27-11-2018, 01:35 PM
Chapter 44
"Why do you want to see me fuck around, Krish? What kind of husband are you?"
Meera had questioned me an year ago, the day she had left my life. The day she found out I had slept with another woman.
I had learnt a lot since then, a lot of lessons to be precise, despite being clueless about the most important ones.
As I saw Meera's call on the phone, there was an obvious surge of thoughts and impressions in my mind on what could be the reason behind that late night call.
It was actually an opportunity. An opportunity to confront her, that how leaving me had helped her. I had a big question to ask.
But I never had the courage to do that. I could never ask her what kind of wife she was evolving into. She could happily spread her legs for a man and later smile at me. She could joke about it.
Wasn't she changing into what I had already become?
I could jerk off listening to her being fucked by her boyfriend. And they both claim to know that I do that. They don't even leave me a choice to deny.
If it wasn't evolution, then what was it?
To grow up is everybody's dream. Be comfortable in their own skin is a trait of maturity. And we have been growing up. A stare at the bed they were using to make love like animals would now make me hard in my pants. I could pick up the empty condom packet from the floor with my hand and cherish the pain and pleasure my wife might have been subjected with it by her boyfriend.
I had become a man beyond my own imaginations, and I was okay with that. Her question that I quoted above no more caused any kind of pain to me.
The moment I saw the phone call, I was actually hoping if I could talk about the missing morning-after pill. It was the opportunity that mattered to me at the moment. She must be asking about it and I would tell exactly what Das had told me. I thought.
But I was idiotically wrong.
Instead, Meera wanted to talk about Meghna.
"I can't digest why you've turned her down so easily. You've become so insecure that you can't even have a coffee with her."
She said.
"Why don't you just move on, for god's sake, Krish? I can never be yours again. You've seen it, I'm beyond the point of return. Can't you just realise what have I done with Das?"
"I don't mind it Meera, because I know you don't love him."
I said, trying to calm down myself.
"How many times I've told you I hate you, Krish?"
"I know you don't mean it..."
I said confidently.
"Ok whatever! It's again the old stupid..."
She paused a moment to swallow whatever she was saying.
"I don't know how can you be so stupid!"
"Call me anything you want, but don't think I will fall for Meghna."
She fell silent for few moments. I heard her breath. She was holding the phone so close to her face. I felt good and pressed my phone closer to my ears, as if to feel more of her breathing.
I never stop being desperate.
"You talk like you can't even think of another woman... What happened with Sheelu then?"
This was how I was brought back to the memories of Sheelu. Did she just mention Sheelu?
"What?"
"What made you slip it with the her?"
"It was more like sympathy I guess. I don't have another answer for that. She had bad intentions. I merely fell into her trap, you know that, don't you?"
She let out a sigh.
"You don't really have any problem if I sleep around, do you?"
We were talking finally. Yes.
"What do you think?"
"Don't bullshit me with your diplomatic questions. Tell me, do you mind it if I sleep with another man?"
"Almost no."
"Why almost?"
"Not with Sam."
"Sam?"
"Yes, Sam."
"What's wrong with him?"
"Because... because I know how he lusted after you. He had told me many things that I couldn't stand. That's why we fell apart, I fought with him over it..."
"What did he say?"
"Leave it now... He has apologized and we are good."
"So other than Sam all are ok?"
"You want all of them?"
She laughed lightly.
"No, no... I didn't mean that..."
"Then I am not getting your question."
She thought for a moment before continuing.
"I mean, I am worried. I am worried. If you don't mind me going around with someone and you don't really feel much about sleeping with any other women... how can such a relationship work? How can you... You know there is no meaning in being a husband and wife..."
"It took you more than one long year to ask me this bloody question!"
"Yes it took, but it's something that you should've understood an year ago..."
She reasoned.
"Meera, why do you think I don't regret what I did with Sheelu? I..."
"No... Krish, listen to me. Do you still think I left you because you slept once with Sheelu?"
She interrupted and I couldn't make out where she was heading to.
"Then... Then what else was it?"
"Tell me one thing, Krish. If sheelu hadn't come to me to claim her revenge, would you have confessed to me about it? And would you have stopped yourself from repeating it with her?"
She had asked the hell of a question.
I was a man.
I was a normal man who can find nothing wrong in lusting after any other woman. Sheelu, Ananya, Nikita, Sija or whoever. My defence was very low. If available, I would fuck them all. Even if I had a the comfort of a beautiful wife like Meera.
Now I could clearly see why I failed.
"Krish."
I heard her voice.
"Are you there?"
"Yes..."
"Then tell me..."
"Meera I don't think I can do such things and hide it from you. I would have confessed it in a few days."
I lied.
I had slept with Ananya and kept it a secret. I would never confess it. I believed.
"I knew you would say this Krish."
Her voice was calm.
"You are never sure about you. You will sleep with other women and then you will confess it to me because you have the comfort of truth that I have already compromised. There was no way I could believe you then."
She threw her conclusion.
I had lost the debate if there was one.
"What about now? Can't you believe me?"
"It doesn't matter anymore. Good night Krish."
She had finished her side.
"Meera please listen..."
"What?"
"Why do you never let me ask you questions? You always run away from me..."
"What do you want to ask me?"
"What have we earned out of this separation? You've been alone for one and a half year... Do you have any idea where you are heading? One day everybody will know what you are doing with Das. Then you will get a name, surely it won't do any good to your future..."
"Krish! Do you want to stop me?"
"No. It's your choice."
I still have regrets for that 'no'. Why do I say things the way I say?
"See Krish.. You are still that old husband; you are happy to be cuckolded."
She had finally mentioned that word for me. Cuckold. My heart stopped.
My wife had just called me a cuckold.
"You are always happy to see me with other men."
She continued hitting the nail on my forehead. I had started bleeding.
"But, but we both are in the same game, ain't we Meera?"
I managed to ask.
"You are also fine to tease me showing off your men to me..."
"What are you suggesting? What are you saying Krish?"
"Why do you always come to my house? You never let him in your house or anywhere else.. or hotels. You want to do it in my presence only. You want me to watch. You are driving pleasure from it, ain't you? You want me to masturbate because you want to make sure that I have enjoyed!"
I spoke my mind like I never did in my life. Things I had always been scared to ask. I was still bleeding. I wanted to get even and make her accept my conclusions.
"Oh really, so this is what you think, huh?"
Meera was furious.
I immediately felt I said wrong things.
"Next time I am not coming to your house for sure."
She said.
"Come on I didn't mean that..."
I was on the back foot immediately.
"Das had asked me to work on this Saturday. He wants me in a saree. You know why. He is gonna take me into his cabin. I don't need you to watch it to enjoy that Krish. Good night!"
She said and hung up the call before I could say anything.
"Why do you want to see me fuck around, Krish? What kind of husband are you?"
Meera had questioned me an year ago, the day she had left my life. The day she found out I had slept with another woman.
I had learnt a lot since then, a lot of lessons to be precise, despite being clueless about the most important ones.
As I saw Meera's call on the phone, there was an obvious surge of thoughts and impressions in my mind on what could be the reason behind that late night call.
It was actually an opportunity. An opportunity to confront her, that how leaving me had helped her. I had a big question to ask.
But I never had the courage to do that. I could never ask her what kind of wife she was evolving into. She could happily spread her legs for a man and later smile at me. She could joke about it.
Wasn't she changing into what I had already become?
I could jerk off listening to her being fucked by her boyfriend. And they both claim to know that I do that. They don't even leave me a choice to deny.
If it wasn't evolution, then what was it?
To grow up is everybody's dream. Be comfortable in their own skin is a trait of maturity. And we have been growing up. A stare at the bed they were using to make love like animals would now make me hard in my pants. I could pick up the empty condom packet from the floor with my hand and cherish the pain and pleasure my wife might have been subjected with it by her boyfriend.
I had become a man beyond my own imaginations, and I was okay with that. Her question that I quoted above no more caused any kind of pain to me.
The moment I saw the phone call, I was actually hoping if I could talk about the missing morning-after pill. It was the opportunity that mattered to me at the moment. She must be asking about it and I would tell exactly what Das had told me. I thought.
But I was idiotically wrong.
Instead, Meera wanted to talk about Meghna.
"I can't digest why you've turned her down so easily. You've become so insecure that you can't even have a coffee with her."
She said.
"Why don't you just move on, for god's sake, Krish? I can never be yours again. You've seen it, I'm beyond the point of return. Can't you just realise what have I done with Das?"
"I don't mind it Meera, because I know you don't love him."
I said, trying to calm down myself.
"How many times I've told you I hate you, Krish?"
"I know you don't mean it..."
I said confidently.
"Ok whatever! It's again the old stupid..."
She paused a moment to swallow whatever she was saying.
"I don't know how can you be so stupid!"
"Call me anything you want, but don't think I will fall for Meghna."
She fell silent for few moments. I heard her breath. She was holding the phone so close to her face. I felt good and pressed my phone closer to my ears, as if to feel more of her breathing.
I never stop being desperate.
"You talk like you can't even think of another woman... What happened with Sheelu then?"
This was how I was brought back to the memories of Sheelu. Did she just mention Sheelu?
"What?"
"What made you slip it with the her?"
"It was more like sympathy I guess. I don't have another answer for that. She had bad intentions. I merely fell into her trap, you know that, don't you?"
She let out a sigh.
"You don't really have any problem if I sleep around, do you?"
We were talking finally. Yes.
"What do you think?"
"Don't bullshit me with your diplomatic questions. Tell me, do you mind it if I sleep with another man?"
"Almost no."
"Why almost?"
"Not with Sam."
"Sam?"
"Yes, Sam."
"What's wrong with him?"
"Because... because I know how he lusted after you. He had told me many things that I couldn't stand. That's why we fell apart, I fought with him over it..."
"What did he say?"
"Leave it now... He has apologized and we are good."
"So other than Sam all are ok?"
"You want all of them?"
She laughed lightly.
"No, no... I didn't mean that..."
"Then I am not getting your question."
She thought for a moment before continuing.
"I mean, I am worried. I am worried. If you don't mind me going around with someone and you don't really feel much about sleeping with any other women... how can such a relationship work? How can you... You know there is no meaning in being a husband and wife..."
"It took you more than one long year to ask me this bloody question!"
"Yes it took, but it's something that you should've understood an year ago..."
She reasoned.
"Meera, why do you think I don't regret what I did with Sheelu? I..."
"No... Krish, listen to me. Do you still think I left you because you slept once with Sheelu?"
She interrupted and I couldn't make out where she was heading to.
"Then... Then what else was it?"
"Tell me one thing, Krish. If sheelu hadn't come to me to claim her revenge, would you have confessed to me about it? And would you have stopped yourself from repeating it with her?"
She had asked the hell of a question.
I was a man.
I was a normal man who can find nothing wrong in lusting after any other woman. Sheelu, Ananya, Nikita, Sija or whoever. My defence was very low. If available, I would fuck them all. Even if I had a the comfort of a beautiful wife like Meera.
Now I could clearly see why I failed.
"Krish."
I heard her voice.
"Are you there?"
"Yes..."
"Then tell me..."
"Meera I don't think I can do such things and hide it from you. I would have confessed it in a few days."
I lied.
I had slept with Ananya and kept it a secret. I would never confess it. I believed.
"I knew you would say this Krish."
Her voice was calm.
"You are never sure about you. You will sleep with other women and then you will confess it to me because you have the comfort of truth that I have already compromised. There was no way I could believe you then."
She threw her conclusion.
I had lost the debate if there was one.
"What about now? Can't you believe me?"
"It doesn't matter anymore. Good night Krish."
She had finished her side.
"Meera please listen..."
"What?"
"Why do you never let me ask you questions? You always run away from me..."
"What do you want to ask me?"
"What have we earned out of this separation? You've been alone for one and a half year... Do you have any idea where you are heading? One day everybody will know what you are doing with Das. Then you will get a name, surely it won't do any good to your future..."
"Krish! Do you want to stop me?"
"No. It's your choice."
I still have regrets for that 'no'. Why do I say things the way I say?
"See Krish.. You are still that old husband; you are happy to be cuckolded."
She had finally mentioned that word for me. Cuckold. My heart stopped.
My wife had just called me a cuckold.
"You are always happy to see me with other men."
She continued hitting the nail on my forehead. I had started bleeding.
"But, but we both are in the same game, ain't we Meera?"
I managed to ask.
"You are also fine to tease me showing off your men to me..."
"What are you suggesting? What are you saying Krish?"
"Why do you always come to my house? You never let him in your house or anywhere else.. or hotels. You want to do it in my presence only. You want me to watch. You are driving pleasure from it, ain't you? You want me to masturbate because you want to make sure that I have enjoyed!"
I spoke my mind like I never did in my life. Things I had always been scared to ask. I was still bleeding. I wanted to get even and make her accept my conclusions.
"Oh really, so this is what you think, huh?"
Meera was furious.
I immediately felt I said wrong things.
"Next time I am not coming to your house for sure."
She said.
"Come on I didn't mean that..."
I was on the back foot immediately.
"Das had asked me to work on this Saturday. He wants me in a saree. You know why. He is gonna take me into his cabin. I don't need you to watch it to enjoy that Krish. Good night!"
She said and hung up the call before I could say anything.
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