14-08-2023, 10:05 PM
Chapter 11 – continued
My first experience of a blowjob was mind blowing. I couldn’t even have imagined how the pleasure was going to be like. My fantasy, my dreams were all coming true. I had always imagined my first sex experience was going to be with a girl around my age but this … sex with an older woman was something I had not even fantasied about. She sucked me for what seemed a long time but I was hoping she would never stop. Finally, when she took her mouth off my piece of meat it was drenched with her saliva.
“You are not lying to me are you? You are still a virgin?” She asked me suspiciously.
I got a disturbed when she asked me like that, I was so unsettled that I reverted to calling her aunty. “Why do you ask aunty? I swear all this is new to me.”
She could see that I was not lying. “It’s just that an unexperienced young man would have finished by now but you seem to hold on without any problem.”
I smiled shyly trying to avoid looking into her eyes. How can I tell her the reason for my, this professed prowess? “No aunty it’s because I… ,” I stopped as I couldn’t find the words to tell her why.
“Go on, tell me.. why did you stop.”
“No aunty .. it’s nothing,” I was too embarrassed to tell her the reason.
“You are hiding something Vikram, I know it. What ever it is you can tell me. I won’t think badly of it.”
I was hesitant because I had to admit to something that was shameful for me to admit at that age. As she expectantly looked at my face as she stroked my cock I decided to open up. “It’s that I masturbate almost everyday sometimes even two times a day. “
“Why be shy about this? This is nothing, all boys your age do it.”
(You have so much of desire for sex is it, good I’ll use that)
“It’s just I stop when I feel like finishing and then continue so to last long.”
She laughed and said,” Well if you please me you don’t have to resort to that anymore.”
“Now you explore my body,” She told me.
Like a small boy who had been given his favourite toy I caressed her body all over. I touched her where she told me to, kissed her where she wanted me to and on my own licked her body because I was so hot for her at that time. She moaned appreciating my efforts.
“Now Vikram, do what I did for you,” Sandhya said as she lay on her back with her thighs opened wide for me. I was going to taste a woman’s cunt for the first time. It was something I had dreamt about from the time I became interested in sex. I was slightly apprehensive whether a woman’s vagina would smell and that I may be put off by it. But her pussy was clean and the smell coming from it arousing. I did what I had thought licking a cunt meant, I literally pushed out my tongue and licked there like licking an ice cream.
“No darling boy, it’s not just that, suck there, suck my inner lips but gently … mmm like that … now put your fingers in lie you are fucking me .. no, no, … not like that … a little up hmm yes like that..”
I didn’t know then that there was much more to cunnilingus then just licking. That first time I didn’t do it very well but well enough for her to get some pleasure. Over the course of many months she let her body be my learning aid as I slowly learnt how to please a woman in this way. On that day though I made up for my lack of skill by my enthusiasm. Finally, the time for the thing I was waiting for arrived. She pulled me up and lovingly kissed me.
“Now Vikram dear, I want you … I want your virginity .. Are you ready? She said as she ran her fingers through my hair.
I was more than ready,” Yes,” was all I could croak. I eagerly got in between her open legs. This much I knew what to do but floundered when I tried to put my cock into her pussy hole. This would have confirmed to her that I was a novice in this and still a virgin.
She came to my rescue. She lodged the tip of my prick at the entrance to her treasure hole and said,” now push it in but slowly .. you are big.”
As I slowly pushed down she pulled me to her. My full cock slid into her moist opening which tightly gripped my pole and just like that I was no more a virgin.
“Wow I feel like you are poking into my stomach Vikram sss…”
This felt so wonderful for me and I immediately started moving fast and aggressively.
“Wait .. wait …Vikram, stop,” she held me tight not letting me move. I stopped everything I was doing and looked at her face. I was scared I did something wrong.
“Sorry … did I do anything wrong?”
“Vikram do you have to go somewhere quickly?”
She asked me this so seriously that I answered her. “No .. why are you asking?”
“Then why your hurry? Don’t hurt the woman, make her enjoy.”
My over enthusiasm was because this was my first time but Sandhya guided me, slowing me down, encouraging me when to move faster even when I feel like I’m getting near making me stop moving my hips but making the arousal not subside by continuing to caress each other and exchange kisses before continuing to move. Not only that day but over the course of our relationship she taught me the ways to give pleasure to a woman.
Whatever said and done that first time I came before she did. Not knowing that and having experienced superb pleasure I enthusiastically asked her,” how was it for you Aunty? You enjoyed?”
She just smiled in response. Even at that time I could understand that she hadn’t reached her orgasm. I felt down and inadequate at that time. “Sorry aunty, you didn’t like it .. I couldn’t stop from finishing.”
Seeing my long face, she smiled kindly at me. “Who said I didn’t enjoy? Not reaching orgasm doesn’t mean a woman didn’t enjoy the sex. Don’t worry too much my dear boy.”
My disappointment was still evident on my face. She cuddled me lovingly and for me at that age I was ready to go again within five minutes. This time I was very happy when Sandhya suddenly grabbed my body hard as if wanting to crush me and moaned loudly. I realised she was having her orgasm. After that I felt a looseness in the grip of her pussy on my cock. I was so happy that I pumped hard and shot my load into her. That was the start of our intimate illicit relationship. In the next three years I had sex with Sandhya much more than her husband would have. She shaped me in things that became erotic for me. She would talk with her husband on the phone while having sex with me. For me at that time it made the sex very enjoyable. This was what I wanted to do later with the women I had sex with, what I want to do with Bavani too. Especially wives engaging in double meaning talk as I fuck their wives. After seeing a video of a man and woman having sex in a car I had asked her if we could do it. One night she asked me to come out when everyone was sleeping. She took me in her car to a remote place where we parked and letting the car engine run and the air conditioner on we got completely naked and had a wonderful romp in the car. The next day she said she had a big task in trying to clean the car seat as my sperm had leaked on to the seat. I don’t know if I would be able to fuck Bavani in Mohan’s car but I certainly planned to fuck Bavani in my car. She wanted to buy me expensive clothes and gifts but I refused because I won’t be able to explain that away to my parents. Instead she would take me to expensive hotels where she would book a room for us to enjoy ourselves and appease the hunger in our body before we would have food at the same hotel and appease the hunger of our stomachs. During that period my appetite for sex was completely taken care by her so much so I had no interest in any other women. Every type of sex I wanted she gave me. Showed me where to touch and caress a woman to give her pleasure. In short she made me the lover I became.
We had become so close during that time and it could be said that I was even a little in love with her. That day when she first picked me up, she had done it on an impulse. It was a spur of the moment thing. What had driven her to do this was her growing frustration with her husband who had been completely neglecting her. It had hurt her more because their marriage was a love marriage that they fought for against the wishes of their parents. Now after a few years of marriage they had completely grown apart. So, her husband was the reason for her to get close to me and paradoxically he was the reason for them to get close again and for her to break off her affair with me. Because of his heavy drinking habit, he had a stroke at the young age thirty-nine. That was when he became dependant on her. The love she used to have for him and which had been driven away deep into her came forth when she saw the helpless state he was in. He needed her even for simple tasks and she felt good to be needed again by her husband. They re-found the reason they fell in love the first time. The relationship of marriage was not dependant on sex alone though it played an important role. An important part is interdependence between the couple. Over time he recovered to a large extent physically mentally he was deeply affected. He came to know the value of his wife again and he started showing his love for her once more. She started reciprocating.
“Pity him Vikram, he needs me now,” she told me. As we had become close whenever she called me by name along with Vikram she would add darling , baby, dear boy etc but now it was just Vikram and I noticed that difference. “He really needs me now and I need to fully put my attention on taking care of him.”
Before her husband could have taken care of her sexual needs but for him drinking with friends gave him greater pleasure. She decided she would seek it elsewhere. Now he was not capable of engaging in sex (at least not yet) but she didn’t need that sex anymore, his display of love for her was more important to for her. That was when I came to know that the feeling of love was stronger than the need for sex. I also came to know that it was almost important to understand a woman. I got a new found respect for her and I did not want to cause any trouble in her life by insisting on continuing to have sex with her.
“Forgive me Vikram, at an impressionable age I used you for my own needs,” she said with regret and sadness in her voice. “I’m worried that I have led you down a wrong path and you will have wrong impression of women in general, only one thing I will tell you, keep in mind that not all women behave like me.”
Soon she left the city and moved on to her husband’s hometown. While she was here I had all the sexual pleasure I needed but now I started missing sex a lot. Though by now I was quite good in matters relating to sex I did not know anything on how to go about seducing a woman. Sandhya was the one who picked me up and seduced me but I didn’t know the first thing on how to get a woman. My first efforts in this were complete disasters. I’ve had women who gave me dirty (angry) looks, I’ve been scolded a few times when women realised what my intentions were. It was because after my experience with Sandhya I was drawn only towards married women. It was deeply imbedded in my mind that only they are very good in bed so I never made any approach to any girl my age though I was aware that there were some who had shown interest. There was one bad incident where I was beaten up by the woman’s husband and her brothers. That’s when I became withdrawn and very cautious. Over time I started learning on how to read the signals given out by women who are interested. Some were obvious ones when her eyes flutter when you are talking to her, or she crosses her legs while sitting and her knees point to you. Another thing was eye contact. She would look deep into your eyes when conversing that is what Bavani did. The other not so obvious ones were tossing or stroking her hair, caressing objects in her hand both of this Bavani did after she realised I was drooling after her. She stroked her hair in place where her braided hair was already in place and she unconsciously caressed the cups she was supposed to be cleaning. All these signals Bavani gave off gave me hope. So, after Sandhya I finally succeeded in seducing a woman after many efforts that led to failure. The truth was very few women were ready to stray in their marriage though maybe the number of women who were interested maybe more. I also learnt that though some women gave out signals they were interested they did not have the guts to go through with their desire. The first woman I had sex with after Sandhya reconfirmed in my mind that the best women to engage in sex with were married women who cheated. That woman who was cheating for the first time was very fearful and cautious fearing getting caught more than anything but once in the act of adulterous love itself she would display her full passion and be a very consummate lover.
She
Everything that had happened was just only like a dream. Did I behave in such a way I thought to myself not being able to believe how I could have been that bold. Now in the familiar surroundings of my own home the enormity of what I had done truly hit me. I had lost the most precious thing a woman has to a man who I had only just met on that day. I couldn’t believe I was capable of behaving in this manner. Truly I didn’t know about my own self … what I was capable of. How could I have faltered so easily? Was I such a cheap woman? That too I slept with a man younger than me, granted he was only two years younger than me. Was I so ready to succumb to a man’s seduction? I must have had some aching need in me that even I was not conscious of. All these thoughts came one after another to me but I still couldn’t get clarity on my state of being. In that different atmosphere in the wedding I had a new type of excitement, a thrill that I was being courted by a handsome young man. I took it as a compliment and let myself bask in that pleasant feeling. I didn’t think it would lead to anything so I thought it would cause no harm. Events moved more rapidly than I anticipated and events and emotions overwhelmed me. After that the immense pleasure that I had experienced with Vikram, the intense ecstasy of the orgasms that I experienced kept me in an unsettled state and easily be manipulated by my young lover who had been adept at creating the situations where he and I could experience the thrilling joy of illicit sex. At that time, I forgot everything. I forgot that I was married. I forgot that I was a loyal wife. I forgot that I was the mother of a child. All that mattered was the deliciously sinful sex. Now back in the familiar surroundings of my home reality has come crashing down on me. The enormity of my betrayal and the accompanying sense of guilt started weighing down on me. What had happened at the wedding was surreal, this was reality.
The next day after my husband and son had gone to work and school respectively I took an unusually very long bath. As if I was trying to wash away the sin from my body with the water. I even found it difficult to go into the pooja room. How am I to face the deities after what I had done. Wouldn’t the images of the deities scold me that I was a slut? I was in a very pensive mood. I sat on the sofa, lost within my own thoughts.
“Okay what are you going to do now Bavani?” I asked myself. “Knowing Vikram, he will somehow get your details and contact you, what will you do then?” “You have engaged in this sinful deed once (not exactly once .. a number of times but all within a short frame of time) or you going to continue to betray the trust of your husband?” “Is the pleasure of the body more important than anything else in life?” “Pity your husband, what you did was unfair to him … how are you going to make up for it for him?” The image of my husband’s face and Vikram’s face were fighting for dominance in my mind. Who was more important? .. the husband or the lover?
As if on cue I got the message alert tone. I dreaded to look at who it was from because in my mind I knew it could only be from one person. But there was no avoiding it. I had to look at it.
As I suspected the message was indeed from Vikram. “Hi darling , how are you … miss you so much.”
Seeing it caused a flutter in my heart but I forced restrain on myself. I had dodged a bullet then by not getting caught. If something like that had happened I would have probably hung myself in shame. What about my husband? If I had been caught in a compromising position with Vikram by any of our relatives what a scandal it would have been. How would my husband have been able to bear the humiliation? He would have to have faced deriding comments behind his back and maybe sometimes to his face itself. What if he took his own life because of this? What would have happened to my son? He would have been the brunt of everyone’s ridicule while growing. The legitimacy of his birth would have been subject to question. Lust at that time had made me do things unthinkingly but now I am facing cold reality. This is threading dangerous waters. I should give Vikram no encouragement. Yes, the sex had been unimaginably wonderful but that has to be the past from now on. I can’t jeopardize the well being of my marriage and family for the selfish reason of satisfying my base sexual needs. I chose to ignore it, chose not to respond to him in any way though my mind and my body reminded me of the pleasures that awaited me if I was only ready to relent a little in my resolve. (But I didn’t think of blocking his number, maybe deep inside I still wanted to be pursued) I needed time to get rid of this desire for him.
He kept messaging me a few times and when I still didn’t respond he started calling me on the phone. I knew that the call from the unknown number was from him. Several times my fingers itched to answer him. I fooled myself by saying to myself that I only wanted to attend the phone to tell him not to disturb me anymore. That was true too, he was disturbing my peace of mind and my resolve by the reminder of the heavenly joy I experienced with him. Luckily I was in the comforting surroundings of my own home and my resolve stood firm though it wobbled now and then. To stop myself from thinking of Vikram I would gaze upon the photo of my husband on the wall. But this caused another reaction within me. Seeing his kind face made the guilt I felt stronger. I had cheated him I had given to another man that which should be only his to enjoy. I made a resolution that I would make up for what I did by giving my husband pleasures he didn’t have from me before. In that way at least my guilt would lessen a bit. That evening when my husband returned from work there was a little reserve in his communication with me. The closeness we had before our trip for the wedding was now gone. This wasn’t anything to be surprised about. I was aware that my husband had his suspicions of the relationship between Vikram and me. He was especially suspicious of Vikram who did not try to hide from him that he was besotted with me. That someone as virile and handsome as Vikram wanted me so much was very pleasing for me at that time. I own sense of self worth and ego was boosted so much. But now I’m paying the price for it. A slight rift had formed between my husband and I. It would now be up to me to repair it. I knew my husband didn’t know that I and Vikram already had sex. He had his doubts but he was not sure. I knew this because if he had known there would have been cataclysmic crisis at home now. He is not the type to simply turn a blind eye to something like that. I know my husband and I know his tolerance level.
One thing was deep down he would want to believe that nothing had happened yet. That was the only thing that would allow him to continue to be with me now. I have to reinforce that belief within him. I had to earn back his complete trust. I should see to it that my little tryst with Vikram doesn’t harm the harmony of my family life. In a moment of weakness, I had let my desires take over but now that has to be firmly put in the past. That was because Vikram can only be a part of my past, there was no future with him. That night I myself sought to have sex with my husband but he didn’t seem to want to.
“Sorry Bavani, after the long trip back yesterday and the heavy work load in office of today I am a little tired.”
This was the first time he was rejecting me for sex. It showed the hurt he must be feeling. My heart welled with sympathy for him. I had … my behaviour had caused this. He had turned and sleeping showing his back to me. My remorse, pity and sympathy were disturbing me very much. I longed to hold him in my embrace and cuddle him hoping to wash the hurt away but he had shown his rejection of me by turning and showing his back to me. My emotions at that time were too strong just to simply let matters be as that.
I placed my hand on his shoulder and gently massaged him. “My poor dear, you’re so tired … rest darling, I’m always there for you.”
Maybe he didn’t want me to touch him at that time but he couldn’t just have pushed my hand away. He would have to explain himself then. The problem simmering inside would have to come out in the open. He was not ready for it and neither was I. Anyway, if he had confronted me I would have denied everything and would have also shown that I was upset with him for doubting me. He let me massage him. I was gentle and soothing in my massage. Slowly my massages turned to caresses. A woman can be very seductive when she wants to and there was nothing wrong in me wanting to seduce my own husband. I wanted to do it because he had suffered so much mentally for two days. Time for him to forget everything and lose himself in the pleasure I was going to give him. After a while he turned to face me. He looked deeply into my eyes. I was hoping he would only see the love I had for him in my eyes. (what transpired between Vikram and me was lust not love). We made love then. After two days of fornicating with a stranger I was now making love with my husband. He kissed me much longer than what we were usually used to when we had sex. I held him to my chest as he fondled and drank from my breasts. I caressed his face, kissed his head and cooed to him as suckled on my breasts. I kissed him all over his chest before teasing his nipples with my tongue and lips. I made him writhe and moan in pleasure as I wanted all his sufferings to be a thing of his past. For the first time he didn’t have to ask me, I myself took his penis in my mouth and very lovingly sucked it. I made sure I didn’t bring him quickly to the brink stopping and kissing around his groin before starting again. Finally, when he entered me I gave my body with as much passion as I could muster. My husband moved with a speed and strength he had not shown before. As my husband was moving in me I tried everything I could I in not wanting to think of Vikram at that moment. My concentration was so great in avoiding thinking of Vikram that I couldn’t immerse myself in the sex with my husband. When my husband had his orgasm I too moaned and hugged him tight pretending I too had an orgasm. Today it was important that my husband had a lot of pleasure. I was not upset or disappointed that I did not reach my climax. I kissed my husband lovingly after we had finished. I lay with my head on his chest as I tried to doze off.
“Please god, at least now give me the strength to resist all temptations and be true to my husband,” I prayed silently.
My first experience of a blowjob was mind blowing. I couldn’t even have imagined how the pleasure was going to be like. My fantasy, my dreams were all coming true. I had always imagined my first sex experience was going to be with a girl around my age but this … sex with an older woman was something I had not even fantasied about. She sucked me for what seemed a long time but I was hoping she would never stop. Finally, when she took her mouth off my piece of meat it was drenched with her saliva.
“You are not lying to me are you? You are still a virgin?” She asked me suspiciously.
I got a disturbed when she asked me like that, I was so unsettled that I reverted to calling her aunty. “Why do you ask aunty? I swear all this is new to me.”
She could see that I was not lying. “It’s just that an unexperienced young man would have finished by now but you seem to hold on without any problem.”
I smiled shyly trying to avoid looking into her eyes. How can I tell her the reason for my, this professed prowess? “No aunty it’s because I… ,” I stopped as I couldn’t find the words to tell her why.
“Go on, tell me.. why did you stop.”
“No aunty .. it’s nothing,” I was too embarrassed to tell her the reason.
“You are hiding something Vikram, I know it. What ever it is you can tell me. I won’t think badly of it.”
I was hesitant because I had to admit to something that was shameful for me to admit at that age. As she expectantly looked at my face as she stroked my cock I decided to open up. “It’s that I masturbate almost everyday sometimes even two times a day. “
“Why be shy about this? This is nothing, all boys your age do it.”
(You have so much of desire for sex is it, good I’ll use that)
“It’s just I stop when I feel like finishing and then continue so to last long.”
She laughed and said,” Well if you please me you don’t have to resort to that anymore.”
“Now you explore my body,” She told me.
Like a small boy who had been given his favourite toy I caressed her body all over. I touched her where she told me to, kissed her where she wanted me to and on my own licked her body because I was so hot for her at that time. She moaned appreciating my efforts.
“Now Vikram, do what I did for you,” Sandhya said as she lay on her back with her thighs opened wide for me. I was going to taste a woman’s cunt for the first time. It was something I had dreamt about from the time I became interested in sex. I was slightly apprehensive whether a woman’s vagina would smell and that I may be put off by it. But her pussy was clean and the smell coming from it arousing. I did what I had thought licking a cunt meant, I literally pushed out my tongue and licked there like licking an ice cream.
“No darling boy, it’s not just that, suck there, suck my inner lips but gently … mmm like that … now put your fingers in lie you are fucking me .. no, no, … not like that … a little up hmm yes like that..”
I didn’t know then that there was much more to cunnilingus then just licking. That first time I didn’t do it very well but well enough for her to get some pleasure. Over the course of many months she let her body be my learning aid as I slowly learnt how to please a woman in this way. On that day though I made up for my lack of skill by my enthusiasm. Finally, the time for the thing I was waiting for arrived. She pulled me up and lovingly kissed me.
“Now Vikram dear, I want you … I want your virginity .. Are you ready? She said as she ran her fingers through my hair.
I was more than ready,” Yes,” was all I could croak. I eagerly got in between her open legs. This much I knew what to do but floundered when I tried to put my cock into her pussy hole. This would have confirmed to her that I was a novice in this and still a virgin.
She came to my rescue. She lodged the tip of my prick at the entrance to her treasure hole and said,” now push it in but slowly .. you are big.”
As I slowly pushed down she pulled me to her. My full cock slid into her moist opening which tightly gripped my pole and just like that I was no more a virgin.
“Wow I feel like you are poking into my stomach Vikram sss…”
This felt so wonderful for me and I immediately started moving fast and aggressively.
“Wait .. wait …Vikram, stop,” she held me tight not letting me move. I stopped everything I was doing and looked at her face. I was scared I did something wrong.
“Sorry … did I do anything wrong?”
“Vikram do you have to go somewhere quickly?”
She asked me this so seriously that I answered her. “No .. why are you asking?”
“Then why your hurry? Don’t hurt the woman, make her enjoy.”
My over enthusiasm was because this was my first time but Sandhya guided me, slowing me down, encouraging me when to move faster even when I feel like I’m getting near making me stop moving my hips but making the arousal not subside by continuing to caress each other and exchange kisses before continuing to move. Not only that day but over the course of our relationship she taught me the ways to give pleasure to a woman.
Whatever said and done that first time I came before she did. Not knowing that and having experienced superb pleasure I enthusiastically asked her,” how was it for you Aunty? You enjoyed?”
She just smiled in response. Even at that time I could understand that she hadn’t reached her orgasm. I felt down and inadequate at that time. “Sorry aunty, you didn’t like it .. I couldn’t stop from finishing.”
Seeing my long face, she smiled kindly at me. “Who said I didn’t enjoy? Not reaching orgasm doesn’t mean a woman didn’t enjoy the sex. Don’t worry too much my dear boy.”
My disappointment was still evident on my face. She cuddled me lovingly and for me at that age I was ready to go again within five minutes. This time I was very happy when Sandhya suddenly grabbed my body hard as if wanting to crush me and moaned loudly. I realised she was having her orgasm. After that I felt a looseness in the grip of her pussy on my cock. I was so happy that I pumped hard and shot my load into her. That was the start of our intimate illicit relationship. In the next three years I had sex with Sandhya much more than her husband would have. She shaped me in things that became erotic for me. She would talk with her husband on the phone while having sex with me. For me at that time it made the sex very enjoyable. This was what I wanted to do later with the women I had sex with, what I want to do with Bavani too. Especially wives engaging in double meaning talk as I fuck their wives. After seeing a video of a man and woman having sex in a car I had asked her if we could do it. One night she asked me to come out when everyone was sleeping. She took me in her car to a remote place where we parked and letting the car engine run and the air conditioner on we got completely naked and had a wonderful romp in the car. The next day she said she had a big task in trying to clean the car seat as my sperm had leaked on to the seat. I don’t know if I would be able to fuck Bavani in Mohan’s car but I certainly planned to fuck Bavani in my car. She wanted to buy me expensive clothes and gifts but I refused because I won’t be able to explain that away to my parents. Instead she would take me to expensive hotels where she would book a room for us to enjoy ourselves and appease the hunger in our body before we would have food at the same hotel and appease the hunger of our stomachs. During that period my appetite for sex was completely taken care by her so much so I had no interest in any other women. Every type of sex I wanted she gave me. Showed me where to touch and caress a woman to give her pleasure. In short she made me the lover I became.
We had become so close during that time and it could be said that I was even a little in love with her. That day when she first picked me up, she had done it on an impulse. It was a spur of the moment thing. What had driven her to do this was her growing frustration with her husband who had been completely neglecting her. It had hurt her more because their marriage was a love marriage that they fought for against the wishes of their parents. Now after a few years of marriage they had completely grown apart. So, her husband was the reason for her to get close to me and paradoxically he was the reason for them to get close again and for her to break off her affair with me. Because of his heavy drinking habit, he had a stroke at the young age thirty-nine. That was when he became dependant on her. The love she used to have for him and which had been driven away deep into her came forth when she saw the helpless state he was in. He needed her even for simple tasks and she felt good to be needed again by her husband. They re-found the reason they fell in love the first time. The relationship of marriage was not dependant on sex alone though it played an important role. An important part is interdependence between the couple. Over time he recovered to a large extent physically mentally he was deeply affected. He came to know the value of his wife again and he started showing his love for her once more. She started reciprocating.
“Pity him Vikram, he needs me now,” she told me. As we had become close whenever she called me by name along with Vikram she would add darling , baby, dear boy etc but now it was just Vikram and I noticed that difference. “He really needs me now and I need to fully put my attention on taking care of him.”
Before her husband could have taken care of her sexual needs but for him drinking with friends gave him greater pleasure. She decided she would seek it elsewhere. Now he was not capable of engaging in sex (at least not yet) but she didn’t need that sex anymore, his display of love for her was more important to for her. That was when I came to know that the feeling of love was stronger than the need for sex. I also came to know that it was almost important to understand a woman. I got a new found respect for her and I did not want to cause any trouble in her life by insisting on continuing to have sex with her.
“Forgive me Vikram, at an impressionable age I used you for my own needs,” she said with regret and sadness in her voice. “I’m worried that I have led you down a wrong path and you will have wrong impression of women in general, only one thing I will tell you, keep in mind that not all women behave like me.”
Soon she left the city and moved on to her husband’s hometown. While she was here I had all the sexual pleasure I needed but now I started missing sex a lot. Though by now I was quite good in matters relating to sex I did not know anything on how to go about seducing a woman. Sandhya was the one who picked me up and seduced me but I didn’t know the first thing on how to get a woman. My first efforts in this were complete disasters. I’ve had women who gave me dirty (angry) looks, I’ve been scolded a few times when women realised what my intentions were. It was because after my experience with Sandhya I was drawn only towards married women. It was deeply imbedded in my mind that only they are very good in bed so I never made any approach to any girl my age though I was aware that there were some who had shown interest. There was one bad incident where I was beaten up by the woman’s husband and her brothers. That’s when I became withdrawn and very cautious. Over time I started learning on how to read the signals given out by women who are interested. Some were obvious ones when her eyes flutter when you are talking to her, or she crosses her legs while sitting and her knees point to you. Another thing was eye contact. She would look deep into your eyes when conversing that is what Bavani did. The other not so obvious ones were tossing or stroking her hair, caressing objects in her hand both of this Bavani did after she realised I was drooling after her. She stroked her hair in place where her braided hair was already in place and she unconsciously caressed the cups she was supposed to be cleaning. All these signals Bavani gave off gave me hope. So, after Sandhya I finally succeeded in seducing a woman after many efforts that led to failure. The truth was very few women were ready to stray in their marriage though maybe the number of women who were interested maybe more. I also learnt that though some women gave out signals they were interested they did not have the guts to go through with their desire. The first woman I had sex with after Sandhya reconfirmed in my mind that the best women to engage in sex with were married women who cheated. That woman who was cheating for the first time was very fearful and cautious fearing getting caught more than anything but once in the act of adulterous love itself she would display her full passion and be a very consummate lover.
She
Everything that had happened was just only like a dream. Did I behave in such a way I thought to myself not being able to believe how I could have been that bold. Now in the familiar surroundings of my own home the enormity of what I had done truly hit me. I had lost the most precious thing a woman has to a man who I had only just met on that day. I couldn’t believe I was capable of behaving in this manner. Truly I didn’t know about my own self … what I was capable of. How could I have faltered so easily? Was I such a cheap woman? That too I slept with a man younger than me, granted he was only two years younger than me. Was I so ready to succumb to a man’s seduction? I must have had some aching need in me that even I was not conscious of. All these thoughts came one after another to me but I still couldn’t get clarity on my state of being. In that different atmosphere in the wedding I had a new type of excitement, a thrill that I was being courted by a handsome young man. I took it as a compliment and let myself bask in that pleasant feeling. I didn’t think it would lead to anything so I thought it would cause no harm. Events moved more rapidly than I anticipated and events and emotions overwhelmed me. After that the immense pleasure that I had experienced with Vikram, the intense ecstasy of the orgasms that I experienced kept me in an unsettled state and easily be manipulated by my young lover who had been adept at creating the situations where he and I could experience the thrilling joy of illicit sex. At that time, I forgot everything. I forgot that I was married. I forgot that I was a loyal wife. I forgot that I was the mother of a child. All that mattered was the deliciously sinful sex. Now back in the familiar surroundings of my home reality has come crashing down on me. The enormity of my betrayal and the accompanying sense of guilt started weighing down on me. What had happened at the wedding was surreal, this was reality.
The next day after my husband and son had gone to work and school respectively I took an unusually very long bath. As if I was trying to wash away the sin from my body with the water. I even found it difficult to go into the pooja room. How am I to face the deities after what I had done. Wouldn’t the images of the deities scold me that I was a slut? I was in a very pensive mood. I sat on the sofa, lost within my own thoughts.
“Okay what are you going to do now Bavani?” I asked myself. “Knowing Vikram, he will somehow get your details and contact you, what will you do then?” “You have engaged in this sinful deed once (not exactly once .. a number of times but all within a short frame of time) or you going to continue to betray the trust of your husband?” “Is the pleasure of the body more important than anything else in life?” “Pity your husband, what you did was unfair to him … how are you going to make up for it for him?” The image of my husband’s face and Vikram’s face were fighting for dominance in my mind. Who was more important? .. the husband or the lover?
As if on cue I got the message alert tone. I dreaded to look at who it was from because in my mind I knew it could only be from one person. But there was no avoiding it. I had to look at it.
As I suspected the message was indeed from Vikram. “Hi darling , how are you … miss you so much.”
Seeing it caused a flutter in my heart but I forced restrain on myself. I had dodged a bullet then by not getting caught. If something like that had happened I would have probably hung myself in shame. What about my husband? If I had been caught in a compromising position with Vikram by any of our relatives what a scandal it would have been. How would my husband have been able to bear the humiliation? He would have to have faced deriding comments behind his back and maybe sometimes to his face itself. What if he took his own life because of this? What would have happened to my son? He would have been the brunt of everyone’s ridicule while growing. The legitimacy of his birth would have been subject to question. Lust at that time had made me do things unthinkingly but now I am facing cold reality. This is threading dangerous waters. I should give Vikram no encouragement. Yes, the sex had been unimaginably wonderful but that has to be the past from now on. I can’t jeopardize the well being of my marriage and family for the selfish reason of satisfying my base sexual needs. I chose to ignore it, chose not to respond to him in any way though my mind and my body reminded me of the pleasures that awaited me if I was only ready to relent a little in my resolve. (But I didn’t think of blocking his number, maybe deep inside I still wanted to be pursued) I needed time to get rid of this desire for him.
He kept messaging me a few times and when I still didn’t respond he started calling me on the phone. I knew that the call from the unknown number was from him. Several times my fingers itched to answer him. I fooled myself by saying to myself that I only wanted to attend the phone to tell him not to disturb me anymore. That was true too, he was disturbing my peace of mind and my resolve by the reminder of the heavenly joy I experienced with him. Luckily I was in the comforting surroundings of my own home and my resolve stood firm though it wobbled now and then. To stop myself from thinking of Vikram I would gaze upon the photo of my husband on the wall. But this caused another reaction within me. Seeing his kind face made the guilt I felt stronger. I had cheated him I had given to another man that which should be only his to enjoy. I made a resolution that I would make up for what I did by giving my husband pleasures he didn’t have from me before. In that way at least my guilt would lessen a bit. That evening when my husband returned from work there was a little reserve in his communication with me. The closeness we had before our trip for the wedding was now gone. This wasn’t anything to be surprised about. I was aware that my husband had his suspicions of the relationship between Vikram and me. He was especially suspicious of Vikram who did not try to hide from him that he was besotted with me. That someone as virile and handsome as Vikram wanted me so much was very pleasing for me at that time. I own sense of self worth and ego was boosted so much. But now I’m paying the price for it. A slight rift had formed between my husband and I. It would now be up to me to repair it. I knew my husband didn’t know that I and Vikram already had sex. He had his doubts but he was not sure. I knew this because if he had known there would have been cataclysmic crisis at home now. He is not the type to simply turn a blind eye to something like that. I know my husband and I know his tolerance level.
One thing was deep down he would want to believe that nothing had happened yet. That was the only thing that would allow him to continue to be with me now. I have to reinforce that belief within him. I had to earn back his complete trust. I should see to it that my little tryst with Vikram doesn’t harm the harmony of my family life. In a moment of weakness, I had let my desires take over but now that has to be firmly put in the past. That was because Vikram can only be a part of my past, there was no future with him. That night I myself sought to have sex with my husband but he didn’t seem to want to.
“Sorry Bavani, after the long trip back yesterday and the heavy work load in office of today I am a little tired.”
This was the first time he was rejecting me for sex. It showed the hurt he must be feeling. My heart welled with sympathy for him. I had … my behaviour had caused this. He had turned and sleeping showing his back to me. My remorse, pity and sympathy were disturbing me very much. I longed to hold him in my embrace and cuddle him hoping to wash the hurt away but he had shown his rejection of me by turning and showing his back to me. My emotions at that time were too strong just to simply let matters be as that.
I placed my hand on his shoulder and gently massaged him. “My poor dear, you’re so tired … rest darling, I’m always there for you.”
Maybe he didn’t want me to touch him at that time but he couldn’t just have pushed my hand away. He would have to explain himself then. The problem simmering inside would have to come out in the open. He was not ready for it and neither was I. Anyway, if he had confronted me I would have denied everything and would have also shown that I was upset with him for doubting me. He let me massage him. I was gentle and soothing in my massage. Slowly my massages turned to caresses. A woman can be very seductive when she wants to and there was nothing wrong in me wanting to seduce my own husband. I wanted to do it because he had suffered so much mentally for two days. Time for him to forget everything and lose himself in the pleasure I was going to give him. After a while he turned to face me. He looked deeply into my eyes. I was hoping he would only see the love I had for him in my eyes. (what transpired between Vikram and me was lust not love). We made love then. After two days of fornicating with a stranger I was now making love with my husband. He kissed me much longer than what we were usually used to when we had sex. I held him to my chest as he fondled and drank from my breasts. I caressed his face, kissed his head and cooed to him as suckled on my breasts. I kissed him all over his chest before teasing his nipples with my tongue and lips. I made him writhe and moan in pleasure as I wanted all his sufferings to be a thing of his past. For the first time he didn’t have to ask me, I myself took his penis in my mouth and very lovingly sucked it. I made sure I didn’t bring him quickly to the brink stopping and kissing around his groin before starting again. Finally, when he entered me I gave my body with as much passion as I could muster. My husband moved with a speed and strength he had not shown before. As my husband was moving in me I tried everything I could I in not wanting to think of Vikram at that moment. My concentration was so great in avoiding thinking of Vikram that I couldn’t immerse myself in the sex with my husband. When my husband had his orgasm I too moaned and hugged him tight pretending I too had an orgasm. Today it was important that my husband had a lot of pleasure. I was not upset or disappointed that I did not reach my climax. I kissed my husband lovingly after we had finished. I lay with my head on his chest as I tried to doze off.
“Please god, at least now give me the strength to resist all temptations and be true to my husband,” I prayed silently.
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