25-06-2020, 01:40 PM
Episode 17
We arrived at a 5-star hotel where my husband’s company had arranged the dinner. His boss had booked a small hall for the function. Food was to be in buffet style. There was cocktails, wine and juice available as refreshments. Tables were arranged for the diners. The employees and their spouses, of the company my husband works for, were talking in small groups. There were cocktails in the hands of many of the men while’s most women were having juices except for a few women who were having wine. No one had started eating as yet.
My husband’s boss and his wife were standing at one side of the hall. His boss looked to be in his mid-fifties. Anyone seeing him would have the feeling that he was a pleasant man. My husband had told me before, that is before all this mess, that his boss was a good man to work for. People who worked directly under his supervision especially knew that. His wife had the same kind look. She should be around 2 to 3 years younger than him. There were some senior managers milling around and talking to them. His boss noticed us as we were coming in and he gestured to my husband to join him. I was in no mind to engage in small talk, so I wandered away and looked for a table that had on one sitting there yet and went and sat there. I really wanted to be alone.
As I casually looked around, I spied Gauri standing in a small group of people. She was actually looking at me at that time. My face flushed on seeing her. This bitch, the one who had ruined my life was standing there. The anger came flooding into me and I felt like walking up to her and slapping her there and then. Something I had not done when I caught her with my husband. Even then, my anger would not have been quenched. What stopped me was that the shame then would have been not only for her but also for my husband and me. What was known just to the three of us would become public knowledge to everyone in the company. My action would raise the question as to the reason for my anger towards her. The scandal that had been hidden would be exposed to everyone in the company and my husband would be ashamed in front of everyone. Of course, my deed privately had already shamed my husband. In fact, I have given my husband the worst possible humiliation. I had let his friend take my chastity. Not in some covert way but I indulged in that obscene, uncouth behaviour right before his very eyes. I realised that I had not only demeaned my husband, I had in fact demeaned myself by my rage.
However, my anger towards Gauri still burnt within me. I had difficulty suppressing my anger as long as she was within my sight. I turned to the other direction not wanting to see her. It was then that I realized that the boss's wife was watching me. She had a small smile on his face. She left from the group that she was in. I was flustered when I realised that she was coming towards me. Did she notice my expression of hate and anger when I was looking at Gauri I wondered fearfully. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone but I knew that if the boss’s wife wants to talk to me then it is going to be unavoidable. When she came up to me, I stood up respectfully.
"Sit down .. please sit down," she said, pulling up a chair and sitting down.
I too had no choice but to sit down beside her.
"Are you Swetha, Mahesh's wife?"
"Yes madam," I said.
"Forgive me for calling you by name like that. I hope you will indulge a woman older than you are in allowing me that." She smiled pleasantly as she said this.
There was no way that I could object no matter whatever way my husband’s boss’s wife addresses me but I liked the way she asked me that even if we both realised that my answer can only be ‘yes’.
"It's okay madam," you have every right to call me like that. (No need to call me formally as Mrs. Mahesh.)
She laughed and said, "There is no such thing as having any right, I am just using my age and my husband’s position shamelessly. I don't like speaking very formally,” she said conspiratorially with a smile. “You too, don’t call me madam, it makes me feel old, my name is Gautami, just call me that."
I gave a diffident smile in return. "Yes madam .. sorry Gautami."
"That's a good girl," she patted me on my knee but there was only friendliness and no condescending gesture in that.
It was very difficult to hold her eyes face to face. Behind that pleasant, almost motherly demeanour, there was a very sharp intelligent woman. I believe very little escaped her. I had to be very careful not to reveal that my relationship with my husband was in trouble. I try to keep my face as normal as possible.
"You have come so many times before, but I have not had the opportunity to meet you. I’m so glad to finally get to talk to you. Mahesh is very lucky my dear, you look lovely.” Saying this she turned to look at my husband talking to hers.
She turned back to me and said, “You two make a lovely couple.”
What she says is true. My husband’s company has small gatherings like this two or three times a year and I have attended a few of them but I have never had the opportunity to meet her before. My husband’s company was one that was a rapidly progressing young company.
"It's I who should be glad to meet you mada… Gautami,” I caught myself from addressing her as Madam again.
Gautami clasped my hands in her and said, "My husband thinks very highly about your Mahesh. He has remarked to me several times that, to paraphrase him, 'one of the brightest young managers we have.'”
Not knowing what to say to this I just kept silent. Normally I should have been happy and proud to have heard this but I was in too much of an emotional agitation to react in any positive way.
"You must be very proud of your husband."
My mind was in turmoil but I had to carry on a normal conversation here, that too about my husband. I forcibly brought a smile to my face. We were talking together for some time. I tried my utmost not to reveal about my inner struggles but she may have suspected or got an intuition that there were some problems.
She gave me her name card. When I looked at that I realised that she in her own right was in a very senior position in another company. “Think of me as your friend Swetha. Call me anytime on any matter or even just to chat.” Saying this she left me and went to talk with some others.
I gave a big sigh of relief after she left. I don’t know how I would have managed if she had continued to talk some more. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took some deep breaths to calm myself. I was completely startled when I opened my eyes. Gauri was standing next to me. I was infuriated, thinking what was this whore doing here.
“Please Mrs. Mahesh, can I talk to you for a bit.”
On seeing her, the only thing that came to my mind was that of naked images of she and my husband having sex, and that too in my own bedroom.
"What is there to speak to you, you’ve ruined my life" I said a little louder than I intended to.
Realising that, I became alarmed if my voice had carried far and if anyone else had been drawn to noticing us. I looked around but luckily nobody was paying any mind to us.
"Sorry if I just keep standing like this anyone seeing me may get some doubt as to what was going on," the bitch said and without waiting for my reply sat at the same table with me.
I could not tolerate her being close to me but if I suddenly got up and left it may draw unwanted attention towards us. I had no choice but to sit there.
"I know you're very angry at me."
That was an absolutely redundant statement. You are sure right about that you bitch I thought to myself.
"Please listen to me for just five minutes, and I will never bother you again after that," she said.
Bother? You have been more than that. You had practically destroyed my marriage and my family and now you are saying you won’t bother me after this, I thought to myself. Anyway, let’s see what you have to say though I didn’t think it would make any difference to me.
"First of all, I would like to apologize to you, even though I know that what I have done is an unforgivable act.
I listened to her with disgust. You did it anyway knowing all this didn’t you I thought to myself.
"There is no forgiveness for me for destroying the peace in your life, I know that."
What was this slut expecting? That I will forget everything and say ‘I forgive you’? You seduced my husband .. the man I thought belonged to me .. only to me. I was seething inside.
“But it's all my fault, none of it was Mahesh’s fault.”
Now I turned to her angrily and said, "What, did he tell you to speak to me on his behalf?”
On her face was mixture of sadness and consternation.
"No, Mahesh did not tell me anything. In fact, he has not even spoken to me since that day."
She looked directly at my face as she said this. She did not flinch away from my piercing gaze. It became evident to me that she was telling the truth.
"Whatever happened still happened didn’t it. He did it knowing full well he was betraying my trust in him."
Even as I said this the thought that I too had done the same wrong thing was disturbing me in one corner of my mind.
"I'm the reason for everything that happened. I know how bad he felt that he had betrayed you," she said. Her eyes had reddened as tears welled in her eyes.
"I and my husband were having problems. Those were our problems so no one else should have come into it. The guilt that I had unnecessarily pulled Mahesh into it and thereby ruined your happy marriage is tearing me apart.”
It looked like she would cry there itself. Seeing her genuine pain, I started to feel a little bit of sympathy for her in spite of myself.
“Mahesh always made every effort to avoid me, it was I who relentlessly pursued him.”
Hearing this I got even more angry at her. I said very slowly, but in a biting voice, "There are so many men around, unmarried men too but you had to go after my husband?”
"The reason for that is both my self centeredness and Mahesh."
Hearing her say that, I stared at her face angrily.
"You first said he is not to blame for the affair but now you agree that he is also at fault ," I was fuming.
"He was not at fault for the reason you think," she said.
I looked at her vexed. What the hell was she trying to say.
"Mahesh always treats women with dignity. He never leers at women. He doesn't hit on other women or tries to seduce anyone at our workplace even though I know there are some women who would readily fall for him if he had wanted them."
I was digesting what she was saying. My Mahesh (yes in my mind he was always my Mahesh) had always behaved the way I knew he would with other women. Then why with Gauri. I looked at her really properly now. Now with all her make up on, she was indeed a good looking woman, but was she in any way better than me? I know that upon finding out about my husband’s affair, it had created a feeling of reduced self-worth within me. It had raised within me doubts about my own adequacy as a woman. Maybe it was part of the reason I wanted to prove myself with another man. If I can make a womaniser like Shiva go crazy about me then there was nothing wrong with me, no inadequacy within me.
She looked directly at my face as she spoke. I listened to her in silence.
"He was honourable, he was handsome and he was trustable. That's why I chose him."
She stopped me when I opened my mouth to retort angrily.
"Please I know your anger is justified but first let me tell you what I want to."
I closed my mouth again without saying anything.
“I was a married woman. If I had an affair with just about any other man, especially as you suggested to a bachelor, he would probably be boasting about his conquests to all his friends. That indiscretion could have destroyed my life.” Having said this, she struggled in silence for a few seconds to control her emotions.
“Even if you had pursued him, he should have thought about me,” I said.
The reasons she says may be justifiable on her side, but this cannot be an excuse for my husband’s failing.
"True, but how long can a man resist a woman who is continuously throwing herself at him?" "Even then, Mahesh did not entertain my wishes in anyway. I had to use a woman's final weapon to make him give in."
She took a deep breath and continued.
“One day I wept to Mahesh, my body heaving in sorrow, that rather than living this torturous life it would be better off for me to die.”
“As I expected Mahesh placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. I was waiting for this, I immediately hugged him, and started raining kisses on his face.”
Gauri avoided looking at my face now as she spoke.
“Even then, he pushed me away and advised me that what I was doing was very wrong.”
“I didn’t pay any attention to what he said, I hugged him again, caressing his body and pleaded with him to give at least a little bit of happiness in my life.”
“You know, even then he did not want to do the wrong thing. I cajoled, cried, threatened to harm myself and kept throwing myself at him. Even then he kept rejecting me. This went on for several weeks. My frequent bouts of sorrow and crying finally resulted in him relenting. Even then it was more in sympathy then in desire.”
As Gauri described how she used all her feminine wiles to seduce my husband, my blood was boiling listening to her.
As if realising my feelings Gauri said,” I know how hurt and furious you must be to hear this now. I swear to you, honestly, the great pain my behaviour of that time, is causing me now cannot be described in words.”
“One thing I can assure you Mrs. Mahesh is that he loves you deeply. I know how much he suffered in guilt that he was not being true to you.”
“After the first time he avoided me altogether but I created the sympathy for my plight and did not let him be. I knew his weakness was that he was soft hearted and I used that.”
Gauri wiped a bit of tears from her eyes. “There was more sympathy than lust in your husband’s brief affair with me. Even that day was to be the last sexual liaison between us, Mahesh agreed to my plea of having one final time together only on that condition that it was to be the last. That was only the third and final time we had sex together.”
Gauri now looked at me and said,” In that two-month period it was only the third time we had sex should tell you that how much I had to beg and cajole him to have sex with him. Any other man in his position would be the one initiating the sexual encounters.”
I was at a loss on what to say now. She had just told me how she had relentlessly pursued my husband and had achieved what she had desired. My husband is still feeling guilty for giving in. Therein maybe the reason for his silence after so much has happened since.
“The thought that my selfish actions had caused such huge problems to a good person like Mahesh and his family, is really tearing me apart. I just don’t know how to atone for it.” Gauri sounded deeply remorceful.
“Look over there,” Gauri pointed out a man, “that is my husband.”
“I have told him now what I should have told him then,” she said.
I looked at her astounded.
Seeing my look she said,” no .. no.. I didn’t tell him about my affair with Mahesh. I don’t have the guts to do it. Moreover, it would serve nothing else but to hurt him.”
“Then what do you mean,” I asked.
“I made the effort to openly talk to him about my dissatisfaction. Luckily, he reacted much better than I expected. We are now in counselling. Our sex life is improving.”
Yes, your life is improving mine is destroyed I thought to myself.
She looked at my face with empathy. She echoed the very thing I was thinking.
"My life is getting better but your life ruined. My conscience punishes me for that every day." Gauri took an handkerchief and wiped away the tears threating to break free from her eyes.
"I decided that I have to make an effort to resolve the problem that I started. I hope that you and Mahesh would someday find it in your hearts to forgive me for all the wrong I have done to the both of you."
After saying this Gauri got up and quickly walked away, not even turning back to have a last look. I was starring at the floor in deep sorrow. Sadness was choking me. I was afraid I would burst out crying anytime. I got up and quickly walked, almost blindly, in search of the lady’s washroom. On going inside all the emotions that I had held back came bursting out. I wept, in pain and sorrow. Luckily there was no one else there to see my misery. After I got a modicum of control over my feelings, I looked in the mirror at my tears strewn face. Wasn’t it the arrogance of the beauty of this face that had led me to behave so horribly, I lamented to myself.
I looked at my red lips. Lips that so many men had admired. Weren’t these the lips that was sucked by Shiva, was wrapped around his manhood, which smiled with desire at that scoundrel. When I saw my lips now there was nothing attractive in it now, rather they seemed rather ugly to me. I washed my face before going back in. Now there was very little makeup left on my face.
As I sat at the table a familiar voice greeted me,” Hi, Swetha, how are you?”
I turned to look at the direction of the voice, it my husband’s friend Mahen, he who had taken care of Mahesh when he was sick, before our marriage. I forced a smile on to my face.
“Hi, how are you?”
“I saw you sitting all alone. Mahesh is stuck with the boss, it’s going to be difficult for him excuse himself from there,” he said smiling.
We talked for a while then he suddenly became serious. “Is anything wrong between the two of you, or is Mahesh having any problems. He seems to be very dull and morose for sometime now.”
“No, nothing like that,” I said not trying to reveal anything.
“You know I am there for the both of you, Mahesh is like a brother to me,” he said genuinely.
The one good thing was that Shiva was not of a high enough position in the company to get invited to this function. Him also being here would have been intolerable. Seeing the concern Mahen had for my husband I could see now the difference between a true friend and a rogue like Shiva. This was a realisation that had come a little too late. How the rest of the evening went was a blur to me. Somehow, I made through it and got back home. As we drove back home, I longed to hold my husband’s hands in mine but my behaviour of the past two days had taken away that privilege from me from doing it. I sat silently as my husband drove back home after picking up my son.
We arrived at a 5-star hotel where my husband’s company had arranged the dinner. His boss had booked a small hall for the function. Food was to be in buffet style. There was cocktails, wine and juice available as refreshments. Tables were arranged for the diners. The employees and their spouses, of the company my husband works for, were talking in small groups. There were cocktails in the hands of many of the men while’s most women were having juices except for a few women who were having wine. No one had started eating as yet.
My husband’s boss and his wife were standing at one side of the hall. His boss looked to be in his mid-fifties. Anyone seeing him would have the feeling that he was a pleasant man. My husband had told me before, that is before all this mess, that his boss was a good man to work for. People who worked directly under his supervision especially knew that. His wife had the same kind look. She should be around 2 to 3 years younger than him. There were some senior managers milling around and talking to them. His boss noticed us as we were coming in and he gestured to my husband to join him. I was in no mind to engage in small talk, so I wandered away and looked for a table that had on one sitting there yet and went and sat there. I really wanted to be alone.
As I casually looked around, I spied Gauri standing in a small group of people. She was actually looking at me at that time. My face flushed on seeing her. This bitch, the one who had ruined my life was standing there. The anger came flooding into me and I felt like walking up to her and slapping her there and then. Something I had not done when I caught her with my husband. Even then, my anger would not have been quenched. What stopped me was that the shame then would have been not only for her but also for my husband and me. What was known just to the three of us would become public knowledge to everyone in the company. My action would raise the question as to the reason for my anger towards her. The scandal that had been hidden would be exposed to everyone in the company and my husband would be ashamed in front of everyone. Of course, my deed privately had already shamed my husband. In fact, I have given my husband the worst possible humiliation. I had let his friend take my chastity. Not in some covert way but I indulged in that obscene, uncouth behaviour right before his very eyes. I realised that I had not only demeaned my husband, I had in fact demeaned myself by my rage.
However, my anger towards Gauri still burnt within me. I had difficulty suppressing my anger as long as she was within my sight. I turned to the other direction not wanting to see her. It was then that I realized that the boss's wife was watching me. She had a small smile on his face. She left from the group that she was in. I was flustered when I realised that she was coming towards me. Did she notice my expression of hate and anger when I was looking at Gauri I wondered fearfully. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone but I knew that if the boss’s wife wants to talk to me then it is going to be unavoidable. When she came up to me, I stood up respectfully.
"Sit down .. please sit down," she said, pulling up a chair and sitting down.
I too had no choice but to sit down beside her.
"Are you Swetha, Mahesh's wife?"
"Yes madam," I said.
"Forgive me for calling you by name like that. I hope you will indulge a woman older than you are in allowing me that." She smiled pleasantly as she said this.
There was no way that I could object no matter whatever way my husband’s boss’s wife addresses me but I liked the way she asked me that even if we both realised that my answer can only be ‘yes’.
"It's okay madam," you have every right to call me like that. (No need to call me formally as Mrs. Mahesh.)
She laughed and said, "There is no such thing as having any right, I am just using my age and my husband’s position shamelessly. I don't like speaking very formally,” she said conspiratorially with a smile. “You too, don’t call me madam, it makes me feel old, my name is Gautami, just call me that."
I gave a diffident smile in return. "Yes madam .. sorry Gautami."
"That's a good girl," she patted me on my knee but there was only friendliness and no condescending gesture in that.
It was very difficult to hold her eyes face to face. Behind that pleasant, almost motherly demeanour, there was a very sharp intelligent woman. I believe very little escaped her. I had to be very careful not to reveal that my relationship with my husband was in trouble. I try to keep my face as normal as possible.
"You have come so many times before, but I have not had the opportunity to meet you. I’m so glad to finally get to talk to you. Mahesh is very lucky my dear, you look lovely.” Saying this she turned to look at my husband talking to hers.
She turned back to me and said, “You two make a lovely couple.”
What she says is true. My husband’s company has small gatherings like this two or three times a year and I have attended a few of them but I have never had the opportunity to meet her before. My husband’s company was one that was a rapidly progressing young company.
"It's I who should be glad to meet you mada… Gautami,” I caught myself from addressing her as Madam again.
Gautami clasped my hands in her and said, "My husband thinks very highly about your Mahesh. He has remarked to me several times that, to paraphrase him, 'one of the brightest young managers we have.'”
Not knowing what to say to this I just kept silent. Normally I should have been happy and proud to have heard this but I was in too much of an emotional agitation to react in any positive way.
"You must be very proud of your husband."
My mind was in turmoil but I had to carry on a normal conversation here, that too about my husband. I forcibly brought a smile to my face. We were talking together for some time. I tried my utmost not to reveal about my inner struggles but she may have suspected or got an intuition that there were some problems.
She gave me her name card. When I looked at that I realised that she in her own right was in a very senior position in another company. “Think of me as your friend Swetha. Call me anytime on any matter or even just to chat.” Saying this she left me and went to talk with some others.
I gave a big sigh of relief after she left. I don’t know how I would have managed if she had continued to talk some more. I closed my eyes for a few seconds and took some deep breaths to calm myself. I was completely startled when I opened my eyes. Gauri was standing next to me. I was infuriated, thinking what was this whore doing here.
“Please Mrs. Mahesh, can I talk to you for a bit.”
On seeing her, the only thing that came to my mind was that of naked images of she and my husband having sex, and that too in my own bedroom.
"What is there to speak to you, you’ve ruined my life" I said a little louder than I intended to.
Realising that, I became alarmed if my voice had carried far and if anyone else had been drawn to noticing us. I looked around but luckily nobody was paying any mind to us.
"Sorry if I just keep standing like this anyone seeing me may get some doubt as to what was going on," the bitch said and without waiting for my reply sat at the same table with me.
I could not tolerate her being close to me but if I suddenly got up and left it may draw unwanted attention towards us. I had no choice but to sit there.
"I know you're very angry at me."
That was an absolutely redundant statement. You are sure right about that you bitch I thought to myself.
"Please listen to me for just five minutes, and I will never bother you again after that," she said.
Bother? You have been more than that. You had practically destroyed my marriage and my family and now you are saying you won’t bother me after this, I thought to myself. Anyway, let’s see what you have to say though I didn’t think it would make any difference to me.
"First of all, I would like to apologize to you, even though I know that what I have done is an unforgivable act.
I listened to her with disgust. You did it anyway knowing all this didn’t you I thought to myself.
"There is no forgiveness for me for destroying the peace in your life, I know that."
What was this slut expecting? That I will forget everything and say ‘I forgive you’? You seduced my husband .. the man I thought belonged to me .. only to me. I was seething inside.
“But it's all my fault, none of it was Mahesh’s fault.”
Now I turned to her angrily and said, "What, did he tell you to speak to me on his behalf?”
On her face was mixture of sadness and consternation.
"No, Mahesh did not tell me anything. In fact, he has not even spoken to me since that day."
She looked directly at my face as she said this. She did not flinch away from my piercing gaze. It became evident to me that she was telling the truth.
"Whatever happened still happened didn’t it. He did it knowing full well he was betraying my trust in him."
Even as I said this the thought that I too had done the same wrong thing was disturbing me in one corner of my mind.
"I'm the reason for everything that happened. I know how bad he felt that he had betrayed you," she said. Her eyes had reddened as tears welled in her eyes.
"I and my husband were having problems. Those were our problems so no one else should have come into it. The guilt that I had unnecessarily pulled Mahesh into it and thereby ruined your happy marriage is tearing me apart.”
It looked like she would cry there itself. Seeing her genuine pain, I started to feel a little bit of sympathy for her in spite of myself.
“Mahesh always made every effort to avoid me, it was I who relentlessly pursued him.”
Hearing this I got even more angry at her. I said very slowly, but in a biting voice, "There are so many men around, unmarried men too but you had to go after my husband?”
"The reason for that is both my self centeredness and Mahesh."
Hearing her say that, I stared at her face angrily.
"You first said he is not to blame for the affair but now you agree that he is also at fault ," I was fuming.
"He was not at fault for the reason you think," she said.
I looked at her vexed. What the hell was she trying to say.
"Mahesh always treats women with dignity. He never leers at women. He doesn't hit on other women or tries to seduce anyone at our workplace even though I know there are some women who would readily fall for him if he had wanted them."
I was digesting what she was saying. My Mahesh (yes in my mind he was always my Mahesh) had always behaved the way I knew he would with other women. Then why with Gauri. I looked at her really properly now. Now with all her make up on, she was indeed a good looking woman, but was she in any way better than me? I know that upon finding out about my husband’s affair, it had created a feeling of reduced self-worth within me. It had raised within me doubts about my own adequacy as a woman. Maybe it was part of the reason I wanted to prove myself with another man. If I can make a womaniser like Shiva go crazy about me then there was nothing wrong with me, no inadequacy within me.
She looked directly at my face as she spoke. I listened to her in silence.
"He was honourable, he was handsome and he was trustable. That's why I chose him."
She stopped me when I opened my mouth to retort angrily.
"Please I know your anger is justified but first let me tell you what I want to."
I closed my mouth again without saying anything.
“I was a married woman. If I had an affair with just about any other man, especially as you suggested to a bachelor, he would probably be boasting about his conquests to all his friends. That indiscretion could have destroyed my life.” Having said this, she struggled in silence for a few seconds to control her emotions.
“Even if you had pursued him, he should have thought about me,” I said.
The reasons she says may be justifiable on her side, but this cannot be an excuse for my husband’s failing.
"True, but how long can a man resist a woman who is continuously throwing herself at him?" "Even then, Mahesh did not entertain my wishes in anyway. I had to use a woman's final weapon to make him give in."
She took a deep breath and continued.
“One day I wept to Mahesh, my body heaving in sorrow, that rather than living this torturous life it would be better off for me to die.”
“As I expected Mahesh placed a sympathetic hand on my shoulder. I was waiting for this, I immediately hugged him, and started raining kisses on his face.”
Gauri avoided looking at my face now as she spoke.
“Even then, he pushed me away and advised me that what I was doing was very wrong.”
“I didn’t pay any attention to what he said, I hugged him again, caressing his body and pleaded with him to give at least a little bit of happiness in my life.”
“You know, even then he did not want to do the wrong thing. I cajoled, cried, threatened to harm myself and kept throwing myself at him. Even then he kept rejecting me. This went on for several weeks. My frequent bouts of sorrow and crying finally resulted in him relenting. Even then it was more in sympathy then in desire.”
As Gauri described how she used all her feminine wiles to seduce my husband, my blood was boiling listening to her.
As if realising my feelings Gauri said,” I know how hurt and furious you must be to hear this now. I swear to you, honestly, the great pain my behaviour of that time, is causing me now cannot be described in words.”
“One thing I can assure you Mrs. Mahesh is that he loves you deeply. I know how much he suffered in guilt that he was not being true to you.”
“After the first time he avoided me altogether but I created the sympathy for my plight and did not let him be. I knew his weakness was that he was soft hearted and I used that.”
Gauri wiped a bit of tears from her eyes. “There was more sympathy than lust in your husband’s brief affair with me. Even that day was to be the last sexual liaison between us, Mahesh agreed to my plea of having one final time together only on that condition that it was to be the last. That was only the third and final time we had sex together.”
Gauri now looked at me and said,” In that two-month period it was only the third time we had sex should tell you that how much I had to beg and cajole him to have sex with him. Any other man in his position would be the one initiating the sexual encounters.”
I was at a loss on what to say now. She had just told me how she had relentlessly pursued my husband and had achieved what she had desired. My husband is still feeling guilty for giving in. Therein maybe the reason for his silence after so much has happened since.
“The thought that my selfish actions had caused such huge problems to a good person like Mahesh and his family, is really tearing me apart. I just don’t know how to atone for it.” Gauri sounded deeply remorceful.
“Look over there,” Gauri pointed out a man, “that is my husband.”
“I have told him now what I should have told him then,” she said.
I looked at her astounded.
Seeing my look she said,” no .. no.. I didn’t tell him about my affair with Mahesh. I don’t have the guts to do it. Moreover, it would serve nothing else but to hurt him.”
“Then what do you mean,” I asked.
“I made the effort to openly talk to him about my dissatisfaction. Luckily, he reacted much better than I expected. We are now in counselling. Our sex life is improving.”
Yes, your life is improving mine is destroyed I thought to myself.
She looked at my face with empathy. She echoed the very thing I was thinking.
"My life is getting better but your life ruined. My conscience punishes me for that every day." Gauri took an handkerchief and wiped away the tears threating to break free from her eyes.
"I decided that I have to make an effort to resolve the problem that I started. I hope that you and Mahesh would someday find it in your hearts to forgive me for all the wrong I have done to the both of you."
After saying this Gauri got up and quickly walked away, not even turning back to have a last look. I was starring at the floor in deep sorrow. Sadness was choking me. I was afraid I would burst out crying anytime. I got up and quickly walked, almost blindly, in search of the lady’s washroom. On going inside all the emotions that I had held back came bursting out. I wept, in pain and sorrow. Luckily there was no one else there to see my misery. After I got a modicum of control over my feelings, I looked in the mirror at my tears strewn face. Wasn’t it the arrogance of the beauty of this face that had led me to behave so horribly, I lamented to myself.
I looked at my red lips. Lips that so many men had admired. Weren’t these the lips that was sucked by Shiva, was wrapped around his manhood, which smiled with desire at that scoundrel. When I saw my lips now there was nothing attractive in it now, rather they seemed rather ugly to me. I washed my face before going back in. Now there was very little makeup left on my face.
As I sat at the table a familiar voice greeted me,” Hi, Swetha, how are you?”
I turned to look at the direction of the voice, it my husband’s friend Mahen, he who had taken care of Mahesh when he was sick, before our marriage. I forced a smile on to my face.
“Hi, how are you?”
“I saw you sitting all alone. Mahesh is stuck with the boss, it’s going to be difficult for him excuse himself from there,” he said smiling.
We talked for a while then he suddenly became serious. “Is anything wrong between the two of you, or is Mahesh having any problems. He seems to be very dull and morose for sometime now.”
“No, nothing like that,” I said not trying to reveal anything.
“You know I am there for the both of you, Mahesh is like a brother to me,” he said genuinely.
The one good thing was that Shiva was not of a high enough position in the company to get invited to this function. Him also being here would have been intolerable. Seeing the concern Mahen had for my husband I could see now the difference between a true friend and a rogue like Shiva. This was a realisation that had come a little too late. How the rest of the evening went was a blur to me. Somehow, I made through it and got back home. As we drove back home, I longed to hold my husband’s hands in mine but my behaviour of the past two days had taken away that privilege from me from doing it. I sat silently as my husband drove back home after picking up my son.
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