29-06-2019, 11:58 AM
Same night I came out of my room to drink water. I saw that door of her room was open. A wind was blowing through the open window. I decided to close the door when I met a wonderful sight inside. In the light of night bulb I saw my mother sleeping. The 'Pallu' of her saree was dropped to a side and her blouse covered breasts and bare belly were visible for my eyes. I immediately thought that its wrong to look at her. I went near her to reset her pallu but then my lust took over. Looking at her bare belly made me touch her there. It was warm and going up and down slowly. She was sleeping deeply. Getting bolder I sat down near her and kissed lightly at her belly button. Finding no response from her I licked her there. It tasted salty and sweet at the same time. It was a mistake. It awoke her. "Raja" I heard her say and got up. "What are you doing here."
"Just re-setting the pallu which was blown by the wind."
I said and moved away. At that time she kept silent but next day at breakfast she looked at me with anger. When I tried to talk to her she was not very responsive.
"How is your constipation?"
"None of your business."
"What's the matter?" I asked thogh I knew the reason.
"You were always the good child, so it really shocked me to catch you like that,"
"What Amma....I told you...." I tried to repeat my point of view but she cut me half way.
"I am not a child Raja. You are crossing the line."
Realising my mistake I whimpered my apologies and begged forgiveness by saying:
-�Amma please don't hate me, I can't live if you hate me -�.
Amma looked at me and I saw the anger in her eyes. She walked towards me and touched my face, raising my face up with her right hand to look at her. "Raja, it's -- it -™s -- okay -- you and still my son --. I don't hate you." She paused and then said, "What's done is done. But it won't be repeated."
I reached out to her and put my hands on her shoulders. I looked straight into her eyes, waited while she looked away, then looked back. She looked sad. "I really am sorry, Amma,". My finger straightened slightly on her shoulders, but she made no response. "I shouldn't have done what I- what-" I trailed off. Her expression didn't change. I stepped forward and hugged her, but she was unresponsive, and barely put her arms around me, then pushed me away after a second. "Amma?" I asked.
"I want to go and do some house chores," she said quietly.
I let go of her and walked out to my room. I pulled off my t-shirt, balled it up, and threw it at the door. The situation felt hopeless. I scrubbed my face with my hands furiously, as if I could wash away all the emotions that churned within me. The feelings of rejection that were running through me were overwhelming. I just wanted Amma to love me. What was going on? Why couldn't I say what I wanted. Hell, what did I want? What did she want? The questions kept coming. Did she hate me for what had happened? Resent me? Did she want it to happen again, or for us never to speak of it? I felt frustrated and alone, and the happiness which had briefly sustained me slowly ebbed away.
At usual time of lunch I avoided going to kitchen. After some time I saw my mom coming with the trey of food in her hand. As I saw rice, a dry vegetable dish, nice Sambhar, curd, and papad I felt hungry. Amma came near and said,
"Get up....come on get up."
"I really am not hungry."
"No a little food won't hurt you much."
She put the trey on side table and I reluctantly started eating. She sat down on a chair and looked at me for some time. I finished half way and thanked her. She came near me. Then I felt her hands on my shoulders. Her touch, just that tiny bit of touch was like calm poured onto my emotional storm, and it blew everything out of my mind. She ruffled hiars of my head. Her touch was so smooth, it was like nothing I had felt before. I was afraid to do anything to break the spell of the moment, so I continued to just sit there. My mother repeated the movement of her hands over my head and then her hands slid down onto the front of my shoulders and pulled me against her body. I felt my head resting on the softness of her belly. She rubbed her hands softly up and down from my neck to my upper arms, and electricity crackled underneath her palms and fingers. Energy was coursing wildly through my body, and my heart was racing, but I remained outwardly calm, concentrating only on how good it felt to have my Amma touching me again.
"I'm sorry," she murmured finally. "I'm sorry for being rude to you, Raja."
I tried to move back to look up at her, but she held me pressed against her soft stomach. "Amma," I replied quietly, "It's me who should be sorry. And I am. I am so sorry. I have never felt so empty before."
"Oh, my darling, Raja." she said in a concerned voice, it catching in her throat. "I don't want you to feel like that. I'm so sorry." She bent down over me, and as she did I felt the meaty heaviness of her breasts touching and then dragging over the top of my head before they plopped down behind me as she continued to bend over, inadvertently dragging her left breast over my neck as she did.
"I love you, Amma," I said in a muffled voice. "I'm so sorry. I don't even know how to feel."
"It's okay," my Amma said. She hugged my head to her, rocking it gently back and forth, and then she kissed the top of my head. "I don't know how to feel either." She unwrapped her arms from me and lifted my chin with her fingers, looking into my eyes with her deep brown ones. "But I do know that I love you, and just in a miss my baby boy." She let her hand drop. "I do miss you, you know."
She stood there, and I pushed myself up from the bed, stood, and turned to face her. I could see that her saree pallu had fallen, and her blouse clad breasts were exposed to my eager eyes. Her belly, her navel, again making me excited and hopelessly attracted to her.
I don -™t know if it was my imagination but I saw her nipples outlined on her blouse. Her nipples were stiff, and though I could not see, I could imagine their dark plumpness and also large brown circles of her aureoles. She didn't move, but her breathing deepened as I inspected her, and when my eyes lifted to her face, she was smiling shyly.
I stood up and smiled at her, "I don't know exactly what to say, Amma," I began, "but I can't bear the thought of us hating each other. I couldn't bear it." I almost sobbed as I spoke the words, holding back the wast wave of emotion that swept over me.
"I agree," my Amma replied in a husky voice, and the relief rushed through me like a flood.
That was the end of mistrust but it was not enough for me. I wanted to make her mine. I was not sure what there was something going inside her too. One morning when It was early I awoke to find myself erect. Sensing some one near the door I kept pretending that I was deep asleep. From corner of one eye I saw mom looking at me. She whispered my name but I kept quiet and kept my eyes closed. She had ample time to see 'me'. I might have appeared to be sleeping or in a dream state to her. For a long time she remained standing in the door and then she moved away.
One day I saw nice photos of some wrestlers and body builders and bought them. I pinned them on the wall of my room. When Amma saw them, she was amazed to see the well built bodies of those men but then she got serious. "you know your uncle Raja he will kill me for promoting you to do such things" she said, Me: "Don't worry Amma I'll handle uncle Satish." Amma: "But how?" she asked Me: "I will tell him that I am planing to build my body and these photos are for comparison." Amma: "You already have a nice body Raja." she smiled Me: "I don't believe you." I said with sadness in my voice Amma: "Why that? I am truthful." Me: "No girl is attracted to me." I said Amma: "I don't know about girs but my cousin Kapil and his wife want me to consider their daughter Drona for you." Me: "Oh no Amma please not that girl." Amma: "What's wrong with her?" Me: "She is too slim and too dark." Amma: "So you don't like slim and dark. What then you like." Me: "I like a woman like you." Amma: "Like me? what is so special in me." Me: "You have got body of a goddess. No god fearing man can resist you." Amma: "Now you are getting naughty, I go." She went away with a smiling face. The problem was that despite these incidents I was getting no where because mom was not giving me any welcome
signals.
The only freedom my uncle gave to mom was doing grocery shopping. Normally sons get horrified when their mom take them to a shopping mall, but for me it was the opposite. Whenever I go shopping with mom I feel a closeness to her. She used to shop in a general store near our house but one day I took her to a big supermarket. She wasn't at all impressed by the items for sale in the supermarket. Looking at the ready-made food type of items she remarked,
"Don't people do anything for themselves any more?"
"It's the way it is," I said. "Folks now a days are too busy to cook, I guess."
"I think it's just bein' lazy," Mother snorted.
"Why don't you try some too."
"Hey Raja, Am I not cooking tasty?."
"You are a wonderful cook Amma."
I was pushing the shopping cart and Mother was walking beside me. We continued walking through the store, picking up things Mother needed. I added a few things I needed, too. Then mom saw the women section. She moved there for only a look but when a sales girl approached her she asked about a certain brand of bra and panty. Girl said that the brand is out of stock but there many similar brands, She asked mom to browse through from the brands available. I stood there and looked around nervously. Seeing that I hadn't followed her, mom motioned to me with her hand.
Seeing her look at the white one I remarked. "Why don't you try different colors."
"Hey don't forget I am a widow."
"You are a widow not by your choice mom and the things you are buying are worn under the cloths."
She looked convinced and for a change she picked up a black bra and a black panty. When she handed them to sale girl, she looked at their sizes and said, "I think Mam, they will be a little loose on you."
"I know my size." Mom said
"After some time most people gain wait but some loose it too." sales girl said and mentioned another size to mom.
"I feel this will be tight on me."
"Why don't you try them Mam. we have a try room here." The girl sugested
"You are right...." saying this mom turned and went towards the try room.
She went inside the try room and closed the door. There was no one else near, so I felt a huge sense of relief as I waited for her. It would have been embarrassing standing in front of the ladies changing room, if there had been other people nearby watching. Then I heard my name. She was calling me near the try room. She handed me back the set given by the sales girl and asked me to bring the one she selected first.
"Tell her the bra is lifting my breasts too high and the panty is pressing my belly."
While grabbing bra and the panty I watched from the slit of the door. I could not believe my eyes. Mom was standing inside naked. As she closed the door I ran to the sales girl and asked for another set. Moving back I handed the new set to mom. Once again she gave me an exhibition of her body for a brief moment. After some time she came out fully dressed.
"I was right about my size but this sales girl wasted my time." She said
Just when we were leaving the women section two girls entered there. One of them was Preeti, one of my class fellows. Seeing me she said, "Hi Raja."
I introduced her with my mom. We talked some and she asked me to exchange phone numbers. I never had any interest in her. One of my friend was attached to her and she took my number to give it to him. Still mom looked at her with suspicion.
After paying the bill we took a taxi and moved home. Mother didn't look at me or say anything during the journey. We arrived at the house and carried the bags from the supermarket in without talking. There was no conversation while we put the things we'd purchased away, either. I knew I had to do something. I had taken the things I bought into my room and put them away, then I returned to the kitchen. Mother was standing at the sink, looking out the window. I could see she was sad.
"Mother, what's going on?" I asked
"Nothin'" she murmured. "Nothin' at all."
"You sure are being quiet," I said.
"Don't have nothin' to say."
Since the change in her behavior occurred while we met Preeti I decided to check.
"I think you're jealous," I said.
"Why should I be jealous?" Mother snapped back.
"Good question," I said. "Why should you be?"
"I'm not."
"You don't need to be jealous of Preeti...or anyone else," I said.
"She...she was showing interest in you." Mother said.
"She is attached to one of my friends named Jozy." I said.
"I am happy to hear that because I don't want a slut to be my daughter in law." she said
"I told you mom what my preference is for my wife." I said and began running my fingers lightly up and down Mother's arms. She leaned back against me and I felt a little shudder run through me. I'd already started to get an erection; having her bottom pressing against me hastened the effect. I bent my head and kissed Mother's neck under her hair. She shuddered.
"You are getting naughtier day by day." She said
It caused her bottom to move wonderfully against my erection. I slid my hands down her arms again, then I moved them and cupped her breasts. This time Mother turned angry.
"Do this type of thing to sluts like Preeti. I am you mother."
She pushed me away and smiling I let her go. That day I felt very happy. Mom was jealous seeing me with a girl. It meant there is some hope.
"Just re-setting the pallu which was blown by the wind."
I said and moved away. At that time she kept silent but next day at breakfast she looked at me with anger. When I tried to talk to her she was not very responsive.
"How is your constipation?"
"None of your business."
"What's the matter?" I asked thogh I knew the reason.
"You were always the good child, so it really shocked me to catch you like that,"
"What Amma....I told you...." I tried to repeat my point of view but she cut me half way.
"I am not a child Raja. You are crossing the line."
Realising my mistake I whimpered my apologies and begged forgiveness by saying:
-�Amma please don't hate me, I can't live if you hate me -�.
Amma looked at me and I saw the anger in her eyes. She walked towards me and touched my face, raising my face up with her right hand to look at her. "Raja, it's -- it -™s -- okay -- you and still my son --. I don't hate you." She paused and then said, "What's done is done. But it won't be repeated."
I reached out to her and put my hands on her shoulders. I looked straight into her eyes, waited while she looked away, then looked back. She looked sad. "I really am sorry, Amma,". My finger straightened slightly on her shoulders, but she made no response. "I shouldn't have done what I- what-" I trailed off. Her expression didn't change. I stepped forward and hugged her, but she was unresponsive, and barely put her arms around me, then pushed me away after a second. "Amma?" I asked.
"I want to go and do some house chores," she said quietly.
I let go of her and walked out to my room. I pulled off my t-shirt, balled it up, and threw it at the door. The situation felt hopeless. I scrubbed my face with my hands furiously, as if I could wash away all the emotions that churned within me. The feelings of rejection that were running through me were overwhelming. I just wanted Amma to love me. What was going on? Why couldn't I say what I wanted. Hell, what did I want? What did she want? The questions kept coming. Did she hate me for what had happened? Resent me? Did she want it to happen again, or for us never to speak of it? I felt frustrated and alone, and the happiness which had briefly sustained me slowly ebbed away.
At usual time of lunch I avoided going to kitchen. After some time I saw my mom coming with the trey of food in her hand. As I saw rice, a dry vegetable dish, nice Sambhar, curd, and papad I felt hungry. Amma came near and said,
"Get up....come on get up."
"I really am not hungry."
"No a little food won't hurt you much."
She put the trey on side table and I reluctantly started eating. She sat down on a chair and looked at me for some time. I finished half way and thanked her. She came near me. Then I felt her hands on my shoulders. Her touch, just that tiny bit of touch was like calm poured onto my emotional storm, and it blew everything out of my mind. She ruffled hiars of my head. Her touch was so smooth, it was like nothing I had felt before. I was afraid to do anything to break the spell of the moment, so I continued to just sit there. My mother repeated the movement of her hands over my head and then her hands slid down onto the front of my shoulders and pulled me against her body. I felt my head resting on the softness of her belly. She rubbed her hands softly up and down from my neck to my upper arms, and electricity crackled underneath her palms and fingers. Energy was coursing wildly through my body, and my heart was racing, but I remained outwardly calm, concentrating only on how good it felt to have my Amma touching me again.
"I'm sorry," she murmured finally. "I'm sorry for being rude to you, Raja."
I tried to move back to look up at her, but she held me pressed against her soft stomach. "Amma," I replied quietly, "It's me who should be sorry. And I am. I am so sorry. I have never felt so empty before."
"Oh, my darling, Raja." she said in a concerned voice, it catching in her throat. "I don't want you to feel like that. I'm so sorry." She bent down over me, and as she did I felt the meaty heaviness of her breasts touching and then dragging over the top of my head before they plopped down behind me as she continued to bend over, inadvertently dragging her left breast over my neck as she did.
"I love you, Amma," I said in a muffled voice. "I'm so sorry. I don't even know how to feel."
"It's okay," my Amma said. She hugged my head to her, rocking it gently back and forth, and then she kissed the top of my head. "I don't know how to feel either." She unwrapped her arms from me and lifted my chin with her fingers, looking into my eyes with her deep brown ones. "But I do know that I love you, and just in a miss my baby boy." She let her hand drop. "I do miss you, you know."
She stood there, and I pushed myself up from the bed, stood, and turned to face her. I could see that her saree pallu had fallen, and her blouse clad breasts were exposed to my eager eyes. Her belly, her navel, again making me excited and hopelessly attracted to her.
I don -™t know if it was my imagination but I saw her nipples outlined on her blouse. Her nipples were stiff, and though I could not see, I could imagine their dark plumpness and also large brown circles of her aureoles. She didn't move, but her breathing deepened as I inspected her, and when my eyes lifted to her face, she was smiling shyly.
I stood up and smiled at her, "I don't know exactly what to say, Amma," I began, "but I can't bear the thought of us hating each other. I couldn't bear it." I almost sobbed as I spoke the words, holding back the wast wave of emotion that swept over me.
"I agree," my Amma replied in a husky voice, and the relief rushed through me like a flood.
That was the end of mistrust but it was not enough for me. I wanted to make her mine. I was not sure what there was something going inside her too. One morning when It was early I awoke to find myself erect. Sensing some one near the door I kept pretending that I was deep asleep. From corner of one eye I saw mom looking at me. She whispered my name but I kept quiet and kept my eyes closed. She had ample time to see 'me'. I might have appeared to be sleeping or in a dream state to her. For a long time she remained standing in the door and then she moved away.
One day I saw nice photos of some wrestlers and body builders and bought them. I pinned them on the wall of my room. When Amma saw them, she was amazed to see the well built bodies of those men but then she got serious. "you know your uncle Raja he will kill me for promoting you to do such things" she said, Me: "Don't worry Amma I'll handle uncle Satish." Amma: "But how?" she asked Me: "I will tell him that I am planing to build my body and these photos are for comparison." Amma: "You already have a nice body Raja." she smiled Me: "I don't believe you." I said with sadness in my voice Amma: "Why that? I am truthful." Me: "No girl is attracted to me." I said Amma: "I don't know about girs but my cousin Kapil and his wife want me to consider their daughter Drona for you." Me: "Oh no Amma please not that girl." Amma: "What's wrong with her?" Me: "She is too slim and too dark." Amma: "So you don't like slim and dark. What then you like." Me: "I like a woman like you." Amma: "Like me? what is so special in me." Me: "You have got body of a goddess. No god fearing man can resist you." Amma: "Now you are getting naughty, I go." She went away with a smiling face. The problem was that despite these incidents I was getting no where because mom was not giving me any welcome
signals.
The only freedom my uncle gave to mom was doing grocery shopping. Normally sons get horrified when their mom take them to a shopping mall, but for me it was the opposite. Whenever I go shopping with mom I feel a closeness to her. She used to shop in a general store near our house but one day I took her to a big supermarket. She wasn't at all impressed by the items for sale in the supermarket. Looking at the ready-made food type of items she remarked,
"Don't people do anything for themselves any more?"
"It's the way it is," I said. "Folks now a days are too busy to cook, I guess."
"I think it's just bein' lazy," Mother snorted.
"Why don't you try some too."
"Hey Raja, Am I not cooking tasty?."
"You are a wonderful cook Amma."
I was pushing the shopping cart and Mother was walking beside me. We continued walking through the store, picking up things Mother needed. I added a few things I needed, too. Then mom saw the women section. She moved there for only a look but when a sales girl approached her she asked about a certain brand of bra and panty. Girl said that the brand is out of stock but there many similar brands, She asked mom to browse through from the brands available. I stood there and looked around nervously. Seeing that I hadn't followed her, mom motioned to me with her hand.
Seeing her look at the white one I remarked. "Why don't you try different colors."
"Hey don't forget I am a widow."
"You are a widow not by your choice mom and the things you are buying are worn under the cloths."
She looked convinced and for a change she picked up a black bra and a black panty. When she handed them to sale girl, she looked at their sizes and said, "I think Mam, they will be a little loose on you."
"I know my size." Mom said
"After some time most people gain wait but some loose it too." sales girl said and mentioned another size to mom.
"I feel this will be tight on me."
"Why don't you try them Mam. we have a try room here." The girl sugested
"You are right...." saying this mom turned and went towards the try room.
She went inside the try room and closed the door. There was no one else near, so I felt a huge sense of relief as I waited for her. It would have been embarrassing standing in front of the ladies changing room, if there had been other people nearby watching. Then I heard my name. She was calling me near the try room. She handed me back the set given by the sales girl and asked me to bring the one she selected first.
"Tell her the bra is lifting my breasts too high and the panty is pressing my belly."
While grabbing bra and the panty I watched from the slit of the door. I could not believe my eyes. Mom was standing inside naked. As she closed the door I ran to the sales girl and asked for another set. Moving back I handed the new set to mom. Once again she gave me an exhibition of her body for a brief moment. After some time she came out fully dressed.
"I was right about my size but this sales girl wasted my time." She said
Just when we were leaving the women section two girls entered there. One of them was Preeti, one of my class fellows. Seeing me she said, "Hi Raja."
I introduced her with my mom. We talked some and she asked me to exchange phone numbers. I never had any interest in her. One of my friend was attached to her and she took my number to give it to him. Still mom looked at her with suspicion.
After paying the bill we took a taxi and moved home. Mother didn't look at me or say anything during the journey. We arrived at the house and carried the bags from the supermarket in without talking. There was no conversation while we put the things we'd purchased away, either. I knew I had to do something. I had taken the things I bought into my room and put them away, then I returned to the kitchen. Mother was standing at the sink, looking out the window. I could see she was sad.
"Mother, what's going on?" I asked
"Nothin'" she murmured. "Nothin' at all."
"You sure are being quiet," I said.
"Don't have nothin' to say."
Since the change in her behavior occurred while we met Preeti I decided to check.
"I think you're jealous," I said.
"Why should I be jealous?" Mother snapped back.
"Good question," I said. "Why should you be?"
"I'm not."
"You don't need to be jealous of Preeti...or anyone else," I said.
"She...she was showing interest in you." Mother said.
"She is attached to one of my friends named Jozy." I said.
"I am happy to hear that because I don't want a slut to be my daughter in law." she said
"I told you mom what my preference is for my wife." I said and began running my fingers lightly up and down Mother's arms. She leaned back against me and I felt a little shudder run through me. I'd already started to get an erection; having her bottom pressing against me hastened the effect. I bent my head and kissed Mother's neck under her hair. She shuddered.
"You are getting naughtier day by day." She said
It caused her bottom to move wonderfully against my erection. I slid my hands down her arms again, then I moved them and cupped her breasts. This time Mother turned angry.
"Do this type of thing to sluts like Preeti. I am you mother."
She pushed me away and smiling I let her go. That day I felt very happy. Mom was jealous seeing me with a girl. It meant there is some hope.
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