12-11-2023, 05:47 AM
When I woke up next, it was Saturday morning, I saw many messages from Shazia. She had texted me late night around 2 am.
“See… There are many things I could not tell you before marriage. We just started talking and I did not feel comfortable saying all this to you. Also, parents were involved and I was not sure how you will take it. I thought to forget things and start new life with you. I thought it will not matter, but now I think it does matter. It is not like you think. When Irfan lost his job, we were struggling with money, so he made me have sex with some men for money. He used to find the guy and take me to the hotel room. He used to take the money from them and wait outside while they have sex with me. Once Irfan arranged for 3 guys to spend one night with me. I was afraid but Irfan was not ready to listen. He said that they paid him more. Irfan took me to a kind of resort. It was very lonely at night. He called them and 1 guy came and took us to their room. They were drinking and taking drugs there. I was feeling uncomfortable but Irfan was not ready to go back. He had already taken money from them. They wanted me to be there with them whole night and asked Irfan to leave. Seeing me scared, Irfan said that he will not go home but he will be sleeping outside. Those men did not like it and argued with Irfan, but they talked and agreed. After Irfan went out of room, they had sex with me one by one. Later, I saw they were all drunk and I too slept. I woke up suddenly when I felt someone turning me and trying to have sex with me from behind. I felt he was trying to put his penis in my ass. I screamed for help and tried to run, but he caught me and the other 2 blocked me from running. Irfan was sleeping just near the door and so he heard my screams and started knocking the door. I tried resisting, but they were stronger. When Irfan continued to knock. One guy opened the door and tried to fight with Irfan saying nothing wrong they did and I was not cooperating. When I called Irfan, he came in too and saw me struggling. He understood that they were trying to have sex differently. He started to argue with them that they had not mentioned about this and that he will charge extra for it. He was fighting with them for money. That was the time I felt very upset on Irfan. I picked my clothes and wanted to run. Those men did not want to give money and were beating him up. I started screaming for help and because of the noise and fear that someone may come, they hit us and pushed us out yelling. Irfan kept shouting at them when I pulled him back to return home. The next morning, I packed everything and went to my parent’s home with my children. I never wanted to live with Irfan again. This is what happened and this is why I left Irfan. I don’t know what you will think about me knowing this. I will not force you for anything. I did not lie to you. The way you were, I thought you will understand and my life will be better, but it happened like this. Thank you for marrying me and giving me a chance, but I am not fit to be a wife. It is better we just stay away from each other. You be happy. Please don’t text me or call me. I can understand.”
After reading all her messages, I fell back to bed and was not able to accept all this. She was prostituting herself before. Lying down, I felt disappointed knowing that my wife had such sexual past. At the same time, I felt sad for her and thought that she was sexually exploited and it cannot be her mistake. With whatever she revealed, I could make out that Irfan was responsible for it and he must have forced her into it. With such mixed feelings in me, I spent the whole day. My mother noticed my disturbed state and thought it was because of Shazia not being there for the weekend. Trying to make me feel better, she said that she misses her too and asked me if we can shift closer to her company so that we all stay together. This further made me to think deep about my relationship with Shazia. While I tried sleeping that night, I kept thinking of it. Although I felt sympathy for her, I had lost my love feelings on her. I developed some kind of disliking and I could not accept her and these facts that she revealed. The dilemma continued for another week. Neither Shazia nor me spoke to each other all this while. Although I was feeling disturbed knowing the facts that she revealed, I also thought that whatever happened was her past and it was influenced by her ex-husband Irfan. Now, she is out of it and she was expecting a new life with me. I thought to myself that I should support her and help her to forget her past experiences instead of rejecting her. She was also my childhood friend and I loved her. Even if not for all these reasons, I felt the need to accept her now for my mother and family’s sake. The rest of the week, my mind kept thinking of this and I could not concentrate on work or anything. My manager and colleagues also noticed it and started to inquire. My mother kept talking of her in between and that used to disturb my mind even more. Finally, I decided to meet a counsellor and take some guidance because I was not able to decide what to do. I fixed an appointment with a psychologist that I found online.
On Saturday, I met the psychologist and spoke to him about my life issues and how my first marriage failed and that I was hopeful of this marriage. I tried to hide some of the details of sex with the psychologist, but he was asking me more and more questions to know it all. He then asked me if I liked her and found her attractive to which I replied yes. Finally, he started describing about marriage and lectured me about it. He then said a few things that I felt were correct. According to the psychologist, I should first know her and get to know what she has been through before deciding on whether she was a victim or a lady with a bad character. He also said that I should give her the opportunity to talk and give her the opening in life that she needs at this time. He said that I should stop expecting her to be in any particular way and start accepting the way she is. He also said that the past is not something that can be changed for her or me, but the present can be worked with. He told me that she may have gone through some trauma and I have to take it slow with her. He insisted that I break the silence and start talking with her and give her the assurance first. As time passes, he said that she will get to understand me better, but for that, I have to first exercise patience and be casual with her than being strict on her. He said that showing anger and questioning her will make her hide more and feel guilty. Instead, he asked me to be okay and casual with her to know her first. The psychologist also advised me to not break off so soon with the marriage because he said that he found us compatible as couple and that we also had some good sexual bonding between us. He asked me to first make her feel happy and just observe her instead of restricting her or applying conditions on her.
“See… There are many things I could not tell you before marriage. We just started talking and I did not feel comfortable saying all this to you. Also, parents were involved and I was not sure how you will take it. I thought to forget things and start new life with you. I thought it will not matter, but now I think it does matter. It is not like you think. When Irfan lost his job, we were struggling with money, so he made me have sex with some men for money. He used to find the guy and take me to the hotel room. He used to take the money from them and wait outside while they have sex with me. Once Irfan arranged for 3 guys to spend one night with me. I was afraid but Irfan was not ready to listen. He said that they paid him more. Irfan took me to a kind of resort. It was very lonely at night. He called them and 1 guy came and took us to their room. They were drinking and taking drugs there. I was feeling uncomfortable but Irfan was not ready to go back. He had already taken money from them. They wanted me to be there with them whole night and asked Irfan to leave. Seeing me scared, Irfan said that he will not go home but he will be sleeping outside. Those men did not like it and argued with Irfan, but they talked and agreed. After Irfan went out of room, they had sex with me one by one. Later, I saw they were all drunk and I too slept. I woke up suddenly when I felt someone turning me and trying to have sex with me from behind. I felt he was trying to put his penis in my ass. I screamed for help and tried to run, but he caught me and the other 2 blocked me from running. Irfan was sleeping just near the door and so he heard my screams and started knocking the door. I tried resisting, but they were stronger. When Irfan continued to knock. One guy opened the door and tried to fight with Irfan saying nothing wrong they did and I was not cooperating. When I called Irfan, he came in too and saw me struggling. He understood that they were trying to have sex differently. He started to argue with them that they had not mentioned about this and that he will charge extra for it. He was fighting with them for money. That was the time I felt very upset on Irfan. I picked my clothes and wanted to run. Those men did not want to give money and were beating him up. I started screaming for help and because of the noise and fear that someone may come, they hit us and pushed us out yelling. Irfan kept shouting at them when I pulled him back to return home. The next morning, I packed everything and went to my parent’s home with my children. I never wanted to live with Irfan again. This is what happened and this is why I left Irfan. I don’t know what you will think about me knowing this. I will not force you for anything. I did not lie to you. The way you were, I thought you will understand and my life will be better, but it happened like this. Thank you for marrying me and giving me a chance, but I am not fit to be a wife. It is better we just stay away from each other. You be happy. Please don’t text me or call me. I can understand.”
After reading all her messages, I fell back to bed and was not able to accept all this. She was prostituting herself before. Lying down, I felt disappointed knowing that my wife had such sexual past. At the same time, I felt sad for her and thought that she was sexually exploited and it cannot be her mistake. With whatever she revealed, I could make out that Irfan was responsible for it and he must have forced her into it. With such mixed feelings in me, I spent the whole day. My mother noticed my disturbed state and thought it was because of Shazia not being there for the weekend. Trying to make me feel better, she said that she misses her too and asked me if we can shift closer to her company so that we all stay together. This further made me to think deep about my relationship with Shazia. While I tried sleeping that night, I kept thinking of it. Although I felt sympathy for her, I had lost my love feelings on her. I developed some kind of disliking and I could not accept her and these facts that she revealed. The dilemma continued for another week. Neither Shazia nor me spoke to each other all this while. Although I was feeling disturbed knowing the facts that she revealed, I also thought that whatever happened was her past and it was influenced by her ex-husband Irfan. Now, she is out of it and she was expecting a new life with me. I thought to myself that I should support her and help her to forget her past experiences instead of rejecting her. She was also my childhood friend and I loved her. Even if not for all these reasons, I felt the need to accept her now for my mother and family’s sake. The rest of the week, my mind kept thinking of this and I could not concentrate on work or anything. My manager and colleagues also noticed it and started to inquire. My mother kept talking of her in between and that used to disturb my mind even more. Finally, I decided to meet a counsellor and take some guidance because I was not able to decide what to do. I fixed an appointment with a psychologist that I found online.
On Saturday, I met the psychologist and spoke to him about my life issues and how my first marriage failed and that I was hopeful of this marriage. I tried to hide some of the details of sex with the psychologist, but he was asking me more and more questions to know it all. He then asked me if I liked her and found her attractive to which I replied yes. Finally, he started describing about marriage and lectured me about it. He then said a few things that I felt were correct. According to the psychologist, I should first know her and get to know what she has been through before deciding on whether she was a victim or a lady with a bad character. He also said that I should give her the opportunity to talk and give her the opening in life that she needs at this time. He said that I should stop expecting her to be in any particular way and start accepting the way she is. He also said that the past is not something that can be changed for her or me, but the present can be worked with. He told me that she may have gone through some trauma and I have to take it slow with her. He insisted that I break the silence and start talking with her and give her the assurance first. As time passes, he said that she will get to understand me better, but for that, I have to first exercise patience and be casual with her than being strict on her. He said that showing anger and questioning her will make her hide more and feel guilty. Instead, he asked me to be okay and casual with her to know her first. The psychologist also advised me to not break off so soon with the marriage because he said that he found us compatible as couple and that we also had some good sexual bonding between us. He asked me to first make her feel happy and just observe her instead of restricting her or applying conditions on her.
Disclaimer:
All photos, GIFs, and videos are either own or derived from the internet. Credit goes to the actual owners. Most photos are from Anamika in Bingemee. Credit goes to Anamika for her photos. PM for complaint/removal of any posted content.
All photos, GIFs, and videos are either own or derived from the internet. Credit goes to the actual owners. Most photos are from Anamika in Bingemee. Credit goes to Anamika for her photos. PM for complaint/removal of any posted content.
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