21-04-2020, 08:19 PM
Gomathi turned to look at her husband first whose face seemed to have brightened on hearing Saravanan say those words. She observed her husband’s reaction and then turned back once more to look at Saravanan’s face. How could she not differentiate the two men’s reaction on this. It perfectly reflected the moral fortitude and character of the two men. She reflected to herself on how much her husband had argued against her taking this decision but she had been forthright in letting him know that he did not have any ethical standing to object to her wish.
“Your words once again prove that I was not wrong in wanting you to be the father of my child. You don’t have vengeance in your heart, you did not jump at the opportunity to sleep with another woman when no one or nothing could have stopped you. Which better man can a woman chose?”
‘Look Gomathi, I have already told you the reason why I am not going to do as you wish, why waste your time talking further,” Saravanan said, exasperated that Gomathi was still adamant in wanting her way.
“I understand what you have said and I respect your wishes but there is something else you should consider. You may change your mind then.”
Saravanan was getting irritated. He normally would not want to be rude to anyone but Gomathi was stretching his patience a lot.
“What is there to consider. I don’t think anything would change my mind, so please let’s leave that topic.”
Gomathi was not going to be put off by Saravanan’s tone. “I need to talk to you in private and I will let you know why.”
“What more is there to say, you can say whatever you want to me here itself, though I can’t see what difference it would make whatever you may say.”
God, this man is so stubborn Gomathi thought to herself. She felt like telling him to shut up and just drag him to the bedroom. However, all she did was got up and walked up to Saravanan. Meera looked at Gomathi, her heart beating fast, maybe even a little fearful of what she was going to do. Prabu seemed to have stopped breathing his eyes open wide watching his wife. Gomathi walked right up to Saravanan who a little alarmed stuttered back. The back of his legs hitting the single sofa on which he had been sitting stopped him from going any further back. Gomathi almost laughed seeing this.
“Please don’t move, I’m not going to do anything. I just want to say something to you.”
Saravanan too felt foolish at the way he had reacted. Here in the middle of the hall in his own house, what could Gomathi have done especially with his wife and her husband being there. Gomathi leaned her head to the side of his head and whispered something in his ears. Saravanan’s eyes narrowed in a frown. He seemed to be considering what Gomathi had said to him. Gomathi did not wait for Saravanan, she started walking to dining hall without looking back. Meera was looking at Gomathi walking away, her mouth slightly agape at Gomathi’s actions. Prabu on the other hand was looking at Saravanan. He seemed more anxious to see what Saravanan’s reaction was going to be. Maybe he knew about and feared his wife’s persuasive ability.
Saravanan stood there for a few seconds. He was contemplating his next action. Gomathi walking away like that was like a fait accompli leaving him no option but to follow her. He hesitated but felt it would be rude to just let Gomathi stand there without him doing as she asked. Besides it would do no harm to listen to her especially regarding what she whispered in his ear. Saravanan slowly started walking towards where Gomathi was standing, waiting for him. Prabu’s strength seemed to leave him as his shoulders slumped on seeing what was happening. Meera on the other hand was actually flabbergasted not knowing what to make of what was happening. Meera took great effort not to look at Prabu. She really had no desire to see that face anymore.
Gomathi was saying something to Saravanan. Saravanan at first nodded to what Gomathi said but he shook his head vehemently to say no to what Gomathi was saying. They were talking very earnestly but softly so that the two of them who were sitting in the hall could not hear what was being said. Gomathi seemed to be insistently saying something but Saravanan seemed to be opposed to what she was saying by the expression on his face and the way he was shaking his head. The conversation seemed to be going on for a long time but was in fact going on for only ten minutes. Suddenly Gomathi seemed to have struck on something that had made Saravanan think again. This was seen by the way he suddenly became still and the concentration on his face listening to what Gomathi was saying.
Gomathi too realised she had found the key to break Saravanan’s resistance to her proposal. She seemed to be keenly pursuing those lines in her arguments. Saravanan was not speaking so much now and was listening more intently. He also seemed to be thinking deeply at what was being said. Gomathi seemed to be silent for a few seconds after she says something as if giving Saravanan time to absorb what was said as well as reflect on the merit of what was being said. She would then speak some more before letting Saravanan reflect on that too. Saravanan’s body language seemed to admit defeat. Even though he still seemed to put out some arguments but they seemed to be half hearted now. Finally he seemed only to be listening to what Gomathi was saying, nodding a little now and then. He seemed to take a deep breath, sigh and then say something to Gomathi. This time it was Gomathi who shook her head in acceptance but it was clear that she had prevailed in the argument by the look of satisfaction on her face.
They both then walked back to the hall. Gomathi’s steps were confident and sure. Saravanan was reluctantly walking back. His face still reflected the dilemma within him. For the first time he avoided looking at Meera. He seemed to feel uncomfortable doing that. For that matter he did not look at Prabu either. Gomathi went straight to her husband and said something softly. He opened his mouth as if wanting to argue but then shut it up again and just nodded to Gomathi. Meera’s heart was racing. She now knew what was the outcome in the argument between her husband and Prabu’s wife. She could understand her own feelings as there were two directly opposing emotions that she felt at the same time.
There was elation that her husband was finally getting justice. In her heart she finally felt that he too was winning and not always being the victim of others wrong doing. A great pang of pain seemed to be lifted from her heart. That both she and Prabu would feel the pain in return for the agony caused to her husband was a big solace to her. The guilt was still there but it didn’t hurt as much. However, at the same time she felt another kind of pain. One she had never experienced before. For the first time she experienced a sense of jealousy on someone else sharing what was always only hers. That hurt, it didn’t feel good at all.
Saravanan walked to the center of the hall and stood there, strangely lost in his own home. Gomathi moved away from her husband and walked up to him. Gomathi looked at him meaningfully. Saravanan seemed to be dazed for a while then as if coming to his senses nodded to Gomathi and walked to his bedroom. He carefully avoided looking at anyone else in the room. Being unfaithful to his wife was such an agonising step for him though he was not being unfaithful in the strict understanding of that word. Even in that case doing something like this was alien to his nature. However, it was not possible to understand what was motivating Gomathi. She seemed to relish what she was doing. What was actually driving her. Was it the possibility of becoming a mother of her own child for the first time. Or did her husband cheating on her was a greater hurt than what she let out to be. Unlike Saravanan, was the motive of revenge that was driving her. Or more likely it was a mixture of the two. Or it could be something no one else had thought off. On learning what had happened to Saravanan and how he suffered may have deeply affected her conscience and she may have developed a lot of empathy for him.
Gomathi started walking behind Saravanan. Prabu glanced at her but then turned his head back just as quickly as if being unable to bear the sight. He had gone into that room so many times to have sex with Saravanan’s wife. It was always with glee, with a arrogant smile on his face that the wife of his friend would soon be lying there naked in her bed waiting to offer her voluptuous body to him for his pleasure. Now the shoe was on the other foot. His wife was walking into that same bedroom. Soon she too would be lying there naked for his friend to have his pleasure with her. He was feeling sick inside. There was an additional factor here. They were going to make love so that his friend can impregnate his wife, something that god had deprived him of being able to do. Perhaps as a punishment for his own lack of morals.
He had sex with Meera many times without using protection. He had avoided it as much as he could because he wanted the added pleasure of skin on skin rather than the protective rubber which reduced the pleasurable sensation. Contracting any sexual disease was not an issue as he was not having sex with anyone other than Meera at that time and she too was not a wanton woman who was sleeping around. He was just her second man after her husband and Saravanan was a faithful husband who did not have sex with anyone other than his wife. Meera too had not insisted he use a condom all the time. In moments of passion they had forgotten everything else. Not only did he misuse the advantage of friendship for his immoral seduction of his friends wife, he may have even secretly wanted to impregnate her as that would have totally established his dominance as an alpha male. He had thought it was only by sheer luck Meera had not got pregnant. He was only to learn later than he was incapable of fathering a child.
Learning that fact had upset him immensely at first but he soon learnt to reconcile with that fact as there was nothing that could be done about it. Apart from not being able to father a child it did not diminish his prowess in making love to a woman and fully satisfying her. He looked at Meera, she seemed to have a look of sadness on her face as she saw his wife going into the bedroom with her husband. Was she also feeling the same way he is, Prabu wondered. She had avoided looking at him totally. She had lost a lot of weight and looked haggard. The skin that once was so smooth seemed to be lined and wrinkled. One had to look for the underlying beauty that was once there, but it was not very evident now.
Meera sat as far away from him as possible noted Prabu. She clearly did not want to have anything to do with him anymore. This was the paradox in this type of relationships. As it was usual at the end of these sort of illicit affairs there is a resentment by the woman at the man who had seduced her. It was usually the man who would make all sorts of efforts to covet what is not his. They exploit any weaknesses to achieve their aim. Vulnerability is exploited till they achieve their goal. When the affair ends, there is resentment on the part of the women. She would come to realise and feel that she had been taken advantage off because the seducers aim is almost always not to start a family with seduced woman but to enjoy the thrill and pleasure from an adulterous relationship. For the man’s primary aim is his own pleasure. When the man is a skilful lover the woman too gets to partake in the pleasures but resentment sets in only when the affair is over. Realisation comes that they were exploited for the lover’s own selfish desires. The lover would not have much concern on the detrimental effects it would have on her family. Part of that resentment reflected against the ex-lover is their resentment against themselves. Their weakness that allowed themselves to be exploited. Their resentment against themselves for the harm and betrayal of their family. Very rarely do lovers in an adulterous relationship part on amicable terms.
Prabu placed the sleeping child on the sofa and got up. He slowly walked towards Meera. He wanted to talk to her maybe even do something more in revenge as her husband was surely going to have sex with his wife soon. In his own selfishness he did not seem to realise that this should not be anything about revenge but payback for his callous betrayal of strong bond of friendship. Hearing the sound of his approaching feet Meera looked up directly at Prabu for the first time. Her eyes were searing coals of fire. Her resentment against him was clearly evident those eyes. It clearly indicated how she considered him to be a despicable human being. He was taken aback as her look made him stop in his tracks. These were not the eyes he was used to. Not the eyes which had looked at him with naked desire and lust. These eyes would burn a hole directly through him. He came to realise fully now that things would never be like before ever again. He quietly went back and sat beside his sleeping child.
There were some sounds of movements in the room. Gomathi who had gone in after Saravanan had not fully closed the door. It was very slightly ajar. Had she done it inadvertently or on purpose. If on purpose, why? Was there a great resentment within her on how her husband had betrayed her. There were sounds of kissing. Then Saravanan’s voice can be faintly heard.
“What’s this, no, no this is not necessary. Let’s just finish this as soon as possible.” It looked like Gomathi was the one who had initiated the kisses.
There were some indistinct noises. Words spoken that couldn’t be distinguished. There was a creaking of the bed. Saravanan’s voice was quite clearly heard as he spoke louder probably in alarm.
“What are you doing .. why are you going there .. not there .. no no..Humm..mmm…”
Meera felt a stab of intense pain in her heart. Gomathi was doing something that she had not done for her husband. Her husband was experiencing the pleasure a woman’s mouth could give not from her but from another woman. In her mistaken belief of decent behaviour she had denied her husband this pleasure. Something made her look at Prabu at that time. He had his hands on his face as if not bearing to listen to what was happening in the room. There were sounds of passion coming from the room, mostly from a woman. Had she ever displayed her feelings like this Meera thought in despair but another woman is freely expressing what she always sought to supress. This added on to the agony she was already feeling.
She once again glanced at Prabu. This time he had his hands covering his ears as if not wanting to hear what was happening in the room. He seemed to not be able to bear it anymore. He quickly got up and walked to the front door. He opened it and stepped outside. Seeing the level of discomfort Prabu was in was like a soothing balm to the hurt that she was feeling. Has he walked away completely she wondered. No, he was still there. She could see his shadow in the pathway of the door. She too wanted to close her ears but she somehow needed to hear what was going on. She thought it was imperative that she had to undergo the same pain her husband had. It was after more than half an hour before Gomathi came out. Her face was bright and there was a look of satisfaction on her face. Was it because of the sex or because of her sense of revenge, Meera did not know. She smiled at Meera, picked up her child.
“I will be back tomorrow,” she said, as she left with the child.
Prabu did not come back in again. Meera could hear their vehicle leave. She could hear her husband taking bath. When he came out, he was finding it difficult to look at Meera. Even though he did not do anything behind her back and also, she having no right to be upset about it, he nevertheless was feeling guilty for what he had done. He attempted to say something but thought better of it and remained silent. Meera wanted to ease his feeling of unease and went to the kitchen. In any case the children would be back soon and she needed to have dinner ready for them and her husband. Out of her husband’s sight her suppressed emotions poured out. Silent tears fell from her eyes. This is how the pain of betrayal felt. In this case it can’t even be strictly termed as betrayal yet it caused this agony within her. Then how much more her adultery must have caused to her beloved husband.
Gomathi came the next day and the day after that too. Meera later learnt that these were her fertile days. She had pre-planned everything and chosen the right time to be back here in town. That would have meant she had made Prabu acquiesce to her decision knowing fully well the outcome that it would bring. It took Saravanan several days before he could talk to Meera freely like before. This made Meera reflect how much more easily she had hidden her betrayal to her husband while he felt so guilty even when everything was done in the open.
Dr. Arul called Saravanan aside after about four sessions after Gomathi and Prabu’s visit to their home.
“Saravanan, I am pleased, she is a bit more open now. She is attempting to communicate her feelings, though she still has that inbuilt resistance to overcome.”
About a month later Gomathi and Prabu came back to Saravanan’s home. This time Prabu left Gomathi and went away saying he would be back in an hour. This time they did not bring their child with them. Saravanan was upset. Looked like Gomathi had not got pregnant and was back. He had thought that that ordeal was behind him. He felt it not right sleeping with another woman even though it was strictly on the understanding of making the woman pregnant and had no emotional attachments whatsoever.
“Sorry, we have to do this again,” Gomathi said to Meera before she pulled a reluctant Saravanan to the bedroom.
This time Meera shut herself in away in another room from the sounds of their lovemaking. She too couldn’t bear to hear the sounds of pleasure from Gomathi in the same way that Prabu couldn’t. This time their sexual union took longer. It was almost an hour before she heard Gomathi calling for her. She really did not want to see Gomathi’s face but Meera had no choice but to come out.
Gomathi took Meera’s hands in her and pulled her in to sit on the sofa. She made Saravanan sit beside Meera. Gomathi looked at both of them with fondness.
“Meera, you must surely be aware that your husband is a very decent and good human being and that you are lucky to have him.”
Meera nodded at Gomathi because it was all so true.
“You should also know that he loves you very much.”
It was the first time that Meera then spoke, “I know, but why?? I don’t deserve that love.”
“Meera akka, you cannot always explain why one person loves another. Many a times this defies logic because it has nothing to do with that and everything to do with emotions.”
Meera took a quick glance at the stoic face of her husband sitting beside her.
“You know that your husband refused what I was asking. Did you wonder what made him change his mind?”
Meera did wonder that, it was very evident from the look on her face.
“He agreed to it only for your sake and nothing else.”
“How so,” Meera asked softly though a feeling of elation surged through her on hearing that even this very act was only for her.
“I noticed how your health has deteriorated. I need not be a doctor to guess that it had a lot to do with your great feeling of guilt. I sensed I was on the right track when your husband arguments against me losing it’s strength when I argued on this point.”
Did he mention to her that he is taking me to see a psychiatric doctor thought Meera to herself.
“Your husband maybe of a noble soul who does not want to seek revenge, but I convinced him how your feeling of injustice done to him would not be appeased unless there was some sort of payback for himself.”
Gomathi was no doctor but as a woman, she had put herself in another woman’s place and sort of surmised how another woman would feel.
“Even then your husband was not convinced. I told him that if this gave even a small chance of your wife getting back her emotional balance would he not want to take it.”
“I knew deep within you, you needed him to get his revenge even if it did not matter to him. I also realised apart from wanting to bear a child, I too needed a bit of revenge for my husband’s betrayal of me.”
After all that she had done, her husband’s only motive to sleep with another woman is that it may help me, thought Meera proudly about her husband.
“One more thing Meera, I am already pregnant but today was just to thank your husband. I’m very sorry for that. I won’t interfere in your life after this .. also by the way your husband didn’t know too that I was pregnant,” Gomathi said with a smile seeing the shock on Saravanan’s face.
Meera again glanced at her husband and even she too gave a small smile on seeing her husband’s reaction.
The following months went quickly. As the time neared for Gomathi’s pregnancy to come to term, it was Meera who seemed more anxious. She herself asked her husband to find out about Gomathi’s position every once in a while. It was as if she herself was pregnant. She was also making much better progress with Dr. Arul though she still could not behave as a normal wife to Saravanan. She still shied away from his touch. However she actually started gaining a little weight.
Saravanan told her one day, “I just got news, Gomathi has got a baby boy.”
Meera was ecstatic, “Really?? When was he born? How is the child? Is everything okay?”
This was the most she had spoken to Saravanan in a long time.
“Wow .. wow.. wait .. one at a time. The child was born yesterday,” Saravanan couldn’t get himself to say ‘my child’. “Both mother and child are fine.”
“Should we not go and visit them,” first time Meera herself was asking for something after a long time.
Though he didn’t like to disappoint her Saravanan didn’t want to do that. “I don’t think that would be a good idea,” he said noting the disappointment in her face.
For that month Meera would often think to herself. ‘How is the child?’ “Who would he look like?’ ‘My husband?? Gomathi??’ ‘It will be a month in a few days.’ Her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Gomathi’s son begot from her husband. She longed to see the child. One day her wishes were fulfilled. It was about four months after the child was born. Saravanan, Meera and the children were at home when they heard a sound of a car stopping at their porch. Saravanan went and opened the door. It was an unfamiliar car and he wondered who it would be. He was pleasantly surprised to see Gomathi and Prabu get out of the car. Prabu must have bought a new car Saravanan thought. Prabu held his elder daughter by her hands and Gomathi was carrying his child. Yes his child, deep down he too wanted to see the child.
As they entered the house and as Meera saw them, she quickly, almost ran to Gomathi, her face all smiles. Meera took the child from Gomathi’s hands and was cooing to the child and kissing it every now and then. It was as if it was her own child.
“See your brother, see how cute he is,” Meera said showing the child to her children who had surrounded her.
It was a norm to call even unrelated children as brother, sister etc but her children did not know how much of truth there was in this instance. They spoke for a while, by they .. Saravanan, Gomathi and Prabu spoke. Meera was busy cooing to the child. Prabu and Gomathi refused Saravanan’s offer of any beverage. They had just come to show them the child.
Prabu and Saravanan went aside to speak for a moment.
“Saravanan, I want to tell you how truly sorry I am for causing you all that agony. Even though I had apologised to you before after my father forbade me to see your wife again, the sorrow at that time was more turmoil caused in my family and the guilt caused by the discovery of the affair. I didn’t really realise the pain that I had caused you.”
“Why bring back the past Prabu. Nothing to be gained by it. Let bygones be bygones.”
“No Saravana I have to get this off my chest for my own sake. You know I realised how you must have felt only when my own wife was in your bedroom with you. What searing pain it was. Hearing her moans were terrible agony. I couldn’t take it and walked out.”
Prabu’s face was sombre as he related that painful episode in his life.
“You know at that time I hated you, I hated my wife. I felt consumed by anger. I actually could not get myself to talk with my wife for many days after that.”
Prabu sighed. “Gomathi made me realise that if this incident had caused me so much of humiliation and agony then think what your actions would have done to you. I had actively pursued your wife to seduce her. What right have I to be resentful at what had happened. It bluntly showed me how despicable my own behaviour was. Saravanan, please please forgive me, I know I don’t deserve forgiveness but I don’t know what else to do.”
“We can’t change the past Prabu, just be true to your wife henceforth.”
“Yes, Saravana, the old Prabu is dead. I promise you that I will take care of the child as my own son. That is the only way I can atone for what I did.”
Prabu and Gomathi left the house after spending an hour there. Saravanan and Meera stood in the doorway waving them goodbye as they drove away. At that time Saravanan’s hand accidently touched Meera’s hand. Meera did not move her hand away as she usually did. Saravanan was surprised. He moved his hand so that the back of his hand touched the back of hers again. Meera’s hand was still. Saravanan slowly entwined his fingers around hers. Meera’s breathing stopped for a moment. She hesitated but slowly closed her fingers over his.
There was a surge of happiness in Saravanan’s heart. It had been a long arduous journey on the way to redemption of his wife and by extension his family. There were dark days and there seemed no way back. For the first time there was a small light at the end of the tunnel. There was still a very long way to go. The days ahead would be difficult with many obstacles to pass but now he could look forward to it with hope. Finally he could get back the family he had lost.
The end.
“Your words once again prove that I was not wrong in wanting you to be the father of my child. You don’t have vengeance in your heart, you did not jump at the opportunity to sleep with another woman when no one or nothing could have stopped you. Which better man can a woman chose?”
‘Look Gomathi, I have already told you the reason why I am not going to do as you wish, why waste your time talking further,” Saravanan said, exasperated that Gomathi was still adamant in wanting her way.
“I understand what you have said and I respect your wishes but there is something else you should consider. You may change your mind then.”
Saravanan was getting irritated. He normally would not want to be rude to anyone but Gomathi was stretching his patience a lot.
“What is there to consider. I don’t think anything would change my mind, so please let’s leave that topic.”
Gomathi was not going to be put off by Saravanan’s tone. “I need to talk to you in private and I will let you know why.”
“What more is there to say, you can say whatever you want to me here itself, though I can’t see what difference it would make whatever you may say.”
God, this man is so stubborn Gomathi thought to herself. She felt like telling him to shut up and just drag him to the bedroom. However, all she did was got up and walked up to Saravanan. Meera looked at Gomathi, her heart beating fast, maybe even a little fearful of what she was going to do. Prabu seemed to have stopped breathing his eyes open wide watching his wife. Gomathi walked right up to Saravanan who a little alarmed stuttered back. The back of his legs hitting the single sofa on which he had been sitting stopped him from going any further back. Gomathi almost laughed seeing this.
“Please don’t move, I’m not going to do anything. I just want to say something to you.”
Saravanan too felt foolish at the way he had reacted. Here in the middle of the hall in his own house, what could Gomathi have done especially with his wife and her husband being there. Gomathi leaned her head to the side of his head and whispered something in his ears. Saravanan’s eyes narrowed in a frown. He seemed to be considering what Gomathi had said to him. Gomathi did not wait for Saravanan, she started walking to dining hall without looking back. Meera was looking at Gomathi walking away, her mouth slightly agape at Gomathi’s actions. Prabu on the other hand was looking at Saravanan. He seemed more anxious to see what Saravanan’s reaction was going to be. Maybe he knew about and feared his wife’s persuasive ability.
Saravanan stood there for a few seconds. He was contemplating his next action. Gomathi walking away like that was like a fait accompli leaving him no option but to follow her. He hesitated but felt it would be rude to just let Gomathi stand there without him doing as she asked. Besides it would do no harm to listen to her especially regarding what she whispered in his ear. Saravanan slowly started walking towards where Gomathi was standing, waiting for him. Prabu’s strength seemed to leave him as his shoulders slumped on seeing what was happening. Meera on the other hand was actually flabbergasted not knowing what to make of what was happening. Meera took great effort not to look at Prabu. She really had no desire to see that face anymore.
Gomathi was saying something to Saravanan. Saravanan at first nodded to what Gomathi said but he shook his head vehemently to say no to what Gomathi was saying. They were talking very earnestly but softly so that the two of them who were sitting in the hall could not hear what was being said. Gomathi seemed to be insistently saying something but Saravanan seemed to be opposed to what she was saying by the expression on his face and the way he was shaking his head. The conversation seemed to be going on for a long time but was in fact going on for only ten minutes. Suddenly Gomathi seemed to have struck on something that had made Saravanan think again. This was seen by the way he suddenly became still and the concentration on his face listening to what Gomathi was saying.
Gomathi too realised she had found the key to break Saravanan’s resistance to her proposal. She seemed to be keenly pursuing those lines in her arguments. Saravanan was not speaking so much now and was listening more intently. He also seemed to be thinking deeply at what was being said. Gomathi seemed to be silent for a few seconds after she says something as if giving Saravanan time to absorb what was said as well as reflect on the merit of what was being said. She would then speak some more before letting Saravanan reflect on that too. Saravanan’s body language seemed to admit defeat. Even though he still seemed to put out some arguments but they seemed to be half hearted now. Finally he seemed only to be listening to what Gomathi was saying, nodding a little now and then. He seemed to take a deep breath, sigh and then say something to Gomathi. This time it was Gomathi who shook her head in acceptance but it was clear that she had prevailed in the argument by the look of satisfaction on her face.
They both then walked back to the hall. Gomathi’s steps were confident and sure. Saravanan was reluctantly walking back. His face still reflected the dilemma within him. For the first time he avoided looking at Meera. He seemed to feel uncomfortable doing that. For that matter he did not look at Prabu either. Gomathi went straight to her husband and said something softly. He opened his mouth as if wanting to argue but then shut it up again and just nodded to Gomathi. Meera’s heart was racing. She now knew what was the outcome in the argument between her husband and Prabu’s wife. She could understand her own feelings as there were two directly opposing emotions that she felt at the same time.
There was elation that her husband was finally getting justice. In her heart she finally felt that he too was winning and not always being the victim of others wrong doing. A great pang of pain seemed to be lifted from her heart. That both she and Prabu would feel the pain in return for the agony caused to her husband was a big solace to her. The guilt was still there but it didn’t hurt as much. However, at the same time she felt another kind of pain. One she had never experienced before. For the first time she experienced a sense of jealousy on someone else sharing what was always only hers. That hurt, it didn’t feel good at all.
Saravanan walked to the center of the hall and stood there, strangely lost in his own home. Gomathi moved away from her husband and walked up to him. Gomathi looked at him meaningfully. Saravanan seemed to be dazed for a while then as if coming to his senses nodded to Gomathi and walked to his bedroom. He carefully avoided looking at anyone else in the room. Being unfaithful to his wife was such an agonising step for him though he was not being unfaithful in the strict understanding of that word. Even in that case doing something like this was alien to his nature. However, it was not possible to understand what was motivating Gomathi. She seemed to relish what she was doing. What was actually driving her. Was it the possibility of becoming a mother of her own child for the first time. Or did her husband cheating on her was a greater hurt than what she let out to be. Unlike Saravanan, was the motive of revenge that was driving her. Or more likely it was a mixture of the two. Or it could be something no one else had thought off. On learning what had happened to Saravanan and how he suffered may have deeply affected her conscience and she may have developed a lot of empathy for him.
Gomathi started walking behind Saravanan. Prabu glanced at her but then turned his head back just as quickly as if being unable to bear the sight. He had gone into that room so many times to have sex with Saravanan’s wife. It was always with glee, with a arrogant smile on his face that the wife of his friend would soon be lying there naked in her bed waiting to offer her voluptuous body to him for his pleasure. Now the shoe was on the other foot. His wife was walking into that same bedroom. Soon she too would be lying there naked for his friend to have his pleasure with her. He was feeling sick inside. There was an additional factor here. They were going to make love so that his friend can impregnate his wife, something that god had deprived him of being able to do. Perhaps as a punishment for his own lack of morals.
He had sex with Meera many times without using protection. He had avoided it as much as he could because he wanted the added pleasure of skin on skin rather than the protective rubber which reduced the pleasurable sensation. Contracting any sexual disease was not an issue as he was not having sex with anyone other than Meera at that time and she too was not a wanton woman who was sleeping around. He was just her second man after her husband and Saravanan was a faithful husband who did not have sex with anyone other than his wife. Meera too had not insisted he use a condom all the time. In moments of passion they had forgotten everything else. Not only did he misuse the advantage of friendship for his immoral seduction of his friends wife, he may have even secretly wanted to impregnate her as that would have totally established his dominance as an alpha male. He had thought it was only by sheer luck Meera had not got pregnant. He was only to learn later than he was incapable of fathering a child.
Learning that fact had upset him immensely at first but he soon learnt to reconcile with that fact as there was nothing that could be done about it. Apart from not being able to father a child it did not diminish his prowess in making love to a woman and fully satisfying her. He looked at Meera, she seemed to have a look of sadness on her face as she saw his wife going into the bedroom with her husband. Was she also feeling the same way he is, Prabu wondered. She had avoided looking at him totally. She had lost a lot of weight and looked haggard. The skin that once was so smooth seemed to be lined and wrinkled. One had to look for the underlying beauty that was once there, but it was not very evident now.
Meera sat as far away from him as possible noted Prabu. She clearly did not want to have anything to do with him anymore. This was the paradox in this type of relationships. As it was usual at the end of these sort of illicit affairs there is a resentment by the woman at the man who had seduced her. It was usually the man who would make all sorts of efforts to covet what is not his. They exploit any weaknesses to achieve their aim. Vulnerability is exploited till they achieve their goal. When the affair ends, there is resentment on the part of the women. She would come to realise and feel that she had been taken advantage off because the seducers aim is almost always not to start a family with seduced woman but to enjoy the thrill and pleasure from an adulterous relationship. For the man’s primary aim is his own pleasure. When the man is a skilful lover the woman too gets to partake in the pleasures but resentment sets in only when the affair is over. Realisation comes that they were exploited for the lover’s own selfish desires. The lover would not have much concern on the detrimental effects it would have on her family. Part of that resentment reflected against the ex-lover is their resentment against themselves. Their weakness that allowed themselves to be exploited. Their resentment against themselves for the harm and betrayal of their family. Very rarely do lovers in an adulterous relationship part on amicable terms.
Prabu placed the sleeping child on the sofa and got up. He slowly walked towards Meera. He wanted to talk to her maybe even do something more in revenge as her husband was surely going to have sex with his wife soon. In his own selfishness he did not seem to realise that this should not be anything about revenge but payback for his callous betrayal of strong bond of friendship. Hearing the sound of his approaching feet Meera looked up directly at Prabu for the first time. Her eyes were searing coals of fire. Her resentment against him was clearly evident those eyes. It clearly indicated how she considered him to be a despicable human being. He was taken aback as her look made him stop in his tracks. These were not the eyes he was used to. Not the eyes which had looked at him with naked desire and lust. These eyes would burn a hole directly through him. He came to realise fully now that things would never be like before ever again. He quietly went back and sat beside his sleeping child.
There were some sounds of movements in the room. Gomathi who had gone in after Saravanan had not fully closed the door. It was very slightly ajar. Had she done it inadvertently or on purpose. If on purpose, why? Was there a great resentment within her on how her husband had betrayed her. There were sounds of kissing. Then Saravanan’s voice can be faintly heard.
“What’s this, no, no this is not necessary. Let’s just finish this as soon as possible.” It looked like Gomathi was the one who had initiated the kisses.
There were some indistinct noises. Words spoken that couldn’t be distinguished. There was a creaking of the bed. Saravanan’s voice was quite clearly heard as he spoke louder probably in alarm.
“What are you doing .. why are you going there .. not there .. no no..Humm..mmm…”
Meera felt a stab of intense pain in her heart. Gomathi was doing something that she had not done for her husband. Her husband was experiencing the pleasure a woman’s mouth could give not from her but from another woman. In her mistaken belief of decent behaviour she had denied her husband this pleasure. Something made her look at Prabu at that time. He had his hands on his face as if not bearing to listen to what was happening in the room. There were sounds of passion coming from the room, mostly from a woman. Had she ever displayed her feelings like this Meera thought in despair but another woman is freely expressing what she always sought to supress. This added on to the agony she was already feeling.
She once again glanced at Prabu. This time he had his hands covering his ears as if not wanting to hear what was happening in the room. He seemed to not be able to bear it anymore. He quickly got up and walked to the front door. He opened it and stepped outside. Seeing the level of discomfort Prabu was in was like a soothing balm to the hurt that she was feeling. Has he walked away completely she wondered. No, he was still there. She could see his shadow in the pathway of the door. She too wanted to close her ears but she somehow needed to hear what was going on. She thought it was imperative that she had to undergo the same pain her husband had. It was after more than half an hour before Gomathi came out. Her face was bright and there was a look of satisfaction on her face. Was it because of the sex or because of her sense of revenge, Meera did not know. She smiled at Meera, picked up her child.
“I will be back tomorrow,” she said, as she left with the child.
Prabu did not come back in again. Meera could hear their vehicle leave. She could hear her husband taking bath. When he came out, he was finding it difficult to look at Meera. Even though he did not do anything behind her back and also, she having no right to be upset about it, he nevertheless was feeling guilty for what he had done. He attempted to say something but thought better of it and remained silent. Meera wanted to ease his feeling of unease and went to the kitchen. In any case the children would be back soon and she needed to have dinner ready for them and her husband. Out of her husband’s sight her suppressed emotions poured out. Silent tears fell from her eyes. This is how the pain of betrayal felt. In this case it can’t even be strictly termed as betrayal yet it caused this agony within her. Then how much more her adultery must have caused to her beloved husband.
Gomathi came the next day and the day after that too. Meera later learnt that these were her fertile days. She had pre-planned everything and chosen the right time to be back here in town. That would have meant she had made Prabu acquiesce to her decision knowing fully well the outcome that it would bring. It took Saravanan several days before he could talk to Meera freely like before. This made Meera reflect how much more easily she had hidden her betrayal to her husband while he felt so guilty even when everything was done in the open.
Dr. Arul called Saravanan aside after about four sessions after Gomathi and Prabu’s visit to their home.
“Saravanan, I am pleased, she is a bit more open now. She is attempting to communicate her feelings, though she still has that inbuilt resistance to overcome.”
About a month later Gomathi and Prabu came back to Saravanan’s home. This time Prabu left Gomathi and went away saying he would be back in an hour. This time they did not bring their child with them. Saravanan was upset. Looked like Gomathi had not got pregnant and was back. He had thought that that ordeal was behind him. He felt it not right sleeping with another woman even though it was strictly on the understanding of making the woman pregnant and had no emotional attachments whatsoever.
“Sorry, we have to do this again,” Gomathi said to Meera before she pulled a reluctant Saravanan to the bedroom.
This time Meera shut herself in away in another room from the sounds of their lovemaking. She too couldn’t bear to hear the sounds of pleasure from Gomathi in the same way that Prabu couldn’t. This time their sexual union took longer. It was almost an hour before she heard Gomathi calling for her. She really did not want to see Gomathi’s face but Meera had no choice but to come out.
Gomathi took Meera’s hands in her and pulled her in to sit on the sofa. She made Saravanan sit beside Meera. Gomathi looked at both of them with fondness.
“Meera, you must surely be aware that your husband is a very decent and good human being and that you are lucky to have him.”
Meera nodded at Gomathi because it was all so true.
“You should also know that he loves you very much.”
It was the first time that Meera then spoke, “I know, but why?? I don’t deserve that love.”
“Meera akka, you cannot always explain why one person loves another. Many a times this defies logic because it has nothing to do with that and everything to do with emotions.”
Meera took a quick glance at the stoic face of her husband sitting beside her.
“You know that your husband refused what I was asking. Did you wonder what made him change his mind?”
Meera did wonder that, it was very evident from the look on her face.
“He agreed to it only for your sake and nothing else.”
“How so,” Meera asked softly though a feeling of elation surged through her on hearing that even this very act was only for her.
“I noticed how your health has deteriorated. I need not be a doctor to guess that it had a lot to do with your great feeling of guilt. I sensed I was on the right track when your husband arguments against me losing it’s strength when I argued on this point.”
Did he mention to her that he is taking me to see a psychiatric doctor thought Meera to herself.
“Your husband maybe of a noble soul who does not want to seek revenge, but I convinced him how your feeling of injustice done to him would not be appeased unless there was some sort of payback for himself.”
Gomathi was no doctor but as a woman, she had put herself in another woman’s place and sort of surmised how another woman would feel.
“Even then your husband was not convinced. I told him that if this gave even a small chance of your wife getting back her emotional balance would he not want to take it.”
“I knew deep within you, you needed him to get his revenge even if it did not matter to him. I also realised apart from wanting to bear a child, I too needed a bit of revenge for my husband’s betrayal of me.”
After all that she had done, her husband’s only motive to sleep with another woman is that it may help me, thought Meera proudly about her husband.
“One more thing Meera, I am already pregnant but today was just to thank your husband. I’m very sorry for that. I won’t interfere in your life after this .. also by the way your husband didn’t know too that I was pregnant,” Gomathi said with a smile seeing the shock on Saravanan’s face.
Meera again glanced at her husband and even she too gave a small smile on seeing her husband’s reaction.
The following months went quickly. As the time neared for Gomathi’s pregnancy to come to term, it was Meera who seemed more anxious. She herself asked her husband to find out about Gomathi’s position every once in a while. It was as if she herself was pregnant. She was also making much better progress with Dr. Arul though she still could not behave as a normal wife to Saravanan. She still shied away from his touch. However she actually started gaining a little weight.
Saravanan told her one day, “I just got news, Gomathi has got a baby boy.”
Meera was ecstatic, “Really?? When was he born? How is the child? Is everything okay?”
This was the most she had spoken to Saravanan in a long time.
“Wow .. wow.. wait .. one at a time. The child was born yesterday,” Saravanan couldn’t get himself to say ‘my child’. “Both mother and child are fine.”
“Should we not go and visit them,” first time Meera herself was asking for something after a long time.
Though he didn’t like to disappoint her Saravanan didn’t want to do that. “I don’t think that would be a good idea,” he said noting the disappointment in her face.
For that month Meera would often think to herself. ‘How is the child?’ “Who would he look like?’ ‘My husband?? Gomathi??’ ‘It will be a month in a few days.’ Her mind was preoccupied with thoughts of Gomathi’s son begot from her husband. She longed to see the child. One day her wishes were fulfilled. It was about four months after the child was born. Saravanan, Meera and the children were at home when they heard a sound of a car stopping at their porch. Saravanan went and opened the door. It was an unfamiliar car and he wondered who it would be. He was pleasantly surprised to see Gomathi and Prabu get out of the car. Prabu must have bought a new car Saravanan thought. Prabu held his elder daughter by her hands and Gomathi was carrying his child. Yes his child, deep down he too wanted to see the child.
As they entered the house and as Meera saw them, she quickly, almost ran to Gomathi, her face all smiles. Meera took the child from Gomathi’s hands and was cooing to the child and kissing it every now and then. It was as if it was her own child.
“See your brother, see how cute he is,” Meera said showing the child to her children who had surrounded her.
It was a norm to call even unrelated children as brother, sister etc but her children did not know how much of truth there was in this instance. They spoke for a while, by they .. Saravanan, Gomathi and Prabu spoke. Meera was busy cooing to the child. Prabu and Gomathi refused Saravanan’s offer of any beverage. They had just come to show them the child.
Prabu and Saravanan went aside to speak for a moment.
“Saravanan, I want to tell you how truly sorry I am for causing you all that agony. Even though I had apologised to you before after my father forbade me to see your wife again, the sorrow at that time was more turmoil caused in my family and the guilt caused by the discovery of the affair. I didn’t really realise the pain that I had caused you.”
“Why bring back the past Prabu. Nothing to be gained by it. Let bygones be bygones.”
“No Saravana I have to get this off my chest for my own sake. You know I realised how you must have felt only when my own wife was in your bedroom with you. What searing pain it was. Hearing her moans were terrible agony. I couldn’t take it and walked out.”
Prabu’s face was sombre as he related that painful episode in his life.
“You know at that time I hated you, I hated my wife. I felt consumed by anger. I actually could not get myself to talk with my wife for many days after that.”
Prabu sighed. “Gomathi made me realise that if this incident had caused me so much of humiliation and agony then think what your actions would have done to you. I had actively pursued your wife to seduce her. What right have I to be resentful at what had happened. It bluntly showed me how despicable my own behaviour was. Saravanan, please please forgive me, I know I don’t deserve forgiveness but I don’t know what else to do.”
“We can’t change the past Prabu, just be true to your wife henceforth.”
“Yes, Saravana, the old Prabu is dead. I promise you that I will take care of the child as my own son. That is the only way I can atone for what I did.”
Prabu and Gomathi left the house after spending an hour there. Saravanan and Meera stood in the doorway waving them goodbye as they drove away. At that time Saravanan’s hand accidently touched Meera’s hand. Meera did not move her hand away as she usually did. Saravanan was surprised. He moved his hand so that the back of his hand touched the back of hers again. Meera’s hand was still. Saravanan slowly entwined his fingers around hers. Meera’s breathing stopped for a moment. She hesitated but slowly closed her fingers over his.
There was a surge of happiness in Saravanan’s heart. It had been a long arduous journey on the way to redemption of his wife and by extension his family. There were dark days and there seemed no way back. For the first time there was a small light at the end of the tunnel. There was still a very long way to go. The days ahead would be difficult with many obstacles to pass but now he could look forward to it with hope. Finally he could get back the family he had lost.
The end.
![[+]](https://xossipy.com/themes/sharepoint/collapse_collapsed.png)