu ne kaha
“tum bahut pyar se sho rahi thi, raha nahi gaya aur tumhe baahon mein bhar liya, I love you jaan” —– maine kaha
“I love you too jatin, kya time huva hai” —- ritu ne pucha
“pure 4 baje hain jaan, kab neend aa gayi pata hi nahi chala. Hum ek saath sho rahe the aur hamein ish baat ka ahsaash bhi nahi tha. tumhe kaisa lag raha hai jaan” —- maine pucha
“acha lag raha hai jatin, vo kaun si patni hogi jo apne pati ke saath sho kar khud ko khusnasib nahi samjhegi” —- ritu ne kaha
aur hum phir se gale lag kar sho gaye.

[hirarandi]

Date : 23-08-09
6:00 pm
kal ka pura din hamaare pyar ki khusbu se mahkta raha. 21 ki raat ko mere aur ritu ke beech sex nahi huva par sex se badh kar hamaare beech itna pyar huva ki ushki mahak hamaare saath jeendagi bhar rahegi.
Kal subah jab mein utha to ritu bed par nahi thi.
Main foran uth kar baahar aa gaya. Maine dekha ki vo naha dho kar apne chote se mandir mein puja kar rahi thi. main bhi ushke saath ja kar aankh meech kar khada ho gaya.
“Arey tum kab uthe” — ritu ne pucha
maine kaha, “abhi abhi uth kar aaya hun”
ritu ne achaanak neeche jhuk kar mere paanv cho liye
maine kaha, “arey ye kya kar rahi ho tum”
“kuch nahi ye to ek patni ka dharam hai” —- ritu ne kaha
maine ushe baahon mein bhar liya aur kaha, “tumhe pa kar mujhe sab kuch mil gaya jaan mujhe aur kuch nahi chaahiye. I love you”
“main khud ko tumhaare kadmo mein beecha dungi jatin, bas thoda sa vakt aur do mujhe. Main puri koshish kar rahin hun. chalo ab fresh ho jao, main breakfast banaati hun” —– ritu ne kaha
office mein bhi hum ek dushre se phone par baat karte rahe.aisa lag raha tha jaise ki naya naya pyar huva hai hum dono ko. Aur ye tha bhi sach. Jaisa pyar hum ab dekh rahe the vo bilkul naya tha. ye pyar ek pati patni ka tha. office mein kayi baar meri aankhe tak bhar aayi ritu ko soch kar
ritu ne pucha, “aaj shaam ko kya khaana pasand karoge”
maine kaha, “kal raat hamne kya khaaya tha”
“raat to hum dono bhooke sho gaye the” —- ritu ne kaha
“bhooke nahi shoye the, hamne pet bhar ke pyar khaaya tha, aaj shaam ko bhi vahi khaaunga theek hai… tiayaar rahna meri baahon mein aane ke liye” —- maine kaha
“tum paagal ho gaye ho jatin” —- ritu ne kaha
“bilkul ho gaya hun paagal, jishki tumhaare jaisi patni ho vo khusi se paagal ho jaayega” —- maine kaha
“bas maska mat lagaao, main ab phone kaat rahin hun, important meeting mein jaana hai… bye shaam ko miltey hai” —- ritu ne kaha aur phone kaat diya
main ritu se pehle ghar pahunch gaya
Maine pure ghar ko saja diya. ritu ke bedroom ko jahaan hum dono peechli raat shoye the maine phoolo se saja diya. ush bed ko phoolo se dhak diya jahaan hmaara peechli raat pyar mahka tha.
Ritu jab ghar aayi to hiaraan rah gayi
“Arey tum aaj mujh se pehle aa gaye aur ye kya kar rakha hai, my god kitna pyara sajaaya hai ghar ko, kya koyi party karne wale ho aaj” —- ritu ne hairaani mein kaha
“haan aaj hum apne pyar ko celebrate karenge, pyar ki hi baat karenge, pyar ko hi khaayenge aur pyar ko hi peeyenge. Ish party mein humaare shiva aur koyi nahi aayega” —- maine kaha
“tum sach mein paagal ho gaye ho jatin” —- ritu ne hanste huve kaha
“to kya huva ish paagal ko tum pyar to karti ho na” —- maine kaha
ritu mere gale lag gayi aur boli, “I love you jatin”
maine ritu ko godi mein utha liya aur bedroom mein ley aaya.
Bedroom ko dekh kar vo boli, “wow, ye phoolo ki barsaat kishne kar di”
Maine kaha, “madam mere alaawa yaha koyi aur bhi hai kya ?, itni mehnat se sajaaya hai maine aur tum kah rahi ho kishne kar di”
“Sorry jatin majaak kar rahi thi, mujhe pata hai, ye paagal pan tum hi kar sakte ho” — ritu ne kaha
maine kaha, “jaan kal ke pyar ki mahak aaj mujhe har taraf mahsush ho rahi thi. kal raat tumhaare itne karib tha main, mujhe vishwaas hi nahi ho raha. apne dil ki feelings deekhane ke liye maine ye room phoolo se saja diya hai. phoolo ki jo mahak ish kamre mein hai, vaisi hi mahak mere dil mein hai”
“tum deewane ho gaye ho jatin, ab mujhe yu hi uthaaye rakhoge ya phir neeche bhi utaaroge” —- ritu ne hanste huve kaha
maine ritu ko pyar se phoolo ki sez par leta diya aur khud bhi ushke saath late gaya
maine pucha, “ab hum saath saath shoyenge na jaan”
“hmm… tumse pyar karne ka ye matlab nahi hai ki tum mere sharir se kheloge” — ritu ne hanste huve kaha kaha
“jaan sach kah raha hun kal bahut acha laga mujhe. Tumhaare karib hone ka bahut pyara ahsaash tha mere liye” —- maine kaha
“mujhe bhi acha laga jatin, main aaj pura din office mein tumhe sochti rahi. mera sharir mere bas mein nahi hai, par mera pyar tumhaare kadmo mein har pal haazir hai” — ritu ne kaha
“jaan ek baat kahun” — maine pucha
“haan kaho” —- ritu ne jawaab diya
“hamaara ek pyara sa rista ban gaya hai. ish riste ka aadhaar pyar hai, hum pyar mein khoye rahte hain jo hoga acha hoga. Tum kishi baat ki chinta mat karo” — maine kaha
“haan jatin mujhe pata hai, mujhe bas ye dukh rahta hai ki main tumhe ek patni ka sukh nahi de pa rahi” —— ritu ne kaha
“kaun kahta hai tum patni ka sukh nahi de rahi ho. Mera itna khyaal rakhti ho. Acha acha khaana khilaati ho. Aur kal mujhe itni pyari kiss di thi. abhi tak mere hont fadak rahein hain” —– maine kaha
“vo sirf kiss nahi thi jatin, vo mera pyar tha, kaash tumhe ye sharir bhi de paati, par ye mere bas mein nahi hai” —- ritu ne bhaavuk ho kar kaha
“pata hai jaan, vo tumhaara pyar tha, varna to tum mere nazdeek kahaan aati ho… tumhaara pyar mujhe meri aatma tak mahsush huva tha. aisa lag raha tha ki hum ek ho gaye hain” —- maine kaha
hum ek dushre ki aankho mein bade pyar se dekh rahe the. Dekhte dekhte kab hamaare hont mil gaye pata hi nahi chala.
Bahut der tak hum kiss karte rahe
Achaanak mujhe ritu ki diary mein leekhi baate yaad aa gayi aur mere honto ki movement ruk gayi
Ritu ko shaayad kuch mahsush huva aur ushne mere honto se apne hont hata kar pucha, “Kya huva jatin”
“ek baat soch raha tha jaan” —- maine kaha
“bolo kya baat hai, jatin” —- ritu ne pucha
maine ritu ke chehre par pyar se haath rakha aur kaha, “ jaan maine tumhaari diary padh li hai”
“kya ?? tumne diary padh li, bura laga hoga na tumhe ? maine to ush mein tumhe khub bura bhala kah rakha hai” —- ritu ne kaha
“kuch bura nahi laga jaan, main pehle ushi laayak tha. bura laga to bas ye ki mere kaaran tumhe kitna kuch sahna pada. Mujhe aisa lagta hai ki
tum khud ko ush paap ke liye maaf nahi kar pa rahi ho jo ki maine tum par thopa tha” — maine kaha
“main kya karun jatin, ab jab tum diary padh hi chuke ho to samajh sakte ho ki sex naam se mujhe kitni nafrat ho gayi hai, par mera yakin karo main ek achi patni ban-ne ki puri koshish kar rahin hun” — ritu ne kaha

[hirarandi]

“ritu vo sab to theek hai, par jab tak tum khud ko maaf nahi karogi, tab tak yu hi pareshaan rahogi. Apni galti ko maan-na alag baat hai par hum hamesha ush galti ko sar par dho kar nahi chal sakte. Aaj jeendagi ek khubsurat mod par hai. chaaro aur hamaare pyar ki mahak faili huyi hai. sab kuch bhula kar ish pyar ki mahak mein kho jao. Shaanti se apne chaaro aur dekho ek hasin jeendagi hamaara intezaar kar rahi hai” —- maine kaha
“main samajh rahin hun jatin. Jab se tumse shaadi huyi hai, maine khud ish pyar ki mahak ko apne chaaro aur mahsush kiya hai. mera yakin karo main khud ko ish pyar par luta dena chaahti hun. kal jab tum mujhe godi mein utha kar bade pyar se yaha bedroom mein laaye the to main man hi man khud ko tumhaare liye taiyaar kar rahi thi. main soch rahi thi ki tumhaare kadmo mein aaj apna pyar beecha dungi. par na jaane kyon ushi vakt papa ki kahi baate jo unhone shaadi vale din phone par kahi thi mere kaano mein gunjne lagi. yaad hai na tumhe ki vo kah rahe the ki vo chintoo ko hum paapiyon ke paas nahi bhejenge. Ishliye mera sharir jakad gaya aur main zeenda laash ban kar rah gayi. jatin main tumhaari patni hone ke saath saath ek ma bhi hun. mujhe apne bete ki bahut yaad aati hai.” —— ritu ne bade hi bhaavuk andaaz mein kaha
maine aage badh kar ritu ke maathe ko chum liya aur kaha, “ohh jaan, mujhe bhi chintoo ki chinta hai. mujhe nahi pata tha ki tum ushe ley kar itna pareshaan hogi”
ritu rote huve mere gale lag gayi aur bhaari man se boli, “jatin, main roj papa ka phone try karti hun, par vo mera phone kaat dete hain. Mammi aur sonu bhi mujh se koyi baat nahi kar rahe. samajh nahi aata ki main kya karun, kya nahin. Main kaise apne bete se milun”
“hmm….. aisa karte hain hum delhi chalte hain. Ushe khud yaha ley kar aayenge” ——- maine pyar se kaha
“nahin jatin apne ghar walo ka saamna karne ki himmat mujh mein nahi hai, vo mujhe bahut galat samajh rahein hain” —– ritu ne kaha
“jeendagi mein ish baat se farak nahi padta ki log aapko kya samajhte hain, farak padta hai to ish baat se ki aap khud ko kya samajhte hain. Ish pyar ki laaz rakho jaan aur sar uncha rakh kar aage badho. Tumhaara aisa behaviour ish pyar ka apmaan hai” —- maine kaha
“to tum hi bataao ki kya karun main” — ritu ne pucha
“jao aur apne bete ko apne saath ley aao” —- maine kaha
“kya tum mere saath chaloge” —– ritu ne pucha
“kyon nahi jaan, maine abhi kaha to tha ki, delhi chalte hain, chintoo ab mera beta hai. main abhi flight book kra kar aata hun ” —- maine kaha
“arey ruko mera credit card kab kaam aayega, yahi laptop se book kar lenge” —- ritu ne kaha
“nahin tum apna credit card apne paas rakho apna ghar main khud sambhaalunga, 10 minut lagenge abhi ticket ley kar aata hun” — maine kaha
“tum mera koyi kharcha nahi hone dete, mera paisa bhi to tumhaara hi hai” —- ritu ne kaha
“vo to theek hai jaan lekin main apne parivaar ki saari zimmedari khud uthaana chaahta hun” —- maine kaha
“theek hai main dinner taiyaar karti hun, jaldi aana, hum khaana kha kar dher shaari baate karenge” — ritu ne kaha
main ticket ley aaya. Subah 7:30 ki flight thi.
hum dono raat bhar baate karte rahe. Man mein yahi sawaal tha ki ritu ke ghar jab hum jaayenge to ushke parents kaise react karenge. Baate karte karte hum peechli raat ki tarah ek dushre ki baahon mein sho gaye.