Adult/Dirty/Sex Jokes

[pastispresent]

Funny One Liners (from Pakalu Papito)

My mind is like internet browser, at least 19 tabs open, 3 are frozen and i have no idea where the music is coming from.

.....

if i blocked you on social media and you see me in the streets, the block still applies in real life.

....
i love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, 


because i’m still looking for ideas.

....

on mercury a day lasts 1,408 hours. just like every Monday does on earth.

....

i’m not lazy, i’m on power savings mode.

.....

when i die I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his taxi.


....

life is a soup and I’m a fork.

....

my mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth.


but unfortunately earth is round.

.....

at the end of each day life should ask us:


do you want to save the changes?

.....

life’s too short to remove the usb drive safely.

....

being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

....

it takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 muscles to smile.

but it doesn't take any to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

.....

people say i act like i don't care.

it's not an act.

.....

8 planets

204 countries

809 islands

7 seas

6,000,000,000+ people
and I'm single.

.....
sometimes i wish i was an octopus, so i could slap eight people at once.

.....

before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet service to see who they really are.

.....
don't break someone's heart, they have only one.


break their bones, they have 206 of them

....
the only exercise I done last month was running out of money

.....


if i got a dollar for every time i thought about you, i would start thinking about you


....


my secret talent is getting tired without doing anything

....


I have abs...........olutely nothing

.....

anyone know if there's a career in being a piece of shit

.....


life tip: if nothing goes right go to sleep

.....

“you wear that shirt a lot" yes because i own it


.....

r u the sun? because u need to stay about 92,960,000 miles away from me


.....

*enters ugly contest* 


judge: sorry, no professionals

.....

r u a software update because not now


......